Even though growing up as a highly sensitive person (HSP) wasn’t simple — being made fun of for crying too easily or being more emotional when compared to my “tough” brother — over the years, I’ve truly embraced my sensitivity. And while it’s Thanksgiving that got me thinking about all the reasons I’m grateful for being a sensitive person, the truth is, I’m grateful year-round. 

Yes, I may be the only person crying at a Super Bowl party when the underdog loses, but I’ll also be the only one who will truly empathize with you when your heart gets broken or when you lose that job you so loved — and you didn’t even have to say a word, I just knew. (It’s an HSP superpower, after all — our instincts are always on point.)

So, without further ado, here are 14 reasons why I’m thankful for being an HSP.

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14 Reasons Why I’m Thankful to Be a Highly Sensitive Person

1. I get to feel things completely — there’s no such thing as being half-in or half-out as an HSP. 

HSPs wear their hearts on their sleeves — there’s no such thing as a “poker face” with us. While some people can “poker face” their way through various life situations, HSPs aren’t that way. If we’re feeling a certain emotion — overwhelming joy for a friend who just got a promotion or extreme sadness for a friend whose pet is ill — you’ll see it in our faces immediately. Even “smaller” emotions will be self-evident on our faces, and via our body language, too. We feel things completely — there is no dimmer switch. And as much as I feel things deeply, I also like how I can sense others’ feelings, too…

2. I can easily read other people’s emotions and body language — it’s an HSP superpower.

Although any HSP will tell you that absorbing others’ emotions is both a blessing and a curse — after all, we’re talking about all their emotions, not just the happy ones (and the not-so-happy ones can take a toll on our mental health and overstimulated senses) — I think it’s more of a blessing. Sometimes, someone may say “Everything’s fine,” yet you know something’s not. So, as a sensitive soul, you delve deeper and ask if everything really is fine. Oftentimes, the person will open up and share what’s on their mind. 

This just happened to me the other week. I called a friend to say hi and knew something was off by the sound of her voice. It turned out she was having outpatient surgery the next day and hadn’t told anyone (until I’d picked up on her semi-sad tone). Once she started talking about it, she said she felt a lot better, and we’ve been checking in with each other more regularly ever since.

Similarly, I pick up on every little thing when it comes to someone’s aura and body language in person, too. In this way, we can tell if they’re lying about something or if they give us cues as to how they’re feeling. Someone can be telling you, verbally, that they’re doing great, but you know by their body language (their slumped shoulders or sad expression) that they’re really not. So then we HSPs enter the picture like superheroes to save the day (or at least try and make them feel better). 

3. Being an HSP comes with a sixth sense (and ‘Spidey senses.’)

You know how you’ll have a sixth sense or bad feeling about something? When you’re a highly sensitive person, that happens a lot. And it’s truly a gift when it does. You’ll feel someone walking behind you and turn around — sure enough, there’s someone walking a bit too close to you (in the dark), so you duck into a store or restaurant as a safe haven. Or you go on a date and just get a bad feeling about the person — and then a friend of yours confirms your suspicions. So having a sixth sense as an HSP — and listening to your intuition — is definitely something to be grateful for every day.

4. The creativityyyyyyyyy

Highly sensitive people are naturally creative, whether it means we take up painting, music, writing, or a myriad of other artistic pursuits. I started writing as a small child, as soon as I was introduced to crayons, and was typing up my first newspaper, Nat’s Neat News Notes, shortly thereafter. This translated well to my current career as a freelance writer and editor. And if you’re a sensitive person yourself — or know someone who is — they’re likely creative in some capacity, too.

5. How I notice — and appreciate — the little things in life.

Sensitive people are known for noticing the little things and nuances in life, whether it’s the beauty of the petals of a rose, all the hues of a sunset, or all the subtleties in a piece of music. While others may see the overall picture — like the rose itself — we see every little detail. For this, I’m grateful. And when I point these little things out to others, they seem to be appreciative for being able to see them in a new way, too.

6. I get recharged by nature itself.

Since we HSPs get overstimulated by many different environments we experience each day — from the overhead fluorescent lights at work to the overbearing lights at the grocery store (coupled with the super loud music) to all the traffic lights and sounds on our commute home — it’s a refuge for an HSP to get out in nature. There, we can just appreciate the quiet and recharge from the endless amount of stimuli we experienced all day. We don’t have to worry about experiencing chemical sensitivity from the freshly painted walls at work (or our coworker’s new perfume) or light sensitivity — we can just be with little stimuli around us.

7. My wonderful, complicated, life-changing empathy.

Sensitive people are empaths. Just like we absorb others’ emotions, we also relate to them on a deep level — we’re not just sympathetic (feeling bad for someone) but empathic (we really feel bad for someone and can relate to how they’re feeling as though we’re experiencing it ourselves — and probably have at some point). 

Sometimes it can be surprising and sweet all at once. I used to have a boyfriend who didn’t have the ability to cry, for example. I, on the other hand, would tear up watching basketball playoffs or the Super Bowl when the underdog would lose (and I wasn’t even a basketball or football fan, but I’d still relate to what they’re going through). In a way, his tears became my tears, but over something we could enjoy together. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

8. That close, close connection HSPs have to animals.

Just like we HSPs can pick up on how fellow humans are feeling, we can also pick up on how animals are feeling. Even though they can’t directly tell us, once again, we primarily use nonverbal clues to assess how our pets are doing. Do they seem calm? Anxious? Could they use more of our time, love, and attention? And our connections to animals almost mirror those that we have with humans — a pet is not just a pet, but a distinct part of us and a part of our family. 

9. That deep HSP focus when working on meaningful tasks and projects.

One thing we HSPs excel at is the way we’re deep thinkers — when we put our minds to something, we give it our complete time, attention, and focus. We’re detail-oriented, we’ll do the research that has to be done, and we’ll do our absolute best. Single-tasking tends to work better for us than multi-tasking — that way, we get into a “flow state” when we work on things and we don’t let any outside distractions get in our way.

10. My innate ‘people-pleaser’ tendencies — even if they’re sometimes my Achilles’ heel.

We highly sensitive people are people-pleasers — we love helping others and hate disappointing them (due to our high levels of empathy) — and this is a great trait to have. However, we must also be careful to not let it get out of hand. After all, even though we have a natural affinity to help others, at the end of the day, we must keep in mind that we’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. Boundaries are something we HSPs struggle with enforcing, but the more we practice it, the more we can still be there for others while also being there for ourselves.

11. Those powerful HSP emotions.

Even though I used to hate how emotional I’d get at seemingly nothing — it would make me feel embarrassed, especially if I was the only person in the room tearing up at something — now, I embrace it. Plus, my true friends could care less — they know I’ll be the most emotional one in the room (even while we’re watching a Disney movie; they’ll hand me more Kleenex instead of making fun of me like my brother and his friends did when I was growing up). I’ve also realized that displaying our emotions is a sign we’re living, breathing beings who have the ability to care for — and empathize — with others, which is a beautiful gift when it comes to being a sensitive person.

12. The deep, intimate friendships with people who understand me.

We HSPs value deep friendships, not just ones based on small talk. While we may attract energy vampires and narcissists due to our empathic, super nice natures, we value friendships that are two-way streets and ones where there’s an equal amount of listening give-and-take. They say “no man is an island,” and I find this to be especially true for us HSPs — when we find the friends who “get” us, we don’t want to let them go. 

13. Getting time alone to recharge (whew!).

Being a highly sensitive person is no small feat — after all the overstimulation we experience all day, we need plenty of time alone to recharge in our HSP sanctuary (whether it’s in our bedrooms or sneaking outside between work meetings). Otherwise, we’ll get an “emotional hangover” (or an HSP one), and feel even more drained. After pockets — or hours — of alone time, we sensitive types feel refreshed and recharged for all the stimuli waiting for us.

14. I am thankful for knowing, and understanding, what it means to be a highly sensitive person through and through.

I think the better we HSPs understand what it’s like to be a highly sensitive person, the more we can embrace it and recognize the trait in others. I think my younger self shunned it simply because I did not understand it (plus, there was no clear label for it then as there is today). But now that I know what it means, there’s comfort in it and I love being a highly sensitive person.

You might like:

• These 2 Traits Can Make HSPs (Almost) Immune to Narcissists
• 10 Things That Just Don’t Make Sense to Highly Sensitive People 
• 13 Signs You’re Secretly a Highly Sensitive Person

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 14 Reasons I’m Thankful for Being a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Sometimes, highly sensitive people (HSPs) don’t even realize they’re more sensitive than others. So when it comes to dating, they may react more strongly to things than their non-HSP partner. They can tear up at a movie (that’s not even a tear-jerker to the majority of others) or a beautiful song lyric just as easily as they can getting reprimanded at work. Or they may get triggered more easily, emotionally, than you do during a disagreement. 

As a result, they may be misunderstood or referred to as “too sensitive.”

But, the truth is, there are many amazing reasons why you should date a highly sensitive person.

Before we get into them, though, let’s first take a look at what it means to be a sensitive soul.

The Science Behind Highly Sensitive People

Although everyone is sensitive to a certain extent, some people are more sensitive than others. In fact, roughly 30 percent of people are born more sensitive than average, both emotionally and physically. (While about 40 percent of people are average in sensitivity, 20 percent are low in sensitivity.) Researchers call this trait environmental sensitivity, or Sensory Processing Sensitivity. And in case you’re wondering — all three levels of environmental sensitivity are considered perfectly healthy and normal.

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So highly sensitive people — also known as HSPs — are those who fall near the high end of the sensitivity continuum. Aside from picking up on subtleties others miss, they’re also very in tune with their environments and can pick up on chemical sensitivity, light sensitivity, you name it. Non-HSPs don’t tend to pick up on these factors as much as highly sensitive people do. 

HSPs also absorb others’ emotions as though they’re their own. If someone’s having a bad day, they’ll feel bad; if someone’s having a great day, they’ll feel great. HSPs are hardwired this way. They’re also known to be deep thinkers and have an amazing sense of intuition.

So you can start to get a sense of how having an HSP partner can be a great asset. Below, I’ll get into more specifics about some of the benefits of dating a highly sensitive person.

7 Benefits of Dating a Highly Sensitive Person

1. They’ll be very in touch with their own emotions, as well as yours.

Compatibility is a key component of dating, right? And doesn’t everyone want someone who’s “emotionally available”?   

Well, because highly sensitive people are very in touch with both their own emotions — as well as others’ — they’ll sense how you’re feeling before you even utter a word. They’ll not only sympathize with you, but empathize with you, which can be a big benefit.

So they’ll be able to comfort you — if you’re in a blah mood, for instance — or share in your joy.

2. They’ll listen to you — really listen — and help you come up with solutions.

You’ve never met as good a listener as the highly sensitive person you’re dating. In part, this is due to the fact that they excel at active listening — not just listening for the sake of listening. They also prefer deep conversations, so if it’s their advice you’re seeking, you’ve come to the right place.

But even if you just need a comforting ear, your HSP can be that, too. (Though their input is usually very thought-out, so you’ll likely want to take it.)

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3. They’re very intuitive and will notice every little detail. 

HSPs are incredibly adept at reading body language, including facial expressions and mannerisms. So even if you aren’t saying a word — like in the point I made above — a highly sensitive person will be able to sense what kind of mood you’re in based on what your body is telling them. 

Similarly, if you try to hide something from an HSP, good luck! Their strong sense of intuition will feel if something’s off. 

4. They’ll take their time getting to know the real you.

While some people may jump right into a relationship, a highly sensitive person will want to take time to get to know the real you. They won’t take any shortcuts.

Let’s say you met on a dating app, for example. Although people’s profiles are full of positive adjectives and accolades, you know there’s more to the person you’re dating than surface-level things. And because you’re a deep thinker, you’ll dig deep into really getting to know them: What makes them light up? What makes them tick? What are their life’s passions?

5. They’re good at talking out conflicts that come up.

Even though highly sensitive people don’t naturally love conflict or criticism — I mean, who does — they’ll do their best to work it out. So while some couples may be passive-aggressive or try to brush issues under the rug, not the HSP you’re dating!  

Plus, since they value deep conversations (see #2), they’ll want to make sure that you have a heart-to-heart about whatever’s going on. And since they are so self-aware, they’ll take accountability for whatever role they played in the matter, too.

6. They value consistency over change.

If you’re looking for a loyal, and consistent, partner, a highly sensitive person is it. Although they can roll with the punches if necessary, they generally don’t love change. Due to all the overstimulation that comes at them all day long — all the sights, sounds, smells, and so on, that impact them more than others — they like having stability in other facets of their life.

Like you. (And their HSP sanctuary when they’re not with you.)

7. They’ll give you time alone to be independent and do your own thing.

While some couples are together 24/7, it’s healthy for people to have interests (and a life) outside of the relationship, too. And highly sensitive people know all about the value of alone time. 

Even if you are under the same roof together hanging out, for instance, HSPs will encourage you to each spend some time on your own. This can mean reading, napping, going for a walk, you name it. 

They need this time to recharge, which will help them be even more present when you’re together again.

HSPs, what would you add to the list? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

You might like:

• Dating Tips for Highly Sensitive People
• 12 Things Highly Sensitive People Love in a Partner
• If You Do These 7 Things, You’re Probably an HSP

The post The 7 Best Things About Dating a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

You get reprimanded at work. Your boyfriend breaks up with you. Your rent check bounces. And these are just the “top three” things that happened today. 

As a result, you find yourself snapping at a friend (or at a coworker or store cashier). Who are you? you wonder. This isn’t like me.

Needless to say, your brain goes into overdrive and you become emotionally “flooded.” In other words, emotionally triggered — so much so that your emotions take over and you can no longer think rationally. On top of which, you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), so you already feel things deeper than most, whether it’s crying at the tiniest thing or absorbing others’ emotions as though they’re your own.

What Is ‘Flooding’ — And What Causes It?

When you’re emotionally flooded, emotions take over, not logic. In a Candidly article, Tanya Gaum, an associate marriage and family therapist, states that “Flooding happens when our sympathetic nervous system detects a threat to our safety, and begins to prepare us to either head into battle or run for the hills.” 

Essentially, it’s a response to stress that triggers your fight-or-flight response (which is activated by your sympathetic nervous system). It can cause physical symptoms, too, such as an increased heart rate, sweating, and shallow or rapid breathing. Gaum goes on to say it “can look like panic levels of anxiety, sobbing uncontrollably, manic pacing, or raging at your partner as if you are fighting for your very life.” 

And anything can cause the flood of emotions to pour out of you — it doesn’t have to be a combination of big life changes like those mentioned above. It could be as little as you not getting enough sleep and then a car cutting you off in traffic. Or perhaps your boss gives you some “constructive criticism,” which you interpret as not doing a good enough job. (And, as a highly sensitive person, you don’t take criticism well anyway.) Or the flooding triggers a traumatic memory — and suddenly you can’t keep it together and have intense emotional and behavioral reactions.

You may also be HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) — which can add to your chances of becoming emotionally flooded more so than if you weren’t HALT.

Who Gets ‘Flooded’?

If you’re wondering who gets flooded, in a word: Everyone. However, men and HSPs are more prone to it, according to renowned psychologist and researcher John Gottman — men perhaps because they are often taught to hide their emotions (and then they reach a breaking point and boil over) and HSPs because their nervous systems are already more reactive to emotional stimuli (emotions hit highly sensitive people harder than others). So if you’re a highly sensitive man, you may be even more prone to emotional flooding. 

We decided to ask 14,000 HSPs — members of our Highly Sensitive Refuge Facebook Group — what it feels like to be emotionally flooded. Here’s what they said. 

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8 HSPs Reveal How It Feels to Be Emotionally ‘Flooded’ 

1. “Emotional flooding tends to leave me overwhelmed.”

“Emotional flooding tends to leave me overwhelmed. It’s as though I’m standing in front of a brick wall and I’m unable to process my thoughts or emotions, or plan for the future. I struggle to make decisions and don’t know how to move forward. I find myself tired more easily, and even simple tasks become harder to complete. Usually, the emotional flooding builds and builds until it finally breaks. Then I can cry, experience the emotions properly, and process them.”

2. “It’s almost like dissociation — my brain kind of shuts down due to the [emotional] overload.”

“It’s almost like dissociation — my brain kind of shuts down due to the [emotional] overload. I space out, have difficulty putting words together, and feel exhausted overall.”

3. “I get emotionally flooded when I experience an event in the present that brings up a strong feeling [from the past].”

“I get emotionally flooded when I experience an event in the present that brings up a strong feeling [from the past]. Anger, betrayal, and embarrassment are my biggest triggers. My brain then recalls all of the other situations and circumstances where I felt the same way in a search for similarity and a roadmap to deal with the present event. It is amazing that the brain does this, and the ‘why’ makes perfect sense. However (and this is a BIG however), this leaves me with a powerful emotion generated in the present and all the memories of unresolved instances where the same emotion has appeared in the past. I get flooded with both emotions and memories that know no timeline and this leads to debilitating anxiety — my brain racing to a standstill followed by shutdown and all of the self-recriminations that come with being ‘overwhelmed’ again. The awareness that this is how my brain works has been an epiphany. I am currently working on loosening the emotional connection to past events, and that has lessened the overwhelming sensation of being flooded by forces unseen.”

4. “Emotional flooding for me is most intense when I experience a sudden influx of strong and different emotions that aren’t mine.”

“Emotional flooding for me is most intense when I experience a sudden influx of strong and different emotions that aren’t mine. If it is a singular event and I am in a mood that is neutral or resonates, then I ride the wave. For example, my daughter comes home from a date and it went really well — she is high on endorphins and happiness. Those are great moments to ride the wave of high emotions. If it is a conflicting emotion, or a massive overload, I freeze, panic, and fear hits me hard — and I cannot think or feel anything for a while. For example, I just spoke to a friend and she is well, but pulls into my driveway for a visit. All of a sudden, something nasty hits me that I wasn’t expecting — unexpected rage violently knocks the wind out of me. It’s like my brain scrambles and it’s a complete and total shock to my system. It leaves me paralyzed for a good 10 minutes.”

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

5. “When I become flooded with emotions, my brain becomes confused and overwhelmed.”

“When I become flooded with emotions, my brain becomes confused and overwhelmed. My brain also hurts (actual pain), and I need to be by myself to process the information of emotions. Sometimes it triggers the old type recorder (wanting to harm myself or thinking I’m not good enough). Other times, I’m so overwhelmed that I cry and can’t stop.”

6. “Holidays, like Christmas — Christmas Day (particularly while getting the food ready).” 

“Holidays, like Christmas — Christmas Day (particularly while getting the food ready). I always feel extremely overwhelmed and frustrated.”

7. “…When I’m expected to perform [a task] and there are so many steps to complete to finish the task.”

“One situation that shuts me down is emotional flooding, when I’m expected to perform [a task] and there are so many steps to complete to finish the task. Like any kind of planning (like get-togethers) and communicating on how (and when) to get there, and where we are going. There was the graduation party for my daughter, and the shower for her wedding. My brain starts to see each task as absolutely necessary — there’s the social obligation, along with the personal interactions and people-pleasing. It starts to form as an overwhelming fear storm, no matter how small or large the ask is… It may be organizing a Christmas get-together. Or Sunday dinner. The questions start coming from each person — their expectations and asks — and [there are so many] details. It’s as though my brain is a plug-in and all of these things overload the socket and it pops. I become unable to focus, detached, and, many times, fearful that I cannot even attend said outing; all I can do is just breathe in and out, much less coordinate anything. My family doesn’t understand, so we rely on others to plan big events for our family now, and other members of our family do the day-to-day things. [It’s all] too much…”

8. “A friend described it well for me when she said it felt like someone had their hands around your throat.”

“A friend described it well for me when she said it felt like someone had their hands around your throat. It happens when there is all kinds of chaos swirling around me that I haven’t had any notice of. Or if someone is going on and on about something scary or disgusting. Or someone is expecting me to make a split-second decision about something when I haven’t had time to think about it. Or someone is having an anxiety or panic attack around me. The biggest thing I want to do is just escape from that environment and go somewhere else — so I can focus on something else and breathe. If the weather is good, I often go for a walk. Or I get in the car and drive and listen to music I like. Or I go find water I can sit by and gaze at. I live by the ocean and it is always my happy place.”

You might like:

• Why Highly Sensitive People Get Mentally and Emotionally ‘Flooded’
• Science Confirms That Emotions Hit Highly Sensitive People Harder
• How the ‘HALT’ Acronym Stops Overstimulation for Highly Sensitive People

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post This Is How It Feels to Be Emotionally ‘Flooded’ appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Every direction I looked, people were making pizzas — only, this wasn’t a pizzeria, it was my then-boyfriend’s backyard. Every few months, we’d host a themed pizza party, from “wear your favorite hat” to wear red, white, and blue for the Fourth of July.

As I made my way around the yard from one group of friends to another — navigating my way through people rolling out dough or adding toppings — I’d catch up on all the latest news with them. I’d find out about the dream job one friend got (I couldn’t be happier for her!) and how another just lost his, which would cause me to get tears in my eyes.

You see, as both an empath and highly sensitive person (HSP), I’m more aware of people’s emotions than non-HSPs and absorb them as if they’re my own — as though I just got my dream job, as though I just lost my job. 

And, as I spoke to each friend, I continued absorbing their emotions (for better or worse) and having empathy for their situations. Plus, since HSPs tend to overanalyze things and pick up on things others miss, even if a friend wouldn’t tell me that something’s bothering them, I’d sense it anyway, as though I were a fortune teller and had secret powers.

But the next day, it would all catch up with me. As much fun as the pizza parties were, when I woke up, I was exhausted as though I had a hangover — all I’d want to do was sleep. Meanwhile, every little noise (even the melodic birds outside) bothered me, and the last thing I wanted to do was see pizza-making remnants, which were usually scattered all over the kitchen the next morning.

I may have felt like I had a hangover; only, the night before, I hadn’t even drank. This was different: This was an emotional hangover.

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What Is an Emotional Hangover?

An emotional hangover happens when you’ve reached your limit on overwhelm, overstimulation, and processing and responding to emotions — experiences that may make you mentally and emotionally flooded. As a result, you feel drained the next morning to the point of being completely depleted, in both body and in mind. And if someone asks us “What’s wrong?” with the best of intentions, you may be tempted to shut down or snap at them.

This experience can be likened to a “residue” left over from an interaction, Dr. Judith Orloff, author of The Empath’s Survival Guide, explains in Psychology Today. She says toxic emotions can linger, making you feel exhausted, ill, or that you have brain fog, wherein you cannot focus or concentrate.

Speaking of which…

This Is How Your Cure an Emotional Hangover

And what is the magical cure for an emotional hangover? Simply put:

There is no substitute for time and space.

Even though we may not seem recognizable as the social beings we were last night — the event which contributed to us having an emotional hangover today — we need this time to ourselves to get out of our current funk. And believe us when we say how we’re feeling now has nothing to do with you. We loved catching up with you, being happy for you, empathizing with you… but, now? We’re just tired. Very tired.

One thing that most empaths and HSPs need is time to ourselves to recharge, which can mean different things to different people, from hiding out in your bedroom all day (and night) to taking a walk in a peaceful environment (the less stimuli, the better). It also helps if you have an HSP sanctuary — your own private place where you can go to retreat when the world becomes too much.

If you have an HSP sanctuary, use it. If you don’t, it’s time to make one. 

My HSP sanctuary contains a lot of my favorite things. I have a dedicated corner of my bedroom where I have a bud vase with my favorite flowers (red daisies), a bunch of colorful throw pillows, scented, soothing candles (with calming aromas like lavender and peppermint), and essential oils (also lavender and peppermint), which have been proven to help reduce anxiety.

When I’m suffering from an emotional hangover — or even feeling overwhelmed — I’ll go sit in my HSP sanctuary, sometimes turning on some peaceful music, too (I find that music without words works best). I’ll then either do a mindfulness meditation (I’ve recently fallen in love with Insight Timer; feel free to find me on there!) or I’ll journal about how I’m feeling, or even just sit in silence (which definitely takes some practice, but is a great exercise to try).

And if you’re among others, fear snapping at them, and can’t get to your HSP sanctuary or a place to be alone for a few minutes? 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

There is always somewhere to “get away” — even just briefly. 

Either take a break and step outside — research shows that being in nature has a therapeutic effect and is my go-to — or find a place inside to retreat, even if you have to hide in a bathroom stall for a while. You can also be honest with your boss (or those around you) that you need to go home and have a mental health day.

Otherwise, if I’m around others, I’ll shut down. Usually, friends and loved ones will know I’m feeling off — I’ll withdraw and won’t communicate as much; I just really want to be alone. Most know I’m an HSP, so I’ll tell them I’m having an emotional hangover, need some alone time, and will reconnect in a few days. 

With one exception…

Have a “code” with your most trusted friends. 

With inner-circle friends — some of whom are also HSPs and experience emotional hangovers — we’ll simply text a specific emoji (like a person covering their face) to each other if we’re feeling overwhelmed and need some space. (And we’ll text another emoji, like a sunflower, once we’re feeling like ourselves again.)

Although experiencing any type of hangover is not fun, recognizing what’s happening is half the battle. Having some “emotional hangover tools” at your disposal for such days helps, too, like noise-cancelling headphones and a playlist of your favorite calming music or meditations on your phone. You can even create an entire “emotional hangover toolkit” (just in case). Finding like-minded people who are experiencing the same emotional hangover feelings can also help (one place to start connecting with them is here).

These days, even though I’m no longer hosting pizza parties, I still make sure to have my emotional hangover toolkit at my disposal in case I need it. After all, we HSPs never know when we’ll experience overstimulation, and having go-to coping strategies has been a great way to minimize “hangovers” while maximizing self-care.

You might like:

• 8 Signs You Have an ‘HSP Hangover’
• 13 Signs That You’re an Empath
• Do You Cry Easily? You Might Be a Highly Sensitive Person

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Yes, There Is Such a Thing as an ‘Emotional Hangover’ appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I couldn’t stop crying. A few days earlier, my then-boyfriend and I had broken up over Indian food (I didn’t know how I’d ever eat tikka masala again); hopes of “the one” quickly fell to “no one.”  

My cell phone rang, the ringing accompanying my cries and matching the emotions I was experiencing. As much as I wanted to ignore the phone, I couldn’t. Shouldn’t. It was my therapist.

She heard me choking on my sobs and I briefly got out a sentence about how I was feeling: just as miserable as the day before, and the day before that …

“Natalia, are you HALT?” she said.

“Excuse me?” I said.

“Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?” 

Um, of course? “Yes to all four,” I told her.

She paused. “And what have you done to alleviate them?”

Nothing. I’d done nothing. She then explained that not only should I ask myself if I’m H-A-L-T when I’m overwhelmed — an easy way to recognize anxiety or depression — but that I should start journaling about it, too. 

And about the breakup. Especially about the breakup. 

She said to journal about my moods, ebbs, flows, anxiety level, how much I slept the night before, and the positives that happened today (not just the one big negative). 

“You’re a writer,” she said. “So write about it,” she said.

Of course, you don’t have to be a writer to journal. And I’d kept plenty of them before, but not daily and never with the intention to process something, or work through feelings. But I may as well try it, right? (After all, fun fact, many famous people have kept journals — everyone from Charles Darwin to Frida Kahlo. If they could do it, I figured, so could I.)

And that was that. My journaling-as-therapy began.

Journaling Can Benefit Anyone — But Especially Sensitive People

Being a highly sensitive person (HSP), my senses are already on overdrive: I empathize with people to an extreme (as much as their joy is my joy, their pain is also my pain), I’m ultra-aware of stimuli around me (can someone please make that lightbulb less bright?!), and I tear up at the slightest thing (like a young boy helping an elderly woman with her groceries).

So when you throw a breakup into the mix, my sensitivity gets heightened that much more.

But thanks to my therapist, I learned firsthand that she was right: As an HSP, journaling can help you process your emotions. (And, to be honest, it’s much less expensive than therapy, but also a good supplement to it!)

“Not only can journaling help you process difficult emotions, such as stress, anxiety, sadness, and anger, but it can also help you document positive emotions, such as joy, contentment, and gratitude,” Annie Hsueh, Ph.D., clinical psychologist specializing in relationship therapy and founder of Hope & Sage Psychological Services, tells Highly Sensitive Refuge.

Research, too, indicates that there are many benefits of journaling, whether you’re trying to heal from a breakup, job loss, anxiety, depression, trauma, or want to simply track your mental health and how you’re doing from week-to-week or month-to-month.

And scientific evidence has revealed that since writing is a left-brained activity (analytical and rational), it leaves your right brain free to create, intuit, and feel.

“Highly sensitive people are often self-reflective and intuitive,” says Dr. Hsueh. “Practices like journaling are a great way for HSPs to slow down and to get recentered, which can also, at times, protect HSPs from overstimulation. Being an HSP myself, journaling has been a great way for me to find space to attune to myself, process my thoughts and feelings, and to remind myself of my values and goals.”  

The 7 Life-Changing Benefits of Keeping a Journal 

Journaling can help:

1. Reduce stress
2. Help manage anxiety and depression
3. Recognize patterns of feelings and behaviors
4. Problem-solve
5. Get to know yourself better
6. Process emotions you’re having about yourself
7. Process emotions you’re having about others

Of course, there are many more ways journaling can benefit you in addition to the above. “Journaling helps us to name and label our emotions — and when we are able to bring words into what we are feeling, it can sometimes tame difficult emotions,” says Dr. Hsueh. “For example, when you are having difficulties with ruminative worries, writing them down can help externalize the concern, which can help you cope better.”

But journaling can also help you when you are facing practical concerns, she says. “Journaling can be a good way to define what the key issue is and provide you a space to brainstorm solutions,” says Dr. Hsueh. “It’s also wonderful for documenting positive things, such as what brings you gratitude and joy.” 

Plus, it’s easier than you may think, and there’s several ways to do it …

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How do I journal, and what kind of journal should I use?

With technology, journaling is easier these days than ever before.

You can use:

• an old-school notebook
• a formal journal or diary
• an app, like Diarium and Journey — many of the apps give you a daily reminder to journal, too, which I find helpful
• Bullet Journal (BuJo) — which comes in various forms: a journal, an app, and book — encourages you to do more than journal while using various symbols to code your entries; you’ll also add to-do lists, create goals, and track your physical and mental health
• a Google Sheet on both your computer and phone, which makes journaling easy when you’re on the go
• If you’re a creative type, you might even try “morning pages” — the practice of letting out a stream of thoughts every morning until you fill up three handwritten pages, unblocking yourself for the day and allowing you to reach your muse. 

Dr. Hsueh says that the good thing is, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all method to journaling, which is another reason it can be helpful to HSPs. “You might tune into yourself to see what you think would be the best approach to begin with, and if you notice issues or barriers with that method, you can choose another method,” she says. “For example, some people might prefer to journal on paper whereas others prefer to type their journal into their devices. I think it’s good to be flexible and practical about what would fit you best personally.”

As for what to journal about, if you don’t get a journal with pre-set prompts, you can set up various categories on every page, such as:

• mood
• meals (& times)
• sleep
• about your day (and even if you’re having a bad day, it’s good to throw some positives in there, too; expressing gratitude each day is an instant mood-booster)

And if you’re working with a therapist, they can also help you design a journaling practice that will most benefit you.

How to Track Your Emotional Progress from Journaling

Need proof that journaling is working for you? Take a look back at older pages after a month or two — you’ll likely see firsthand how far you’ve come. 

In fact, Dr. Hsueh says looking back at your journal on a weekly or monthly basis can itself make a real difference. “Reviewing your journal from time to time can help you to recognize themes in your thoughts and feelings, as well as remind yourself of lessons you’ve learned or of challenges you’ve overcome,” says Dr. Hsueh. “In reviewing what you wrote, you can also think about how the emotions you’ve experienced may be a signal to your needs, and then think about how you can meet those needs.

For instance, if you go through your journal once a month — say, at the end of the month — you can see what patterns emerge and what triggered them:

• Do you tend to cry more when you haven’t eaten for hours?
• Have you been journaling about happier things lately versus earlier in the month (or year)?
• And, congratulations! According to your journal, you didn’t try to text the ex at all last week!

For me personally, when I was finally able to eat tikka masala again — without crying — it was proof that my journaling was helping me heal from the breakup.

Journaling Doesn’t Have to Be Time-Consuming

If you’re saying, “I don’t have time to journal…” Wrong! Even journaling just five minutes a day has been proven to help you process your emotions, connect with yourself more deeply, and see things from a new perspective.

Don’t believe me? There’s even a journal out there that can help you out: The Five Minute Journal: A Happier You in 5 Minutes a Day. 

Dr. Hsueh agrees that journaling does not have to be a time-intensive practice. “Even just a few minutes a day of jotting down some reflections, thoughts, and feelings can help maintain your sense of calm and well-being,” she says. And that’s what it’s all about, right?

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

You might like: 

• Why HSPs Should Journal Their Way Through Difficult Times
• 10 Things That Just Don’t Make Sense to Highly Sensitive People
• 8 Signs You Have an ‘HSP Hangover’

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Does Journaling Help You Manage Your Emotions as an HSP? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

The scent of pine from nearby Christmas trees wafts through the air as you watch snow gently fall around you. It’s dark outside, the moonlight your only guide, and all you hear is the sound of the snow softly landing on the pine branches. (No one else would hear this, but as a highly sensitive person (HSP), your Spidey senses do.) Everything is perfect… 

…until you walk inside your friend’s Christmas party. Immediately, it’s sensory overload: what was going to be a “small gathering of friends” is a full-on party packed with people, the multicolored lights on the Christmas tree produce a strobe light effect, and your friend’s baby cries and drowns out the holiday music. (Ironically, Silent Night is playing and how you wish that were the case.) 

You, too, would like to cry. But it’s Christmas, so you tell yourself you’ll just grin and bear it (and will escape to the comfort of your HSP sanctuary later to regroup and have all the alone time — and peace and quiet — you desire).

Whether it’s a holiday party or simply going to an overcrowded mall to compete with fellow shoppers for the last carton of eggnog, there are several things we HSPs dread about the holidays. Here are a handful of them. 

10 Things HSPs Dread About the Holidays

1. All the overstimulation everywhere, from bright lights to loud voices

The holidays are filled with so much joy… but also noise and extra stimuli everywhere we look. People are not just talking to each other, but shouting across store aisles, masking the Christmas music that’s on a constant loop. Not to mention traffic. If you live in a big city like I do (Los Angeles), traffic is a constant, but even road rage seems a lot worse when everyone’s in a rush to get to holiday sales or the latest festive get-together.

And although holiday lights are beautiful — who doesn’t like seeing Rudolph and the other reindeer “flying” across someone’s house in December? — they’re also triggering for HSPs due to our light sensitivity. 

2. An overabundance of small talk takes its toll on your energy

The plus and minus of holiday get-togethers is seeing people we haven’t seen in several months… which also means a lot of small talk. But we highly sensitive souls would rather have more in-depth conversations. Yes, pointing out how it’s suddenly snowing has its time and place, but what about your life? What’s going on? How’s that book you’ve been working on? What are your goals for the New Year?

3. You can only take so much “constructive” criticism from your family

Going hand in hand with small talk is the endless barrage of questions from inquisitive relatives. Although they mean well, all their probing feels like “constructive” criticism about your life: Why aren’t you married? Why are you throwing money away renting? Why don’t you stop freelancing and get a “regular” job? 

4. You overthink more than usual

Did you respond properly (i.e., nicely) to your aunt’s countless questions about why you’re still single? Did you get the “right” Christmas gift for your boss? Did you leave your holiday work party too soon (and so now everyone thinks you’re rude)? HSPs already overthink all the time, but during the holiday season, it’s increased tenfold.

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5. Crowded stores — and get-togethers — put you on edge

Shopping is usually not in the “Top 10 Activities HSPs Love Most,” but when it’s Christmas season? The hordes of shoppers, lines of kids waiting to sit on Santa’s lap at the local mall, and voices coming at us from all directions is overwhelming to say the least. All we want is to grab a carton or two of eggnog and suddenly we’re stuck in line behind a hundred ornery shoppers, making us question how much we really need that eggnog… but we promised the party host we’d bring some. And then, once we master the crowds at the stores, we have to master the crowds at holiday get-togethers (and secretly hope that many people will no-show so the events will be less overstimulating).

6. Holiday movies make you cry

Is it just me, or do holiday movies make you cry, too? As an HSP, perhaps you escape the big holiday party and go watch an animated movie with your friends’ kids in the other room. It’ll be more light-hearted than all the noise in the party room, right? Although you find yourself rooting for Rudolph in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, between the way he’s bullied and the song lyrics — All of the other reindeer / Used to laugh and call him names / They never let poor Rudolph / Join in any reindeer games — you find yourself tearing up (even more so than the kids around you). 

7. You feel “hangry (hungry + angry) more often

You know there will be a lot of food at your aunt’s holiday brunch, so you decide not to eat until you arrive. Big mistake. With all the overstimulation, you find yourself getting more and more agitated and hangry (hungry + angry) and feel eating will help… but then learn the ham still needs another hour in the oven. You remind yourself you’ll have a snack before the next holiday party you go to. But, once again, you’re really looking forward to the party food, like your Uncle Lenny’s famous potato pancakes (latkes), so you decide not to eat in advance, causing you to get hangry once again… 

8. You’re emotionally exhausted from absorbing everyone’s emotions

Not only does the hectic holiday season take its toll on you emotionally, but absorbing everyone else’s emotions and feelings does, too. Whether your cousin and his fiancée just broke up and you feel his sadness as though it’s your own or when your friend’s baby cries, you feel her pain, you find yourself taking it all on. You get more mentally and emotionally flooded than usual, perhaps because of the sheer magnitude of people — it’s not just absorbing one person’s emotions, but many people’s all at once. You feel you’re on some sort of game show seeing how much you can take…

9. You get more “HSP hangovers” than usual

As a sensitive person, you have trouble saying no to events — after all, Christmas is only once a year, so what’s one more party, right? But by putting your people-pleasing tendencies first — Aunt Shelly’s really looking forward to seeing you (even though you’re tired and would like to sit this event out) — and don’t enact boundaries, you’re bound to get an “HSP hangover”… and then another one… and another one. All the socializing catches up with you and you can’t seem to get out of bed the morning after yet another holiday get-together. But you do — and soon convince yourself that you’ll go to “just one more party.” And the cycle repeats itself, which leads to…

10. You’re really sleep-deprived

With all the holiday tasks and gatherings and overstimulation, it’s hard to get enough sleep, which is something we HSPs need more than others. Maybe it’s because we’re running from one event to the next. Or maybe it’s due to anticipation and the anxiety and excitement that keeps us up at night. Whatever the case may be, as festive as the holidays are, we can’t wait to catch up on sleep and hibernate a while once they’re over… at least until we do it all again next year. 

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• For Highly Sensitive People, the Holidays Can Be Too Much
• How to Survive the Holiday Season Hoopla When You’re an HSP
• 11 ‘Little’ Things That Overwhelm Highly Sensitive People

The post 10 Things HSPs Dread About the Holidays appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., author of The Highly Sensitive Person, is considered the pioneer of identifying HSPs; she began researching high sensitivity decades ago, in 1991. She found that certain traits are more common among HSPs, from being easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input to being more sensitive to pain.

According to Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC, and founder of Phoenix Men’s Counseling — who not only works with many HSPs, but is also one himself — HSP traits among men don’t vary much from HSP traits among women. However, the way the characteristics are perceived and accepted by others do. He says society has certain cultural beliefs and expectations of both genders, and some traits around sensitivity are viewed as more stereotypically female — and are rejected more when they come from men.

“Men may be seen as ‘weak’ in this sense, because boys are raised to embody more masculine traits, which includes stuffing feelings and emotions and learning to ‘be tough,’” he adds. But this limits men, Fierstein explains, and may stigmatize highly sensitive men into suppressing themselves when they’re perceived as “too sensitive.” So one of the biggest challenges some men may face is coming to terms with the fact that they may be a highly sensitive person — and then accepting and embracing it.

“There is nothing weak about men being sensitive, and until that stigma really gets challenged, men need to trust that their sensitivity can only help them, especially in their various relationships,” says Fierstein.

Curious if you are one? Here are some key signs you’re a highly sensitive male — or know one. Keep in mind these traits are common to highly sensitive females (both kids and adults) as well.

Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Man 

1. You’re easily overwhelmed by sensory input, everything from bright lights to exterior sounds, like a police siren. 

Many people may notice bright lights and police sirens, but highly sensitive men are more affected by them than non-HSP men; instead of the stimulus being in the background of their mind, it’s in the forefront.

2. You process information more quickly.

Highly sensitive men take in and process more information faster than their less sensitive peers, says Katy Dimple Manning, LMSW at Houston Therapy. “While some may call sensitivity a weakness, I see it as a superpower,” she says.

3. You’re sensitive to other people’s moods.

Manning says that highly sensitive men are not just sensitive to other people’s moods, but are also the person their friends prefer to confide in. “Your friends may describe you as understanding and empathetic,” she says.

However, this can sometimes be a detriment since it can be emotionally exhausting for you to constantly take in others’ moods and feelings.

4. You’re more aware of your needs.

“Highly sensitive men may recognize their highly sensitive nature as the strength it is and learn how to leverage it like a useful tool,” explains Manning. As a result, she says, you tend to feel more comfortable than non-HSPs in making specific requests in order to get your needs met, whether it’s asking for more detailed instructions on a work project or making sure your partner knows how you prefer to receive affection.  

5. You’re more emotional.

The highly sensitive male may be more emotional than non-HSP males. “You are sensitive to other people and their remarks, and can have your feelings easily hurt,” says Fierstein. “You are also more in tune with your feminine aspects — like love, beauty, compassion, empathy, and nurturing — yet can also be tearful. This can be a positive thing in that highly sensitive men can be in touch with sensitive situations that call for emotional responsiveness.”

6. You’re conscientious and detail-oriented.

Highly sensitive men tend to be conscientious and detail-oriented, which can prove to be very useful at work, as you avoid making mistakes. However, you can also become frazzled if you have too much to do at once.

“At work, men who are HSPs may be valued for their ability to be understanding in a workforce with a growing percentage of women,” says Manning. “In addition, their ability to pay attention to details and ensure a workplace is not physically overstimulating are beneficial to any team.”

7. You’re an ideal leader.

Related to the above, highly sensitive men’s traits — such as their perceptiveness and attention to detail — lend themselves to such men excelling in a leadership position. For example, you’re likely to be empathetic and receptive to your colleagues’ thoughts and opinions, as well as know how to best delegate tasks. “You are also creative and have a big and active imagination, which can be beneficial, too,” says Manning.

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8. You don’t like change.

In general, HSPs don’t like change, as it brings about too many new stimuli. Instead, they like their current routines. If these routines are changed, it may throw you off and take you more time to adjust than it would a non-HSP.

9. You don’t have a high threshold for pain.

Contrary to the typical male stereotype — the guy who can grit his teeth and muscle through anything — HSP men are more sensitive and prone to pain than non-HSPs, whether it’s emotional or physical, such as criticism from someone or a headache or injury.

10. You easily get hangry.

Since HSPs are more sensitive to things such as pain and stimulants, like caffeine, they’re also more sensitive when it comes to getting hangry — hungry + angry — which can quickly disrupt their mood.

11. You need alone time.

Overstimulation often makes highly sensitive men crave alone time — anywhere they can find privacy away from external stimuli. “You need time to recharge,” says Manning, even if you consider yourself an extrovert. You’ve probably heard of the “man cave,” and this concept is similar. 

12. You avoid entertainment with violence, such as movies, music, or TV shows.

Although there are plenty of exceptions, highly sensitive men tend to not like movies, music, or TV shows with strong violence, as they’re too much for them, emotionally, and may cause anxiety — when the movie, song, or TV show is over, it lingers in the HSP’s mind. If this describes you, you may fall into the HSP category.

13. You appreciate the little things that awaken the senses.

Highly sensitive men may be more receptive to little things that awaken the senses, whether it’s a relaxing piece of music, a painting, or the taste of whatever it is they’re eating. While others may not think twice about such things, highly sensitive men like you are more than aware of them and even relish them.

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• 21 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person
• Dear Men: ‘Sensitive’ Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 13 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Man appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.