I was nine years old; introverted, anxious, and a highly sensitive person — and my entire world had been turned upside down.

They say hindsight is 20/20, and looking back, it’s easy to see why it took me so much longer than the rest of my family to adjust to our new home and city. And yet, even armed with that knowledge, I didn’t expect to have any of the same issues when I moved out of my parents’ home as a young adult.

Spoiler alert: I absolutely did.

I cheerfully picked out an apartment, packed up my belongings, and immediately set about making my new home a place I could call my own. But on that first night, as I lay in bed in a room that felt too big, surrounded by unfamiliar sounds and smells, the anxiety began to creep in. Again, I found myself wandering, submerged in a sea of emotions — and this time I had done it to myself.

But, as with so many things I’ve googled when wondering what the hell is wrong with me, these feelings surrounding a move are not uncommon to highly sensitive people. Research suggests that everyone is susceptible to feeling miserable after a move. But because HSPs process experiences more deeply than others, for many of them, moving is extremely unsettling.

Let’s explore the specifics behind why moving can be overwhelming for HSPs, plus how to make your next (or current) move easier.

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Why Is Moving So Unsettling for HSPs?

As highly sensitive people, we crave the feeling of comfort and familiarity in our everyday environment. For this reason, even “fun” things like traveling or taking a vacation can be extraordinarily stressful.

It’s a similar story when it comes to moving to a new home. Moving brings up a veritable smorgasbord of emotions. Our homes are attached to our wellbeing, and physically tearing ourselves away from them may cause feelings of sadness, regret, frustration, and anger.

Melody Warnick, author of the book, This Is Where You Belong: The Art and Science of Loving the Place You Live, explains that this is called “place attachment,” which is “the feeling of belonging and rootedness where you live.” It takes a while to create place attachment, and we often feel unhappy until we do.

In other words, it’s completely normal to feel upset after a move.

Getting used to a brand new house, where things feel, sound, and look different, can also be very difficult. Your former home, neighborhood, and familiar places kept you centered, and now you may feel unanchored, set adrift. For all intents and purposes, moving leads to a grieving process of sorts.

There’s also quite a bit of overwhelm and exhaustion that comes with moving. You have to go through the entire rigamoroll of buying a home or renting an apartment, logistically plan the entire process from beginning to end, pack all your worldly belongings into boxes, and actually move heavy items from one place to another. There’s so much multitasking, hurry, and commotion about that it’s incredibly easy to become completely overwhelmed. Moving takes a lot of energy — and it doesn’t offer many opportunities for HSPs to recharge.

When highly sensitive people are deprived of the opportunity for emotional quiet, the “fight or flight” response can kick in and hinder the ability to settle into a new environment. If this goes on for too long, anxiety can rear its ugly head.

Fortunately, this anxiety is a temporary response to feeling overwhelmed. It will clear up as you become more comfortable in your new life.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

How You Can Make a Move Easier

Now that we know why moving can be so hard on HSPs, let’s look at a five ways to make the process less painful:

1. Give yourself ample time to physically, mentally, and emotionally prepare for the move. Make a list of the good things that will result from the move, as well as a list of things that worry you and how you might mitigate them.
2. Take time during the move for downtime. This will help to replenish your energy stores, as well as prevent emotional flooding and burnout.
3. Clutter and general disarray can make the anxiety of being in a new place worse. Unpack as quickly as you can to add a sense of familiarity to your new home.
4. A study found that people who had recently moved spent less time on leisure activities and more time on the computer (presumably staying in contact with friends and family back home) than people who had stayed put. After a move, resist the urge to hunker down. Go for a walk and explore your new neighborhood. Say yes to some social invitations. Do the activities that made you happy in your old place. The sooner you create a new bond of place attachment, the better you’ll feel.
5. Finally, if at all possible, take a day or two off after you’re fully moved to settle into your new home. Having just gone through a major transition, you’ll need some time to put down roots before going back to your usual schedule.

Moving is stressful, especially for those of us who are highly sensitive. However, by preparing yourself ahead of time, finding quiet moments to recharge, and allowing yourself to process your emotions, you can take some of the sting out of the move.

A version of this article was originally published on Introvert, Dear.

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The post Why Is Moving to a New Home So Unsettling for Highly Sensitive People? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

No matter where you fall on the political spectrum, it’s difficult to remain unaffected by the current state of our conflict-ridden country. This is especially true for highly sensitive people (HSPs). Thanks to our extraordinarily responsive nervous systems, the constant barrage of polarizing news has left many of us emotionally raw — trapped in an endless state of fight or flight. And since daily life is already extra stressful for us, due to our deep processing, this nonstop stream of devastating news only serves to make it more difficult than it already is.

Due to a biological difference, HSPs experience emotions deeply, startle easily, and can quickly become overwhelmed. Because of this, sustained exposure to events that elicit a sensitivity response can be overwhelming. We may even feel the stress physically — upset stomach, insomnia, depressed immune system. Or it may manifest mentally, through anxiety and/or depression. The bottom line is that for many highly sensitive people, their emotions externalize themselves through their bodies — and their bodies are changed by their emotions

HSP or not, news overload is real. But for highly sensitive people, it can be even more debilitating.

(That’s just the beginning of what it means to be a highly sensitive. Check out our in-depth guide for more.)

Although it’s important to remain informed and aware of what’s happening in the world, the stress of doing so can take a serious toll on the HSP’s health. Part of being a highly sensitive person is knowing your limits and how to best manage them. It’s not uncommon for HSPs to have to make adjustments in order to stay happy and healthy. If you’re finding these times of political and social unrest to be a little too draining, here are three ways to take a step back and regain control.

How HSPs Can Cope with News Overload

1. Be informed, not immersed.

There are ways to stay aware of what’s happening in the world without completely drowning in bad news. Here’s a tip from my therapist that I’ve found to be really helpful: Limit the time you spend reading or listening to the news to 10-15 minutes a day.

It helps to work it into your daily routine by setting aside a specific time to do so. Once you’re done taking in the news, process your emotions, feel what you need to feel, and then go on with your day.

And whatever you do, avoid reading the comments section — there’s rarely anything useful or constructive there. If you’re a highly sensitive person, just reading an argument between two people — even if it doesn’t involve you — can be enough to make you feel stressed.

Finally, take action, but don’t let it consume your life. For example, say you’re troubled by gun violence. Your options might be to reach out to your representatives and share your concerns, take part in a protest, or volunteer your time with an advocacy group. You could choose to do one, two, or all three of these things. Just make sure you’re basing your choices on what will help you make a change without compromising your mental and physical health.

2. Take a break from social media.

If you’re so overwhelmed by the news that even once a day is too much, it’s time to take a break. It may feel like giving up, but it’s not — you’re simply taking a short hiatus for the sake of your sanity.

Start by letting key people know you’ll be taking some time off and how they can contact you if necessary. Then, delete all social media apps from your phone. If you don’t need to occasionally view social media sites for work, consider adding an extension to your browser to block access to websites such as Facebook or Twitter.

You might be surprised just how refreshing a social media detox can be. Though it certainly has its positive aspects, social media has some serious downsides as well. A survey from the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine found 30 percent of people who check their social media accounts multiple times a day reported high levels of sleep disturbance. What’s more, 25 percent presented strong signs of depression.

Taking a break from social media means your exposure to bad news, conflict, and divisive politics will be almost nil. It’ll allow you to breathe easier, sleep better, enjoy your surroundings, and be far more present in your relationships with others.

3. Communicate your needs.

One of the hardest parts about cutting back on how much news you take in is avoiding it in conversation. It seems like, most of the time, it’s all anyone wants to talk about. This is understandable, of course. These events are shaping both the present and future of our country and the world, so people are bound to have strong opinions and emotions regarding them.

Talk to your friends, family, and coworkers about why you’re taking a break from the news. Explain how all of the conflict you’re being exposed to on a daily basis has been affecting you. Then, politely request they not share news stories with you unless it’s urgent.

Whether you’re cutting back on your exposure to the news or cutting it out of your life altogether, one of the best ways to navigate these tough times is to spread humor, love, and happiness wherever you go. Take time to strengthen your relationships with others and establish a sense of emotional safety and belonging. Spend some time really soaking in the beauty of nature. Meditate, read a book, watch your favorite TV shows, throw yourself into a hobby, or do your favorite self-care activity. Give your frazzled nervous system the time it needs to recover.

Most importantly, remember that it’s 100 percent okay to take a break from the world every now and then. As the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup — take care of yourself first.”

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The post News Overload Is Real. Here’s How It Affects Highly Sensitive People. appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I adopted Vincent when he was eight weeks old from my local humane society. The roly-poly puppy quickly grew into a 125-pound giant of a dog — one who wanted only to love and to be loved in return. Vince was the goodest of boys, sweet and gentle, playful and lazy in turns, and happy to match my energy level, whatever it was. He was an absolute delight to come home to at the end of the day and the best part of my weekends to be sure.

I made the agonizing decision to put him down 15 days after his 12th birthday. Terminal nasal cancer had sapped his energy, made it hard for him to eat, and given him a near-constant nosebleed. Although I knew I was doing what was right for him, the feelings of guilt and sorrow were staggering. As I write this, the grief is still quite raw. It’s only been 10 days since he passed.

Why Pet Loss Is Especially Hard for Many Highly Sensitive People

Losing a beloved pet can shatter us emotionally, highly sensitive or not. Our pets are cherished members of our family, and saying goodbye is absolutely excruciating. If you’re reading this article because you recently lost an animal companion, I want to offer my sincerest condolences. I completely understand the heartache you’re feeling right now.

Pet loss can be hard for anyone, but for highly sensitive people (HSPs), it may be even more difficult. Why? Because many HSPs are ardent animal lovers. Animals provide the companionship, acceptance, emotional support, and unconditional love we need without draining our energy by expecting constant conversation. They’re predictable, emotionally stable, honest, easy to understand, and even easier to please. It’s no wonder we lose our hearts to them so easily — and lament their loss so deeply.

On top of that, highly sensitive people process things deeply. Due to their wiring, HSPs think deeply about their experiences, as well as look for a larger meaning behind events. They not only process information deeply but also feel it deeply — making it impossible to simply “get over” the loss of a pet quickly.

Are you an HSP who’s recently lost a pet? Here are five things to keep in mind that have helped me.

How to Deal With Pet Loss

1. Experience your feelings as they come

When a beloved pet dies, it’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed by the depth of your anguish. During this time, it’s important to give yourself permission to experience your feelings as they come. The shape grief takes is different for each person. You may find that it occurs in stages, where feelings such as shock, denial, anger, guilt, loneliness, and depression come in turns. Or you may encounter your grief in waves, a series of highs and lows.

Grief also has a tendency to make you hyper-sensitive — the last thing a highly sensitive person needs. For HSPs, day to day life can already be overwhelming as you feel everything so deeply. When grief takes over, it will seem as if all your feelings have been magnified. You will feel them so intensely that, at times, it may seem as if your body simply can’t handle the pain. But it can, and you will be able to live — and feel — normally again.

The grieving process happens gradually and can’t be forced or hurried. You may start to feel better in a few weeks or months — or it may take years. Whatever your experience, it’s necessary to be patient with yourself and go at your own pace. Process your grief as long as you need to.

2. Remove the guilt

Most of us hope that our pets will pass peacefully in their sleep. Unfortunately, it rarely happens that way. One of the hardest parts of caring for a pet is facing the possibility of euthanasia. Though euthanasia often spares our pets from the pain and suffering of the end stages of life, many pet owners feel a bone-aching guilt at having to make that choice for their precious companion.

These feelings of guilt often center on worries that the decision to euthanize was premature, or conversely, that it was overdue. Some pet owners may even label themselves a murderer, assigning the guilt of the loss to themselves instead of the illness/event that actually took the life of their pet. As painful as euthanasia is for us, remember that it can be a gift we can give to our pets — a way to say thank you for all the comfort and joy they offered us by ending their suffering in a dignified, painless, and loving manner.

3. Lower your walls

If you’re a highly sensitive person who withdraws when hurt, you may find yourself isolated in your grief. Unfortunately, if you continue to carry that pain alone, you will not heal. As impossible — and uncomfortable — as it may seem, it’s important to reach out to a trusted friend or family member. Don’t worry about burdening someone else with your grief — the people who love you want to help. If your roles were reversed, you know you would want your loved ones to come to you if they needed a shoulder to cry on.

4. Find healthy ways to cope

If you’re looking for healthy ways to cope with the pain of your loss and come to terms with your grief, consider the following:

• Write about your feelings. Poems, essays, short stories, and articles are all avenues you can take to cope with your grief via the written word.
• Honor your pet by planting a tree, making a donation to an animal-related charity, putting together a scrapbook, or installing a plaque in your yard.
• Gather with friends and family to hold a memorial service. You can say goodbye and celebrate your pet’s life with the people you love.
• You may get stuck in your head and struggle to open up to loved ones. If you need to talk to a neutral party, you can call Washington State University’s pet loss hotline at 1-(866) 266-8635.

Euthanasia and accidental death can add a traumatic component to grief and loss. Symptoms of PTSD (nightmares, obsessive thoughts, panic, and recurring images) can cause sleep loss, irritability, and interfere with your day-to-day functioning. If you have these symptoms — and they persist over weeks or months — it might be time to talk to a mental health professional. Discussing your feelings can help relieve self-doubt and other ruinous tendencies.

5. Schedule extra self-care

The strain of losing a pet can exhaust both your energy and emotional reserves — which can make it hard to take care of yourself. However, it’s important to try. Do what you can to ensure you’re getting the nutrition, exercise, and sleep you need. Spend plenty of quality time with the people who care about you.

Take some time off work if you feel too distracted to do your job right. Most people will take a leave of absence from work when a human family member dies, but not when an animal companion dies. It’s totally okay to do both. Don’t be afraid to take a day off because you’re worried about what your boss will think or don’t want to be seen as replaceable — taking care of your mental health will make you a better employee in the long run.

Losing a pet is one of the hardest things you’ll ever go through, and the pain of that loss is bound to be almost unbearable at first. However, as time passes, the intensity of these feelings will grow more tolerable. Be comforted knowing that there will come a day when you can look back on fond memories of your friend with both love and a strong heart.

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The post Why Is Losing a Pet Especially Hard for Highly Sensitive People? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

It can be a truly distressing experience.

As a highly sensitive person with a diagnosed anxiety disorder, I’ve found myself overwhelmed and overstimulated more times than I can count. As such, I’ve learned how to cope with these feelings and regain my composure. If you’re overwhelmed or overstimulated, here are eight things you can do to center yourself and relax.

How to Regain Calm When You’re Overstimulated

1. If possible, remove yourself from the situation

Listen to your instincts and remove yourself from whatever situation is causing you to become overwhelmed. If you’re inside a building, getting outside is your best bet — but leaving the noisy/crowded room will work as well. If you’re in a crowd outdoors, move to a clear area. In a pinch, single stall bathrooms and cars are a great, quiet place to duck into.

2. Do box breathing

This one comes straight from my therapist. If you can’t remove yourself from the overwhelming situation, the best way to calm down quickly is to do a deep breathing exercise. Box breathing is the easiest deep breathing technique to remember when you’re overwhelmed:

• Slowly and steadily inhale through your nose while counting to four.
• Hold the breath while counting to four.
• Exhale slowly and steadily through your mouth while counting to four.
• Continue this pattern for four minutes.

Practice the box breathing technique while you’re calm to make it easier to tap into it when you’re in a frantic mindset.

3. Get outside

There’s something so soothing about a leisurely stroll through the park or a simple hike up your favorite trail. When the clamor of everyday life gets to be too much, taking some time to get back to the tranquility of nature can be incredibly relaxing. Plus, studies have continually shown that getting some sun does wonders for your mood and energy levels.

While a jog to the park may not always be feasible when you’re overwhelmed, stepping outside and taking a brisk walk around a nearby quiet neighborhood or office complex will work as well.

4. Read a book

A little bit of healthy escapism is comfort food for the soul, and nothing quite lends itself to escapism like a good book. Furthermore, books are an excellent relaxation tool. In a study conducted by the University of Sussex, subjects who read for only six minutes exhibited slower heart rates, less muscle tension, and reduced stress levels.

Once you’ve removed yourself from whatever situation has you overwhelmed or overstimulated, get to your happy place and crack open a book. To really dial up the relaxation, cozy up under your favorite blanket and grab a cup of tea, coffee, or hot cocoa.

5. Focus on your body

When we talk about self-care, we often talk about doing the activities we find especially soothing or revitalizing, like cooking, exercising, or engaging in a hobby. But actually taking care of your body is one of the best forms of self-care. Take some time to turn your focus onto your body; give yourself a manicure, go through your favorite skin care routine, do your makeup, or give yourself a hot towel shave.

Want some more HSP-friendly self-care ideas? Check out this post.

6. Take a bath

Speaking of taking care of your body, a hot bath or shower when you’re feeling overwhelmed is an easy way to calm down quickly. Submerging ourselves in warm water causes our brains to release serotonin (a neurotransmitter that regulates mood, appetite, sleep, and social functioning). Baths are also a great way to indulge in a bit of aromatherapy. Lavender, rose, or chamomile essential oils (or bath bombs) will help to relax you even further.

7. Listen to music

If you’re not too overstimulated to enjoy a little music, consider pulling up your favorite calming playlist and popping in your earbuds. According to Duquesne University, music can produce positive physiological reactions, including (but not limited to) healthier respiration, pulse, and blood pressure. If you don’t have anything at the ready, both Spotify and YouTube are practically awash in playlists curated specifically to induce feelings of calm and peacefulness.

8. Stay off social media

When you’re overwhelmed and overstimulated, it’s important to avoid any activities that will further exacerbate your symptoms. Unfortunately, social media sites (as much as we love them) have become increasingly aggravating as time goes on. The world is divided on so many things, and we’re turning to social media to talk about it.

Thirty-eight percent of social media users like and promote political and social material, and no matter where you fall on the spectrum, you’re likely to see something that either angers or saddens you. When you’re already upset, this isn’t what you need. Take a break from social media until you’re feeling stable.

Being overwhelmed or overstimulated to the point of wanting to run is an upsetting experience to be sure, but there are ways to calm yourself down quickly and regain control. Remove yourself from the situation, do breathing exercises, and whenever possible, go home and relax. You got this.

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

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