We highly sensitive humans have special qualities that both bring us triumph and cause us turmoil. Our rich inner life and emotional nature make us intuitive, creative, and compassionate; however, our delicate nature at times also causes us to feel overwhelmed and exasperated with the chaos of the modern world. English poet William Wordsworth perfectly summed it up when he wrote, “the world is too much with us.”

HSP, if you’re feeling like the world is “too much” for you, then it’s time for some pampering and self-love. Here are seven small ways I treat myself; perhaps they will bring you comfort, solace, and rejuvenation as well.

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Self-Care Ideas for the Highly Sensitive

1. Candles

There’s something about the mystique of a candle flickering in the dark that comforts my highly sensitive soul. Add a pleasing scent and, even better, a crackling wood flame, and I’m instantly transported to my “happy place.” Forever an “old soul” — as many highly sensitive people are — my spirit leaps at this small luxury. Perhaps the otherworldly and enchanting aura of the past reflects itself in the flame, and somehow this small item acts as my porthole into the sanctuary of another time and place.

Even better, it allows me to inhabit other, more immediate sanctuaries — my inner selves, my imagination, and my crucial need for quiet reflection.

2. Fragrance

Highly sensitive souls are deeply sensual and have an appreciation for anything that brings us closer to our emotions. Sonya Rykiel, French fashion designer and writer, perfectly explains the allure and intoxication of fragrance:

“Perfume is like a parenthesis, a moment of freedom, peace, love and sensuality in between the disturbances of modern living.”=

Sensitive souls like you and me need this olfactory vacation; we’re bombarded throughout the day by unpleasant smells, and due to our deep processing, we run the risk of becoming smangry. A rich fragrance, on the other hand, quiets my inner mania and rebalances my equilibrium.

In addition, perfume adds a fantastical element to the mundane world I sometimes feel trapped in. As HSPs, our vibrant inner world is usually far more intriguing than the outer one. The added sensory aspect of fragrance enhances the drama of my surroundings, bringing  a touch of charm to the day-to-day drudgery.

3. Books

Poet Anaïs Nin once said:

“Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a center. So we lost our center and have to find it again.”

Her words could be applied to highly sensitive people as well, as we think deeply, crave downtime, and cherish calm.

Books help me find this center. Through immersing myself in the life and thoughts of others through literature, I come closer to understanding myself and my world. I use the lessons gathered in their pages to unravel the intricacies of my own psyche and the complexity of the souls who wander through my world. This thirst for understanding preoccupies all HSPs, and a book is a cool drink of water for our parched souls.

4. Anything soft or fuzzy

Sometimes my HSP need for inner tranquility translates into odd texture fetish: for example, brushed cotton pajamas, a wooly sherpa blanket, the cool slick touch of silk, or the comforting warmth of cashmere. These make my heart beat a little faster — in a good way. Why? Perhaps they remind me of the security of the womb, soft, safe, and snug. Being nestled in a cocoon of tranquil textures calms my anxiety and provides a soothing barrier from the harsh chaos of the world.

5. Music

Looking for good words to describe the highly sensitive soul, I came across one that seems to sum up the needs of most of my tribe: Epicurean. In its modern day usage, it means indulgence or the desire for the extravagance of sensual pleasure. For those most attuned to their inner identity, music provides this luxury. For me, it is the soulful piano melodies of Chopin. For you, it may be the hypnotic notes of Billie Holliday as she croons to a provocative jazz rhythm.

Everyone’s preferences in music are different, but its curative powers remain universal. Music speaks to my sensitive soul, mirroring my emotions or acting as a soothing balm. At times, I, like many highly sensitive souls, feel there are so many different sides of me struggling to coalesce, and music speaks to each of these warring factions, somehow bringing them into balance.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

6. Silence

“Silence is golden” is never more true than for the highly sensitive soul. Chatty coworkers. Crying babies. Arguing children. The endless stream of outside noise can chip away at our limited energy. I have to have a “time out” of sorts, and a few moments of silence can do wonders to alleviate my struggles.

A white noise machine (or one featuring gentle ocean sounds) can take the bite out of the auditory overload we HSPs often experience. Less glamorous but still helpful? Noise cancelling headphones make the ambient sounds of the workplace or subway less taxing for me.

But the best case scenario for those willing to pay more for a peaceful interlude? My best “me” gifts are giving myself up to the pleasure of a weekend trip to the mountains or a quaint bed and breakfast near the ocean; there’s no better balm for overstimulation than switching from sounds of screeching traffic or police sirens to the quieting murmur of ocean waves or the lulling sounds of a babbling brook.

7. Mix and match the above ideas for self-love success

These are some ideas that thrill my highly sensitive soul. Brainstorm your own similar options that evoke the pleasures of the senses. For example, instead of perfume, you could purchase an aromatherapy diffuser which radiates the calming scent of lavender or the comforting essence of chamomile. Add more pleasure by investing in a soft, velvety, weighted blanket — perfect for those who have anxiety because the added weight calms the muscles and hugs the user in a swaddling effect.

Whatever the treat, rest assured it will be perfect if it speaks to your senses, promotes beauty and balance, or entices the emotions. Happy hunting, and may you find the peace your highly sensitive soul deeply deserves.

You might like:

• 20 Self-Care Ideas for Highly Sensitive People
• When You’re Sensitive to Smells, You Really Do Get ‘Smangry’
• The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Saying No

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 7 Self-Care Ideas for the Highly Sensitive Soul appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Life is stressful for everyone. Nine-to-five work, kids, deadlines, and chaos — all the usual suspects that leave our heads spinning and our hearts racing.

For highly sensitive people (HSPs), however, the stress of daily life can be magnified. The daily vortex of movement, stimulation, and multi-tasking can chew us up and spit us out like a glob of slime. We lose our shape, becoming devoid of motivation. We want to slither into the cracks and corners to get respite from the mixing bowl of modern life.

The problem is — there is no escape. Life must be lived, children must be raised, work must be done, and bills must be paid. The result? We burn out.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. First, let’s take a closer look at why HSPs burn out quicker than others, then I’ll share what I do to get relief.

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They Call It the ‘Daily Grind’ for a Reason

Too. Much. Stimulation. My son is a gamer, and to support him, I watch his stream online. It reminds me of my life, an array of shadows, shaking, jolting, quick turns, and reckless back and forth. The whole thing looks like it’s being filmed by a cameraman who’s had one too many shots of Tequila. I literally get anxious watching, almost like a mild case of vertigo.

A mother, a teacher, and a highly sensitive person, some days it feels like I live a real-life version of this video game. I look at some of my companions, young, single, and without children, and I stare in envy at their manicures, at the twenty minutes their hands were rubbed and caressed, or their ability to come home from work and cuddle into the covers for an afterwork nap that provides an interlude of peace.

For me, the demands of the world never slow down. There are no upcoming vacations when you have a 17 year old who needs money for college. No “time out” refreshers when you’re a teacher with 23 children you can never let out of your sight. No moment at home where you are not bombarded with yells for dinner, background dings, and pings of one teenager on a texting rampage and another blasting rap music that thuds like the house is getting ready to come down. Sometimes, I feel a psychosomatic bit of hives come on, and I want to scratch at my face and hide in the bathroom until my anxiety quells.

For highly sensitive people like you and me, the daily grind can take a toll. Due to the way we’re wired, we process and feel things deeply — and that includes stress. “Little” problems that others brush off are experienced deeply in our bodies and reflected on thoroughly in our minds. Throw in time pressure, such as a long to-do list or an impending deadline, and you have sure-fire recipe for overwhelm.

The results can be emotional as well as physical. If you’re like me, at peak moments of stress, you’re visited by a slew of “frenemies.” At these moments, you may hear the knocking of life-long “acquaintances” ranging from the fabulously friendly Mr. Common Cold to the chatty Anxiety Attack to the darling life-long friend Depression.

Stress can also make it seem impossible for us to separate our “fight-or-flight” response from the inescapable realities of everyday life. I have endured whole days where it felt like I was a ticking time bomb — heart racing, dizziness, shakiness, all from stress. However, all that my friends, students, and children saw was an almost imperceptible heavy breathing and a clumsiness while I was going about the business of teaching or parenting. But on the inside, I was literally falling apart.

Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon experience for many HSPs.

3 Things That Help Me Beat Stress and Burnout

So what can we do to get relief? Here are three things that help me.

1. Take care of your body, and your emotions will follow.

It sounds simple — almost clichéd — but it’s true. Our physical body can greatly impact our emotional responses. Get adequate sleep. Make your bedroom a sanctuary of white noise, soft inviting sheets, a perfect (just cool enough) temperature to ensure the best night’s rest. Exercise to burn off the physical and emotional tension that accumulates over the span of a hectic day.

Try eating foods that help your body ward off the effects of stress. Health.com recommends foods like:

• green leafy vegetables such as spinach, which contain folate — this helps you produce dopamine, the “pleasure” chemical
• turkey breast, tofu, fish, or lentils — these contain tryptophan, which may help you feel more calm and agreeable
• foods that contain antioxidants, such as blueberries, which may help improve your body’s response to stress
• dark chocolate (just a little!), which may reduce cortisol, the stress hormone

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

2. Get comfortable saying no.

As a highly sensitive person, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve taken on extra work to avoid conflict or guilt. I used to come home to a messy house and two wonderful but spoiled teenagers, because when the chore wars began, I just couldn’t take the rash of yelling and fighting. I would clean the entire house before the family woke up so there would be no squabbles over who should have taken out the trash and where the blessed earbuds were. I let the children DJ my car radio with tunes that made the hairs on my arms rise and my heartbeat skip and race in time to the music. All just so I could keep my sanity with a semblance of peace.

The problem is, I created this bad habit, and the stress it created in me was worse than the noise. Maybe you’ve done the same. Don’t worry, you can fix it. The solution begins with a simple, two-letter word: no.

No, look for your own earbuds. No, I am choosing the music station. No, you pick up your own mess. Say it, and mean it. (Here are some tips to help you say no effectively and guilt free.)

3. Leave.

Some might say this is a cop-out. A coward’s response. But not so for highly sensitive people. Leaving is a life-saving measure that cannot be used at all times, but must be used for those times — you know the ones I mean. If you need to escape the party and sit alone in the bathroom for fifteen minutes, do it. If you need to take a walk or run an errand to get away from work for a short time, there’s no shame in that. And if you need to take the day completely off, go right ahead.

We must not berate ourselves when our bodies and minds are calling 911. Sure, you may lose 20 minutes, three hours, or a day of work productivity, but to deny yourself this escape is to put yourself at danger level. Make the escape, and use it, so that you can come back to the world in peace and functionality.

We highly sensitive people have a lot to give, and boy, do we give it. However, sometimes we must be a little more “selfish.” We need to keep our own motors humming along and not sputtering out. So, dear HSP, I hope the lesson you take away from this post is this: take time for yourself, take a break, and heck, even take off entirely every once in a while. You’ll be better for doing it.

You might like:

• 7 Self-Care Ideas for the Highly Sensitive Soul
• Dear Friends, I Love You, But I Just Can’t Go Out Tonight. Sincerely, an HSP
• The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Saying No

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Why HSPs Burn Out So Quickly (and How to Get Relief) appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

With a tinge of hurt as I click away, I also see the forced restraint in his posture, the apologetic look he gives me as he checks his watch, eager to end this moment for the coming magical events of the night. He doesn’t want to hurt me, yet I feel the beautiful bitter pain of a son leaving me step by patent-leathered step.

This ability to feel emotions so deeply — both one’s own feelings, and even those of others — is a core part of what it means to be a highly sensitive person (HSP). It can bring palaces of pleasure one moment, volcanoes the next.

Here’s why HSPs like me feel things so deeply, why it’s both a blessing and a curse, and how you can use this ability without getting overwhelmed. 

This is life as a highly sensitive person. Everything is heightened — the smells, the images, even the words of a particular moment in time.

Why Do HSPs Feel Everything So Deeply?  

In a Psychology Today post, Marwa Azab, Ph.D., explains the traits of a highly sensitive person and the biology behind their actions:

“An HSP’s brain is wired differently and the nervous system is highly sensitive with a lower threshold for action. This hyper-excitability contributes to increased emotional reactivity, a lower threshold for sensory information, and an increased awareness of subtleties.” 

In other words: everything hits us harder. From emotions to the environment around us. 

These traits can make life difficult for HSPs. Like a merry-go-round that doesn’t stop, the highly sensitive person’s emotions can struggle to reach equilibrium. 

The result? A dizzied rider who is physically and emotionally drained, and a sensitive soul in desperate need of a moment’s peace.

Which is why it’s so important for HSPs to be able to see their ability as a “blessing” as well as “curse” — and learn to draw on that blessing when needed. 

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3 ‘Blessings’ and ‘Curses’ of Feeling Things Deeply

1. When times are good, we ride on a rainbow of sensory happiness.

As an English teacher and aficionado of literature and fine liquors, I have a fascination with absinthe. Invented by Pierre Ordinaire, a doctor who discovered that distilled wormwood had healing effects, the drink known as the “green fairy” lured in many artists for its supposed heightening of sensory perception. One doctor describes the feeling that absinthe facilitates as “all sensations are perceived by all senses at once.” He compares the sensation to “breathing sounds and hearing colors.” 

This is life as a highly sensitive person. Everything is heightened — the smells, the images, even the words of a particular moment in time. 

In summer, for example, we soak in nature’s beauty like few others can: the fragrant smell of honeysuckle, the caressing breeze, the delicious heat of the sun. Each experience is magnified by the HSP’s acute internalizing of external stimuli, adding emotional color to moments that others see only in black and white. 

But it works both ways. In the grip of life’s metaphorical winters, the keen ability to feel can be as harsh as a freezing wind.

To find peace, an HSP must carefully tuck away the beautiful moments as a buffer against the uglier ones. When I find myself enjoying and savoring a beautiful experience, I try to take a moment to “memorize” the feeling. It’s funny how simply reflecting back on those warm moments can quickly soften my mood during harder times. 

2. We can appreciate the arts in a way that few others can.

In his book, No Man Is an Island, Thomas Merton writes that “art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” This is especially true for HSPs, who tend to be creative and greatly value beauty around them.

Each chord in a musical composition, each stroke of an artist’s paintbrush, each perfectly chosen word speaks to us profoundly. Some of my greatest accomplishments are linked to this connection to the arts. Anytime I’ve had the courage to leap into the unknown or make a difficult change, it always started with being touched by a poem or piece of literature. 

For example, at age 46, I find myself fighting a mid-life crisis. With so many responsibilities, there are times I want to throw in the towel on my own self-advancement. Enter Dylan Thomas’s poem “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.” In the poem, Thomas begs his father to “rage, rage against the dying of the light.” This line speaks to me, moving me to keep fighting to achieve my goals.

But art also exposes the pain and suffering in the world. Kevin Carter’s Pulitzer Prize-winning photo “Struggling Girl” (*warning: very hard to look at*) tells an important story, but the cruelty it depicts sears my soul. It did the same for Carter himself, and ultimately led to the end of his own life (*warning: also very hard to read*). The image itself is one that occasionally conjures itself unbidden in my mind when the darker nature of the world has me in its grasp. Perhaps Carter was a highly sensitive soul himself, and the truth of his art spoke too loudly to his heart. This ability to internalize artwork can be both joyous and devastating.

To counteract this struggle, the HSP should heed the words of Nietzche, who states that “[one] must have chaos within [one] to give birth to a dancing star.” Only by feeling the brutal truths of life can you work to create change, to turn the artistry of this world into a canvas filled with more joy than heartbreak.

3. We may struggle with reason in the tight-fisted grip of our senses.

In The Great Pearl of Wisdom, Bangambiki Habyarimana says that “reason is the gatekeeper, but it cannot resist the rushing torrents of emotion.” As highly sensitive people, our “gates” can get scarred from sensory input and emotional overload. All too often, when we find ourselves in an emotionally stimulating environment, we have a very hard time controlling our reactions. Instead of thinking it through, we may react intuitively and spontaneously. 

Take speaking in front of a group of people. We HSPs feel each rustle of breeze as we wait to speak, we hear the murmured conversations echoing in the background and the scratching sound of the polyester we’re wearing. Our nervousness and fears can drown out all reason and ultimately affect our performance. In extreme cases, an HSP may be the one who simply leaves rather than “soldiering on” and giving the talk anyway.

It can also endanger relationships. In a romantic relationship, we may panic at the first sign that a partner isn’t as interested in us as we are in them, or start imagining someone else during a perfectly normal phase of monotony (yes, every relationship goes through these phases!). In our careers, likewise, a sudden emotional decision could cause us to burn a bridge rather than finding a graceful way to exit a job. 

There’s no way to stop feeling these emotions, but it’s possible to slow down rather than acting on them. Often, a highly sensitive person simply needs to step back and disconnect from the feelings of the moment before making a decision. You don’t have to deny what you’re feeling (nor should you), but I find it helpful to simply pause, breathe, and take time. Emotions tend to pass as mysteriously as they arrive, and the same decision may look very different when you’re in calmer waters.

And remember, even if we’re illogical at times, it’s also a gift we can enjoy. We can plunge into a pool fully clothed. We can blurt out a dirty joke. Heck, who needs logic? To HSPs, the world needs love and laughter more than straight-laced sobriety; the world needs to feel good, and we are more than ready to rock the boat to lighten a heart’s heavy load.  

Lifting the ‘Curse’

A highly sensitive person’s existence will always be a rollercoaster ride. Or, as Jane Eyre puts it:

“The vehemence of emotion, stirred by grief and love within me, was claiming mastery, and struggling for full sway; and asserting a right to predominate: to overcome, to live, rise, and reign at last; yes, — and to speak.” 

HSPs, we must learn to listen to our senses and gently guide them with the voice of reason. If we can manage that, the “curse” starts to disappear. The world becomes a magical place where heart and mind work together to make life the masterpiece it was meant to be.

You might like:

• What It’s Really Like Being a Highly Sensitive Person
• A Poem for Highly Sensitive People
• How to Stop Feeling Exhausted All the Time as an HSP

The post Why It’s Both a Blessing and a Curse to Feel Everything So Deeply appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.