Enduring something traumatic or stressful is not only noticeable in your brain in the form of thoughts, but research shows that it also translates to pain in your body. You can get a headache or earache, sore muscles, feel nauseated, tense shoulders, pain in your neck, a stomachache, diarrhea, eczema, and the list goes on. And trauma is even more magnified when you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), since everything affects us on a deeper level.

It is thought that if you don’t do anything, the trauma will be stored in your body for the rest of your life. 

A while ago, I watched/heard Therapy in a Nutshell,  a video about a polar bear that shook off the trauma from being chased. Apparently, animals do this to prevent the trauma from staying with them in their body. This self-healing exercise is known by animals, but humans seem to have forgotten this skill. 

I Don’t Have Any Trauma… Do I?

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), “trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event.” You might think: I have never experienced real trauma, so this doesn’t apply to me. But you might be wrong. You may think about experiencing an attack, a flood, or losing a loved one when you think about trauma. However, for our brains, other, less-drastic stressful situations can be perceived as trauma, too. 

So having an argument/being yelled at, almost having an accident, or losing an opportunity can cause the same effect. When not taken care of, it can result in trapped trauma in your body. And that is where the trouble lies — when we don’t deal with it. The tension is still trapped in our body. So we get pains, a rash, strange muscle spasms, you name it. 

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Being Told to ‘Just Deal With It’

In my upbringing (in the 1980s and ‘90s in Western Europe), there was no place for education about how to manage big emotions. My parents didn’t see my sensitive nature, so didn’t act accordingly. And I have these phrases so many times growing up: “Keep your chin up”; “stop crying”; “stop overreacting”; “you must toughen up”; “don’t be so sensitive”; “just suck it up”; “let it go”; “don’t worry about it”; and countless others… 

I believe that in many cultures and families, kids don’t learn how to deal with their emotions in a healthy way. So what happens? We are thought it is “weak” or “wrong” to show we are sad or angry, so we stuff the feeling away — which some call “emotional buffering” — and it festers in our bodies for years. These core wounds, like not feeling wanted or like enough — are really worth investigating and deserve a healing and loving approach. 

And, even as adults, we give each other the “don’t sweat it” and “toughen up” messages. Say you have a near-accident on your way to work. When you tell your coworker, they say, “Oh, well, good thing nothing happened,” and then move on with their day. But you are left with a feeling of unease; you were shocked by the near-accident. 

Another example may be you missing out on a promotion (or raise) at work that you’d had your heart set on. You’re actually a bit crushed, sad, and disappointed. You start to feel insecure and wonder if you should have done more or worked harder. You talk to a friend about it and their response is, “Oh, well, nowadays you should be happy to have a job at all; don’t worry about it.” But you do worry about it — that’s the thing — and you actually feel grief since you feel you lost something. 

Instead of embracing your HSP feelings and emotions, we tend to put them aside; after all, we don’t want to seem childish, selfish, insecure, or weak. We want people to view us as “strong” and “tough” people, and we have been taught that showing emotions is not a part of that. 

But I am here to say: Emotions are not a bad thing or things that need to be hidden away like a secret. Instead, we should just listen to them and learn from their message. 

And know that it is perfectly okay to feel this way; it is not a situation that needs “fixing.” Most people either downsize your emotional response or will repeatedly tell you, “It will be alright.” But sometimes the best thing we can tell each other is, “Oh, yes, I can understand — that just really sucks! You are right to be angry/sad/lost/anxious/worried/tired, etc.” (And maybe throw in a big hug, too.)

So What Do We Do Now?

Should we shake the feeling off like the polar bear? Well, yes, actually we should. The trick here is to go from your brain to your body. You have to reverse the interaction between your body and your brain. Your brain foresees a threat, and your body gets into the well-known flight-fight-freeze response. 

Because there is a physical reaction to what is going on in your brain, you can reverse it by calming your body down. A calm body sends a message to the brain that all is well and you don’t need to fight off a threat or run from an enemy. Here are some ways you can relax.

8 Ways to Calm Your Body Down

1. Give yourself a vagus nerve massage.

The fight-flight-freeze reaction sprouts from your so-called lizard brain. This is the part of your brain that is really old and does not respond to language, but listens to sensations in the body. Your vagus nerve is a parasympathetic nerve responsible for the resting, digesting, feeling-joy-and-connection-to-other-people part of your brain. So in this nerve lies the solution to relaxing muscles that are cramped up due to stress and/or trauma. Watch this video on how to do this. Basically, it involves applying pressure to parts of your head and neck. Even looking over your shoulder and stretching the opposite side of your neck can work wonders (at least for me).

2. Pat various parts of your body.

This can be as simple as touching your face or patting your arm or leg. Just the sensation your body feels will reconnect you to your body and help reduce any tension. 

3. Do intentional movement, like dancing, yoga, or push-ups.

Moving intentionally creates a sensation of feeling safe and can release trapped trauma. 

When I have emotions bottled up inside, or when I am overstimulated and do an intense exercise such as push-ups, I will start to cry. The intensity of the muscle work will release the plug. For me, crying is my pressure valve. I will feel tired and have a headache afterwards, but I feel like a weight has lifted and I can breathe properly again. 

So interact in big movements with your body to release the energy inside you. You can put on some music, close the curtains, and just dance, do yoga, or exercise. Whatever works best for you!

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

4. Sit in stillness.

We HSPs absolutely love and cherish stillness. This desire can be hard to fulfill in a world where there is always something going on or making noise. Humans really should appreciate the benefits of stillness and quiet more; it can do so much.   

Being still, like through mindfulness or meditation, taps into the brain’s default mode; in this setting, the brain briefly enters an idle state. You will start daydreaming or your mind will start to wander, signs of self-generated cognition. You can sit still and stare into the abyss, stare at the sunset, the ceiling… just let your mind wander. Close your eyes if you want to. Closing your eyes is also a great way of giving your brain a break from all the stimuli it receives. 

5. Do breathing exercises, like the Wim Hof Method.

Your breathing is a great tool to send your brain the “I am safe and okay” message. Try the 4-7-8 technique, the Wim Hof method, or the Buteyko technique. Or make up your own method — as long as it relaxes you!

6. Laugh… often!

Don’t you feel incredible after laughing out loud? My husband and I are renovating the kitchen and he asked me to blow through a tube in order to remove dust. It made such an unexpectedly hilarious sound that we fell into a laughing fit, tears streaming down our faces, and it felt so good! 

Look up funny videos or do crazy things with your kids or partner and just laugh your socks off. I can really recommend this video; it absolutely cracked me up.  

7. Cry

Opposite of #6, but also very effective. As I mentioned, crying can be a great emotion-releasing exercise. Watch a sad movie or listen to sad music. Some piano music loosens my tears almost every time. If I cry easily while watching a movie (and trust me, I cry in an instant: a lost cat or two lovers losing sight of each other and I am in need of tissues), I know I have a lot of emotions built up inside me. 

8. Do shadow work.

A way to release repressed emotions is also through so-called shadow work. This allows your body to let go of the trapped traumas and will improve your well-being, too. I myself use the Loner Wolf Shadow Work Journal, and love it. Shadow work helps you get in touch with your hidden/dark sides that you keep hidden and feel ashamed about. 

I hope I have given you some ideas about how you can deal with build-up emotions and unresolved trauma. Please keep in mind that it can take some time to feel relief, and know that emotions are not things that need “fixing.” Awareness, respect, and space are the tools to process emotions and give them a place in your heart and soul. It is not about erasing, but about embracing. 

Note: I’m dedicating this article to a dear friend of mine. We often talk about being highly sensitive, and a topic that comes up frequently is feeling an emotion as physical pain in your body — and what you can do about it. 

Meanwhile, I’d love to hear from you in the comments on what your experiences are with feeling trauma and emotions in your body — and how you deal with it. 

You might like:

• HSPs, Your Body Affects You More Than You Think. Here’s How to Make it Your Friend.
• 9 Life-Changing Skills HSPs Can Learn from Meditation
• Trauma Hits Differently When You’re a Highly Sensitive Person. Here’s Why (and What to Do About It)

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Having Unexplained Pains? It Might Be From Neglected Emotions appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

If you’re anything like me, the changing of the seasons gets you thinking about what changes you’d like to see in your life. Perhaps your goals. Perhaps your relationships. Or perhaps your career. Do you still like your job? Is it fulfilling? Are you living your purpose?

Recently, I had to ask myself these questions — and more — when I changed jobs. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I don’t just want a paycheck; I want a sense of meaning in my life, and I’d like my job to be part of that. If you’re an HSP, too, you might feel similarly: you might crave a sense of passion for your work, or the chance to contribute to a larger cause, or simply a work environment that doesn’t leave you feeling burned out.

(You’re likely also a deep thinker and don’t take any decision-making lightly — especially about something as major as your career.)

In case you, too, are facing a job or career change, I’d like to share the steps I took that led me to my decision — and a job I actually love. These steps are based on the things HSPs say they actually value in a job, and use the introspective approach that works for us. You can adapt them as you see fit, but if you’re an HSP, I believe they’ll help you find your dream job, too.

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7 Steps to Take to Find Your Dream Job as an HSP

1. Ask yourself: Who am I? 

Since HSPs are so in tune with their emotions and intuition, the first step is to be truly honest with yourself about what you want — and need — in a job. Finding your purpose as a highly sensitive person is important, as well as essential to your happiness and feeling fulfilled by the work you do. Really do some soul-searching at this stage. 

So ask yourself questions like this to get started: 

• Who are you? 
• What makes you you? 
• What kind of person are you? 
• Do you actually like working with people, or would you rather work with animals? Do you not mind commuting to work (via driving or public transportation), or would you rather be able to cycle or walk to work? 
• What do you need to function properly in a work environment? 
• What do you really desire in a job and what makes your skin crawl? 
• How will you connect with your colleagues without losing your own identity? 
• How has the HSP part of your personality helped you in your career, and on which front has it made your job challenging for you? 

Don’t reply with answers that you feel you need to, or should, give. That won’t do you any good, for it is important to really get to know your “go”s and “no-go”s. For instance, for me, I realized I’d need kind coworkers and a quiet workplace. (My HSP brain gets overstimulated enough, so quiet is key!)

Another example is that I have a degree in teaching elementary school, but dreaded it and quit after seven months. (You can just imagine how overwhelming such a job can be for sensitive types!) But a few years ago, I started teaching gymnastics and love it. Yes, the study was challenging — and I needed to find my inner button to be more strict with the little girls (boundaries can be tough to set as an HSP!) — but I enjoy it so much and still learn a lot. So I learned that a job which involves children is not a bad match — just not one that’s six hours a day in front of 30 of them. 

When getting to know your desires, wishes, and fears, I feel there is a difference between what your soul is telling you and what your ego is telling you. Your soul is pure, the real you. Whereas your ego is the part of you that is created by influences from parents, siblings, teachers, peers, and so on: “You need to achieve a high salary — you can’t be an artist for a living.” Or “You need to buy a big house — you need the status and can’t keep renting.” All these things are beliefs imposed by others. So investigate if you agree. Do you really believe that? And if so, why? 

2. What are your likes and dislikes?

So now that you’ve really laid your soul out on the table and know what your heart is dreaming of, it’s time to go to the next step: Explore your career history. What kind of jobs did you like, and why? And what element(s) made it enjoyable for you? And not?

After I quit my job as a teacher, I spent quite a few years working at a daycare center and with kids after school. What I really liked was the movement in the job. I had to pick up the kids from school, we would play, do craft activities, and spend time outside. Being active pleases me, so these were important aspects of the job that I enjoyed. 

And then move on to the bad experiences. What jobs still give you nightmares, and why? Was it the tasks you had to perform, was it the people you worked with, was it the environment? I have had my share of shady businesses and bosses that would look good in The Devil Wears Prada, so I have discovered situations (and people) I need to stay away from. Plus, we highly sensitive people generally don’t do well in environments where we’re often criticized. I know nobody would like that, but I feel such toxic behavior gets into an HSP’s core even more so, which makes the job at hand all the more difficult. 

3. Break down your job “demands” into several small elements.

In step three, it’s time to do even more analyzing, a deeper dive into the above. I find it’s best if you break down your demands into several small elements. After all, certain things may affect us HSPs more so than non-HSPs, so it’s important to take those into consideration — the less overwhelm, the better!

Here are some example questions to ask yourself.

• What is an acceptable travel distance to the job?
• How many hours do you want to work? Minimum? Maximum? And daytime only? Or do you accept (or prefer) evening tasks? 
• Big company? Small organization?
• What is the minimum salary that is acceptable to you? (Really do some calculations here!)
• Do you want to be part of a big team? Or do more solo work? 
• Would you like to make work decisions on your own? Or follow somebody else’s lead?
• Do you prefer doing small tasks? Or tackling big projects? 
• Do you need room to grow and the possibility of getting promoted? 
• How much responsibility do you want on your plate?
• What is it you want to do and what should your job responsibilities look like (ideally)?
• What makes you happy? Juggling multiple projects? Analyzing data? Helping others? Being creative? In essence, what makes your heart glow? 
• What kind of workplace do you envision while visualizing your dream job? 
• Do you want to sit behind a desk? Be on the move? Would you mind traveling for work? 
• Are you looking for extra perks, too, such as health insurance, bonuses, discounts, a free gym, and so on?

Of course, there are many more questions you can ask yourself, too, but the above should at least get you thinking about your dream job wants and needs.

4. Make a dream job “wish list.”

Now that you’ve thought about the above, write it all down (preferably, on index cards) and make your dream job “wish list.” 

Next, write down each job “element” on a different card. So “close to home” on one and “solo work” on the other, for example. 

With these cards, we will play a game. Choose two cards randomly and put them next to each other. Get in touch with your heart and soul and honestly answer the question: Which is more important? If you really had to choose between these two elements, which one would you choose? 

Then set aside the chosen card and take another card from your pile and repeat the process. What this will do is determine your utter most important wish. This will be #1 on your list of dream job priorities. 

Repeat the process with the remaining cards and discover what your #2 is, and so forth. 

You will end up with a wish list ranked from most important to least important. Although I wish it were so, you may not find a job that has all the perks you desire. But by playing this game, you will definitely figure out what’s most important to you, which will lead to a job that has most of what you need.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

5. Seek (your dream job) and you will find it.

In this step, you will compare your wish list with the job offers out there. Which one matches the most? Which one a little less? How does the job score on your wish list — does it include your Top 3? Personally, I think you shouldn’t consider a job that does not include your Top 3. At some point, you will be in the same position as now: Longing for something else and out there looking… again.

Another thing to do is talk to people with the sort of jobs you are exploring. Ask them about all the ins and outs, the good and the bad. Think about these responses alongside your soul-searching discoveries. Then ask yourself: Will this job fit your personality? (On paper, you may have thought so, but in talking to others, you may realize that there’s more to it.)

6. It’s not about you — it’s about them.

A big game-changer for me was the concept of viewing the company as a candidate. It is not about them liking me (okay a little… ha-ha!), but it soon became about me liking them! And, of course, in a challenging job market, you may need to be less strict with your desires if paying the mortgage is dependent on it. 

I’m sure you can relate to this, the feeling of sitting there in the interview room, being anxious and so conscious about what you do, what you say, and how you look. What if you turned the tables on them? 

Try to think: You are great the way you are and they would be lucky to have you on their team. So, see? It is about them. 

Somehow, companies think they can ask anything of their employees, that they should be thankful to even have a job. Are they forgetting that without people working for them, they would have absolutely nothing? No business, no customers, no profit, no status. 

Instead, try to look at a job as a fair transaction. You will spend your time, and use your amazing HSP gifts, to help the company prosper. In return, you’ll get paid. The deal is one of equality. So if you meet a potential manager and feel smaller, insignificant, or anxious, it is not the right match for you. Like with other relationships, you should get a good feeling about the person/company, not a bad one.

Also, pay attention to how you are treated during the whole process of applying for the job. What kind of response did you receive? I once got the reply, “If you don’t hear from us, you will not be invited for an interview.” I thought that if a company does not even take the time and respect to simply send me a rejection email, they are not worth my energy and time. So look for little red flags like this — which are indicative of larger ones!

And be aware of how the people you talk to act around you. Do they speak fondly of their coworkers? Does the manager express proudness when talking about the team? Are they interested in you as a person? 

A job interview is not only an opportunity for the company to ask you questions, but you should also ask questions. 

Ask things like: 

• What will be some challenges of this job? 
• How are conflicts between coworkers resolved? 
• What does the future of the team/company look like? 
• What management style is applied? 
• What do you like about working here? 
• How would you describe the work/office culture? 
• What would you like to change about the organization? 

The more questions you can think of, the better. And pay attention to how the hiring manager responds, nonverbally (like through their body language) as much as verbally.

In essence, try to have a balanced conversation (more so than an “interview”). This will result in you knowing what the manager will expect of you, as well as what you can expect from them. Plus, they will probably appreciate your thoroughness in asking so many questions!

7. Follow your heart, for it truly knows what you want.

All in all, listen to the old adage: “Follow your heart.” 

In the process of finding my current job, I followed the steps above. Although the job I took included working in an open office of about 12 desks, I took it anyway and told my bosses about my issues with noise. (HSPs are sensitive to noise, as you probably know!) And you know what? They gave me the most silent place in the office and gave me the option of working from home. So, fellow HSPs, speak up! 

This process taught me to stick to my beliefs, stay true to myself, follow my heart, and ask for what I need. And you should, too! You never know what you will receive unless you ask for it. And let me tell you: You wholeheartedly deserve it, every bit of it! Start believing this!

Do you have any tips for fellow HSP’son their path toward their dream job? Please share them with us in the comments below!

You might like:

• How Being an HSP Contributes to My Career as a Psychotherapist
• The 7 Best Careers for a Highly Sensitive Person
• How to (Actually) Find Your Purpose as a Highly Sensitive Person

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post How To Find Your Dream Job as a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

What do you do when you open YouTube? Do you purposefully go to the video you want to watch? Or are you like me and get so distracted that you randomly start watching different videos and suddenly realize: “Wait, what? I wanted to look up that video about that DIY project…” Or perhaps you grab your phone to check the weather and before you know it you are scrolling like crazy through Tiktok or your Instagram feed — whoops!

This happens to me often. When it does, I say to myself, “Rachel, focus!” And you know what? It helps. But the cycle repeats over and over.

I don’t think I’m alone in this. Our entire society has become more “concentration challenged” with the advent of social media. And highly sensitive people, it seems, focus in a whole different way — and may struggle even more.

The Science of Concentration

What happens in your brain when you are focused vs. when you are distracted?

Well, for starters, the brain is actually much better adapted to one of those two modes. That’s because our minds are actually designed to be distracted! That may sound strange, but the reason your brain is distractible is to keep track of what is happening around you — in particular, for threats and opportunities. For example, your mind will switch from focusing on reading to scanning your surroundings, without you noticing it. That’s why however loud noises, movement, flashes of light, or conversations might pull you out of your concentration. (Your brain might also switch from focusing to worrying or ruminating — and internal distraction that is also designed to resolve threats and opportunities.) 

There is a part of your brain that’s designed to help stop this reaction — almost like a set of brakes — consisting of a set of neurons in the visual cortex which fire at a specific brain wave frequency to subdue distraction. However, not all brains are equally equipped to pump these brakes when needed. So whereas your brain is programmed to switch from focus to other tasks, it can be yanked out of even its focus mode if the interruption is too massive, and some people — likely including highly sensitive people — are more susceptible to this. 

Unfortunately, whereas the average person does not understand how focus and distraction work, many big companies do, and they will do whatever it takes to pull your attention to their products, apps and websites. But there are ways to improve your focus. 

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

Do Highly Sensitive People Have a Harder Time Focusing?

I don’t want to throw the blame for every problem on my sensitivity, but when it comes to focus part I think I can play the HSP card. A highly sensitive person’s brain receives so much more information than a non-HSP brain. (Or rather, if you want to get technical, it receives the same amount of information as anyone else, but spends a lot more time and mental resources on that information — which is why we make connections and notice details that others miss.)  

Therefore we see, hear, sense, and experience the world at a higher “volume.” So whereas somebody else only sees what they want to see, we can’t help but see everything around it and also experience it. For example, I might see a YouTube video with the title “How I Lost 10 Pounds by Doing These Exercises” and off my brain goes. I start judging the video, thinking about body image problems, and my mind is off in a spiral instead of searching for my DIY video. Some of the thoughts that flood my mind might inclue:

• What? Is that real, or is it B.S.?
• Should I watch the video?
• She looks so pretty and slim!
• I wish my legs looked like that.
• You can’t lose weight by just doing exercises, I know that.
• But what if these ones really do an amazing trick? 
• Why do they all use these misleading titles and don’t just tell you the truth?
• Why is our society so focused on how you look? 
• Should I watch it anyway?
  

I get curious, angry, sad, annoyed, self conscious, and/or insecure — all at once. And that’s just with a few seconds on Youtube. Extrapolate that level of intense thinking to every experience, all day long, and you can understand why HSPs struggle to focus. You can also see why learning to focus can be so beneficial to HSPs and our brains: just as we are more prone to overstimulation, we are also prone to information overload.

But that’s not the only factor affecting your HSP focus. 

How “Fight, Flight, or Freeze” Shatters Your Concentration

Another thing that can make it difficult for an HSP to focus is an overactive amygdala in our brains. The amygdala is often referred to as the “fear center” of the brain, although it’s more complex than that — besides governing our fear response, it also governs our response to rewards. (Again, remember that the distracted brain is scanning for threats and opportunities, not just threats alone.) Research shows that with highly sensitive people the amygdala is more easily activated. 

Is more better? Sorry, not in this case. An activated amygdala causes you to be in an alert, defensive state — or, alternately, an eager, dopamine-chasing state. These responses can be overpowering, because the amygdala is the part of the brain sometimes referred to as the “lizard brain.” It’s a part from prehistoric times. This part of the brain doesn’t understand language but is driven by feeling and gut responses. Its task is to assess if you are in danger or not and it does so by analyzing your feelings. For example, if you are anxious about a difficult meeting your brain might think you are in danger. Then it turns on the “fight or flight” (or freeze) threat response and your body is shaking, with pulse racing, ready to move fast. That might be great for getting away from a jackal but it doesn’t help much with the meeting you’re worried about. 

You can imagine that if this part of the brain is super active you will be more frequently in a state of unease — and more focused on the threats and opportunities that distract people.

I experienced this in winter when my garden was slippery due to rain. I had to move a bush from the front of the house to the garden, dig a hole and replant the bush. Part of the garden is steep and I kept slipping on the wet and muddy grass while holding trimming shears or a shovel. Due to my vivid imagination, images popped in my head of me hurting myself badly with a shovel while falling. I managed to replant the bush, but afterward I got really angry when one of the cats tried to get outside, and in my anger I slammed the door shut and started swearing. At that moment I thought: “What is wrong with me, I could have hurt the cat while slamming the door shut, what is going on, why am I so angry?” And then it hit me: the slipping in the garden. I had felt in danger, my brain got the better of me, and my fight response kicked in so I was in an aggressive state. This moment of analyzing helped me reframe the situation, figure out where my feelings were coming from and help me return to a more relaxed state. (I also apologized to the cat.) 

Okay, that’s a whole lot of distractibility. So what can HSPs do to avoid distraction — especially emotional, fear-based distraction — and find calm focus instead?

How to Train Your Brain

It’s possible to train your brain to focus more, and doing so is a massive win for your mental health. That’s because focus is more than just a productivity tool. It can help you get your mind off all that is around you, be a calmer person, and minimize the defensive reaction of an overstimulated brain. 

Brain training can also make you happier, because you can choose to pay more attention to positive emotions than you do to negative emotions. If you train your brain to pay more attention to the good in your life, it will discard negative experiences more easily. Besides that, meditation is a helpful tool to calm your brain and make it less prone to lose its focus. 

The most common tactic people suggest to train your brain — especially for focus — is to mediate. I however don’t like meditation and I am not good at it. So I began to look for other activities that also help you enter a state of concentration in which there is no room for thinking about random stuff. So if you can find another activity that does the trick: go for it! For me that is drawing and painting. I will be so occupied with my drawing or with the paint, I have no time to think about family issues, situations at work or other affairs. 

Some activities that do the job well include: 

• Dancing
• Yoga
• Any art form, whether it be sculpting, painting, or designing tattoos
• Jogging, cycling, or walking 
• Cooking
• Playing a musical instrument 
• Doing laps in a swimming pool

What these activities have in common is that they are either solitary activities or activities done without talking to others around you, they are physical activities that help ground you in what you are doing, and all of them either give the mind room to wander and run out of thoughts or else demand the mind’s full attention, leaving no room for anything else. In this way, all of them can be meditative without ever needing to meditate. 

Our partner, HSP therapist Julie Bjelland, also offers a Brain Training Class for HSPs that not only improves focus and calm, but helps you put an end to high stress, feelings of overwhelm and even anxiety. You can learn more about Bjelland’s brain training class here. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

6 Simple Ways to Increase Focus

If you don’t want to add a whole extra activity to your life, you can pay attention (be mindful) to what you are doing as a way of focusing. You can apply this concept of focus in at least six different ways:

1. First finish a task before heading to the next. Clean up the mess, clear your desk and then move on. Leaving a task unfinished is similar to ending a TV show on a cliffhanger: your can’t get it out of your head and your brain can’t move on until you get closure. If a task is so big it must take multiple sessions to complete, then find “cognitive stopping points” like finishing a chapter of a book or completing a level on a video game.
2. Make sure you have a tidy and relaxed environment. No distractions, good lighting, nice smells, no mess in sight. Cleaning itself can be a meditative activity, but more importantly, reducing clutter in your environment also reduces distractions in your visual field and in your mind. 
3. Reduce the amount of people you interact with. Choose a few good friends, just a handful of friendly coworkers with whom you share your deepest thoughts with. Save the small talk for everybody else, although we HSP’s don’t like small talk. 
4. Keep things simple. Think: what will be the simplest thing I can do in this situation, what will be the simplest solution for this problem? Often, this means accepting that the perfect is the enemy of the good and that a B+ job is good enough for most tasks. 
5. Focus on your own emotions, detect when you take on the emotions of others and say to yourself: this emotion is not mine, I leave it with the other person. You have enough distractions of your own without letting everyone else’s distractions become yours, too. 
6. Move slowly. Moving quickly can give your brain a “we are in a hurry, we are in danger or stressed” signal. (Remember, your brain tends to take on whatever emotion corresponds to your physical movement.) If you move slowly, your heart rate and breathing slow down and your brain receives the “I am okay” signal. 

Focus Does Not Limit You

Focus doesn’t mean only doing certain things and letting all the other options pass you by. Diversity is key to living a fulfilling and happy life. Enjoying different flavors, smells, textures, people and surroundings invigorate your imagination and creativity. So please don’t see the advice of focus as a message of narrowing your experiences. It is more about creating a situation of calm and result orientation. We HSPs want to experience the world and all the wonders it has to offer. It is a good thing, but with all the choices and information we have nowadays, it can be challenging for our brain and focus can help us stay on track and achieve our goals. Developing your focus allows you to more fully appreciate the many amazing experiences you have, however varied they may be.

Your HSP Brain Is an Advantage

I can find it challenging to live with my HSP brain, but I realized it can also be a great advantage: I hardly need any time to understand a new concept or app, I detect a lie a mile away, I sense moods and emotions, and I can come up with all kinds of stories and ideas and craft projects. As a highly sensitive person, I can process a lot of information and am able to analyze and dissect it and come up with solutions. It can take me some time to voice my opinion in a meeting, but when I speak it is thought well through. I am learning to appreciate the benefits of my HSP brain and use focus to keep my brain happy. 

Do you have trouble focussing? What helps you? I would love to hear your tips in the comments. 

You Might Like:

• A Highly Sensitive Person’s Brain Really Does Make Decisions Differently. Here’s How.
• Are Highly Sensitive People Neurodivergent?
• These Are the Harmful Thoughts that Hold HSPs Back the Most (And How to Stop Them)

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The post Do Highly Sensitive People Struggle to Focus? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Highly sensitive people: do you ever feel it is your fault you can’t handle a situation? That it is your so-called weakness that means you can’t “handle” certain surroundings? 

Or, do you feel you struggle to keep up, do you feel you need to fit in, to just be like everyone else and move on and stop being so helpless? 

Well, I have — a lot of the time. It took me quite some time to realize I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP) and that I have a different threshold when it comes to how much overstimulation I can take. Since then, I’ve discovered that I’m “different” than non-HSPs, and that’s okay. I have different interests, I need to be on my own (and get alone time), need my space (like quiet surroundings), and need recovery time from social activities. (The “HSP hangover” is real!)

I’ve also discovered I’m not weak — and that being an HSP doesn’t have to make us weak at all. In fact, we can be some of the strongest people in many situations. 

It just takes a change in perspective. 

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How to Stop Feeling ‘Weak’ as a Highly Sensitive Person — And Became Confident

In order to stop feeling weak, I had to learn five difficult lessons. Some of them took longer than others, but together they allowed my HSP strengths lead the way instead. Perhaps you’ll be able to relate — and perhaps, they will help you find your own strength as an HSP, too.

1. Speak up for what you want — and need — at work.

When we’re at home, in our HSP cocoon, we can control our environment a lot more easily than we can when at work. The workplace provides a whole new challenge. 

I have had several different jobs (primary school teacher, after-school care worker, and various secretarial office jobs). At the latter, I discovered the horror of open-plan offices. In the Netherlands, where I live, they are romantically referred to as “office gardens,” as though it is like working in a peaceful garden with big plants and what not. But don’t be fooled!

Instead, they’re big floors with islands made from desks and you can hear everything! The clicking of a pen, coughing, someone nibbling an apple, conversations… you name it. 

I immediately discovered working in such an environment could really cause me to go crazy. 

And I felt weak — weak for not being able to do something that seems so simple and, from the looks of it, comes so easily to everyone else. How is it that they can just sit there, do their work, concentrate, and actually get something done? Meanwhile, I could not concentrate, got irritated, stressed, jumpy, very moody, and extremely tired. (HSPs already need more sleep than non-HSPs, so you can only imagine how much more tired I was from this work environment!)

Both jobs where this happened, I got the opportunity — luckily — to move to a quieter office. But first, I had to speak up and share my “weakness.” I felt like such a loser, a “weak” woman who couldn’t acclimate like everyone else. But you know what? Speaking up for our wants — and needs — is crucial. It’s not easy for us HSPs to create and set boundaries, but once you do so, you’ll see how much it benefits your life. Plus, I was much more productive, which benefited my boss’ life, too.

2. Be strong enough to know when it’s time to leave an unhealthy situation. 

Surroundings are one thing, but the people you work with are another. The personalities and the way the company is managed can be very harsh and brutal — there may be no empathy, no interest in your outside of your work task(s), and unhealthy competition among employees. 

I experienced these things, as well, and again felt weakness creeping into my soul: I can’t handle this situation. I am not strong enough. I want to speak up, but am afraid. And so on…

I felt really uncomfortable and had to put on a smile every day and pretend I wasn’t bothered. But, on the inside, it was eating at me. And I had to once again make a decision: Stay in such an unsupportive work environment? Or walk away?

In this case, I was frustrated and burned out. I decided to walk away and find a work setting that was better-suited for my HSP soul.

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3. Know that your energy and time are precious, so use them wisely.

When I found my current workplace, I was so grateful I did. And then suddenly it hit me: I am not “weak”; I am not a “failure”; I am not at fault in these situations. Just because I don’t fit in well with certain people or cannot work in an open-plan office does not mean I am doing something “wrong.” It simply means that the circumstances don’t fit me. 

For me, it felt like fleeing the situation when I started feeling out of place — like I was running away because I couldn’t “handle” it. But I realize now that this isn’t the case. Instead of looking at it as running away, I decided to look at it from a self-care point of view. I have to leave this place in order to keep my stress level low, keep my sanity in check, and take care of my heart, soul, and dignity. 

I made a choice — I chose me. That is not “weak,” that is bold. It is taking the lead and putting yourself first. I made the choice not to spend my precious time and energy on people — and a work environment — that was not good for me.

4. Focus on what makes you the happiest — and do that.

When I initially would leave bad work situations, I would beat myself up over it. Could I have tried harder? Stuck it out longer? Smiled on the outside even though I was frowning on the inside?

But what would any of those scenarios have brought me? Would that have made me feel less “weak” and made me feel strong? Or made me feel dumb in the end? Dumb for doing something soul-crushing for too long? 

Of course, life throws challenges on your path, and they make you stronger and you grow from going through difficult experiences. But at some point, enough is enough. I started to really reflect a lot on what made me happiest, work-wise. It’s painting in my room, tea and music close by, and just creating something, anything. I’d like to sell my art and make a living as an artist. (And, yes, I see a lot of YouTube content about how to do this, but at this point, this is not my path.) 

Even though I realized certain jobs were not for me, they brought me closer to ones that were — and that’s what matters.

5. Always put yourself first… always!

In our society, highly sensitive people are often misunderstood, which contributes to our feeling weak. It’s as though we have some unspoken pressure to acclimate and fit in — and not show our emotions or sensitivities at any costs.

But now I think: I am just fine the way I am — I don’t have to change. Rather, I just have to find certain elements to surround myself with (like asking for a private office). 

So my advice to you is: Put yourself first. Always.

What do you need? What makes you happy? What kind of people do you want to interact with?

Look for those elements and add them to your life, so you live a content and fulfilling life without feeling you are “weak” and without feeling you need to change who you are. You are just what the world needs. Trust me. 

You might like:

• Do You Cry Easily? You Might Be a Highly Sensitive Person
• 18 Things That Fill Highly Sensitive People With Joy
• How to Avoid Toxic Friendships as an HSP — And Make New Friends Instead

The post How I Stopped Feeling ‘Weak’ as a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.