Okusaga Omoleye, Author at Sensitive Refuge

10 Secrets About Dating an HSP

Okusaga Omoleye — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 08:00:00 +0000

Relationships come with a different set of rules when you’re dating a highly sensitive person.

Are you dating a highly sensitive person (HSP)? Or do you identify as an HSP? Dating can be awkward, uncomfortable and downright worrisome, no matter who you are. If you’re a highly sensitive person, it’s tricky enough to navigate an overstimulating world, but adding another person to the mix is a whole new level.

If this feels overwhelming, you’re not alone. It’s complicated, but it can be easily done and also be extremely rewarding. There’s a lot you can try in order to make dating as comfortable and fun as possible. The more prepared you are, the better. Here are some things to keep in mind when dating a highly sensitive person.

10 Things to Keep in Mind When Dating an HSP

1. They will notice if you’re not being genuine.

HSPs have great intuition and can get a read on your vibe through tiny details, such as your body language and facial expressions. They just know. Something between the two of you will probably feel off if you try to get away with a lie or hide something from them. So being authentic, and honest, is always the best policy.

2. Communication is key — they value deep connections and conversations.

Does your HSP partner have any specific triggers you’re aware of? Do you have some, too? Letting each other know about them helps increase understanding. The more you know and communicate, the more you can be there for one another in any situation.

This can also help you avoid unnecessary stress. For example, a moderately crowded café is probably relaxing for a lot of people, but some HSPs may be overstimulated by all the voices and noise in the room. After all, they’re sensitive to their environments, so plan accordingly.

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3. Know that external stimuli greatly affects them.

HSPs will hone in on even the slightest sounds, smells, movements, and tastes that others don’t notice. This can be really overwhelming at times, especially when trying to focus on another person. But if things get overstimulating, a little support — and a lot of patience — can work wonders. If you’re not sure about a certain place and how it will impact the HSP you’re dating, just ask!

4. Remember that they feel emotions intensely, their own as well as yours.

One major highlight of being an HSP is the feature of being highly perceptive of emotion. An HSP might be moved to tears by a sad song, a TV commercial, or something sweet you say to them. So keep this in mind when picking your next date — or date night movie.

However, this doesn’t mean you have to avoid any potentially emotional situations. Just as with any sensitivity, it can be just as beautiful as it is frustrating. Handling these feelings in productive ways can help bring the two of you closer together.

5. It’s usually best to plan dates ahead.

If you took your date ice skating as a surprise, you’d probably let them know to bring a jacket, right? You can think about sensitivities the same way. A little communication and preparation will help the date run a lot smoother.

For example, if you’re going someplace loud, bring headphones along. If there will be a long car ride involved, maybe a fidget spinner or object can help, as well as listening to their favorite podcast. Resources such as social media and good old Google can help you think of the evening of your dreams, too. And, then, plan accordingly!

6. Give them time to adjust to the location or event.

For highly sensitive people, nearly any (and every) change can feel disruptive and scary. Even the change of seasons affect some HSPs more so than non-HSPs. So you can imagine how jarring sudden changes can be. If your partner doesn’t seem relaxed in a new place, or even in a new relationship, they are likely still feeling things out. Just give them time…

7. You will probably learn a lot of new things (if you listen closely).

Does your HSP partner tend to notice new and interesting things throughout the day? Do they remember things that others don’t because they are so detail-oriented?

Highly sensitive people take in a lot of information on a nearly-constant basis. It can definitely be overwhelming (to them), but it can also be pretty useful. Talking to an HSP will likely keep you engaged. Plus, they value deep talk much more than small talk, so you can finally have those meaningful conversations you’ve been craving.

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8. Don’t ignore their discomfort; instead, imagine yourself in their shoes.

If your HSP seems uncomfortable, or says they do, pay attention. Think about how you would want someone you’re with to react if you told them something was bothering you? It can be hard to know what to say or do when something comes up, especially when it’s sudden, but it’s more about how you say it than the actual words you utter.

Ignoring their feelings certainly won’t help the situation, even if you’re just trying to distract them with a joke. Odds are, not many people will be able to take their attention away from their surroundings. So a simple suggestion like, “Should we step outside for a minute?” or a straightforward question like, “What would you like to do?” should help a lot.

9. Choose surprises carefully.

On a scale from one to 10, how difficult is it to plan a surprise date night for an HSP? Chances are, you won’t be able to keep it a surprise for long since highly sensitive people are so perceptive. They will probably intuitively feel that you are hiding something, which might prompt them to ask.

On the other hand, surprising an HSP with a hug from behind can be so startling that it takes more than a few seconds for them to recover from it. Even the dreaded, “I have to tell you something” sets an HSP’s heart pounding. So it helps if the suspense element is kept to a minimum when dating an HSP.

10. Stop using phrases like “too sensitive” and “too much.”

You want to date someone who makes you feel good, right? For an HSP, this might translate into looking for someone who accepts their sensitivities — without judgment. It’s already emotionally draining to deal with constant overstimulation, so it can be truly disheartening to feel like someone is simply tolerating you rather than choosing to be with you. (Plus, HSPs tend to have relationship anxiety as it is, and you don’t want to add to it!)

Simple sentences like “You’re being too sensitive” or “It’s too much” carry more weight than you may think. So it’s important to choose your words carefully and listen to your HSP partner — through their verbal and non-verbal cues — with an open, loving mind. After all, you want to make them happy, right?

Are you dating an HSP or are you an HSP yourself? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

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9 Signs You’re Suffering from HSP Burnout

Okusaga Omoleye — Mon, 08 Apr 2024 11:00:00 +0000

HSP burnout can feel like your emotions are bubbling up inside, like a volcano, about to erupt — or like everything’s gone numb. Here’s how to recognize it, and stop it.

Sometimes, a highly sensitive person’s (HSP’s) life is filled with stressful events that wear them down and leave them feeling depleted. This is because their heightened sensitivity makes them feel drained even by relatively mild stimuli. So when things get to be too much, they really get to be too much. This is why HSPs burn out so quickly.

The World Health Organization (WHO) states that burnout “is a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.” It can be characterized by the person feeling depleted (energy-wise) or exhausted; having more mental distance from their job, or feelings of negativity or cynicism; and having less professional efficacy than they had before.

Before I get into signs that you may be experiencing HSP burnout, let’s talk about what it means to be a highly sensitive person in the first place.

What Does It Mean to Be ‘Sensitive’?

Being highly sensitive is a healthy personality trait, and scientists define it as taking in more information from your environment, processing it more deeply, and doing more with that information, according to Andre Sólo, coauthor of Sensitive and one of the founders of Sensitive Refuge. Because the sensitive brain is actually wired to process all information more deeply, Sólo says — effectively spending more time and mental resources on doing so — this means that sensitive people tend to notice subtleties others miss.

Sensitive people also tend to have certain traits in common. They are often creative deep thinkers, have high levels of empathy, and are highly in tune with their physical environment. These are all advantages, of course, yet it’s also why the sensitive brain can easily get overstimulated.

While everyone is sensitive to some extent, Sólo says that researchers now see sensitivity as a continuum. Most people are in the middle, while a few are at the low end and about 30 percent score high for sensitivity. And, yes, these highly sensitive people, or HSPs, are what we mean when we say “sensitive people.”

Now, let’s look at how sensitivity and burnout are linked.

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The Correlation Between Sensitivity and Burnout

Because HSPs are naturally more sensitive, external factors can affect them more so than others, such as chaotic environments, time anxiety, and people’s insensitive words and actions.

For instance, HSPs react strongly to criticism, and the more this happens, the more likely a feeling of burnout will occur, for they may feel they can never do anything right.

Of course, you may also be an HSP who may be experiencing burnout — and not even realize it. You may be having trouble sleeping, for instance, but you brush it off as insomnia, no big deal, you think. You don’t even realize that your job stress is causing your sleepless and anxiety-ridden nights. (And highly sensitive people need more sleep than less-sensitive people, so not getting enough sleep is a real issue.)

So let’s look at some signs you may be experiencing HSP burnout.

9 Signs You’re Experiencing HSP Burnout

1. When you wake up, you don’t feel refreshed.

If your energy is worn down, even sleep won’t help you heal — you’ll feel exhausted no matter how much sleep you’ve had. Conversely, many sensitive people have trouble getting (and staying) asleep, because they are mentally and spiritually drained. They have restless nights of tossing and turning, and don’t get much sleep at all. The worst part is, their sleep is disrupted because they can’t stop thinking about their failures or other negative past experiences, making them irritable and sleepy all day.

2. Your gut tells you something is off, but you have no idea what it is.

Intuition is one of a highly sensitive person’s biggest superpowers, so you have to trust your gut.

As an HSP, you spend a lot of time helping, and empathizing with, those in need. You can sense what they’re feeling… but what about what you’re feeling?

For instance, maybe you used to get a lot of joy from helping others or engaging in certain hobbies. But lately, you don’t. And when people ask you what’s wrong, you’re at a loss for words since you don’t know the true root of the problem.

3. You tend to zone out a lot.

HSPS are excellent listeners — they’re attentive and truly listen. But when you’re burnt out, you just can’t focus: not on work, others, or even yourself.

Suddenly, you feel like time is moving too slowly or too quickly. You can’t get your mind off of your predicament — being burned out and not realizing it — so you frequently become sidetracked. And if you lose concentration while working, your output may suffer.

So one way to assess if you’re burnt out is to see if your work still excites you. Or do you dread it? Tune in and really listen to what your mind is telling you.

4. People around you are either draining or irritating you.

One way to motivate ourselves to improve is by being in the company of upbeat, encouraging people. However, we can’t pick and choose our work colleagues or bosses. As a result, some of them may irritate you with their poor demeanor and attitude. For instance, instead of praising all you do right, they only focus on what you do wrong.

Furthermore, due to that HSP intuition I talked about above, you can always tell if your coworkers or bosses are being authentic or not, since you can so easily pick up on others’ feelings. And if you have to meet with them about something, you dread it — you’re already emotionally spent, so it’s a recipe for (more) burnout. The reason is, dealing with such people requires emotional effort from you. Plus, the last thing you want to deal with is their unappreciative attitude or criticism.

5. Your thoughts are full of negativity, no matter how hard you try to see the positive side of things.

The part of you that usually cares about other people — and makes you feel good when you’re around them — has now gone missing. For some reason, no matter how hard you try, you just cannot be happy — and you also have trouble being happy for others who are happy.

You don’t recognize this negative version of yourself and don’t realize it’s due to your being stressed and burned out.

6. Every feeling is heightened.

However intense your emotions are ordinarily, they will increase tenfold when your soul is exhausted — your emotions become overwhelming.

You are also easily moved to tears, and you shed them regularly — more than usual for your HSP self! For example, you may sneak off to the bathroom, or for a walk outside, often, so you can get some alone time to decompress.

So the more you try to focus on work tasks, the more it adds to your anxiety. You just cannot feel in control since everything feels so out of control.

7. You feel terribly isolated and misunderstood.

The fact that you are surrounded by people who know you — but do not truly understand what you are going through — only adds to your sadness, anxiety, and isolation. You begin to shut them out, and even resent them.

Perhaps some of them may mean well, but they can’t help you since they have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes of your emotional state.

8. You are physically worn out.

It’s tough to muster the energy to carry on when you feel so “blah” about everything. You spend the day in bed instead of going to work. Your body may be healthy, but you feel awful. And even on the days you do get out of bed, it’s as though your energy has already been completely used up. So why not just lie back down…

9. You feel like your emotions are bubbling up inside a volcano, about to erupt.

You’re continuously at your lowest point, you’ve run out of options, and you don’t believe that you can ever quit and leave your job. Feelings of wanting to cry or scream at the top of your lungs are recurrent.

By this point, you have such heightened sensitivity — and your HSP soul is in overdrive — that even the smallest things might reduce you to tears or anger. And then one day, when you reach your breaking point, you feel your emotions will suddenly erupt like a volcano (without warning — even though the warning signs have been there all along).

This is the last straw: You’re officially burned out and must take action. This could mean getting rid of the thing that’s not serving you and your mental health — like leaving your toxic job or boss — and seeking out help from a therapist. This way, you can aim to be happy again and reevaluate what can get you there. (It’s possible, I swear!)

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How Sensitive Is Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type?

Okusaga Omoleye — Fri, 22 Dec 2023 12:00:00 +0000

You might be surprised which of the 16 types test as highly sensitive people — and which don’t.

Today, we are going to rank MBTI personalities based on how sensitive each type is. “Sensitivity” includes emotional and physical sensitivity, which often go together — and some types are usually far more sensitive than others.

What does it mean to be ‘sensitive’?

As a personality trait, scientists define high sensitivity as taking in more information from your environment, processing it more deeply, and doing more with it, according to Andre Sólo, coauthor of Sensitive and one of the founders of Sensitive Refuge. Sólo says that the sensitive brain is actually wired to process all information more deeply — effectively spending more time and mental resources on doing so — which means sensitive people tend to notice details others miss and make connections that others don’t see.

Because of this deep processing, sensitive people tend to have certain traits. Many are creative deep thinkers who pick up on subtle details and nuance. Most have high levels of empathy, because they process emotional cues more deeply, too. And many are highly attuned to their physical environment, noticing even the tiniest changes around them. These are all advantages, but the sensitive brain can get overstimulated in loud, chaotic or emotionally intense environments. They do best in calm, quiet settings with plenty of time to think.

Of course, everyone is sensitive to some extent. Sólo says that researchers now see sensitivity as a continuum, with most people in the middle, a few at the low end, and about 30% scoring high for sensitivity. These highly sensitive people, or HSPs, are what we mean when we say “sensitive people.”

How Sensitive Is Each Myers-Briggers Personality Type?

Just because nearly 1 in 3 people are highly sensitive, however, does not mean that every personality type is represented equally. In fact, although any of the 16 Myers-Briggers personality types can be sensitive, there are certain types where it is much more likely — and some that are often barely sensitive at all.

Here is my take on which types are which, based on the tendencies they exhibit. Each individual has their own sensitivity level, of course, but here are the sixteen MBTI personalities ranked from least sensitive to most sensitive.

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The 16 Personality Types, Ranked from Least Sensitive to Most Sensitive

16. Least Sensitive Type: ISTJ

ISTJs prefer to concentrate on material necessities rather than emotions. However, they put a lot of effort into making sure their loved ones are taken care of. Because they lack emotional sensitivity, ISTJs frequently choose to suppress their feelings in order to accomplish their goals. They frequently dismiss things and are not readily upset by others.

15. ESTJ

People who are ESTJs prefer to ignore their own feelings and have strong convictions. They respect effectiveness and want to complete tasks. Because they are unsure of how to respond to excessive emotion in others, ESTJs frequently find it uncomfortable. When someone they care about says or does anything to harm them, they may become sensitive, yet they habitually respond to this with fury. When someone triggers their emotions, ESTJs despise not having control over them and are quite angry.

14. ENTJ

ENTJs are brilliant people but they have two traits that are at odds with sensitivity: First, they often drive things forward as quickly as possible, the opposite of the slow, thoughtful approach of HSPs. Second, although they can be very warm and friendly, their empathy is often transactional — doing a favor for someone else know that person will do a favor back to them in the future. In fact, ENTJs don’t really perceive themselves to be sensitive, and they frequently find emotional displays to be upsetting. They may even suppress their own emotions in an effort to concentrate on what matters most to them. Strong and driven, ENTJs constantly strive to improve their productivity and level of effort. They are really angered when others allow their emotions to rule them since they regard people who can do tasks to the best of their abilities. The remarks of others rarely move ENTJ because they are not overly sensitive people.

13. INTP

The fact that INTPs value reason over feeling does not imply that they are not also sensitive. They frequently lack self-awareness which might occasionally lead them to suppress their emotions. INTPs favor seeking logical explanations for events, particularly when it comes to feelings. This tendency to hold things inside might sometimes wear an INTP out emotionally over time. Overall, INTPs do exhibit sensitivity in terms of being deep thinkers and may also be very creative, but may struggle with empathy or understanding their own emotions, and are not likely to test as highly sensitive people.

12. ESTP

ESTPs tend to move constantly and appreciate being in the present. They also make quick decisions rather than spending time contemplating and reflecting, making them the opposite of sensitive people in that regard. While ESTPs don’t place a lot of importance on feelings, they do react when their loved ones do something. Although ESTPs are compassionate individuals, if they see that others are not appreciating them, they react strongly.

11. ISTP

Because they tend to be very inwardly focused, ISTPs frequently lack situational sensitivity. They are indifferent to other people’s sentiments and tend to favor reason over emotion. Additionally, ISTPs hardly ever feel hurt or offended by others and generally prefer to remain by themselves. However, they can be very contemplative, and their broad interests and tendency to go deep into them makes them a step more sensitive than the ESTP. ISTPs seek to gain a deeper understanding of the world around them rather than reacting.

10. ENTP

ENTPs are extroverted, intellectually curious individuals who are always looking to learn new things. They want to keep their brains engaged in exploration and detest sitting stationary for too long. They are aware that individuals are fallible and believe that others will constantly disappoint them with their actions. But, unless it is someone very close to them, ENTPs typically do not let this disturb them. Even if they do not express it outwardly, someone they care about profoundly can frequently have an impact on an ENTP. However, to the rest, ENTPs are not typically thought of as sensitive individuals, and they rarely take offense at the words and deeds of others.

9. INTJ

Contrary to popular belief, INTJs are not insensitive people; many actually test as HSPs, even though you’d never guess it Simply said, INTJs have powerful emotions but tend to overlook those emotions in favor of logical solutions to issues. Nonetheless, in the long run, they can projecting in ways that may appear very sensitive — they like to solve problems for people, and can often act very compassionately even if their demeanor is not warm and fuzzy. INTJs are also highly intelligent individuals, and can be extremely perceptive to details and the words of others (at least those they hold in high regard). They are among the most sensitive of the “Thinker” types — in the sense that they process information deeply, not necessarily that they come across as warm, sensitive people. (In fact, they are generally very guarded about who they let close to them since they care a great deal about the individuals they accept into their lives.)

8. ESFP

The exceedingly endearing ESFP personality type enjoys cheering up their loved ones. They want to focus on the here and now, which can make them perceptive, but also means they may not be as contemplative as the more sensitive types. They are usually attentive to the words and deeds of others but maybe easily offended by what others say — ESFPs want to be liked and will typically take it personally if someone doesn’t seem to like them. This combination means that ESFPs are moderately sensitive; some may be highly sensitive people whole others may not.

7. ESFJ

ESFJs have big hearts but they are often very concerned with maintaining the appearance of harmony, which is sometimes at odds with hearing and responding to peoples’ actual needs.

Despite not being as likely to test as HSPs as other “Feeler” types, ESFJs can easily have their feelings hurt by the people close to them. They are susceptible to this because they have a keen awareness of other people’s emotions and they know when someone is upset with them or has a low opinion of them. They can also use this ability to read people for good, however, and sometimes an ESFJ’s concern for others can make them much more sensitive. They put a lot of effort into taking care of their family members and just want to be accepted and appreciated by them.

6. ISFJ

ISFJs are deeply compassionate individuals which frequently makes them more sensitive than other people. They find it upsetting to see their loved ones in pain and get angry over it. ISFJs put a lot of effort to protect the people they care about and do everything in their power to aid them. At the same time, ISFJs may not always value the big-picture thinking and connecting different concepts that comes hand-in-hand with high sensitivity. They are more likely to take things at face value and trust their five senses than they are to extrapolate or draw connections to other ideas. This means not all will score as highly sensitive people despite their high sense of empathy.

5. ENFP

Because of their enthusiasm and empathetic nature, they happen to be another tribe of relatively sensitive people. While they are resilient individuals, they do harbor a wide range of emotions. The people they love will constantly hurt them easily, and their remarks might irritate them readily. However, ENFPs are also skilled at letting go of this hurt and tend to forget things pretty fast. They are more sensitive than certain other types due to their passion, but this is also what makes them stand out.

4. ENFJ

ENFJs are also very compassionate individuals and broad-minded thinkers, and unsurprisingly, they happen to be very sensitive. ENFJs are regularly affected by the words of those closest to them and can be hurt by harsh treatment. LIkewise, much of what they do in life is motivated by helping others — including strangers, whom ENFJs will fearlessly talk to and befriend. ENFJs tend to develop large friend groups and know people everywhere they go, and they remember little details about each and every person they meet, going out of their way to do kind things for them. ENFJS are also typically incredibly strong individuals, proving that sensitive people are strong and resilient.

3. ISFP

ISFPs are often drawn to the arts and can be the embodiment of the “sensitive artist” archetype. They are emotionally sensitive people by nature of their high reactivity to their environment. They have a tremendous imagination and strong sense of inner morality, showing a great deal of compassion for others. Likewise, they are deeply affected by the actions of others — in particular, when someone they love does anything to hurt them, ISFPs become easily affected as well. ISFPs are likely among the most sensitive of all the types.

2. INFP

Simply because they have such large hearts, INFPs tend to be sensitive individuals. They possess a depth of emotion that is quite strong and occasionally overpowering. They work hard to accomplish as much good as they can because they want to change the world. They are also dreamers and visionaries, the model of the deep thinking sensitive person. Likewise, with this personality type strive very hard to show others that they care. In many ways, the INFP’s sensitivities are what makes them very strong and unique, not faults. A strong case could be made that they are actually the #1 most sensitive personality type.

#1 Most Sensitive Type: INFJ

INFJs usually exhibit high levels of sensitivity and have a deep affinity for other people’s feelings. INFJs have strong emotional connections to both their own feelings and the feelings of others. They are incredibly sensitive to suffering and are unable to just turn away from someone who is in pain. They tend to experience sadness about the cruelty they witness in the world which can lead them to have isolated periods. It’s this intense empathy that pushes INFJs to the top of the sensitivity list — they are often deep thinkers like INFPs, and are also incredibly attuned to the needs of the people around them. INFJs are highly sensitive to the words and deeds of those close to them. INFJ is regarded as the most sensitive personality type. Some estimates suggest that 80 to 90% of people who test as INFJs also test as highly sensitive people, because the traits of the two overlap so much.

What do you think — do you agree with this ranking, or would you rank them differently? Which type do you feel is the most sensitive, and which type is the least? Leave a comment and let us know!

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7 Little Things That Make Highly Sensitive People Happy

Okusaga Omoleye — Mon, 04 Dec 2023 14:00:00 +0000

These “little” things make highly sensitive people happy — because they add up to “big” things.

A highly sensitive person (HSP) is someone who displays increased emotional sensitivity. They have stronger reactivity to internal and external stimuli and a rich inner life. For example, they may be more sensitive to lights, scents, and noise.

At the same time, however, they can also be more sensitive to music — they hear every melodic note, the beauty of which can bring them to tears — and the arts.

Walking through life this way is beautiful, yet can also be overwhelming and challenging. There is a lot of stimulation in this world for non-HSPs, so just imagine how magnified it is for sensitive folks.

Of course, while every HSP is different, there are some commonalities as far as little things that make them happy — which many HSPs can probably appreciate. Here are some of them.

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7 Little Things That Make Highly Sensitive People Happy

1. A space of your own to regroup and recharge.

What brings you comfort? For highly sensitive people, having a safe space that’s all their own can be a lifesaver. It feels comforting to have control over a certain space, like a bedroom, office, or house — or even a carved out space in these spaces. It’s easy to create your own HSP sanctuary to create this quiet, relaxing oasis away from the hustle-and-bustle of the world.

This place can be your refuge when everything feels chaotic and overwhelming (which happens often for HSPs). Fill your space with things that bring you comfort or relief, such as cozy blankets, candles, or plants. If you’re sensitive to light, having a light switch dimmer can also be helpful, and having soothing music on standby can help, too.

The important thing is to create a safe space that makes you feel good, so that you will always know you have a place to retreat to as needed.

2. Having healthy boundaries — and following through on them.

Having healthy personal boundaries can bring benefits to your life as a highly sensitive person. However, creating them (and actually following them) can be a challenge, since HSPs are often people-pleasers and put others’ needs before their own.

Speaking of which, in interpersonal relationships, it might be difficult for you to separate your emotions from the emotions of others. This is exactly why you often have a hard time saying “No” to people.

But if you have boundaries set in place, it gives you the chance to focus on your needs and lets you properly rest and recharge before the next stimulating event. So the more you practice doing this, the better. And, speaking of rest…

3. Getting a good night’s sleep (since your brain is tired from all the overstimulation you’ve experienced).

Any healthcare professional would be quick to tell you how important it is to get a good night’s rest. In fact, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends a minimum of seven hours per night for adults 18 and up.

But sleep can be an obstacle for highly sensitive people since their brains are often on overdrive. Yet, because of this, they need more sleep than non-HSPs. So it’s a Catch-22.

As a result, the cycle can be hard to break, which is why it’s important to practice good sleep hygiene, like going to bed (and getting up) at the same time every day, making sure your bedroom is not too warm, and using a white noise machine or eye mask. Many highly sensitive people benefit from ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response), too.

4. Freely expressing your feelings and emotions.

As a sensitive soul, you probably find great value in relationships where you don’t feel like you have to hide your feelings. You feel close to these people — the ones in your inner circle — because you’re able to open up and have deep, stimulating conversations (which HSPs prefer to small talk).

The way you communicate will vary from person to person, of course, and it will also depend on if they “get” your sensitivity. And I encourage you to explain it to them, as knowledge is power — and perhaps they’re HSPs themselves and didn’t even realize it until you shed some light on the topic.

5. Having a go-to “HSP mental health toolbox” for when the going gets tough.

There is no one-size-fits-all solution for when HSPs get overstimulated. However, it’s smart to have a go-to “HSP mental health toolbox” ready for when the going gets tough.

I personally find that breathing exercises, or coloring, help calm me down and get me to stay present. However, you may prefer to put on noise-cancelling headphones and retreat into a book, meditate, or get out in nature. And, other times, you might need to do some other grounding exercises instead. To each their own.

In any case, having a variety of skills at the ready can make you feel more confident that you can handle any situation, even if you do get overwhelmed. In this week, you can “protect your happy,” too.

6. Cutting yourself some slack when having to make a decision.

HSPs can have a hard time making decisions, even when it comes to seemingly small choices, like what to have for dinner. This is likely due to their depth of processing — and tendency to overthink.

However, sensitive people are also known for their incredible intuition, which can help guide them in the decision-making process. So if you sit with your thoughts for a while – through meditation or some other practice — you may hear the answer you’re seeking come to you.

But, since being an HSP can be exhausting (so much overstimulation!), be sure to exercise patience and cut yourself some slack.

7. Having a healthy outlet to turn to, like dancing or journaling.

Because sensitive people take in a lot each day, having a healthy outlet to turn to is a good way to cope with all of their emotions. Physical activities, like dancing or hiking, can reduce physical tension while also helping you express your feelings through movement. It’s also good for the outlet to become a daily ritual so you can try to prevent overstimulation before it gets the better of you.

Journaling is another way to work through your emotions and feelings. Some people say even doing so a few minutes a day is helpful. Or you can make a gratitude list each day — when you wake up or when you go to bed. So even if you felt overstimulated at the grocery store, you wwe grateful for the incredible sunset you saw on your walk home.

All in all, be you, HSP, and continue to do the little things that make you happy and bring you joy — for, collectively, they amount to big things.

My fellow HSPs, do you have any tips to share on living a happier life as an HSP? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

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9 Struggles Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand

Okusaga Omoleye — Fri, 11 Nov 2022 12:00:00 +0000

It’s as though all highly sensitive people speak a common language — and share many of the exact same struggles.

Are you someone who gets emotional easily? If so, it can be overwhelming, not to mention tiring. It can leave you wondering why you are more sensitive than they are — you’re so deeply affected by things when others seem to just shake them off.

People often point out sensitivity in others as though it’s a weakness and there is something “wrong” with them. (It doesn’t help that society misunderstands sensitive people, too.) But, the truth is, nothing is “wrong” with highly sensitive people (HSPs).

I mean, everyone is sensitive to an extent — some people are just more so than others. Nearly 30 percent of people are born more sensitive than average, both physically and emotionally. (While about 40 percent of people are average in sensitivity, 20 percent are low in sensitivity.) Researchers refer to this trait as environmental sensitivity — also known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity. And don’t worry: All three levels of environmental sensitivity are considered normal and healthy.

Those who fall near the high end of the sensitivity continuum are called highly sensitive people. As a result, they share many characteristics in common, including: they are often deeply in tune with their physical environment; they easily pick up on (and absorb) others’ emotions; they often notice the “little things in life,” subtle details others may overlook; and they may be affected by textures, noises, and other environmental factors that non-HSPs may not even notice. Furthermore, they tend to be creative, empathetic, and deep thinkers. Some researchers also believe high sensitivity is linked to giftedness.

If you’re wondering how you “became” highly sensitive, you were likely born this way — and it continued to develop as you got older. You will remain sensitive for life — although you can always learn how to better manage overstimulation, regulate your many (powerful) emotions, and use your smart, sensitive mind to your advantage.

Of course, if you’re a highly sensitive person, you know there are both highs and lows that come with the trait. Here are nine struggles you may relate to as a highly sensitive person.

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9 Struggles Only Highly Sensitive People Understand

1. You’re very self-critical — you have high expectations and are hard on yourself.

As a sensitive soul, you tend to be very hard on yourself, setting high expectations and sometimes seemingly unattainable goals and standards. And, when you’re unable to meet those goals, you criticize yourself.

In a way, you set yourself up for some real challenges while putting little emphasis on any success you have along the way. And, ultimately, your view of accomplishment — and way of doing things — leaves you feeling like a failure because you feel like you just aren’t good enough to accomplish anything. It’s a vicious cycle.

Of course, the solution is letting go of perfectionism, but this is not easy for HSPs.

2. You fear rejection — you like opening up to others, but the vulnerability can scare you.

You have a tough time dealing with rejection, and your overstimulated (and perhaps anxious) nature only makes it harder. It pushes your feelings to another level. Of course, this comes into play regarding romantic relationships, too.

When you get involved with someone new, you want to open up — but the fear of being vulnerable can spark feelings of uneasiness and insecurity. As a result, you may find it difficult to fully trust the person (at least at the onset).

In general, highly sensitive people are more prone to relationship anxiety — they’re afraid of rejection, and their feelings for someone can be so overwhelming, it can scare them.

HSPs can fear rejection in other areas of their life, as well. For example, it may prevent you from going after a promotion at your job or from starting that side hustle you’ve wanted to do for as long as you can remember.

3. You take things personally and don’t like criticism (even if it’s well-intended).

While everyone sometimes thinks about things people say to them, sensitive people can hang onto the words longer than others. For example, let’s say a supervisor gives them unwarranted feedback on how they can improve on something at work. Even though the supervisor is just trying to help — they’re not yelling or upset — the HSP can take the input very personally. To them, it’s not simply feedback, but feels like criticism.

Since highly sensitive people are already self-critical (see point #1), they feel even worse when critiqued by others. It almost serves as a kind of confirmation for the self-doubt they may already have.

4. Your stress becomes physical pain, such as a headache or digestive issue.

When your highly sensitive soul is in overdrive — usually due to too much overstimulation and overwhelm — stress starts to eat away at you. And this can manifest physically in

the form of headaches, digestive problems, and other issues.

It can all start with an isolated incident that causes you to be upset. Or it can happen over time, when an accumulation of stressors becomes too much.

To combat this, you can try a grounding technique, like a breathing practice or meditation.

5. You have a surplus of emotions that can bubble over anytime.

Highly sensitive people have a very strong connection to their emotions, and even seemingly insignificant situations can shake them up.

Of course, everyone has their moments and can become upset when something major happens. But sensitive folks are frequently affected by even the smallest things, from a touching TV commercial to a comment someone makes (to them or someone else).

Similarly, since they absorb others’ emotions as though they were their own, this could weigh on HSPs emotionally, too — it’s hard enough keeping their own emotions in check, but when you add other people’s? It’s an easy way for sensitive people to become emotionally flooded.

6. You are easily distracted by external stimuli — environmental factors are often triggers.

As I mentioned in the previous point, even the smallest things can become stressors for those who are sensitive, and this is also the case with stimuli since HSPs process things more deeply than others.

Various environmental factors, such as loud sounds, bright lights, and smells, can be triggers and distractions. Thus, these stimuli can be a shock to your sensitive system.

7. Group outings challenge you — you usually prefer deeper, one-on-one interactions.

As a highly sensitive person, you tend to be much better at one-on-one interactions. It’s just easier for you — they’re more focused and you can have deeper conversations and connections.

When others join in, things can get a bit messy as you find yourself struggling to be heard in a group of people. For this reason, group outings usually leave you feeling exhausted and may cause you to have an “HSP hangover” the next day.

8. Driving or traveling can be stressful since they’re both full of unknowns.

Driving can be yet another daunting challenge for sensitive people. This means trips may take longer than they should because you opt for side streets rather than dealing with the stress of freeway traffic.

Traveling is hard for HSPs, too, as it’s often full of change and unknowns, which HSPs are not big fans of (especially if you’re traveling with other people).

9. Social media often makes you unhappy — it’s a funnel of negative news and comparing yourself to others.

As a highly sensitive person, you already have a hard enough time living in the real world — but once you hit social media platforms, like Instagram or Facebook, it just goes further downhill. In a virtual world, everyone’s life seems perfect (“seems” being the key word!). So you may easily get sucked into comparing yourself with others. This is quite detrimental for your mental health, as it fuels thoughts of inadequacy.

Plus, social media tends to be full of a lot of negativity, like violent-filled news stories which are tough on sensitive brains. (I suggest greatly limiting the time you spend on social media sites, especially before bed.)

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15 Things to Know if You Fall in Love With a Highly Sensitive Person

Okusaga Omoleye — Wed, 11 May 2022 13:00:00 +0000

Highly sensitive people are easy to love and easy to live with—as long as you understand our unique needs.

They say we can’t help who we fall in love with, which I think is true. So you may very well fall in love with a highly sensitive person (HSP). After all, up to 30 percent of the population is an HSP, so that’s about a 1 in 3 chance of meeting one.

And if you’re not one yourself, there may be a period of adjustment. You may wonder why they’re more emotional than you are. Or why they take on others’ feelings and emotions as their own. Or how they’re so intuitive…

Although I’m not a highly sensitive person, I have a family member who is and have learned a lot about HSPs in the process.

Here are key things you should know if you fall in love with a highly sensitive person. Understanding them better will help you communicate with them more effectively, and strengthen your connection, as well. Of course, these may not all apply in every romantic relationship, but they’re a good blueprint. So let’s get started.

15 Things to Know if You Fall in Love a Highly Sensitive Person

1. They’re naturally empathic (toward you and others).

In my experience, people seem to be drawn to sensitive people — they have an aura of compassion and understanding, and this makes others flock to them. They are naturally caring and also go above and beyond to make others feel comfortable, seen, and heard. (You can even see it in their body language, eyes, and expressions.) You not only appreciate how they’re there for others, but also there for you.

2. They wear their heart on their sleeve and are all-in.

HSPs love hard — they’re so highly attuned with their nervous system that they feel emotions in a very real and complex way. They love differently than others do, putting their heart and soul into every gesture, word, and action — you won’t have to guess how they’re feeling. And this can all take a little getting used to. That being said, they are loyal, notice every little detail, and rarely miss the opportunity to give gifts and celebrate special occasions. No matter what they do, they give 100 percent (or more).

3. They avoid arguments and confrontation.

Sensitive souls know all too well how insults can hurt, so they’re not likely to dole them out. And because they don’t love conflict, give them the time and distance necessary to think things through rather than trying to discuss a contentious topic on the spot.

4. They are easily overstimulated and overwhelmed.

Because highly sensitive people respond to stimuli more intensely than others, they are easily overstimulated and overwhelmed. They prefer low-key environments where the lights aren’t too bright and the ambience isn’t too loud. They usually don’t enjoy going to clubs, house parties, or packed concerts. For a highly sensitive person, a quiet dinner with close friends, a trip to the museum, or a long walk in the forest is more their style.

5. They take on others’ moods (for better or worse).

Although it is admirable how HSPs can easily take on others’ emotions and feelings — if you’re happy, they’ll feel your happiness and joy — it also works the other way around. If they encounter someone in a not-so-great mood, they may take on those emotions, too… and bring them home with them. So before you think you’re responsible for their off mood, talk to them to see who (or what) may have triggered it. (Then again, they may just want to spend some time alone and not talk about it, so assess the situation and proceed accordingly.)

6. They need pockets of downtime and alone time.

Since HSPs get overstimulated more than others, it catches up with them — which is where alone time comes in. They need it to decompress and recharge. And once their emotional battery is charged, they are ready to face the world again.

7. They are creative and purpose-driven.

When it comes to their life passions, highly sensitive people tend to be very driven in pursuing them. They’ll give something their all, whether it’s a personal endeavor or a topic you’re discussing that they’re passionate about. And they’re usually creative, too, whether it’s for work, a personal hobby, or even the way they decorate their home.

8. They sometimes struggle with making decisions.

Making decisions can be a challenge for HSPs. They weigh their choices over and over again to ensure they’re making the best one. While this might seem a bit wishy-washy or indecisive, I think it’s due to their highly analytical mind. They understand that the choices they make have consequences, and they don’t want to make the wrong decision. Time anxiety is a thing for HSPs, too, so it’s best not to rush or pressure them into doing something until they’ve thought it through completely.

9. They can be hard on themselves.

When a sensitive person makes a mistake or realizes they have done something wrong, they are the first ones to call themselves out on it because they truly do feel bad about their actions. Even though they are empathetic toward others, they can be their own worst critic — this is because they aim for perfection in all that they do. Hence, they might be incredibly hard on themselves.

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10. They are very self-aware and will learn from every situation (good or bad).

Many people think that highly sensitive people take things too personally, but so what? With all the feelings and overstimulation bouncing around in their heads at any given moment, you would, too. That said, if someone betrays them, it can be incredibly hard for an HSP to just shake it off and move on. Although they are gracious enough to forgive others, they also know when to instill boundaries (even if it may be difficult). The plus side is, they learn from every situation, both good and bad, so that they can avoid repeating past mistakes.

11. They have a hard time with criticism.

Constructive criticism can hurt HSPs, even if it’s well-intended. So before you give them feedback on something — whether it’s about a work issue they shared with you or the way they load the dishwasher — be mindful of how you speak. This doesn’t mean that you can never voice your opinions or concerns, especially since relationships are all about communication. But just keep in mind that your partner may be more sensitive or reactive than you’d be in a given situation.

12. They’re great listeners and truly hear what you have to say (instead of politely smiling and nodding).

Loving a highly sensitive person means you have someone who will truly listen — actively listen — and pay attention to every single word you say. You will be amazed when they remember the important things, as well as the little things. However, they do remember everything, so keep that in mind. (Don’t try to pull a fast one!) Think of it like this: When you’re dealing with a sensitive person, you are dealing with a human audio recorder.

13. They’re highly intuitive when it comes to your emotions.

Highly sensitive people are very observant. They not only pick up on verbal cues, but nonverbal ones, as well. So being in a relationship with an HSP means they will be able to intuit your feelings and thoughts (as much as you may try to hide them). You won’t be able to keep secrets from them either — they’ll sense things going on deep beneath the surface. Similarly, they also need transparency and trust in a relationship in order to make it work. Hence, remaining honest and open is key.

14. They often have a hard time falling asleep.

You might say that HSPs are natural insomniacs. Because their minds run thousands of miles a minute, highly sensitive people often have a hard time falling asleep at night. They tend to think, overthink, and worry about things quite a bit, so creating a peaceful environment at night can do wonders for their insomnia. Creating an HSP sanctuary is a good first step. Plus, they need more sleep than non-HSPs, so it’s important for them to find a way to relax their brains, whether it’s meditating, reading a book, or listening to calming music before bed.

15. They don’t give up easily.

Generally, sensitive people don’t like to give up, and this is true when it comes to their relationships, as well. (Remember how I said they’re loyal?) If you break up with an HSP — or think you and your HSP should “talk” (as a precursor to breaking up) — they will probably want to really talk and try to figure out how to salvage whatever issue(s) you two are having. This doesn’t mean they’ll stay in a bad relationship, but just know they won’t give up without a (fair) fight.

HSPs, what would you add to this list? Feel free to share in the comments below!

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