If you’ve ever had someone tell you, “You’re too sensitive,” you will likely understand what I mean when I say that sensitivity has been cast down as a personality flaw — at least until recently. Slowly but surely, the tide is turning for sensitive souls, and increasingly people are reclaiming sensitivity as a strength, not a weakness.

However, I’ll be the first to admit that my highly sensitive nature, as much as I adore it, can also create problems. There are times when being a highly sensitive person (HSP) can tip over, and I find myself overwhelmed by my environments, both inner and outer. It’s one thing to own up to high sensitivity and no longer see it as a weakness; it’s another thing entirely to truly know the strength in your own sensitive nature, and harness it for good. 

What does it actually mean to be sensitive and work with that side of yourself in a tangible way? Where is the line between being highly sensitive and “overly” sensitive? Here are four practical pursuits you can explore to find strength in your sensitivity, starting today.

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How to Tap Into Your HSP Strengths

1. Meet your emotions.

When strong emotions arise in a highly sensitive person, it can feel like something physical is bubbling up inside, and depending on the situation, we walk a tightrope between handling ourselves with calm compassion and letting our emotions explode everywhere. Understandably, the latter can get very messy.

In these times, the people around us may be forgiven for calling us overly sensitive. After all, we’ve let our emotions dominate us, which can potentially hurt ourselves and others. Now I’m certainly not going to suggest you try to stuff your feelings down, hoping they’ll leave quietly on their own. This is something many highly sensitive people resort to, especially when they’ve been reprimanded for expressing their feeling side.

Been there, tried that. It tends to backfire, horribly.

Instead, I recommend a simple process that starts with acknowledging that you are indeed feeling something, and that something has a right to communicate with you. A good starting place to meet your emotions is similar to how we meet people: We tell each other our names. This could be as playful as saying, “My name is Joe (insert your name). What’s your name?” Then you might imagine your emotion replying, “Hello Joe. I’m Sadness, mixed with a little Disappointment.” Maybe you don’t want to go as far as that, but labeling the emotion as specifically as you can is the first step toward releasing it. 

Another practice that can help is simply identifying where the emotion is most active in your body. Often, shortly after we locate that emotion, we can feel the intensity lessen, without us even having to “do” anything. In this way, our emotions are more like little kids who want our attention. They want to be acknowledged. Once we do that, they are much less likely to rebel and cause us to make an unwanted public display of our inner world.

2. Express yourself.

One of the strengths that highly sensitive people can really embrace is creativity. It’s difficult to find a famous artist, musician, or poet in history who hasn’t clearly got a sensitive side. The great works of art have virtually all been driven by someone who has felt something, and felt the urge to express themselves. Arguably, this is one of if not the highest outlets for our emotions — creativity. 

Even if you don’t regard yourself as a super creative being, there is an undeniable value in expressing our feelings externally in an artistic medium. Art therapy has roots dating back to the 18th century, and the National Coalition of Creative Arts Therapies Association recognizes five other creative therapies in helping people examine their body, feelings, emotions, and thought processes.

So when you’re feeling overwhelmed with your inner world, it may not be the best time to pay your taxes or do long division. It might be a better use of this energy to pick up a paintbrush, a harmonica, or scribble your thoughts down without judgement.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

3. Communicate clearly.

While expressive therapies may help you work through your feelings personally, there is an added benefit to expressing your inner world to the people around you. When we let our emotions get the better of us, the danger is we may lash out at our loved ones, colleagues, or random strangers. In other cases, we might shut down entirely, which doesn’t help either: The issue is rarely resolved, and will only return another day to overwhelm us in full force.

Instead of letting either of these scenarios play out, we can find ways to tell those around us what we are feeling as well as what we need. Clearly communicating what you need will most likely come as a great relief to someone, especially if they’re close to you. Even in a work environment, explaining your situation to someone who can help you can be a huge relief to everyone involved. 

It can be difficult to communicate clearly when you’re in the midst of an inner storm, and at these times, it can be helpful to go through the first suggestion here (to meet your emotion). Once you understand it better, you might want to express it in greater detail to yourself — writing can often be a very quick and effective way to do this.

When you gain some distance and clarity from your emotional response, you may find the words to explain what you were feeling and what you need to another.

4. Take time out.

One of the best ways to find the strength in your sensitivity is by realizing when it’s time to take a break. This is going to look different for all of us, and it will depend on your situation. If you’ve had a stressful, overwhelming day at work, give yourself what you need when you get home. It might mean putting on your coziest pajamas as soon as you get in the door, shutting off your phone, and watching your favorite childhood movie.

In other cases, you might need a bigger time out, and you decide to pack your bags and go for a weekend hike. You might want to prepare yourself for time outs by creating your own HSP sanctuary.

Whatever you do, never feel guilty for taking time out. Clearing your head and giving yourself the time, space, and quiet to be with your sensitive nature is a vital part of staying strong, showing up in the world, and being our best for our loved ones. 

Finally, remember that these are all practices for us to return to over and over again. No highly sensitive person is immune to overreacting from time to time, nor do we have to be victims to our sensitive nature. All HSPs have a powerful inner strength, and when we acknowledge that and work with it, we get to benefit from our superpowers fully.

You might like:

• Why HSPs Get Overwhelmed Easily (and How to Fix It)
• Why HSPs May Need More Sleep Than Others
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand

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The post 4 Ways to Tap Into Your Strengths as an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

My best friend at university was a crazymaker. Crazymakers, according to Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, are “those personalities that create storm centers. They are often charismatic, frequently charming… and for the creative person in their vicinity, they are enormously destructive.”

My friend fit this description perfectly. It took me some time to realize it, and I’ll never blame her or judge her for this, but I do know our friendship was a toxic one. She was the parent; I was the child. I did as she said, and often, as she did. I listened to her dramatic tales (and because I had no boundaries, I let them affect me much more than was good for me) and pandered to her — often irrational — demands.

While I occasionally stood my ground, this caused more trouble than I felt it was worth — she would be understandably shocked at this dramatic, often furious, switch — and over time, I learned to just do my best to obey.

It wasn’t until a couple of years after graduating that I had enough distance and security built up in my life that I took the plunge and “broke up” with my unsafe friend. 

If you identify as a highly sensitive person (or HSP), you might feel like it’s harder for you to make friends (and keep them) than it is for others. You might also have received the message from society that the more friends you have, the better. Or that you need to keep all of the friends you make for the entirety of your life.

But the truth is, you don’t. And not all friendships are good for you as an HSP. Let me explain.

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What HSPs Need From Their Friends

The truth is, friendships are not about quantity: they’re about quality. An HSP can be fulfilled in their relationships even if they have only a few close friends, so long as those friends are a good match for the HSP’s unique needs.

An ideal friendship for an HSP is a truly meaningful one. We thrive on strong, solid, and deep connections. It’s a bit like the HSP heart is always seeking a signal, like your phone does when searching for Wi-Fi. If that signal is weak, the connection is weak and not enough sustenance comes through — much like a slow-loading video on your phone. The HSP just can’t get what they need.

For an HSP, connection means being able to get vulnerable, yet still feel safe. To listen and to be heard. To have their inner depth reflected back to them. Anything less than this can feel superficial, and it isn’t going to feed a sensitive person. At its worst, a shallow friendship can be extremely draining for a highly sensitive person, who gives so much of themselves in each authentic connection. 

Holding onto unsafe friendships is going to have a dramatic impact on an HSP’s wellbeing, arguably more so than for others. For one, HSPs are much more prone to feeling overstimulated, from either their outer environment or their inner environment. Friends who demand an HSP hang out at busy, loud places are naturally going to trigger that overstimulation, as will a friend who burdens the HSP with emotional baggage, negativity, or chaos. 

So it’s not being “picky” or “unfriendly.” HSPs truly benefit from being careful with who they call a friend. And if you’re an HSP yourself, you may be relieved to know that some friends are best left out of your life. 

There are four types of friendships in particular that I believe are unsafe for highly sensitive people.

4 Types of ‘Unsafe’ Friends

1. The Shallow Friendship

Small talk is something most HSPs will firmly agree is not their favorite pastime. An HSP would much rather connect with a friend through profound conversation about the meaning of life, the origins of the universe, and other high-minded topics. A friendship based on superficial gossip or chitchat about the weather is unlikely to appeal for very long.

The problem with small talk is it doesn’t return the energy it requires for an HSP: You don’t get out what you put in. A deep and meaningful conversation might require more cognitive capacity but is much more rewarding for the sensitive mind. A friendship that allows for this is much more beneficial for an HSP.

2. The Judgmental Friendship

Owning their high sensitivity as a trait to be celebrated is key for the self-confidence and wellbeing of an HSP. We need our loved ones to be supportive, not judgmental — especially as we go through periods of self-discovery and self-understanding.

A judgmental friend will subtly (or not so subtly) suggest that there is something fundamentally wrong with being an HSP. “You’re too sensitive,” they might say. They may judge the choices the HSP makes, berating them for their preferences and behaviors. Or they may simply show impatience and annoyance every time the HSP needs a little extra time to process. 

A friend like this is no fun to be around, and not healthy in the long run. An HSP will do much better around people who love and accept them as they are — high sensitivity and all.

3. The Draining Friendship

Most HSPs are blessed with the skills of compassion and high empathy, which naturally attracts others who wish to make use of their listening skills. That on its own is healthy; it’s one of the gifts HSPs offer the world. A draining friend, however, will take advantage of the HSP by offloading any and all of their own emotional issues — without ever giving in return. 

While sharing burdens and helping each other is a vital part of a good friendship, there is a boundary that must be drawn especially for highly sensitive people. Without strong boundaries, an HSP can feel drained of their energy and personal resources. Many can “pick up” or “absorb” the energy of others, and if this is felt in a negative way, it can have some serious negative consequences for the HSP.

A reciprocal friendship is founded on respect. Both individuals are there to listen to each other and support each other through challenges. Both sides will also agree to respect each other’s energy needs, and give each other space without overly burdening the other.

4. The Straight-Up Demanding Friendship

The need for space is crucial for HSPs, whether they are introverts or extroverts. HSPs use quiet time to avoid overstimulation and process everything we’ve taken in. This doesn’t mean HSPs need to spend all their time alone, but it’s important to have some space in between events or interactions.

But some friends refuse to give that space. They may demand that the HSP stay out at the bar later than they would have liked. Worse still, they may even berate the HSP for leaving early or not attending an event. This kind of demanding behavior can become incredibly stressful, forcing the HSP to choose between two hurtful outcomes: letting someone down by leaving early or suffering overwhelm and burnout by staying out. This can build up as resentment — sometimes offloaded in an explosion of emotion at a later time.

For an HSP, a good friend respects their needs for space and alone time, and supports any decision they make to come or go to an event. Even a friend who likes a faster pace will accept a sensitive person’s need to take things slow — if they’re a good friend. 

Not every friendship is perfect, of course. But an HSP can save a lot of time and energy if they remember what behavior is and is not acceptable in the people they consider friends. It’s time for HSPs to stop worrying about the number of friends we have and the longevity of the friendship, and start looking for the people in our lives who are truly supportive of our personalities and all that makes an HSP shine.

You might like:

• It’s Okay to Disconnect From Toxic People to Protect Yourself
• The Science Behind Why Highly Sensitive People Need Alone Time
• 14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy 

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 4 Types of Unsafe Friendships for Highly Sensitive People appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are born with a gene that makes them more sensitive to all types of sensory input, including sights, sounds, and even the social cues of people around them. Up to 20 percent of the population has this beautiful trait, which means that almost everyone knows at least one HSP. Nonetheless, there are plenty of people who just… don’t get it.

If you’re highly sensitive like me, you know the pain of being treated like a nuisance because of your personality. You know it’s not a choice or a lifestyle, that you can’t just “toughen up” or “get over it.” And you know that your sensitivity, while not always convenient, is also a powerful strength.

So here’s what we wish our loved ones knew — especially those who haven’t yet grasped what it means to be an HSP.

Wondering if you’re a highly sensitive person? Find out here.

7 Things Your Sensitive Loved One Needs From You

1. Give us time

A highly sensitive person’s brain processes every piece of new information much more deeply than others’ do. This means we often need more time to process all the information we’re taking in. For this reason, it’s helpful to give us more time to make decisions, learn new things, and say what we want to say. Being rushed is very stressful for us!

Simply by giving an HSP a little more time to get back to you, or letting us know you aren’t in a rush can be a huge relief for us.

2. Give us space

Sometimes an HSP needs to withdraw and spend some time alone. This can be hard for loved ones to accept, but giving an HSP that time and space to recharge is crucial to our wellbeing.

Why? Well, an HSP’s brain is designed to process information very deeply, and we get easily overstimulated if we don’t get alone time to “come down” and recharge — otherwise we burn out. This recharge time can look different for every HSP. For some, it’s going for a nap. For others, a walk in nature will do the trick. Others wish to curl up with a soothing book and pet their cat.

Whatever it is, give them the space to do it. We’ll come back to you afterwards.

3. Give us peace

Peaceful and quiet environments are where HSPs thrive. If you suspect there’s an HSP in your home or workplace (and with roughly 1 in 5 people falling into this category, it’s likely there is) keep this in mind when you’re on the phone, listening to music, or chatting with others.

Other environmental shifts that can help an HSP are softer lighting, no extreme odors (even fragrances you like), and reduced clutter. But you don’t have to try to guess what will or won’t bother an HSP — simply ask us if a fragrance is too strong, or a room is too bright, and take us seriously if we say it’s a bit much.

4. If you have to criticize, criticize carefully

Included in the stimuli that HSPs process so deeply are your words. When an HSP is criticized harshly, their “emotional brain” lights up, and HSPs tend to feel all emotions very strongly — including negative ones.

While a non-HSP might be able to rationalize their way out of taking critical words too harshly, an HSP finds this much more difficult, and the result can be a strong emotional response. In other words, the same words may hurt us more, even if they were meant constructively. This doesn’t mean you should never criticize an HSP, but it can be very helpful to pause and consider your words carefully before sharing your views with them.

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5. Ask us where we want to meet up

For HSPs, certain social environments are more taxing than they are enjoyable — especially loud, crowded spaces. If an HSP in your life tells you they can’t meet up, it may not be that we don’t want to socialize. It may be because we know that the environment will not bring out the best in us.

Loud clubs, chaotic restaurants, festivals, and busy bars are generally not the best places for highly sensitive people to hang out. Instead, consider our needs: less stimulation means a longer “battery” and less stress to derail our time with you. We might prefer a quiet café or a stroll in the park. We do still want to spend time with others, but in a place where we can fully be ourselves and do what we do best: connecting.

6. Let us come and go as we choose

You might have been out with an HSP at a venue you thought they’d enjoy, yet they still chose to leave earlier than you expected. At times, an HSP might cut an evening short, sometimes without an explanation. We might quickly go from being cheerful and chatty to clamming up and looking sullen.

Usually, this just means we’ve reached our stimulation “limit” for now, and we need to be somewhere less stimulating and more peaceful. Don’t try to keep us — even if you think the fun has just begun. And please, don’t pressure us or berate us or question our reasons! We’ll appreciate your understanding, and likely be back to socialize again in no time.

7. Never, ever say these words…

“You’re too sensitive.”

Sure, being highly sensitive is what makes us unique, and it’s a trait that can come with its disadvantages. We know that we sometimes feel overwhelmed by strong emotions, take time to make decisions, or struggle in certain situations and environments.

However, telling someone who is usually well aware of these issues that they simply need to “toughen up” or that they are “too sensitive” really doesn’t help. Being a highly sensitive person isn’t a choice or something that a person can change.

Instead, an HSP needs your support and understanding. If you offer it, the highly sensitive person in your life will feel much more stable and secure, and you may not even notice any more problems. Then, you might see (and help your HSP loved one see) what a blessing it can be to be sensitive.

You might like:

• 5 Ways to Access Your Strengths as a Highly Sensitive Person
• When You’re Sensitive to Smells, You Really Do Get ‘Smangry’
• 14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy

The post 7 Things Every Sensitive Person Needs From Their Loved Ones appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.