April Snow, Author at Sensitive Refuge

Anxious and Fatigued Teen? They Might Be Highly Sensitive

April Snow — Mon, 17 Feb 2025 12:00:00 +0000

Many teens struggling with anxiety and fatigue actually have a highly researched, perfectly normal personality trait: high sensitivity.

Are you worried that your teen seems more anxious or withdrawn compared to her peers?

You might notice that she prefers time alone in her room, frequently gets irritable after a long day, or loses sleep worrying about a class presentation.

Reflecting back, you may even remember that she’s always been a bit more fussy, picky, quiet, or easily overwhelmed — and you hoped she would grow out of it.

If this sounds familiar, you might be worried that there’s something wrong with your teen. But many teens struggling with anxiety and fatigue actually have a highly researched, perfectly normal personality trait: something called Sensory Processing Sensitivity, also known as being a highly sensitive person (HSP).

Many highly sensitive teens who are unaware of this trait struggle to understand why they feel more overwhelmed — and different — than others their age. But they can easily thrive with a few lifestyle adjustments.

If you think your teen may be highly sensitive, the most important thing you can do is understand their trait, and help them understand it themselves. Below, I’ll cover all of the major questions that parents of sensitive teens have, and the answers based on current research in psychology.

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What Is High Sensitivity?

According to research by Dr. Elaine Aron and others, high sensitivity is a personality trait that allows the brain and nervous system to deeply process subtle cues and details that others miss. About 15-20 percent of the population are born with this trait, and it’s dispersed equally among all genders. It’s even found in other species besides humans — at least 100 species so far.

High sensitivity is often confused with introversion, but about a third of all HSPs are extroverts.

How Do I Know If My Teen Is a Highly Sensitive Person?

All highly sensitive people share four main characteristics (nicknamed D.O.E.S.):

Depth of Processing, meaning they reflect deeply on things and tend to take longer to think and reflect before acting.
Overstimulation, which happens because they are processing every little detail in their surroundings (as well as their own feelings). Teens may get overstimulated especially often, because they’re not yet used to managing their sensitivity.
Emotional Responsiveness (or Empathy), which is a key trait of HSPs. Most HSPs are extremely aware of their own feelings and the feelings of others. The part of an HSP’s brain that considers the feelings of others is actually more responsive than in the average person’s brain.
Sensitivity to Subtleties (and sensitivity to sensory stimuli), meaning they tend to notice things that others don’t, or make connections that others fail to see.

These characteristics can show up in many ways. For example:

Complex thinking, asking lots of questions, or learning quickly
Needing more time for transitions or getting distressed by sudden changes
Getting easily flustered or worried, especially when trying something new or being watched
Highly creative, or able to produce creative work that is distinctly different than that of their peers
Difficulty falling asleep after a busy or exciting day
Feeling all emotions deeply and showing empathy for others
“Knowing” or guessing at someone’s feelings even if they haven’t expressed them
A strong connection with animals or nature
Having vivid dreams and an active imagination
Being bothered by loud noises, bright lights, itchy fabrics, and/or strong smells
Being bothered by minor noises/lights/smells that others don’t even seem to notice
Perfectionistic or people-pleasing tendencies

If you’re not 100 percent sure, you (or your teen) can also take the Highly Sensitive Child Self-Test created by researcher Dr. Elaine Aron. Or, check out the 21 Signs of a Highly Sensitive Person.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System?

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

Why Do Highly Sensitive Teens Get Overstimulated?

Due to the highly sensitive brain’s ability to deeply process information and notice subtleties, your teen is unconsciously taking in far more information than their non-HSP peers. That means taking in far more stimulation as well.

“Stimulation is everything you see, hear, touch, smell, and taste, plus all of your thoughts and emotions, plus whatever you are feeling in your body at the time — hunger, pain, cold, heat, or sore muscles,” Aron says. A highly sensitive teen’s brain processes much more of that than their peers do, and that means they will get mentally fatigued faster, too.

The result: Overstimulation occurs any time when we are “on” and receiving input for too long without rest. Think of it as an overheating computer that needs to be shut down.

And that means your teen will need more quiet alone time to recuperate than others their age.

Signs Your Highly Sensitive Teen May Be Overstimulated

For non-HSPs, overstimulation can seem like a mystery — it may seem to come out of nowhere, or in a context that wouldn’t be overstimulating to others. That often means parents miss the signs that their teen is overstimulated, even if it’s happening a lot.

Signs of overstimulation to pay attention to include:

Your teen is anxious or worried often
They have difficulty concentrating
Your teen becomes hyperactive when excited or when there’s a lot going on
They get angry or irritable when tired or under pressure
It seems common that they experience headaches — especially when stressed
They become withdrawn or exhausted
Being nervous or upset gives them stomach aches/digestive issues
Your teen has trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, especially after a long day or before an important event

7 Ways to Help Your Teen Minimize Overstimulation and Anxiety

Being highly sensitive doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Here are some ideas to help your highly sensitive teen thrive:

Advance preparation. Schools tend to be crowded and noisy, so it helps reduce stimulation if you can prepare for activities in advance, especially new activities. For instance, practice presentations well ahead of time, or visit a new classroom before school starts.
Avoid overscheduling. Moderate your teen’s after-school activities to avoid overscheduling and overstimulating them. The highly sensitive teen will enjoy quality over quantity — putting their focus on one activity rather than dividing it across several. (If they’re an extrovert or high sensation seeker, find activities that have more risk and novelty. On the other hand, if your teen is a quiet introvert, they may prefer a creative or more introspective activity.)
Ensure that your teen gets plenty of sleep and rest. Allow your teen to retreat to their room to have downtime immediately after school. On weekends, give them permission to catch up on sleep and take one “off” day to relax or do activities of their choosing. This is where many parents of HSP teens push too hard, wanting their teen to get up earlier and “do something,” but it’s worth it to give them this downtime. (In fact, if your teen does not have a private bedroom, you may even want to create an area of the house devoted to quiet time.)
Model self-care practices when you yourself are stressed or anxious, so your teen will learn how to prioritize their needs. Breathing exercises are an incredibly simple yet effective way to calm overstimulation and a tool your teen can use throughout their lifetime. Try this 3-minute Mindful Breathing Exercise or download the Buddhify app.
Reduce screen time and increase immersive experiences such as time outdoors, time with animals, reading, or engaging in creative activities.
Avoid pressuring your teen to make fast decisions. Remember, they are processing far more information than other people do in order to make a decision or take action on something. Nothing stresses out an HSP more than being pressured to make a decision without thinking everything through.
Structure and predictability are important for your quiet teen. As much as possible, have consistent times for homework, meals, family activities, bedtime and so forth. This even means avoiding surprises, which can increase overstimulation and anxiety.

Not every withdrawn or stressed-out teen is highly sensitive. But if your teen struggles with anxiety, constantly feels exhausted, and needs more alone time, they may be a highly sensitive person. This trait is a good thing, it’s normal, and it comes with many benefits.

With a few lifestyle adjustments, your teen can start to appreciate their nature and step into their many gifts as a highly sensitive person. And you, as a parent, can help your sensitive child do just that.

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The post Anxious and Fatigued Teen? They Might Be Highly Sensitive appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

5 Ways to Access Your Strengths as a Highly Sensitive Person

April Snow — Mon, 27 Jan 2025 12:00:00 +0000

HSPs possess many powerful strengths. But in order to access those strengths, you must live a lifestyle that’s aligned with your needs. How do you start?

If you’re like me, you’ve been called “too much” of something — “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “too quiet.” Throughout our lives, many of us highly sensitive people have been told that our trait is a weakness. Or we’ve been labeled anxious, shy, or fragile as a result of being a deeply feeling person who needs time to observe and reflect.

After hearing these negative views of sensitivity, it’s not surprising that we struggle to fully accept ourselves and recognize the gifts of our trait. The truth is that we have many strengths that stem from our sensitivity, such as our capacity for empathy, creativity, and intuition — all of which can make us incredible friends, partners, employees, innovators, and leaders!

Being highly sensitive is not a weakness at all. It can be a powerful asset.

The process of accepting ourselves and discovering our sensitive strengths can be a difficult journey. We have to fight all those negative messages that tell us we are “less than” — messages that may feel true as we struggle to keep up with our non-HSP peers in this loud, fast, and overstimulating world.

Often we feel behind, different, lonely, or out of place. But as we start to value ourselves and prioritize our needs, our internal dialogue shifts to one of self-acceptance.

First, let’s take a look at some of the most powerful strengths of the highly sensitive person. Then, I’ll share five simple ways you can better access those strengths.

7 Strengths of the Highly Sensitive Person

Every HSP has their own unique gifts, and these are just a few of the many sensitive strengths that are possible. In general, highly sensitive people:

Pick up on subtleties that others miss. Noticing little details allows HSPs to be able to anticipate the needs of others, which is a huge asset in relationships and at work.
Feel things deeply. As a result, they’re easily moved; even little moments can bring sensitive people great joy.
Tend to be spiritual or philosophical in nature. Many HSPs feel deeply connected to animals and the world around them.
Are conscientious and honest. This leads HSPs to be committed to doing tasks the right way.
Are very caring, empathetic, and emotionally responsive towards the needs of others. This is due to them having more active mirror neurons (the part of the brain responsible for empathy).
Have heightened perception, insight, and intuition. This allows highly sensitive people to notice nonverbal cues and pick up subtle nuances.
Are highly creative and introspective. They have rich inner worlds and a tendency toward vivid dreams.

Have You Ever Felt Like Your Sensitivity Was a Burden?

Noticing everything while thinking and feeling deeply uses a significant amount of our mental and physical energy. It’s no surprise that we’re often left feeling overwhelmed and anxious — especially if we don’t get enough time to ourselves.

When we’re stressed out and exhausted, being highly sensitive may feel more like a burden than a gift. You may have thought to yourself that it would be easier not to care as much or process every little detail with such great depth.

Perhaps this is true, but we would miss out on all the rich inner experiences and meaningful connections with others that are possible for us as HSPs.

5 Ways to Access Your Strengths

To access the incredible strengths we highly sensitive people possess, we must live a lifestyle that is aligned with our needs and supports our temperament. Here are five tips to help you start doing just that:

1. Make space for downtime.

The most essential practice for any HSP is getting quiet downtime every day. This also includes getting enough sleep to feel rested.

Overwhelm is so common for us because we notice everything around us, whether consciously or not — and then our brains process all that information very deeply. The more we over-schedule and multitask, the more exhausted we become and the more sleep we need. Imagine running your laptop until it overheats. That’s essentially what is happening to our brain and nervous system when we’re doing too much.

Tip: Try giving yourself one hour of unstructured quiet time before bed each night, plus a midday break to sit quietly or go for a walk outdoors.

2. Prioritize your needs.

Getting enough downtime means being able to set boundaries and place limits on our commitments to others. As Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, writes, “No one knows how tired you are except for you.” Saying no can be very difficult for HSPs because we feel guilty when we disappoint others, but it’s absolutely essential to avoid depletion.

Tip: Set a quota on how many social invites you say yes to each week and reserve one day per week as a self-care day. It’s also helpful to say “yes” on your own terms and practice saying “no” out loud to yourself or to others when it feels accessible.

3. Take time for self-reflection.

Since we feel everything so deeply, it’s important for us highly sensitive folks to take time to reflect and sort through our emotions on a regular basis.

Tip: Typically, self-reflection involves journaling, but creating art, talking with a friend, or engaging in expressive movement can all be effective forms of introspection. Create a practice that feels in alignment with your needs.

4. Just breathe.

When we feel overwhelmed or anxious, it’s often because our nervous system has gone into “fight-or-flight” mode. When this happens, you may notice that your breath is shallow, you have difficulty concentrating, or you become physically tense. To calm your nervous system, breathe slowly and mindfully.

Tip: With eyes closed, breathe in through your nostrils then breathe slowly out of your mouth through pursed lips (like you are blowing out a candle). Take at least three slow, deep breaths, seeing if you can make each exhale a little bit longer than the one before.

5. Be kind to yourself.

More often than not, we’ve internalized those negative messages about being highly sensitive, which makes it difficult to accept and be gentle with ourselves during moments of struggle. But being critical with ourselves will only keep us stuck. Instead, use self-compassion practices to calm the inner critic and soothe discomfort.

Tip: Whenever you are being hard on yourself, pause for a few moments to close your eyes and place a hand over your heart. With a soft inner voice, say to yourself: “It makes sense that I am feeling this way. May I be kind to myself and accept myself as I am. This feeling is only temporary.”

When you create a lifestyle that is in alignment with your needs, your strengths can truly shine through.

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The post 5 Ways to Access Your Strengths as a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.