We’ve all been there. The gift we ordered for Mom arrives too late, we missed an important deadline, our health insurance denies a costly claim, we get into a fender bender, or our significant other says they “want to talk.” These are daily disappointments we all face, but for highly sensitive people (HSP) — nearly 30 percent of the population — these frustrations can push us to the brink. After all, we tend to be perfectionists, so it’s hard when things don’t go our way…

Here’s an example that happened to me recently. Because of COVID-19, getting my dog, Jackson, into the vet for a check-up — to discusshis aggressive behavior toward other dogs and anything on wheels — had been a huge challenge. I tried five different vets and finally found one who could see him in two weeks. I gathered his health history, planned to walk him ahead of time and, since this was his first visit with me, I wanted to keep him calm. 

I was all ready for the visit — and feeling quite proud of myself for being so prepared — when I realized I missed the appointment by an hour. I’d now have to wait another two weeks to get him in. I’d looked at my calendar the night before — how did I miss it? 

Trying to Make the Most of It

I decided to make the most of it, so Jackson and I headed to a nearby State Park to walk along the waterfront, something that usually soothes my HSP soul. We had just gone the previous weekend, but we love it so much that I’d purchased a season pass so we could go whenever we’d like. Somehow between the previous Saturday and this one, I lost the season pass, a $35 mistake. Plus, when I got to the park, the park ranger asked if I had a pass and I said “Yes.” Now I had inadvertently lied, which I loathe. But wait, there’s more. When we got there, it started raining. It seemed nothing was going my way. 

None of these things by themselves would cause me to lose my cool, but it was one thing after another, and my highly sensitive self was overstimulated by it all. I texted my boyfriend, hoping for a little support or sympathy. Instead, his reply was “Don’t stress.” Really? That’s not what I needed. 

Why are days like this such a big deal? One disappointment too many creates emotional overload and, all of a sudden, everything seems to be falling apart, even if it actually isn’t. While we may be highly sensitive, life’s daily ups and downs don’t have to sink us. Here are seven strategies that help me deal with things beyond my control. 

7 Ways HSPs Can Effectively Deal With Life’s Daily Disappointments 

1. Acknowledge the disappointment or frustration without judgment. 

My first thought after missing the vet appointment was to beat myself up (how could I be so stupid?). But that didn’t solve the problem or make me feel better, so instead I took a few deep breaths and figured out what I could do to rectify the situation. After all, it wasn’t about me; it was about getting my dog the care he needed. While his behavior was concerning, it wasn’t an urgent medical need, and his behavior wasn’t going to change overnight. Problem-solving was the next best thing.

2. Identify possible solutions. 

I called the vet right away to apologize and to ask if they could see Jackson later that day. They couldn’t, but they rescheduled the appointment and let me drop off his paperwork, so at least I was able to check that off my mental “to-do” list. This way, my HSP mind was able to relax more and let that minor frustration go.

3. Practice self-care.

Practice good self-care: take deep breaths, go for a walk, or curl up and take a nap — or maybe all three. We often hear “take deep breaths.” The act of breathing alone causes you to put your attention on something besides your frustration. A walk can do that for me, too (and HSPs love being in nature anyway). A nap works if I can turn my mind off, so it isn’t always foolproof. 

I also learned a mindfulness trick I’d read online: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. By the time you’re done, you might find that you’re a bit calmer (or at least distracted from what originally upset you).

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4.  Choose one of your “go to” activities that always makes you feel better. 

Because I get wound up when I have days like this, I can’t always think clearly to identify those “feel-good” activities, so I have a list of things on my phone that make me feel better. Then all I need to do is choose one: call a friend, take a bath, read a book to help me escape, color, or watch a feel-good movie. By having this list ready, I don’t have to think about what will calm me down, which can also be stressful (“How do I relax?!”). Instead, it is plug-and-play.

5.  Know your limitations and ask for help. 

Let’s say you had a fender bender and your highly sensitive self is triggered by this commonplace-but-still-annoying event. Call someone, like a friend or family member, to come help you. Maybe they can help you call the insurance company, get a rental car, make you a cup of tea, or just listen and give you a hug. 

Caution: Choose the person you call carefully. If it is someone who will make the situation more dramatic than it already is, or who will tell you all about their bad day rather than hearing about yours, call someone else. You want to be heard, not dismissed.

6.  Avoid making other decisions when you are triggered by the little annoyances in life. 

Being on emotional overload is not the time to break up with your boyfriend, quit your job, or tell your BFF you’re really ticked off she wasn’t there for you. Save such decisions and conversations for when you feel calm and can think more clearly. Otherwise, you risk misdirecting your anger or frustration — and possibly damaging an important relationship. Sometimes, you can’t unring the bell.

7. Cut yourself some slack. 

We all have bad days or difficult moments, but they don’t have to rule the day. Take a step back, determine how serious the problem really is, and try to find the humor in it if you can. For instance, last week, I gave my board of directors custom-made “superhero” mugs to thank them for working so hard this past year. When packing my car, I dropped one of the mugs in my driveway and it shattered. That was my mug, so when I passed them out, I joked that I wasn’t quite ready to be elevated to superhero status just yet. 

So try to remember a time when you thought the sky was falling — but you totally nailed it! You’ve probably had way more good days than bad, so try not to sweat this one. You are stronger than you think. 

As HSPs, we know these daily disappointments are going to happen. We can’t avoid them, but we can help ourselves by preparing in advance. Make a list: If this happens, I’ll do A; if that happens, I’ll do B. And so on. That way, when things go to *!@#, like we know they will, you’ll be ready, and the events of the day don’t have to derail you. You’ve got this!

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• How I Deal With Emotional Overload as a Highly Sensitive Person
• A Therapist Explains How Highly Sensitive People Can Tame Perfectionism
• 10 Things That Just Don’t Make Sense to Highly Sensitive People

The post 7 Ways HSPs Can Effectively Deal With Life’s Daily Disappointments appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

A few years ago, I confided in a friend that I was a highly sensitive person (HSP). I explained what the term meant and how being highly sensitive manifested itself in my life. For instance, I’m more sensitive to things like loud noises and bright lights, overstimulation, and to coarse fabrics and smells. It is something I have learned to adapt to, even embrace. Eager to categorize me, my friend suggested that I fell somewhere on the autism spectrum. 

At first, I couldn’t understand why that made sense to her. The more I thought about it though, I realized that traits and characteristics HSPs often exhibit are not exclusive to being highly sensitive. As a result, those of us who are highly sensitive may be incorrectly categorized or diagnosed as having other conditions or traits, or we may be highly sensitive and have other traits or conditions that make it hard to differentiate our behaviors. So while we adults may be misdiagnosed, children can be, too.

Assumptions Can Be Harmful to Children 

As highly sensitive children grow, assumptions and misdiagnoses can do more harm than good. Well-meaning family, friends, and even healthcare professionals are eager to find answers to try to create a smooth pathway for children in their care. But their assumptions about highly sensitive children are not always accurate, and that can cause kids to not get what they need to feel safe and loved. Doctors’ visits are different for HSPs, and a misdiagnosis can also be dangerous when children don’t get the proper treatment they need. 

Being an HSP is not a disorder — it’s due to a genetic trait found in about 20 percent of the population. And while a child may exhibit signs of other disorders, like getting overstimulated easily, the signs may actually just point to them being highly sensitive. Here are some disorders your highly sensitive child may be diagnosed with (wrongly).

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3 Disorders Your Highly Sensitive Child May Be Wrongly Diagnosed With 

Autism 

Autism is a broad range or spectrum of conditions characterized by challenges with social skills, repetitive behaviors, speech, and nonverbal communication. Autism affects approximately 1 in 54 children in the United States. By comparison, 1 in every 5 people are believed to be highly sensitive. There are some similarities, however. 

Like being highly sensitive, autism is influenced by genetic factors. Environmental factors, too, play a role, and there is no one single case exactly like another. What are challenges and gifts for one autistic child may not be the same for another child. The same is true for HSPs.

Another common trait between people with autism and HSPs is their extreme sensitivity to their environment. Both are easily stimulated by sights, sounds, and textures, as André Solo describes in “Is Being a Highly Sensitive Person the Same as Having Autism?” In addition, both autism and highly sensitivity offer many advantages, including empathy, compassion, creativity, and keen observational abilities. 

However, there are many differences, so categorizing or diagnosing a child as one when they may be the other can do a disservice to the child. A 2018 study by the Neuroscience Research Institute of the University of California identified three key differences between autism and highly sensitive people:

• Autism may include “social deficits,” such as difficulty interpreting social cues, making eye contact, or recognizing faces. HSPs have the opposite experience.
• Highly sensitive individuals find social situations to be very rewarding. They help us connect with others, so much so that we HSPs seek out deep, meaningful relationships, and we thrive when we find them. Autistic individuals also crave connection, but it may not be as rewarding for them.
• HSPs, and those with autism, respond to stimuli differently. Both groups have high brain activity when stimulated, but HSPs tend to show greater empathy and they process more deeply. Autistic individuals’ brains are less active in terms of calm, emotion, and sociability. 

Because of these differences, if a child is miscategorized as autistic rather than highly sensitive, they may not get the type of help, nurturing, or connection they need. 

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) 

According to the CDC, a national 2016 parent survey found that 6.1 million, 9.4 percent, of U.S. children have been diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), with boys more likely to be diagnosed with it than girls. The same survey showed that 5 in 10 children with ADHD had a behavior or conduct problem, and 3 in 10 had anxiety. In addition, about 14 percent of children with ADHD were also diagnosed with autism, and 1 percent with Tourette syndrome. 

Dr. Elaine Aron, an early pioneer of HSP research, encourages parents to check in with professionals before identifying or diagnosing a child’s behavior. She believes that some children diagnosed with ADHD may actually be highly sensitive instead, they may have ADHD and not be highly sensitive, or they could be both. 

The HSP trait and ADHD are often misdiagnosed for a variety of reasons. For example, large, crowded classrooms create chronic overstimulation, which is overwhelming to many children. Overstimulation may also occur at home with other family members, too many extracurricular activities, constant interruptions from TV and electronics, and so forth. While many children may manage such chaotic environments well, both highly sensitive children and those with ADHD cannot escape the overstimulation, Aron says. She also says it’s important to know which is occurring in order to identify the appropriate treatment or care of the child.

“To me, the important test is whether the person has good concentration in a quiet place,” Dr. Aron writes on her website. “Most of those with ADHD do not, and may concentrate better with some noises.” She also says that most HSPs have excellent concentration in quiet places, and when they are not overaroused. “So the important treatment for them is reducing stimulation and other sources of arousal and stress,” she writes. 

Depression 

Clinical depression and being highly sensitive are two very different things, but they can be related, even in children. Overstimulation can contribute to emotional tension and disparate thoughts. And overstimulation can manifest itself through anxiety and depression. Dr. Aron, too, points out that HSPs are genetically more vulnerable to depression. For example, a highly sensitive child may not want to leave their classroom setting if they experience chronic environmental overstimulation.

Internal stimulation — like hunger, thirst, being physically tired, or lack of sleep — can also be contributing factors when it comes to depression. And because HSPs have such a deep empathy for others, which often causes them to absorb others’ emotions, this can take a negative toll on HSPs, too. Similar to an adult suffering from depression, if a child is suffering from depression, they may no longer find joy in everyday activities, like sports or hobbies.

The confusion comes in since some signs of being an HSP and of depression can be similar. If an HSP child has an anxious or depressed parent, for instance, they may absorb the parent’s feelings or even imitate their behavior. So while the child may appear depressed, they may not be.

Whether a child is highly sensitive or clinically depressed, they should be seen by a medical professional to avoid missing key cues that will help the child get appropriate treatment. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

Five Traits of Highly Sensitive Children 

In her book, The Highly Sensitive Child, Dr. Aron identifies five common traits of highly sensitive children.

• They absorb more sensory information from the environment than other kids.
• They process information deeply, accessing their creativity and intuition.
• They have a lot of empathy for others and can absorb the emotional highs and lows of those around them.
• They require more downtime from being overstimulated.
• They may be prone to tantrums or meltdowns when overwhelmed (physically or emotionally).

If you aren’t sure if your child is highly sensitive, or experiencing another trait or condition, you may want to consider taking Dr. Aron’s self-test, “Is your child highly sensitive?” This is not a psychological test, but it can serve as a useful tool to determine what steps to take next. And, of course, an online test is not a replacement for speaking to a professional, like a psychotherapist or pediatrician, in person.

And keep in mind that children who are HSPs don’t necessarily have all the skills to understand or adapt to being highly sensitive. Parents raising highly sensitive children can help them by being patient, staying calm, praising them, being mindful of their tone, practicing self-care (for the child and themselves), and seeking help. Speaking of which, when in doubt, it’s always best to not diagnose your child yourself, but to get a professional opinion (or two).

You might like:

• Is Your Child Highly Sensitive?
• Why Doctor Visits Really Are Different for Highly Sensitive People
• ”Is Being a Highly Sensitive Person the Same as Having Autism?”

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 3 Disorders Your Sensitive Child May Wrongly Be Diagnosed With appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

About five years ago, I was the president of a large national nonprofit. As part of the volunteer gig, I traveled around the country, networked, attended conferences, ran board meetings, gave speeches, shook hands, and kissed babies. Well, I didn’t really kiss babies, but you get the idea. 

I loved the role and felt like I served the organization well but, to this day, I’m surprised I pulled it off. Why? Because at the end of each meeting, event, or activity-filled day, I was physically and emotionally drained. I wanted to hide in my hotel room and never come out, because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to “rinse and repeat” on cue. 

At the time, I thought that meant I wasn’t up to the task of being president. Now that I know I am a highly sensitive person (HSP), I realize that I experience things a bit differently than other people. For an HSP, my reaction was completely normal and acceptable. I was overstimulated and needed time alone to quiet my overloaded nervous system. If I had to do it over again, I would schedule more downtime and do less networking, so I’d have more energy to power through. 

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HSPs Have a More Intense Reaction to External Stimuli 

As an HSP, I know I’m not alone. HSPs make up one fifth of the population, or more. In her book, The Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Elaine Aron writes that everyone has a unique state of arousal or stimulation. This includes their reactions to different sensations, like sight, sound, smell, touch, pain, and taste, to name a few. Because HSPs are more intuitive and sense subtleties others might miss, our reactions to external stimuli are often more intense: It’s like we have secret powers. For example, one person might love all the sights, sounds, flavors, and activities found at a state fair, whereas another can’t handle the large crowds, bright lights, or overpowering smells. 

Not sure if you suffer from overstimulation? See if you relate to these signs.

13 Signs You Are Overstimulated 

1. Music is not just “loud” — it pulsates through you.

Most of us probably enjoy listening to music… on our watch. But when we hear it coming from somewhere else, our HSP senses go into overdrive. For instance, your next door neighbor’s stereo is so loud you can practically feel the base pulsating through your walls (and veins). You try headphones and ear plugs, but you can still “feel” the music.

2. You avoid social gatherings.

If you find that you’re avoiding parties and other large gatherings because you become overwhelmed, which is common among HSPs, it may be because you easily become overstimulated. All the loud voices and laughing, hugging and touching, uncomfortable social situations — and you can’t control any of them. If you do attend such events, you tend to leave early, or you can be found in a quiet corner by yourself.

You’re staying in so much, in fact, that your friends keep asking why you don’t come out to play and go out more. They might even think you are avoiding them specifically, or that you’re boring. Nope, just setting boundaries. Although it’s tough for many HSPs to set boundaries, it’s necessary for self-care, especially when it comes to getting the alone time you need to recharge.

3. It’s hard to multitask when it comes to things like listening to multiple conversations at once.

You find it challenging to listen to more than one thing simultaneously, like trying to have a conversation with someone while watching TV. I just can’t, and it’s maddening to even try! The same goes for multiple people speaking at one time. It gets overwhelming!

4. You change your outfit several times since you’re very sensitive to fabrics.

Do you change your outfit half a dozen times in the morning, because some fabrics are itchy or uncomfortable? If you don’t, you know you’ll be miserable all day. This is a big one for me. During the pandemic, when I wore a mask everywhere, I found that some masks are soft and smooth, while others are itchy, even after washing. Now before I buy masks online, I first check the fabric type.

5. Sleep with the TV on? No way! 

You can’t fall asleep with the TV on, because the light is too bright, and the sound is too loud at any level. My ex-husband used to watch TV with headphones at night, but the light bothered me. I tried a sleep mask, but having the mask too close to my face was irritating, too. (Ironic now that we’re wearing masks all the time!)

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

6. You need white noise to help you fall asleep.

Speaking of sleep, if you’re an HSP, you probably need white noise to block out all sound to fall asleep. And sleep is important for highly sensitive people because of our exhausted, overstimulated senses. Thank goodness for Spotify and Alexa — they have a countless number of white noise selections!

7. Temperatures really affect you.

HSPs also feel temperatures more so than others. When you’re hot, you’re really hot. When you’re cold, you’re really cold. I always dress in layers, so I can adjust to my comfort level accordingly. 

8. You avoid shops that are heavily scented.

You avoid shops that are heavily scented, including the department store fragrance counter, bath and body stores, and candle shops. Being sensitive to smells like this could be a sign of chemical sensitivity, which is common for HSPs. When I was in my early 20s, I worked in a perfume store, and I loved it. Now, however, I can’t even wear perfume or use scented anything, like lotion or shampoo.

9. You can’t watch anything gory or violent.

You find true crime shows and horror flicks too gory, loud, and gruesome to watch. This is because your highly sensitive soul would prefer something that won’t overstimulate your senses as much, like feel-good shows.

10. You prefer more low-key social activities.

When it comes to socializing, you prefer quiet game nights with close friends to meeting at a noisy bar for drinks after work. The same goes for networking: You’d rather meet someone one-on-one and really connect with them versus go to a networking event and have a bunch of eclipsed conversations.   

11. You loathe your office’s open-space floor plan. (Where’s the peace and quiet?)

You can’t concentrate when lights are too bright, noises are too intrusive, or you are interrupted frequently. Even though your company’s open-space floor plan is supposed to boost productivity and foster relationships, as an HSP, it distracts you, because you can see and hear everything. 

Instead, you need quiet to focus when multitasking. For example, I need complete quiet when I’m writing. I shut off my email, close down my social platforms, and put my phone on Do Not Disturb mode.

And, of course, you can smell the broccoli your colleague just steamed in the microwave. Blech! (Let’s hope we can all keep working from home.) 

12. Noises really rattle you, from background noise to ringing phones to fireworks.

No matter what the noise is — background noise (is that an air conditioner?), your cell phone ringing, or fireworks — noises really rattle you… especially when they’re unexpected. Similarly, you are annoyed by the noise on an airplane and public transportation — people chatting, babies crying, the sound of the engines (which are kind of important). They’re just too much for your highly sensitive soul.

Instead, you crave a peaceful environment. You sometimes even turn off the music or podcast in your car because you need, and relish, the sound of silence.

13. You need a quiet, comfortable space to recharge (often).

Not only do you want to recharge and reset in a quiet, comfortable space, but you need to. It’s the number one way for us HSPs to regain energy and to prevent the dreaded HSP hangover. Setting up an HSP sanctuary in your home can really help — whether it’s a spare room or corner of a room to call your own.

Ways to Quiet the Inner Chaos 

HSPs get overloaded when our nervous systems are overreacting to external stimuli. But, luckily, there are some ways that’ll help you hit the reset button.

• Know your triggers. Write down the things that set you off (like any of the above), and brainstorm solutions. This way, when you are overstimulated, you’ll be prepared. For example, if the lights and noise in a grocery store are too much for you, you can wear sunglasses and noise-cancelling headphones. 
• Build self-care into every day. HSP or not, we all need self-care. HSPs, though, are more likely to thrive when they’ve taken some time for themselves through exercise, yoga, meditation, reading, being creative, or some other activity that soothes your sensitive soul.
• Create home and work environments that maximize comfort and minimize overstimulation. I recently got Smart Bulbs for all my lamps. I can turn the lights up or down, depending on my mood. I also surround myself with things that make me happy: pictures of my family, fun artwork, a slinky, and a Magic 8-Ball. I’m not even kidding. Sometimes you need to be kind to your inner child and be playful.
• Accept your propensity for overstimulation. Sometimes fighting what we can’t change magnifies our discomfort. For example, the more I focus on my neighbor’s music, the more it annoys me. So I ended up going into a different room in my house and turned on the TV, so I couldn’t hear or feel the music anymore. 

While our highly sensitive selves get overstimulated more easily, luckily we can find ways to manage it. The most important thing to do is whatever works best for you.

You might like:

• 9 Signs of Chronic Overstimulation
• Get Overstimulated Easily? You Might Be a Highly Sensitive Person
• 9 Secret Powers of Highly Sensitive People

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 13 Signs You Are Overstimulated appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I first found out I was a highly sensitive person (HSP) two years ago, when my stepdaughter asked me if I was an “HSP.” I had never heard the term before, so she described what it was, and I read everything I could on the subject, finding Dr. Elaine Aron and HighlySensitiveRefuge.com to be great resources. 

There was no doubt I was an HSP — the description fit me to a T. Taking Dr. Aron’s self-test in The Highly Sensitive Person, I marked “true” in virtually every category: I am easily startled, loud noises bother me, I absorb other people’s emotions as though they’re my own, and I am overwhelmed by bright lights, strong smells, and coarse fabrics.

At first, I didn’t want to accept the HSP label — it made me feel flawed. I thought back to my childhood and realized I’d probably been an HSP all my life (which makes sense since a trait is responsible for HSPs’ increased sensitivity).

I’d Always Been ‘Different’

Since I was a kid, I’d always been “different.” I thought it was my environment. I was raised by a hard-working, single parent who was great with her patients (she was a nurse), but who lacked empathy for her children. Plus, I was overly sensitive to constructive criticism and very defensive when friends would tease me about being short. In essence, I was never comfortable in my own skin.

The constant yelling and criticism from my mother caused me to retreat into myself. I was a broody, quiet child, often hiding in my room and seeking out solo pursuits, like drawing or writing to entertain myself. (I’d later learn that HSPs are often naturally creative.) The only other times I was ever really happy was when I was with my dad, aunt, or grandma. In their company, I felt accepted and loved for me, exactly as I was, even though I was not always who I thought I should be.

As an adult, I still feel different and awkward sometimes, although the degree depends on the situation and my comfort level. While my friends and colleagues might describe me as outgoing, I am generally uncomfortable socially and a closeted introvert. I prefer to spend my time alone, yet I occasionally crave the company of others. 

During the pandemic, while others desperately wanted to get out of the house, I was content to stay in it: to read, write, watch TV, paint, or get out now and then and go for drives. I’d get my fix for connection by texting, occasional Zoom happy hours, and sending cards and letters to family and friends. 

So, even though I didn’t want to accept the HSP label initially, I soon began to enjoy my uniqueness. After all, being highly sensitive means I’m an attentive listener (because of feeling everyone’s emotions), a deep thinker, and notice emotional and situational subtleties others may not. 

These days, instead of being embarrassed by my sensitivity, I have learned to embrace it — here’s how.

How I Embraced Being a Highly Sensitive Person

1. I realized I’m not alone — around 20 percent of the population is highly sensitive.

I learned that I’m not alone — around 20 percent of the population is highly sensitive, too. We don’t have a disorder; rather, we have a distinctive gift.

I have found comfort in knowing that there are others like me who have similar feelings and challenges. My adult daughters are both HSPs, and knowing that has helped me understand them better and to be compassionate when they need something HSP-related, like time alone. 

Being an HSP has also helped me be less judgmental. I can’t possibly know what goes on inside other peoples’ complex inner selves. I now take people at face value and don’t assume that their reactions or behavior are because there is something “wrong” with me. Who knows? They may be overly emotional as a result of being highly sensitive, as well.

2. I started telling people I’m highly sensitive, from my partner to select friends and family members.

For a long while, I constantly pushed my partner away and could never understand why. I decided to share my HSP-ness with him so that he could better understand me. 

Knowing that I’m an HSP, I can now see that while he craves my attention, I am more comfortable with less intensity. I told him I need quiet time, space to process my emotions, and can’t always handle his desire to talk (constantly). He was very understanding and loving, and it helped him see me in a new light. I now feel safe asking for what I need.

I have also told a few friends about being an HSP. In most cases, the information was received well. One friend, however, felt like it was an excuse for me to be sensitive, defensive, or not as social. Not everyone will understand, but those who really care about me (and you) will try.

3. I started realizing that being an HSP is a gift.   

By being highly sensitive, I’m naturally empathetic and a good listener, which has helped me as a writer and professional communicator. When interviewing people, for example, I’m patient enough to really listen to them, and make them feel comfortable and heard, so they will open up when talking to me. 

Being an HSP has also helped me be kinder toward myself. I have always felt like I was not good enough. Now I can look at facts more than feelings, and I have learned to love and accept myself in a way I couldn’t before. Being highly sensitive is a gift that not everyone has, and I am grateful for it.

4. I’ve learned to avoid triggers, like loud noises and bright lights. 

Like other HSPs, I am sensory challenged and easily overstimulated. I used to think this made me weird, too, but now I know it’s just part of being an HSP. 

Since loud noises, bright lights, yelling, and crowds often bother me, I have learned to adapt my environment to suit me and avoid situations that might trigger me. Instead, I typically choose soothing, quiet activities, like reading, writing, dinner dates, and game nights. 

I try to find balance, too, by choosing social activities carefully. If I want to attend a concert or hockey game, I plan ahead so I can fully experience and enjoy the event instead of waiting for it to be over, as I did before. And knowing that I can unwind and relax at home afterward in my HSP sanctuary helps, too.

5. I’ve realized it’s good to be empathetic, but also important to set boundaries. 

As an HSP, I am empathetic: I’m emotionally reactive to others and often absorb their feelings. I can usually sense what someone is feeling before they say it, and I take on those emotions as my own sometimes without realizing it. For HSPs, it’s easy to get mentally and emotionally flooded as a result. 

While this can be helpful in relationships, it can also be incredibly draining, so I set  boundaries (which can be challenging for us HSPs!) and remind myself that I cannot take on everyone else’s thoughts and feelings. (I have plenty of my own to manage!) 

The best thing I can do to help a friend in need is to listen, so I have learned to step back and remember we are all responsible for managing our own feelings. I cannot solve everyone’s problems and trying to do so comes at a personal cost. What I can do, however, is let them know I’m there for them and say things like, “I’m sorry that happened to you — that must be hard,” rather than always trying to help them find solutions.

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6. I’ve become more self-aware, like turning overstimulating situations into productive ones.

One of the key components to emotional intelligence is self-awareness. This has been something I have struggled with professionally, so I have to intentionally practice it. I ask myself: How are my emotions impacting my work? How do others perceive my feelings and behavior? What can I do to turn my HSP challenges into productive work practices? 

In some cases, this has meant confiding in those close to me. In others, it means practicing uncomfortable work situations at home, so I am prepared to handle them more appropriately at work. 

For example, one day when a conversation with a group of coworkers got heated and uncomfortable, I got up and walked out of the room. My reaction was not professional. If that happened again, I would be aware of my overstimulation and tell the team I wanted to go back to my office to work on a resolution I could present later. That would give me time to regroup without showing my raw emotions.

In another instance, a coworker wouldn’t smile at me or reply when I said “Hi.” Rather than judge her or take it personally (as highly sensitive introverts are prone to do), I stripped the emotions away to look at the facts. Is the work still getting done? Is she giving me the information I need to do my job? 

Using my HSP-ness as a gift, I looked at her with compassion. Maybe she’s highly sensitive, too, or maybe I’ve triggered something in her. Rather than confront her or assume the worst, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

7. I’ve learned to regularly practice self-care, such as taking a walk or spending quality time with my pets.  

For HSPs, it’s easy to feel overstimulated. To center myself, I practice self-care and consult a list of things that calm me down — quiet time, writing, a hot bath, a walk, sitting quietly without doing anything, self-reflection, meditating, and so on. 

I always have the list nearby since, when I’m overwhelmed, I sometimes forget how to relax. With the list handy, the only thing I have to remember is the list. Soon, I go from feeling emotionally overloaded to calm.

The bottom line is, we are who we are, and the sooner we accept our HSP-ness, the sooner we can leverage it to our advantage. This way, we can use our sensitivity to improve our lives and the lives of those we want to be around. Others may not accept us for being highly sensitive, but those are probably people we don’t need in our lives anyway. 

I am a highly sensitive person and proud of it. I hope you are, too. 

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You might like:

• 4 Ways Being Highly Sensitive Is a Divine Gift to the World
• How to Overcome Inadequacy as an HSP
• 7 Secret Benefits of Being a Highly Sensitive Person

The post 7 Ways to Adapt — and Embrace — Being a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Content warning: This article contains references to political violence. 

A Capitol Hill policeman violently squashed between glass doors in Washington, D.C., a Congresswoman crouching on the floor with a gas mask, a Black man begging for his life while being crushed under the knee of a policeman. These are a few of the vivid images from the last year that play over and over in my head. 

And I am not the only American who is haunted by these images. 

Over the last year, our country has seen some dark days, pushing us to extraordinary limits with everything from politics and the COVID-19 pandemic to riots and a recession. Emotions are running high, and every day seems to bring some new horror or battle to be fought.

The movement to protect Black lives, police brutality and protests, chaos surrounding the 2020 presidential election, and the recent deadly riot on the nation’s Capitol have impacted everyone. As a nation, we have become further divided, and democracy as we knew it has been decimated. As individuals, we have been rocked to our very core as we struggle to make sense of it all and to find a path forward. 

But I’m not (just) a worried American. I’m also a highly sensitive person. And these events affect me differently. 

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are the 1 in 5 people born with the genes to be more physically and emotionally affected by their environment — and we have a strong reaction to violence or unrest. Our senses are quickly overloaded by gruesome images of violent protests, police brutality, and senseless deaths or the ghastly sounds of shouting, screaming, and gunshots. 

The events of the past year have only magnified that reaction.

Our emotions have been flooded with hate, negativity, and powerlessness — but this doesn’t mean we HSPs have to feel overwhelmed. There are tactics, techniques, and tools we can use to navigate the stormy waters of our whacky world. Here are some that have helped me get through the past year. 

6 Ways HSPs Can Handle Political Unrest and Violence

1. Know your triggers, like watching police brutality on the news.

While HSPs have common everyday triggers — like bright lights, loud noises, and violence — we each have unique triggers, too. For example, one of my triggers is the divisiveness that politics and civil unrest have caused (or highlighted) in the U.S. It reminds me of the constant chaos of my childhood and the heated “he said, she said” arguments that were rarely resolved. It sends my emotions into overdrive. 

So police brutality is one trigger I just can’t stomach. I understand that it exists, but I cannot watch it (on TV, on the internet, in news articles, you name it). I also cannot handle news anchors, politicians, pundits, and industry experts yelling at or talking over each other. I realize this is an idealistic notion, but can’t we all just get along? If not, maybe we could at least be more respectful of one another and listen to each other more, really listen. 

2. Limit media consumption — while social media used to be a way to catch up with friends, it’s often full of toxic energy these days.

The year 2020 was a trainwreck of a year, and 2021 does not seem much better so far. Everywhere we look, news seems to be worse and worse: whether it’s about the latest COVID-19 death tolls, videos of Black Americans being killed by the police, or scenes replayed again and again from the riot at the Capitol in Washington, D.C. 

I recommend you limit your media consumption, including social media, based on your tolerance level as an HSP. For me, that means not trolling Twitter while waiting for my pizza to be delivered. Instead, I have chosen several news sources that I trust (both national and local), and I get their news delivered to my email inbox each morning. I scan the headlines and read or watch if I want to know more. I also avoid watching the news before bed, and I make the weekends “media-free” days. 

3. Set boundaries within your relationships, especially since tensions are high these days.

As highly sensitive people, we often feel other people’s feelings. During disturbing, violent times such as these, emotions are running high, and we all have our own opinions. While people have an absolute right to share their thoughts, that doesn’t mean we need to listen to them when they are upsetting to us. I’m not suggesting that we bury our heads in the sand, however attractive of an idea that may be, but we HSPs must set boundaries with friends and family. 

In my case, my significant other and I have quite different political leanings. When the pandemic was well underway and contact with other friends and family was limited, I was his primary outlet for ranting and raving about riots, rallies, and protests (aside from Facebook). He was animated, loud, and opinionated, and we argued often. 

For the first time in our six-year relationship, I pointedly told him to stop talking and said I didn’t want to see him if our time together was going to devolve into discussions about political and societal issues and events. I said he was welcome to his opinions, but I wasn’t going to listen to them anymore. We are still together and now have calm, quiet, civil discussions. I drew my line in the sand and, to his credit, he respected it. I recommend you do the same — protect your HSP energy — whether it’s with a romantic partner, family member, friend, or coworker. 

In another example, a small group of friends and I host occasional happy hours via Zoom. We talk about almost every subject under the sun, but we have mutually agreed not to discuss politics. To us, it does not matter what side of the aisle we are on; we are human beings first, and we care about each other. Our relationships are more important than arguing over who is right or wrong. 

I’ve had other friends cull their social media friends’ lists to unfollow, unfriend, or block those whose opinions are so diametrically opposed to their own that the relationship becomes unsustainable when their values differ so significantly. 

Only you know what you can (and can’t) handle, but boundary-setting is imperative to keep your highly sensitive mental health in check.

4. Balance the good with the bad — after watching the news, watch a light-hearted movie.

This is a bit of a no-brainer, but amid chaos, it is easy to forget that balance is necessary. I achieve balance a few ways. When I choose to watch the evening news (usually one local and one national program), I follow it by watching a funny movie or TV program. My go-to “feel good” movies are Pitch Perfect 1, 2 and 3 and Mamma Mia! Don’t laugh, but the music, unlikely storylines, and the camaraderie of the casts improve my mood every single time! Without fail, I am dancing and singing along in no time. 

I’d recommend keeping a list of your favorite movies or shows handy, so when you’re feeling stressed, you are good to go. If you aren’t a list maker (say it isn’t so!), mark the shows you want to see on your favorite streaming service. They’ll remember them for you. 

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5.  Know when to “speak up,” even if that means in written form, like writing letters to elected officials.

The empathic nature of HSPs makes us natural activists and leaders, as Laura Brix Newbury wrote about for HighlySensitiveRefuge.com. Because we feel the pain of others in a unique way, this makes us compassionate and sensitive to the needs of others. We don’t have to be Black to be an ally to, and believer in, the Black Lives Matter movement. We can support police while demanding police reform. We don’t have to agree with all Democratic policies to support a change in power, and we can be Republicans without condoning the behavior of political leaders, rioters, and protesters. 

To be activists, we simply need to identify the issues for which we are willing to step outside of our comfort zone into the stretch zone. As Brix Newbury said in her activism piece, we don’t need a megaphone or a crowd to be an activist. We HSPs can identify other ways to be heard. She recommends writing letters to elected officials, writing articles, making donations, and being an informed voter, to name a few — and I agree.

6.  Practice self-care regularly — which means everything from practicing mindfulness to getting enough sleep each night.

Self-care is important for everyone, but particularly for HSPs — we sometimes get so caught up in overstimulation that we forget to take care of ourselves. In a time where our senses are constantly assaulted with bad news, self-care is vital for an HSP’s survival. 

Sleep is a great form of self-care, but it does not work for me when my emotions are on overdrive. However, escaping into a good book, walking, cuddling with my cats, and painting are favorites of mine. I have recently joined a weekly mindfulness group (via Zoom, of course) that has taught me techniques to calm and center myself when I am triggered or emotionally flooded. They include belly breathing, body scans, refocusing my thoughts, meditating, and developing a mantra to recite when I need to center myself, like, “I feel calm and safe.” 

Although we likely have more dark days ahead of us, using these tips and coping mechanisms can help us navigate them one day — and one crisis — at a time. And, remember: you are not alone. We are a community of strong, vital, intelligent HSPs, and we have what it takes to survive the darkness — and make a difference.

You might like: 

• HSPs Are the Activists We Need — Even in a Chaotic World
• We Need Our Sensitive Strength Now More Than Ever
• Why Highly Sensitive People Get Mentally and Emotionally ‘Flooded’

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The post How to Handle Political & Civil Unrest as an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.