I was seated at the back of the dark movie theater, covering my ears to block out the loud gunshot noises coming from the speakers. I looked around only to see everybody else’s faces staring in amazement at the screen.

I thought to myself, “How could anyone possibly enjoy these types of violent movies? Or maybe I’m just really weird…”

A few years later, I realized that I’m not weird at all. I’m just a highly sensitive person (HSP), someone who is very aware of external stimuli, absorbs others’ emotions as though they’re my own, and is sensitive to violent movies (and depictions of violence overall). 

(Are you an HSP? Here are 21 signs that you’re a highly sensitive person.)

Since I feel emotions intensely and process information deeply, “little” things that may not affect a non-HSP can really affect me. So my reactions to things — like those gunshots in the movie — can differ somewhat from someone who’s not an HSP. 

I’ve put together a list of 10 things that just don’t make sense to me as a sensitive person. If you relate to these things, you’re not alone.

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10 Things That Don’t Make Sense to Highly Sensitive People

1. Shallow convo. (No, I don’t want to talk about the weather.)

Because sensitive people tend to be so reflective, when we talk to friends, we really talk to them. So small talk? I just don’t get it. How can anybody actually enjoy small talk? 

I have trouble seeing the point of it and would much rather talk about deeper issues, and I think this makes me crave deeper friendships, too.

Plus, I can’t fake being interested in a topic which has little meaning to me: I’m not interested in how bad the weather is today or the latest celebrity gossip. Instead, I want to know what you’re passionate about. What makes you want to wake up in the morning? What makes you feel alive? 

To me, these are the important things my HSP self craves answers to.

2. Violence, even fake violence. Just no.

Of course, nobody likes witnessing real violence or cruelty. But for sensitive people, it goes deeper; we have a tendency to truly despise it. 

I’ve never enjoyed watching violent movies, like thrillers or films with mass killings. This is because I don’t just watch what’s happening in the movie, I feel what’s happening in the movie. And the feelings stay with me even after the movie finishes. I can’t just shake it off like others might. 

And in-person violence is even worse. Even as a child, I couldn’t bear to watch people harming or abandoning animals. In typical HSP fashion, I would feel their pain so strongly that it seemed to become my own (and then want to take them home and take care of them). 

Since HSPs are usually highly empathetic beings, we can’t stand to see others getting hurt, so for me, it’s comedies and rom-coms for the win! 

3. Anyone with a mean streak — even when it’s not directed at us. 

When someone is bullying others or making a not-nice comment to them, I absolutely hate it. 

Aside from not making sense to me why anyone would want to make someone feel inferior or sad, as an HSP, I feel absolutely terrible hurting other people’s feelings — just the thought of it gets my heart racing. 

To me, even saying “no” to someone can feel mean. Highly sensitive people usually want to do all they can to make others happy, and research even says that HSPs can struggle with people-pleasing. 

So while I try not to be a doormat and overextend myself, it can still be hard for me to set healthy boundaries. I do try to do all I can to help people and avoid hurting their feelings.

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4. The need to be “popular” or know everyone vs. cultivate deeper friendships.

Back in high school, it seemed as though everyone was dying to be popular and wanted to have as many friends as possible. But many of these people were pretending to be someone they weren’t in order to make friends. Isn’t putting on a mask for other people mentally exhausting?

I could never understand it. I think friendships that feel completely natural are the best ones.

I always enjoyed having a small, but true, group of friends around me — and still do. These friends understand me and my HSP self; they get it if I want to do something laid-back instead of going to a loud place on a Friday night. No matter what, we have a genuine connection and are able to talk about anything and everything. 

5. Going to loud and crowded places? No thanks.

I don’t know about you, but this HSP completely shuts down in loud and crowded places. 

It might be a concert, a nightclub, or a busy shopping mall — it doesn’t matter. But when you combine lots of people and crazy lighting, my highly sensitive brain struggles to process so much information at once. These environments can leave me feeling dizzy, sick, or uncomfortably hot.

If the place has loud music or noise, too, that’s even worse. My nervous system gets overwhelmed and goes into freeze mode; I can’t think straight.

So, overstimulation? No thank you. I prefer quiet, calm cafes where I can think slowly and clearly. And also … personal space, please!

6. “Constructive” criticism? I’ll pass.

If it’s truly constructive criticism — feedback done with a good heart that is meant to help me improve — I’m open. But often people call it “constructive” when it’s anything but — and as an HSP, I don’t take that kind of negativity well. I find myself overthinking the mean comments again … and again … and again. 

Since we HSPs tend to process all kinds of stimuli a lot, it may take us more time to recover from criticism than a non-HSP. The latter may receive mean comments and shrug them off after a few minutes. With an HSP, however, that usually doesn’t happen; harsh criticism can really hurt us.

This may be because we’re often already very critical of ourselves. So receiving more negative feedback from others can honestly feel like the end of the world (even though, of course, it isn’t).

7. People who never seem stressed. 

We all know people who seem to “just handle” everything that comes their way with no problem at all — nothing seems to worry them or stress them out. This really bamboozles me. 

I, on the other hand, worry about the smallest things, such as being late to a meeting or not having enough time at the airport before a flight, probably because HSPs hate feeling busy and rushed. Those who are really chill about everything, however, think, “No worries, we’ll make it on time.”

As HSPs, our heightened sensitivity means we are more prone to feeling stress in certain situations, like time pressures and being around other stressed-out people. Since we absorb other people’s emotions and energies, if they’re stressed out, that means we’re super stressed out.

So when I look at people who seem relaxed 24/7, I end up asking myself “How?!”

8. People who are not environmentally conscious.

People who are not sensitive to their surroundings and the earth — like my HSP self is — irritate me, especially during a time when we need to be aware of our environmental actions more than ever. 

Nature is amazing, and something sensitive people tend to seek refuge in, so we should be doing everything we can to preserve it, along with our wildlife. 

So watching people casually toss their cigarette butts or plastic bottles onto the sidewalk or dismiss climate change really gets to me.

9. Reading — and watching — the news too much.

Sure, it’s important to know what’s going on in the world. But reading — and watching — too many news stories can do more harm than good, I think. Doomscrolling is a common problem now: Some people can’t get enough bad news and research shows it’s having a negative impact on our mental health.

I don’t know about you, fellow HSP, but hearing about the endless number of natural disasters, crimes, and deaths can leave me feeling quite depressed and anxious. Since we absorb things so easily, I believe it’s best to switch off all news sources for a while.

10. People who can actually function on little sleep.

One thing HSPs need is sleep — it’s as though it nourishes our sensitive souls back to life, and it’s the ideal remedy after an action-packed day of stimuli.

For me, a night of no or little sleep means I will be quite cranky and tired the next day. Plus, my brain won’t be able to function and my digestive system will feel “off.” 

Seeing people go to work after a wild night out and still being “awake” enough to complete tasks never fails to surprise me. How do they do it?! In fact, just thinking about it makes me want to take a nap right now … 

Highly sensitive people, would you add anything else to the list? Let me know in the comments below.

You might like:

• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand
• How to Explain High Sensitivity to People Who Don’t ‘Get’ It
• 8 Signs You Have an ‘HSP Hangover’

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“Toughen up bro.”

“Come on, be a man about it.”

“Show them you’re the man!”

Society has long taught us that manhood is acquired through dominance, strength, self-reliance, and the bottling up of emotions. But this has led to the dangerous epidemic of “toxic masculinity.” 

Now, I’m not a guy. But I’ve seen it happen. And quite frankly, it needs to stop. Toxic masculinity is harmful to everyone — both men and women.

While sensitivity is still a trait largely associated with girls and women, it should be something we encourage of boys and men. Highly sensitive men are the antidote to toxic masculinity. They are a guiding light that proves men can — and should — be thoughtful, considerate, and empathetic members of society. Men who understand and embrace their emotions know that feelings do not make them weak, but strong and healthy. 

How Traditional Masculinity Becomes Toxic Masculinity 

The American Psychological Association recently released guidelines — for the first time, I might add — for professionals who work with boys and men. The notion of traditional masculinity, the APA argued, has become a serious problem that requires unique intervention so boys can develop into healthier men.  

Traditional masculinity is essentially a social construct. It’s a way of idealizing what it means to be a man, and requiring all men to live up to that restrictive, impossible image: emotionless, strong, hard-working. 

Toxic masculinity emerges when that idea of traditional masculinity goes too far. It’s a way of thinking that if a guy doesn’t act in a certain way, they aren’t men. When that happens, the already constricting nature of traditional masculinity becomes something far more dangerous — both to men and the people in their lives.  

I want you to think of Gaston from Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast.” Remember him? Competitive, bulging muscles, misogynistic, violent and, definitely someone who won’t take “no” for an answer. Gaston is the epitome of toxic masculinity.

Some typical traits associated with toxic masculinity are: 

• Shows no emotion apart from anger 
• Deals with problems using violence and/or aggression
• Competitive and always has to win
• Can’t show any weakness and doesn’t depend on anyone
• Avoids doing anything considered ‘feminine’
• Sometimes, may even make inappropriate sexual or derogatory comments toward women

Truth be told, toxic masculinity is both self-destructive and socially destructive, but society keeps encouraging those same destructive behaviors from men.

Ways Society Encourages Toxic Masculinity

It’s damaging to assume there is only one way of being a man — that only leads to having an unhealthy relationship with oneself and with others. Yet, as boys become men, they tend to hear: 

1. ‘’Real men don’t cry.”

Boys are often told this phrase from a young age, often by their fathers or other male members of the family. The end result? Emotional repression. This frequently leads to outbursts, whether as violence directed at others or self-harm. And that’s not to mention the damaging effects on mental health — 1 in 8 men have mental health issues, but many hesitate to reach out for help.

2. “Suck it up.”

Not being able to express one’s emotions creates an internal pressure cooker, and can result in problems like anxiety, depression, and elevated suicide rates. In fact, men are 3.5 times more likely to die by suicide than women. 

3. “Stop being a wimp.” 

Men experience a real fear of appearing soft and tender. These qualities are usually associated with being weak and not manly. And for a long time — even still to this day in some places — “not manly” was often associated with being gay. 

While views about the LGBTQ community have rightly changed for the good, homophobic comments grounded in the idea of being sensitive make it harder for some men to express their identity, and so they end up feeling uncomfortable with who they truly are.

4. “Boys will be boys.” 

Well, what a great excuse for this crappy type of behavior. The “lad culture” that encourages toxic masculinity tends to devalue women’s bodies and opinions. It creates unbalanced relationships and unhealthy approaches to sex. As a result, domestic abuse rates are at an all-time high. 

Let’s be clear, it’s not just women who are victims of domestic abuse, men are too. But according to the charity Women’s Aid, “women experience higher rates of repeated victimization and are much more likely to be seriously hurt or killed” than males. The idea that problems should be dealt with using violence poses risks to women in relationships with toxic men.

Why Sensitivity is the Antidote We Need

It’s time to redefine masculinity. Sensitivity in men is very rarely encouraged, but it’s time that changed. As a man, you should be able to feel vulnerable and sensitive without feeling weak and inferior. You should be able to enjoy activities like baking and cooking without worrying that they are too girly. 

And that’s where sensitive men come in. 

20 percent of the male population are highly sensitive. And most other men are capable of a deep sensitivity, if they allow themselves to bring it out. Men who embrace their sensitive sides have healthier relationships with others and themselves. They take the time to listen and cultivate deeper friendships. They talk more freely about their emotions and experiences. 

That is pretty damn brave if you ask me.

Here are a few ways sensitive men can help teach the world that “sensitive” means “strong.”

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4 Ways Men Can Embrace Their Sensitive Side

1. Release and express emotions.

Real. Men. Have. Feelings. There, I said it. Men feel pain, anxiety, joy, and fear just like any other human being. You shouldn’t have to bottle up your emotions when you are feeling crappy. You can cry. You can talk. You can go to therapy. If you need help, ask. You don’t have to do it all on your own.

Don’t suffer in silence. You’re doing yourself (and others) more harm than good. There are much healthier ways of expressing your feelings than violent outbursts. 

2. Own your interests, even if they’re “non-traditional.”

Not every guy is into football, cars, and weight lifting. (And if you are, then that’s perfectly fine.) Some men also enjoy cooking, dancing, singing, and baking. These activities are often associated with femininity, but they shouldn’t be.

Forget about what you should like to do as a man, and own what you enjoy. Not doing what you love just because you are afraid it’s considered too girly means you risk losing part of your identity in the process.

3. Foster healthy relationships.

Treating others with respect is just basic manners, and this goes double for romantic relationships. It’s important to cultivate a healthy approach to sex. The idea that all men want sex and should be ready for it 24/7 is absurd. 

You can say no when you want to. It won’t make you any less of a man. And being sexually aggressive (without the other person’s consent) is not justifiable. Women and men aren’t sex objects and you shouldn’t be treating them as so. Learn to treat them as equals. (P.S: Laughing at rape jokes is also really not cool or funny.)

4. Forget about a perfect physique.

Men feel the pressure to have that perfect muscular body, thinking that it makes them manlier. Arnold Schwarzenegger in his heyday comes to mind: “I must be the strongest, fittest, most competitive…” 

More times than not, the superhero in a movie is usually broad and muscular. Images like that and others we see on a daily basis help fuel unrealistic physical ideals and body image problems. Being thinner or heavier should not make you less of a man. Can we all just embrace our differences, please and thank you?

The world has started clueing into the problem of toxic masculinity, and I hope that sensitivity can provide a way forward. You don’t have to conform to society’s ideas of being a man. Be you. There is no ‘’right’’ way to be a man. Sensitive isn’t weak — it’s strong and daring and bold. It’s manly as hell. 

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• 5 Truths I Struggled to Learn as a Highly Sensitive Man
• The World Needs Sensitive Men More Than Ever
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The post Sensitive Men Are the Antidote to Toxic Masculinity appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.