When it comes to horror movies, I get a strong emotional reaction that is not thrilling, but painful. And while I might be convinced to watch anyway — usually under some major peer pressure — it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m having a good time.

Of course, people like me get made fun of. We get teased for being “squeamish” or “afraid,” but that’s not really the issue. Instead, about 30 percent of the population, known as highly sensitive people (HSPs), are wired differently than everyone else. We have a brain that processes information very deeply and feels emotions very vividly, compared to other people.

This trait is linked with many good qualities — empathy, creativity, and giftedness among them — but it also means we experience unsettling scenes very differently than other people. Even in the best Oscar-winning scary movies. In other words: If you’re ever surprised at your sensitive friend’s reaction to a horror movie, it’s because the two of you aren’t actually watching the same film.

How is that possible? Let’s take a look inside a highly sensitive person’s head. Although not all HSPs avoid violent movies like I do, there are five big reasons — rooted in both neuroscience and psychology — that we tend to react to them quite strongly. 

(Wondering if you’re a highly sensitive person? Here’s how to tell.)

Why the Sensitive Brain Struggles With Violent Movies

1. Our mirror neurons are more active.

Mirror neurons are the part of the brain that lets people “feel” the things they see someone else doing. It’s the reason you can feel bad for someone who just lost their job or feel happy when you see someone beaming with glee. It’s also the reason you yawn when someone else yawns. Everyone has mirror neurons, not just sensitive people.

However, according to the L.A. Times, the mirror neurons of highly sensitive people are more active. When we witness an action, sometimes we actually feel it happening as if we were experiencing it ourselves. For some HSPs, this feeling of empathy is so intense that it can be difficult to separate our own experiences from those we witness. 

Mirror neurons are something that neuroscientists still don’t completely understand, but we do know they dramatically change how people react to images of pain. For us sensitive people, this means a scene of violence can be difficult to stomach. Watching someone in pain can cause our brains to almost experience that scene ourselves, as if we were actually there. We cannot just watch and feel amused, pretending it isn’t real (even if it isn’t). Instead, our minds are more inclined to live through the experience ourselves and feel keenly for the characters on screen.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

2. We don’t just observe, we feel.

While other people can simply observe what they see, either on a screen or in real life, we usually cannot. Instead, our sensitive brains experience the world with incredibly vivid emotions. This is wonderful when we see things of beauty or moments of joy, as we experience these happy feelings powerfully. But dark, foreboding scenes or glimpses of monsters have just as strong of an effect — and it’s not a fun one. And we feel a sense of anxiety whenever something is too violent, especially when a character or actor reminds us of someone we love. 

For some, violent action or horror films might be an easy thing to sit through, especially if they are capable of laughing them off or treating them as unrealistic forms of entertainment. For us, however, our minds connect with the possibility that this could be real. We know we’re watching a movie, we tell ourselves it isn’t happening, but that doesn’t change the emotions we experience. We’re like an emotional lightning rod. 

3. We can’t shake those emotions the moment the film is over.

Horror movies make a lot of people jumpy or grossed-out, but it doesn’t usually stay with them long after the movie is over. Instead, they may simply move on as if it never happened. 

For the HSP, this is much harder, and we are likely to feel the emotional effects for a long time. We may even find ourselves feeling those painful emotions years later when something reminds us of the movie we watched. Everyone else might be ready to move on to another activity (dinner after the movie, anyone?) but the HSP still feels those lingering thoughts and emotions. 

For me, violence hangs around like a sullen mood I just can’t shake — I can even appear depressed. I still think about the book I read last week or the movie I watched a year ago, and when I do, it can make me feel physically ill. 

4. It damages our sleep.

Sleep is important for everyone, but remember: The highly sensitive nervous system processes so many little details that most people just ignore. That means our brains and nerves work overtime all day long. Sleep is incredibly important to us, and can be the only way we avoid overstimulation and overwhelm in our day-to-day lives. 

But horror films or violent movies can make it difficult to sleep. This isn’t just a cliché, at least for HSPs — we may find ourselves going over those horrific scenes again and again, and sleep becomes impossible. We can even experience traumatic nightmares at times, so each time we close our eyes we may relive those sequences. You may not even realize it’s happening to your HSP friend or partner; HSPs may try to pretend that we’re fine, not wanting to seem like we’re overly sensitive to something most people are perfectly fine with. It can be painful to feel so misunderstood for something we cannot change.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

5. We aren’t capable of just “shutting it off.”

While some people can detach from and become desensitized to the violence around them, for the HSP, this may not be possible. We cannot just expose ourselves to more violence in order to feel adjusted to it. This type of “exposure therapy” would probably only make us feel like an emotionally exhausted shell of a person, anyway. For some of us, the more we experience these painful emotions, the more overwhelming they become. And while there may be times we wish we could simply shut it off, the truth is, we can’t; this is who we are. 

And I think this is a good thing. It’s true, the world needs those who can set aside their feelings when the situation calls for it. But we also need the opposite, the sensitive ones. If anything, we need more people who aren’t constantly desensitized to pain and violence. People who can’t stomach it even as entertainment. Without those people — without HSPs — I think the world would be a much darker place to live in. 

Need to make it through a scary movie anyway? Here’s how you can do it.

You might like:

• How to Survive Creepy Stories as a Highly Sensitive Person
• 21 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person
• This Is Why I Can’t ‘Turn Off’ Sensing Other People’s 

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Sensitive to Scary Movies? You’re Not Alone appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

To be clear: Being an HSP is not a negative thing, nor is it a disorder. There are plenty of strengths within highly sensitive people that make us kind and gentle individuals. But, whenever you have something which sets you apart from others, it can be a challenge to feel truly understood by those around you — even (especially) your romantic partner. 

As an HSP, I have unique needs in love and dating, and it’s taken me a long time to learn how to communicate them to a partner. I’m going to share the five biggest ones below — in the hope it will help other HSPs and their romantic partners. 

What You Should Know About Your HSP Partner

1. We absorb your emotions.

The fact that we have a heightened awareness of everything around us means we also have a tendency to absorb others’ emotions. We can feel when those around us are stressed, angry, or hurt — and this becomes emotionally exhausting at times.

However, this trait can also be a wonderful thing in a relationship, since it enables us to know when those we love are in need, which in turn makes us want to jump to your aid immediately. When I love someone, I will do almost anything to make them happy and soothe those painful emotions that I sense. 

And, partners, it’s not something we can “turn off.” I have spent time trying to block it out, but it’s not easy. Sometimes accepting those feelings is a much better path to take, rather than trying to block myself off from part of who I am.

Join the HSP revolution. One email, every Friday. Posts that heal, transform, and make you feel understood. Subscribe here.

I realize that having someone “read” your emotions can feel jarring. It’s almost like a superpower, although it does not always feel this way. For our partners, this can be unsettling, especially if they were hoping to keep these emotions inside. We don’t do this intentionally, it is something we simply feel, like an energy in the room around us. 

That doesn’t mean we have all the answers. Our naturally powerful empathy can “know” something is wrong with you, but still not give us the answers as to why you are feeling this way. So please be patient with our need to understand you and where your feelings are coming from. While it can be a difficult thing for you as our partner, it is infinitely more painful for us than you could ever realize. Imagine feeling your own inner emotions, as well as the emotions of those around you on top of that.

2. We need space sometimes… but we still love you.

While we crave connection and want to feel close to our loved ones, we also need space sometimes. We can’t always predict when this emotional and physical exhaustion will strike, but when it does, we really need to have time to ourselves. 

This isn’t an “introvert” or “extrovert” thing. It’s because we’re sensitive to all of the stimuli around us, and when there is too much for too long, it makes us feel a sudden exhaustion. We need that time to ourselves to shut things out, and to recenter ourselves into a more manageable mood. It can be hard to explain, but it really is nothing directed at you personally. (It’s not always convenient for us, either; it can happen even when we’d much rather be spending time feeling connected to the ones we love.)

We know this isn’t easy for you, either, but it’s so important that you don’t take it personally — because in truth, we are probably already anxiously worried about upsetting you or hurting your feelings. You are always on our minds, even when it seems like we are focused on something else.

3. We don’t experience crowds like you do.

Being an HSP means we often dislike crowds, especially when we are not in the right mood for them. While we want to be around you and might really want to go out, it doesn’t necessarily mean we have the energy for it. Since we feel overwhelmed by constant stimuli such as noise, bright lights, smells, and pretty much anything we can pick up from those around us, we can become drained by all the noise and chaos of a crowd. 

This can happen very suddenly, even if we’re enjoying ourselves, and it’s unnerving. It may come with anxiety or fatigue. And, while we might appear fine on the outside, internally we feel like screaming. 

4. We need your patience, not your anger.

Although we are sensitive to every emotion, anger is likely our least favorite. If you are upset with us, sometimes taking a few moments to relax and calm down can mean the world. Otherwise, feeling your anger is like daggers to our heart — something we often want to cower away from. 

This doesn’t mean we are weak. It just means that our natural sense of empathy can make it difficult to experience your anger without feeling overwhelmed by it. Please try to be patient when we are in an argument, and try your best to express things without allowing anger to take control of the conversation. We want to hear why you are upset, and we want the truth. We just don’t want to drown in the emotions you are feeling.

5. Remember what you mean to us.

On the days when we need space, or get hurt easily by your words, or simply appear anxious and worried about our relationship — try to remember what you mean to us. Try to remember that we love you so deeply that you have become part of our soul and our inner being. As an HSP, I know this has made me a stronger and more compassionate person. I love with every part of my soul and would do anything (and I mean anything) for the people I love. 

We HSPs are fiercely loyal people, and while we can certainly feel negative emotions very deeply, we feel positive emotions even more. When we love someone, it isn’t some flighty or momentary thing; it’s powerful. It becomes part of our being.

Remember this during those moments when things are challenging. Any relationship has its ups and downs, but you have something special. You have someone who will love and cherish you even in the darkest of times. You have an HSP.

You might like:

• 12 Secrets About Dating a Highly Sensitive Person
• Why Highly Sensitive People React So Strongly to Criticism
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand 

The post 5 Things You Need to Know About Your Highly Sensitive Partner appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.