Courtney Barnes, Author at Sensitive Refuge

Solo Travel Tips for Highly Sensitive People

Courtney Barnes — Mon, 15 Nov 2021 14:00:00 +0000

Solo travel provides HSPs with plenty of their favorite things, from creating routines to having as much alone time as they need.

Traveling is such a wonderful experience for me. I love to travel, especially by myself. Solo travel is one of my favorite activities. It’s the opportunity to take in someplace new, different, and exciting. It is the chance to explore. I get to relax and destress from my grind of daily life.

As a highly sensitive person (HSP) — who’s also an introvert — you’d probably assume that travel isn’t well-suited for me. But it’s actually more well-suited for an HSP than you would think, as long as you do it right.

Why I Love Taking Solo Trips as an HSP

Traveling solo allows me to take in a lot of beauty in the world. And that brings me a lot of joy, something we HSPs really value and which can help us destress. From walking the cobblestone streets in Paris to eating delicious tapas in Barcelona to seeing hazing sunsets over the crystal clear waters of the Caribbean Sea in Belize, I love seeing and eating all the world has to offer. My favorite things to do on vacation are to just walk around, take in the sights, and eat fabulous meals.

There’s also the added benefit of having a lot of alone time. As an HSP who gets easily drained by social interactions, I love getting to do things alone. And I get to fill my time with things based on my preferences. I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I’m not bound to someone else’s schedule, interests, and opinions.

In addition, I won’t absorb the emotions of others traveling with me. I don’t have to be “on” for others. There is no pressure to be a people-pleaser (another thing we HSPs are so good at!). I can take care of my own needs. I am able to satisfy my curiosities and interests. If I’m in the mood to try a particular restaurant or see a particular sight, then I can! If I feel like taking an afternoon nap, then no one is there to complain about me missing out on something I could be doing. I also don’t have to do the traditional bar or club scene that many gravitate toward because I don’t enjoy it and I don’t want to. The freedom associated with solo travel is wonderful and I think everyone should take vacations by themselves if they so choose.

Traveling Is Wonderful, but Can Also Be Draining for HSPs

Now traveling can be overwhelming and stressful, especially if you are highly sensitive. We are more likely to be easily overwhelmed and overstimulated by external stimuli, and that can be more prevalent when we travel. For example, it is never fun to be in a crowded airport full of irritated people while you’re waiting in long lines with bright overhead lights and surrounded by all kinds of different noise.

Then, you are in a new, unfamiliar place. It can be hard to get your bearings. You are outside of your comfort zone. Travel fatigue can set in and drain you of your energy.

But that doesn’t have to be the case. I love to travel solo and think it’s for everyone. There are ways that travel can be enjoyable, and these are some things that help me.

5 Solo Travel Tips for Highly Sensitive People

1. Create an itinerary ahead of time.

When I have a plan ahead of time, that helps soothe my nerves when I get anxious about going somewhere new. When I am researching a new place, I make a list of interests and restaurants that I want to visit when I’m there. Then I create a schedule, based on proximity (most of the time), so I don’t overexert myself going from one part of town to the other.

Also within my itinerary, I can build a routine. HSPs love having a routine because we are comforted by familiarity. Maybe that means I go to the same restaurant or coffee shop for breakfast. I did this when I was in Belize. I learned the names of the owners of a cafe and they learned mine. so it felt like I was visiting friends each morning.

2. Bring your HSP essentials, including noise-cancelling headphones, earplugs, and snacks.

There are a few things that I have to bring with me to make my vacation more comfortable. What you need to bring will vary based on where you are traveling. But the three things I have to have are: a pair of noise-cancelling headphones, earplugs, and snacks.

The noise-cancelling headphones come in handy for the plane. That way, I can usually do a little binge-watching of my current TV obsession on my iPad or chill out to some of my favorite music. It also politely sends the nonverbal message that I am not in the mood for small talk.

Earplugs are brought along just in case. Hopefully, they won’t be needed, but you never know. The hotel or vacation rental you are staying in may have noisy guests or thin walls or have a lot of street noise coming in from outside. It’s better to have the earplugs and not need them rather than needing them and not having them.

Lastly, you have to have snacks to stave off getting “hangry” (when you get hungry + angry). Highly sensitive people can be particularly cranky when our blood sugar dips due to hunger. I usually have granola bars or peanut butter crackers at the bottom of my purse to fight off the irritability that comes when I’m not eating on schedule.

3. Visit places during off-peak times.

Depending on where I am, there are times when I want to visit places that are on the more “touristy” side. That means those kinds of places are going to be more crowded. I do not thrive in situations where there are throngs of people. It’s just too much stimulation for my sensitive soul.

So the best thing to do is to schedule my visit earlier in the day or within an hour of closing time. That typically means the crowds are smaller and I’m less likely to be overwhelmed by a ton of people around.

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4. Rest — it’s a necessity, especially for highly sensitive people.

Take as much time as you need to get away and decompress. Highly sensitive people need to build in downtime to process all that we have seen and done. That means fighting the urge to do something all of the time.

This can be hard for me. When I’m in a new place and unsure of when I will be back, I feel like I need to get in as much as I can. But that kind of mindset is detrimental to my well-being because it can easily wear me out. And even if I manage to get in a lot of activities, I’m not likely to enjoy them because I’m exhausted. So we must pace ourselves and build periods of rest to recharge. Personally, I love to sit at a farmers’ market and people-watch while having a snack.

Also, HSPs need sleep. We can’t function if we are sleep-deprived and exhausted. So I need a full night’s sleep to be energized enough for another day of exploring (sometimes, I will take a nap in the middle of the day, if necessary). So usually when I travel, I call it in early. And since no one is with me, I don’t have to deal with someone trying to keep me up to go to a bar or a club because that’s the “fun” thing to do. (I have plenty of fun, believe me!)

5. Walk around, particularly in nature.

It’s important to get outside and walk around, whether you are on vacation or not. Nature is rejuvenating and healing, especially to the sensitive soul. When we are outside, we are improving our physical, emotional, and cognitive health.

A study of 20,000 people confirmed that spending 120 minutes a week in green space — local parks or other natural environments, either all at once or spaced over several visits — were substantially more likely to report good health and psychological well-being than those who don’t. So when you are traveling, find a city park or public garden to visit on a consistent basis — have lunch there, take a walk or jog, or read on a blanket. Your body will be grateful.

Solo travel can be an exciting, transformative experience. You discover a lot about yourself when you do it. I’m always excited for the next trip I will take. And if you do it in a way that suits your HSP needs, then travel is a really rewarding adventure.

Fellow HSPS, what travel tips would you add to the list? Feel free to comment below!

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Why Highly Sensitive People Can’t Watch the News That Often

Courtney Barnes — Mon, 18 Oct 2021 13:00:00 +0000

Although sensitive people can’t control the chaos of a 24-hour sensational news cycle, you can control your participation in it.

It’s important to know what’s going on in the world, both locally and nationally. I like to stay informed and know what is going on. But I’ve had to significantly decrease the amount of news that I watch, especially this past year — the seemingly endless cycle of depressing news weighs heavily on me.

As a highly sensitive person (HSP), the news can be a source of anxiety and sadness. And I’m not the only one who feels this way. According to a survey by Digital Third Coast, 65 percent and 67 percent of respondents reported feeling overwhelmed and burnt out by the news respectively.

The topics discussed are rarely positive — the common news program is full of stories that are sensational, negative, and geared towards shocking the viewer, which is depressing. When I turn on the news, it is usually a continual swarm of death, graphic depictions, natural disasters, shootings, violence, and the like — which is overwhelming for HSPs. It seems like the newscaster regularly announces warnings of the graphic depictions that are going to be displayed. Taking all that in is of no benefit to me and my sensitive soul. Sometimes, it’s just too much to deal with. So the best thing to do is to cut back, and here’s why.

Two Reasons to Cut Back on the News as an HSP

1. It may cause your overthinking mind to spiral.

As a sensitive person, I am a deep thinker by nature. I will mull over even the most mundane things. But deep thinking can turn into overthinking, which can be exhausting.

Even though most news stories are only a couple of minutes long, the stories stay with me much longer. I’ll start ruminating about what was just broadcast. If there was a string of robberies in a neighborhood (that may or may not be near where I live), then I’ll start worrying if my property is safe. If someone was mugged, then I’ll wonder if it’s safe for me to be outside.

And it seems others have the same habits as I do. A study shows that negative news can contribute to worrisome thoughts and the exacerbation of personal worries. So I have to do what I can to reduce this problem, and that may mean turning the TV off (or at least changing it to something light-hearted, like a classic sitcom).

2. It may cause your emotions to get out of whack.

My emotions can’t handle a repeated cycle of bad news. As an HSP, I process things more deeply than others. The emotions I feel can be more intense than most. So the negative news impacts me more than the average person. Many can just watch and go on about their day, no big deal. But I can’t. (Sometimes I wish I could).

When I see a story about a “porch pirate” stealing packages from someone, I’m extra frustrated for the person who lost their property. When there’s a story about children being mistreated or subjected to violence, tears form in my eyes when the family members are interviewed. (It’s similar to how we HSPs are sensitive to violent movies; the news is like a real-life violent movie.)

When there is another mass shooting, my heart aches for the lives lost. When there’s another police shooting of an unarmed Black person, I feel a tornado of hopelessness, frustration, sadness, and despair. Since we sensitive types typically absorb other people’s emotions, I feel the emotions of the story as if they were my own — and that is a lot to handle. Unfortunately, it is easier for me to get caught in a swirl of negative emotions and become overwhelmed by them.

Being sensitive is not a bad thing. It’s a wonderful thing how deeply we can feel… but it can also be overwhelming to the point of being detrimental to our nervous system. When things are good, it’s like being on cloud nine. But when things are bad, it sucks. (Science backs it up). So I have to do what I can in order to keep my emotions level, and that means changing the channel.

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How HSPs Can Watch the News Mindfully

Over time, there are a few things I’ve started doing that lessen the harsh impact that comes from watching the news. After all, self-care is very important for those of us who are highly sensitive.

Evaluate your feelings beforehand to see if you’re in the right space for the news. Before I turn on the news, I do a self-check. Am I in the right space, mentally and emotionally, to watch the news? That answer will vary based on how my day went. If my work day was stressful and I need to decompress, then I know I’m not in the right headspace to watch the news, and I won’t. If I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, due to lack of sleep or discomfort, then I shouldn’t turn on the morning news because that will, more than likely, set a negative tone for the day. Now, I don’t have to feel 100 percent positive in order to watch the news, but if I’m feeling stressed, worried, or annoyed, then I know I should limit my news intake or not watch it at all that day.

Reduce the amount of news you watch. Like many things in life, the key is moderation. I won’t watch the news every day. Plus, I find it repetitive (especially if I watch it in the morning and the evening). So instead of taking in a steady stream of bad news, I now find that 2-3 times per week is better-suited for me. I also set time limits for my news consumption: I usually stick with one 30-minute news program instead of watching back-to-back programs on different channels. I’ve found that this greatly reduces my HSP overstimulation.

Skim the news online instead of watching long news programs. Some days, maybe I just need to read the headlines. So skimming the news online is a quick and easy way to inform myself of what is happening. If it’s a good headline, then that’ll tell me all I need to know. If I want to know more, I’ll explore that story more.

Watch local news instead of national programs. The type of news that I’m watching matters, too. So much of the news is infused with opinions that are fear-based, politically motivated, anxiety-driven, or just flat-out nonsensical. I don’t need that — I just need the facts. I can form my own opinion. I find that my local news stations are the best source of unbiased information.

All in All, It’s About Taking Care of Yourself

It’s easy to get caught up in a swirl of bad news. In order to combat the negative emotions that swell up within me, I need to take a proactive approach to making sure I’m healthy. So I need to do what brings me joy: exercise regularly, relax through restorative yoga, cook, listen to my favorite music, get outside, and so on. The negative emotions don’t hit as hard if I’m in a healthy space. It’s important to figure out which self-soothing tactics work for you.

These days, I’m working on finding a balance. I don’t want to be ignorant of what is going on in the world, but I have to do what I can to protect my mental and emotional health. I can’t control the chaos of a 24-hour sensational news cycle, but I can control my participation in it. I hope others who are highly sensitive will do the same.

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How George Floyd’s Death Impacted Me as a Black HSP

Courtney Barnes — Mon, 22 Jun 2020 13:00:39 +0000

I feel everything deeply. How can I watch a man die for nine minutes?

The news is generally depressing. (When have you ever seen a news program — local or national — open with something positive?) Every now and then, there may be a positive story thrown in at the end, but it certainly isn’t the norm. Lately, however, the news has been particularly rough.

Especially for someone who is not only Black, but a highly sensitive person (HSP).

The continual swarm of stories showing racism’s impact on Black people weighs heavy on my heart as a sensitive Black woman. Seeing someone’s life being violently taken by those who are supposed to serve and protect (Eric Garner), or by those who think they have some inherent right to enforce law and order by being judge, jury, and executioner (Ahmaud Arbery) is horrifying.

These instances are not just happening to Black men — they’re happening to Black children (Tamir Rice) and Black women (Sandra Bland, Breonna Taylor), too. It happens in my own backyard (Michael Brown). It happens just about anywhere in the United States. No one is immune to these circumstances.

But the video of George Floyd’s murder was especially traumatic.

How Can I Watch a Man Die for Nine Minutes?

I saw parts of the video, but I didn’t want to watch the whole thing. As a highly sensitive person — someone who processes information deeply and can be overwhelmed by intense situations — the brief parts that I have seen caused an intense physical reaction in my body. I cringed and winced as if my heart were being ripped to shreds and stomped.

And that reaction happens every single time a clip is played on the news. I have to change the channel or mute it and look away. Time passing does not make it less impactful. I don’t know how anyone looks at it. How can I watch a man die for nine minutes? No one should have their life choked out of them — or have to watch such a thing — but it’s especially hard for me to stomach.

I care deeply but I can’t watch it. It hurts too much.

This Is What Racism Does to a Sensitive Mind

Being highly sensitive, I tend to feel things more than the average person. Highly sensitive people feel more emotional in response to both positive and negative events.

It’s definitely a beautiful thing when something wonderful happens — a simple moment of kindness and love fills my heart and makes my day. I’m captivated by beautiful architecture and can look at it for hours. Being outdoors in perfect weather makes me feel at peace. When I eat really good food my stomach and soul sing! But when it’s bad, it’s really bad.

When I see something traumatic, my mind goes into a downward spiral of negativity that takes over my thoughts, my emotions, and my soul. I replay it in my mind ad nauseam and it isn’t easy to turn off. I don’t — and can’t — just let things go. Of course, that might be true for any HSP, but as a Black HSP I know the violence is directed at those who look like me.

Then I start overthinking…

Oh boy, do I start overthinking.

The ‘Blessing and Curse’ of My Overthinking

What a blessing and a curse that can be! Generally speaking, as a highly sensitive person and overthinker, I have the benefit of a rich inner world full of imagination, fantasies, and daydreams. I like being at home lost in my thoughts. It’s hardly ever boring. I can keep myself entertained for a long time in my head: Me, myself, and I have a good time!

But that can also lead to a dark place when heavy issues (death, confrontation, hateful people) weigh on my heart and soul. It’s just so depressing and traumatic when yet another unarmed Black life is violently taken. It just seems that Black skin is feared and the response is to overreact because we are seen as a threat: Extreme deadly force is seen as the appropriate response. And when I start to think about that, that’s when the spiraling in my head starts. It can feel like a tornado of destructive, negative thoughts swirling inside me. And when it shows up, I know it’s going to camp out for a while.

A sampling of this inner dialogue: “Why didn’t the officer let his knee up? How heartless and cold do you have to be to drain the life out of another when he says he can’t breathe? Seriously, what is wrong with that guy? And why didn’t the other officers intervene? What about my brothers? What about their safety? Or any of my family members? What about me? What if I have children? How will I tell them how to be safe when it comes to these matters? And at what age do I tell them? What good will it do anyway? Will our country’s problems with racism ever be resolved? Probably not, but don’t be so negative, Courtney. But how? Legislation can help but it can’t change hearts, so what do we do? When will it be better? Will it ever be better? What are we going to do? What can I do?”

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Is There Still a Space for Hope?

My mind and heart are a mixed bag of feelings. I am an idealist, but I’m also pragmatic. I want to hope for a better future, but I want to be realistic. And, yes, I know there may be some good coming out of this killing, but it shouldn’t have taken someone’s life to be a springboard for change.

That being said, I am heartened for many reasons: the realization that issues need to be addressed ; messages of support for change and unity; necessary conversations that are taking place at a national and local level; people taking the blinders off of their privilege and being committed to growth; interest and support of black-owned businesses; commitment to hearing the perspectives of Black people and other POC; acts of service to restore and rebuild; art that inspires hope and love and so on.

Conversely, I’m also sickened by other people’s cruel dismissiveness to the hard issues of racism and change. There are still unmoved hearts and, from many, an unwillingness to listen; a stone cold heartlessness in response to grief; a tendency to twist our intentions to fit political ideologies; a continuous argument on social media platforms; a proliferation of half-truths, conspiracy theories, and general nonsense — all excuses to devalue someone’s life.

As an HSP who is very aware of the racism that happens in our country, existing right now feels like swinging on a pendulum. Where will we, as a nation, end up? And how is my mind going to wade through all of this tomorrow? I guess, we’ll see.

But going forward, there are small steps I can take as a highly sensitive person to participate and help bring about change. I can:

Educate myself and look into causes to support, particularly at a local level
Realize that it’s okay if my activism doesn’t look like everyone else’s
Avoid the comment section on stories and social media platforms
Support more Black-owned businesses in my city
Take more time to write about my feelings
Take breaks when I feel myself getting overwhelmed and not to punish myself with guilt about needing to do so (easier said than done, I know, but necessary).

Where we go as a nation is a looming question right now. But it’s one that will be determined by our own actions today — including those of us who are stressed out, torn, weary, and exhausted. I hope we can move forward towards positive changes. No matter what our personality types, we can make an impact — even those of us who are highly sensitive. Our contributions are just as vital as anyone else’s, even if they are not always as overt. And one of our greatest contributions is our empathy. Empathy is exactly what those officers were missing. And right now, the world needs it more than ever.

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Featured image credit: Mural of George Floyd by artists Tasia Valliant, Jenna Morgan, and Patman, located at 2141 Rue Grand Trunk, Montréal, Canada; photograph by Olivier Collet.

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