Have you ever felt as though you might not actually be as sensitive as you thought you were because your personality doesn’t fit the typical description to a tee? For example, perhaps you’ve never been much of a crier. Or perhaps you actually have a high tolerance to pain and other physical stimuli. If so, you’re certainly not alone. HSPs come in all sorts of different forms and we have a beautiful variety of personalities. 

In the past few years, I’ve been committed to learning more about myself through multiple avenues. (Yes, I’m that friend who is constantly talking about astrology and personality tests to understand people and our inner motivations.) I think that self-discovery is particularly valuable for HSPs to unlearn many of the misconceptions we’re fed about our traits, get in touch with our many strengths, and learn how we can grow.  

By far, the typing system I’ve found the easiest to understand is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). If you can relate to the opening statement, you might benefit from understanding how sensitivity might manifest differently depending on your particular personality type. 

All 16 personality types can be highly sensitive people. Yes, even the Thinkers!

What Is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? 

The MBTI is a self-report inventory designed to identify a person’s personality type. It was developed in the 1940S by Isabel Briggs Myers. According to the MBTI system, there are sixteen unique personality types. All 16 types can be highly sensitive people. (Yes, even the thinkers!) Each of these personality types is defined according to its “preferences” in how it sees, and interacts with, the world.

The Preferences That Define Each Personality Type

According to the MBTI system, each type has a preference in four specific areas:

• Prefers to focus on either the inner world (Introversion) or outer world (Extroversion)
• Prefers to focus on on objective information (Sensing) or abstract meaning (Intuition) 
• Prefers to make decisions based on logic and consistency (Thinking) or people and special circumstances (Feeling)
• Prefers to deal with the world decisively (Judging) or by remaining open to possibilities (Perceiving)

Your personality type is represented by four letters, depending on what your preferences are. For example, if you are extroverted (E), prefer to focus on objective information you can sense (S), base your decisions on people and feelings (F), and prefer to remain open to new possibilities (P), your personality type is ESFP. 

Based on the preferences alone, many people make assumptions about which personality types tend to be more sensitive. While it’s true that HSPs may be over-represented in certain types, it’s important to remember that sensitivity is just one personality trait; it doesn’t determine the entirety of a person’s nature. 

And, sensitivity often comes out in ways that aren’t stereotypical. For example, high sensitivity is stereotypically associated with caretaking roles and the arts. But the deep processing HSPs do is just as useful in math or the sciences, where it allows for breakthroughs other people don’t think of. Thus, Thinkers and Feelers — and all the other types — can be be highly sensitive people; they just “do” their sensitivity a little differently.

As mentioned, learning more about your personality type can remind you of your special gifts.   Together, we’ll explore why each and every personality type is essential to the well-being of our world and how sensitivity affects them. 

A great, user-friendly resource for anyone seeking to learn more about the MBTI is through 16personalities.com. There, the personality types are divided into four different categories — the Analysts, Diplomats, Sentinels, and Explorers. Below, I’ll take you through the MBTI types through the lens of these four types, answering questions such as: What are their strengths and weaknesses? And how does sensitivity manifest for them? 

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The Analysts as Highly Sensitive People

These amazingly rational people share a preference for both intuition and thinking. They’re known to listen to their heads over their hearts. Because they are so strategic and logical, many assume that analysts are robotic. However, nothing could be further from the truth. These people are brilliant creators who are passionate about standing up for what they believe in. 

INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging)

INTJs are also known as The Architects — how fitting! They are one of the rarer types, making up 1-4 percent of the population. They are astute and imaginative. That being said, they deal with their fair share of social struggles. For instance, they value the truth over fluffy social norms, like small talk. If something doesn’t make sense to them, they will tell you that. 

My sister is an INTJ and I do believe she’s sensitive, too. She’s a natural-born engineer with an artistic flair. She loves soulful music, makes awesome clay sculptures, and uses her observational humor to make the people around her laugh. 

Seeing as HSPs love to get lost in their rich inner lives, highly sensitive INTJs are likely to cherish their time alone with their creative hobbies. They might love building train sets or doing other activities that encourage them to use their unmatched logic and artistry. They’re the analytical sort of HSP that will never let a single detail escape their attention, due to their depth of processing. Mozart is said to have been both an HSP and INTJ.   

INTP (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving) 

INTPs, also known as The Logicians, are quick-witted and unique. They represent anywhere from 3-5 percent of the population. They love to lose themselves in theories of all sorts — scientific, philosophical, and beyond. There’s no territory they won’t explore. They prefer to focus on big ideas rather than details. Logicians have a reputation for being extremely reserved; however, they tend to get really close to a select few — usually, those who share their penchant for thinking outside the box. One of my best friends is an INTP and I adore our colorful discussions about… everything! 

A highly sensitive INTP would be delightfully unique. Like their other analyst cousins, INTP HSPs might enjoy intellectually challenging hobbies as part of their inner life, like reading or puzzles. They are also likely to deal with overwhelm from lots of social interaction, which can make them seem aloof and distant. In reality, though, they are extremely responsive to people’s needs, constantly seeking to help others solve their problems with their inventive minds. 

ENTJ (Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging)

An ENTJ personality type is also known as The Commander — and they’re the second rarest personality type, representing around 2 percent of the population. Decisive, ambitious, and results-oriented, everyone wants an ENTJ on their team. Not only can they get a job done effectively, but they do it in style. They are known to be particularly charismatic, making them effortless networkers and great leaders. 

A highly sensitive ENTJ would use their empathy to create genuine, mutually beneficial  connections with others. In the workplace, they would use their deep understanding of people to lead their team to success. They are likely to represent the HSP tendency to be conscientious and detail-oriented. At the same time, they provide the perfect support for the success of their loved ones. Want to get a perfect score on your exam? Call your HSP ENTJ friend to help you make cue cards. Barbara Streisand may be a great example of the highly sensitive ENTJ. 

ENTP (Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving)

ENTPs, also known as The Debaters, make up about 3 percent of the population. They use their quick-witted humor to make people laugh. However, although they’re known to make jokes at other people’s expense, it’s all in good fun. ENTPs are known to be contrarian, but they certainly aren’t mean-spirited — they simply won’t follow the rules for the sake of conforming. They stand up for what they believe in. My dad is an ENTP and his non-conformist attitude was evident from an early age. (Maybe that’s where I get it from.)

The highly sensitive ENTP fights the stereotype that sensitivity makes people weak. These people will stand up for themselves — and the causes that they’re passionate about, even if their stance goes against the status quo. Stan Lee is said to be a highly sensitive ENTP. 

The Diplomats as Highly Sensitive People

These caring, compassionate people are traditionally associated with sensitivity. They tend to be over-represented in the online HSP world. They are naturally concerned about the well-being of others and strive to maintain harmony around them. They have the power to make a difference with their empathy and desire to help people. They share a preference for intuition and feeling. 

INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging) 

INFJs, or The Advocates, are actually the rarest personality type, representing only 1-3 percent of the population. Despite there being so few of them in the world, tons of INFJs identify as highly sensitive, and they have made a huge impact in the world. They are artists, writers, civil rights activists, and more. No matter what they do, there tends to be a deep meaning behind their actions.  

Highly sensitive INFJs want purpose in their lives, which is why they might be drawn to creative outlets, like art, music, and storytelling. They are also known to be fearless defenders of the underdogs in society. For example, Martin Luther King Jr. was apparently a highly sensitive INFJ. 

INFP (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving)

I’m an INFP, the personality type also known as The Mediator. INFPs make up about 4 percent of the population. We are seekers, constantly striving to find our place in the world. Unfortunately, it’s easy for us to feel lost. Like our INFJ cousins, we want a sense of purpose in everything we do. Many of us end up being creatives and also thrive in the caring professions. 

Being an INFP and HSP tends to go hand-in-hand. The highly sensitive INFP is likely to be very empathetic and responsive to the emotional needs of others. People likely feel very comfortable opening up to them, as they know the INFP will listen non-judgmentally. Though these people are gentle and unassuming, they are ready to stand up for what they believe in. Princess Diana was allegedly a highly sensitive INFP.  

ENFJ (Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging)

ENFJs are rightfully nicknamed The Protagonists. This personality type makes up about 2.5 percent of the population. They often feel called to a deeper purpose and have such a special way of going after what they want. They have the gift of motivating and inspiring others without coming off as pushy or controlling. And, they strive to make a big difference in the world, leading in a charismatic, nurturing way. Interestingly, they are over-represented in the world of social media stardom. 

The highly sensitive ENFJ has such a gift for forming deep, authentic relationships with people and they may become known as the “mom friend” in their social circles. They not only seek to accomplish their life purpose, but they have the power to inspire others to achieve their dreams, too. They are natural caregivers and their loved ones typically appreciate them deeply. 

ENFP (Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving) 

ENFPs are also known as The Campaigners. They make up around 8 percent of the population. They have light, sunny spirits that uplift everyone around them. They also have a curious, gregarious nature that has them dipping their fingers into every pie. ENFPs seek purpose and meaningful connections in their lives and can actually be quite spiritual. 

Many ENFPs identify as highly sensitive. They are empathetic, non-judgmental, and seek meaning in life. In addition, ENFPs tend to be very expressive, making them talented creators. They are known to be natural helpers, as well, which is why so many of them can be found working as social workers, teachers, and childcare professionals. Highly entertaining and empathic, highly sensitive ENFPs can sense an unhappy person from miles away and will do all they can to uplift them. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

The Sentinels as Highly Sensitive People

Sensitivity tends to come easily for this remarkable group of people. They strive to maintain order in their world and value security. They create a safe place for everyone they interact with. Sentinels all share a preference for sensing and judging. They love physical comfort and all the pleasures of a safe, snug home — and they know just how to create that for themselves and others.

ISTJ (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging)

ISTJs are also known as The Logisticians. They make up a large portion of the population — approximately 11 percent — and make the world go around with their commitment to getting things done. They are practical, down-to-earth, and even-keeled, even when they’re faced with an emergency. 

Highly sensitive ISTJs might not be outwardly “gushy,” but they show their love through acts of service. They often feel responsible for keeping their loved ones comfortable and will do their due diligence in order to never let others down. These HSPs tend to be particularly sensitive to their environment, too, seeing as they have a preference for sensing. To avoid the discomfort of the unknown, they tend to plan each and every step. They can be quite averse to change or risk. And, using their gift for empathy, they strive to make sure no one else has to feel uncomfortable around them. 

ISFJ (Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging)

ISFJs, also known as The Defenders, are everyone’s go-to comfort blanket and make up 9-14 percent of the population. I have the privilege of being close to two ISFJs — my mother and fiancé. These are caring, compassionate people with a love of tradition and a gift for making everyone feel safe and cared for. 

It’s very common for ISFJs to identify as HSPs. Both their minds and bodies are sensitive to their environments, and they notice all the subtleties around them. They likely have a flair for decorating and making practical creations, like furniture or knitted pieces. They put their talents to use during their much-needed alone time. My mother — who is both highly sensitive and an ISFJ — is a gifted woodworker. She has created multiple pieces that my finacé and I enjoy every day (our bedside tables, our coat hook, and our outdoor bench, to name a few). Bob Ross is thought to be a highly sensitive person and ISFJ, too. 

ESTJ (Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging)

ESTJ, also known as The Executive, represents about 13 percent of the population. They are results-oriented, ambitious, and successful, which are great qualities that are, unfortunately, not typically associated with sensitivity (though sensitivity can actually help us reach our goals). Many political leaders share this personality type, which shows their refusal to back down from a challenge. So how do these traits show up in an HSP? 

The highly sensitive ESTJ is highly principled. For example, they follow through on their promises, so as to avoid affecting others negatively, and they expect the same from people in their lives. They tend to be detail-oriented, competent, and love to plan ahead. Like the other HSP sentinels, ESTJs don’t tend to love new experiences, because of their cautious nature, but they make up for their lack of spontaneity with their ability to make everyone feel safe in their strong, protective presence. Courtney Cox thinks of herself as highly sensitive and she’s an ESTJ. 

ESFJ (Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging) 

ESFJs are nicknamed Consuls. They make up about 12 percent of the population. They are responsible individuals who love to serve others and give back to their communities. They are also gifted at making people feel special, with personalized gifts and gestures, and they take it very personally when their efforts to celebrate loved ones are not appreciated. 

Highly sensitive ESFJs are the ideal host and know how to show their loved ones a great time. They pay very close attention to detail and their great empathic skills give them the ability to make anyone feel better when they’re down. Dolly Parton is a great example of someone who’s likely a highly sensitive ESFJ, as her screen presence can be likened to a warm hug. 

The Explorers as Highly Sensitive People

Explorers are special people who feel effortlessly comfortable in situations that tend to fill the rest of us with fear. They love trying new things, don’t sweat the small stuff, and love to live life to the fullest. Though traditional learning and work environments present a challenge for them, when they discover their strengths and learn to carve a niche out for themselves, they unlock tremendous power. Eventually, when they do what makes them happy, they can learn to deal with the monotonous parts of life. And they share a preference for sensing and perceiving. 

ISTP (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving) 

The ISTP, also known as The Virtuoso, represents about 5 percent of the population. They love to explore the world around them through first-hand experience, experimentation, and troubleshooting. ISTPs have mechanical abilities, and love working with machines and using their hands. At first glance, they may appear much like a calm-steady sentinel. But when you get to know them more closely, you might find that they have a ton of impulsive energy inside them just waiting to be released. 

For example, a highly sensitive ISTP might use their excellent problem-solving skills to help loved ones get through challenging times. Not only do they have brilliant troubleshooting skills, but they are able to remain calm — even in extremely stressful situations — making them a safe haven during a crisis. These HSPs might escape the stresses of everyday life by doing something active, like exercising, or making something with their hands. Kristen Stewart may be a highly sensitive ISTP with her extremely calm, cool, and collected energy. 

ISFP (Introverted, Sensing, Feeling Perceiving)

If you were to ask who the artists of the MBTI are, most people would say it’s ISFPs, who make up about 9 percent of the population. These unique people are extremely creative and imaginative, and love to express the impressions they pick up from their environments. They’re known to have artistic talent and love exploring the world in search of inspiration. 

So it’s no surprise that many ISFPs are highly sensitive. There’s a lot of overlap between ISFPs, artists, and HSPs. The highly sensitive ISFP will have a deep appreciation for the arts, whether that means written works, film, music, or the fine arts. They are so lovely to be around, too, because of their warmth and open-mindedness, yet they are still introverts and need to recharge after social interaction. Because they love to please their loved ones so much by gracing them with their immaculate vibes, they might find themselves burnt out and neglect their own needs. These HSPs do well when they master self-care. Artist Frida Kahlo was likely a highly sensitive ISFP. 

ESTP (Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving)

The ESTP, also known as The Entrepreneur, represents approximately 4 percent of the population. They have everything it takes to dive into a business idea and make it happen, on account of their penchant for risk-taking. They are intrigued by unexplored territory, too, like their other Explorer cousins.

A highly sensitive ESTP has all the tools to be extremely successful in their business ventures. They do best in sectors that involve helping others. In business, they can put their understanding of others, and heightened senses, to great use. Their sensitivity will help them empathize with their clients to decipher their needs. And their curious, risk-loving natures defy stereotypes about HSPs being overly fearful. Angelina Jolie may be an example of this dynamic type of HSP. 

ESFP (Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving) 

ESFP is also known as The Entertainer. These extremely charming people make up about 9 percent of the population. They are made for the spotlight with their unmatched aesthetic sense and their dazzling personalities. They are the fashionistas, the performers, and the visionaries. 

The highly sensitive ESFP is extremely magnetic, as they have this ability to draw people in without even opening their mouths to speak. They know how to make others feel good, and because of their HSP tendency to be a people-pleaser, they use this ability often. Marilyn Monroe is an iconic example of someone who was likely a highly sensitive ESFP. 

So, can you identify with your MBTI type? Let us know in the comments!

You might like:

• 13 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Extrovert
• How Sensitive Is Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type?
• How to (Actually) Find Your Purpose as a Highly Sensitive Person

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post What Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type Looks Like as an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

We go into relationships expecting the joy of unconditional love. However, sometimes we leave them feeling afraid to love ever again. 

Like many people, I’ve found myself in a toxic relationship before. Now, with just a few more years of experience under my belt, the warning signs that presented themselves at the time seem so obvious. Sometimes I beat myself up for having been so blind, but I’ve realized that it’s pretty common to ignore the signs of a toxic relationship — especially when you’re craving love and acceptance. 

Toxic relationships are dangerous because, most of the time, we don’t realize we’re in one until it feels too late to leave. Unfortunately, highly sensitive people (HSPs) can be more vulnerable to unhealthy dynamics. How so? First, let’s look at the traits of a sensitive person so we can better understand why they may be more likely to fall for toxic relationships.

The Science Behind High Sensitivity

Everyone is sensitive to a degree, but some people are more so than others. Almost one-third, approximately 30 percent of people, are innately more sensitive — both physically and emotionally. (While around 40 percent of people are average in sensitivity, 20 percent are low in sensitivity.) To researchers, this is referred to as environmental sensitivity — or Sensory Processing Sensitivity. And all three levels of environmental sensitivity are considered to be completely healthy and normal.

As far as highly sensitive people (HSPs) are concerned, they fall near the high end of the sensitivity continuum. They’re known for their high levels of empathy, easily absorb others’ emotions and feelings, and are deep thinkers. They are also very in tune with their physical environment — they pick up on everything from light sensitivity to chemical sensitivity. In addition, they may be more sensitive than others to noises, textures, and other everyday factors that don’t seem to affect non-HSPs. While being a sensitive person doesn’t just “go away,” HSPs can learn to manage their environments in order to make them less overwhelming.

Some researchers think high sensitivity is linked to giftedness, as well. And while sensitive people are highly intuitive, because they have such a strong sense of empathy, they can easily end up in toxic relationships more so than others. Here are a few reasons why.

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5 Reasons Why Highly Sensitive People Keep Falling for Toxic Relationships

1. They are naturally caring and give of themselves freely. 

Since HSPs are open books and there for others unconditionally, some people, like narcissists,  may take advantage of their kindness — they can sniff out an empathic giver from miles away. Of course, the HSP gives them the benefit of the doubt… and it can take a while before they realize the person causes more harm than good in their lives.

2. They tend to get into codependent relationships. 

The highly sensitive person’s ability to tune in to other people’s emotions can make them an ideal partner, but their empathy can be a breeding ground for codependency. Codependency usually begins in childhood, when we aren’t taught to differentiate from the self and other people. The child internalizes their parents’ emotions as their own and takes it upon themselves to detect, and remedy, their negative emotions. When this sort of enmeshment continues into adulthood, you might find it difficult to set healthy boundaries in your relationships. Or you might find that your happiness is dependent on your partner’s moods or behaviors. This sort of dynamic robs both partners of their individuality, which can lead to tons of resentment. 

3. Their perfectionistic tendencies can make them doubt their self-worth. 

Conscientiousness is a common character trait among highly sensitive people. In some cases, conscientiousness can escalate into perfectionism, the compulsive need to seek perfection in everything we do. Perfectionism is praised in our society, since it can help us create top-notch results. But it can wreak havoc in our personal lives. American research professor and author Brené Brown puts it perfectly. She’s said: “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.” 

In terms of relationships, perfectionism can stop us from taking flight because our high standards can cause us to believe that we aren’t good enough to be loved unconditionally or accepted. This is dangerous in several ways. Others can detect our lack of self-worth and use it to mistreat us. Even with a loving partner in a healthy relationship, questioning our worth can make it difficult to receive the love that we need and deserve. 

4. Due to their intense emotions, relationship hiccups can feel catastrophic.

Everyone becomes a bit reactive when they get overwhelmed; relationships are overwhelming by nature. Sharing your life with someone, dealing with another person’s quirks, and resolving conflict can cause lots of extra stress for anyone (sensitive or not). Depth of processing is an identifying trait of the highly sensitive personality. As a result, our life experiences have a more intense effect on us. 

What might seem like a minor relationship hiccup can feel catastrophic for you, and you may react more strongly than others, which can cause further conflict. In addition, you may have a low tolerance to reactivity from your partners. It might be extremely disturbing to deal with someone raising their voice, crying, or expressing anger. After all, HSPs are not good with receiving criticism.

5. Conflict aversion can make it hard for them to enforce boundaries.

Most of us learn through rom-coms — and even modeling from our parents — that a “perfect” love story doesn’t require boundaries. Ideally, we spend every waking moment with our partners and are fully in sync with them at all times… Right?! 

In reality, however, boundaries are an important foundation of a healthy relationship. Sometimes setting boundaries involves a degree of conflict. In fact, there are four renowned stages of a relationship — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling — and the conflict stage is an essential one. 

As HSPs, we might try to avoid this ritualistic part of sharing our life with another person. As mentioned in the last point, conflict can be particularly distressing to us, and we might use behaviors like people-pleasing to get away from it. As a result, we may not set healthy boundaries or make our needs known. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

Recognizing That You’re in a Toxic Relationship

Now that you know some of the reasons why HSPs may be more likely to enter into toxic relationships than non-HSPS, you may be wondering how to recognize that you’re actually in one.

When I think back to an unhealthy partnership I experienced several years ago, five clues in particular stand out to me. If you notice any of these patterns in your romantic relationships — or with friends or colleagues at work — it might be time to get the support you need, and, if needed, exit the situation. 

5 Signs That You’re in a Toxic Relationship

1. They try to control you, like what you wear.

I always thought it was cute that my ex cared so much about what I wore (though I was uncomfortable with the way he voiced his preferences). My style is an eclectic medley of granny chic, cottagecore, hippie, Y2K, and whimsigothic. (Hopefully, that paints a clear picture in your mind.) I loved my personal style, but my ex did not. He was more into form-fitting athletic wear, and he would make it a point to admire any lovely lady in public sporting that style. 

I have no problem with a partner noticing an attractive person (before quickly averting their eyes back to the light of their life — me), but my ex’s wandering eye was brazen and offensive. When I confronted him on the topic, he explained that he hated everything I wore and that I couldn’t expect him not to stare at other women if I didn’t try to attract his attention with my clothes. “Fine,” I thought. “I could change a thing or two.”

For over two years, I would closely curate the clothes I wore around my then-boyfriend, for fear of receiving a nasty comment about how dowdy or ugly I looked. Other changes followed, like giving up my signature fragrance (Infusion d’Iris by Prada — now discontinued). He also constantly pestered me to get extensions. 

I thought nothing of all these things until I spoke to a friend who seemed horrified. She told me that I was being manipulated and my partner was trying to plummet my self-esteem so he could control me. I immediately agreed, knowing she was right.

Are you in a situation where your partner feels the need to control a certain aspect of your life? Perhaps they need to know where you are at all times. Maybe they decide they don’t like your friends and isolate you as a result. Controlling behavior doesn’t have to be forceful or even aggressive. It’s more likely to be subtle and manipulative. Common signs of controlling behavior include using guilt as a tool, conditional love, denying you alone time, disrespecting your “no,” belittling you, and sabotaging your goals. 

2. They don’t respect you.

Love is not all it takes to maintain a relationship. All of your relationships should be based on mutual respect. If you sense a consistent lack of respect from your partner, this is a major red flag. 

I remember being bothered by some of my ex-boyfriend’s habits, but I rarely spoke up about them because when I pointed them out, I was mostly dismissed. For example, he would always speak over me. When I’d stand up for myself, I was belittled and silenced with insults. 

A lack of respect can show up in many different ways. A partner who doesn’t respect you might not listen to you, disregard consent in physical situations, or hurl insults at you. 

3. They don’t support you emotionally.

Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader. Whether you’re trying to attain your next career milestone or get into a new hobby, your partner should stand by your side and encourage you to be your very best, I think. If you’re hesitant to share your goals for fear of being shut down — or you don’t feel like you and your partner are on the same team — you’re likely in a toxic situation. 

As an HSP, you may be particularly eager to please. But you can’t let anyone, even your partner, get in the way of your personal goals and self-actualization. 

4. They’re dishonest, like lying about where they’re going.

The success of our relationships are highly dependent on trust. When a partner is dishonest with you, that trust is eroded and other relationship problems are inevitable. If your partner is lying about where they are, who they’re with, what they’re doing, or how they feel, they are breaking essential trust and not enabling it to grow. Remember, lying by omission counts, too. 

When someone refuses to be honest with you, they leave you with nothing to work with in the way of improving the relationship. In cases where dishonesty is a consistent theme in your dynamic, leaving is usually the best option. 

5. Their unstable emotions become like a roller coaster, and you get a “high” from it. 

In the beginning of my last relationship, I got a thrilling high from our interactions. I later learned that I had developed an addiction to the extreme highs and lows of the relationship. 

Our addiction to toxic relationships can come from early attachment styles that may have been chaotic and unstable. We begin to feel at home in dysfunction and seek that out in our adult relationships. I think that’s what happened to me. 

Even though I began to feel more and more terrible as the relationship progressed, I found myself unable to leave. I had developed an obsessive, addictive attachment to the very person who made me feel so badly about myself. 

I finally realized that my toxic relationship couldn’t go on when I started exhibiting signs of depression and stopped feeling excited about the future. When I pictured what life would be like with my ex, I saw misery. I even felt a vague sense of danger. 

If you think you’re in a toxic relationship, know that you deserve so much more. Seek the support you need, whether that’s from a professional or trusted loved ones. Know your worth and take your life back — you’ll be much better off, trust me.

You might like:

• You’re Not ‘Too Sensitive’ for Leaving a Toxic Situation
• Why Highly Sensitive People Tend to Be People-Pleasers — and How to Stop
• These 2 Traits Can Make HSPs (Almost) Immune to Narcissists

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Why Highly Sensitive People Keep Falling for Toxic Relationships — And How to Stop appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Do you know why you’re here? No matter who you ask, this is a deep question that will garner various results. And for a highly sensitive person (HSP), the answer to that question can provide great insight into their well-being. There are a few things that sensitive souls need to be happy, and a sense of purpose is definitely one of them. This has certainly been my experience.

I spent several years unsure of what I was going to do with my life, as many young people do when the end of high school draws near. My struggle wasn’t just about my future career. It was more about the impact I wanted to have on the world and how I wanted my life path to make me feel.    

This lack of purpose wasn’t uncommon at all among my peers — it didn’t seem to bother them the same way it bothered me and my highly sensitive soul. When I would ask some of them why they chose to be a nurse, an engineer, or a mechanic, for instance, I was hoping to hear answers that would inspire me and help me find my way. I thought I’d hear answers like: “I want to heal people,” “I want to give the world better solutions to the problems we all face,” or “I want to help people explore the world in their cars.” Instead, I got answers more along the lines of “I want to make bank” or “The pension is good.” I was disappointed (to say the least).

I don’t mean to sound judgy about those answers. I love financial security just as much as the next person. After all, that’s how we’re able to live our lives exactly how we’d like. The thing is, 

I struggle to find the drive to pursue that financial security, or do anything, for that matter, when there’s no bigger purpose behind the pursuit.

Through my research, this seems to be a sentiment I share with other HSPs. Having a purpose is one of the key things that makes us happy. What’s more? This tendency to seek meaning might make us healthier and grow as a person, as I’m about to get into more.

If you’re as purpose-driven as I and other HSPs are — and you haven’t yet determined the answer to the question I asked at the beginning — you may be wondering how you might find a purpose. Or, it might be time to reevaluate your perspective on what it means to lead a meaningful life. 

But before we get into how we can find our purpose or passion in life, let’s look at the science behind high sensitivity. This way, you can see why we HSPs are drawn to seeking out our purpose in the first place.

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The Science Behind High Sensitivity

While we’re all sensitive to a degree, some people are more so than others. To that end, approximately 30 percent of people are innately more sensitive — they’re born this way — and it manifests both physically and emotionally. (For reference, around 40 percent of people are average in sensitivity while 20 percent are low in sensitivity.) Researchers refer to this trait as environmental sensitivity — or Sensory Processing Sensitivity. And, not to worry — all three levels of environmental sensitivity are considered to be completely normal and healthy.

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) fall near the high end of the sensitivity continuum. They usually have high levels of empathy, are deeply in touch with their physical environment(s), and also to the emotions and feelings of others (for better or worse). In addition, they may be quite sensitive to noises, textures, and other everyday things that don’t seem to bother other people. If you’re an HSP, it doesn’t just “go away,” but HSPs can learn to manage overstimulating and overwhelming situations.

Some researchers believe high sensitivity is linked to giftedness, as well — sensitive people are deep thinkers, pick up on nuances others overlook, and usually have remarkable intuition. And intuition plays an important role when it comes to finding one’s purpose.

How Purpose Is Really Found 

If you’re confused about your calling and you’ve sought advice from a trusted loved one or mentor, you may have heard the phrase: “Just follow your passion.” Sounds like good advice, doesn’t it? Like they say, “Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” 

However, some psychology professors have been challenging our collective understanding of what it means to find one’s life purpose. Stanford psychology researcher Carol Dweck and her colleague, Greg Walton, conducted a study exploring how college students view their passions. This seems like the perfect sample group since university students are often taught to pursue their life purpose through their majors and future careers. 

According to Dweck and Walton, there are two main approaches a person can take regarding their personal interests. Some people have a fixed mindset around their passions, a fixed theory of interests, while others are more flexible, with a growth theory of interests. According to the study, the growth theory seems more beneficial. How so? 

Well, when we have a fixed theory of interests, we believe that our life purpose (what some may call their “passion(s)”) exists in its complete form as soon as we’re born, and it’s our job to find it. With this mindset, it’s easy to write off interests that don’t align with the passions we’ve claimed for ourselves. Thus, we end up robbing ourselves of valuable life experiences because they “don’t fit.”

In addition, there’s a common belief under the fixed theory of interests that finding one’s passion means finding something that makes us feel happy all the time. But, no matter how much you love a certain activity or job, there will be days where you won’t feel enthusiastic about it. A fixed theory of interests can cause you to give up on anything that fails to bring you a constant feeling of bliss — and you may end up disappointed when you find that no such thing exists. 

So what’s the alternative? 

Dweck and Walton argue that passions are not found, but developed. With a growth theory of interest, we don’t wait passively for our sense of purpose to fall in our lap. Instead, we actively create one by living life open to a variety of possibilities. In other words, there are specific ways we create that passion or purpose. They depend a lot on the attitude we have about trying things out (even if it’s difficult) and keeping at them. 

Their findings have shown me a different perspective on living my life in a way that satisfies my need for purpose. It’s a perspective that encourages me to live life fully instead of frantically searching for an elusive singular passion that will supposedly make my life mean something in the end. Here’s how you, too, can incorporate this into your life.

3 Ways to (Actually) Find Your Purpose as a Highly Sensitive Person 

1. Try new things — even though they may make you uncomfortable at first.

As an HSP, it’s very likely that you have a rich inner life. Whether you like to appreciate art in its many forms or create it, your inner life might offer you a sense of identity. If your talent for painting, or your volunteer work, has become a part of your self-image, branching out and trying something new altogether may feel uncomfortable. 

That’s what I’ve found, at least. Like most HSPs, I’ve always had a private activity in my life that brings me satisfaction, and to a certain degree, purpose. Those activities are drawing and writing, though I find I have little time to draw lately. Yet these activities are a part of who I am, and they both favor me staying inside by myself in a quiet environment. 

For that reason, I find it a bit uncomfortable to do things I don’t typically identify with — activities that require me to leave the house (not the healthiest thing staying in 24/7, I know), being around a lot of people, or hanging out in loud environments. 

I know that my dislike of certain activities, particularly those that can become overstimulating, is normal for me as a sensitive person. However, staying in my comfort zone, as cozy as it is, isn’t always in my best interest. 

So you’ll be proud to know that I have made a genuine effort to leave my house in pursuit of activities that are uncomfortable for me, yet meaningful. I have become a volunteer for my local Humane Society! In actuality, this role aligns with my interests since I love animals, particularly cats, but I’ll have to work alongside quite a few people and help with public events, too. 

Both duties, I’m not particularly comfortable with and wouldn’t normally do unless entirely necessary. That being said, I know that helping animals will give me a great sense of purpose. And many of my fellow HSPs know that highly sensitive people have a special bond with animals. So that trumps any of the not-as-exciting aspects of the “job” for me.

Is there an activity you’ve been wanting to try, but haven’t because it isn’t like the usual things you do? If you’re feeling a lack of purpose in your life, consider trying something outside your comfort zone. Remember, it’s up to you to carve a path to a meaningful life with pastimes (old and new) that fill you up and nourish your soul.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

2. Follow your intuition — it often knows best.

When making life decisions, there’s a tendency to put more weight on the logical side of things. There’s a good reason for this: We want our choices to make sense on a practical level. However, when we ignore our intuition, we could miss out on those magical hunches and intuitive flashes that seem to guide us to more purposeful ends. 

If you get a feeling that you want to try something, talk to a certain person, or sign up for a certain class, just do it. There’s a lot of noise out there that can distract you from what your keen highly sensitive intuition knows to be true. 

One thing that has helped me listen to my intuition more is to remember times I made the “perfect” decision for my life at the time based on an inner knowing. When meeting my closest friends, choosing my current career (which I love), and committing to my current partner — all facets of my life that have added a significant amount of purpose to my life — my intuition was at the forefront of my decision-making. 

So try not to stress too much about it — almost anything can become your purpose if you choose to use this approach and let your intuition lead the way.

3. Just enjoy life — when you least expect it, your purpose will reveal itself. 

Many of us want to create meaning in our lives so badly that we make it our full-time job to discover the question discussed at the outset: Why am I here? To recap, based on Dweck and Walton’s study, we find our passion (or our purpose) through a long developmental process. 

We live life and experience things that gradually add to our sense of purpose. As life unfolds, we learn more about ourselves and what we contribute to the world, and eventually, perhaps without even realizing it right away, we’ve found it! Our raison d’être, our purpose, is evident. 

When looking for a loving relationship, you’ve probably heard advice from your loved ones like: “When you aren’t looking for it, you’ll find it.” The same applies to your life’s purpose. Don’t look for it, per se. Just live your life to the fullest, and when you least expect it, it will reveal itself. You’ll see.

You might like:

• Do You Crave Deeper, More Meaningful Friendships? You’re Not Alone
• Here’s Everything Researchers Know About High Sensitivity
• 14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post How to (Actually) Find Your Purpose as a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

My experience with friends has always been quite volatile and I had no idea why until very recently. I typically enjoy a flourishing social life… before it all dissolves for one reason or another. In the end, I find myself alone again. 

Being quite self-reflective, I’ve given a lot of thought to this pattern in an effort to understand why I seem to have such transient, non-substantial friendships with people and how I could possibly change that. After all, though I love spending time alone, I crave deep, meaningful bonds with people. If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP) like I am, I’m sure you get it. 

Some reminiscing made me realize that the recurring pattern in my social life was finding myself in the center of these massive friend groups. Within them were a host of dynamics that were unhealthy, unsafe, even.

The size of these groups was often my fault because I would constantly invite new people into my life and social circles. (I had falsely believed that without hundreds of friends, I would somehow be a loser. I also have a desire to get to know a variety of people on a deep level.) 

I once had a discussion with some friends (both of whom I’m no longer close with) and I got a rare look into the way others perceive me. My friends told me that I was quite approachable. The reason they, and other people in our group, came together was that I made the people around me feel comfortable. 

Of course, this was nice to hear. I always want to be (and come off as) kind and non-judgmental to others, but these words from my friends brought up many questions for me, as well. 

Why, if it was so easy to meet people and invite them in, did I always find myself feeling excluded, isolated, and estranged from my friends in the end? Why did they eventually end our friendship?

While I still wrestle with these questions from time to time, learning more about my personality — and why I experience certain aspects of life differently than others — has offered me some slightly less terrifying answers than the ones I make up in my head when anxious. 

Not only does my high sensitivity affect the way I experience the world through my five senses, but it also impacts my relationships with significant others, family, and friends. If you identify as an HSP, the same may be true for you. Navigating friendships can be mystifying for all of us, but highly sensitive people face a unique set of challenges in this area — as well as gifts. 

First, let’s look at why sensitive types sometimes struggle to make friends.

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Why Highly Sensitive People Struggle to Make Friends 

1. Mismatched expectations and a lack of common interests.   

In every relationship, whether it’s romantic, familial, or professional, there are certain expectations. These may include how often you’ll see each other, how often you’ll communicate, and what you’ll do together. Mismatched expectations can cause a significant rift in any relationship and cause it to dissolve. 

As an HSP, you may find that your expectations are consistently unmet by friends. Conversely, perhaps you feel that you are always letting the other person down. Why is that? Well, many of the activities that others enjoy — such as loud parties or participating in activities in stimulating environments — are extremely overwhelming for us.

For example, I’ve never enjoyed trips to amusement parks while some of my other friends love them. The pressure to plaster on a smile and take part in activities that actually cause me great distress takes away from my ability to enjoy the time spent with friends. Yet I’d also feel as though I were disappointing my friends if I didn’t choose to join in the “fun.” After all, sensitive people are often people-pleasers.

Another example is the highly sensitive person’s desire for deep, meaningful communication while their friends are just fine with a surface-level conversation that is limited to small talk and gossip. Being friends with people who are different from us can be fun and illuminating, but sometimes those differences get in the way of common ground. 

2. The tendency to enjoy alone time. 

Like all relationships, friendships require a certain amount of initiative for maintenance. Because many HSPs are introverted (about 70 percent), it can be easy for us to prefer our own company as opposed to social gatherings (which can be very draining, not to mention overstimulating).

People who don’t consider themselves to be highly sensitive may not understand why we need so much downtime. Instead, they may interpret our need to be alone as a lack of initiative or interest in the friendship, which is not the case.

3. Blurry boundaries — which can make it difficult for us to know when it’s time to get out of situations where we are being mistreated.

HSP expert Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, touched on the highly sensitive person’s tendency to have permeable boundaries in her blog. What does this mean? Well, the way that HSPs communicate may differ from other people. For example, we can be more indirect and subtle in our language, which can make our boundaries unclear to others. 

In addition, HSPs usually love caring for the people around them. This makes it difficult for us to know when it’s time to get out of situations where we are being mistreated or taken advantage of. (For instance, HSPs may be more prone to attracting narcissists or gaslighting.) According to Aron’s research, this likely occurs for several different reasons. Sometimes our permeable boundaries are an innate part of being an HSP. Other times, they are the result of an HSP being deprived of the ability to separate themselves from others in their childhood. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

How to Make More Quality Friendships as a Highly Sensitive Person 

If you’ve ever experienced the challenges discussed above, you might feel as though something is innately wrong with you because your experience with friends doesn’t align with society’s expectations. As humans, we have a need to connect with others so, having difficulties making — and keeping — friends can be extremely distressing. Here are some ways to make more quality friendships as an HSP.

• Let go of societal expectations. According to what you may have been told about friendship growing up, you might believe that a healthy social life means a lot of friends whom you speak with every single day and party with every weekend. But what if this doesn’t bring you joy? Friendship is all about having fun, connecting, and supporting people you love in a way that feels good for both parties. If a friendship doesn’t feel good to you, don’t force it, no matter what society might have you believe about your social life. 

• Don’t be afraid of being selective. Despite the difficulties you may experience with friendship, as an HSP, there are many reasons why others might gravitate toward you. Your innate knack for absorbing other people’s needs and emotions makes them feel safe and taken care of. This may attract those who are similar to you, but it might also attract people whose intentions are not pure. When making new friends, don’t be afraid to be selective and follow your intuition — one of your HSP superpowers — when choosing who may or may not be a part of your life.

• Let your authentic self shine through. Being different in any way can make it difficult to open up. As an HSP, there might be a fear of being judged for who you are because sensitivity isn’t particularly valued in our society. If, however, you let fear get in the way of allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you run the risk of sabotaging your chances of creating real intimacy in your relationships and friendships.  

• Start with common interests. Because sensitive people tend to enjoy different activities than those who are less sensitive, it can be difficult for us to relate to most people. For example, most of your peers might meet at the mall to hang out, but it always feels far too crowded and overstimulating to you. You’d rather hike with friends on your favorite forest trail and relish the quiet. So why not start on the trail? Perhaps you could join a local hiking group online through an organization such as Meetup. By meeting friends based on shared interests, you improve your chances of developing friendships with people with whom you can do your favorite things. This is particularly important for HSPs who value their inner lives. 

• Know when it’s time to end the friendship. As mentioned above, HSPs can struggle to set and enforce clear boundaries in their relationships. That, coupled with the fact that we often attract narcissists and energy vampires, makes us especially vulnerable to unhealthy patterns in our friendships. For that reason, it’s essential that we know when it’s time to say goodbye to a dynamic that is no longer bringing positivity into our lives. Some signs it may be time to say goodbye to a friendship include your concerns being met with a dismissive attitude, passive-aggressive comments, the betrayal of your trust, finding yourselves without anything to talk about, and most importantly, finding that you consistently feel bad after you get together with your friend. Use your highly developed intuition to point you in the right direction. If you pay close attention to hunches and bodily sensations, you’ll likely find that you already know what’s best. 

What about you, fellow HSP? What are some ways you make high-quality friends? Feel free to share them in the comments below!

You might like:

• 4 Types of Unsafe Friendships for Highly Sensitive People
• Do You Crave Deeper, More Meaningful Friendships? You’re Not Alone
• 18 Things That Fill Highly Sensitive People With Joy

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Why Highly Sensitive People Struggle to Make Friends (and How to Change That) appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Last December, my fiancé and I celebrated the purchase of our first home. I was ecstatic to be back in the downtown area where parks, festivals, and all the best food are only a short walk away. Since we expect to live here for a while, I decided to put forth an effort to get involved in my community and hopefully meet new friends — something that’s always been a challenge for me. 

As many remote workers know, working at home can make it all too easy to procrastinate. For me, as soon as writer’s block hits, those dishes in the sink become more inviting. So, I began working at a coffee shop to keep myself out of the house. There were several cute ones in my neighborhood and the nearest one was very affordable. Perfect, right? 

Yet the last time I went to my neighborhood coffee shop, I left crying. Why? Well, besides getting work done, I realized I was going there in the hopes of making new friends in my new neighborhood — and it was not working out. Instead, tears welled up in my eyes after an employee and her friend looked at me, looked at one another, and then giggled. Ouch.

If I’m being honest, there has never been a time when I didn’t feel out of place, causing me to react strongly to social rejection (real or imagined). Now that I’ve forged a satisfying, profound relationship with my fiancé (which has come with its own challenges), I also long for close, positive friendships. 

I am not the only one who faces this struggle, though. The difficulty I’ve faced reminds me that highly sensitive people like myself often struggle to find meaningful relationships — romantic or platonic. It’s also taught me a lot about why we struggle to find such relationships, and how we can overcome that struggle and connect with people anyway.

Do Highly Sensitive People Struggle Socially?

As a highly sensitive person, your awareness of stimuli is heightened. The trait is also called environmental sensitivity or sensory processing sensitivity. According to Andre Sólo, coauthor of the bestselling book Sensitive, environmental sensitivity is not a disorder but is better described as a healthy neurobiological characteristic that has both advantages and disadvantages — one that Sólo says has played a crucial role in our evolutionary history as humans. 

(If you’re not sure whether you’re a highly sensitive person, you can take the test here.)

There is no question that highly sensitive people (HSPs) are seen as “different,” however. Sólo says only about 30 percent of people score as highly sensitive, and they often stand out. “There is nothing about being sensitive that automatically makes you struggle socially,” Sólo told me. “In fact, sensitive people are often big on empathy and emotional intelligence, which can be an advantage. But they also have big emotions, deep minds, and what can seem to others like quirky habits.” As a result, Sólo says, highly sensitive people often face a stigma. 

That’s especially challenging because HSPs often derive great pleasure from their rich inner lives and appreciate the deep conversation and emotional understanding — needs that leave us craving human connection. 

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

Why Are Deeper Relationships So Important to HSPs?

As a highly sensitive person, relationships can present a confusing paradox. It’s very possible that social gatherings can be quite overstimulating for you. On the other hand, you could feel a deep desire to forge strong, intimate bonds with romantic partners and friends. Why is that? 

Well, as highly sensitive people, we tend to experience emotions intensely and often want an outlet for what feels like a flood of emotions. For this reason, we’re wired to prefer depth. Small talk and frivolous gossip alone won’t satisfy you. They can even tire you out. 

To an empathetic HSP, a meaningful relationship provides a much needed receptacle for our intense need to care for others. In addition, deep bonds enable us to get the sort of care that we need but often don’t find. 

Why Do HSPs Struggle to Find Meaningful Relationships?

Though we want and need them intensely, relationships present a unique challenge for highly sensitive people. Have you ever faced any of these challenges in your relationships with partners, friends, and family members? 

Your Need Lots Of Time Alone 

As we discussed briefly, the HSP brain works harder than the non-sensitive brain to process stimuli from the environment. Though this deep sensory processing occurs unconsciously, it still causes us to expend energy. That’s why oftentimes, HSPs will need plenty of time to retreat and rest.

 In my experience, just uttering a couple words can be exhausting when I feel the need to be on my own. Unfortunately, my friends, partners, and family members don’t always understand that solitude is not a want but a need for me, causing confusion and hurt on both sides.

You Need Reassurance To Ease Your Relationship Anxiety 

On the other hand, because of our exceptionally busy minds, HSPs can be prone to overthinking and as a result, relationship anxiety. Fear of rejection and  intense emotional responses can make even the smallest doubt into a disaster for us. 

For this reason, highly sensitive people may find themselves needing a lot of reassurance from partners to ensure that they are still loved, accepted, and respected. Over time, this can lead to a codependent dynamic. 

Your Idealism Can Give Rise To Impossibly High Standards 

We are often described as dreamy and idealistic. This has always been one of my favorite parts of being an HSP as it injects a much needed sense of magic and wonder into life; however, it can also mean holding myself and those around me to extremely high standards. As an HSP, your tendency for perfectionism can leave everyone involved feeling as though nothing is ever good enough. 

You Fall for Toxic Dynamics 

HSPs tend to be givers in relationships and as a result, can attract those who only want to take. This includes narcissists, high conflict people, and other types of toxic partners and unsafe friends. Our ability to empathize deeply with others and desire to heal them can cause us to be attracted to these types even though they don’t have the capacity to be in a healthy relationship. 

Because we can be perfectionists, we can suffer from low self-esteem which others can often detect and take advantage of. Sadly, we can get trapped in toxic relationships because we don’t feel as though we deserve any better. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

How to Finally Find Meaningful Relationships

For some of the very same reasons we tend to struggle, HSPs can thrive in relationships and friendships. With that being said, effort is often required to activate the HSP powers that many of us are unaware of and sadly, repress. 

Here are the four keys to finding and maintaining meaningful relationships as an HSP:

1. Address Your Trauma 

When trauma occurs, particularly during childhood, relationships are greatly affected. Many of us unconsciously re-enact traumatic patterns from our pasts in our current relationships, even choosing our partners based on our comfort with betrayal, abandonment, abuse, or whatever we experienced. 

In addition, trauma affects highly sensitive people differently. It can have a stronger grip on us and in many cases, creates more adverse effects in our lives. When you resolve your trauma, you free yourself from harmful dynamics in your past. 

You start choosing better for yourself, finding peace, and getting the healthy love you deserve. For me, speaking with a therapist was a transformative decision for releasing my trauma and starting fresh. 

2. Explore Your Interests

I know it’s annoying to hear but it’s true that when you stop fixating on what you’re missing, it can suddenly materialize in your life. I believe that’s partly because of the Law of Attraction but in a relationship context, being happy with your current life (single or not, with zero friends or ten) has a magnetic effect on those around you. 

Instead of obsessing over how you’ll meet your soulmate (as it’s so easy to do), try focusing on yourself. As an HSP, you’ll likely benefit from enriching your inner life. Start exploring your interests and allow yourself to get lost in them when possible. Trust that the joy you’ll derive from doing things that you love will attract exciting things. 

3. Be Courageous

As you strive towards better relationships, it’s very likely that you’ll need to step outside of your comfort zone. After my move in December, I found this to be true and I can’t say that I regret it. 

My neighbor kindly greeted us during the final inspection of our house. Shortly after we moved in, she knocked on the door and delivered a plant with a card. I knew the right thing to do was to express my gratitude with a similar gesture but I was afraid of saying the wrong thing and experiencing social rejection – a common thread in my life experience so far. 

One weekend, something came over me and I decided to bake some fruit squares, write a thank you card, and knock on my neighbor’s door. The result? An extremely pleasant conversation with my neighbor and her husband and now, a regular walking partner who I look forward to seeing on most days of the week. It’s scary to put yourself out there but that’s not a good enough reason to avoid great opportunities to connect.  

4. Accept Yourself 

When you struggle with relationships, it can be easy to assume that there’s something wrong with you. After all, we often hear that humans are social creatures. When I think of that expression, I ask myself: “What am I? An alien?” Of course, the answer is no. 

Being highly sensitive does not render a person too different to be loved or any less deserving of meaningful relationships and I know that internalizing that can be much easier said than done. If you struggle to feel comfortable with who you are as I do, directing acceptance and compassion inward is a great place to start. Remember that the most important relationship is the one you share with yourself. 

You Might Like:

• Do You Crave Deeper, More Meaningful Friendships? You’re Not Alone
• 4 Types of Unsafe Friendships for Highly Sensitive People
• Do Highly Sensitive People Attract Narcissists?

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Why Do Highly Sensitive People Struggle to Find Meaningful Relationships? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

It happened again: The minute I entered a room at work, people immediately went from talking to complete silence. Often, a passive-aggressive comment about how few shifts I had picked up would follow. 

I knew pretty early on that the culture of my workplace (a retirement home) was toxic, as I was consistently scheduled outside of my availability. (This was despite the fact that the position was a side job to me and I had plenty of other obligations, including a full course load at school.) Guilting and shaming were used often to quiet employee complaints and make us say yes to double shifts. 

When I first decided that I would reduce my workload and transition into a career that actually made me happy, the subtle — but ever-present — shaming from fellow employees and managers intensified. I began getting physical symptoms, like weak legs and headaches for days after each shift. I was miserable, but felt trapped: I needed extra income to make my career change possible. In essence, I was being bullied.

Research, too, shows that many people who experience bullying feel trapped — and, often, highly sensitive people have trouble navigating this. Let’s take a look at why this is the case.

What Is Bullying — and How Does It Affect HSPs?

Those of us who were bullied for being too quiet, too passionate about our hobbies, or for crying too easily may have felt relief when we graduated from school… only to find that bullies never go away. 

Whether your bully waits for you at the office each morning, torments you at family gatherings, or is someone you’re in a romantic relationship with, know that you don’t have to put up with poor treatment anymore. You are strong enough to protect yourself from bullying. But how? First, let’s explore what bullying entails. 

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), bullying is repeated, aggressive behavior where harm or discomfort is intended. It can be overt with physical or verbal abuse — or it can be covert and involve sneakier tactics that are more difficult to detect by others. 

Bullying is harmful to all victims by causing negative mental health outcomes and lowering self-esteem. But because we highly sensitive people (HSPs) have such intense depth of processing capabilities and emotional reactivity, bullying can leave especially deep scars on us.

Sensitive types seem to make the perfect target for bullying — but not for the reasons you might think. Bullies tend to target victims for several different reasons, yet one common thread is always present. Despite the fierce, powerful facade they try to maintain, bullies are deeply hurt and insecure. They go after people who threaten them.     

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So, as a highly sensitive person, you will not be a target of bullying because of weakness, incompetence, or perceived lack. Research done on workplace bullying, for example, reveals that the opposite is true. Victims of workplace bullying tend to be very competent, dedicated, and well-liked. Those three characteristics are often used to describe HSPs, too, who take their commitments seriously and make it their mission to help others. 

Understanding the fact that I wasn’t being bullied because there was actually something “wrong” with me was transformative, and I encourage any HSP struggling with a bully to acknowledge this important truth. 

Even though you don’t see your giftedness, or the way others gravitate toward you, your bully does — and this triggers a deep sense of lack in themselves. With this knowledge, how can you move forward and protect yourself against bullying? Here’s what’s worked for me — and my wish is that at least some of these tactics work for you, too.

6 Ways HSPs Can Protect Themselves From Bullying

1. Work on your self-esteem by recognizing, and adjusting, your limited beliefs. 

It’s never pleasant to know that someone is trying to hurt you, but this is especially true when your self-esteem is lacking. (And if you grew up as an HSP who was continually told they’re “too sensitive,” it’s easy to not be super confident.) 

When you have a negative perception of yourself, it’s easier to let other people’s actions affect you negatively. That’s why bullies tend to target people who seem to lack confidence. So how can you improve your self-esteem so that bullying rolls off your back? 

Unfortunately, there’s no quick fix to low self-esteem, as it involves a large-scale upheaval of long-held beliefs about ourselves. The process starts with being able to recognize the negative, or limiting, beliefs that live in our minds. These are often subconscious thoughts that place limitations on our abilities. But the good news is — you can change them.

Journaling was the most important activity I used for drawing out negative false beliefs about my lovability and capability. I had to pay close attention to the language I used (I still do sometimes) and what messages I was sending myself and others through my actions, like failing to care for my physical needs. Developing my self-esteem (not perfecting it) began with challenging my critical inner voice.

2. Exude confidence through your body language.

Sometimes, you’ll have to fake it ‘til you make it. Even though you don’t always feel confident, exuding it through your body language can help you avoid giving bullies the idea that they can mess with you. 

Similarly, according to the facial feedback hypothesis, smiling can make us feel happier. So the same effect may occur with confident body language. Try to make eye contact with people when you talk to them, keep your head up when you’re walking, and try not to slouch or fidget. The more confident you appear, the more confident you will feel.

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

3. Connect with others — don’t isolate yourself.

If you’ve experienced bullying, your first impulse may be to self-isolate as a protective mechanism. This was certainly my experience. However, as safe as this might feel to you at first, isolating yourself will only make you feel worse. 

Even when you’re not being bullied, social isolation has been shown to cause depression, anxiety, suicidality, and even premature death. If you’re dealing with the distress of dealing with a bully on your own, don’t. Instead, work on establishing a support system, whether it’s your family, friends, a therapist, or an online group. This way, you’ll find kinship in how you’re feeling — or at least a listening, supportive ear.

4. Develop hobbies and passions — they lower stress and are good for your mental health.

Not only can your hobbies be a healthy distraction from the unpleasant effects of bullying, but they can also help you develop your confidence through self-mastery. The times in my life when I was bullied and excluded the most, I really threw myself into my creative hobbies — writing and drawing. I also tried to make new friends as best as I could. I was glad when I was successful, but when I was alone, I didn’t lose hope because my hobbies and passions kept me going. 

Research, too, has found that hobbies can help reduce stress and also help boost someone’s mood. Other findings have discovered that hobbies can also help improve social connection, as well as help your mental health by decreasing depression and anxiety. And since we highly sensitive people are deep thinkers, we tend to put our all into things, including our hobbies.

5. Instead of revenge, extend compassion toward your bully.

While you’ve probably heard the phrase, “Love your enemy,” easier said than done, right?

As I mentioned earlier, bullies are often very hurt people themselves. I mean, imagine being so unhappy that you deliberately hurt people to feel better about yourself. When someone hurts you, it’s natural to want to get them back with a smart comeback or other forms of revenge. 

I can certainly be vengeful myself, but this won’t achieve anything — it’ll just continue the bullying cycle and make you a bully, as well!

So extend compassion toward your bully. As an HSP, this won’t be difficult for you, and doing so will make it easier to let go of unhealthy resentment. And who knows? Maybe it’ll show your bully how to be a better, more decent human being. It’ll probably catch them off-guard, that’s for sure, and they’ll likely start to leave you alone.

6. Tell someone about the bullying.

When you get bullied as an adult, there can be a sense that you need to attack the issue on your own to demonstrate your strength. But what’s more important, maintaining an image of strength — or being healthy and happy? 

Telling someone about the bullying you’re experiencing can make you feel less alone, and is also important for your well-being. If you’re dealing with a bully at work, telling a supervisor could help initiate disciplinary action. If you’re afraid to do this, you can start by telling a friend or coworker (perhaps they’ve been bullied, too).

Unfortunately, bullying is a global problem that adversely affects too many of us. You’re not bullied because there’s anything “wrong” with you and you certainly don’t deserve poor treatment. You have everything you need to defend yourself against your bully — your sensitivity. It equips you with all the strength you need.

You might like:

• Sensitive Boys Can Be a Favorite Target of Bullies. Here’s How to Prevent It.
• The Top 7 Challenges of Highly Sensitive People, According to a Therapist
• Why Highly Sensitive People Keep Falling for Toxic Relationships — And How to Stop

The post Yes, Bullying Happens to Adults, Too — Here’s How HSPs Can Protect Themselves appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done? When you think back on some of the mistakes you’ve made, what sort of feelings come up? Perhaps you feel a twinge (or flood) of guilt. This is completely normal. Many of us harbor guilt from mistakes we’ve made, whether it was yesterday or even decades ago. 

I can remember one particular incident (saga is more like it) as though it happened yesterday. My upbringing was different from that of my peers. Being raised as a second-generation immigrant under very strict religious constraints, though I loved my family, I often longed for a different life. 

A lovely friend of mine named Emma would often tell me about her family. They celebrated Christmas (which my family didn’t). She was also allowed to sleep over at her friends’ houses (I wasn’t). I had just begun an obsession with the 1996 film, Matilda — at the end of the movie, Matilda is adopted by her angelic teacher, Ms. Honey. In my third grade mind, Emma’s family represented the perfect home life to me, and since Matilda had gotten adopted easily enough with a simple signature from her parents, I figured I could do the same. 

What if Emma’s parents just adopted me? I would get presents on Christmas morning, I would be allowed to sleep over at my friends’ homes for slumber parties, and I wouldn’t have to attend long, boring religious lectures several times a week. It seemed like the perfect plan to me… but there was a catch. 

I figured I would have to convince Emma and her family that I needed rescuing. So I created a bunch of elaborate stories that painted my parents in a terrible light. When I finally told my parents about my plan during a temper tantrum, their reaction showed me how wrong I was. Not only had I been dishonest with Emma and her family, but I had disregarded my parent’s love for me and all they’d provided me with. I remember my mother crying over the fact that I would rather live with another family. I felt like the most awful daughter ever. 

Many people would probably feel guilty for doing what I did and likely feel guilty about certain things overall — it’s a natural response to difficult situations and a sign of introspection, which is a good thing. But they may also feel guilty when they’re not at fault. And when it happens too often, it can start to affect how you see yourself, harming your self-esteem. It can even lead to unhealthy behavior — like taking blame for things that aren’t your fault, ignoring your own needs, or even entering abusive control dynamics.

As a result, this sense of misplaced guilt may be even more common among one group of people — those who are more sensitive to their surroundings, both physically and emotionally. These individuals make up about 30 percent of the population and are referred to in research as highly sensitive people (HSPs), which I am. (For reference, around 40 percent of people are average in sensitivity while 20 percent are low in sensitivity.) 

The Science Behind High Sensitivity

While everyone is sensitive to an extent, some of us are more sensitive than others. This trait is referred to by researchers as environmental sensitivity — also known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity. And all three levels of environmental sensitivity are considered to be completely healthy and normal.

When someone is close to the high end of the sensitivity continuum, they’re called “highly sensitive people.” Often, they will be deeply in touch with their physical environment(s), as well as with the emotions and feelings of others. This is where their high levels of empathy come into the picture, too. They’re also extremely intuitive — in fact, some researchers believe high sensitivity is linked to giftedness. They’re also deep thinkers and are excellent at picking up on small details others may overlook. In addition, they’re often quite sensitive to textures, noises, and other everyday things in the environment that don’t seem to bother non-HSPs. 

And an HSP’s sensitive nature doesn’t just go away — it’s innate, although they can learn to manage overwhelming and overstimulating situations. Similarly, they often feel guilty for things — even when they shouldn’t.

Why HSPs Feel Guilty When They Shouldn’t 

Because HSPs’ emotional responsiveness to others is heightened, it’s likely that we have a clear understanding of what we’ve done “wrong.” I’ve often created scenarios in my mind where the severity of what I did was extremely exaggerated. Lots of my time has been spent ruminating on just how terrible my actions have been, which can begin to feel like torture before long. 

While feeling guilty can be a trait of someone who’s empathic — after all, it shows they are a caring, thoughtful, conscientious person — misplaced guilt is another story. It’s often related to having a sincere desire to do the right thing and make others happy. Since HSPs have a naturally high level of empathy, they are especially prone to misplaced or excessive guilt. 

Misplaced guilt, like all guilt, requires a certain level of reflecting on one’s own behavior. Highly sensitive people are wired for this kind of self-reflection. The leading explanation of what makes some people more sensitive is that differences in their brains help them process information more deeply, at greater length, than other people do. 

Of course, this can have many advantages — it leads to tremendous creativity and allows them to make connections between ideas that other people fail to see — but it also has drawbacks. In particular, many HSPs report chronic overthinking and self-doubt. Essentially, sensitive people scrutinize their own behavior more than others do, because their brains are wired to go deep — and one of the hallmark characteristics of sensitivity is depth of processing. 

It simply means that we tend to experience stimulation more intensely than others do, whether that stimulation is positive or negative. This applies to the guilt we experience in life — HSPs are human and make mistakes just like everyone else. When we do, the guilt can feel more intense to us, and it also makes us very susceptible to misplaced guilt. Not only does it feel terrible to hold onto guilt from the past, but if it becomes a habit, it can create some real negative repercussions in our lives long-term.

The Difference Between Shame and Guilt

Shame also comes into the picture when we’re talking about guilt. While shame and guilt are two separate emotions, according to Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, the highly sensitive brain can conflate the two, making the emotional experience more intense. 

Guilt is the emotion that presents itself when we’ve done something wrong — or perceive our actions to be wrong. But shame is deeper than that. It’s the sense that your whole self is wrong. According to Dr. Aron, sometimes an event that would only evoke guilt in most people ends up evoking shame in a highly sensitive person, who might be more likely to interpret their wrongdoing as proof of their own worthlessness. 

On a related note, in their book titled Shame And Guilt, June Price Tangney and Ronda L. Dearing identified a connection between being prone to shame and dealing with psychological conditions, like depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder. All three of these conditions can significantly affect a person’s quality of life — and even if we never develop them, prolonged shame can cause us to develop a very negative view of ourselves. This can then play out negatively in so many different areas of our lives.

So, how can those of us who are highly sensitive people manage our feelings of guilt in such a way that we’re able to take accountability for our actions — without damaging our self-worth? Because, no matter how hard you try to do the right thing at every turn, it’s simply impossible to avoid making mistakes from time to time. That’s why it’s important to know how to react to guilt in a healthy way when it inevitably happens — especially since we have a tendency to feel our emotions on a really deep level. 

As long as it doesn’t get out of control, feeling guilt isn’t all bad. In fact, if you feel guilty sometimes, it means that you care about the way your actions affect the people around you. It’s a sign of your empathy and your ability to maintain close, loving, healthy relationships. However, to make sure your guilt doesn’t unnecessarily morph into its less constructive cousin, shame, you might find it helpful to follow the steps below. 

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5 Ways to Overcome Guilt as an HSP

1. Name your guilt — this way, you can begin to perceive your emotions more objectively.

First, name your guilt: Figure out what action caused you to feel guilty and why. Naming our emotions, and understanding their origins, is beneficial. It allows us the chance to take a step back and figure out how we’re going to handle them — instead of allowing them to get out of control and manifest in harmful ways. 

Experts suggest these three strategies for naming and understanding your emotions (in this case, any guilt you may be harboring). First, expand your emotional vocabulary (Are you disappointed? Afraid? How are you feeling?). Next, learn to rank the intensity of the emotions you’re feeling on a scale of 1-10. And, finally, write them down: “I now realize…” or “I understand…” This way, you can begin to perceive your emotions more objectively and make the best decisions for you. 

2. Apologize when necessary — it helps to validate the other person’s feelings.

A sincere apology benefits the person you’ve wronged — and yourself — as well as the relationship you share. The most effective apologies involve the following components. Start by specifically stating how you’ve caused harm. When you are able to acknowledge everything you’ve done wrong, you show that you’ve taken the necessary time and effort to think about what you’ve done. You also validate the other person’s feelings by identifying exactly how you may have hurt them. 

When I was a lot younger, I often justified my wrong behavior in an effort to protect myself from shame and guilt. However, I’ve learned that apologizing isn’t about making myself feel better. It’s about taking responsibility for — and maintaining healthy relationships with — the people around me, which does help me feel better in the end. 

That being said, a sincere, effective apology does not involve making excuses for yourself. By expressing your remorse, keeping the lines of communication open between you and the person you’ve wronged, and adjusting your behavior, you are changing your sensitivity in a constructive way. It can be tempting to go into defense mode when you’re suffering with intense feelings of guilt, but this is a waste of our HSP superpowers. 

3. Learn from your mistakes — and think of ways you can change your behavior for the better.

Apologies that aren’t followed by a change are pretty pointless. You’ve probably dealt with one of those, and it probably hurts you to see how little effort is put in even when change is promised. When I feel guilty about something, I find it helpful for both me (and the person I’ve wronged) to think of several specific ways I plan to change my behavior for the better. 

Conscientiousness can be an HSP trait, meaning that you likely care about aligning your actions with what’s right. This can be helpful when you’re trying to learn from your mistakes. 

4. Practice self-compassion through journaling.

When you’re feeling intense guilt, especially guilt that morphs into shame, it can be tempting to ruminate on what you’ve done and punish yourself. As HSPs, we’re known for our empathy and compassion. But, unfortunately, we don’t always extend that understanding to ourselves. When I find myself being extra harsh on myself, I think of whether I’d subject a beloved friend to the same scrutiny. Usually, the answer is no. 

Self-compassion can be shown in a variety of ways. Accepting your own imperfection is a great place to start. Personally, journaling is my favorite tool for self-compassion and forgiveness. Not only are there several types of journaling for highly sensitive people, but it’s also portable: you can do it in a notebook or on the go, on your phone.

5. Recognize the “guilt trip” — it’s often a toxic way for others to get their needs met (but does not have your best interests at heart).

Though none of us are perfect, and, many times, the guilt we feel is fully warranted, there are times where guilt is used as a manipulation tactic. To protect ourselves from the guilt trip, it’s important to be able to recognize when it’s happening. 

The guilt trip is typically used to control our actions. For example, your parents might use the fact that you haven’t visited them in a while to create guilty feelings in you. They probably don’t mean to cause you harm, but they’re hoping your guilt moves you to visit them more often. No matter how innocent the intent is, guilt is a toxic way for a person to get their needs met. Especially if you’re sensitive to guilt and other negative emotions, you have the right to protect yourself from guilt trips. (Once again, boundaries come into play, too.)

It’s easy to tell if someone is trying to use guilt to manipulate you. Simply pay attention to the way you feel when you’re doing something that’s been asked of you. Do you feel light and giving when you’re doing a favor — or resentful? When someone is guilt-tripping you, it makes you feel stuck. Your actions feel forced and inauthentic, which is especially painful for us HSPs. How can you avoid falling into this trap? 

The most helpful protection is to learn to speak your truth, which can be challenging for sensitive types. It’s also important to be able to evaluate whether you’ve done something wrong, and be able to trust that evaluation. If you know for certain that you haven’t done anything wrong, don’t apologize. Instead, set clear boundaries with people who insist on using guilt to manipulate you. 

Remember: Guilt is a normal emotion, but it shouldn’t control your life. No matter what the answer to the opening question is, even if you’re deeply affected by your feelings of guilt, you can overcome them. Whether you simply need to develop more positive self-talk or you need to seek professional help, you can use your HSP strengths to learn from your mistakes — and free yourself from guilt once and for all (or at least as much as possible).

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• How to Overcome Shame and Self-Doubt as a Highly Sensitive Person
• The Difference Between the Highly Sensitive Brain and the ‘Typical’ Brain
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Why HSPs Feel Guilty All the Time (And How to Stop) appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I always knew that I didn’t want a “normal” job. Of course, when I was younger, my parents tried to steer me in that direction — but they ultimately failed. My parent’s idea of a wise career choice was identifying my strengths and interests… and then finding a way to combine them with science.

I was good at drawing, and because I believed that the only valid career choice for me would be an architect, I planned my high school classes according to what was required to reach this goal. Even then, my idea of success wasn’t being part of an architectural firm: I wanted to be the leader of my own firm. 

When I inevitably failed to reach my architecture goal because I’d never been good at math, I decided to pursue a goal that better fit my natural strengths. I opted for a career in social work. I had an interest in social work issues, it was a broad field that would never get boring for me, and it enabled me to help people.

Even when my heart was dead set on pursuing a career in social work, one part of my career plan didn’t change. I didn’t want to work for an organization — I wanted to start my own counseling practice. Even before I knew it was possible for me to start my own creative business, professional independence was always a goal of mine. 

If you identify as a highly sensitive person (HSP) like I do, you might be able to relate to the desire to try your hand at your own business. On one hand, it may not make sense to you. After all, aren’t business owners these aggressive, profit-obsessed sharks who seem to be the exact opposite of sensitive? Not necessarily. If you take a closer look at what it really means to own your own business and the strengths you can offer to clients, you’ll see that entrepreneurship makes perfect sense for us HSPs. We’re natural leaders because of the many strengths that come with being highly sensitive. And we tend to take a great deal of satisfaction in building a business that matters — and delivers success for everyone, not just ourselves.

Here’s how we do it.

4 Reasons HSPs Make the Best Business Owners

1. You know how to have deep conversations — and make connections.

Anyone with even a basic understanding of marketing knows that being pushy isn’t how you sell things or build success.

In reality, successful business involves fostering trusting relationships with customers and clients. A deep understanding of people, their needs, and their motivations makes those relationships possible — and HSPs typically have little problem doing so because of the way we operate. 

Not only do we prefer deep talk to small talk, but we also enjoy fostering meaningful conversations — which lead to, you guessed it, meaningful relationships.

In addition, the highly sensitive brain picks up on subtle cues from others naturally. This, and the fact that HSPs are the ultimate body language experts, also helps us be naturals when it comes to reading people and connecting with them. Speaking of which…

2. You have a talent for discerning clients’ needs. 

According to a 2014 study, highly sensitive people are more responsive to the emotional needs of others compared to their less-sensitive counterparts.Their particularly active mirror neuron networks are activated in response to the emotions of loved ones and strangers. The areas of the brain related to empathy, integration of sensory information, awareness, and preparation for action light up when they perceive an emotional response. 

As an HSP, you likely possess the ability to pick up on what other people need (for better or worse!) and the way your brain works compels you to respond to these needs. In business matters, you can use this desire to tailor your product or service to the needs of your clientele and plan your marketing in such a way that reaches as many people as possible. 

3. Your creative flair helps your business stand out.

Even when we don’t call ourselves artists, HSPs naturally add a creative flair to everything we do. This gift will serve you very well in business. In an increasingly saturated market, as an HSP, you will have no problem making your business stand out with your creativity. You’ll likely labor painstakingly over which color your logo should be or what sort of font to use on your website. Your attention to detail — coupled with your aesthetic sensibilities — will likely appeal to a broad audience, and will serve your clients well, too.

4. Your personal brand is authentic.

Highly sensitive people value authenticity. This is one of the reasons why many HSPs find it so difficult to be comfortable in traditional corporate settings that require workers to put their authenticity aside and participate in certain office politics. In such environments, oftentimes, people will do anything to get ahead, which goes against our nature as HSPs.

As an HSP business owner, however, no matter what products or services you choose to offer, your authenticity will appeal to customers and clients. Don’t be afraid to tell your story and reveal your personality to the world. The payoff will be big, trust me. 

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

For Highly Sensitive People, Running a Business Can Be a Source of Meaning

Highly sensitive people have many strengths that appeal to their clients and customers, but the entrepreneurial lifestyle brings many benefits to HSPs, as well. In fact, in her book, The Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Elaine Aron says that “self-employment is a logical route for HSPs.” Here’s why:

• You can choose your own hours. HSPs hate busy schedules and being rushed. I think this is why we’re prone to exhaustion and burnout — because of the way our brains differ from those who are less-sensitive. Even at rest, the highly sensitive mind is processing information deeply. The flexible schedule of a career in as a business owner generally leaves room for needed recuperation (or whatever your mind and body need on any given day). 

• Tailor your work environment to your needs. Working for yourself, whether that means working from your home or a rented space, means you no longer need to work in an uncomfortable environment. You never have to deal with harsh lighting (HSPs are prone to light sensitivity), lumpy chairs, your coworker’s strong perfume (which triggers your chemical sensitivity), or the terrible thermostat decisions of others — in addition to 101 other things. In your place of business, you can create an HSP sanctuary suited to your sensory processing needs. 

• Do work that adds purpose to your life. HSPs can be successful at anything they do, especially if they believe their work serves a meaningful purpose. A strong sense of purpose is necessary for a highly sensitive person’s happiness. As a business owner, you will enjoy the freedom to follow your calling. 

My love of writing was apparent very early on, but because I was concerned about being “realistic” and pleasing authority figures, I didn’t consider it a career option. But I’m so happy I took the time to look within, listen to my HSP intuition, and find out what I truly wanted to do with my life. I now enjoy a career with unlimited potential for growth, the ability to express myself creatively, and the opportunity to do something that gives me a sense of purpose — all on my own terms.

My fellow highly sensitive souls, do you think you’d enjoy running your own business? What does your dream business look like? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• Highly Sensitive People Are Born Leaders. Here’s Why.
• Why ‘Highly Sensitive’ Is Just Another Word for ‘Deep Thinker’
• Yes, Sensitive People Can Crush It as Business Owners — Here’s How

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Move Over, Alphas: Highly Sensitive People Make the Best Business Owners appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Highly sensitive people can thrive in so many different spaces. Because of our appreciation for the arts, and often vivid imaginations, it’s no surprise that some of our most beloved authors have the sensitivity trait. During my literary adventures, I’ve learned that sensitivity also rubs off on the characters we create — from the way they process things more deeply to the way they easily get overstimulated to the way they absorb others’ emotions (often more so than their own!). 

If you were a bookworm as a child, maybe you’re familiar with the feeling that your closest friends lived in a fictional story. That’s how I felt. In school, I was an outsider and didn’t always understand my classmates, but I could understand the characters in my books most of the time. I liked to think that they would be able to relate to me, as well, if they were real. 

Many HSPs feel out of place in the world but there are so many heroes, leaders, and icons who share our trait. Of course, there are the non-fictional ones, like Albert Einstein and Eleanor Roosevelt, but what about the ones we’ve grown to love through popular books and movies? Just a brief look at some of the most popular fictional stories will show you that high sensitivity is extremely common among some of the most beloved characters. They are not loved despite their sensitivity, but largely because of it. 

Here are seven fictional characters I’ve fallen in love with through my TV screen and via some of my favorite books. They all display characteristics that have led me to believe that they are highly sensitive people. When I struggle to feel good about my sensitivity, which is a big part of who I am, it often helps to find inspiration in other HSPs whom I admire — real or fictitious.

7 Highly Sensitive Fictional Characters To Inspire You

1. Jane from Jane Eyre 

I read Charlotte Brontë’s masterpiece, Jane Eyre, at the age of 15. I remember being impressed by the protagonist’s grace and maturity even through her nightmarish childhood. Raised by an aunt who hates her, Jane is sent to an abusive boarding school called Lowood School. Through it all, she stays true to herself, led by her deep commitment to her personal value system. 

Since childhood, Jane’s been strong-willed and outspoken, two personality traits that are not usually associated with sensitivity. However, in getting to know Jane through her story, I learned that she drew strength from her tendency to think deeply and empathize with others — even the ones who had done her wrong. Her obvious depth of processing and her emotional responsiveness are two expressions of her sensitivity that make her the strong, fiery character we love. 

As HSP expert April Snow mentions on her blog, many falsely assume that HSPs are “nervous wrecks” who can’t handle much. In reality, being a highly sensitive person is a survival mechanism — a gift from nature that has endowed us with amazing superpowers. Jane is an HSP who has tapped into her strength, and so can you. 

2. Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables

Anne of Green Gables, by L.M Montgomery, is the story of a dreamy young orphan girl who is accidentally sent to Marilla and Matthew Cuthbert, siblings who live on an idyllic property called Green Gables. When I first read this story as a child, I could relate to Anne’s imaginative nature. She’s a lonely child, and before arriving at Green Gables, her only friend is an imaginary girl named Katie Maurice. (I had an imaginary friend, too! Her name was Verandela and she lived in an imaginary country called Turtelan.) 

Of course, many children have imaginary friends — as many as 65 percent of them, apparently; however, retreating from the tedium of everyday life is an especially HSP habit. We are known to have rich inner lives, which often play out in our creative and vivid imaginations. This is certainly the case for Anne, who loves to read and get lost in her head. Though she never feels completely normal around her peers or the adults around her, she finds comfort in her imagination. (My fellow HSPs, can you relate?)

Though Anne’s journey isn’t always smooth, she eventually finds her way to the feeling of stability she’s been searching for since her childhood. One of her main strongholds, when she has nothing else, is her rich inner life — even if it made her stand out from the staunch realists around her. We should all remember to honor who we are, no matter how “different” we might seem to others. 

Here’s a perfect example from the book:

“Do you never imagine things different from what they really are?” Anne, wide-eyed, asked Marilla.

“No.”

“Oh!” Anne drew a long breath. “Oh, Miss–Marilla, how much you miss!”

3. Eleven from Stranger Things  

Stranger Things follows an endearing group of young, nerdy friends who discover supernatural forces and secret government schemes in their small Indiana town. It quickly became one of my favorite shows. The retro charm, the lovable characters, and the otherworldly elements all came together to create a unique, binge-worthy program. Eleven, played by Millie Bobby Brown, is a young girl with telepathic and psychokinetic powers. She’s my favorite character, and like most HSPs, Eleven is acutely aware of her surroundings and very intuitive. 

Shady scientists who work for the U.S. Department of Energy perform unethical experiments on Eleven to learn how they might make use of her unique powers. These intense experiments, one being the controversial Project MKUltra (a mind control tactic), renders her traumatized. 

When I first “met” Eleven, she seemed cold and unfriendly, but I later found out that her hard outer shell stems from this trauma. Evil Dr. Brenner, the scientist who exploits Eleven’s powers, reminds me of energy vampires, or narcissists who might seek to take advantage of an HSP’s empathy and willingness to help others. Dr. Brenner appeals to Eleven’s deep desire for a prenatal figure since she never knew her parents, but he ultimately betrays her trust. 

Luckily, in the end, Dr. Brenner and his posse are no match for Eleven’s powers, but they do not leave her unmarked. It takes a lot for Eleven to open up to the residents of the town where she goes to escape — and she eventually sees that they only want to help her. 

Because HSPs experience things more deeply than less-sensitive people, we may be more susceptible to the negative effects of unresolved trauma. Like Eleven, we might feel tempted to withdraw socially or refrain from opening up but we must remember the importance of connection. Eleven taught me that love, among other things, can counteract the effects of past abuse and trauma. 

4. Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones 

Game of Thrones (GOT), an epic fantasy based on a book series by George R. R. Martin, satisfied all my cravings for escape from the real world. It follows several characters in their fight to claim the “Iron Throne,” and there are dragons, epic battles, and sick costumes. When it was on the air, I looked forward to watching GOT every week for years. I always followed one character’s storyline especially closely.  Her hypnotic beauty might have had something to do with that, but her personality (throughout most of the series) was most captivating. Daenerys Targaryen, played by Emilia Clarke, is courageous, empathetic, and highly sensitive.  

She is extremely resilient, having gone through many forms of abuse by her brother and her husband. Through it all, her kindness and empathy, which are rare among nobles in the series, never stops. It also gains her loyal followers as her story progresses. She dedicates much of her reign to building the perfect society — helping the poor and taking down tyrants.

Daenerys is an excellent reminder of how powerful highly sensitive souls can be. If Daenerys hadn’t used her sensitivity to understand the people around her, there’s no way she would have been able to garner such strong support. For instance, she is able to assemble a massive army of about 60,000 Dothraki horsemen and 8,000 eunuch warriors called the “unsullied.” Her army, coupled with her magnificent dragons, make her unbeatable at one point. 

Conversely, Daenerys represents the shadow side of high sensitivity and reminds us how perfectionism can sabotage our happiness and success if we’re not careful. Because Daenerys has such high expectations of herself and the kingdom she is trying to build, she struggles to maintain a rational inner voice. The result is destructive. Who knows how amazing the new world could have been if Daenerys had known how to care for herself? Her sensitivity would have equipped her with the ability to lead a revolutionary society, that’s for sure.

5. Amélie Poulain from Amélie

Amélie Poulain, from the 2001 film Amélie, leads the dream life for many HSPs. She works at a quaint Paris café and lives quietly with her cat in a charming little apartment. She seems to get plenty of alone time like we sensitive types crave. The only thing missing from Amélie’s life is love and human companionship. She is extremely quiet and shy, and while some HSPs are actually extroverted, Amélie’s struggle with social situations is relatable for many of us.  

Despite what appears to be social anxiety, Amélie manages to brighten the lives of those around her, albeit behind the scenes. When Amélie finds a tin of rusty old children’s toys hidden in her wall, she is determined to find the owner and return it. When she finally manages to accomplish her goal, Amélie feels a deep sense of satisfaction and decides to become a helping force in the lives of everyone around her, describing the world in detail to a blind man and inspiring her widowed father to go on a vacation. The only person Amélie can’t seem to help is herself: She’s in love with a quirky young man named Nino, but can only manage to admire him from afar. 

According to a study published in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders, individuals on the Highly Sensitive Person Scale may be more likely to experience some subtypes of social anxiety disorder. Amélie’s example reminded me not to be a slave to my own fears. Highly sensitive people are just as strong as less sensitive people, but since we feel everything more deeply than others, the world can seem just a little scarier to us. That doesn’t mean we should hide away from our fears forever. When anxiety gets in the way of our enjoyment, it’s important to intervene and ensure nothing prevents us from living a full and happy life. 

Until Amélie sees the people she had helped living fully again, she doesn’t know how much she’s missing. Though she knows how to help others, she forgets how to care for herself (as so many of us do). Eventually, she has the courage to go after the love she’s been wanting for for so long. The courageous act can differ for all of us. For me, it was seeking help and finding a therapist when my anxiety became a significant hindrance in my life. 

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6. Primrose Everdeen from The Hunger Games

In Suzanne Collins’ dystopian story, The Hunger Games trilogy, 24 young people from 12-18 fight to the death in an annual tournament-like event called the “Hunger Games.” (It’s even televised for everyone to see and sensationalized like a reality television show.) The brave protagonist, Katniss Everdeen (played by Jennifer Lawrence), volunteers to fight in the 74th annual Hunger Games when her sister’s name is drawn. Katniss knew that her sister Primrose would not survive the Hunger Games competing against participants who trained for them since childhood. (Although many HSPs are sensitive to violent or scary movies, I bet some still enjoyed The Hunger Games!)

Though Primrose (played by Willow Shields) lacks a talent for hunting, which is more her older sister’s thing, she is a gifted healer like her mother. She often helps to create remedies in her mother’s apothecary, nursing patients back to health in the impoverished District 12 neighborhood where she lives. She loves and rescues creatures like Buttercup, a stray cat who becomes her cherished companion. Even in an extremely cruel world, Primrose maintains her compassion. 

According to Jenn Granneman in her Psychology Today piece, “Highly sensitive people are the artists, creators, and healers.” A highly sensitive person’s developed intuition and responsiveness to others’ needs make them the ideal healer — an extremely valuable role in any community. We can make a difference, even though our contribution isn’t always front and center, just like Primrose. She became a beloved member of her community who touched many lives with her healing hands and soft heart. 

7. Tina Belcher from Bob’s Burgers

The quirky Belcher family is the staple of Bob’s Burgers, a charming, hilarious cartoon. Together, the Belchers run a (struggling) burger joint called Bob’s Burgers. The show follows Bob, Linda, Tina, Gene, and Louise’s adventures as individuals and as a family. Perhaps the quirkiest member of the Belcher family is Tina Belcher (voiced by Dan Mintz), the eldest daughter. Some of her strange habits include groaning incessantly when anxious and speaking in a low, monotone voice. 

Tina demonstrates some of the telltale signs of an HSP: She’s very thoughtful and often gives deep, insightful advice. She leads a rich inner life — writing erotic fiction, watching movies, and listening to her favorite boy band, Boyz 4 Now. Tina is lovable, but undeniably weird. Many HSPs feel weird at some point, or at least different from the people around them. Watching Tina on Bob’s Burgers makes me remember the importance of staying true to ourselves. It’s not a bad thing to stand out sometimes, especially when our unique qualities, like Tina’s, can bring so much joy when we let it shine through. 

Most of us know how influential role models can be. We shouldn’t forget about the ones that guided us through the TV screen and the pages of our most beloved stories. Perhaps then we can see how special and deserving each and every one of us is. 

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

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You might like:

• 5 Literary Characters You’ll Relate to as a Highly Sensitive Person
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The post 7 Fictional Characters That Are Probably HSPs appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Disclaimer: I don’t intend to offend anyone who belongs to the religious sect I mention in the following article. Everything you read is based on research and personal experience. 

For most of my life, I was religious, but I only started unearthing my spirituality a couple of years ago. I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and was encouraged to cultivate a relationship with my heavenly Father. I was taught that He loved me and wanted me to make it to the paradise earth He would create, where no one would ever age, get sick, or die.

It sounds like a nice sentiment, but my entire experience within the faith was about fear. I was constantly terrified because I fell short of the religion’s high expectations. We were taught that “the wages of sin is death.” My terror was fueled by graphic depictions of judgment day, where sinners were to be destroyed. To this day, these chilling images are burned into my memory (and even more so because of my highly sensitive brain).

Being one of Jehovah’s Witnesses means a highly regimented life that involves several weekly meetings and an obligation to complete missionary work for as many hours as possible during the month. The high-status members of the congregation, called pioneers, were “spreading the word” as much as seventy hours per month.     

None of this suited my need for solitude or my distaste for telling others how to live their lives. As a highly sensitive introvert, I never felt good enough. By the time I graduated from high school, I had given up on my religion, yet my intuition told me that giving up on my faith wasn’t the right decision for me. 

Why I Didn’t Give Up on Faith 

Learning more about what it means to be a highly sensitive person (HSP) has taught me that being guided by spirituality is just part of my character. (Are you a highly sensitive person? Here are 21 signs that you’re an HSP.) Dr. Elaine Aron’s research reveals that I’m not alone. In her book, The Highly Sensitive Person, I read about the natural affinity HSPs share with spirituality, and Dr. Aron identifies some repeated experiences she had while interacting with HSPs in her work:

• The first occurred at the first HSP gathering at the University of California in 1992: Before she gave a speech, there was what Dr. Aron describes as a silence that resembled the atmosphere of a deep forest. Calm but remarkably alive. She observed that the once-ordinary assembly room was transformed by the presence of the individuals occupying it. Without saying a word, the HSPs had a profound, otherworldly effect on her.

• Dr. Aron mentions the considerate nature of HSPs in the way they think of others regarding even the smallest issues. In her courses for HSPs, she noticed that most highly sensitive people embraced her invitation to rest in silent meditation during sessions, whereas others responded with confusion, and even distress. 

• Dr. Aron found that HSPs spoke about their spirituality as if it represented a core part of their identity, with lots of thoughtful insight to which they undoubtedly dedicated time and consideration. “With the others, when I would ask about inner life, philosophy, relationship to religion, or spiritual practices, suddenly these voices had new energy, as though I had finally gotten to the point,” she wrote of her soulful conversations with HSPs. 

Of course, I know that many people manage to find real fulfillment in their devotion to organized religion, but I’ve learned that spirituality can involve so much more than belonging to a church. It simply means connecting with something higher than ourselves. To some of us, that means doing yoga; to others, it’s attending a mosque. Whatever the outlet, the end goal is achieving a sense of wholeness that seems to escape other people. Here are ways I think spirituality benefits HSPs.

5 Ways Spirituality Benefits Highly Sensitive People      

1. It gives HSPs a sense of purpose, which highly sensitive types love. 

HSPs seek purpose. Sometimes this desire feels like a burden. One of our definitive traits is depth of processing. On her blog, psychotherapist April Snow explains that highly sensitive brains have a larger insula, the region of the brain responsible for self-awareness and perception. We are constantly taking in a lot of information and we think very deeply about whatever we absorb. This can make it difficult for us to exist in the shallow waters of everyday life.               

That’s where faith comes in. Faith, in all its forms, can help us establish that sense of purpose many of us crave. Through spiritual practices, we can seek — and find — a deeper, more satisfying meaning to life that makes it feel more fulfilling.

Similarly, Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine suggests cultivating awe, gratitude, and altruism to connect with a higher purpose. All three of those sentiments can be developed through practices like volunteering and daily thanksgiving, as they foster a sense of being a part of something bigger than our own existence. 

2. It helps alleviate stress and anxiety as we focus on positivity, like gratitude.

Highly sensitive people are more vulnerable to the effects of stress and burnout. For me, stress manifests through extremely uncomfortable bodily sensations. I’ll never forget eleventh grade, when I was taking a course that I hated and was panicking about getting into my universities of choice. I had terrible gastrointestinal symptoms and believed I was terribly ill. I later learned that my body was screaming for relief from the immense pressure I was putting on myself. 

I wish I had known the value of spiritual practices back then that I now turn to for stress relief. I never knew the power of my inner strength until I started my (almost) daily gratitude practice. Since the stress of high school, I’ve dealt with many taxing situations, like being out of work and enduring family tragedy. I surprised myself with how I dealt with these trials, as I was able to find joy in every moment despite the difficult circumstances. My spirituality taught me that happiness comes from within me. 

Spirituality can build our resilience by helping us deal with anxiety in a healthy way. Many spiritual outlets encourage us to surrender the problems we can’t control to a benevolent higher power, which allows us to focus on finding solutions instead of dwelling on negativity. Research, too, shows that the ritualistic nature of spiritual practices can be extremely stress relieving.

3. It strengthens relationships, and HSPs do enjoy connecting deeply with others.

Spirituality encourages many pro-social behaviors that can help highly sensitive people have an easier time navigating their relationships. Because HSPs need a lot of downtime, we may tend to neglect connecting with others even when isolation is eating us up. Most spiritual beliefs make relationships a priority, many referring to all human beings as part of a global family. 

Despite our penchant for hermitting, HSPs usually have a lot of love to give, and a spiritual outlet can open doors to deeply enriching connections through charitable activities, group worship, and a general commitment to being there for the people in our lives. HSPs often have no trouble giving of themselves — we’re known for our empathic natures — but receiving support can be difficult. So being part of a spiritual community can teach us how to rely on our support systems when in need. 

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4. It inspires creativity, which comes naturally to highly sensitive people.

In the first chapter of The Highly Sensitive Person, when describing the basic nature of the trait, Dr. Aron highlights the fact that many HSPs are right-brain dominant. This means that thought processes are less linear and more synthesizing, which fosters a more big-picture,  intuitive, and creative style. It’s no surprise that many artists and other creatives are highly sensitive. In a chapter about thriving at work, Dr. Aron says, “Almost all HSPs have an artistic side they enjoy expressing.”

The tie to spirituality? I believe exploring spirituality can open up a whole new world of creative insight. In the animated movie Soul, creative flow is depicted as an elevated, transcendent state. Spirituality is the perfect avenue for HSPs to dive into the ocean of the subconscious and find inspiration within. Through this exploration, highly sensitive people can discover themselves and the world, creating something beautiful in the process. 

5. It celebrates sensitivity — it helps you pick up on subtle energies around you.

In recent years, sensitivity has gained more exposure through the internet and illuminating new research, which has been a blessing to many HSPs who felt like something was wrong with them before they came to understand their trait. Still, we are not the majority, as we only represent around 20 percent of the population. Plus, sensitivity is still misunderstood in society, often mistaken for weakness. This leaves many highly sensitive people with the idea that they are lacking in some way because they function differently from the majority of other people. 

In the realm of spirituality, sensitivity comes in handy. HSPs have the innate ability to pick up on subtleties others miss, and looking beyond the material facilitates transcendence. Most spiritual traditions provide a refuge for HSPs, where their loving, compassionate, and giving natures are cherished instead of outward characteristics, like being attractive or wealthy. 

Just imagine the possibilities!

Spirituality Can Be Your Stronghold as a Highly Sensitive Person 

When  I decided to embrace my spirituality, I became more grateful, more resilient, and less stressed. Every day, new challenges still pop up, but because of my faith, I’m confident in my ability to face them. As a person who tends to lack self-belief, like many other HSPs, unfortunately, a spiritual practice — in the form of gratitude, affirmations, and meditation — has worked wonders for my happiness and has gotten me into a flow state. 

Being highly sensitive is a gift, and spirituality can help us uncover the many blessings life has to offer if only we dare to claim them. Especially in times of civil unrest and global emergency, we should permit ourselves to draw strength from every support available, and you should know that the most powerful strength lives inside of you right now. 

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• How Spiritual Direction Can Help HSPs in Troubled Times
• 4 Ways Being Highly Sensitive Is a Divine Gift to the World
• How Practicing a ‘Flow State’ Is Revolutionary for HSPs

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post How Spirituality Benefits Highly Sensitive People appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.