Have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you could cry? Has your head ever felt like it was being caved in on all sides? Do you feel the weight of the world is enough to make you want to run and hide and just wait for it all to end? Have you hyperventilated or felt panic when there’s too much going on in or around you — too much noise, too many thoughts, etc.? Does any kind of time pressure cause you to lose your cool and crumble to pieces?

Do these scenarios sound overly dramatic or scarily accurate?

The truth is everyone experiences feelings of overwhelm from time to time. However, the way you respond to these questions may clue you into an aspect of your personality that you’re not yet aware of or that you’ve never quite fully understood. Maybe you’ve been this way for as long as you can remember. Maybe you’re used to being told you’re overly sensitive or have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

If you resonated with the above scenarios, there’s a good chance you might be a highly sensitive person (HSP).

What Is a Highly Sensitive Person?

I’ve written another post about what it means to be a highly sensitive person here, but in this article, I want to focus on a reoccurring challenge that is very common for HSPs. That challenge is overwhelm.

Merriam-Webster defines overwhelm as “to cover over completely: submerge; to overcome by superior force or numbers; to overpower in thought or feeling.”

If you’re a highly sensitive person who experiences overwhelm, you certainly can feel submerged, overcome, and overpowered. There are many different things that can lead to overwhelm for an HSP. Let’s look at three common sources.

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3 Common Sources of Overwhelm for HSPs

1. Your own thoughts and emotions

The majority of highly sensitive people are introverts (although 30 percent are extroverts). Introverts tend to have a very active inner thought life. While this can be an advantage when it comes to sorting through your thoughts before you speak — or making elaborate and well-calculated plans — it can be a challenge when dealing with overwhelm.

Whether you realize it or not, our thoughts determine much of our experience in life. When the thoughts in your mind are racing, negative, or worrisome, it leads to negative emotions. Once your thoughts have started directing your emotions, you no longer feel in control — and you feel overwhelmed by them.

2. The noises, sights, and sounds around you

Have you ever been in a room with a group of people and everyone around you is carrying on having a conversation — and all you can concentrate on are the sights and sounds around you? Highly sensitive people are quite sensitive to their environment. They notice subtleties that others might miss — or in their opinion, not-so-subtleties.

Loud music, the annoying beeping sound in the far distance, fluorescent lights, a room that’s much too cold or too hot. All of these things affect highly sensitive people more strongly than those who are not as sensitive and can lead to feelings of overwhelm — especially if they can’t remove themselves from the situation or change the input that’s overloading their senses.

3. A growing to-do list

Two wonderful traits of HSPs are their natural inclination toward empathy and conscientiousness. Typically people who are considered highly sensitive have big hearts and love to help others. They also tend to be perfectionists and care a great deal about everything they do.

Unfortunately, these two traits can easily lead to overwhelm as sensitive people:

1. Offer to help and take on more responsibilities than they can handle, and/or
2. Spend way too much time and energy on certain tasks, projects, etc., trying to make them perfect

As you can imagine, both of these scenarios put HSPs in a tough spot as they find their to-do list growing by the day. And due to their depth of processing, sensitive people can become stressed and overwhelmed when there’s too much to do in too little time.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

How to Cope With Overwhelm

1. Get out of your head and into the truth

When your own thoughts and emotions are overwhelming you, you have to get out of your head and into the truth. This will look different for different people, but here are my top suggestions:

• Write down your thoughts and feelings on paper, then beside them, write down the facts of the matter. For example: If you feel you have too much to do, write out your to-do list and what is required for each item. This helps put things in perspective. Or, you might try writing down a mantra, comforting saying, or line of scripture (if you’re religious) to help you combat your fears and worries.
• Talk to a trusted friend, counselor, or family member about what you’re thinking and feeling. It can be helpful to get some feedback from an outside source who can help you sort through your thoughts.

All of these strategies get the things that are in your head out into the open where they can be exposed to the truth.

2. Ask for accommodation or plan ahead

When you’re put in a situation where you’re exposed to sensory overload, you have two options. If you know beforehand that the situation is going to be overwhelming — say, a loud party — then you can plan ahead. Give yourself a “prep” talk (a prep talk is about preparing yourself for reality, not ignoring or pushing through difficult emotions) about what you will probably experience. Then, make a plan for how you will deal with it.

The second option is to ask for accommodation. Many times the people around you who are less sensitive don’t realize the impact it’s having on you and are willing to accommodate you if you ask politely. For instance, if you’re in a car with a group of friends and the music is way too loud, ask if they wouldn’t mind turning it down a bit. Sometimes you have to be your own HSP advocate.

3. Learn to say no and let good enough be good enough

As an HSP, you want to help everyone. You want to heal the world of hurt and wrongdoing. You want to have superpowers and be able to be in all places at once, doing all the things.

But this is a recipe for overwhelm for both HSPs and non-HSPs alike. There’s a two letter word you need to add to your vocabulary and start using more often… it’s the word “no.”

On the flip side, maybe you can help but you only do so in a limited way. This is when you have to do some serious soul-searching to determine who and what gets 100 percent of your energy and attention, and who and what only gets a limited portion. Sometimes you have to let “good enough” be good enough.

As a highly sensitive person myself, I know first-hand the challenges that come with the territory. I’m learning as I go and am actually beginning to appreciate my highly sensitive nature. Use these tips to lessen overwhelm when it rears its ugly head — so you can get back to the calm, confident state you desire.

You might like:

• Why Highly Sensitive People Get Mentally and Emotionally ‘Flooded’
• 21 Signs That You’re a Highly Sensitive Person
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand

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The post These 3 Things Are Big Sources of Overwhelm for HSPs appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I’ve struggled with insecurity for a good majority of my life. I remember when I was probably no more than 4 or 5 years old, looking down at my legs and thinking I hated the way my knees looked. What a strange thought for a child to have, right? But this insecurity went deeper than just my physical appearance.

Deep down, I’ve long battled with the belief that something is inherently wrong with me. Every little thing about myself that was different from those around me felt like a glaringly obvious flaw in my personhood. Why wasn’t I like my friends or my siblings?

As a child, I liked to play alone (for the most part), I liked to think about things deeply, I felt a lot of strong emotions, and I was overwhelmed by seemingly “little” things that didn’t bother other kids — like simply attending school or going to sleepovers at friends’ houses. Overall, I felt very “weird” and different from kids my age.

Even now as an adult, I find there are still some very obvious differences that make me feel like an outlier. I don’t particularly enjoy large parties or crowded bars. I find most conventional forms of entertainment (such as sports, the news, TV dramas, and social media) to be a real drain on my energy. I still enjoy spending time alone, I still like to think deeply, and yes, I still have a tendency to be overwhelmed by things (like a lack of sleep or a too-busy schedule), more so than your “average” adult.

Sometimes it feels really lonely to be different, or at least, to feel different than others. It wasn’t until I discovered that I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP) that these differences started to make sense — and I started to feel less alone. To find out there are other people who experience the world in a similar way felt refreshing and comforting.

Still, the journey to accepting my own sensitivity — in what seems like a very insensitive world — has been a difficult one. Wouldn’t it be easier to simply “fit in”? (The answer is no, and trust me, I’ve tried!)

As a wellness coach, I know that a big contributing factor to one’s overall wellness is determined by mindset. How we handle adversity, how we deal with uncertainty and setbacks, how we cope with stress, whether or not we build resilience, how positive or negative our thoughts are, and how we feel about ourselves… all these factors affect the state of our mental and emotional wellbeing.

And as a highly sensitive person, it’s my experience that these factors are the most difficult to remedy, particularly the thoughts/feelings/beliefs we have about ourselves.

Let’s take a closer look at what causes insecurity for HSPs, plus I’ll share with you my advice to start overcoming it.

What Causes Insecurity

In a Psychology Today article, Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D., attributes feelings of insecurity to three main causes, all of which seem fitting for the highly sensitive person:

1. Insecurity based on recent failure or rejection

Whether you’re an HSP or not, failure and rejection can prove fatal to your self-confidence. Maybe you weren’t blatantly rejected due to your sensitivity — or maybe you were — but chances are you’ve felt different or a little “off” because of it. Or perhaps you attempted something that required a lot of you emotionally or physically, and you weren’t able to keep up with non-HSPs, like a wild “girl’s weekend” away or a job in a fast-paced, hyper-competitive field. This left you feeling like a failure.

2. Lack of confidence because of social anxiety

HSPs are deep thinkers, lean more towards introversion (although there are exceptions), and tend to be empathetic — all qualities that are wonderful but can contribute to social anxiety under some circumstances. Anxiety because you don’t enjoy small talk; you’d rather talk about deep, meaningful things. Anxiety because you don’t prefer crowds or large get-togethers; you prefer one-on-one or small group interactions where you can focus deeply. Anxiety because other people’s emotions can grate on you like sand paper and leave you feeling like you need to apply soul balm after being around them for too long.

3. Insecurity driven by perfectionism

As a highly sensitive person, it’s likely that you see a lot. More than other people see. You see (and tend to focus on) the inconsistencies, the injustices, and the things that are “not quite right” in the world. Because of this, it’s easy to develop perfectionist tendencies. You want things to be and feel “just right,” kind of like Goldilocks. So when things don’t measure up to your standards, it’s hard to feel good or secure about anything.

These are all very important areas to understand, and Greenberg’s article does a wonderful job providing helpful tips for overcoming these three issues. However, I’d like to add another cause of insecurity, one that I believe may be even more potent for HSPs — shame.

Shame is a deep belief that there’s something wrong with you, and that if only you could fix yourself, you’d feel secure. So how can you, as an HSP, learn to overcome this belief and find security and confidence? I have a whole course devoted to this topic, but here a few quick tips to help you get started.

How You Can Overcome Insecurity as an HSP

1. Start using your voice — speak up!

Do you find it difficult to share your feelings or opinions with others? I know I do. One thing that keeps us feeling insecure is the inability to open up and share who we really are.

Trust me, I get it. You don’t want to be the loud mouth who rambles on incessantly and plows over everyone else to get in their “two cents.” And you don’t want to say something insensitive or contribute before you’ve really thought something through all the way. But there comes a point when you have to start using your voice and expressing how you feel and what you think. It’s freeing to use your voice, and with practice, you’ll begin to find you actually have a lot to say and a lot to contribute!

Tip: As you get started, practice first with close friends, family, and loved ones who you know love and support you.

2. Directly ask for what you want and need.

Everyone is unique in what they want and need in this life to be happy, healthy, and secure. Even two HSPs who share a lot of needs for happiness can still differ in many regards. Chances are you’ve gone through most of your life attuned to what other people want and need and are doing your best to accommodate… all because you care.

I’m here to tell you that not asking for what you want and need is a recipe for insecurity. Just like not using your voice, if you never acknowledge, let alone ask, for what YOU want or need, it’s like saying you don’t matter. Now this isn’t about being selfish or not caring about others. This is about acknowledging that just like everyone else on this planet, you, too, have things you want and need — and that’s perfectly okay.

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Tip: The next time someone asks what you want, try responding with what you actually want, not what you think they want you to say. This was a hard one for me, but trust me, it will get easier with time!

3. Believe in your own value.

What makes someone or something valuable? Most everyone will have a preconceived idea or belief around this, whether they know it or not. As an HSP, you might have a very strong belief around what is considered valuable. I want you to take a moment to think about it.

Now, let me challenge you and ask that you forget your definition of “valuable.” The truth is, everything and everyone has value, it’s just that we, as humans, judge how valuable something is based on our own beliefs, desires, and needs. But judging someone’s value, including our own, is not our job or our responsibility. And if we are the caring people we claim to be, then it is certainly more caring and loving to believe that all people have inherent value — including ourselves!

Tip: Try starting the day with a positive mantra. It can be as simple as “I am valuable.” Use this whenever you’re feeling insecure.

Helping people build confidence and live healthier, happier, more fulfilling lives is something I’m passionate about, because it’s something that I’m working toward every day, too. It’s a journey, not a destination, and we are all en route. As an HSP, I know it can feel lonely, overwhelming, and even scary to make changes and move forward on your journey, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Keep learning, practicing, and using the tips I’ve shared — you can do it! I believe in you.

You might like:

• 12 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person With a ‘Rainforest Mind’
• This Simple Concept About Balance Changed My Life as an HSP
• How to Actually Get Stuff Done as an HSP

The post How to Overcome Insecurity as a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.