I had no idea when I sat down beside my brother in the hospital waiting room just how stressful it would be. We were waiting around for our mother’s surgery to end — anxiety-provoking on its own — but something ordinary caused me to become even more agitated to the point of panic: someone chewing a stick of gum.

It wasn’t that the chewing was even that loud. There was no bubble popping or anything inappropriate, just regular chewing by a guy merely wanting the time to pass more quickly. 

I scanned the floor. People’s eyes were in their magazines, their phones, or gazing off into the distance. This typical, everyday activity did not phase anyone else.

But, when you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), certain noises can make you feel like the walls are closing in, and you must run away to stay sane. 

When Everyday Noises Are Too Much

Yes, some sounds tend to bother many people, like nails on a chalkboard or a baby crying.

According to Dr. Elaine Aron, an expert and pioneer in highly sensitive people, HSPs have an even greater susceptibility to noise compared to non-HSPs. This is because they process information more thoroughly, are more easily stimulated, are more aware of subtle stimuli, are more empathic, and have higher emotional reactivity. 

All this boils down to an innate temperament trait (and not a disorder), in which you are acutely affected by the environment and have highly attuned senses. The HSP nervous system gets amped up — always taking in information and stimuli in a variety of ways — and in this case, auditory information on the way to the brain becomes augmented, explains Aron. Often, it can be too much to bear for the hyper-stimulated HSP.

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7 Sounds That Put Me on Edge

All HSPs are different, so sounds that bother me may not bother you, and vice versa. Here are seven sounds that push me over the edge as an HSP. Can you relate?

1. Alarms

Alarms of any kind tend to set me off, but the absolute worst are smoke and house alarms. Even the little chirping sound when the battery is getting low can be too much, never mind a full-on alarm.

2. Phone notifications

Whether or not the volume is on high, phone or computer notifications are unpleasant for me. When I’m engrossed in something, the last thing I want is another stimulus! I’ve known a lot of highly sensitive people — introverted or not — who get jumpy and overly stressed when their phone or somebody else’s goes off. Let’s focus, people!

3. Wind

Many people enjoy driving convertibles. After all, it sounds very romantic to have sunshine on your face and wind wafting through your hair. But not if you’re a highly sensitive person! Personally, I don’t enjoy anything touching my sensitive ears at all. 

Similarly, there is a particular howling sound that a car makes when just one window is cracked open, and for me, it can be agonizing, although others may not notice it at all. 

Wind rattling a door or window is also likely to conjure up images of Amityville Horror or The Birds, along with an intense emotional response. As a result, HSPs might feel like they are part of a horror film!

4. Radio

Like many HSPs, I connect with and enjoy music immensely. However, add music or talk radio in the background when working, driving, or anything else that requires my attention, and suddenly it becomes the biggest annoyance of my day. 

5. Chewing

HSPs often notice people chewing — chewing gum, chewing food, chewing anything. Their sensitive ears tune into each bite, each movement of the jaw, and each tear and lip smack. What seems like an ordinary biological action can be physically painful for me to hear and sometimes emotionally triggering as well. 

6. Tapping

Tap, tap, tap! Whether it’s a pen hitting a desk or a foot brushing the floor, the sound is equally distracting for me, as I have a hard time blocking out this noise.

7. Background chatter

In addition to the stress of large crowds, if you’re an HSP, you might be very sensitive to background noise at a party, at work, or at a restaurant. While others feel energy from the sounds of activity, I often feel like I’m drowning in them! 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

How to Stop the Buzz

In the moment, it can feel like I’m trapped and forced to listen to these excruciating sounds, when in reality, I have options to deal with the noise and stress it brings me. Here are five things I’ve learned about reducing the impact of noise overstimulation:

1. Breathe.

When you connect to and focus on your breath, you drown out anything in the background. Try this simple breathing exercise:

• Put a hand on your stomach.
• Say to yourself, “I breathe in calm” and breathe deeply into your abdomen. 
• Let yourself experience your breath before you say, “I breathe out stress.”

Repeat this several times, and you’ll feel calmer and less triggered.

2. Cover your ears.

There are lots of options to physically create a barrier so you don’t hear the noise at all. You can wear a hat with earflaps, earplugs, or the latest in noise-cancelling headphones. Use your hands if you need to!

3. Approach with curiosity. 

Apply your empathy. Like all HSPs, you can use your emotional processing for good. Notice how much the person is enjoying what they’re chewing, or zero in on why they’re tapping their foot repetitively. He’s nervous, so hug him or say something kind, and the irritating noise is going to end — guaranteed.

4. Get the noise to stop.

Stopping the noise may be as simple as taking away the energy source, such as a battery or unplugging a cord. If you have the control to put an end to your misery, do it. If it’s in someone else’s hands, it’s trickier and more delicate to pull off without coming off as a flake (let’s face it, if you’re not an HSP, it’s harder to understand). 

Try asking in a joking way or share some interesting facts about HSPs. For example, I told my brother about HSPs and Misophonia, a condition also known as “selective sound sensitivity syndrome” that causes an extreme reaction to certain sounds. It worked! He became curious versus agitated by my request.

5. Remove yourself from the racket.

If all else fails, leave the space. Make any excuse you can, such as going to the bathroom, forgetting something outside or in another room — and don’t regret it. Do whatever you need to do to reduce your aggravation and feel good.

When you learn what triggers you, you avoid situations that might be too noisy for you in the first place like open-concept spaces, windy nights, or sitting next to a certain someone at a holiday dinner. Sometimes, it means giving yourself some quiet time to recharge so you can deal with anything that might come your way.

Finally, consider how grateful you are to have the gift of precise and exceptional hearing. Plenty of other people do not hear well or at all. Think about how intensely you can listen to birds singing, children laughing, waves crashing, and hearts beating. Taking the bad with the good is the key to resilience, and ultimately, happiness.

This article originally appeared on lisapetsinis.com and has been reprinted with permission.

You might like:

• When You’re Sensitive to Smells, You Really Do Get ‘Smangry’
• How Unhealed Trauma Affects HSPs
• 13 Problems Only HSPs Will Understand

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The post 7 Ordinary Sounds That Overwhelm HSPs appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

As unique individuals, we all approach dating and relationships with different personalities, preferences, backgrounds, and ways of doing things.

Sometimes, we’re even wired differently. Some of us are highly sensitive people.

What does being a highly sensitive person (HSP) mean exactly?

It means that you have an innate trait (and not a disorder), in which you are acutely affected by the environment and have highly attuned senses. Your central nervous system is amped up — always taking in information and stimuli in a variety of ways — and often, overstimulated by it.

Being Highly Sensitive Is a Survival Advantage

While this may sound negative, being a highly sensitive person is actually a survival advantage.

According to Dr. Elaine Aron, an expert and pioneer in highly sensitive people, 20 percent of the population is highly sensitive (men and women equally). That’s enough to know that you’re in good company, but not common enough that you’re generally understood.

Frankly, it’s hard to understand what being highly sensitive means it when you’re not the one experiencing it. This fact can make relationships a little tricky for you at times.

Dr. Aron’s data also shows that approximately 34 percent of love relationships involve at least one highly sensitive person, with the HSP usually being the unhappy one of the pair. That’s because highly sensitive people may feel extra stressed or disappointed when their needs go unmet in a relationship.

And sadly, many highly sensitive people feel misunderstood, or worse, like they’re a problem for others — even unlovable at times. Sometimes labeled as picky and overly emotional, HSPs struggle because they’re keenly aware of their surroundings, and well… feeling different.

But you know what? Different is fabulous, and high sensitivity can be an asset in any relationship. So if you’re a highly sensitive person, stop feeling alone in this matter and thinking of yourself as high-maintenance. And if you love a highly sensitive person, here are 10 things you should know.

If You’re in a Relationship With an HSP

1. HSPs feel deeply.

At times, highly sensitive people feel others’ emotions as intensely as their own.

Yes, they may cry easily when watching movies or reading books. It’s like they’re living the character’s life, fully taking in the experience as if it were their own.

When we walk into a room or are with the people we care about, we often sense what they need, even before they do.

Remember that being emotional is not being irrational. In fact, there’s a growing body of evidence that suggests that emotional intelligence leads to better decision making.

So if you can’t handle tears or jubilation, you’re with the wrong person. Don’t call your highly sensitive partner emotional or moody. Instead, see their empathy as a gift and innate ability to be there for people in need. They’ll be there for you when you’re down or confused. And when you’ve hit a high, they’ll be elated along with you, too.

2. HSPs have acute hearing.

They may even hear things others don’t — hear them more intensely. This includes sounds of bubble gum chewing, the rattling of keys, or background noise when they’re trying to concentrate.

As a highly sensitive person myself, I remember so clearly the time the house alarm system malfunctioned, and the alarm rang for two hours straight until I finally ripped the wires apart in desperation. I thought I would die from the shrillness and force of the sound. The neighborhood dogs and I suffered profusely that night.

But just as a highly sensitive persona’s acute hearing can bring discomfort, it can be a blessing.

Think Wolverine: This superhero can hear at much greater distances than regular humans. In fact, his hearing is so fine that he can use it to react more quickly and gain knowledge sooner than others — even using it as a lie detector.

Aside from the practical survival advantages, the HSP’s super-sensitive ears allow them to enjoy fine symphonies and soulful ballads. They will melt if you write them a song on your guitar.

But, do your highly sensitive partner a favor, and try not to startle him or her — unless you want them jumping into your arms!

3. HSPs can have delicate taste buds and food sensitivities.

Highly sensitive people may have very specific tastes in foods and have food sensitivities, too.

Imagine not being able to eat anything you want and seeing others delight in a buttery lobster or perfectly al dente wheat pasta. For an HSP, a lemon may taste excessively sour and arugula excessively bitter. But, oh, they will revel in the sweetness of one single square of dark chocolate and your kisses that will never be enough!

Be warned: They probably do not wish to discuss or be reminded of their perceived food issues at every meal. They’ll eat what they can and want to, and that’s that!

And please don’t fret if they seem to make dinner dates more complicated. Just call ahead and make sure there’s at least one item on the menu your HSP partner can enjoy.

4. HSPs may have an enhanced sense of smell.

If you’re dating an HSP, they may sometimes be shy in bringing up scent sensitivities to you. Your highly sensitive partner doesn’t want to come across as rude, but maybe your girlfriend really can’t take that new soap you bought, or your boyfriend dislikes the overly sweet smell of your shampoo.

And if the smell of cooking chicken makes your sweetie gag, there’s probably something wrong with it, and you’d better not eat it either. Their olfactory system is on alert for danger, and you’ll benefit from that, too.

That said, their noses are also meant for enjoyment. Their pheromones have been called to a higher duty. Get the fragrance right, and you’ll be in for a passionate night!

5. HSPs are sensitive to (and responsive to) touch.

The post 10 Things You Should Know About Being in a Relationship With an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.