I could feel her agony and loneliness as if it were my own. Even as I write that sentence, my eyes well up and heaviness fills my heart. Then, I’m reminded to apply the advice I give others.

My mom was a special person, a highly sensitive soul just like me. Actually, I’m so much like she was, yet so different. One of the differences between us is that I had an opportunity to observe her life’s challenges. I saw her challenges reflected within myself and made a conscious choice to find healthy ways to cope.

You see, my mom was a deep feeler and felt the emotions of people near and far. I imagine it was her strong empathy and personal challenges that led her to want to help others, as a wounded healer in a sense.

But as a helper and healer, she struggled with her mental and emotional health over the years. Witnessing her life moved me to learn how to regulate my own sensitive emotions and set healthy boundaries.

Did Her Empathy Make Her Sick?

Sometimes I wonder if not knowing how to manage her empathy is what made her sick.

There are many ways to understand the challenges my mom battled before her death in 2007. From her perspective, she had a rare, unknown physical illness. Some who knew her may have thought she was manipulative and attention-seeking. Some would see an addiction to pain medication. Psychologists would diagnose her with psychosomatic disorder, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder.

Maybe all and none of those explanations are true. But perhaps she didn’t have any “disorder” at all. I’m not really asserting that to be true, but merely posing a curious question. What if she was just a sensitive, empathic person who lacked the skills to manage the pain around and within her? What if one unhelpful coping mechanism led to a slew of other ailments?

I believe my mom felt real physical and emotional pain. I struggled to fully understand her over the years. But after many years of reflection, I now trust her experience because of what I know about my own sensitive nature.

“Sometimes I think I need a spare heart to feel all the things I feel.”

~Sanober Khan

For Me, Emotional Pain Shows Up Physically

As sensitive people, we may present with high emotion and feel easily overwhelmed by our senses. We’re often told by the world that there’s something wrong with us. And as we start to believe that, we tend to tuck these traits away into our “shadow” or unconscious mind.

Well, now we’ve not only tucked away our core nature, but possibly the empathic depth that goes along with being a highly sensitive person as well. There may be a part of us that knows that we’re emotional sponges. Yet, we may choose to ignore our nature without really learning how to manage our empathy in such a way that prevents “dis-ease” and fosters well-being.

This was me for a long time.

Not only am I prone to feeling depleted and drained in situations with certain people, but the emotional pain of others tends to show up in my physical body. When I over-feel, my throat feels like it’s closing and as my chest constricts, my chronic back pain flares up.

My boyfriend was complaining of one of those small, painful pimples inside his nose recently. I got one as well. We joked about sympathy pains, but I do wonder sometimes.

I’ve felt the emotional pain of my family, friends, clients, and strangers. It’s not a simple, “Oh, I feel bad for him.” It’s feeling the despair and rejection of that teenager whose parents didn’t pick him up when he was released from the behavioral hospital where I worked. It’s the deep anguish of being that relative who feels no one believes her and she’s all alone.

I feel challenged to find the right language to express it all because the deep heartache and heavy burden is a feeling not a word.

I Wouldn’t Trade My Sensitivity for Anything

The thing is that no matter how painful it is to feel the weight of the world in my body, I wouldn’t trade my depth and ability to feel for anything. The empathy that comes with high sensitivity is a true gift if we know how to use it.

We need more kind, compassionate souls if we want to heal the world. Sensitive people have a natural capacity to show kindness because of our profound empathy.

Deep empathy gives us a special strength in relating and connecting to others. When we genuinely care, we’re more apt to be able to understand another person in a way not that all people can. Our sincerity can help us to develop meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

Relationships offer us a chance to not only grow a deep sense of connection with another human being, but also an opportunity to learn about ourselves. Both of these are integral to the human experience.

And as sensitive people, we not only feel the intensity of pain, but also the intensity of joy.

How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

Yet, regulating our empathy is key to stopping the flood of emotion from overwhelming our ability to cope and care for our well-being.

If we want to stop absorbing emotional baggage from others, it all starts with taking care of our physical, social, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. I know it sounds like the whole world is harping on the idea of self-care, but there’s a reason for this.

When our own immune system or energy is depleted, we become a perfect sponge for sopping up emotions. We must take care of ourselves to avoid absorption in the first place. Here are six tips to do just that.

1. When you notice heavy emotion, start by labeling what you’re feeling.

Labeling helps to bring us into a state of pause, which can help us to gain a little distance from the emotional experience for a moment.

2. Ask yourself whether what you’re feeling is yours, someone else’s, or a mix of the two.

It can be difficult to discern the difference sometimes. One approach I like to take is if I think I might be feeling a particular person’s “stuff,” I’ll imagine the person as completely whole, content, and full of light. Then I’ll revisit my own experience and see if I still feel the same way.

This played out in a recent loss in my life. While I was experiencing my own grief, when my relative who was closest to this person seemed to start to heal, I realized that much of my sadness released as well.

3. The moment you catch yourself feeling emotions that aren’t yours, raise your awareness of what’s happening within you.

It can help to say the word “compassion” to yourself as a way of intentionally focusing on what you can do to be supportive rather than allowing yourself to be overpowered by emotion.

4. Take a deep breath and notice where in your body you feel the most calm, grounded, or neutral.

It might be as simple as your toe or finger. Bring your attention to that place in your body and allow it to be a centering force to keep you grounded while you process and release any feelings you may have absorbed. Sometimes just having one calm place in our body can serve as a resource when the rest of you is feeling overwhelmed.

5. Return the other person’s emotions to them.

It’s not your responsibility to carry other people’s emotional distress, and equally important, it helps absolutely no one. Try saying to yourself, “I’m letting this emotional pain that is not mine go now.” Remember that other people have to go through their own processes in order to grow.

6. Use visualization to fully release the emotions.

I find that it helps me to visualize a waterfall flowing through my body as a final release of any residual emotional gunk I might be carrying.

At the center of all of the above steps is building the awareness to know when we’re allowing ourselves to absorb and and adopting tools to reduce this propensity. As a sensitive person, your empathy is a gift that the world needs. It’s up to each of us to channel our empathy into greater compassion so that we can remain strong and well.

This post was republished with permission from Tiny Buddha. You can find the original post here.

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The post How I Learned to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Have you had a travel experience that left you exhausted? Perhaps you had an overscheduled itinerary? Or maybe your pace differed from your fellow travelers.

I’ve been there. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I can get overstimulated by noise, crowds, and thinking through the many choices travel can involve. And I’ve often yearned for silence among travel companions who wouldn’t stop talking.  

For example, I had an ex who was always ready to traverse every inch of a city, even after a sleepless overnight bus ride. I’d drag myself along, despite my body’s protests.

Back then, I didn’t understand my sensitive nervous system. I loved traveling, but I didn’t realize that trying to keep up with a rhythm that wasn’t mine would inevitably lead to depletion (and, often, arguments). I constantly felt like there was something “wrong” with me.

It wasn’t until years later that I began to understand my sensitivity. My desire to get to know the world, and the exhaustion that often accompanied it, suddenly made sense to me.

I became more intentional about traveling in ways that respected my needs. This made such a difference for me that I knew I had to bring other HSPs together to travel in this way.

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How I Created Travel Retreats Specifically for Highly Sensitive People 

I didn’t want to limit HSP travel to retreating to a bubble away from all stimuli. After all, we learn about other cultures by getting to know the people. A little discomfort or challenge when traveling can be enriching and help us grow.

But we also need time to process, regulate, and rest. And we highly sensitive types benefit from travel companions who understand, and respect, these needs. So, I thought…

• What if we can offer sensitive travelers a way to experience the world as it is, but with structures that allow for flexibility and alone time? 

• What if I created a group environment that encourages (and celebrates) nonconformity and the right to participate in your own way?

• What if tending to the needs of sensitivity — and connecting with other HSPs — can allow our sensitive strengths to unfold and flourish?

I imagined… and then took a chance.

And I’m sure grateful I did. I’ve now organized 17 meaningful immersions to Guatemala, Peru, Mexico, Colombia, Portugal, and the U.S. for sensitive travelers from around the world, ranging in age from 18 to 78. 

I love offering travelers an opportunity to get to know the cultures and landscapes we visit at a slower pace than typical group travel. And, of course, I’ve been able to provide a space for HSPs to feel seen and heard while building community with like-minded people. 

Many HSPs report a sense of belonging they’ve been seeking their whole lives. And if you’re a highly sensitive person yourself, you know we really value deep and meaningful friendships and connections with others.  

Over the last six years of leading my HSP Retreats, I’ve met many incredible sensitive souls who have taught me just as much as I may have taught them. Here are some key things I’ve learned about sensitivity as a result.

4 Key Things Leading HSP Retreats Has Taught Me About Sensitivity

1. Sensitive people are strong people — they’re willing to be open and vulnerable with each other.

When I tell folks about my retreats, they often respond in ways that assume sensitive people are fragile and need “fixing.” The truth is, the people who attend these retreats are some of the strongest I’ve met. 

There are first-time solo travelers that are so brave to venture across the world and put their trust in my planning. HSPs have a willingness to be vulnerable and real with each other, even when it feels scary. They tend to be committed to examining — and healing — dysfunctional patterns, whether it be in themselves, families, or communities. All this takes courage and is the bedrock for true connection to blossom. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

2. HSPs have a lot in common, but we’re also diverse. 

HSPs often feel at home when meeting others who know what it’s like to go through life processing so much. At the same time, I’ve come to notice and appreciate our diversity. 

HSPs feel and analyze to varying degrees — we have different sensory sensitivities. HSPs can be very spiritual people, scientific materialists, and everyone in between. 

The strengths of HSPs manifest in all kinds of ways, too. Sometimes when we witness an admirable quality of sensitivity in another, we recognize that quality as a strength in ourselves. Other times, we celebrate the diverse gifts that sensitivity offers the world. What’s important is welcoming the full spectrum of what it means to be sensitive.

3. HSPs benefit each other in transformative ways. 

All HSPs have important insights, knowledge, and lived experiences to share that, collectively, go far beyond what any one person can teach. 

Many retreats follow a top-down model in which the facilitator shares their expertise and promises growth or healing. Yet the means for transformation can come from the group itself. 

My intention has always been to create the conditions for meaningful connection so that HSPs may share their stories and learn from one another. In this way, I hold the supportive container, but every group member plays a vital role in generating the experience.

4. For HSPs, subtle shifts can have profound impacts. 

Sometimes, I hesitate to use the term “life-changing” because it sounds a bit hyperbolic. Some HSPs do come out of my retreats with new friends, or perhaps clarity about their life direction, purpose, or relationships. 

Still, others say the shift they feel is more subtle — a change they can’t quite identify, but has shifted their perspective or given them some peace. I have an appreciation for these indefinable shifts, as I know they, too, change lives in ways that can endure, just in a quieter, subtler way that HSPs seem particularly poised to benefit from and appreciate. 

There’s something truly special that happens when sensitive travelers come together in a way that honors sensitive needs and strengths. I’m incredibly grateful to witness HSPs change the way they see themselves, form deep connections, and grow together, all while experiencing new cultures, landscapes, and ways of living.

Want to take the stress and drain out of travel, and experience what it’s like to travel with other HSPs? I invite you to check out my upcoming 2023 HSP Retreats to find a travel experience that is right for you and use code HSR50 for $50.00 off your retreat. 

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The post What Leading HSP Retreats Has Taught Me About Sensitivity appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Do you experience anxiety when fall sweeps in? If your mood and energy suddenly feel off balance at this time of year, you’re not alone. 

As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I’ve known this feeling since childhood. It’s the anticipation that arrives when the vibrant glow of summer wanes and crisp air whispers that change is imminent.

Perhaps you dislike the inevitable shorter days and colder weather. Maybe you simply have an unsettled feeling that arises from associations, memories, and existential anxiety that can’t quite be expressed through words. 

If you can relate, you know the very real feeling of autumn anxiety.

Why HSPs Are Prone to Autumn Anxiety

While autumn anxiety is not an official mental health diagnosis, anxiety in fall is common. Some clinicians suggest anxiety may be triggered by dwindling sunlight and heightened for those anticipating change, Seasonal Affective Disorder, or upcoming holiday anniversaries.

Although anyone can experience autumn anxiety — highly sensitive or not — it’s likely that HSPs are more susceptible to it. Therapist Gillian Scully, who coined the term, has said, “It seems that people who are already quite sensitive and aware of their surroundings have been experiencing these feelings.”

(Not sure if you’re an HSP? Here are 21 signs that you’re highly sensitive.)

Highly sensitive people are keenly aware of environmental subtleties and feel nostalgic memories deeply. It’s understandable why your nervous system may feel destabilized during seasonal change.

There’s also another way to understand the seasonal change. 

Understanding Autumn from a Yogic and Ayurvedic Lens

As a yoga teacher, I find it important to consider some of the basic principles of Ayurveda, yoga’s “sister science” for understanding health, that I’ve learned from my teachers. Anyone can benefit from simply aligning more with the seasons and nature to restore and nourish well-bring, but I find this is especially true for my highly sensitive students. 

Ayurveda conceptualizes that all living beings have specific constitutions or doshas (vata, kapha, pitta) that correspond to the elements (water, fire, earth, air, and ether). The unique makeup of these within each person defines their physical, emotional, and mental characteristics and lifestyle recommendations in order to bring the doshas into balance. 

Likewise, the seasons of the year are also governed by doshas and autumn is known as “vata season.” This means that the vata constitution, which corresponds to the elements of air and ether is dominant at this time of year. Autumn is associated with qualities such as windy, dry, cool, unstable, and variable. 

While this perspective says that vata is dominant for everyone in fall, you can imagine how you might be affected as a highly sensitive person with a system that is constantly processing, managing overload, and perhaps experiencing variable emotions.

To bring the doshas into balance, the other elements are to be harnessed. Thus, this is a time of year for grounding, gentle warming, and stabilizing. 

Even if you don’t subscribe to these teachings, you can still see how a person’s mood and mindset can be strongly affected by the natural and social changes of the seasons, and how these principles can be helpful while navigating those changes.

9 Yogic and Ayurvedic Tips to Ease Autumn Anxiety

1. Align with the season.

If you tend to get sucked into longing for warmer days or dreading frigid temperatures, draw yourself into the present time of where you are now in this seasonal cycle. This is a time to reflect upon what you’ve sown and grown and harvest and savor the nourishment. It may be a time of releasing and letting go. By integrating your inner system with your outer environment, you’ll be more able to trust in the cycles of dissolution and renewal and less fixated on your likes and dislikes. 

2. Make time for daily ritual.

If you consider that this is a season of change and variability, it’s obvious that some sense of routine can help to stabilize. Yet, while highly sensitive people may benefit from routine, if you’re like me, you may not dig it. That’s completely okay. One of the ways I appease this part of me that dislikes routine is to allow for variety and exploration within routine. For example, you might set aside a regular time for a yoga practice, but listen to the seasons of your body to determine what sort of breath and movement practice would be beneficial. One of my students takes morning walks and noted that she changes the route a little each time to maintain interest. 

3. Create a sensitive sanctuary.

While not everyone has the privilege of expansive space or freedom from neighbor noise, you may still have a space in your home that you can dedicate as a sacred corner for your ritual practice. Maybe it is also the place where you go to be with your emotions. Keep it simple but feel free to be creative. Cozy blankets, noise cancelling headphones, candles, and special mementos can all help facilitate a feeling of enjoying the process of turning inward…where your home, body, and mind are places you want to be.

4. Sync with sunlight.

Aligning with the day and night cycles is just as important to your system as the cycles of the seasons. You may not be an early bird and I’m certainly not suggesting to go to sleep at 6 p.m. Yet, it’s important to sync with those morning daylight hours and your circadian rhythm as much as possible. Rather than setting an early alarm, you might start going to sleep a little bit earlier each night so you’re more naturally able to wake up early. 

5. Restore with grounding yoga practices.

You already know that yoga can support you in focusing and settling your senses. This is a good time to move slowly and integrate mildly warming practices that facilitate stability and groundedness. You might focus on poses that center you in your feet and legs or restorative practices that allow you to feel your body nestling into the ground. This is also the season for turning inward with meditation practices and practicing calming pranayama (breath regulation). Yoga nidra (yogic sleep) is also a wonderful way to relax and replenish.

6. Eat and cook with the season.

Consider the local foods in your region that you can integrate into your cooking and diet. Nature does a wonderful job of supplying the nutrients you need in a given time of year. Overall, this is the time to opt for warm, cooked, grounding, and seasonal foods (squash, hearty greens, sweet potatoes, apples, brussel sprouts, nuts, oils, mild spices, etc.) and really engage your senses mindfully in the process of cooking and preparing them. Here is one of my favorite fall ayurvedic recipes.

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7. Stay connected.

Though autumn is a time of harvesting and turning in, this doesn’t equate to isolation. Autumn is a vital time to balance inward-oriented practices and activities with healthy community connection. You might consider seasonal activities with loved ones you can safely partake in during the pandemic: socially distanced outdoor activities like visiting an orchard or building a campfire. 

8. Explore creativity and curiosity.

There was a time in my life when I despised winter, so I didn’t care for autumn since it leads to winter. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I made a commitment to spend time outdoors doing activities I love such as hiking, even in cold weather. Consider how you might awaken curiosity and explore the most mundane aspects of your surroundings, even when it’s gloomy. Perhaps there’s a new hobby to try out or an old childhood pastime to reignite. 

9. Show yourself compassion.

There may be moments when not every part of you is fully available to practice and engage with the tips above, and that’s okay too. In those moments, whether life feels heavy or you feel like a frenetic mess, give yourself a break. Be loving and compassionate to those parts of yourself too, just as you would to a friend going through a tough time. 

When anxiety comes with seasonal changes, it can be helpful to remember the simple truth that seasons do indeed cycle. Summer will come again, emotions will shift, and you’ll always get through it.

You’re Invited to a Virtual Yoga Retreat

If you want to align with autumn and ease anxiety, I invite you to join my three-day Virtual Travel & Yoga Retreat specifically intended to support highly sensitive people this season. With a community of HSPs, you’ll experience nourishing yoga classes, restorative practices, cozy seasonal recipes, supportive reflection circles, and the heart of Peru with rituals and workshops from our guides abroad. Create a sensitive sanctuary within your home, body, and mind this fall to access calm and courage in transitional times. 

Take $10 off your spot with code HSR10. Register by 9/28 and receive a special autumn care package in the mail. Click here to sign up.

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The post For Highly Sensitive People, Autumn Anxiety Is Real appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Yet, being an HSP leader comes with real challenges that can feel overwhelming. This is especially true if you’ve received a lifetime of false messages about what it means to be a leader. 

You’ve been fed a paradigm that says leaders have bold confidence, magnetic charisma, and quick thinking abilities. These qualities are still very much valued in our society, so you may be slow to see yourself as a leader or feel frustrated when you’re undervalued.

This happens even to HSPs in established leadership positions. I have to admit that occasionally a part of me falls prey to this narrow notion of leadership. When it does, I start to doubt myself. And that doubt can make me question whether I embody leadership qualities at all.

It’s taken me twenty years to let go of limiting beliefs about what a leader is and embrace the important skills I bring to my work as an HSP who guides international retreats for sensitive people.

But, despite the stereotypes, I believe that highly sensitive people make excellent leaders. We don’t need to be afraid to step up. And I truly think that our gifts as HSPs allow sensitive leaders to make a positive difference. 

Let’s take a look at the challenges of being an HSP leader — and how to manage them effectively while creating space for your innate strengths to blossom.

6 Challenges of HSP Leaders and How to Manage Them

1. You may resist being a leader at all. 

Even if you’re in a leadership role already, part of you may still doubt your abilities. And if you’ve never led before, you may think it’s just not “for you” — that only very aggressive people really step up into leadership. You may get this impression at work, in politics, in organizations you belong to, or even in the parent/teacher community at your child’s school. 

And it’s easy to see why. Not only do others often have a bias, but the responsibilities of leadership can sometimes feel overwhelming to HSPs. Especially if you dislike being the center of attention (which is common for some HSPs, but not all) and prefer being behind the scenes. 

How to overcome it:

Commit to owning your role and your strengths.

Can you identify sensitive leaders you admire? Even if you’re not sure they’re HSPs, you can spot caring leadership. For example, I see Ruth Bader Ginsburg as a leader with clear purpose, strategic thinking, and courageous persistence. She’s careful and poised, but very strong. Can you see similar strengths in yourself? 

Draw on these examples to consciously release the need to be like the non-HSP. Instead, get curious about the distinctive ways your sensitivity helps you show up as a leader. Write those strengths down and feel them in your body.

Remember: Owning your role as a leader is not an act of pride or power. It’s for the benefit of those looking for guidance. When I first began leading retreats, I deliberately avoided the head of the table during meals. I resisted putting myself in the “power seat” because I didn’t want to be seen as such. But the best of intentions don’t always have the best impact. Several times, a guest with a stronger personality would end up directing the energy of the table (not in my HSP retreats!). Over time, I learned that as a space holder, it was vital to care for my position of leadership in order to care for my guests. 

You can own being a leader in a firm, gentle way. It’s not that I always sit at the head of the table. But I am more aware of how I can use the keen awareness that comes with my sensitivity to ensure a supportive environment for everyone. 

2. You struggle with decision-making. 

One of the four traits that define an HSP is depth of processing. It means you think deeply, but you need time to make sense of information you consume — and that can make decision-making a challenge. HSPs see the subtle consequences of many different paths, and may get stuck analyzing or second-guessing decisions for fear of making the “wrong” choice. 

How to overcome it: 

Explore new ways to make decisions.

The caution that HSPs employ can be an asset provided that it doesn’t immobilize you. Start by asking whether something is a smaller or bigger decision. For small decisions, it may help to balance your detail-oriented nature with the bigger picture to refrain from overthinking. Let go of “right” and “wrong” and perhaps opt for the “good enough” choice. 

For bigger decisions, give yourself permission to take some time to process. But don’t just process with your intellect.You may have great analytical skills, but you’re also a feeler. Practice getting in touch with the reactions of your body and deeper self by asking, “How does this decision feel?” 

Not only do some decisions require time, but sometimes they also require other people. Know when to reach out for support. A decisive person with a quick answer may not have the best plan, but they may give you a new way of thinking about the issue that helps you see your priorities. 

3. You need time to articulate your thoughts. 

Being a deep processor can also mean you need time before verbalizing your thoughts. And you don’t always know how much time is enough. For example, there are times when I think I’ve processed, but the thoughts whirling around in my head do not quite find their way into coherent sentences when they come out. When HSPs speak before processing, ideas may not come out right, which can make you doubt yourself further. 

This is only harder if you think of “leaders” as giving fast, off-the-cuff responses to everything. But, of course, they don’t. 

How to overcome it: 

Give yourself and others permission to take time to process.  

One of the main things to remember as an HSP is that when you allow yourself time to process, you can better navigate your way through your ideas and values. So take your time processing, but be wary of fearful tendencies wanting to keep your ideas in isolation. It’s important to share your ideas.

You’re not alone — there are likely others that need time before speaking. When I’m leading retreats, I urge guests to give themselves permission to participate how they choose. I acknowledge my own difficulty with getting my thoughts out verbally, so that others remember they can take their time, too, and that none of it has to be perfect. As a leader, you can shift the quick-witted culture to make it okay to take time to process. 

4. You feel exhausted when you notice everything. 

You pick up on the stress of others and feel it. You also notice when other “leaders” are ego-driven, showy, and insensitive. 

But it’s not just people that trigger you. Sensory overload from environmental stimuli — and all of the excess information you’re carrying around in your sensitive brain — can all lead to depletion and difficulty focusing. 

How to overcome it: 

Use your awareness of subtleties to care for yourself and your people. 

Feeling everything can be draining, but it’s also a strength. You’re conscientious and you notice errors others may not. You can use your subtle senses to read group dynamics, identify strengths in others, and feel when the quiet ones may need to communicate in a different way — or when the loud confident voices are simply not right. By gathering these subtle details, you have the opportunity to empower others and help them to feel seen and heard.

At the same time, it’s equally important to take quiet time for yourself and set boundaries so that you don’t burn out. In her book, The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine Aron talks about the balance of being “in” and “out” in the world. As an HSP, it’s vital to explore how much “in” and “out” time you need to stay healthy. Prepare for situations you know may be stimulating by giving yourself time to rest.  

5. You may feel undervalued. 

I know your HSP leadership skills may seem like they’re invisible and unappreciated. It’s true that non-HSPs may not initially value your ways since our culture tends to value strong assertiveness (even to the point of confrontation). Or, maybe you’ve had the experience of sharing an idea that gets dismissed — only to have a louder, more forceful personality earn praise for the same idea. 

How to overcome it:

Remember your purpose and trust yourself.

Don’t let the societal paradigm determine your value. Return to your purpose for why you do what you do. Trust in your strengths, whether or not you’re given credit. Chances are people feel your magic, even if you don’t always receive verbal confirmation.

Here’s an example. I recently organized a retreat for a non-HSP friend who has a much more extroverted, high-energy vibe than I do. I tend to shrink myself in the presence of people with bolder personalities, which I did during that trip. At the same time, I know my detailed planning, soft-but-firm communication, and attention to each individual were felt. Near the end of the trip, one woman said she saw me as the architect of the experience and appreciated my ability to hold space for everyone to be their best selves. In other words: My strengths made a difference and some people noticed them, even if I wasn’t the “alpha” of the crowd. 

Of course, there are countless situations in which my skills go unnoticed. That’s okay too — because I know they’re supporting a greater good. A sensitive leader will focus on the outcome and not grabbing credit. 

6. You always feel there’s more to do. 

HSPs are deeply passionate about their work in the world, whether that be in the form of a career, community involvement, nonprofit, or side project. When you strive to be just and supportive to others as well as innovative and steadfast, you may have a nagging feeling that there’s more to do. Way more. Turning off your ever-active mind can be a real challenge.  

How to overcome it:

Ask yourself how you would support a friend with this problem.

Your desire to contribute to the world in creative ways is a great sensitive strength as an HSP leader. But remember to acknowledge what you’re already bringing to the people and environments around you. You don’t have to do it all. It doesn’t all need to happen right now. And you can ask for help.

When you do find yourself operating on overdrive, ask yourself how you would advise a close friend. Most likely, you’d show them compassion and point out how much they’re already doing. You would give them permission to rest, delegate, or focus on one thing at a time. 

Pause and show yourself the same compassion. It will help you show up more expansively as a leader. And it will create more change in the long run. 

A Sensitive Leader is a Beloved Leader

Dear HSP, remember this…

There is an endless need for your kind of leadership.

It is like a canvas waiting for you to bring your assortment of brushes and colors to its surface. Waiting for you to perceive possibilities, lay out plans, explore new strokes, and transform when necessary. 

Your sensitive energy is a gift to the world. If you embrace it, you can be the rare leader who is kind and gentle. Give that gift and start to guide others. Just, please, be kind and gentle with yourself as well. 

HSP Retreat to Guatemala

Want to nourish your soul, change the way you see yourself and others, and connect with other sensitive souls? I’m offering a retreat just for HSPs and introverts, mixing the energies of these two often misunderstood but gifted personalities. There are still spots available for our retreat to Guatemala on November 16-23, 2019. See details here. ← Use code HSREFUGE50 to get $50 off. 

Drop into peace as you soak up the stunning volcanic backdrop over Lake Atitlán, one of the most beautiful lakes in the world. Immerse yourself in local culture. And renew with yoga, meditation, and reflection time — all in a way that honors your needs as a highly sensitive person.

Ever wondered what it feels like to travel with other HSPs?

“It was an acceptance I’ve never felt before in my life and I’ve been searching for since I was a kid,” said Marian M., who completed one of my previous retreats. “It was reinforcement that there are people out there who understand.”

And now, Highly Sensitive Refuge readers can get $50 off by using the code HSREFUGE50. Learn more here.

You might like:

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The post 6 Challenges Every HSP Leader Must Face — And How to Overcome Them appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I know what it’s like to feel profound empathy toward complete strangers, as well as intense emotional overwhelm about global injustices I read about online. As I sit here writing this post, I’m processing so much in this active mind of mine that it’s hard to write coherent thoughts.

I used to feel like there was something wrong with me. Now I know that what I just described is all simply related to the gift of high sensitivity — even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are the 20 percent of the population who feel and process things deeply, from sights to sounds to emotional cues. We read people well, notice details that others miss, and are extremely perceptive, but we also get easily overloaded and overwhelmed.

It took me until my 30s to see my sensitivity as a strength. Today, I lead retreats for highly sensitive people and introverts in order to build a sense of belonging among those of us who feel like outsiders due to our unique traits. Many attendees tell me they leave these retreats with a renewed sense of purpose and hope.

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As a child, my sensitivity was not understood by the adults in my life. I was “too emotional” and needed to “toughen up.” That’s why I’m writing this post. We need to encourage our children to love their sensitivity from a young age. Here are seven things we should communicate to our sensitive children.

What Highly Sensitive Children Need to Hear

1. “All of your emotions are acceptable.”

At some point in our lives, most of us have been told not to cry. While tears might be gaining an iota of societal respect, emotions such as anger, anxiety, and hurt continue to be judged as “unhealthy.” Highly sensitive children (HSCs) are wired to fully experience the entire spectrum of human emotion. When we give HSCs permission to experience their emotions without being told they’re bad, they benefit in a powerful way. Then, we can teach them tools to transform an emotion such as anger into creative fuel to do something constructive.

2. “It’s healthy to experience emotion about injustice.”

As a young child, I got extremely emotional whenever I saw or even heard about bullying or racism. As I got older, political conversations about injustice easily landed me in tears. But I was told I was “overreacting” and needed to let it go — unfortunately, a common experience for many HSCs.

At an early age, HSCs need to hear that it’s okay to get upset when they see others experiencing pain. This is a compassionate response, not an overreaction. Rather than dismissing their experiences, we need to acknowledge the hurt. When the time is right, help your child take meaningful action, such as starting a fundraiser, speaking out, or making a donation to a charitable organization that fights for the cause.

3. “Let others know when you need alone time.”

Highly sensitive adults aren’t the only ones who need alone time. I recently saw a video of a little girl pouting and stating that she “just wants to chill in nature away from people.” It made me laugh, but really, I feel her pain — she’s probably a highly sensitive person, an introvert, or both.

HSCs, whether they are introverts or extroverts, will need alone time after stimulating activities like attending birthday parties or play dates. Even just a normal day at school — with all its noise, activity, and socializing — can be fatiguing and overwhelming for them. Let’s teach HSCs to ask for alone time proactively. That way, it won’t come in the form of a meltdown later.

4. “Listen to your body.”

HSPs are highly intuitive and can naturally sense subtleties. Unfortunately, our conditioning moves us away from listening to what our bodies intuitively tell us, so we may lose this connection as we get older. That’s why we should teach sensitive children to notice how their body feels, for example, when they eat a certain food or hang out with a certain friend. Similarly, when they are overwhelmed, we can teach them to find a place in their body that feels calm (like a finger or toe). This is a powerful grounding skill HSCs can use to regulate their bodies’ responses.

5. “It’s okay to say no.”

Children are accustomed to hearing the word “no,” but they usually don’t get permission to use it themselves. Obviously, it’s up to parents to set their own boundaries for when “no” is acceptable. But consider asking if your child wants to go to Henry’s birthday party before simply sending the RSVP. Certainly, “no” is a delicate balancing act with children, but if encouraged mindfully, it can be an important step in learning healthy boundaries.

6. “Take all the time you need to process.”

Just like adult HSPs, HSCs may require extra time to process information. According to Dr. Elaine Aron in The Highly Sensitive Person, one of the four characteristics of all highly sensitive people is “depth of processing.” This means that when HSCs receive information, they think about it deeply, analyzing the issue from many different angles and connecting it to a larger picture. Depth of processing can make life rich and meaningful for HSPs, but it also slows us down. Simply being patient and allowing your child extra time to process honors this special gift.

7. “The world needs special people like you.”

There’s no question that our world needs more empathy, listening, and understanding. Sensitive children can also be extremely analytical and creative. Let’s show them — through our words and actions — that even though the world is challenging at times, their sensitivity is a gift that can help others in countless ways.

You might like:

• Is Your Child Highly Sensitive?
• What Happens When a Highly Sensitive Person Grows Up With Emotional Neglect?
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand

This article was originally published on IntrovertDear.com.

The post 7 Things All Highly Sensitive Children Need to Hear appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.