Sleep is a basic human physiological function and one that’s crucial for our health. And when you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you need more sleep than others — all the overstimulation we HSPs experience all day catches up to us. 

Research hypothesizes that sleep may be necessary for restoration, as well as processing the day and enhancing our immune response. Since we’ve evolved to spend almost a third of our life asleep, you’d think it’d be easy to come by — but it seems that’s often not the case. 

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that adults get at least seven hours of sleep per night. And research shows that sleep deprivation can have short- and long-term health consequences. These include everything from increased stress and emotional distress to longer-term effects, like hypertension and cardiovascular disease.

But certain elements of modern life aren’t conducive to sleep — and you can probably relate. From our stressful environments to our lifestyles, there are many factors which can contribute to poor sleep and insomnia. From the blue light of our devices and TVs to our busy schedules, our mind and body are constantly stimulated. So what do we HSPs do when the racing thoughts just won’t stop? 

How to Reduce Racing HSP Thoughts 

As a highly sensitive person, I’ve always been a light sleeper, the slightest noise can coax me from slumber. Nevertheless, until the uncertainty of the pandemic, I’d generally managed to fall asleep after an hour or so and sleep around 7-8 hours. 

But, more recently, sleep hadn’t come as easily. I frequently took almost two hours to fall asleep, and when I did, rest was fitful and I often woke up several times a night.    

During those times, my mind was a constant stream of overthinking. HSPs become stressed easily and external stimuli can overwhelm us. With a rush of thoughts at a time when our bodies need rest, our capacity for sleep is reduced and our quality of sleep diminishes. 

Without good quality sleep, my mood began to dip and small tasks became large mountains. After a few days of inconsistent sleep resulted in migraine, I knew I had to do something to help myself.

How to Regulate the Nervous System 

Due to sensory processing sensitivity, the HSP nervous system works differently than that of non-HSPs. We know that the HSP’s depth of processing is at work, even after the event. This means that we may be processing events or emotions from days ago — even at rest.

I find my mind races with thoughts after a day of  socializing with friends or after an important meeting at work. Racing thoughts serve to keep our stress response engaged, which in turn keeps our breathing elevated. 

Our breathing is regulated by the autonomic nervous system and is an unconscious process, along with heart rate, digestion, and other bodily system controls. Breathing sets off a whole host of changes in the body that promotes rest or stress. The vagus nerve has an important part to play here, as it sends signals to the autonomic nervous system — which slows down or speeds up our breathing.

The simplest way to calm down our body is to breathe slowly. I’d read enough about stress and anxiety to know that deep breathing is key to stress reduction and feeling more grounded. But I’d never considered the importance of breathing for the benefit of sleep. 

How to Breathe to Promote Calm

There’s a growing body of research on the effects of breathing on our health. In James Nestor’s book, Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, he states that 90 percent of us are breathing incorrectly and that this is at the root of a host of ailments. Although breathing is automatic, there are things we can do to optimize this crucial life force.

I came across Charlie Morley’s book,Wake Up to Sleep, after reading about it in a magazine. My interest was immediately piqued when I read that his techniques have been proven to help reduce anxiety and improve sleep quality in 87 percent of participants. 

A lucid dream expert, Morley is an authoritative voice, having developed mindful sleep techniques originally for military veterans and those suffering from stress- or trauma-affected sleep patterns. His methods mix mindfulness-based techniques with breathwork — and focus on regulating the nervous system. They can help anyone, whether or not they’ve been affected by trauma. 

Research also supports the importance of slow breathing for the benefit of the mind and body.  I was also surprised to learn from Morley that most of us take 15 breaths per minute — and that this is enough of a signal to convince our nervous system that we’re in danger. Surely I didn’t breathe that quickly? Yet even in my calm and relaxed state, after timing my breaths, I can report that I do indeed breathe 15 times a minute. 

I was ready to learn more about how breathwork could improve my sleep. Here are a few tips on how changing your breathing can help you sleep better. 

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3 Ways to Change the Way You Breathe as an HSP

1. Slow down your breathing.

Coherent breathing is a breathing practice that slows the breath to around five breaths per minute by taking equal inhales and equal exhales. Breathwork has been used for years in many different cultures, notably in Eastern practices. While it can be done as part of a yoga practice or meditation, it is also effective on its own. 

The aim of coherent breathing is to “get our ANS (autonomic nervous system) in balance,” Morley says, and activate a division of the ANS, known as the parasympathetic nervous system. Breathing around five breaths per minute synchronizes the electrical rhythms of the heart, lungs, and brain, causing the body to be both relaxed and alert. 

I followed Morley’s coherent breathing practice before bed for two weeks. After those two weeks, my sleep was transformed. Two changes were striking — the length of time it took for me to fall asleep decreased and my quality of sleep increased. 

On average, it only took me 20-40 minutes to fall asleep, which was much better than my usual almost two hours. The most dramatic result was that I was now sleeping for seven hours and feeling refreshed, whereas I’d previously needed nine hours of sleep to experience that same well-rested feeling. 

Coherent breathing is a simple way to help your body relax. To begin with, try it for 15 minutes a day. Breathing in this way may feel very alien at first, but it’s worth persevering and building in 20-30 minutes of this breathwork technique per day over the course of a month to really notice the benefits. 

Morley suggests you follow a coherent breathing guided audio or video online, although you can do the technique without it, as well. Here’s what Morley advises:

• Breathe in slowly for a count of 6. 
• Breathe out slowly for a count of 6. 
• Repeat for as long as you need.

Then prepare to feel calm and relaxed!

2. Make sure you close your mouth.

Morley also advises to close your mouth and breathe through your nose when it comes to an important aspect of our sleep. This impacts everything from the amount of oxygen we breathe in to the quality of our breathing itself.

Morley tells us that breathing through our nose is better for us. “The nose has a three-layer filtration system made up of nasal hairs which help stop dirt and debris entering the nose, plus a mucus membrane, which catches dust and bacteria… and microscopic hairs called cilia, which help move mucus along the respiratory tract and further filter out the bad stuff.”

Nasal breathing also increases the vacuum in our lungs, which “allows us to draw in 20 percent more oxygen than breathing through the mouth,” he says.

Morley says we should breathe through our nose as much as possible during the day, which increases our likelihood of doing so at night, too. It’s like training ourselves to breathe differently until it becomes second nature. A couple things to note:

• Notice when you might be breathing through your mouth and correct it by closing the mouth and breathing through the nose instead. 
• Spend some time on conscious breathwork each day to increase your awareness of the benefits of nasal breathing. 

For an in-depth look at the benefits of nasal breathing, check out Patrick McKeown’s book, Close Your Mouth: Buteyko Breathing Clinic Self-Help Manual. In it, McKeown explores the multiple effects of closed-mouth breathing on various aspects of our health, from our oxygen intake to our dental health. 

3. Breathe fully (in order to use your whole lung capacity). 

Most of us don’t breathe fully or use the whole of our lung capacity. When we’re feeling stressed, we’re more likely to take shallow breaths, which are located in the chest area. In doing this, we activate our stress response. 

But Morley says that expanding our lungs ensures that breathing can happen more effectively. He cites a 30-year study carried out by New York State University on 1,000 participants. It showed that larger lungs means longer life, and that lung capacity is one of the greatest indicators of longevity. 

And, as I am proof of, the effects of not breathing fully can show up in restless sleep and insomnia. This is where slow, deep breathing can help. Coherent breathing is useful here, as well as ensuring we’re taking full, slow breaths by using our diaphragm. Here’s what you need to do:

• Either seated or lying down, place one hand on your chest and one hand on your stomach.  Breathe normally. At this stage, we don’t want to change how we breathe; we just need to see how you’re breathing. 

• When you breathe in, notice where your hand feels movement (either in the chest area or the stomach area).

• If you feel movement in the chest area, it’s likely you’re using the top portion of your lungs and could benefit from deepening your breathing. 

• When you breathe in slowly, your stomach should expand as you take in air to your lungs. When you breathe out, the stomach should fall. 

The benefits of diaphragmatic breathing  include helping you relax by deactivating the stress response, increasing lung capacity, and increasing the oxygen in your bloodstream. And anything that causes you to relax is good news for your sleep, especially as a highly sensitive soul. Adjusting our breathing is an essential thing to keep in our HSP mental health toolbox.

By understanding how the effect of stress and overstimulation can impact our sleep, we can begin to help prime our highly sensitive body for sleep using the simple power of the breath.  Easy, right? Here’s wishing you sweet dreams…

You might like:

• Why Highly Sensitive People May Need More Sleep Than Others
• HSP Brains Process Everything Deeply, Even at Rest, Study Finds
• Here’s Everything Researchers Know About High Sensitivity, as of 2021

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The post HSPs, Are Racing Thoughts Preventing You From Sleeping? It Might Be Time to Change How You Breathe appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Anxiety disorders affect 40 million adults in the U.S every year. And while high-functioning anxiety is not a clinical disorder, its effects are still deeply distressing. Those with high-functioning anxiety experience many of the same symptoms of anxiety, including irritability, the inability to focus, and difficulty sleeping. However, high-functioning anxiety is characterized by high energy, rigid perfectionism, relentless overthinking, and constant striving. Sufferers are often plagued with self-doubt, and a fear of failure propels them to persevere through feelings of stress and discomfort.

Take it from me. On the outside, I was an overachiever who excelled in my work. I’d arrive at my desk early and appeared capable and organized with several to-do lists… yet on the inside, I was a big ball of stress and tension.

If this sounds exhausting, consider how it might feel if you’re also a highly sensitive

person (HSP). We HSPs are extremely aware of subtleties and process information more deeply than others. Our nervous systems react more readily to stimulation like sights, sounds, and emotional triggers. Add these characteristics to high-functioning anxiety, and you have a very potent mix.

(Are you a highly sensitive person? Here are 21 signs that you’re an HSP.)

How High-Functioning Anxiety Manifests Physically

Before I understood that I was a highly sensitive person, I didn’t fully appreciate the

potential harm that high-functioning anxiety posed. Left unresolved, it can cause significant physical and emotional distress, putting you at risk of conditions such as heart disease and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).

A number of years ago, I moved to a different town, hundreds of miles away from my family and friends, to take up a new job in an unfamiliar sector. During that time, I came down with every minor cold and infection and took longer to recover than most. I ignored my churning stomach, the tightness in my chest, and my racing heart. I would push through and overprepare for meetings, chase perfectionism every day, and ruminate at night so much that I’d have panic attacks in my sleep.

In hindsight, I can see that my highly sensitive nature meant that I was experiencing the effects of high-functioning anxiety doubletime!

Reaching My Breaking Point

As a highly sensitive person, my body and mind are alert to so many stimuli, including sights, sounds, bright lights, strong smells, changes in temperature, and other people’s emotions. The physical symptoms of high-functioning anxiety meant that my nervous system was constantly switched on, causing the everyday stimulants around me to overwhelm and “flood” my system.

Being mentally and emotionally flooded is the very uncomfortable feeling of being overwhelmed. With the external pressures of meetings and deadlines, coupled with rumination and overthinking, I frequently pushed myself to the threshold of overwhelm. Highly sensitive people are more prone to overwhelm, so, looking back, it’s no surprise that my search for perfectionism caused me to hit overload, both physically and emotionally.

When I’d tip into overwhelm, my body forced me to stop by flooring me with another illness. One winter flu turned into labyrinthitis. It was then that I was ready to admit that anxiety was getting the better of me and that my lifestyle didn’t suit my sensitive nature. Born out of desperation to feel better, I became determined to find ways of coping with my high-functioning anxiety. Here’s what I’ve learned.

How to Cope With High-Functioning Anxiety as an HSP

1. Get to know your fears and anxiety triggers.

The high-functioning anxiety mindset is obsessed with a fear of failure, and its nervous energy keeps you moving forward to do more and be better. As HSPs, we are able to think very deeply on a topic. So why not use this skill to identify the fears and triggers that drive your anxiety?

I discovered that the fear at the core of my high-functioning anxiety was that I’m not good enough, and that new experiences and work were my triggers. By understanding that my constant pursuit of perfectionism helped prevent failure — but at the cost of my mental health — I was able to gain perspective and feel comfortable with a good enough result.

Working with a therapist can also help you to work through deep-rooted fears and explore ways of unpicking unhelpful thoughts and behaviors that keep your fear(s) alive.

2. Weigh the positives and negatives of having high-functioning anxiety.

I pursued a career and lifestyle that I thought would bring me happiness, despite the physical symptoms of stress. When I arrived where I thought I wanted to be, I wasn’t happy, because I was living against my very nature. I could say that my anxiety had pushed me to academic achievements, yet it had also caused me illness.

Make a list of the positives and negatives of having high-functioning anxiety. Be honest. What good does high-functioning anxiety bring to your life? Does your job bring high status? Could you find status in another area of your life instead? When weighing the pros and cons, what do you discover?

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3. Challenge your (over)thinking mind and ask yourself the benefit of doing so.

I am an overthinker with a tendency to persevere and stew on everything. My highly sensitive nature means that I think and feel very deeply, which is both a blessing and a curse. Remember, though, that you are not your thoughts and that you can learn to challenge your thinking.

After a meeting, for example, when I’m feeling exhausted from active listening, I sometimes ruminate on what I said, how I said it, what I didn’t say, and what other people did or didn’t say. Although thinking in this way may feel productive at the time, I’d argue that, in general, this style of overthinking only serves to stoke the fire of anxiety.

When you notice yourself thinking in a loop, pause and ask yourself if there’s a benefit to thinking so deeply before or after an event in this way? Will this matter in a month’s

time? A year’s time? Although it takes practice, pausing and questioning yourself breaks the cycle of overthinking.

4. Reconnect with your body through physical movement, like walking or yoga.

As an HSP prone to anxiety, I spend a lot of time in my head. I enjoy the rich inner world of my imagination, my ability to empathize with others, and appreciate all the nuances of emotion. However, spending some time reconnecting with my body has played a key part in my healing process.

Walking combines the perfect blend of movement and headspace, for instance. When I’m surrounded by nature, I soothe my anxiety and nurture my senses. It’s not uncommon for me to lose myself in the experience; suddenly, hours pass by, seemingly unnoticed.

Any movement and physical activity is good for you: It can lower your blood pressure, increase your energy, and improve your mood. So find something you like doing, whether it’s yoga, practicing mindfulness, gardening, running, you name it.

5. Prioritize rest — after all, your overstimulated HSP mind needs it.

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that, as an HSP, I need more sleep than others in order to feel refreshed. This is probably somewhat due to the fact that HSPs are so overstimulated all day long. When anxiety brought on fitful slumber and erratic sleeping patterns, I would spend my days in a sluggish brain fog.

After a few years of this, my inconsistent sleep patterns began to cause week-long migraines and I was forced to prioritize my sleep. These days, 8-9 hours of sleep per night is nonnegotiable. Plus, having sleep issues is common among those with anxiety, so adjusting your sleep patterns is important in order to lessen your anxiety. 

With consistent effort to bring more balance into my life, I’ve been able to manage my anxiety and live in tune with my high sensitivity. And you can, too.

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• I’ve Been Fighting Anxiety for 20 Years. Here’s What I Learned.
• 9 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Going to Therapy as an HSP
• Why Highly Sensitive People Get Mentally and Emotionally ‘Flooded’

The post How to Cope With High-Functioning Anxiety When You’re an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Well-being is something we all seek. The term “well-being” can be defined as the experience of happiness, health, and prosperity  — and encompasses good mental health and the ability to cope with stress.

In the busy modern world, health and happiness sometimes falls to the bottom of our to-do list, particularly for highly sensitive people (HSPs), who often put the needs of others before their own. Highly sensitive people are empathic individuals with finely tuned nervous systems that register subtleties and nuances in the world around them that other people might miss. This could be anything from picking up on when a friend of ours has a problem to noticing the beauty of a flower.

Good well-being is essential to happiness and is important for all of us, but especially for HSPs. Since we are prone to overwhelm and overstimulation, it’s essential that we incorporate certain habits into our life to help our sensitive souls calm down (and stay calm). 

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, states that a habit is “a routine or a behavior that is performed regularly — and, in many cases — automatically.” For me, developing habits was a pathway toward my goal: to improve my well-being as an HSP. Over the past few years, I’ve learned which habits help make me happy and allow me to thrive as an HSP. They not only help me in my day-to-day life, but also act as a buffer against challenging times.

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7 Habits Highly Sensitive People Need to Be Happy

1. Prioritize rest: After all, HSPs need more sleep than others.

Our extroverted world pushes us toward being busy, which HSPs often struggle with, and sometimes that means sleep is a low priority. Good quality sleep is essential for everybody, but because HSP bodies experience accelerated senses and overstimulation, this means we may need more sleep than others.

If I sleep less than eight hours a night for more than two days, I feel ill — and small struggles cast larger shadows than they ordinarily would. Make sleep the number-one habit that you prioritize and you’ll feel the benefits in all other areas of your life, I promise.

2. Set and review boundaries: Are you putting others first too much, at the expense of your own needs?

In her book, The Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Elaine A. Aron says “boundaries should be flexible, letting in what you want and keeping out what you don’t want.” Having a happy life means listening to, and honoring, your needs — and this is where it’s vital that HSPs establish boundaries.

HSPs are so highly tuned to the needs of others that their own needs can be crowded out. For instance, maybe your friend really needs someone to talk to about her recent breakup and you stay up late on the phone with her… even though you really need to sleep so you’re prepared for a job interview the next morning.  

In the case above, you can set a boundary by giving your friend 30 minutes of your time instead of letting the call go on for hours. (After all, you want to do well in your interview!) 

HSPs will find it useful to review their boundaries frequently. When I’m feeling irritated by the behavior of another person, I review my boundaries: Have they slipped? Do I need to strengthen them?

3. Environment scans: Is your current environment calm or stressful? 

How often have you been feeling out of sorts, but unable to pinpoint why? In cases like this, I’ve noticed an underlying unease is often linked to my physical environment. Have I been indoors too much this week? Have I spent a lot of time in busy offices, full of intrusive sounds? Could my bedroom be a bit tidier so it’s more like a soothing HSP sanctuary instead? 

HSPs are very aware of subtleties and changes in the environment around them. And, as a result, their sense of happiness can be diminished by challenging, overstimulating environments. As much as possible, make sure your environment is welcoming and makes you feel safe.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

4. Daily alone time: Rest and relaxation help reset the HSP soul.

If you spend too much time in go-go-go mode, it isn’t good for your super sensitive HSP nervous system. If it isn’t given the cue to relax, it’ll stay overstimulated. After a day at work — around other people and a lot of stimuli — I need unstructured down time: space to process and decompress from the day’s information and events.

How we choose to spend our alone time is individual to us. I like to read a few pages of my latest book before bed, but you might take a bath, listen to soothing music, or just sit in your backyard and listen to the crickets. Having dedicated time for yourself daily is vital for happiness as an HSP and an important one to make a habit.

5. Reset with movement: Practice yoga or dance to get your body moving and mind calm.

Of all of the habits I’ve built over the past five years, making time to be present in my body has brought the biggest benefits. I feel grounded when I shift from my overactive, highly stimulated mind and connect with my body. I put on music and concentrate on gentle movement, like dancing or yoga. For you, it may be jogging or meditation.

The parasympathetic nervous system is the body’s response to rest and digestion when the body is relaxed. Finding an activity that activates this response — and that combines mindful movement with your breath — will help you to increase your day-to-day happiness levels. 

6. Stay hydrated: It’s easy to bring along a water bottle.

A simple habit, but a good one, is to stay hydrated. We’ve all read about how important this is; otherwise, lack of hydration places stress on the body. And since our HSP bodies are hyper-alert to changes, we’ll feel the effects double-time!

I always carry non-caffeinated drinks with me, favoring water and herbal teas to coffee. (Plus, coffee is a stimulant… and I want to be less stimulated, not more!) Even being slightly dehydrated can trigger migraines for me, too, so I make sure to monitor my fluid intake daily. If you’re experiencing headaches, it may be due to lack of water. But there’s only one way to find out…!

7. Begin a journaling practice: This is a simple, and effective, way to chart your progress (and emotional well-being).

I use my journal to track my habits — especially when I’m working toward a new goal — but you can use journaling in many ways to help your well-being. You can also use journaling to help make sense of your emotions. Then, when you look back several weeks, or months, you can see what events influenced your moods, and so on. Some therapists have their clients do this, too, to see what kind of patterns arise.

Luckily, there are all types of journaling methods out there, from longform writing in a diary or notebook to Bullet Journaling, a more abbreviated form of journaling. Since HSPs tend to be creative, many can also benefit from writing three pages in their journal every day, too, a practice known as Morning Pages. Created by Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, it’s a way to develop creatively and nurture the habit of being a writer. I’ve been writing Morning Pages for months, and you don’t even have to be a creative writer to feel the benefit. Simply grab a notebook and write about whatever comes to mind! 

Start With One New Habit… Then Add Another… and Another

Developing some healthy habits, like the ones above, can make a huge difference when it comes to your well-being. Maintaining them is crucial, in order to keep your mood afloat and even-keeled as an HSP. Because we’re more affected by everyday changes and subtleties around us, while it’s a wonderful trait, it can be exhausting.

For me personally, after a few weeks of not exercising or sleeping as much as I should, I notice I feel more overwhelmed and have more anxiety.

Perhaps seven habits are too many for you right now. That’s okay. Start with one, then gradually add another, and so on. Once you add more healthy habits to your life and begin to notice positive changes (because you will!), you’ll be glad you took that first step to prioritizing your joy and happiness.

Fellow HSPs, what healthy habits do you do regularly to help calm your overstimulated senses?

You might like:

• 14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy
• 18 Things That Fill Highly Sensitive People With Joy
• 12 Grounding Rituals for When You’re Feeling Overstimulated

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 7 Daily Habits That Make HSPs Happy appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Anger is often viewed as a negative emotion, one that we’re often brought up to fear. That’s certainly my experience. Just thinking about writing this article caused my blood pressure to rise! I’m intuitive enough to recognise that this means it’s exactly the article I need to write. 

I don’t deal with conflict well and anger is such a vibrant emotion that steals the energy from a room. Before I learned I was a highly sensitive person (HSP), I thought I was just weak for struggling to deal with the arguments and conflicts in my friendship group and family. 

Let’s look at why HSPs can struggle to deal with angry people.

Why Is Dealing with Angry People So Hard for HSPs?

No one loves getting yelled at, but anger hits a lot harder for highly sensitive people — the 30 percent of the population who are wired to think deeply and feel emotions strongly. Because of our sensitivity, we have a much harder time dealing with even quiet anger, and we may feel like we fall apart when someone gets loud, nasty, or aggressive. 

Our response to angry people is complicated by three factors: sensory overwhelm, emotional contagion, and our unique conflict style. 

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Sensory Overwhelm 

For highly sensitive people, anger presents more than just an emotional challenge. That’s because conflict between two people can quickly escalate, and what starts out as a mildly discomforting conflict can quickly lead to yelling, slamming doors, or personal attacks. It’s well documented that highly sensitive people are more easily overwhelmed, and research suggests we are prone to sensory overstimulation. Few things are more overstimulating than angry people, and an HSP’s sensitive nervous system may interpret the situation as overwhelming. 

The emotions linked to overwhelm are also felt inside the body and can cause physical reactions such as a rapid heartbeat or the stress hormone cortisol to be released. Too much of this can lead to a shutdown, the HSP becomes too overwhelmed to respond to the anger.

I’ve experienced this personally. When I was in my early twenties, someone I knew directed their misplaced anger at me intensely. I found myself shutting down and unable to argue back or express my feelings; it was like I became helpless.  

Emotional Contagion

HSPs have a greater capacity for empathy and, whether we like it or not, we easily absorb the emotions of others — an effect that researchers refer to as emotional contagion. Because HSPs are more easily “infected” by other people’s emotions, we feel the intensity of a person’s anger whether it is directed at us or at another person. 

HSPs experience the emotions we absorb from others right alongside our own response to the anger, all of which can feel very intense very quickly. It’s not just that we find the emotions to be a challenge; they really affect us and can show up in our body as physical symptoms like stomach aches and tension — or even pain — especially if our experience with the person’s anger is prolonged. 

Conflict Style

Many people cope well with conflict, but I’m not one of them! I was brought up in a conflict-avoidant household, and I simply don’t know how to deal with it. It’s only by observing others and building coping mechanisms that I’ve found ways to respond to people’s anger.

Many HSPs are similar — because conflict is overwhelming to us, we try to avoid it (even when doing so is not healthy).

One way to shift this pattern is to knowing your conflict management style. According to conflict researcher Barbara Benoliel, there are five unique conflict styles (you can see them here), and knowing yours can help you identify your triggers and plan for conflict. The term is often used in workplaces, but the principles can be applied in other areas of your life. I’ve found this extremely useful for taking my emotion out of the equation and reviewing what I can control in these uncomfortable situations. 

5 Ways to Deal with Angry People

Avoiding conflict altogether isn’t a practical option. That’s why it’s more realistic to have a few tools in your armory to help you deal with angry people. Here are five tools I use that work especially well for HSPs. Which tool to use will vary depending on the situation, and whether the anger is directed at you or another person. 

1. Identify what you can do in the situation

You do not have to stay in front of the angry person. Whatever the situation, you can choose to postpone the conversation, leave or stay and resolve it. It’s not always your responsibility to fix everything. Ask yourself is there anything you can do about this right now? What is expected of you? Knowing this and expectations can direct your focus. And no response is still a response!

Anger expert Howard Kassinove advises using a different approach for dealing with anger from strangers (such someone at a store) versus anger from a family member. A person’s response in each of these situations will be different because one involves transient interactions and the other involves ongoing interactions. For example, you may be on the receiving end of an angry store assistant and because you may never see this person again, you might choose to ignore the annoying behavior or choose a different store next time. 

When it comes to ongoing interactions with a family member or a neighbor, your response to an angry encounter will be different on account of the ongoing presence of that person in your life. Howard suggests using a range of strategies to deal with this source of anger, including avoidance and escape. 

Howard acknowledges that directly facing all problems may not be the best solution. Sometimes, avoiding an interaction that is likely to lead to anger is best. For example, I often avoid my partner after they’ve been stuck in meetings all day at work because I know they’ll be feeling short-tempered following their stressful day. I’ve learned to let them have their space when they return home from work to process their day. 

2. Protect yourself

As a highly sensitive person, however you decide to react to an individual’s anger, make sure you protect your emotional wellbeing when faced with such strong emotions. You know what you need and what is best for you. If that means postponing a fraught conversation, or leaving the room, then that’s what you must do. 

Kassinove offers a simple relaxation technique for dealing with anger which can help relieve tension in your body: “Find a comfortable chair that will support your arms and legs, and a quiet time. Take deep breaths and focus on allowing the muscles to voluntarily relax. Become aware that muscular relaxation is learned through practice.”

Sometimes, I need a deeper relaxation technique to diffuse the stress in my body following an encounter with an angry person. In these cases, I turn to yoga nidra for a reliable way to calm my frayed nervous system. Yoga nidra is a really accessible form of meditation which is done lying down as opposed to sitting like standard meditation. Yoga nidra benefits the autonomic nervous system, which regulates processes in the body such as heart rate, digestion and blood flow, all of which are affected by feelings of stress. Give it a try by following this 20 minute video from yoga instructor Ally Boothroyd, or follow the body scan meditation audio from medical researcher Jon Kabat-Zinn. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

3. Use cognitive restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is a technique to change the way you think, and is especially helpful for replacing stress-causing thoughts with accurate, calm ones — which means it’s excellent at changing your response to anger. Kassinove agrees, saying, “Anger experiences are often associated with cognitive distortions, such as misappraisals about the importance of the event or about the capacity to cope.” Cognitive restructuring gets rid of those distortions. 

Likewise, angry people are prone to overgeneralizations about the meaning of your behavior. They may use either/or thinking, such as, “Either he’s my friend or not. It’s simple!”

Using cognitive restructuring to deconstruct unhelpful thoughts can help both the angry person and the person dealing with an angry person. One restructuring technique I find especially helpful it to scribble down my thoughts to gather evidence on the situation. It helps me organize my jumbled brain and untangle some of my distorted thoughts.  

4. De-escalate anger

One of the best skills an HSP can learn is how to recognize when someone’s anger is escalating and how to de-escalate that anger. According to the Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute offers an analogy: view the person’s anger as a representation of Anger Mountain, a simple visual of the route anger takes. I found this concept really helpful, not least because if anger rises like a mountain, it can also descend and reduce. 

And it’s reassuring to note there are many routes to climb down from a mountain as there are different ways to face an angry person. For example, it helps to pay attention to your own body language so that you avoid pouring gasoline on the already smoking fire. Another approach, and the one I find most useful, is asking the angry person to tell you more about how they’re feeling. By using this strategy you’re not adding to the conflict, you’re demonstrating an openness which can have a disarming effect on the person displaying anger. 

5. Know when to walk away

Ryan Martin, sometimes known as “The Anger Professor” author of How to Deal With Angry People, says “Sometimes, maybe even often, choosing not to respond is a viable option.”

Remember that another person’s anger is not your anger. It is not your reaction. You can walk away and not apologize for doing so. It is not your responsibility to solve another person’s anger, or be responsible for the reactions of others. 

We can’t go through life avoiding all conflict, but it’s important to recognize that these experiences might always be difficult for us HSPs, whatever coping strategies we put in place. We might always need more time to decompress following an argument, or we might need extra self care, or we might have to walk away. And that’s OK too. 

I realize I won’t ever be completely comfortable around angry people, but I know that by using these tools, I can minimize the impact on my own wellbeing. 

You Might Like:

• HSPs, Do You Have a High Conflict Person in Your Life?
• How to Manage Conflict When You’re a Peace-Loving HSP
• 4 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post HSPs, Here’s How to Deal With That Angry Person in Your Life appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I realize that 6:30 a.m. isn’t the best time to check my calendar, but I need to know what my day holds for me. The little colored squares on my phone tell me that not only do I have three work meetings, I also have a dentist appointment and a friend’s birthday present to deliver. This is when a heavy blanket of dread settles onto my shoulders. And I’m barely even awake yet.

I realize I haven’t breathed out — not deeply anyway — so I let out a deliberate long breath. I feel my stomach squeeze and I hardly know how to begin my day. This is me in the grip of time anxiety. 

We’ve all felt a little rushed before, when reaching the end of a to-do list seems like an impossible task, but usually these anxious feelings are short-lived. Time is finite and we all have the same number of hours, minutes, and seconds in a day. But when time brings with it a feeling of dread and panic, you may be experiencing time anxiety. And if you’re a highly sensitive person, time anxiety probably affects you more than others since we hate being rushed.

What Is Time Anxiety? 

Time anxiety is characterized as an “ongoing sense of dread and unease around the passage of time.” If my time anxiety were a character, it would take the form of the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland who is caught in a perpetual hurry and carries a pocket watch with him as a reminder of his tardiness. 

For me, time anxiety  feels as though time is spooling away and gathering pace as I hurry to keep up. I find myself rushing at every opportunity, which only serves to increase this inner sense of urgency. With this constant sense of urgency comes an inability to relax, especially when I have unfinished tasks.

Why HSPs Are More Likely to Suffer from Time Anxiety

It’s not unusual for highly sensitive people to experience some form of anxiety in their lives. HSPs have sensory processing sensitivity, which means that they process things more deeply than non-HSPs. Sights, smells, and interactions with the world can leave them feeling overwhelmed. 

With a heightened and sensitive nervous system, HSPs may find that the slightest time pressure triggers feelings of time anxiety. Time anxiety is a form of stimulation, which is why HSPs may be prone to responding to time in a negative way; time is another stimulus for the sensitive nervous system. But the good thing is, there are ways to alleviate time anxiety. 

How To Cope With Time Anxiety as an HSP

1. Start scheduling your down time.

If you struggle with time anxiety, chances are you have a constant to-do list looming large in your mind, but do you ever include down time on your list? Scheduling my down time was a game-changer. Before I did this, on my busiest days, I’d never “find” alone time to decompress. As HSPs need more alone time than others, scheduling this will make sure it happens. 

When I don’t schedule down time, I often end up with 15 minutes before bed in which to read a book — which means I struggle to sleep due to all the stress hormones rushing around my body. These days, I always schedule the hour before bedtime for reading, which helps me to wind down. 

2. Make sure to schedule your non-down-time, too.

This is different from the above because this is all about scheduling your non-down-time tasks. Don’t worry, you don’t have to map out every minute of your day! Instead I’ve found that it’s helpful to list all of the things that need to happen that day, things that don’t have flexibility, such as appointments, work meetings, and deadlines. That way, I don’t forget, and I can better see where there are gaps in my day for rest or breaks.

Mapping out my day is important to me, but I’ve learned that detailed to-do lists only serve to increase my time anxiety. Instead, for my work to-do lists, I use the Eisenhower Urgent/Important Principle to ask myself exactly what it sounds like: What are the things that are urgent and important that need to be done that day? 

This technique helps me reduce overwhelm and increases my focus on the activities that are most important. For example, paying the rent may go under Urgent/Important while booking a hair appointment might be able to wait. 

When I simplify my tasks in this way, I find I end up achieving more than the items on my list, most likely because my brain had space to function at its best without the threat of a ticking clock looming in the background. 

Remember, if you are scheduling your day in this way, the aim is to help reduce your anxiety, not increase it. If you start to feel the physical symptoms of anxiety, pull back and simplify your list again.  

3. Try slow movement.

There’s significant research that physical exercise is effective in reducing anxiety. Yet rather than torching your physical symptoms of anxiety with another punishing cardio session at the gym, why not try slow movement instead?  In Dr. Rangan Chaterjee’sFeel Better, Live More podcast episode with Dr. David Hamilton, they discuss the benefits of slow movement. Dr. Hamilton says that “stress is felt in our muscles; and by moving our bodies in a slow way, and even slowing down our speech, sends the signal to our brain that all is well” — and we’re in control. We don’t have to slow down our speech or our walking drastically if we don’t want to, particularly if this may not be practical at the time. 

Instead, by slowing down slightly, or pausing between our movements instead of rushing, we aim to halt (or redirect) the panicked feelings we might experience with time anxiety. You may wish to try a mindful walk in nature (which is healing for HSPs anyway) or a yoga session. Or, if you’re at work, you could try pausing to take a long breath between sentences or by mindfully drinking a glass of water before you reply to a colleague. Anything to divert time anxiety’s haste.

Physical expression goes back to a time before language, when our ancestors used movement to express themselves. We use our bodies to respond to the sights we see around us. And if our bodies move slowly, our brains will catch on.

If you’re experiencing anxiety, the idea of mindfully slowing down may be a scary prospect. But by doing so, we move with intention, our focus on the present moment. I’ve found that in the height of anxiety, my mind doesn’t feel comfortable with silence, so I take a mindful walk. 

Walking mindfully means to notice every step of our walk. We can engage the senses; the crunch of leaves beneath our feet or the scent of seaweed on the sand. You may want to try a guided walk with audio like Murray Hidary’s slow-motion walking meditation.

No matter what, be patient and gentle with yourself, and try slowing down in whatever way feels best to you, even just for three or five minutes at a time, until you feel comfortable doing it longer.

Walking and moving slower can also actually improve productivity, too. Personally, when I move slower throughout my day, I feel less rushed, less anxious, less frantic, more focused, and more present in the moment. By slowing down our breathing, taking time out for ourselves, or by taking breaks, we are able to move our bodies out of the “fight-or-flight” function and into the restorative stage. Although this doesn’t cure all of our problems, it does allow us to have a bit of respite for our body and mind. 

4. Be mindful of your environment.

Have you ever been affected by a colleague whose presence in the office is comparable to a hurricane? They’re the type of colleague who’s always in a rush, complains that they’re very busy, and whose negative mood infects the whole office. 

There is evidence to suggest that we are affected by the emotions and behavior of others, a concept called emotional contagion. Some people are so affected by their environment that they mimic the pace around them. As someone who finds their morning commute to a busy city quite stressful,  it’s no wonder I’ve felt rushed and found myself matching the fast, hurried pace of others.

We can’t always avoid busy places and situations that might lead to emotional contagion and  trigger time anxiety, but knowing your symptoms are because of a finely tuned physiological response can take the pressure off. In his blog, Dr. Hamilton offers ways to deflect negative emotion. I choose to avoid the busiest travel times, for instance, by catching an earlier bus. You  might use headphones to block out noisy, highly stimulating environments or perhaps listen to music — whatever brings you more peace.

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5. Reevaluate your boundaries.

Although time anxiety often brings additional pressure to our days, it may also be a signal that one of your boundaries isn’t working as well as it could. (And boundary-setting can be a challenge for us HSPs anyway!) Ask yourself when you most feel time anxiety’s presence: Does it show up at work? Is it a constant at home with your family? Once you’ve identified a potential source, consider the boundaries you have in place. Do you need to adjust them? 

For example, during busy periods, such as holidays and celebrations, can you review your boundaries so that they align with your HSP needs during these more stressful times? Do you need to say “no” more to allow yourself time to rest? Could you make sure you take a lunch break and block out this precious time in your work day instead of working right through it?

Boundaries are unique to each individual — and as we change and grow, they, too, need to shift along with us.

6. Ditch the multitasking and opt for single-tasking instead.

For some of us, modern living means juggling family and home life with work and social events, and multi-tasking is the only way to get things done. I rarely do one thing at a time. When I make lunch, I’ll also prepare for dinner. While watching Netflix, I’ll browse my phone for a friend’s birthday gift. 

For years, we’ve viewed multitasking as a standard to reach, something to aim for, but there is evidence to suggest that multitasking affects our brain and may make us feel more stressed. 

It appears that by having multiple goals, more pressure is placed on certain parts of our brain. The effect of switching between tasks places greater strain on our brain’s attention and control areas, which makes us less efficient. Instead, we should try single-tasking, which has us focus on one thing at a time and which is ideal for HSPs.

Realistically, we might not be able to stop multitasking all together, but we could try to add more focus to our hobbies and time with our family and friends. By leaving my phone in a different room, I can now watch a film uninterrupted, which gives my body a chance to fully relax. 

7. Journal to better manage your time anxiety.

One of the ways I manage time anxiety is by journaling regularly. Particularly in times of high stress, I’ll spend 15 minutes journaling about my day. 

There’s no right or wrong way to journal, although I find that having a series of prompts helps me to understand why I might be feeling so anxious. Prompts for understanding time anxiety could include: 

• How has the day been so far? 
• What one thing have I done that was good today, and how do I feel about that? 
• If I didn’t manage to do X thing, how does that make me feel? 
• Where do I need extra support in my life? 

Some weeks, I choose to write about the same prompt so that I can look back and reflect on how I’ve changed or improved over that time. Doing this can also highlight patterns of thinking or behavior that we might not have realized was unhelpful until we see it in black and white. 

Remember that journaling helps us make sense of emotions — and this may be useful in identifying where time anxiety’s roots lie. But it is not the only goal. Supporting ourselves through these challenging times is the aim, and a journaling practice can be a simple way of nurturing our anxious minds. 

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• Why Highly Sensitive People Hate Busy Schedules and Feeling Rushed
• The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Saying No
• These 8 Things Bring Peace to Highly Sensitive People

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post How To Cope With Time Anxiety as an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I like to think I’m pretty self-aware, but for years, I dismissed the signs that I was a sensitive person. And not just a sensitive person, but a highly sensitive one.

Before I realized I was more sensitive than most, I felt the world was out of kilter, that I was out of step with everybody else. It was as though the majority of people were on one conveyor belt and I was on another, moving in the opposite direction. I tried to keep up with them and follow what they did, but I was only left exhausted and unhappy. 

For me, admitting my sensitivity was a big deal. I felt there were so many negative connotations associated with being a highly sensitive person, so I railed against it for years. I grew up in a family of sensitive people, whose sensitivity seemed to bring with it all kinds of problems; everything affected them in a negative way. So why would I want to be one of them, so to speak?

Similarly, our Western culture promulgates the message that being confident, self-assured, and daring wins the race. Deep down, I felt as though being sensitive was the opposite of those golden qualities, and that it meant fragility, vulnerability, and even liability. 

But I was wrong. Once I admitted that I’m an HSP, everything began to make sense, and I saw all the value sensitivity could bring to my life and the world at large.

If I look back at my job challenges and successes through the lens of sensitivity, I can see why I struggled with some jobs and excelled at others. For example, I believed I was weak when I struggled to work in a large open plan office to the constant buzz of chatter, screeching phones, and shifting priorities. But I wasn’t. It was just my HSP self being overstimulated by all those external factors.

And, on a wider scale, I can now understand why I value the things I value, why I find certain environments jarring, and, ultimately, why I am the way I am. These sensitive qualities are what makes my interaction with the world so intense and what makes me embrace my HSP traits now. 

Yes, admitting your sensitivity can be daunting, and you’ll probably feel vulnerable, but the amazing benefits will outweigh the initial discomfort once you take that leap. 

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

7 Ways Your Life Will Change for the Better When You Embrace Your Sensitivity

1. You’ll finally find balance as you acknowledge your HSP needs.

Balance can be hard to achieve when you’re a sensitive person. Like me, you might want to learn as much as possible, read every book, travel, exercise, see friends… and the list goes on. 

Now, I finally understand that my sensitive nature means that juggling too many commitments at once (however fun they may be) can leave me feeling utterly drained and annoyed at my inability to keep up with everyone else. HSPs tend to get mentally and emotionally flooded, which is why it’s important to manage your expectations.

Those with sensitive personalities usually feel time pressure differently than others and hate being rushed. An appointment in the afternoon may mean that you’re unable to fully relax or even focus on the morning’s events. 

But we do love our routines. If I have a day full of meetings, scheduling a half-hour for a walk (or something that takes me out of my head and into my body) will mean I feel less tired by the end of the day. Being aware of my sensitivity — without judgment — means that I finally found equilibrium in all facets of my life.

2. Your energy levels will increase as you learn to better manage your HSP traits.

Hanging onto a way of living that is not in sync with the real you is emotionally exhausting and will impact your energy, particularly for sensitive people. And if I’ve learned anything as an HSP, it’s that we need to protect our energy, whether we stop rushing around or say “no” to more things.

Accepting our sensitive nature means our energy soars. Like casting off a heavy winter coat when you walk into a warm and cozy room, our bodies feel lighter somehow as we stop our internal struggle with ourselves. 

With this extra energy, you’ll likely feel an emotional boost, too. 

3. You’ll finally find “your people,” the ones who feel as deeply as you do.

Fellow HSPs, have you often felt as though you don’t really fit in? That you don’t know others who are like you? 

I grew up feeling different, like the way I seemed to absorb the emotions of others and picked up on subtle tensions in groups of friends. I also felt disinterested with the superficial chatter that surrounded my early 20s, preferring deeper, more thought-provoking conversations instead.

It was years before I found friends who understood my need to cry over an animal cruelty post on social media or ones who were also more sensitive and felt things as deeply as I did. But when I did find them, we instantly had an unexplainable sensitivity bond.

4. You’ll be inspired to learn more about yourself.

Now that I know sensation seeking is a thing in the world of sensitive people, I place importance on going out in the elements, traveling to new places, and learning new things, understanding that these are integral to my well-being.

Knowing what both energizes, and drains, us is vital for living a harmonious life. Look at your past experiences: When did you feel happy and at ease? What didn’t work, and what caused you to struggle?   

Think about your environment, your friends, your hobbies, your job, and use this information to benefit your current and future self. If certain things overwhelm your sensitive soul, think about focusing on the things that bring you more calm instead.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

5. You’ll embrace your highly sensitive traits like superpowers.

Embracing our sensitive qualities is vital to being content in this ever-changing world. 

Sure, since we HSPs feel things so deeply, it can sometimes be a challenge, but I prefer to view it as a superpower. For instance, I thought everybody experienced music in the same way I do; it’s like a full-body reaction for me. Yet I’ve since learned that highly sensitive people experience the arts differently than non-HSPs — we may appreciate all the little nuances in music and art that others may not notice.

I also embrace my superpowers when it comes to nature. I find peace in the quiet spaces, like the woods, where my sensitive senses can be left alone, and find animals to be my equal. 

Being outside elevates my day overall and is good for us — it floods our bodies with immune-boosting endorphins and deepens our connection with the external world, as well as our internal world. 

6. You’ll acknowledge your needs — and it’ll deepen your connection with loved ones.

Admitting your sensitivity to loved ones can be a big thing. Once you do have the courage to do so, you allow yourself to be seen and can finally assert your needs. 

Planning what you might say when you explain your needs will help you to express yourself clearly. It’s not about rejecting your partner’s or family’s way of doing things, but allowing them to see your differences. 

For instance, you can finally tell them what will truly make your HSP self happy — how watching scary movies may not be for you or that you need plenty of time to yourself to wind down after a long day.

By acknowledging your needs as a highly sensitive person, you’ll not only get to know yourself better, but your loved ones will get to know you better, too, and this will benefit everybody in the long run. 

7. You’ll live life more authentically.

Don’t underestimate the word “authentically” —  as a fad, buzzword, or self-help jargon; it might seem hard to understand the true meaning of the word until we live in tune with our deeper selves. Once you listen to your inner voice and honor it, though, things will seem to flow a little easier. 

At first, you’ll notice small changes; you’ll begin to avoid or minimize things in your life that aren’t right for you, situations that don’t align with your high sensitivity. For example, previously you may have pushed yourself to go to a networking event every week after a full work week. Now, however, you have the confidence to shelve that and network once a month in person, or explore online opportunities to do so. 

In short, you’ll identify what is vital for you to live alongside your true, authentic values as your highly sensitive self.

HSPs, how did your life change when you embraced your sensitivity? Let me know in the comments below.

You might like: 

• 7 Secret Benefits of Being a Highly Sensitive Person
• Being an HSP Is a Superpower — But It’s Almost Impossible to Explain It
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 7 Ways Your Life Will Change for the Better When You Embrace Your Sensitivity appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Awe-struck, awesome, awe-inspiring — these are words that are freely used in our language today. You’ve probably used them yourself, likely not long ago. But if I were to ask you to recall the last time you actually felt awe, I’ll bet the answer doesn’t come to you as readily. 

Awe is an elusive emotion but it’s likely you’ve felt it at some point. And If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP) like me, there are good reasons for bringing more awe into your life — it might even do something special for HSPs that others don’t experience.

What Does It Mean to Feel Awe?

Awe is such a small, unassuming word for an emotion so powerful. Dacher Keltner, a psychology professor at the University of California, Berkeley, has written extensively on the subject of awe. In his book Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How it can Transform Your Life, he defines awe as “the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your current understanding of the world.” I don’t know about you, but just reading that definition makes me feel good. 

You might be most familiar with awe from its central role in the experience of nature, religion, politics, or art. Awe can be felt in any event or moment that represents something bigger than itself, and there are cultural and contextual variations of the awe experience. Nevertheless it is still a universal emotion. 

Awe is not strictly positive — that’s why the word “awful” means something so different from “awesome” — but it is often an emotion that guides us toward that which matters to us. In this article, we will look at awe in terms of the positive effects it has — especially for highly sensitive people.

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The Two ‘Building Blocks’ of Awe

Where does awe come from? In a landmark paper by Keltner and Jonathan Haidt, they propose that awe is characterized by two features: “perceived vastness” and a “need for accommodation.” Here’s how these two ingredients lead to awe:

• Perceived vastness means anything that is seen as “being much larger than the self or the self’s ordinary experience.” Vastness can mean actual physical size (like the Grand Canyon) or social size, such as power, fame or prestige (think of meeting the president, or a childhood hero). Vastness can include sounds or movement or being in a space that suggests a higher presence. That’s why cathedrals often invoke awe — they are design to be tall, vast spaces with colored light filtering down from above, as if standing at the gates of Heaven. 
• Need for accommodation means the process of adjusting the mental structures with which we view the world to incorporate new experiences. That can involve opening your mind, seeing something in a new light, or allowing yourself to embrace a new experience. It also means pushing your limits. Such “accommodation” can be challenging, even disorienting, because awe-inspiring experiences often fall outside of your everyday knowledge. (This is part of why people feel so transformed and enlightened by travel: the places they go may be totally normal to those who live there, but are completely outside of the traveler’s normal everyday life. Travel can therefore provoke awe, in a way that your home simply cannot.) Whenever an experience requires you to expand to accommodate something new, you start to feel vaster in your own right, provoking awe. 

In his work, Keltner draws on his own experiences of feeling awe: you might feel awe in the presence of a person you admire, the spectrum of colors in a sunset, or the wonder of a newborn’s perfectly tiny hands and feet. 

Awe is an experience characterized by feelings of wonder, collaboration and creativity. Thinking about my own life experiences, I’ve found awe is elicited in new endeavors and it’s often sprung up on me unexpectedly. Last summer’s women’s football world cup is an example of when I experienced awe unexpectedly. 

Is Awe Vanishing from Your Life? 

Awe relies on us having an awareness and often puts in an appearance in the quiet moments, or when we’re present in our bodies and minds. Therefore, is awe an elusive emotion in our lives? Some psychologists believe we are in fact awe-deprived. 

The culture in the United States is an individualistic one, one which rewards accomplishments, materialism and gains. To achieve these things, often we are in a state of doing rather than being, sometimes even numb to the world around us. We prize intellect and the rational, we laud busyness over quietness. And this means increasingly we are living distanced from our bodies and the natural world. 

People are spending less time in the natural world, participation in organized religion has decreased in many developed countries and the way we spend our work and leisure time means we’re increasingly in isolation from others. Does this mean we prize external experiences over the invisible, that which can ‘only’ be felt rather than measured or compared?

Does Technology Mute Our Sense of Awe?

Technology has played a huge part in the speed at which we now live and how we interact with each other and our world.  We socialize by logging into multiplayer games and we have fewer manual jobs because computers and mechanization have stepped in instead. 

Type anything into an internet search engine and technology will find what you’re seeking. We can also drop our computer cursor anywhere on a map of the world and see it, without having to leave the comfort of our homes. We can watch video tutorials and reels from everything from how to change a car tyre to what the northern lights look like over Lapland. 

Having ready access to information and content can lead us to feel as though we have seen it all, there is nothing new under the sun. 

In contrast to our instant and distanced culture, awe is experienced in the quiet, tiny and often fleeting moments that require us to be in a state of awareness or openness. How many of us can say they are in a state of awareness every day? I know I can’t. 

I don’t think we’ve lost our capacity to feel awe, instead I think it’s that it’s slipped from our everyday experiences. 

For HSPs, having down time and regular time to ourselves is absolutely vital if we’re to flourish. Those of us who are aware of this may be more likely to experience awe. 

Is Awe Good for Your Health?

In a 2022 study, Keltner and co-author Maria Monroy asked whether awe could be a pathway to mental or physical health. To answer that, they looked at three very different experiences that can provoke awe: spiritual contemplation, being moved by music, and taking psychedelic drugs (!). Reviewing these experiences and a wealth of other studies, they were able to dig into the neurology of awe — and the powerful ways in which it benefits your body, mind, and social connections. 

For one thing, they found, feelings of awe can bring heart rate changes and “goosebumps.” Psychological effects can include an increased positive mood and sense of connectedness.

In fact, experiencing awe triggers the release of oxytocin, which has been described as the love hormone;  research links oxytocin to social ties, bonding and relationships. The hormone makes you feel safe and is an antidote to stress — both of which can be especially useful for highly sensitive people, whose nervous systems are quicker to trigger than most.

Why Awe Is Especially Good for HSPs

Research suggests that a person’s tendency to experience awe is related to other positive character traits such as appreciation of beauty, gratitude and creativity. Highly sensitive people are known for their increased empathy, their capacity for deep thought, and how they are highly affected by beauty and tend to seek answers to the big questions in life. 

Some of the challenges of high sensitivity include being more affected by time pressure, noise and change. These challenges mean HSPs are more prone to feeling stress.  

Highly sensitive people feel more deeply than others. They have more finely tuned nervous systems which mean they’re more likely to experience the world more deeply, everything is more heightened. We know that their depth of sensory processing can cause overwhelm.

HSPs can reduce their feelings of stress by feeling more grounded and present. When we think of an awe-inspiring experience, let’s say viewing the wondrous beauty of the Yosemite National Park, or marvel at the detail shown at the end of a telescope, do we think about our to-do list? No. We’re fully present for a moment, however brief. 

Due to the sensitivity of an HSP’s nervous system and processing sensitivity, they may be prone to feeling time pressure and even time anxiety. Studies suggest that feeling awe can help us to  feel we have more time .

Awe’s ability to increase feelings of interconnectedness may help foster relationships which are important for good wellbeing.  HSPs need to feel authentic connections with others and the world around them so awe can help us feel more connected to others.

Research strongly suggests that there are three types of HSPs; the “super sensor,” the “super feeler” and the “aesthete.” (You can be more than one type, or even all three.) Those with heightened aesthetic sensitivity may be more able to feel awe more frequently. In fact, studies suggest that individuals who are more open to new experiences and more comfortable with ambiguity may have an increased capacity for experiencing awe. The aesthete HSP who is highly attuned to beauty, art or physical surroundings may have a capacity for noticing the triggers which often lead to awe. 

Whatever type of HSP you are, your keen sense of feeling and depth of processing means that you’re able to benefit from feeling awe because of this depth of feeling. As a result of this HSPs may feel awe more deeply than non-HSPs. I can recall many times when a piece of music or a highly emotional scene in a television drama has given me the chills. When I’ve compared my experience to my non-HSP partner’s reaction to the same scene, most of the time they haven’t shared my reaction. 

In other words:

• HSPs may be more capable of feeling awe than other people are
• Awe may affect us more strongly, including its positive benefits
• Awe may specifically combat the type of stress — time anxiety — that otherwise sends HSPs into “overwhelm mode.” 

If that’s the case, then taking time to feel awe in your life may be akin to a silver bullet for your most stressful HSP moments. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

How to Cultivate Awe in Your Life

Awe can be found almost anywhere with the right perspective, but some conditions make it easy to cultivate awe no matter who you are. Here are three of the most reliable ways to experience awe:

1. Seek novel experiences

Awe is found in the everyday and the bigger moments in life. People who are more open to new experiences may feel more awe. What you find awe-inspiring will differ from another person and what one person defines as a novel experience another might not. Your hike high to the hills high above your hometown might be novel to you, or you might find wonder in the way a tiny flower pokes its head from between the cracks in the pavement in the parking lot outside your workplace. 

As an HSP, you might be craving something more authentic and quieter, calmer. The context and scale of the event will be personal to you and this will give it meaning. You might find awe in the connection with a like-minded soul, or in the process  of creating art. 

2. Follow your heroes

If you want to experience awe more, follow your heroes. Follow those people who you admire, who you idolize, those who inspire you and you’ll feel awe, I guarantee it. For me, discovering my favorite football player and realizing I idolized them is a constant dose of oxytocin. We need these people in our lives. 

Those of you reading this who have watched their favorite musician live in concert among other excited fans will know the powerful emotions involved. You may feel awe at the way one person can affect a vast audience. You only have to see the Taylor Swift mania to acknowledge that awe can be found in following your heroes. 

3. Capture your experiences

You might not be able to cultivate new experiences for creating awe, so why not re-live previous awe-inspiring moments? Depending on the type of experience or moment, you could capture them by taking photographs or videos. By documenting some of these moments and viewing them after the fact, you could capture some of that magic you felt at the time. At the very least you will be taking a moment to pause in your day and that is never a bad idea. 

Although I can’t beat the feeling of watching my footballing idols run along the pitch just meters away from me, watching the videos of that time captured on my phone reminds me how recording these experiences help lift my mood. 

Awe is an experience characterized by feelings of wonder, collaboration and creativity. Knowing that our experience of awe can bring such positive effects should be a positive idea for HSPs means we could all benefit from cultivating more awe in our lives. After all, if we’re going to feel all our emotions so strongly, don’t we deserve to revel in the most positive emotion of all? 

You Might Like:

• The 9 Habits of Happy HSPs 
• Do HSPs Need a Unique, Quirky Lifestyle? 
• Why Understanding Your Attachment Style Is a Game Changer for HSPs

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Does Feeling Awe Do Something Extra for HSPs? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

If you’re anything like me, the fall season is synonymous with learning something new, leftover from school and university days. Our formal education may have ended, but there will always be a need for us to learn something new, be it a skill at work, a new recipe you want to try, or a hobby you want to pursue. And when you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you welcome these opportunities, whether they’re a passion or part of your life’s purpose. 

Until I found and read Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, I didn’t realize that highly sensitive people learned differently. I always believed that it was my fault when I got the difficult stuff right and the easy stuff wrong. 

And when I had to learn a skill while being observed by others, I felt like an anomaly, convinced I couldn’t do things as well as others. After all, time anxiety makes us HSPs nervous! An example of a job I know I could never do, for example, is work in a coffee shop. The thought of all eyes on me as I make drinks makes me cringe inside!

As a teen, being shown how to work the cash registers at a clothing store job was painfully embarrassing, as I’d hit the wrong key over and over again. I’d even blush and feel so awkward when customers watched me fold and bag the clothes they’d just bought. However, away from the glare of my supervisor or colleagues, I’d perform really well. Over time, I became adept at working in retail — instead of worrying about the customers watching my every move, I’d focus on chatting with them to divert the attention of all involved! 

Now, think about your life as an HSP and if you’ve ever experienced the following: 

• Struggled to learn a practical physical skill under the observation of others, such as learning to drive or ride a horse.
• You easily ace the difficult tasks, yet struggle with the beginner basics.
• You learn well in many ways, but particularly in visual form.
• Loud environments are too distracting for you to learn quickly, like in open-plan study rooms. 

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How HSPs Learn Differently Than Non-HSPs

According to Psychologist Dr. Linda K. Silverman, who originated the concept of the “visual-spatial learner” (VSL) and wrote Upside-Down Brilliance: The Visual-Spatial Learner, they learn through their bodies in a holistic way, rather than by a step-by-step approach. Ideas are interconnected rather than sequential. These learners are  aware of patterns and are able to see the bigger picture. I see similarities in myself as an HSP. 

Many of us are more familiar with the step-by-step approach to learning, which forms the basis of a lot of formal education. It’s not that HSPs can’t learn in this way — it’s just that an HSP’s gifts lend themselves to different methods of learning in certain situations. 

This is because:

• HSP’ brains are wired differently. Highly sensitive people have sensory processing sensitivity, which means heightened sensory awareness. We have a deeper processing of sensory information, as well as behavioral responses to environmental stimulation and social stimuli. We literally think and make decisions in a different way to non-HSPs. 
• HSPs get easily overwhelmed by their environment. An HSP’s central nervous system is sensitive to physical, social, and environmental stimuli. Constantly bombarded by such stimuli, HSPs receive — and process — so much information. At the same time, they struggle to filter it out. Just imagine you’re in a college classroom of 20 people and the class is engaged in some group work. The room has bright light and there’s a mix of scents in the air — perfume and soda. How is this an ideal environment for HSPs to learn? If you’re like me, you’ve had to learn to cope with situations like these… many times.
• HSPs have perfectionist tendencies. If you’re a highly sensitive type, you’re probably a perfectionist — which makes learning anything new a completely different challenge than for non-HSPs! Perfectionists hold themselves to a very high standard. When learning something new, logically, we wouldn’t expect others to get it right the first time, yet perfectionists expect this of themselves. Unsuprisingly, such an unrealistic view can lead to feelings of disappointment and failure. 

So now that we’ve looked at how highly sensitive people learn differently than non-HSPs, let’s look at the four things HSPs need to succeed.

4 Things Highly Sensitive People Need to Succeed When Learning Something New 

1. You don’t have to learn everything right away.

Highly sensitive people have an urgency to do things right now. Couple this with a tendency toward perfectionism, and learning will be extra difficult without a balanced approach. When it comes to learning something new, the old adage “learn to walk before you can run” is a helpful mantra. 

The way I’ve learned to deal with my perfectionism is to compare myself only to myself when learning something new. I’ll ask myself: Am I moving forward? If not, what have I learned this time around? These questions are open-ended and help take the pressure off. 

2. Find an environment that meets your sensitive needs, like someplace quiet.

When I’m learning something new, at the top of my must-have list in terms of location is privacy. In a quiet environment, without the energy and eyes of others, my highly sensitive self feels most relaxed and able to focus on the task in hand. That way, it’s easier to get into a “flow state” and not get distracted by anything or anyone.

Obviously, privacy isn’t always a practical option, particularly at work or college, so you may have to compromise. Have strategies to get the best out of yourself in these situations. You might use noise-canceling headphones, schedule regular breaks for some alone time (crucial for us HSPs!), and choose small group/one-on-one learning to help you do your best. 

I also love this advice from Dr. Aron — she advises us to openly let others know that certain situations are more challenging for us. We might say something like, “I’m a musician/ student/nurse/teacher/etc., so learning to drive/rock climb/knit/swim is very different for me.” I wish I’d had this advice in my teenage years!

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

3. Make use of learning aids, like podcasts or apps.

Don’t be afraid to experiment to find how best you learn. If video and audio is easier for you to absorb, try finding a podcast or app that helps.

For example, I like to use color when learning a new topic or concept. By color-coding my notes, or writing in different-colored pens, I’m able to make connections between concepts and ideas. 

You may even find that a mix of learning aids helps you, such as hands-on learning, supported by reading theories or contexts. 

The important thing to bear in mind is that it’s okay to learn differently from others. HSPs are deep thinkers — and learners — and you will get there!

4. Celebrate your successes — every single one.

Nobody likes to fail, but HSPs often find failure particularly devastating, especially when it comes to  learning something new. An important aspect in teaching (or coaching) an HSP is to pick up every success, no matter big or small. Constant positive reinforcement goes a long way to dampening down an HSP’s perfectionism — it reminds them of their ability to succeed.

Passed that exam? Learned how to dance? Finally mastered cake baking? Great! Decide how you want to reward yourself for a job well done. Everybody needs motivation, and seeing yourself smash through the milestones (again, no matter their size!) on your learning journey is a great way to spur you on to your final goal.

In a favorable environment, HSPs can pick up new skills and perform just as well as non-HSPs. You have the potential — just as anybody else might — and with reassurance and patience, you can be the best you can be!

You might like:

• How Practicing a ‘Flow State’ Is Revolutionary for HSPs
• Why ‘Highly Sensitive’ Is Just Another Word for ‘Deep Thinker’
• How To Cope With Time Anxiety as an HSP

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Sensitive People Learn Differently. Here’s What They Need to Succeed appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

If I’ve learned anything from the past two years of uncertainty and upheaval brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s that, as a highly sensitive person (HSP), I can’t underestimate the importance of taking care of my mental health.

The Mental Health Association’s “The State of Mental Health” report found that, prior to the pandemic, in 2019, 19.8 percent of adults experienced mental illness, equivalent to 50 million Americans. Unsurprisingly, COVID-19 has exacerbated the prevalence of mental health struggles. 

Why Mental Health Is Important for HSPs

Because we highly sensitive people have a finely tuned nervous system, our sensory processing sensitivity trait makes us experience the world around us with greater detail and awareness. 

While sensitivity is a wonderful personality trait, HSPs can be prone to burnout and overstimulation more so than others. After all, deep processing takes a lot of physical and emotional energy. In addition, HSPs experience their emotions more intensely than non-HSPs. And because sensitive people’s nervous systems are heightened, they’re more reactive to external stimuli, which can be super challenging in our loud and technicolored world. So, without balance and practicing self-care, this can lead to mental health conditions, such as anxiety and depression. 

However, by understanding their HSP tendencies, highly sensitive people can create — and maintain — balance and improve their mental health. Learning about the nervous system and how it works is the key to living in harmony with the full range of HSP traits.  

Here are ways to make the most of your sensitivity and maintain good mental health. 

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10 Mental Health Game-Changers for Highly Sensitive People

1. Start tracking your moods, either via an app or through journaling.

When you’re struggling through a bad period of mental health or a difficult time, people have a tendency to keep their head down and trudge on. And it is hard to pull yourself out when you’re in the depths of depression or the coil of anxiety. That’s why it’s useful to develop your awareness muscle so you can tap into the signs or triggers before they take hold.     

One way to do this is to use a mood tracker app, like Moodfit, or create a simple journal entry using a scale of 1-10 to reflect how you’re feeling each day. (Overall, journaling is a great way to help you make sense of your emotions.)

When you become more responsive to your mood — and use your high HSP emotional intelligence to focus on you — you can take action to get your ship back on course. When I notice my mood consistently dipping below a “5,” for example, I go back to basics: make sure I get enough sleep, eat only whole foods (not ones full of preservatives),  take time to get outside every day, and so on. After all, we HSPs need more sleep anyway, so that alone makes me feel better!   

2. Create a healthy environment for yourself.

We know how important physical environment is for HSPs.  When I moved to a new house and all my belongings were in cardboard boxes, crowded around my desk, I recognized the claustrophobic feeling immediately. To make sure I could concentrate when I worked from home, I kept one room clear of boxes and worked in there instead. In other words, I was aware of my environmental psychology and adjusted accordingly for my HSP needs.

What makes up a healthy physical environment will differ for each highly sensitive person, although there are general things to bear in mind — use colors that calm you or cheer you up, find inviting textures with soft furnishings, make use of good storage, and avoid clutter. 

3. Develop a wake-up and morning routine.

My wake-up routine is key to having a good mental health day, and automating it has shown to help avoid decision fatigue. I get up at the same time every day, eat breakfast, and then take a short walk. These repeated actions help me feel in control and gently guide me into the new day. 

Planning the first moments of your day has many benefits, and these positive signs send a signal to your brain and body that all is well. Give it a try for a week and see how you feel.

4. Work with your “rest and digest” function.

The vagus nerve is the main controller of the parasympathetic nervous system, one-third of our autonomic nervous systems. Part of the “rest and digest” function, the vagus nerve takes messages to the regions of our brain responsible for our body’s stress response, including heart rate, breathing, and digestion. “Rest and digest” is opposite that of “fight-or-flight,” the stress response.

Research shows that when you increase your vagal tone, you will see a positive effect on your mental health. Studies have demonstrated that singing/humming, chanting, and yoga therapy can improve emotional resilience significantly. 

5. Spend time with animals, whether they’re a friend’s or at a shelter.

Highly sensitive people have a special bond with animals. Research, too, shows that animals have a therapeutic effect on mental health, particularly in times of crisis. For example, during the mid-2020 lockdown, two neighborhood stray cats began visiting my backyard. Week after week, I got used to seeing them dozing beneath the shade of the plants or chasing each other across the tall neighboring walls. 

Somehow, they brought a different energy, a calming presence that pulled me out of my anxiety and into the present moment. If you don’t have a pet, you might consider taking a friend’s dog for a walk or volunteering with an animal charity. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

6. Listen to music to help soothe you.

The impact of music on mood regulation has long been understood. Music’s wavelengths have the ability to make us feel. Whether those feelings are upbeat, sad, or hopeful, music has the power to elicit our deepest emotions.(And we all know we HSPs have deep emotions!) Who hasn’t been cheered by their favorite song on a Monday morning or suddenly found themselves crying to a song that comes on the car radio?

For HSPs, the soothing and mood-boosting effect of music is greater, due to our ability to feel more deeply than others. If you’re having trouble getting to the bottom of why you feel out of it, I recommend finding a song that matches your mood and listening to it. Often, a word or phrase will resonate with you and you’ll be better able to identify and process your emotions.

7. Use somatic techniques, either through movement or meditation.

Somatic therapy is a mind, body, and spirit therapeutic practice that’s particularly useful for those with anxiety or trauma. I use somatic movement to help me process and release the pent-up energy following a busy work week. There’s no special way I do this — I put on a piece of music and let my body move along to the rhythm. 

Performing movement in this way demands that the mind focus on physical rhythms, which disrupts anxious thoughts. Simple movement like this brings me out of my head and into my body, improving my mood for hours afterwards. If movement isn’t your thing, you can also try somatic meditation.

8. Work with your dopamine system to help regulate your emotional response.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the “reward and pleasure” area of the brain. The hormone is released as a reward for doing something — it’s that feel-good hit when we achieve a goal or satisfy a craving. The neurotransmitter also regulates our emotional response. 

HSPs are less motivated by external rewards than non-HSPs, and they respond differently to dopamine. Highly sensitive individuals may find themselves shy away from highly stimulating parties or crowded bars as a means of shaking off the work week. Instead, they may be drawn to exercise, being creative, and listening to music to increase their dopamine levels.

9. Slow down your breathing to help relax you.

Sleep and mental health are closely linked. When your mood is subpar, it’s not uncommon to oversleep, or even struggle to get to sleep, due to racing thoughts. 

Coherent breathing is a method of slow breathing that has transformed my rest and sleep. Essentially, it reduces the number of breaths per minute from an average of 15 down to five. Slowing our breathing signals to our autonomic nervous system (ANS) that we are in a relaxed state and ready for rest. 

If you want a relatively quick way to bring calm to a worried or busy mind, especially before sleep, you may want to give it a try. Here’s how: 

• Breathe in slowly for a count of six
• Release the breath slowly for a count of six
• Repeat for as long as you need

10. Prioritize downtime — it’s an HSP need! 

HSPs need space to decompress, process their emotions, and fill up their depleted cup. With deep processing abilities and our tendency to feel so much, there is science behind why HSPs need more alone time than others. 

Building downtime into the day can be a buffer, even if it’s just 10 minutes with a cup of herbal tea between your commute and starting work. During busy times, I often book a day off from work so that I can rest, spend time reading, walking, or writing. This strategy has helped me keep overwhelm at bay. There are lots of ways to recharge your batteries, and even if time is scarce, we can all find five minutes for downtime in order to protect our mental health. 

It’s All About Trial and Error

You’ll come to identify the things that improve your mental health the most through trial and error. Be open and curious. One day, something that you’ve relied on in your mental health toolbox may turn out to not work as well. That’s okay. Sometimes, this is an indication of positive growth and improvement. Other times, there’s no rhyme or reason for it.

The thing to do is to move on to the next tool. Try out a new hobby. Mix and match — and try not to overthink it (which we HSPs do all too well!).

You might like:

• 3 Things I Keep in My ‘HSP Mental Health Toolbox’
• Coping With Anxiety and Depression as an HSP
• ‘Normal’ Things That Overstimulate Me as a Highly Sensitive Person

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Are These the 10 Biggest Mental Health Game-Changers for Highly Sensitive People? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Have you ever heard the phrase “change is the only constant in life”? Do those words fill you with a surge of energy and curiosity? Or do they maybe settle as a cold anxiety in the pit of your stomach? Perhaps like me, the reason change unsettles you is because it throws you off your game. And that is harder for some people than others — especially for highly sensitive people.

We all experience change every single day. I’ve come to realize in the past couple of years that transitions, from the smallest to the largest in life, impact me significantly. I feel the shifts in the world around me constantly, from the physical to the emotional. 

Every kind of transition is a change. From the daily commute to changing the restaurant you visit with friends, from the shift in seasons to the larger changes in our lives such as changing jobs or schools or moving. These transitions affect highly sensitive people (HSPs) particularly strongly, in part because of how our brains are wired. And if you’re anything like me, changes can leave you feeling overwhelmed somehow just “off.”

Let’s look at why HSPs react this way — and how we can start to feel at peace with changes instead.

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Why Do Sensitive People Struggle With Change?

I used to believe my negative response to change was a fundamental flaw in who I was as a person, that it made me lesser than my friends who experienced many of the same changes but who seemingly were able to breeze through them. Now I realize my response has a lot to do with being a highly sensitive person. Highly sensitive people are the 30 percent of the population who are more physically and emotionally sensitive than others. It’s a trait that comes with many gifts, including deep thinking, creativity, and compassion, but it also comes with its share of challenges. 

For example, as a highly sensitive person, I’m more affected by my environment and am more susceptible to overstimulation. In fact, highly sensitive people are wired at a biological level to experience the world more deeply. We process more information about our environment, spend more time thinking about it and have bigger feelings about it, and notice details that others miss. 

When it comes to changes, this wiring means there are three big factors that make transitions more challenging for us: a sense of overwhelm, a trait we have called “depth of processing,” and our unique perception of time and deadlines. Here’s how each one affects us:

Feelings of Overwhelm

When I changed jobs recently I knew from past experience that this disruption from my usual routine would leave me unsettled for months. Not just for the first two months, we’re talking more like six months. In the past when I’ve changed jobs, the different office environment, new people and tasks, meant my sleep was disrupted, I craved more comfort foods, I even came to view social activities as another to-do list so I withdrew from friends. Frequently by the end of the week I’m wrung out, exhausted. 

What I’ve described here is emotional overwhelm as a result of sheer overstimulation of the senses and the mind. In fact, research suggests that highly sensitive people are more prone to experiencing emotional overwhelm because they react to external stimuli at a greater depth than non-HSPs. And, although less-sensitive people might not notice it, any change in routine, setting or expectations is highly stimulating — everything coming in is novel, and the brain cannot just filter it out as background. That is both why new experiences can be so invigorating but also, without ample planning and preparation, very overwhelming for HSPs. 

‘Depth of Processing’

When you’re highly sensitive you take in more information and do more with it than non-HSPs. This is known as deeper cognitive processing and it uses up a lot of our brain’s energy. So when we’re exposed to change, we take in every detail. Think of it as being extra thorough: we ponder more, consider connections with more ideas and experiences, and sit with our feelings more, too. As a result we take longer than non-HSPs to process the thing that has changed for us. 

This depth of processing powers many HSP strengths — such as noticing what others miss, or seeing possibilities others don’t consider. But it also means our deep-processing brains get overloaded with new information and new expectations. Sometimes, that means getting thrown off by the smallest details. (I remember a few years ago, my office at work was redecorated and was the only one who could detect the “new paint smell” for six months afterwards — which was very distracting while I worked.) Other times, it means needing extra time to adjust or overthinking everything as we try to figure out the details of the new norm. 

How HSPs Perceive Time and Deadlines

To be clear: I can meet deadlines, and I like working towards a goal. And HSPs are not only reliable about deadlines, they are actually particularly valuable in the workplace. But, in or out of work, I feel overloaded when too many demands pile up at once. 

Of course, this is true to everyone to an extent. But HSPs particularly struggle with demanding schedules because each item on the lineup is perceived as a stimulus to that aforementioned deep-processing brain. Simply put: the HSP brain is wired to go deep, but it cannot go deep on everything, particularly when it’s all coming in at once. That’s when we’re at peak risk of overstimulation and emotional overload. 

Most changes come with at least a temporary pressure on our time, because adjusting to new things takes longer than just doing what you’re used to. If you imagine your usual schedule of family, friends, social life, work, and household chores and add in the thing that’s changed for you, large or small, then you can see the reason a more sensitive person may suddenly feel overloaded or behind.

Together, these three factors can sometimes make changes seems extremely stressful to HSPs — but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

How to Handle Change as an HSP

HSPs are actually just as capable of handling change as everyone else, and even sometimes enjoying it. We just have to approach it differently. There are five specific steps HSPs can take to become comfortable with change (and ditch the overwhelm) — and they start with truly understanding how you currently respond to change. 

Here are the five steps HSPs can use to handle change comfortably:

1. Identify what you can control

Some changes are totally outside of your control. Often there will always be a level of uncertainty that comes with new things. We never have to be gentle with ourselves and understand that no one gets the heads up on all of life’s big changes that are out of our control because that’s not possible. 

Some transitions you can have control over, for example getting out of bed in the morning. Whichever transitions that cause distress, make the ones that are in control easier for you by planning. How could you make that shock of leaving the warm safety of your bed to the sensory shock of a shower in the morning better? Leave out your bathing products, your outfit for the day, set two alarms. Preparing for what I can helps me manage a smooth transition. 

2. Give yourself the gift of time

Every day we go through lots of transitions and some of these can cause low level stress to HSPs. Perhaps not enough for us to feel physical symptoms, but enough for us to not look forward to the transition, or to overthink the transition. For me an example of this is getting on one train and then another. I cannot relax on the first train due to knowing I’ll have to change trains soon. Such a small thing perhaps but one that can benefit from time. I allow myself the most time I can to change trains even if it means waiting in cold train stations longer than I’d like. During these times I prioritize self care. A favorite Spotify playlist or a familiar podcast helps soothe me while I wait. I’ve found that adding more time for me to do something that’s in opposition to the stimulation of the transition really helps. For example, when the change in light comes as summer wanes into fall, I spend time indoors, making my home environment a pleasant space as fall and winter come along. Cosy spaces, soft lighting, my favorite books and textures. These little things can be huge mental health game changers for HSPs during the transitions in life. 

3. Manage expectations 

Moving house is widely acknowledged as one of the biggest stresses in our lives, but moving hits HSPs much harder than most. I felt so out of sorts for over eight months after I moved house and I couldn’t help but think that made me weak. It seemed to me that everyone else copes with moving with most of their sanity intact so why couldn’t I? Here is where as HSPs we need to manage our own expectations before managing others’. As a highly sensitive person, such a dramatic shift in our physical environment, not to mention the emotional adjustment after having left one home for another, is bound to cause waves in our lives. And it doesn’t mean your reactions to moving home will be identical to your non-HSP friend. Whenever I experience a big transition, I lower my expectations of myself because that is what I can control and what will have the biggest effect on my wellbeing. Our role as a highly sensitive person during a big change is to navigate it as smoothly as possible and emerge with our wellbeing intact. 

4. Avoid too many commitments 

If I’ve had a very busy work week with lots of social interaction, I make sure my downtime on the weekend is exactly that, time for me with no demanding  commitments. Even though I love seeing my friends and have lots of hobbies and interests, I now know to trust my body and mind and having a weekend with no plans helps me manage the daily transitions and larger changes too. Agree to the bare minimum whenever you’re going through a very big transition. You’ll have more mental energy as a result of prioritizing your energy in this way. This doesn’t mean saying no to every invite, it means reviewing your energy based on your commitments. Does it really have to be you that organizes your friend’s birthday meal or can one of your other friends take over this time? Delegation is your friend! 

5. Go easy on yourself

Let’s be frank,when it comes to transitions, however frequent or infrequent, we are more able to cope better if we treat ourselves with care during the change and in general. During my house move I realized I had to change my negative self-talk which berated me for feeling stressed before even looking at my packing list. At the time, I was reading a book by kindness scientist David R. Hamilton called How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body. In it, Hamilton states that the way we talk to ourselves is one of the biggest factors in our wellbeing, and even affects our physical health. So I created a mantra that I’d repeat silently to myself at the end of the day, which really worked to help me acknowledge my feelings and feel less stressed. The mantra was personal to me, and you can create your own based on the part of your self-image you hope to change. Examples of such mantras could include:

• I know what I want in a partner, I am worthy of a good partner, and I am enough without a partner until I find them. 
• I am a good artist. I create work that matters. My audience is already finding me. 
• I have the skills to recover from loss. I am already rebuilding my life, and I will rise strong. 

Transitions happen constantly, but they do not have to lead to constant stress — or worry. When you use these five tools, you’ll find yourself surprised to realize that changes don’t throw you off, and even seem comfortable. Plus, you’ll be a little kinder to yourself.

You Might Like:

• Why Highly Sensitive People Hate Taking Risks (And How to Make It Easier)
• 11 ‘Little’ Things That Overwhelm Highly Sensitive People
• Science Confirms That Emotions Really Do Hit Harder for Highly Sensitive People

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The post HSPs, Here’s How to Handle Change Without Feeling Overwhelmed appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Science backs up the importance of a friendship group for general health and longevity. 

For highly sensitive people (HSPs), friendships are experienced much more deeply than non-HSPs. 

In part, this is because HSPs experience emotion more strongly than others because their brains are wired differently. As a result of this, finding like-minded, positive friendships can be elusive for highly sensitive people as they wade through a sea of small talk — which is why they may struggle to make friends. 

For years, I felt frustrated by the surface-level interactions I had with friends, never fully feeling I’d connected at a deeper level. I realized I was craving deeper, more meaningful bonds in my friendships — and that I wanted my friendships to last.

Why HSPs Crave Long-Lasting Connections

In the past, my group of friends were often a source of stress, and they’d wax and wane like the moon, leaving me feeling lonely and questioning my value as a friend. 

In contrast, when I began writing this article, I’d just returned from a morning walk with a new friend. We met in a Facebook group for women who love the outdoors. For months, I watched in admiration as women posted photos of their high-energy adventures in far-flung places across the globe. 

But I also felt isolated. For various reasons, late afternoon and evening hikes aren’t suitable for me. So I posted about the types of hikes I was looking for and that’s when I met someone we’ll call “Jen.”

The two of us met up for local walks a couple of times and realized we had loads in common. Plus, we were both on the sensitive side. On our recent walk, we both agreed that our energies needed a low-key gentle amble instead of a heart-pounding hike. By honoring what I needed, I came away from our meeting feeling lighter, freer, and happier. Here was a friendship I could see lasting for years!

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What Unhealthy Friendships Look Like for HSPs

Before we explore ways to attract like-minded friendships, it’s helpful to understand what unhealthy friendship looks like, particularly if you’re an HSP. After all, highly sensitive people tend to fall for toxic relationships, and this can include friendships, too. 

Let me ask you something: How often have you convinced yourself that you are the problem, instead of realizing that your friendship isn’t thriving because you’re simply incompatible? I’ll admit to feeling like this and spending years agonizing over putting boundaries in place around the wrong people. Sound familiar?

There are a variety of reasons why HSPs are often drawn to unhealthy friendships, including the following:

• They’re naturally empathetic and have a caregiving nature. This means that HSPs can be drawn to those who take advantage of our caring personalities. 
• They process things more deeply. As a result, they react more intensely to emotions caused by the ups and downs of friendships, especially when conflict is at play.
• Their empathic nature often contributes to codependent tendencies. So this means their mood is often dependent on the behavior (and mood) of their close relationships.

So if you’d like to turn things around and attract more like-minded, positive friends, here’s how you can do so.

5 Ways to Attract Like-Minded, Positive Friendships

1. Review your mindset and what you’d like in a friend.

There might be a more fulfilling way to have friendships as an HSP, one that means you aim to attract like-minded people in the first place. 

A few months ago, I was feeling lost as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic and lockdowns — and how they’d impacted my social life. I knew my old way of making friends was too draining, so I wanted to try something new. 

So, rather than feel bad about your past friendship woes, use your experience to identify what you don’t want in your future friendships. See it as a road map leading you to your new friends.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• When have I felt a connection? 
• What contributed to this connection?
• How have I maintained my friendship bonds in the past? 
• When did I feel secure in my friendships?

And, chances are, these questions will inspire you to think of other ones, too. 

2. Be willing to be vulnerable by opening yourself up to others.

Vulnerability is the key to connection. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say I used to believe that vulnerability meant weakness… but only until I discovered the work of shame and empathy researcher Dr. Brené Brown.

In her book, Daring Greatly, Brown gives us a much-needed exploration of vulnerability and its essential part in connecting, loving, and leading. Crucially, Brown states that there must be mutual vulnerability for there to be true connection between people. Brown explains that vulnerability equals feelings, and if we’re afraid of vulnerability, we’re scared of our feelings. (And if you’re an HSP, you know that we have plenty of emotions and feelings!) 

Her words changed how I approached all my social interactions. It was a relief to find out I didn’t need to be perfect, that humans bond over shared feelings and goals — and that’s what makes us human. 

Being vulnerable doesn’t mean showing all of our fears, but rather, feeling comfortable enough to share an insight into our feelings when attracting friends. For example, you might feel nervous when you attend a running event for the first time. By sharing a simple “I was so nervous about coming here today because I don’t know anybody,” it immediately puts you front-and-center for connection with another person. Likely, you’re not the only newbie, and you’re able to give that other person a chance to make you feel better. And, boom! We have connection.  

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

3. Pay attention to how the person makes you feel.

Friendships are vital to our wellbeing. When we spend time with people who “get” us, and who share our understanding of the world, research shows that the hormone oxytocin is released in our bodies. Oxytocin is the love and connection hormone, and this plays a central role in our happiness. 

As our body is the house for all our emotions, it’s important to be aware of the messages it can send to us through somatic cues, too. “Somatic” means “about the body,” and if we tune in to it, we can learn so much about ourselves. This, in turn, can pave the way to bringing positive and like-minded people into your life.

When HSPs feel great, we feel everything deeply and intensely due to our increased emotional reactivity. Ever come away from spending time with a friend whose interests align with yours? How did it feel in your body? 

When I came home after a walk with Jen, I noticed the lack of tension in my body. Our conversation had had an ease to it, and this was reflected in feelings of calm and contentment. 

So use somatic cues like these as feedback following your interactions with friends and go from there.

4. Identify your values and see if they align with those of the new people you meet.

Finding others who share your values gives you a greater chance of attracting like-minded souls into your social circle for the long-term. How can you do this? Take time for self-reflection, which can really benefit your quest for attracting similar friends. 

Identifying, and understanding, your values is one way of doing this. To identify your values, ask yourself how you’d spend your time if you were financially stable enough to not need to work every day. 

• What would your days and weekends look like? 
• Would you offer your time to volunteer and help a charity in order to make others’ lives better? 
• Would you immerse yourself in creating art or study for a certain degree? 

If you’d offer your time to help others, your values might be generosity, caring, and altruism, while dedicating yourself to artistic pursuits shows values of intuition, curiosity, and creativity. If you want to study, this shows you value curiosity, advancement, growth, and knowledge. So let these values guide you when meeting new people and when choosing activities to pursue for your social life.

5. Be authentic and honest, and the “right” friends will come along as a result.

Highly sensitive people crave authenticity in every area of their lives, and especially with others. But this means little if you’re not willing to get honest with yourself and what you want in a friendship. 

You might decide that you’re done with following the crowd and seeking surface-level friendships, putting quantity over quality. For example, when you show up to a virtual reality game event and enjoy yourself, you’ll attract others like you. Or when you finally admit that you prefer low-energy activities, like walks (although walkers know there’s nothing low-energy about hiking!), art classes, or spending time with animals, you will naturally be among people who share your interests. So your opportunities and chances for connection with positive, like-minded people will only increase.

When you truly connect with others who share your interests and values, you’ll recognize how good it feels to be in tune with those who share your world view. Sharing common ground with people similar to ourselves means there’s a good chance of such friendships lasting and lasting. 

So be your awesome, sensitive self and see how others flock to you and want to spend time around you. You’ll be surprised at how effective these small changes above can be!

You might like:

• What Highly Sensitive People Value Most in a Friend
• Why Highly Sensitive People Struggle to Make Friends (and How to Change That)
• Why Highly Sensitive People Keep Falling for Toxic Relationships — And How to Stop

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post How to Attract Like-Minded, Positive Friends as an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

How many times have you paused before expressing a need, wondered how it might sound — or how it might affect somebody else — and then decided to bury it instead? Will they think I’m needy? Will I sound like a drama queen? Will I come across as weak?

As a highly sensitive person (HSP), you might have been told you’re “too much”. As a result, sometimes our highly sensitive gifts aren’t recognized, or fully understood, by others — and we become skilled at hiding our needs, often subconsciously.

In the past, I’ve tried to shrink my highly sensitive traits, make them less obvious in hopes that they’re more palatable to non-HSPs and our busy, extroverted culture. I didn’t want to be the “boring” one who turned down invites all the time. Instead, I’d push aside my need for alone time on weekends and go-with-the-flow dictated by my more outgoing friends. I don’t think I’m alone in this, either — after all, we are social beings and want to fit in. And to fit in, we often deny our sensitive sides. 

My hesitancy to share my true needs isn’t unfounded either; like many HSPs, I’ve experienced chronic invalidation in the past, mostly from those closest to me. It’s no wonder HSPs might feel that hiding our needs is easier than the alternative!

What Do HSPs Need Anyway?

Research shows that nearly 30 percent of humans experience sensory processing sensitivity — in other words, they’re highly sensitive people. This sensitivity trait is backed by research. 

Although each highly sensitive person is unique and may experience their sensitivity in different ways, there are a few core needs that HSPs often share, including:

• Alone time to process their thoughts and experiences
• A calming environment (free of chemicals, harsh lighting, you name it)
• A space (like an HSP sanctuary) for deep thinking
• Downtime between work and social events
• Movies and TV shows that do not contain violence   
• And basically anything that decreases overstimulation instead of increasing it

Why HSPs Feel They Have to Hide Their Needs

We HSPs often internalize our needs to protect ourselves from the anticipated hostility of others — we’ll do anything to avoid conflict! When we do this too often, however, we deny our body and soul’s basic desire to be heard. 

When I reached my thirties, my body reminded me of the adage: “What we deny, multiplies.” HSPs may deny their needs as a defense mechanism, but that doesn’t mean they’ll disappear. Often, the opposite becomes true and your HSP needs will find different ways of getting your attention. 

In my case, I became plagued by optical migraines and developed skin irritations I’d never had before. Now I can see that these worrying symptoms were my body’s way of forcing me to listen to my need for balance in my life. Without realizing, I’d been denying my HSP needs for too long. So here are some reasons we HSPs must no longer hide our HSP needs.

4 Reasons Why You Should Not Hide Your Needs as an HSP

1. Even though you often put others first, your needs are just as valid.

Highly sensitive people sometimes view our needs as less valid because we’ve been conditioned to believe that our sensitivity is a weakness. Yet a belief doesn’t mean fact. I’ll be the first to say that if you’ve grown up believing the needs of others are more important, it takes practice to put yourself first. 

In psychology, there is a concept known as “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs” and it theorizes that every human being must have the basic physiological needs for survival, before advancing to safety and security needs, social needs, and esteem needs. Physiologically, we must have food, shelter, breathing, and water. And to feel in control of our lives, we need health, financial security, and a safe environment. 

Beyond the basics, everybody has needs that are unique to them. We can demonstrate our needs by having boundaries (which are not always easy for HSPs to enact, I know!) and also listening to that voice inside us that has our best interests at heart. You know, our intuition — it instinctively knows what conditions we need to thrive and shine. 

And even though we often put others first — and absorb their emotions as our own — don’t forget that our HSP needs are just as valid as anybody else’s. Let this be your guiding light. 

2. By identifying your needs, you can set yourself free.

Highly sensitive people experience stress more than others because of their finely tuned nervous systems. So ignoring our needs is a source of stress. We feel like we’re not in control of our lives, develop a negative view of others, and undermine ourselves and our capabilities. In short, stress dilutes our wonderful HSP qualities. (And why would we want to do that?!)  

We can quieten this stressor by giving our needs air time and recognizing them. In my experience, sometimes our needs are so buried that we have difficulty identifying them or verbalizing them to others. To get to the crux of our needs, we need to bypass the rational thinking mind to access the good stuff and set ourselves free. 

Being creative is one way to uncover our needs in a non-judgmental way. We don’t have to be an artist — all we need to get started is an open mind! Even doodling on a scrap piece of paper and letting your mind wander can help your wants and needs surface. Paper crafting and creative journaling works for me. Taking this quiet time for myself — and letting my instincts lead — often means this “blank space” gives my mind the calmness necessary to hear my needs and desires, which makes me feel lighter.

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3. You’ll be able to (finally) let go of any guilt you’ve been holding onto.

Guilt is a slippery, uncomfortable feeling. As empathetic beings, HSPs often get emotionally “flooded” due to all the intense feelings they experience. This can mean we feel guilt more often than not.

An example of this was when I confided in a friend that “I probably blew this out of proportion, but the way I was treated at home as a child made me feel unseen, as though my experiences didn’t matter.” My friend picked up on how I started the sentence with an attempt to invalidate myself. (In case you weren’t aware, many HSPs suffer from chronic invalidation.) 

Now I’m more aware of this and I can’t urge this enough: You have nothing to feel guilty about when asking for something or asserting your needs, my fellow HSP! Becoming aware of how much guilt we carry around when expressing our needs is the first step to loosening the slack. The fact that you feel guilt in these situations says far more about the effect other people, or society, has on you, than it does about you as a person. Remember that!

4. You’ll be able to live a more authentic life.

When we live in line with our values and purpose, and feel loved and supported by others, we can live our best life. We can only get to this point by living authentically, and that means listening to — and acting on — our needs, even if it feels exposing and unfamiliar to begin with.

As an HSP, authenticity is one of our true values and secret powers. When I compromise my authenticity for the sake of office politics, for example, I feel a semi-physical sensation, a withering inside that seems to gnaw at my gut. I’m a realist, too, so I get that that’s the way it has to be sometimes in an environment and culture I don’t have control over. 

In my personal life, however, I surround myself with authentic people and friends. For instance, when we go hiking, they stop every five minutes to marvel at the sunlight caught on a bird’s wing or at the sweet scent of a rose. These are things my HSP self would take note of, too. My friends who let me be who I am, completely, sensitivity and all. I urge you to find those who help you live a full HSP life — in full technicolor! 

At the End of the Day, Keep Honoring Your Sensitive Side

Every new year, I create a vision board and stick photographs, typography, and postcards on it, all of which signify ways I want to live in the year ahead. This year’s vision board is awash with the calming greens and blues of nature, but at the center is this quote: “Whatever satisfies the soul is truth.” (Yes, Walt Whitman said that.)

No one else will take it upon themselves to honor your every need — and how could they possibly know every nuance of your being anyway? So you must honor your needs and be your best advocate. By taking the courage to express your needs — and acknowledge them — you can do justice for yourself and let your highly sensitive side shine. 

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• Why HSPs Need More Alone Time Than Others
• 4 Key Boundaries to Set as an HSP — And How to Maintain Them
• This Is How It Feels to Be Emotionally ‘Flooded’

The post Why You Should Not Hide Your Needs as an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.