Sizziy Hamel, Author at Sensitive Refuge

Coping With Anxiety and Depression as an HSP

Sizziy Hamel — Wed, 10 Nov 2021 14:00:00 +0000

As an HSP, I knew my anxiety was an issue when constant fear and worry stopped me from doing things I enjoyed.

Living with a mental health condition is challenging for anyone, but being a highly sensitive person (HSP) poses unique challenges and considerations. Many HSPs become overwhelmed and anxious at times due to the overstimulation we experience on a daily basis. However, when it gets to a certain point, the anxiety crosses the line to a disorder.

For me, I knew my anxiety was the latter when constant fear and worry stopped me from doing things I enjoyed, like going to my weekly new mother’s group after my daughter was born. If I did push myself to go out, I couldn’t enjoy what I was doing because I was on the brink of panic about germs or car accidents or insert-calamity-here.

Seeking Out Help for Anxiety and Depression as an HSP

A friend recommended her therapist to me, and almost five years later, I continue to have regular sessions with her, as well as see a psychiatrist. In working with a good therapist, and by using various mental health tools, I figured out how to soothe my anxiety and depression when the going gets tough.

So if you find your anxiety and depression getting the best of you, consider these tips for living your best life, which are a combination of things I learned in therapy and also day-to-day practice.

6 Ways to Cope With Anxiety and Depression as an HSP

1. Watch or listen to something soothing, like your favorite TV show or podcast.

Watching TV is an enjoyable way to relax for many people, HSPs included. But HSPs need to make sure to balance the kind of media they consume. If, like me, you’re a sensitive person who also struggles with anxiety and depression, you may be even more greatly affected by what you see and hear.

When you watch a show or movie, you may be unexpectedly exposed to something triggering, and that can really throw off your mood. Many podcasts and television shows provide trigger warnings, and these are important to listen to so you can avoid topics that may be too much for your sensitive soul.

For me, watching the news poses a significant threat. My drive to understand the state of the world and my empathy for those affected by current events makes me want to consume the news, but my anxiety and depression can worsen if I only consume news that paints the world in a dark light. We may feel it is important for us to understand what is really happening, but there is a perspective that the news media takes — and a lot of it is not positive.

At my very first appointment after the COVID-19 pandemic started, my psychiatrist gave me some advice I continue to live by: “The only news you need right now is news that will change your current course of action.” Planning to travel? Absolutely do your research. You are trying to decide if it’s safe to send your kids to school? Yes, you will need to watch the local news. But if you’re on your journey and don’t need any other information, there’s no need to listen to four hours of MSNBC (or what have you) in your earbuds. Instead, focus on changing what you can — and accepting what you cannot.

2. Use social media… to connect to friends and family when you need extra support.

It may seem like social media would be invaluable in this time of distancing from friends and family. However, there are certainly benefits to reaching out to others in whatever form that takes — especially when you are not feeling your absolute best. If you tend to talk with your buds on messenger, though, that’s a different story! Reaching out to friends, however you do it, is essential for staying balanced.

This can be in little ways, such as sharing your new hairstyle with friends on Facebook or going ahead and looking up inspiration for your closet renovation on Pinterest. But make sure your social media network reflects actual friendships and don’t engage if you worry and get anxious about likes or comments, or if you find yourself scrolling past upsetting content.

When it comes to scrolling for hours on your favorite social media outlet, the positive just doesn’t outweigh the negative. According to a study published in Applied Psychological Health & Wellbeing, “As expected, results indicated that a higher level of social media use was associated with worse mental health.” It’s that simple, folks. And as HSPs, we’re more likely to be affected by disturbing images and stories. Think about it like this: If you ate bags and bags of junk food every day for weeks and months, likely you’d feel pretty darn bad and run down. Social media (and Cheetos) are fine in moderation, but take note of how they make you think, and act accordingly.

3. Maintain a strong support network — and be honest with them about how you’re feeling.

HSPs need their friends. “But you just told me to limit my social media consumption. So how am I supposed to keep my network going?”

I hear you! But liking your best friend’s post on “the Gram” is just not the same as a phone call or Zoom. After all, highly sensitive people really appreciate deep, meaningful conversations.

So if you’re feeling down or anxious (or both, or both plus more), don’t try to mask it. If you’re anything like me, you won’t be able to anyway! Many HSPs wear their hearts on their sleeves, which can be socially scary sometimes.

My advice? Assemble a team you trust — and tell them the truth, too, about how you’re doing. Talking to people outside of your current situation can offer a fresh perspective that can really help you reframe what’s going on in your life. When I first was diagnosed with anxiety, I tended to only confide in my husband or sister about problems I was having, even though a lot of the problems involved my interactions with them! But after a while, I started confiding in others, too, like my close friends and especially my therapist. If you don’t feel like you have a friend you’re comfortable going to, online communities offer an anonymous way to connect with others. If nothing else, you’ll walk away knowing you can be your honest-to-goodness emotional HSP self, and your friends and loved ones will still want to be in your life. They can take it, I promise.

As an HSP, I get “talking to people fatigue” pretty darn fast, even when the people in question are medical providers — and you might, too. In the past, I have also canceled appointments because I knew the meeting would bring up a difficult conversation I didn’t feel prepared to face. But don’t let your anxiety about talking about fear (or sadness about talking about depression) stop you. Without fail, I have felt better when I kept my appointments and check-ins with friends, even if the conversations were hard. To make sure we don’t let too long go without seeing each other, my closest friend and I set a policy: we always end our hang session by getting the next one on our calendars.

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4. Keep your “resiliency reserve” in mind.

HSPs have the ability to perceive and process information quite well, which a gift. Still, when high sensitivity to external stimuli impacts anxiety or depression, it is extremely important to monitor the input, and the toll it takes on your mental health.

I think of emotional energy like currency: you only have so much, and when you have spent it, it’s gone. If you know you will be facing something likely to send your emotions into overdrive — and let’s face it, for us HSPs that can be a whole lot of things — give yourself a little extra love. That could mean reducing your expectations that particular day (maybe the dishes can wait until tomorrow), taking a break for deep breathing or meditation, or even just having a cup of tea.

5. Practice self-care, self-care, and then more self-care.

Set yourself up for success by keeping up with the basics: bathing, eating, sleeping, and drinking water. It sounds simple, but as anyone who has tried to improve their self-care routine can tell you, it is anything but simple — especially when anxiety and/or depression get in the way.

Help you help yourself by “piggybacking” new habits onto ones you already have. For example, if you always forget to eat breakfast, try putting a protein bar next to the coffee pot in the morning. You already know you’ll remember to make coffee, so let that routine help support your new practice! The more you do little things like this, the more they will add up and help you restore balance in your day-to-day life.

6. Put joy on your calendar as you would any other appointment.

Even if it’s something as simple as visiting a shop you haven’t been to in a while, putting something purely for pleasure on your calendar sends a message to yourself: No matter what other work needs to get done, I will take this hour for myself a week from now to do this enjoyable thing.

I know I get a little boost of joy every time I see “Call with Grace” on my calendar because it’s a reminder that no matter what is going on today or tomorrow, I have something to look forward to that “fills my cup”! In other words, it’s something that will help me feel fulfilled, and then I can better help others who may need my support.

Mental health disorders are challenging for anyone, but as with anything that life throws your way, you can find peace and resilience. Knowing yourself, sensitivity and all, will allow you to learn how to care for yourself — which is most important of all.

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Dos and Don’ts for Social Events as a Highly Sensitive Person

Sizziy Hamel — Wed, 22 Sep 2021 13:00:00 +0000

When it comes to attending social events as an HSP, taking breaks — like going for a walk — is a little step that makes a big difference.

Social events, like weddings, can be a joyful — but emotionally taxing — time, and even more so these days: These events may be the first opportunity many of us have to see unmasked friends and family for over a year. Plus, we highly sensitive people (HSPs) will likely be even more emotional than others due to our empathic nature.

When the social invites began to arrive, I got a lump in my throat. If I’m being honest, I think I could stay in quasi-quarantine forever, but the world is opening back up and we should be in it. So how can you bring your best self back out there for your friends’ important social events? Here are some dos and don’ts based on my personal experience.

Dos for Attending a Social Event as an HSP

1. Do share any feelings of anxiety with your partner or friends before the day of the event.

Giving your plus one a heads up about what’s on your mind will make a more enjoyable experience for you both. After all, some HSPs have social anxiety on top of getting overwhelmed at events.

I try to make time before big events to make a game plan with my partner. It starts something like, “Given what I know about this event, I think I’ll need…” Let your partner know you’ll likely want to leave earlier than they will, and give them the opportunity to make a plan to stay later if they would like. That way, you won’t be forced to stay and they won’t be forced to leave. That’s what we’ve done, but just opening the door will make it enjoyable for both of you.

2. Do dress for success — in this case, “success” means a fun time in a potentially challenging environment.

Balance comfort with confidence to put your best foot forward, navigating the big feelings that come with the event you’re going to. Be mindful of the temperature, too — if the get-together is outdoors, consider throwing a pair of shades in your to-go bag.

It’s incredible how the body-mind connection can affect your feelings of comfort and well-being (I’m looking at you, HSPs), and no one’s feet like super uncomfortable shoes all night! For myself, worrying about a bra strap or blisters can be an evening killer. I have let it all go to embrace a style that feels not only me but all of me.

3. Do think back to previous social events and strategies that have worked for you.

Think about past social events you’ve attended — I know, I know, it’s going to be tough to go way back — and reflect on what strategies have worked for you. Taking breaks, going for a short walk, or meeting sensory needs, like getting water or a snack, can be little steps that make a big difference (especially since our sensitive selves get easily overstimulated!). I have even looked through my old journal entries to reflect on coping strategies I have used at difficult times in the past and found some gems (and horror stories).

4. Do jump ship on negative conversations.

If someone is asking questions or making comments that are making you feel bad, it’s okay to (at least semi-) politely, but firmly, excuse yourself. After all, HSPs don’t do well with negativity.

To get away, you don’t need more of an explanation than these two words: “Excuse me.” Maybe they’ll get the hint and get a little more self-reflective.

5. Do make sure you have access to your toolkit (both mental and physical).

I have a small leather backpack that holds my essentials and always make sure I have a small water bottle, mints, earbuds, and sunglasses. However you work it into your style, make sure you’re not left high and dry without the items and tech you require.

Mental-health-wise, too, I try to be as prepared as possible and have my “mental health toolbox” with me — I find my breath, repeat a powerful mantra (such as “I can find peace wherever I am”), and/or practice mindfulness.

Don’ts for Attending a Social Event as an HSP

1. Don’t let a significant emotional response ruin your whole night.

Take a moment, use your tools above, get back to the dance floor, or do whatever you like to do at social events — especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed. At a wedding I attended, for instance, I observed someone at the next table struggling to stay calm while having a panic attack. Their partner was pressing them to “just calm down” because “everyone is staring and it’s embarrassing.”

As an HSP, I became flooded with negative emotions and wanted to leave. I told my partner I needed to take a walk, excused myself to do so, looked at some flowers, and went back inside when a good song was playing. So make sure to take care of yourself in real ways.

2. Don’t overdo it with libations.

We’re all rusty in social situations, and while a few drinks can undoubtedly be a helpful social lubricant, a few too many can mean bigger-than-you-intended reactions and an uncomfortable Uber ride home. If you know how you’ll be affected by substances, go in with a plan. If you’re not so sure, start slow and check in with yourself throughout the evening.

Since we HSPs are already overly in tune with our environments, alcohol may only intensify it — which is not helpful for us sensitive types.

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3. Don’t let your desire to make people happy override your need to take care of yourself.

Like they say on airplanes, you need to secure your mask before you can assist others. We HSPs are great listeners and easily absorb others’ emotions — sometimes to a fault. If what they’re saying is really affecting you, it’s okay to remove yourself from the situation.

Saying, “Excuse me, I need to (insert a socially acceptable reason to leave the conversation here)” is not rude; it’s necessary self-care. Find your assertive voice. I sometimes pair that voice with putting up my hand in a “stop” motion. It’s a message to them and me both: I’m hitting pause. I know, I know — boundaries can be tough for highly sensitive people, but they’re necessary. (Again, it’s all about self-care!)

4. Don’t play mind reader — you really don’t know what someone is thinking unless you ask.

It’s easy to get in the habit of assuming (or trying to Sherlock together) how people feel about you or something you’ve done or said. Yes, HSPs are body language experts, but this doesn’t mean we read every situation correctly. If your partner makes a weird face mid-conversation, for instance, it may have nothing to do with you. It may be the shrimp cocktail or the band.

So bring your mind back to the moment. I do this by focusing on one thing I see, one thing I smell, and one thing I hear. If that feels hard, rely on your support system — like a close friend — to talk through it.

5. Don’t wait until you’re emotionally exhausted to say your goodbyes.

I always feel guilty for wanting to leave events much earlier than my partner, but I’ve since learned after many tearful cars ride home that HSPs don’t operate like that. When you know you’re close to “running out of juice,” as I say, give your partner the heads-up: goodbyes in five.

If this causes tension with your partner, consider separate transportation arrangements so they don’t have to cut their night short. That way, you don’t have to compromise your needs. Plus, by going home before you are emotionally depleted, you can avoid the dreaded “HSP hangover.”

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