Highly sensitive people (HSPs) have the ability to detect sensory details that most others cannot, which is an amazing trait and valuable strength. At the same time, it can also lead to another aspect of being an HSP, one that isn’t necessarily so desirable: overstimulation. When our senses are overloaded, the last thing we want is another sound, bright light, or anything, really, entering into our already overwhelmed nervous system. 

When a sensitive person is feeling overstimulated by their surroundings, they often seek a quiet place, usually a place of solitude, their very own HSP sanctuary. But a readily available nook to run to and hide in may be a very difficult thing to come by, especially given that many of us might be in the middle of a busy, hectic workday when our sensory overload occurs. 

So what can we do? How do we calm and soothe our nervous system when, all around us, it seems like there’s nothing but an enclosing wall of noise and visual stimuli?

One idea is to create a “mind refuge.” Psychologically speaking, there are some practical ways that a highly sensitive person can help themselves even when they’re feeling overwhelmed by the world around them. Some of these involve techniques like mindfulness. Others can be incorporated into your usual everyday routine. The best thing is that they’re relatively easy things to do and don’t require much; most of these can be done anywhere, anytime! Here are five things to do when building a mental HSP sanctuary. Because the more your mind feels at peace, the more you will, too.

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5 Ways to Create a Mental HSP Sanctuary

1. Focus on the five senses and choose calming routines for self-care.

Since it’s our senses that are feeling attacked whenever we’re feeling overstimulated, one way to find relief is by catering to our five senses in a way that can get us away from the stimulation.

For example, you might focus your sight on beautiful scenery or a beautiful picture. For the hearing sense, you might have soothing music playing (or maybe your favorite playlist). If you’re able to find one and your circumstances permit, attending to your sense of touch by wrapping yourself in a cozy, warm blanket might be helpful. (You may also want to explore weighted blankets, which might help quell anxiety.) You might light a candle of your favorite scent to help relax you. Or you pop a piece of chocolate into your mouth to savor as you treat your taste buds to a sensory pampering. 

These little things, either individually or combined, will help give you pleasurable things for your senses to focus on and hopefully draw you away from whatever stimuli are overloading you. Of course, what you do to cater to your senses depends highly on the context of your situation and what you have available, so it may take a little pre-planning and preparation. 

At work, you might keep that chocolate stash readily available in your desk. Or, if you’re unable to attend to your senses during the day, you might consider doing something like this as part of a soothing nighttime routine to help you come back down from the day.

2. Practice breathing and visualization exercises.

Breathing is one way to ground yourself in the present moment. All you have to do is take a few deep breaths. Once you’re feeling more centered, you can combine your breathing mindfully with visualization. With each exhalation, imagine pink air flowing out and surrounding you, creating a sense of spaciousness. (It can be any color you want — mine’s pink.) With each breath, you’re building a mental buffer between you and the stimuli by visualizing spaciousness. 

This is especially nice for those of us who aren’t able to reach for earbuds or don’t have that soft blanket at hand. You can do this simply by focusing on your thoughts and breath. And it doesn’t have to necessarily be a cone of air either. Another similar image to picture is to imagine your breathing blowing up a bubble, one that envelopes and protects you from overstimulation. Or perhaps you prefer an ocean. Or clouds. Choose whatever image you need to create that barrier between you and the stimuli.

3. Pay attention to your transitions.

Transitions can be especially difficult for an HSP. Paying attention to transitions during your day can be helpful in keeping things regulated. Before starting your workday, spend a few minutes setting your intentions for the day. How would you like to live out your values today? For example, your intention can be something like, “Today, I will show up for myself” or “Today, I will lead with empathy and kindness.” 

Another strategy is to create a ritual or mental habit of “signing on” when starting your day. Being intentional about putting yourself in a place (mentally speaking) of drawing a starting line can help you — emotionally — with getting yourself on task or getting yourself to work. 

On the other side of this is that you can also create a mental ritual of “signing off,” so that when you come home, you can really be home and present in all the comforts that home should bring. You allow for yourself to be done so that your mind will hopefully not be racing with a million thoughts and responsibilities. This will allow for you to truly enjoy your personal time and escape into your mental HSP bubble.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

4. Check in with yourself and attend to your needs.

Regularly checking in with yourself comes down to practicing mindfulness and intention-setting throughout your day by taking micro-breaks between meetings or tasks. For example, check in with yourself on how your body feels. You can do a quick body scan exercise to note how your body is feeling. This is the practice of checking in with your body from head to toe and relaxing any tension you feel in your body. If you’ve been sitting at your desk a lot, you might get up and do some light stretching or walk around. 

You can also check in with yourself emotionally and do some quick journaling. Or perhaps a quick, friendly chat with a friend or coworker will rejuvenate you. And using your breath to center yourself can also be rejuvenating. You can do a square breathing exercise (breathing in to the count of four, holding your breath to the count of four, exhaling to the count of four, then holding to the count of four, and so on) or a 4-7-8 breathing exercise (breathing in to the count of four, holding your breath to the count of seven, and exhaling to the count of eight). 

Being intentional about asking yourself how you’re doing throughout your day — and then taking a quick break (by engaging in something that will help you recharge) — will go a long way in helping you avoid being overwhelmed.

5. Engage in things that inspire awe.

Research has found that feeling awe is good for us. Feeling awe helps us become happier and healthier; it can bring about peace of mind. Researcher and Writing Fellow Summer Allen with the Greater Good Science Center lists eight ways that feeling awe is beneficial for us, including improving our mood, increased satisfaction with life, and more connectedness with others. With this in mind, perhaps another strategy is to look for ways to feel awe. 

And while you certainly may venture out to a museum to find that masterpiece, seeking out awe doesn’t necessarily have to be a difficult or complicated thing to do. Go out and marvel at the majesty of a nearby tree (HSPs love nature, after all). Look up and watch the clouds float by. Watch the manifestations of creativity come to life as a child plays/creates. It all boils down to allowing yourself to be moved by something — which, let’s face it, comes easily to HSPs. Whatever moments you can grab alone to find and feel awe, take them! They’ll be a perfect part of your mental HSP sanctuary.

You might like:

• How to Create Your Own HSP Sanctuary
• 3 Things I Keep in My ‘HSP Mental Health Toolbox’
• The Science Behind Why Highly Sensitive People Need Alone Time

The post Can You Create an “Inner” HSP Sanctuary? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Those of us who identify as highly sensitive people (HSPs) probably hear them all the time — the criticisms, the judgments:

You’re too much! 

You’re being too sensitive. 

Stop overreacting! 

Why are you so fussy? 

What’s wrong with you?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with us. But the voices can creep in. And when others can’t understand us — how we’re just wired differently due to having a sensitivity trait — it can feel very much like something is not right, and this can be very hurtful. On top of feeling criticized, we can often feel disregarded or unsupported in our experiences. 

Being Highly Sensitive Is Not a Disorder, but a Gift

Because high sensitivity isn’t often discussed or seen as being a personality trait like extroversion or introversion are, it is often incorrectly thought of as something about us that needs to be “fixed,” some type of disorder, when the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. This can leave many HSPs feeling like something is wrong with them. It can be very invalidating and hurtful.

But the truth of the matter is, HSPs make up nearly 30 percent of the population. While this certainly makes it so that we’re not alone, it is not high enough a part of the general population to be well-understood by society.

This misunderstanding can lead to many misconceptions and incorrect labels placed on us. It can also lead to the hurtful things we sometimes hear from others. The following are some of the most common things HSPs hear and experience from others, as well as some helpful ways to perhaps rethink these misconceptions.

4 Common Ways Highly Sensitive People Are Misunderstood

1. “You’re introverted.”

This is perhaps one of the most common misconceptions, as many confuse introversion with high sensitivity. And while this certainly makes sense (about 70 percent of HSPs identify with introversion) there are distinct differences between the two personality traits that make them unique from one another. 

Introverts seek to avoid stimuli associated specifically with people while the HSP seeks to avoid being overwhelmed by stimuli (loud noises, bright lights, etc.) Both escape to be alone and recharge, which is why many confuse the two. But when the introvert is alone, they often take that time to recover by not being around other humans. When the HSP is alone, they’re often recharging just by virtue of being away from overstimulation. And while they are in the minority, there are highly sensitive extroverts, too. 

2. “You’re overthinking things!”

Because sensitive people see the details and subtleties better than the rest of the general population, we also process things on a deeper level. We are able to make connections that others cannot. Highly sensitive people also tend to pause a lot before acting on something. They think things over more because there’s more to think on. 

This can lead to others losing patience with the HSP, or even telling them that they’re “overthinking things,” which carries some negative connotation (i.e.. you’re overcomplicating things). 

Instead of telling the HSP that we’re thinking too much about something, a more positive way to look at it would be to embrace this heightened cognitive processing. We’re very deep thinkers and can see things others can’t! Sounds like a superpower to me!

3. “You’re overreacting. Just relax!”  

Because we are capable of noticing so many things, things that most people take for granted, it’s very easy for us to become overwhelmed. Add that to our keen perception and the ability to feel things more deeply, and you can imagine the many things an HSP must navigate through that the non-HSP doesn’t. 

Take for example, a trip to the farmers’ market or going to a concert. The HSP hears and experiences all the noise, the shouting, the crying babies, the millions of conversations going on all around us! Our nervous system is working hard, really hard, to receive all of that sensory detail. 

On the outside, others might only see the outward manifestations of the heightened awareness our minds and bodies are going through. A highly sensitive person’s fight-or-flight response could also be triggering during these moments when they are hit with a ton of stimuli. And being told to “calm down” or to “just relax” can feel very invalidating during these moments. 

Rather than making the implication that what we’re feeling isn’t normal or not okay, non-HSPs can help by acknowledging what we’re feeling and even perhaps just being there and sitting with us as we navigate things. On our end, the HSP can steer themselves out of these overwhelming situations with self-regulation — things like breathing exercises and mindfulness can help. 

If you can name what you’re going through, what your senses are detecting, it goes a long way psychologically in helping you deal with the overstimulation you’re experiencing. For example, perhaps you notice that you’re irritated or feeling “off.” So you might take a pause and get curious about what could be triggering you in the moment. As you slow down and check in internally, you may realize you’re feeling overwhelmed by the bright lights and noises in the room. 

Going through this process can make it easier to cope. Perhaps you can find a more calming space to be in or create a mental refuge for yourself. You can validate your experiences as you become more aware of what you are going through and put language to it. Finally, just allowing yourself some grace can help in these very intense moments.

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4. “You’re so shy!”

Similar to introverts — who also tend to get the shy label — HSPs are often told that they’re being “so shy.” According to Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, shyness isn’t something we’re born with, but a learned behavior. In contrast, the highly sensitive person’s high sensitivity is innate, not learned. It’s part of our chemical and biological makeup whereas shyness stems from fear of judgment from others. While someone can be both an HSP and shy, being one doesn’t automatically mean you are the other.

Other hurtful or incorrect labels falling under the “shy” label could also be “timid,” “meek,” or even “fussy.” Sure, it’s easy to write off HSPs as “just shy” and label them as adverse to people or social groups — yet, in fact, HSPs do desire to have strong bonds with others. The more appropriate way to see things is that the highly sensitive person is really just taking their time before they enter into any situation, and this includes social gatherings, meeting new people, and the like. 

An HSP will usually go to a party, take stock of their environment and perhaps need a few moments to just “take it all in.” They’re noticing things many others around them aren’t, they’re hearing every little thing, and they need time to adjust to their surroundings. The HSP is not avoiding people. It’s not that they’re not wanting to make meaningful connections.

Society Often Misunderstands ‘Sensitivity,’ Too

Much of the misunderstanding about HSPs stems from societal and cultural values. Many societies, for example, value the outgoing, the very vocal, and the easygoing. When someone doesn’t behave in a way that is expected of them by the rest of society, that’s when the eyebrows rise. So when society tells you, “Don’t be so sensitive!” it’s very easy to feel like something is wrong with you. 

Yes, HSPs might seem “shy” or ‘introverted” and they may seem like they’re “quiet” or “timid.” They might be told they’re overreacting to things or that they’re “just being fussy.” These very hurtful things can begin as early as childhood (from unknowing parents and teachers) and stay with the HSP throughout their entire lives. It’s no wonder that many HSPs feel like they’re doing something wrong, when in fact, they’re just being themselves. 

The fact is that many people don’t know that high sensitivity is very much a real temperament and that it is very much “normal.” Many HSPs grow up not knowing about their sensitivity trait, and so when society tells them that they’re not valued or seen, it can be very difficult not to ask, “What’s wrong with me?”

Embracing Our Sensitivity Is One Way for Society to Better Understand It 

Instead of harmful labels or incorrect ways to think about the highly sensitive person, society — and this counts for us HSPs, too — needs to embrace our trait. Rather than trying to change us or fix us, let’s see the wonderful value that an HSP can bring to the table in all areas of life! The HSP will be able to see things that others won’t and so can bring to attention things at work, school, or just everyday life that people would otherwise miss out on. The HSP can also prevent people from stepping into a situation that they might regret as they’ll have considered and thought deeply about all the little things before committing to any situation. As a matter of fact, Forbes published an article last year titled, “Why Highly Sensitive People Make The Best Leaders, According To A Psychologist” where high sensitivity is seen for what it should be: a strength.

The cultural and social narrative on high sensitivity has been primarily negative, but with the right frame of mind, it can change. With a more positive look at sensitivity, our temperament is very much like a superpower — don’t forget it! And who wouldn’t want to be thought of as a deep thinker who can cognitively dive deeper than most people, offer insightful observations that enrich conversations, make well-informed choices, and see and experience the world on a higher level altogether? Count me in!

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• 5 Misconceptions Every Highly Sensitive Person Has to Deal With
• Is Being an HSP a Disorder?
• 5 Ways to Access Your Strengths as a Highly Sensitive Person

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 4 Common Ways Highly Sensitive People Are Misunderstood appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

If you’re like me, then nothing beats cozying up at the end of a long, hard day and rejuvenating by getting lost in your favorite show or movie. With streaming services sometimes releasing an entire season of a particular show all at once, this is now easier to do than ever. Before you know it, it’s 1 a.m. and way past your bedtime, but all you want to do is get one more episode in… then another… and then another…

And, as an added bonus for those of us highly sensitive people (HSPs) with the ability to feel deeply, we also tend to feel the gravity of favorite characters’ stories on a deeper level, too. I don’t know about you, but personally I believe that only enhances our TV- and movie-watching and makes for a much more pleasurable viewing experience. We have the emotional equivalent of 3D glasses or Smell-O-Vision! 

Relating to characters is one of the reasons we watch, and as an HSP, I sometimes can’t help but notice all the different characters that just might be a fellow highly sensitive person. That, or I’ll notice when characters exhibit traits that we can relate to. It got me thinking: Who are all the HSPs out there on the big and small screen? 

It can be a daunting task to scour all of television and movie-dom to create a list of characters that could be HSPs, so I thought it might be easier to use highly sensitive pioneer Dr. Elaine Aron’s acronym to help with this little game. We’ll be using DOES and putting a character or two in each of the categories:

• D: Depth of Processing
• O: Overstimulation
• E: Emotional Reactivity and Empathy
• S: Sensing the Subtle

‘D’ for ‘Depth of Processing’

It would be impossible to not put Sherlock Holmes into this category, as his depth of processing is so famous that there have been both movie and television scenes that try to capture how the detective’s mind works. In the Robert Downey, Jr. version of Sherlock Holmes — where he can be heard uttering a line we HSPs can all relate to when he’s asked what he sees: “Everything. That is my curse.” — he offends Watson’s fiancée by reading all of the physical clues about her and exposing the fact that she was once engaged and broke it off. 

In Benedict Cumberbatch’s BBC iteration, Unlocking Sherlock, we are allowed into Holme’s “mind palace,” where he gathers every little detail and processes them all in order to solve the case. But who else has this ability? Who else can take information in, read it, and think deeply about the tiniest details? Highly sensitive people, of course!

Similarly, Matt Damon’s portrayal of card shark Mike McDermott in Rounders demonstrates this ability, too, when he visits his professor’s poker game. Just by reading the room for a few minutes, Mike is able to figure out the exact hand that each of the card players has and helps his professor win the game, impressing all of the bigwigs in the room. 

Another depth of processing character and scene involves Jake from Brooklyn Nine-Nine when he successfully guesses everyone’s Secret Santa assignment mere seconds after all the names have been pulled from a hat. When doubted, Jake explains to his fellow officers how he’s able to read people’s facial expressions, from lip movement to eye-rolling, among other things he notices. And, thus, he’s able to figure out everyone’s Secret Santas. 

‘O’ for ‘Overstimulation’

Superhero origin shows have been very popular lately, and there is no superhero more widely known than Superman himself. And while he eventually learns to harness his powers and use them to save the world over and over again, shows like Smallville have shown his struggles with learning to control his powers as a youth. 

In a scene in which many of us HSPs can relate to, the newest entry in the Superman universe, Superman and Lois, depicts Jordan Kent, Superman’s son, getting coached by his famous father in learning how to “focus on one sound at a time,” and control his hearing powers. Jordan can hear every little thing, even the sound of water dripping into a metallic sink. He soon gets overwhelmed by all of the auditory stimulation and retreats into his sound-blocking earphones. HSPs, too, may be sensitive to sounds and may even experience phonophobia, the intense fear of loud sounds.

In the 2003 Daredevil movie, a young Matthew Murdock wakes up in a hospital — only to discover his heightened senses. He becomes so overwhelmed by them (he can even hear the drip-drip of his IV) that he falls out of his hospital bed and crawls into a corner to hide. 

Another movie scene featuring HSP-like overstimulation includes when Queenie, from Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, breaks down crying on the streets of Paris when she’s overwhelmed by hearing everyone’s thoughts on the streets. We HSPs can certainly relate to the barrage of voices assailing poor Queenie as she sticks her fingers into her ears in a futile attempt to shield herself from all the noise. Sometimes, it can feel like a helplessly hopeless endeavor to try and escape, can’t it? 

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‘E’ for ‘Emotional Reactivity’ and ‘Empathy’

Sticking with the superhero characters, there are a few that come immediately to my mind whenever I think of empathy. For the Trekkies out there, there is none other than Deanna Troi of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Troi is an invaluable part of the Enterprise — not just because she has psionic abilities, but because she is an empath. She has, on more than one occasion, been called upon for her empathy to help guide the decisions of Captain Picard. She has even helped the hotheaded Worf and counseled him! 

From the movies, we have Mantis of Guardians of the Galaxy. There’s that humorous scene where the crew members are asking Mantis about her antennae. She tells them that they “have something to do with [her] empathic abilities.” She then proceeds to tell everyone that if she touches them, she can “feel their feelings.” She even distinguishes empathic abilities from mind reading before letting the cat out of the bag about Star-Lord’s love for Gamorrah! 

Another possible HSP empath includes Jean Grey from X-Men. There is not a single iteration of X-Men, whether movie, cartoon, or movie remake, that does not feature Jean without showcasing her ability to emotionally empathize with her fellow X-Men. Perhaps, most importantly, her ability allows for her to draw closer to the one mutant no one else can seem to get close to: Wolverine.

And I believe that the entirety of the characters from the show Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist

may be highly sensitive people. Austin Winsberg, creator of the show, was quoted in an interview in which he describes his main character’s ability to hear people’s thoughts through song. In doing so, she can “understand them better” and “gain compassion.” It’s a very unique and creative way in presenting someone who is highly sensitive — and empathic — to other people. 

‘S’ for ‘Sensing the Subtle’

Related to the depth of processing is an HSP’s ability to sense very subtle things. While we are able to analyze and process tiny details, we first must take in all the little things. 

We see this in Jason Bourne in the Bourne series. In the first movie, The Bourne Identity, for example, we see Jason in a diner listing all of the very specific details he’s just noticed, including license plate numbers and even someone’s weight! And although it’s technically a fairy tale, The Princess and the Pea has been adapted into animated films that showcase the famous sensitivity to the very subtle when the princess is able to sense a tiny little pea in her bed. She’s so sensitive that she’s unable to get a peaceful night’s rest all because she’s able to feel that tiny little annoyance! 

Other sensing characters include both Spider-Man (for his all-around Spidey senses) and Wolverine (for his super smelling powers). While most people would point to Spider-Man’s high-flying acrobatics or his superhuman strength as being his biggest assets, I would argue that it is actually his Spidey senses. Peter Parker’s ability to sense oncoming danger has saved his, and other’s, lives on countless occasions. And like many HSPs, Wolverine has a sense of smell that would rival that of a bloodhound. He’s often depicted in comics and movies as using his sense of smell to track the bad guys down. 

I’m sure there are many other possible entries under each HSP trait, but my goal was to at least come up with one from the silver screen and one from television. And I’ll admit, it’s not the easiest task to come up with who is definitively an HSP. Some of these characters just exhibit one HSP trait, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have others. 

Since an HSP has more than just a single trait than the DOES acronym, and since our traits are mostly internal, it’s difficult to pinpoint which characters have all four traits just by watching the external. I don’t know how many screenwriters sit down, when developing their characters, and go, “Hmm… part of their backstory is that they’re highly sensitive!” But wouldn’t that be so very cool? 

What’s neat — and perhaps even validating though — is that looking over the list, we can see how Hollywood paints many of these traits as positive things (look at all those superheroes!). And why not? It does make perfect sense that things like crime-solving, galaxy-saving, and ruling as a royal would all benefit from some of our highly sensitive traits and superpowers!

Now turning it to you fellow HSP. What TV or film characters do you think may be highly sensitive? Feel free to share in the comments below!

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• 5 Literary Characters You’ll Relate to as a Highly Sensitive Person
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• 6 Thought-Provoking Books That Will Resonate With HSPs

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

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Hope and optimism seem to finally be on the horizon for many people. The COVID-19 vaccines are continually to be widely distributed, things are slowly opening up again, and life is creeping back to some semblance of normalcy. 

But for a highly sensitive person (HSP), things might not actually feel better. Many of us might actually find ourselves feeling extra exhausted, or like we’ve been stuck in a rut, or maybe, for lack of a better term, you’re just feeling kind of “meh.” 

But why? 

Because sensitive people are generally more emotionally attuned and empathic to the world around them, it’s very likely that many HSPs have been hit harder by the collective trauma of the past year. And because of this ability to feel the things of this past year more deeply, many of us find ourselves still reeling from things like grief (whether personal or collective), stress, and anxiety. 

So if you’re concerned that you’re not of those running out to celebrate and revel in the returning normalcy, and you find yourself wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” just know that many may still be feeling the same way as you. As a therapist, I have seen a wide range of coping, and some people are not yet completely healed from the tragedies of last year. It is completely understandable that some of us would still be feeling loss, especially since the HSP feels deeper.

When we are stressed, our nervous system goes into a heightened sense of vigilance (aka the fight-or-flight response), and for someone whose nervous system responds to things more deeply, this can be extremely taxing on one’s mental and physical health. 

I picture a soldier standing guard all night, keeping an eye out for possible danger. It’s tiring. But at least the soldier gets relieved when it’s time for a changing of the post. There’s an end in sight and they get to go recoup and recover. 

But imagine an HSP’s nervous system doing that for over a year — nonstop. And though things seem to be getting better, the pandemic isn’t really over yet, which can mean that our heightened guard will be kept up for even longer. It can be downright debilitating.  

Highly Sensitive People May Be ‘Languishing’ More Than Others

Psychologist Adam Grant from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania recently published an article in The New York Times where he cited research by sociologist Corey Keyes and defined this feeling as a feeling of “languishing.” Grant describes the effects of languishing as losing focus and motivation, and has even labeled it as the “dominant emotion of 2021.” If languishing is the dominant emotion for the general masses, just imagine how domin-ating and crushing an emotion it can be for us highly sensitive types. 

Perhaps we can find comfort in knowing that we’re not alone; that many people, and not just HSPs, are feeling these things. But that doesn’t mean we just accept it, roll over, and give in to the emptiness and stagnation. If anything, the fact that it is the “dominant emotion” of this past year just underscores how important it is for everyone to seek help; and especially so for the highly sensitive to consider seeking a therapist to talk to.

Therapists Can Help Sensitive People Validate Their Experience

Sensitive people can greatly benefit from finding someone who will validate their experience. When we can easily get overwhelmed, especially given how we may have experienced this past year, we need to talk to someone that can help us navigate that experience and to not pathologize our temperament. 

One of the go-to strategies psychologists have for helping people manage their emotions is to give them a way of naming them. Just as Grant has given us a name for the overall emotion we’re feeling, talking to someone can help us acknowledge the especially difficult things we’ve been feeling. When you name the thing you’re feeling, it’s a step in the right direction to helping you figure out how to manage. Is it grief? Sadness? Anger? Maybe a spectrum of things? Untangling the wiry, complicated feelings of our year in quarantine is an important thing to do. 

A Therapist Can Help an HSP Foster and Nurture Their Sensitivity

But it’s not just with the difficult emotions that therapy can really help an HSP with. Since we tend to feel every emotion on a deeper level, we can also feel the happier feelings more, too. A therapist can help a sensitive person foster and nurture their sensitivity in such a way that they harness the experiences of this past year so that it can be a source of healing and well-being rather than one that leads to hopelessness. 

Despite the fact that we might have seen more sad things than happy things this past year, finding someone to help you find positives can help you take back much of what the pandemic has stolen from you in terms of your mental health. A therapist can help guide you in finding gratefulness in the midst of grief, or self-compassion in the midst of despondency or helplessness. 

The important thing to keep under consideration is that when looking for a therapist, find one who is familiar with the trait of high sensitivity. You might ask potential providers questions regarding their knowledge and experience with working with people who share our temperament. 

The other thing to consider is that this “bleh” feeling might be causing a blindspot. Whereas some of us are feeling the weight of the world and taking that as a sign that we ought to ask for help, the opposite could happen, too. You may be hesitant or reluctant to seek therapy because you’re not clinically depressed. You may not exhibit tangible symptoms of mental illness, but that doesn’t mean you’re well either. You may not actually feel like you need to seek help, but that’s the dangerous irony: for someone who feels things deeply to actually not feel much is potentially a cause for concern. But that’s the dilemma, isn’t it? How are we supposed to spot something we can’t see? 

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Benefits of Seeking Help and Seeing a Therapist

While certainly not an end-all list, the following things can be indicators that you may benefit from seeing a therapist:

• You find yourself forgetting things often, feeling “foggy headed,” or having more brain slips. Maybe you find yourself making more mistakes at work, or you’re mixing up important dates. Perhaps you’re catching typos or other little blips. In any case, you’re just not yourself.
• Your sleep is disrupted. You’re lying awake at night, ruminating over things or worrying. And it’s known that we sensitive types need more sleep than others due to the overstimulation we experience all day, so a lack of sleep is something to be concerned about. Or it could be the reverse; instead of being kept up all hours of the night, you find yourself sleeping a lot more than you’re used to and spending too much time in bed. 
• Regardless of how much you sleep, you feel tired all the time. You might be getting enough sleep, but you don’t feel refreshed in the morning. During the day, you’re sluggish and zombie-walking through what feels like a constant malaise. 
• Your eating habits are off. You may be stress eating. Or, it could be the opposite. You’ve lost your appetite and are not adequately nourishing your body. You’re skipping meals that you used to have consistently. You may also be getting hangry (hungry + angry) more often, which is common among HSPs. 
• You are isolating yourself or retreating from social connections. One of the healthiest things to do that keeps us mentally and emotionally healthy is to keep our relationships and connections intact. But perhaps you find yourself not really wanting to engage with others. While sensitive people do sometimes need time alone and a quiet space away from people to not get overstimulated, there’s a balance to be struck. Maybe you’re feeling no desire, or a lack of capacity even for those who are closest to you.
• You lack motivation. You just don’t feel like it — like anything. Whereas you used to get outside for that 20-minute jog or walk, you now sometimes find it difficult to even get up and walk over to your fridge. 
• You are unable to keep up with your regular tasks at work. While it is normal for our level of productivity to shift from time to time, you’re finding yourself uncharacteristically missing multiple deadlines at work.
• You feel “meh” more often than not. Instead of thriving, you’re empty and void of things: vitality, joy, gratitude, all things you might normally feel a lot more of. It’s not that you have to be the life of the party, but if you’re not as “alive” as you used to be. Thus, you might be slinking downward into languishment. 

While a lot of these warning signs can easily be explained away as just being in a “funk,” they might also be indications that you’d greatly benefit from seeking help and talking to a licensed therapist. Finding a safe space to delve into things with someone who can acknowledge what you’re going through — and guide you through the process — is a great way to climb out of the pit of listlessness and back into a healthy, thriving life. 

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• 9 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Going to Therapy as an HSP
• My HSP Struggle With Depression — and the Road to Healing
• 5 Essential Things to Tell Your Therapist If You’re Highly Sensitive

The post The Importance of Going to Therapy as a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

One of the main reasons storytelling is universally enjoyed is that it gives us people to relate to and makes us feel as though we belong, even if these characters don’t really “exist.” How many of us have related to the “outcast” character, found solace in their being shunned, and even felt a sense of vindication when that character finds acceptance and understanding in the end? Or maybe you’ve pined away with the jilted lover and cheered them on in their quest for love. 

And what about the HSP character? I thought it might be interesting to establish some parameters for this exercise. I wanted to base it on something that many HSPs might find themselves doing a lot of: Reading. Given that reading is universal, I thought about some of the most well-known books in literature — stories we may have read in school, or growing up, or even just because they were considered part of the “literary canon.” And, with that, here’s my list of some of the most famous literary characters who I believe are also highly sensitive people.

5 Literary Characters You’ll Relate to as an HSP

1. Sherlock Holmes: His attention to detail makes him a great sleuth.

There’s some controversy when it comes to the world’s arguably most famous sleuth: In the world of all things Holmes, there is a debate as to which version is the actual Sherlock Holmes. He’s gone through many different iterations, and while you could make a case for Conan Doyle’s being the Sherlock Holmes (that is the original version, after all), I’d actually like to use a composite Holmes and take pieces that all of them have in common. (So that means sorry, Robert Downey Jr. fans — no superhero-fighting abilities for our HSP Holmes.) 

When it comes to Holmes’ number-one HSP trait, the most immediate thing that comes to mind is his ability to notice everything. His keen and astute observations of all things, like body language, is something that we HSPs can relate to. This, of course, spills into his ability to read people; like HSPs, he’s a great judge of character. Depending on which version you’ve read/watched, Holmes will also retreat into his mind to figure out a particularly difficult puzzle. He literally just tunes out the world around him. All noise, all stimulation is shut out, and he enters the safety and confines of his mind-world. (I sometimes wish I had a place like that to go to, like a mental HSP sanctuary.)

2. Holden Caulfield: Crowds — and the world — overwhelm him.

Okay, hear me out. While some might find it offensive to be associated with J.D. Salinger’s most famous character, from The Catcher in the Rye, I believe that all the negative things that people say about Holden Caulfield are ultimately redeemed at the end of the novel (or the very beginning, if you’re looking at the story from a chronological perspective) and that he becomes an admirable person. “Admirable” may be giving him too much credit. Let’s say likeable. 

Now, having established Holden as one of the “good guys” of fiction, we can certainly see aspects of him that many HSPs can relate to. Holden hates crowds of people. Sure, he got kicked out of school and so, technically, wasn’t allowed at the football game at the beginning of the book, but I’m sure he wouldn’t be caught dead there with all of those “phonies.” And it’s not just Pencey Prep either. Holden finds the world too overwhelming and seeks to run away from it all (he even asks Sally Hayes to run away to a cabin in the woods with him!). 

Holden’s ability to see the harsh, cruel realities of the world — and in people — is something that you could argue an HSP can do. (He also has a strong sense of his own shortcomings, too. He’s always bragging about them to the reader.) Finally, Holden feels things so very deeply that it nearly crushes him. 

3. Huck Finn: He finds solace in nature, away from the bustling towns he visits.

Huck is similar to Holden Caulfield in that he is able to see a lot of the immoral and unjust in society; like Holden, he seeks to escape it. Huck finds solace in nature, in the peace and tranquility of the river. Like any HSP, he is able to rejuvenate and re-energize by being away from the noise and bustle of the towns he visits. As Huck evolves in the book, he becomes more empathic and is able to feel for Jim. As a matter of fact, it is this empathy that Huck has that leads to the ultimate heroic decision at the end of the novel to turn against society, give up his chance of going to Heaven, and to steal Jim out of slavery. But the decision isn’t an easy one. 

Huck is constantly weighing, agonizing, and thinking about his choices. Like an HSP does, Huck processes things deeply and feels the gravity of his decision so much that he’s described as “trembling” in that crucial moment. Huck also tells us that he “studied a minute,” making sure that whatever he decided would be a conscious and deliberate conclusion. He reflects on the past, on the friendship that he and Jim shared, and he thinks over the great times they had on the river together, bonding and connecting. Through that, he finds himself at the resolution that Jim isn’t a bad person; rather, he’s a great friend, and one that he’d be willing to risk going to Hell for.  

4. Emily Dickinson: She can feel every little thing.

I’m cheating a little bit here. Okay, a lot-a-bit. Dickinson isn’t a fictitious person, but I think that her being a real person actually scores her even more cool points as far as having an HSP literary hero to relate to. Her poetry is considered to be among the most beautiful and insightful in all of literature. And much of that insight, I’d argue, can be attributed to her sensitivity. 

It is said that she once described her ability to feel things as though she were missing a layer of skin. (Sound familiar, HSPs?) It’s no surprise, then, that she could feel every little thing in life. How else does one write lines such as this? “Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough.” Like many HSPs, Dickinson was misunderstood. Part of that, though, was due to her eschewing the public and being very reclusive. And while it was not due to high sensitivity per se, I think we can all relate to Dickinson’s sensitivity to light (she suffered an eye condition that required her confinement in dim light). 

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5. Belle: She’s able to see Beast for who he truly is.

I’m going to cheat a little bit again. The original Belle from the original Beauty and the Beast, written by French writer Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve, is perhaps not the best example to use here, so we’ll use the more Disney-fied version (she’s the more famous version anyway). Belle of the Disney variety is a great example of an HSP. She’s able to read people very well. Unlike the entirety of her town, Belle can see Gaston for the jerk he really is. This allows her to turn Gaston away and, more importantly, it allows her to see Beast for who he truly is. And she’s the only one who can do it. 

Like many of us highly sensitive types who people don’t “get,” Belle is seen as “strange” and “funny” — “head’s up on some cloud.” It is perhaps fitting we end our list with a reader here, as Belle’s voracious reading helps feed her lively inner world. 

Hopefully, We’ll Continue to See More HSP Characters in Literature (and Beyond)

And there you have it: a short (and certainly incomplete) list of famous literary HSPs. I must admit, it was tough to come up with even just these five (especially the female figures!) when I limited myself to only the most famous in literature. I kept wanting to go straight back to movies and television (Deanna Troi from Star Trek, anyone?), but perhaps that can be another list for another day. 

Since HSPs make the greatest writers, hopefully they’ll continue to create characters with HSP characteristics, too. This way, not only will we be able to continue seeing ourselves in them, but perhaps society will finally begin to see sensitivity as a strength, not a weakness. One can only hope… 

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• 6 Thought-Provoking Books That Will Resonate With HSPs
• Are Highly Sensitive People Natural Born Creatives?
• 5 Reasons HSPs Make the Greatest Writers

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 5 Literary Characters You’ll Relate to as a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.