We’re all familiar with the feeling of anxiety. You have to give a presentation at work or school. Or you’re planning on finally telling that person who makes your heart flutter how you feel. Or you wake up from a dream that you were being chased by a clown waving an axe. 

In the moment, you notice your heart racing, your palms sweating, your mouth going dry, and your mind running a mile a minute. You might feel slightly sick to your stomach, as you think, What happens if my presentation goes badly, or that person rejects me? What a scary dream, but why am I dreaming about axe-wielding clowns chasing me?

How Anxiety Tries to Help Us (Even If It Fails)

The anxiety-induced reactions above are actually our body’s way of preparing us for danger. Humans, along with many other species, are primed to be prepared for, and remember, situations that we perceive as dangerous. It’s what kept our ancestors safe in a time and place where getting eaten by a predator was a real threat. It’s a survival mechanism known as “fight-or-flight.” The “freeze” response is another facet of this that occurs when someone is feeling anxious — they will freeze when they feel threatened, just as animals might if they are being attacked.

Ultimately, your ancestors staying safe was what enabled your beautiful self to be in the world. And when we face threats in our modern era, our body’s danger warning system does the job it was designed to do, and does it wonderfully. 

It’s okay to be scared of rejection from our crush or having people laugh at us after giving a speech or presentation. Running from a clown chasing you with a weapon is generally a good idea, too, even if it’s only in a dream. Those are normal, healthy reactions to keep you safe, and are known as defense behaviors.

But when you feel your body preparing for danger that doesn’t seem that, well, dangerous, a normal healthy response to danger can become harmful. You might become so afraid of telling your crush your true feelings that you completely stop talking to them. (Or put the conversation off until they eventually announce that they’re dating someone else.) 

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) is considered the gold standard for diagnosis of mental, emotional, and behavioral illness. The criteria for diagnosing an anxiety disorder consists of various factors. The main two symptoms are excessive anxiety and worry, and three or more of the following six symptoms must be present: restlessness or feeling on-edge; easily fatigued; difficulty concentrating or mind going blank; irritability; muscle tension; and/or sleep disturbance.

The manual also states that symptoms of worry need to be present “more days than not” for at least six months, be difficult for the person to control, be out of proportion to the situation, and cause difficulty functioning. 

Temporary feelings of stress are normal, but when anxiety becomes severe enough to be diagnosed as an anxiety disorder, it can make you (and others around you) miserable. 

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Are HSPs More Likely to Have Anxiety?

Yes, actually. Studies show that highly sensitive people (HSPs) are more likely to respond negatively in stressful situations, making us more prone to developing anxiety. We also get overstimulated easily on a day-to-day basis — and are greatly influenced by environmental factors — so you can just imagine how our anxiety escalates when we get stressed.

We do this because our brains deeply process all of the information we receive. Scientists are still trying to learn exactly why this is, but research published earlier this year suggests that there are simply more connections between our brain cells, especially in regions of the brain that handle memories and emotions, especially fear. 

More connections between brain cells means that our brains are able to be more efficient in how they handle information. The connections between brain cells can be thought of as similar to telephone wires or train tracks. Each connection allows specific bits of information, packaged as electrical impulses, to travel down the line in order to get where they need to go in the brain. Different regions in the brain receive these bits of information and react accordingly through the use of hormones and other chemicals. 

This is true for all brains, but especially so in the brains of HSP’s, where more connections mean more bits of information are available for the brain to work with, and use, when processing how to react to a certain situation. If neurotypical brains are similar to a pair of train tracks alongside a roadway, HSP brains can be thought of as Grand Central Station, only on a larger scale.  

As luck would have it, research has found that these extra brain cells are mostly found in the region of the brain that handles emotions and memories of emotions. This means that, although humans as a species are prone to remember dangerous situations in order to avoid them later on, HSPs are even more prone. The extra information brought in by the increased brain connections just gives our brains more threats to act on. 

An HSP’s Anxious Brain in Action

Let’s look at an example of the anxious HSP brain at work. At a previous job, I was late to a shift one time after being scrupulously early or on time for a year. I raced into work afraid that I would be fired, or at least be given a talking-to by my manager. What would I do if I was fired? I didn’t want to look for a new job, especially during a pandemic. 

Plus, how would I support myself while I was looking? I could pull from my savings, but I had just started putting money into them again after draining them during nursing school. This all went back to: Why couldn’t I have just left the house earlier? 

In the end, I was not fired,  but the feelings of spiraling fear and doom I experienced in that situation also made it more likely that I would become even more anxious in the future if I was ever late again, even by just a little bit. In these situations, and in others, when feelings of anxiety and stress take over your life, it can then become an anxiety disorder. But we’re focusing on “anxiety” as an umbrella term for purposes of this article.

Physical Symptoms of Anxiety Affect HSPs More Strongly, Too

In addition to the feelings of worry and stress that characterize anxiety, the DSM-5 also lists physical symptoms of anxiety in its diagnostic criteria, such as muscle tension and fatigue. Pain and fatigue are known to be strong triggers for HSPs, who, of course, experience these sensations much more than the average neurotypical person. Cortisol, which is the hormone released during periods of long-term stress, also influences eating patterns, and can make you hungry. Elaine Aron, one of the leading sensitivity researchers, included hunger as part of her HSP scale, a test which measures how sensitive someone is. Plus, HSPs are more likely to get “hangry,” hungry + angry, too.

So not only are HSPs more prone to develop anxiety, thanks to our deeply processing brains, but we are also more likely to experience its symptoms, physical and mental, more intensely. Untreated anxiety can make life miserable for those who have both it and high sensitivity.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

How HSPs Can Beat Anxiety — And Come Out Ahead

There is actually very good news for HSPs who suffer from anxiety disorders. Anxiety is highly treatable. And, the same research that shows HSPs do poorly in stressful situations, also shows that they do really, really well in supportive environments, better even than their less-sensitive peers. That means that it’s supremely important for us to seek support when we find ourselves struggling with anxiety, as our anxiety is even more highly treatable than the anxiety of our loved ones who are not HSPs. 

There are several ways you can manage your anxiety, including:

• Talk to someone: individual and/or group therapy is considered the first line of defense against anxiety. These days, there are lots of tools to make finding a therapist easier. You may see one in person or online, through a service like our partner BetterHelp, which offers reduced-cost telehealth therapy services.

• Practice controlled, deep breathing techniques, which works because it triggers your body to chill out. When your body is chill, your brain will often follow and calm itself down. It also helps get more oxygen to your brain, to enable clearer thinking in your non-anxiety producing regions. A commonly recommended sequence is: “In through your nose for a count of 4, hold for 4, out through your mouth for a count of 4.” This technique is otherwise known as “box breathing.” If you need support in this, the free Calm app has a wonderful guided breathing tool. I’ve found it helpful myself and recommended it to several of my patients with anxiety. 

• Mindfulness meditation helps you to train your brain to worry less, and helps to train you to be more accepting of the situations in which you find yourself. Research shows that it can help everyone who experiences stress (aka all of us), but especially those of us who have diagnosed anxiety disorders. 

• Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR) is a specific kind of guided meditation that uses soft, soothing noises to help you calm down. These include book pages turning, whispering, or hair-brushing. The noises are designed to make you feel relaxed and sleepy. People describe its effects as a pleasant “tingling” sensation down their spine. Personally, I use it to help me wind down and relax after a long day. It does not work for everyone, but emerging research suggests that it may work better for HSPs than for those who are more neurotypical. There are lots of free ASMR videos on YouTube, and it is easy to experiment with “triggers” to find what works for you.

• Aromatherapy can help relieve anxiety, as certain essential oils can be very calming, like lavender and peppermint. You can get oils, roll-ons, inhalation sticks, or liquid for a diffuser. 

In essence, pick and choose what works best for you. The same, soothing tools that you use for other kinds of HSP overstimulation — such as soft music, a warm bath, or a comforting book or movie — can help alleviate anxiety, too. And, as a result, hopefully, that axe-wielding clown will appear less and less frequently in your dreams.

You might like:

• Do You Cry Easily? You Might Be a Highly Sensitive Person
• 5 Ways for Highly Sensitive People to Navigate Anxiety
• 18 Things That Fill Highly Sensitive People With Joy

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The post Anxiety Hits Harder for Highly Sensitive People. Here’s Why (And How to Beat It) appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I have a confession: I sometimes work past my scheduled hours, doing paperwork and checking emails at home. It’s easy to do, since it seems as though there’s always one more thing to get done, and I’d like to be helpful. But, as much as it might help others, this practice is not helpful to me, since it blurs the lines between home and work — and often leaves me stressed and exhausted. 

Lately, I’ve been trying to setting better work-life boundaries. We all need limits between work and life, especially in our overworked modern culture, but sensitive people — who often fall into the people-pleaser and perfectionism traps — need them especially. 

That’s tricky, because while work-life balance is a concept we all strive for, work-life boundaries are harder to achieve. But they’re crucial for living a life free of overwhelm. 

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What Are Work-Life Boundaries?

So what are work-life boundaries? According to MasterClass, “(Work-life) boundaries are the rules and guidelines workers implement for themselves and human resources establish for a company to set clear lines between one’s professional and personal life.” Those rules look different for everyone, but across the board, they are lines we draw, to say “This is work” and “this is not work, this is something else (that we get to choose).” Humans are not machines after all, we were not designed to always be working.

Work-life boundaries are important. A study conducted in 2020 in the Netherlands found that blurred work-life boundaries for professionals resulted in decreased happiness and overall decreased health. Blurred work-life balances can also affect our home relationships, especially with romantic partners. But setting boundaries might involve some conflict, or at least some anxiety about conflict. And HSPs famously hate conflict (and can be more prone to anxiety). 

So, what is an overworked HSP to do? 

How to Determine Your Own Work-Life Boundaries

The first step, at least according to business writer Sean Peek, is to figure out what you want your ideal work life to look like (keeping in mind, of course, that there is no ideal job). The boundaries you need will flow naturally from this ideal.

Controlling Your Environment

This balance is going to look different for everyone, as everyone has different needs for their work. However, sensitive people as a whole are more prone to occupational burnout, and if you work in a “helping” profession, such as teaching or healthcare, more prone to compassion fatigue as well, compared to our neurotypical coworkers. We also tend to prefer calm, stable environments. (Chaotic environments cause all employees stress and anxiety, but HSPs feel those things more strongly than others, thanks to our extra-deep sensory processing.) That means that, as a sensitive person, your ideal work life will likely include working somewhere with a calmer physical environment or the capacity to control your own environment — and, if you’re in a high-stress or helping profession, a lot of downtime and outside of work to help combat fatigue. 

Finding Meaningful Work

Highly sensitive people also crave meaningful work, and truly want to believe that they are making a difference with the job they do. We don’t like showing up to work simply to earn a paycheck! (Coincidentally, many of these “meaningful” jobs are also the roles that drain HSPs the most since they require lots of empathy and attention to the needs of others.) Doing this more meaningful, but demanding work may mean establishing firmer boundaries around your time or what kind of company culture you’ll tolerate.

A practical guide to finding your ideal work is to take Richard Nelson Bolles’ advice in his book What Color is Your Parachute? Bolles advises listing every job you’ve ever had, then pros and cons about that job. What did you love — the hours, the people you worked with, the salary, the nature of the work? And what did you not love — maybe the commute, a micromanaging boss, the overtime or extra hours? Once you’re done, compile all of the pros and cons into a master list. You can’t have everything you want, but you might find that your list reveals some powerful tradeoffs. For example, perhaps you thought you were simply burned out in your industry, but you’d actually be happy as long as you lose the long commute. Or perhaps you were perfectly happy in a highly demanding role when you had a supportive boss, and that’s what you need to look for to keep going. 

Beware of Overworking

Another question to consider in regard to your ideal work balance is how much extra effort you may be putting in. HSPs are known perfectionists, sometimes to the point of dangerously overworking. After all, we want to do a good job, and there is nothing wrong with that — as long as it doesn’t get in the way of your health and happiness. As my therapist once asked me, “Are you okay with doing a good enough job and walking away at the end of the day, or are you wasting energy trying to be perfect?” Sometimes, “good enough” really is good enough. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

Making the Changes You Need In Your Career

Once you have figured out what you want your ideal work-life balance to look like, that’s where some conflict might come into play. But the good news is that you can start with some small changes to your work routine. As an example, if your company offers voluntary overtime, say no. In most cases, no amount of money is worth your mental health. (If you feel as though you are letting down the company, don’t. It is their responsibility to hire enough employees to do all of the work.) Another small change that I found personally very helpful is to refrain from checking email on my day off. Whatever it is, it will wait until my next working day.

There is some evidence to suggest that working from home or hybrid may benefit HSPs, as they can better organize their day to suit them, avoid interruptions and provide time for deep thinking. If this is something your company allows, try it. If not, consider asking your supervisor if it’s something you can look into. Approach this conversation from the perspective of wanting to do your best work and contribute the most to the company, and explain why working remotely some days will help you do that. 

Many HSPs also find that the work approach that best meets their needs is starting their own business or doing freelance work. However, entering the business world can be overwhelming for many, with its extrovert-oriented tendencies (I was certainly terrified taking my first Entrepreneurship class, afraid that I wouldn’t belong or fit in.) HSP therapist and expert Julie Bjelland offers resources for HSPs wanting to start their own business here.

Other small steps you can take to build your work-life boundaries include?

• If you do work from home in any capacity, make sure you set up a space that is solely devoted to work, in order to keep work life separate from home life in both your physical and mental spaces.  Many people find it stressful to have their kitchen table double as their office desk. 
• If you’re an office worker (remote or in-person), make sure you disconnect from work tasks such as email and Zoom meetings at the end of your day and week.
• Create space in your schedule to recharge from work. This is all important for all of us, but HSPs have been shown to need more rest and downtime in order to function at their best. Don’t compromise your scheduled downtime for obligations and invites from friends and coworkers. 
• When the work day is over, stop working. Many company cultures now tend toward workers staying well after 5:00 without extra compensation. Be the first to break that trend — it’s unlikely to harm you in the long run, and the boost to your health will more than pay off. 
• Find a mentor in your career or a related field. According to Andre Sólo, coauthor of the bestselling book Sensitive, HSPs benefit from a “Boost Effect” when they have support and resources: They rocket to far greater heights than less-sensitive people with the same support. A mentor is a great way to activate the Boost Effect in your own life and shape your career to fit your boundaries. 

Enforcing Your Boundaries

Once you have set your boundaries around work and work-life balance, how do you keep them?  It’s tempting to compromise on your boundaries when your coworkers or boss ask for help above and beyond your job description, “just this one time.” And don’t you want to help people? But your boundaries exist for a reason, and they are important.

Bjelland suggests reframing how you say no. Instead of thinking of how you are disappointing someone else, think of how you are saying no to yourself. Enforcing your boundaries is saying yes to yourself and your needs. And honoring your needs for greater work-life balance, or even just less work stress, ultimately allows you to do better work, which is saying yes to your job as well.

You Might Like:

• A Therapist Explains How HSPs Can Tame Perfectionism
• Why Are Highly Sensitive People Attracted to Jobs That Burn Them Out?
• Escaping from Work Addiction as a Highly Sensitive Person

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post How to Set Work-Life Boundaries That Actually Work appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.