There are many positives to being a highly sensitive person (HSP). Some are less obvious than others and some remain hidden to the outside world. But what if all the non-HSPs around us knew just what we HSPs bring to the table, in all sorts of situations? 

HSPs have valuable traits and skills that benefit everyone around us — like our heightened intuition and the way we can read how others are feeling before they even utter a word. But there are particular situations where we truly come into our own. Here are 11 of those times. 

11 Moments Where You Really, Really Need an HSP

1. When a fire alarm goes off

Pre-empting danger is an HSP superpower. When that fire alarm goes off, you’ll be glad there’s a highly sensitive person around. We know exactly where the nearest fire escape is located. That notice on the back of the hotel door detailing what to do in an emergency? The one you ignored? We’ve studied it in detail between showering and coming down for dinner. Just in case. So be sure to follow us if that fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and you’re stumbling around all sleepy eyed looking for safety. 

2. When an innovative solution is needed

HSPs are skilled in right brain thinking — we thrive on being able to hone in on an issue and put our problem-solving skills to the ultimate test. Our complex inner lives help us to tap into our creativity — and that translates into creative solutions for you. And be assured, our minds are always on the go mulling over issues, like a hamster on a wheel. In short, we are problem solvers extraordinaire… as long as you give us ample space and time to consider the matter at hand.

3. When you need a reminder that the small things matter, too

HSPs notice the details and thrive on the beauty of the little things around us: the wonder of drops of dew on the lush green leaves on a morning walk, the miracle of a deep crimson sky as the sun sets for the day, the simple joy a favorite piece of music evokes, the smile from a loved one as you enter a room, or a hug that soothes your soul. Even if it is just for a minute. We all get lost in our to-do lists and daily lives — and sometimes need a reminder that the small things may well be the things that matter most.

4. When you need to get things done

You don’t have to tell an HSP twice to get something done. If there’s something sensitive people are, it’s conscientious. Quite simply, we don’t like the consequences of not finishing an assigned task. If the environment is conducive to concentrating, then an HSP will get the job done. As the mother of two HSP middle schoolers, this trait is a godsend when it comes to getting that homework done. As a bonus, if the task relates to a cause that a highly sensitive person cares about, we require little supervision or external motivation. We will get it done.

5. When you need emotional support

When you are in need of a listening ear, then an HSP is there for you. Empathetic is our middle name. We pick up the emotional and non-verbal signals and body language, i.e., all the words you don’t say so you can’t hide emotions from us. We feel the mood in a room and soak up emotions like a sponge. We are invested. It is in our nature to offer a shoulder to lean, or cry, on when things are tough. Don’t ask us to fix your problems for you (that puts too much of a burden on us).But if a listening ear is what you need, then we are there for you. 

6. When you need to make an important decision

If thorough consideration, reflection, and a dash of intuition is what you need, then approach a highly sensitive soul for help. When we make decisions, we don’t make them lightly. You can be sure that we have considered every single pro and every single con — and carefully weighed them up against each other. We have truly considered every outcome. We mull over possible consequences prior to acting. We also remember previous mistakes, process them, and use the learnings to avoid similar mistakes in the future. Conversely, if you want a quick, impulsive decision, don’t come to us.

7. When you need someone to consider the meaning of life with you

We will happily be your sparring partner when it comes to discussing things that really matter: the injustice of it all, climate problems, inequality, our place in the world. What is our purpose? Why are we here? Spiritual matters occupy a space in our heads continually. It doesn’t mean we are religious, but the big complex issues facing the human race are definitely on our preferred conversation topic lists. The hefty challenges facing humanity matter deeply to us. Are you interested in small talk? No thanks.

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8. When you need the errors weeded out

HSPs are perceptive. Tasks that require high attention to detail are tasks made just for us. We see mistakes without looking for them — they seem to jump out at us on a page. We’re the people that can’t just overlook and forgive an error in the book we’re reading; we’re scouring for contact details and emailing the publisher so they can sort it out for the next edition. (That’s not just me, right?) We see errors as if there’s a flashing neon arrow pointing to them. We spot them so you can sidestep them. (You’re welcome.)

9. When you need a good party organizer

We revel in spreading joy and excitement. HSPs like to make others feel good. Situations where people can be together and experience happiness? We are there for you. Attention to detail, anticipating the needs of others, tapping into the emotions of others, thorough planning so that nothing is left to chance, and checking the details, not just once or twice, but meticulously — all skills that make us excellent party organizers. Just please don’t organize a big surprise celebration for us in return.

10. When you need a leader

For all the reasons above, HSPs make effective leaders. As empathetic listeners, HSPs lead with heart and soul and understand the needs of others. They also encourage team members to make valuable contributions and ensure that all voices are heard within a team. Because these are things that genuinely matter to an HSP in the workplace. On the other hand, if you are looking for a leader that dedicates themselves to office politics, lacks ethics, and puts profit first at the expense of people, then put that HSP to the bottom of your selection list.

11. When you need a friend… for life

Quality over quantity: that’s the HSP motto when it comes to friendship. Once you have truly been let into a HSP’s inner circle, you are there for life. Need somebody that seems to know what you are thinking? Has your back when you need support? Makes you feel heard and appreciated? Provides a listening ear and an insightful response? That’s a highly sensitive person. When the friendship is genuine, you get to see the real version of your highly sensitive friend. And that is something special indeed. 

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

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The post 11 Moments When You Really, Really Need an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

We all want our young children to mature into independent, self-sufficient teenagers, but while they’re young, they need us to give them a voice. They need us to stand up for them and communicate their needs. They need us to be their greatest advocate.

This is never more true than it is with a sensitive child — one who might be creative, thoughtful and caring but can also easily become overstimulated or have strong emotions.

Roughly 1 in 5 children are born as highly sensitive people (HSPs), which means they process everything in their environment very deeply. This trait can be a gift, making them extremely empathetic, intuitive, and creative, but it can also be overwhelming at times. It means they are more profoundly affected by their school environment than other children — including how teachers treat them.

Wondering if your child is highly sensitive? Here’s how to tell. 

Here’s what sensitive children need from parents and teachers, and seven tips to help you advocate for your highly sensitive child.

Why Your Highly Sensitive Child Needs You to Speak for Them

In many cases, your highly sensitive child will not show their true emotions in the classroom. They will wait until they get home and then melt down. A teacher can therefore be oblivious to the issues that your HSP child faces. It may take a long time for your child to build up the trust with a teacher that allows them to show their real selves — if ever.

All young children need a parent to help them communicate with other adults. They need help to feel listened to. They need us to help them put how they feel into language that others will act upon. But a sensitive child’s needs are even less obvious without an advocate.

Therefore, your voice speaking for them is vital if they are to flourish in any setting outside the home.

At the end of the day, you know your child better than any other person on the planet, and if you don’t advocate for them, who will?

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

7 Tips to Advocate for Your Highly Sensitive Child

1. Be a messenger.

Really sit and listen to your child. If you’re going to speak for them, make sure it’s their message you are sharing. It’s easy as parents to fill in the gaps and make assumptions or jump to conclusions about why your child feels a certain way.

This goes both ways. Try to see the world through your child’s eyes, ensure that you translate those experiences for them. A sensitive child may take a flippant comment from a classmate to heart and tell you they are being bullied. Probe deeper before you charge into school and start an emotional dialogue with a teacher.

Help your child to see a situation through different eyes but, when necessary, advocate for them with their view of the world in mind.

2. Know how to work within the system.

If your child needs support in school, then you need to know where to go and how to get that assistance. Know what rights your child has to an evaluation or support services.

If your child is not eligible for support in the classroom, then your efforts can be better directed elsewhere, for your sake and your child’s. Fight for your child, but don’t drive yourself mad knocking your head against a brick wall. Remember: Being highly sensitive is not a disorder, and your school or district may focus resources on children with diagnosed conditions. 

Red tape is a fact of life, and resources in the education system are limited.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and challenge.

Being informed helps you advocate for your child. Ask the questions you need to ask in order to feel confident that you understand the situation your child is in. Prepare yourself for meeting with school heads or teachers, or with external support services.

Don’t be afraid to challenge assumptions. Being highly sensitive often overlaps with being gifted, but HSP children are often misread and misrepresented.

A great example is scoring low marks in a subject in school. As a parent you know your child is capable of more challenging work, but the teacher insists that your child needs to up their grades before that challenging work is given. (Ask me how I came up with this example!)

Sometimes you need to go above and beyond to get your point across for your child — and you sometimes have to be THAT parent.

4. Build partnerships with others — especially the teacher.

The best way to advocate for your child is to build partnerships with those who are involved in the care of your child. Partnership means offering them support and help where needed, and keeping an open line of communication.

A school usually wants the same outcome as you — but a teacher likely has responsibility for more students than they would like. The more you partner, the better you inform a teacher, the easier it is for a teacher to understand your child and their needs.

Not sure how to start? This will help. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

5. Learn to be comfortable outside your comfort zone.

If you are highly sensitive yourself — or an introvert — you may find the role of advocate a weighty one. Being the advocate for your highly sensitive child may mean you need to step well outside the confines of your comfort zone.

You may need to respond on the spot, without processing and thinking about your answer. You may have to challenge and stand in the spotlight. You may have to fight your way through a maze of processes and people to get the outcome your child needs.

In other words: You need to get comfortable outside your comfort zone.

6. Offer solutions.

When you sit down at parent/teacher conferences, or sit in meetings with external support services, come armed with potential solutions — not just a list of problems.

This means doing your homework. Talk to your highly sensitive child and work out together what they need.

Even if you’re not sure how to implement those solutions, just coming to meetings with potential ideas means you’re halfway there. 

7. Educate others.

You may find yourself advocating for your child with teachers, coaches, child care providers, even family. They may misinterpret your highly sensitive child’s behavior, leaving you and your child upset and exasperated. Not everyone knows what a highly sensitive person is, or understands how a sensitive child feels and experiences the world.

And not every teacher has had experience with the idea of “highly sensitive.”

If you are lucky, the people around you will be open to learning more. These two books are excellent resources to help you on your mission to educate others about high sensitivity:

1. Elaine Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Child (which has an excellent section for teachers!).
2. James Williams’ Understanding the Highly Sensitive Child: Seeing an Overwhelming World through Their Eyes. This book is a brilliant read for extended family or teachers who don’t quite understand your sensitive child. It’s written to help them gain a view through the child’s eyes. If they don’t get it after reading this, then quite frankly, they never will!

Parents, have you had to advocate for your highly sensitive child? What worked and what didn’t? And, to the teachers reading this: What is the most effective way for parents to advocate (without being a nuisance)? 

A version of this article originally appeared at Happy Sensitive Kids. 

You might like:

• 7 Things All Highly Sensitive Children Need to Hear
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The post How to Advocate for Your Sensitive Child appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

When it comes to friendships, we highly sensitive people (HSPs) are more about the quality than the quantity. A couple of good friends mean more than a full address book to us. We crave deep friendships, not a large social group to hang with. We don’t need any old social interaction; we need the right kind of social interaction, personalized to us HSPs.

And even though some people may have a hard time understanding our sensitivity — why we may cry at the drop of a hat or tear up when we see something beautiful in nature — our many, many HSP superpowers overshadow everything else. And for the right friend, we give our all. Here’s why you can count yourself lucky if your best friend is a highly sensitive person.

8 Reasons You’ll Be Glad to Have an HSP as Your Best Friend

1. They are mind readers extraordinaire.

HSPs know how you are feeling without you actually telling them. They see that dark cloud above your head or the beaming smile on your face. Think of us as emotional sponges; we soak up the emotions around us, whether we want to or not. And we don’t just see your emotion; we feel it, too. When you’re sad, we want to help. When you’re ecstatic, we want to share in your joy. No matter what, we want to be there for you, plain and simple. Speaking of which…

2. They’ll always provide you with a sympathetic (and empathetic) ear.

HSPs have buckets filled to the brim with empathy and they’re certainly not afraid to use it. We feel all the feels you have, so we know when to offer you a listening sympathetic — and empathetic — ear. Or a non-judgmental shoulder to lean on. Or a platform to rant from. Whichever you need most. 

But don’t worry, we can also sense when you really don’t want to talk about it. And we respect that, too. Just know that when you are friends with an HSP, you’ll feel that someone cares. It’s in our nature to want to help you. 

3. They’ll give you a carefully-weighed, thorough response.

HSPs like to weigh all the possibilities before responding so they can help you figure out an innovative solution. They reflect deeply on the problem or issue at hand, and their decisions are never taken lightly. They are contemplative and introspective — and they’ll probably think of things that you haven’t picked up on and help you see the whole picture. 

As your HSP best friend, we will remind you of the mistakes you have made in the past, too, so you can avoid making the same ones in the future. Actions, possible consequences — we’ve thought it all through.

Intuition plays a big role in our decision-making also — our instincts are usually spot on — so you get to enjoy the benefits of yet another one of our superpowers.

4. They’ll see through your, “I’m okay…”

An HSP can read you like a book. They’re excellent facial-expression-interpreters and can expertly read eyes and body language. They hear everything you don’t say. 

While you may be able to appease other friends with the line, “I’m okay,” it won’t work with us. We’ll see right through the dismissive “I’m okay”s.

The plus side of all this is that you don’t have to put on a brave face with us when life is getting you down. You can be yourself. In fact, we insist on it.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

5. They are people-pleasers and all about the details.

Your highly sensitive friend will follow up with you on the things that you have going on in your life: They’ll ask questions about your day; they’ll revisit that topic you two talked about last time you met up; and they’ll notice the nuances in what you say (and don’t).

We’ll also share in your experiences and remind you how important you are, because to us, you really are. We will remember your birthday, the anniversaries and the dates that matter — the positive and the negative. HSPs provide that special touch and remind you that you matter.

We HSPs are people-pleasers who put your happiness above our own (sometimes to a fault). We derive happiness from doing something that moves you, that makes you happy. Like throwing you that surprise birthday party — the joy and surprise on your face makes our week, probably our month. And to boot, we love getting bogged down in the details of planning such a party.

6. They will make you look at the world in a new way and have heartfelt conversations.

If there is something that HSPs don’t like, it’s small talk. Instead, they like to talk about deeper topics and the big topics of the day. They’re all about righting injustice and making the world around them better. 

Being friends with a HSP means having meaningful, heartfelt conversations. We’ll get you thinking about the big picture and how you really feel about the world around you. We live for hearing how something makes you feel and what you are passionate about — we are energized when you share your dreams and aspirations with us.          

7. They’d love to see you, but they need alone time, too.

Nobody understands more than an HSP when you call us to cancel a plan we’d made — you just can’t go out tonight. Your work day was more hectic than you expected and you can’t bear to go to a busy restaurant. We get you. Totally. And completely. Alone time is one of our things, and we won’t mind if we unexpectedly get more of it. No way will your HSP friend guilt you into going out when you don’t want to (just as we hope you won’t guilt us either when we need time to ourselves).

An experienced HSP guards their boundaries furiously — even though it’s not always easy — and we won’t judge you when you do the same. In fact, if anything, it will probably make us love and respect you more.

8. They’ll be your friend for life.

HSPs often find it hard to relate to people around them since many everyday activities overwhelm them. A busy restaurant, a crowded bar, a loud party — they’re sure to feel drained and would rather be home.

People often see us as “different.” As a result, we are selective with our relationships and those we let in. So if we’re good friends with you, it means we have found common ground, and an HSP doesn’t take that lightly.

So once you’re in with a highly sensitive person, you are in for life. Remember, we’re all about quality over quantity. There’s no reason for an HSP to go friend-hunting once we have found those who “get us.” And if that’s you, then count your blessings — you can truly rely on us. Through thick and thin. Through the highs and lows. The pits and the peaks. As long as the friendship is a two-way street, we’re in it for keeps. 

And, as a last word of advice for every HSP out there, learn to be as good a friend to yourself as you are to others: show yourself empathy, love, and compassion, too. Not only will it benefit you, but also those around you.

My fellow highly sensitive souls, is there anything you’d add to this list? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• 11 Moments When You Really, Really Need an HSP
• How to Be a Good Friend to a Highly Sensitive Person
• 4 Reasons Why HSPs Are the Best at Reading Body Language

The post 8 Reasons You’ll Be Glad to Have an HSP as Your Best Friend appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

“I AM!” my four year old shouts back at me.

It’s the tail end of a discussion we seem to have most mornings when I’m agitated by the rush to get my three sons ready for school.

“Don’t shout at me,” I snap, and my son bursts into heart-wrenching tears. I embrace him quickly and say sorry. I know by now not to raise my voice with my sensitive son; I know by now not to suddenly change my tone — but I’m human and sometimes the stress of the morning rush gets the better of me.

I feel like crap and I vow to be more mindful of my tone, the volume of my voice.

Nobody likes a raised voice.

Nobody likes a stern tone.

Nobody likes to be told off.

But for a highly sensitive child (HSC), all these things hit home even harder.

Here are eight reasons why a gentle approach to discipline works effectively with a highly sensitive child.

Why Gentle Discipline Works Best With Highly Sensitive Kids

1. Highly sensitive children are sensitive to noise.

The increased volume of noise when you raise your voice, particularly suddenly, impacts a sensitive child deeply; it can startle and scare them. Raised, stern voices cause stress and anxiety in HSCs — and in many highly sensitive adults, too, for that matter. The wall of noise, as an HSC experiences a raised voice, blocks out your message.

2. Highly sensitive children are more easily upset and overstimulated.

An HSC’s emotions are more intense than a non-highly sensitive child. They are less able to dismiss feelings and shrug them off. Negative feelings are amplified and stay with an HSC longer, so chances are your child already feels scared, angry at themselves, upset or overwhelmed, when they know they have done something wrong.

Once upset, the message behind your words is drowned out by their emotional state. Emotional overstimulation means that no more input is processed. Waiting until both you and your child are calm allows you to both talk rationally and quietly so you can focus on the message you want your child to hear. It usually takes around twenty minutes for a child to regain their composure.

3. Highly sensitive children process things deeply.

HSCs process sensory input deeply — and that includes the things said to them and how they are said. This means words cut deep, and a severe tone hits especially hard.

4. Highly sensitive children have a strong sense of shame.

A stern tone, anger, or disappointment shown in a voice evokes guilt or shame in an HSC — even if that voice is telling someone else off.

Imagine a teacher trying to establish the perpetrator of an incident in the class. An HSC may feel a sense of guilt even though they are innocent of any wrongdoing.

If you’re in public and your child’s behavior needs your intervention, it’s best to remove your child from other people and find a quiet, private space. Their shame can cause overwhelm and an outburst if you publicly correct your HSC.

They tend to act as their own disciplinarians; their sense of shame is often so strong that they beat themselves up mentally for what they have done, and feel terrible without an adult saying a word to them. HSCs are masters of self-criticism and they don’t need to be told they are “naughty.”

5. Highly sensitive children seek approval.

An HSC may worry about getting into trouble and is made anxious just by seeing signs of disapproval (or reading between the lines) from those around them — whether at home or in the classroom. Praise works wonders for an HSC. Personal criticism, especially in the heat of the moment, will be taken to heart and may eat away at an HSC’s self-esteem.

6. Highly sensitive children have a strong sense of justice.

Listening to an HSC instead of instantly passing judgement on their behavior (and the reasons behind it) is important to them, as they tend to have a strong sense of justice.

Feeling that a decision is unjust and that their case has not been heard will deeply upset an HSC. They may become more embroiled in the perceived injustice than in the message you want to get across about their behavior or actions.

7. Highly sensitive children communicate subtly.

Even from a very young age, HSCs pick up on tone of voice, body language, emotions shown in someone’s eyes, and unsaid words. Voices can therefore seem loud and stern to an HSC, even when it is not intended.

Making a conscious effort to speak quietly and gently to an HSC helps ensure that your words and messages are not misconstrued.

This is something that is particularly difficult for non-highly sensitive parents who don’t necessarily appreciate just how loud or stern their voice comes across to their HSC.

8. Highly sensitive children naturally follow rules.

Communicating clear expectations, standards, and rules will help an HSC immensely as they tend to be adept at adhering to the rules. In general, HSCs are not risk-takers, so they love rules.

HSCs have a strong internal moral compass, and when they do something wrong, they process the incident deeply to make sure they don’t make the same error again. They actually don’t need harsh words to learn from the mistakes they make. Gentle correction is enough.

The aim of any parent when disciplining a child is to bring about a change in behavior. The aim is to ensure that a child remembers the lesson for the next time so they act differently in the same situation. No one wins if the lesson is overshadowed by the severity of the punishment, or a caregiver’s reaction — and that can easily be the case with an HSC.

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But when you adopt a more gentle approach to discipline, you may find yourself facing criticism from extended family, friends, and even complete strangers (particularly those with a strict upbringing themselves). These people may accuse you of being “too soft” on your child, of allowing your child to manipulate you or get away with unacceptable behavior.

If necessary, or if it makes you feel more comfortable, explain that you will talk to your child about the incident when he or she is calmer and when you are alone. This is a great way to deflect criticism.

As parents of HSCs, we have rules, standards, and limits — and our children need to learn to stay within those boundaries. But because of their temperament, they learn those limits most effectively through a gentle approach. Trust that you know your sensitive child best.

Want to learn more about parenting a highly sensitive child? Check out my blog, Happy Sensitive Kids, where I share advice and life lessons.

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A version of this post was originally published on Happy Sensitive Kids. It is republished here with permission from the author.

The post 8 Reasons Why Gentle Discipline Works Best With the Highly Sensitive Child appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

When I became a mother, I was suddenly cast into the world of the highly sensitive child (HSC), and it’s been a real eye-opener. Not only did I finally understand my eldest son, but I also got to know myself better. More importantly, I started accepting myself for who I am instead of thinking I needed to change to fit in with things that have never felt comfortable to me — a society geared towards the non-HSP. It’s an important lesson I’ll always carry with me.

Here are eight things I’ve learned as a highly sensitive introvert from my incredible little HSC.

What I’ve Learned From My Highly Sensitive Child

1. I’m a highly sensitive person, too.

I’d been well aware for many years that I’m an introvert. I’m energized by being alone, by being in a haven of quiet. The energy is sucked out of me being in a crowd of people. I’m unsure about going to new places, meeting new people, and making small talk. I’m a real homebody and am more than content to stay at home rather than be out socializing every evening (even before motherhood!).

Since becoming a parent — and realizing that my eldest is an HSC — I’m able to give my characteristics and how I feel a name. I’m a highly sensitive person. Learning about HSP traits meant everything suddenly fell into place for me. It was a good feeling!

2. It’s okay to be me.

For years, my vision board and goal setting included ambitions such as “be more extroverted,” “go to networking events,” “go out more regularly with friends,” and “meet new people”. While I’ll always strive to be a better me, I’ve recently learned to accept myself and my limits. I’ll never be more extroverted. I’ll never be completely comfortable being the center of attention in a large group. I’ll never want to network with new people — and that’s okay. I accept all that I am — introvert and highly sensitive warts and all.

3. “Me time” is essential.

Highly sensitive people (including children) need down time, and lots of it — whether they’re an introvert or an extrovert! Peace, calm, silence, relaxation: these are not luxuries for sensitive souls. These are essentials.

When my first son was a baby, I was alone at home with him all day. I became agitated if he wouldn’t sleep at nap time. If he cried incessantly during the day (which he did a lot), and I couldn’t get a minute to myself, I was a big ball of knotted stress by the time my husband came home. I thought I was a terrible mother.

By the time my second son was born, I’d learned that I need time to recharge during the day in order to cope with the noise and chaos that can ensue with a house filled with very small people.

When my children slept, I made sure I used those precious minutes to create quiet to clear my head, to reset myself to zero. Sometimes I read, sometimes I wrote. Sometimes I just sat and closed my eyes. No music, no TV, no vacuum cleaners or clattering of pans or dishes.

More than four years on, with three little boys in our home, I still insist on quiet time in the middle of the day. My youngest sleeps but the eldest two play in their rooms alone, or together, and do something quiet like drawing or puzzles, or they create masterpieces with their Legos. It does us all good. Without it, our afternoons and evenings can be tense!

4. I’m a sponge for other people’s emotions.

Not in an annoying Sponge Bob kind of way — but in a “soak up the emotions around me” sort of way.

When my eldest son was in the peuterspeelzaal (nursery school), his teachers told us that if others in the class were crying, there would be tears in his eyes, too. If someone hurt themselves, he’d get upset, even though he wasn’t hurt! If someone was sad, he’d be sad, too.

It’s a common trait of the HSP, and before I knew about high sensitivity, I never really got why others weren’t affected to the same extent as me by other people’s misfortune or sadness, or by horrific events reported on the news.

I’m often upset, on the brink of tears even, about things that are really not my problem to deal with. Worse still, when I hear about someone else’s dilemmas, I try desperately to think of how I could directly help them and I take their problem on as my own. Like I don’t have enough to worry about with three children! So I end up feeling frazzled as I carry the weight of everyone’s problems on my shoulders.

My sensitive son made me realize that I have to set boundaries. I’ve been busy helping him learn what he can filter out from his school day, what he should let go of, and it helps me in turn. I’ve learned to think more objectively when someone is sharing an issue with me — a listening ear is often enough, and people are not expecting me to sort out their personal lives and issues for them.

5. I’m a human lie detector.

My son quickly picks up on people who say one thing but actually mean something else. He knows when he hears half truths, an incomplete story, or just plain old nonsense. He watches faces, he reads eyes, and when the sentiment doesn’t match the words, he knows it in a flash.

It’s hugely related to #4, and it’s hard to trick highly sensitive people with mutterings of “I’m fine” while there are emotions in the eyes that tell a different story.

When I saw how tuned in my son is to the unspoken truth, the penny dropped about myself. Some people make me feel very uncomfortable, and I’m very quick to cast judgement on whether I trust someone or not.

6. I’m creative for a reason.

My son needs an outlet to release his emotions and experiences on any given day. He loves making things and using his imagination. He likes to paint, draw, make things with play dough, tell stories, and build his own little world with the help of his Legos. Creative activities help him empty his emotional bucket.

That means Pinterest is my best friend, and I’ve found that I really enjoy seeking out great projects to make with all three of my sons. It provides me with the creative outlet that I need too, on top of the writing that I don’t always get to do as much as I’d like. There has to be a place for all the energy that is swirling around my head to go. I can channel creative energy into making things with my children. and that helps me on an emotional level.

7. It takes strength to be true to your HSP self.

My eldest has a particular affinity to nature. One day, he came home from school very upset because his friends were trying to kill a worm they’d found. He thought it was horrible that they could act in such a way.

As he’s gotten older, he’s struggled with the behavior of his peers, trying to be the same as them while holding on to how he feels when he sees living things being killed. I see him start to bend to fit in, even though it doesn’t feel right to him. Later, when he’s lying in bed talking about his day, he’s able to be open and honest about how something made him feel. More and more, he talks about how “good” he was because he didn’t cry, even though he felt like he might. Sadly, he’s already being conditioned to fit in better in a world not designed for HSPs — especially HSP males.

This is just one example of how highly sensitive boys don’t live up to society’s expectation of how males should behave. Many boys therefore suppress their natural instinct and feelings. Ted Zeff’s book, The Strong, Sensitive Boy, is a great resource to delve further into this topic.

I’ve learned how important it is to help my son be true to himself, and in turn, be true to myself. Sometimes it takes more strength to follow your own heart and be true to your own feelings than to bend and follow the crowd.

It’s a hard lesson for a child, particularly one who’s so sensitive. It’s so important to find the balance between honoring how we feel but not constantly sticking our neck on the line. My son doesn’t want to stand out from all of his friends, he doesn’t want to be different, so I understand that parenting him is all about guiding him to find the right balance between feeling comfortable but being true to himself.

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8. Nature can heal HSPs.

My eldest HSC is given a new lease on life being outdoors, running among the trees and racing carefree along sandy beaches. He’s happiest embracing all that nature has to offer. He’s taught me that nature is a powerful healer for HSPs; nature refreshes me, gives me energy, and allows me to see things through renewed eyes. It blows away the cobwebs, and with life so busy, it’s good to take time out and walk in the woods, sit on the beach, paddle in a lake.

Parenting a highly sensitive child has its ups and downs, but what my eldest child has already taught me in eight short years is one of the highlights of parenting a sensitive soul. What greater gift is there than learning to love and accept yourself?

Want to learn more about parenting a highly sensitive child? Check out my blog, Happy Sensitive Kids, where I share advice and life lessons.

You might like:

• Is Your Child Highly Sensitive?
• The World Needs Highly Sensitive Men Now More Than Ever
• ‘Forest Bathing’ Is a Thing, and It Can Heal HSPs

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A version of this post was originally published on Happy Sensitive Kids. It is republished here with permission from the author.

The post 8 Things My Highly Sensitive Son Taught Me About Myself appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.