We’ve all been there. The gift we ordered for Mom arrives too late, we missed an important deadline, our health insurance denies a costly claim, we get into a fender bender, or our significant other says they “want to talk.” These are daily disappointments we all face, but for highly sensitive people (HSP) — nearly 30 percent of the population — these frustrations can push us to the brink. After all, we tend to be perfectionists, so it’s hard when things don’t go our way…

Here’s an example that happened to me recently. Because of COVID-19, getting my dog, Jackson, into the vet for a check-up — to discusshis aggressive behavior toward other dogs and anything on wheels — had been a huge challenge. I tried five different vets and finally found one who could see him in two weeks. I gathered his health history, planned to walk him ahead of time and, since this was his first visit with me, I wanted to keep him calm. 

I was all ready for the visit — and feeling quite proud of myself for being so prepared — when I realized I missed the appointment by an hour. I’d now have to wait another two weeks to get him in. I’d looked at my calendar the night before — how did I miss it? 

Trying to Make the Most of It

I decided to make the most of it, so Jackson and I headed to a nearby State Park to walk along the waterfront, something that usually soothes my HSP soul. We had just gone the previous weekend, but we love it so much that I’d purchased a season pass so we could go whenever we’d like. Somehow between the previous Saturday and this one, I lost the season pass, a $35 mistake. Plus, when I got to the park, the park ranger asked if I had a pass and I said “Yes.” Now I had inadvertently lied, which I loathe. But wait, there’s more. When we got there, it started raining. It seemed nothing was going my way. 

None of these things by themselves would cause me to lose my cool, but it was one thing after another, and my highly sensitive self was overstimulated by it all. I texted my boyfriend, hoping for a little support or sympathy. Instead, his reply was “Don’t stress.” Really? That’s not what I needed. 

Why are days like this such a big deal? One disappointment too many creates emotional overload and, all of a sudden, everything seems to be falling apart, even if it actually isn’t. While we may be highly sensitive, life’s daily ups and downs don’t have to sink us. Here are seven strategies that help me deal with things beyond my control. 

7 Ways HSPs Can Effectively Deal With Life’s Daily Disappointments 

1. Acknowledge the disappointment or frustration without judgment. 

My first thought after missing the vet appointment was to beat myself up (how could I be so stupid?). But that didn’t solve the problem or make me feel better, so instead I took a few deep breaths and figured out what I could do to rectify the situation. After all, it wasn’t about me; it was about getting my dog the care he needed. While his behavior was concerning, it wasn’t an urgent medical need, and his behavior wasn’t going to change overnight. Problem-solving was the next best thing.

2. Identify possible solutions. 

I called the vet right away to apologize and to ask if they could see Jackson later that day. They couldn’t, but they rescheduled the appointment and let me drop off his paperwork, so at least I was able to check that off my mental “to-do” list. This way, my HSP mind was able to relax more and let that minor frustration go.

3. Practice self-care.

Practice good self-care: take deep breaths, go for a walk, or curl up and take a nap — or maybe all three. We often hear “take deep breaths.” The act of breathing alone causes you to put your attention on something besides your frustration. A walk can do that for me, too (and HSPs love being in nature anyway). A nap works if I can turn my mind off, so it isn’t always foolproof. 

I also learned a mindfulness trick I’d read online: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. By the time you’re done, you might find that you’re a bit calmer (or at least distracted from what originally upset you).

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4.  Choose one of your “go to” activities that always makes you feel better. 

Because I get wound up when I have days like this, I can’t always think clearly to identify those “feel-good” activities, so I have a list of things on my phone that make me feel better. Then all I need to do is choose one: call a friend, take a bath, read a book to help me escape, color, or watch a feel-good movie. By having this list ready, I don’t have to think about what will calm me down, which can also be stressful (“How do I relax?!”). Instead, it is plug-and-play.

5.  Know your limitations and ask for help. 

Let’s say you had a fender bender and your highly sensitive self is triggered by this commonplace-but-still-annoying event. Call someone, like a friend or family member, to come help you. Maybe they can help you call the insurance company, get a rental car, make you a cup of tea, or just listen and give you a hug. 

Caution: Choose the person you call carefully. If it is someone who will make the situation more dramatic than it already is, or who will tell you all about their bad day rather than hearing about yours, call someone else. You want to be heard, not dismissed.

6.  Avoid making other decisions when you are triggered by the little annoyances in life. 

Being on emotional overload is not the time to break up with your boyfriend, quit your job, or tell your BFF you’re really ticked off she wasn’t there for you. Save such decisions and conversations for when you feel calm and can think more clearly. Otherwise, you risk misdirecting your anger or frustration — and possibly damaging an important relationship. Sometimes, you can’t unring the bell.

7. Cut yourself some slack. 

We all have bad days or difficult moments, but they don’t have to rule the day. Take a step back, determine how serious the problem really is, and try to find the humor in it if you can. For instance, last week, I gave my board of directors custom-made “superhero” mugs to thank them for working so hard this past year. When packing my car, I dropped one of the mugs in my driveway and it shattered. That was my mug, so when I passed them out, I joked that I wasn’t quite ready to be elevated to superhero status just yet. 

So try to remember a time when you thought the sky was falling — but you totally nailed it! You’ve probably had way more good days than bad, so try not to sweat this one. You are stronger than you think. 

As HSPs, we know these daily disappointments are going to happen. We can’t avoid them, but we can help ourselves by preparing in advance. Make a list: If this happens, I’ll do A; if that happens, I’ll do B. And so on. That way, when things go to *!@#, like we know they will, you’ll be ready, and the events of the day don’t have to derail you. You’ve got this!

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• How I Deal With Emotional Overload as a Highly Sensitive Person
• A Therapist Explains How Highly Sensitive People Can Tame Perfectionism
• 10 Things That Just Don’t Make Sense to Highly Sensitive People

The post 7 Ways HSPs Can Effectively Deal With Life’s Daily Disappointments appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

When you think of the holidays, what comes to mind? Perhaps images of Christmas trees, menorahs, snow, and lights? What about holiday movies, caroling, and cups of our favorite steaming beverage? Or perhaps, feelings of overwhelm, exhaustion, and chaos? Chances are, if you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you’re familiar with all the above. That being said, there are certain problems around the holidays that HSPs often face. Here are some common ones.

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6 Holiday Problems Only HSPs Will Understand 

1. All the pressure, from gift shopping to endless amounts of small talk

Most people hold the holiday season near and dear to their hearts. And while the holidays are associated with feelings of joy and harmony, this can paradoxically lead to greater pressure for things to be perfect. This is even more true for HSPs due to our people-pleasing nature. 

Unfortunately, the pressure of the holidays can often exacerbate our anxious thoughts and feelings. What gift should I give this person? What if someone else gives it to them? What if they don’t like it? Ugh, another paty I need to attend? I’m so exhausted, but I don’t want to disappoint anyone… They expect me to be interesting while making small talk? How do people do that? Okay, time for me to open this gift– I need to make sure I show them I like it, especially since everyone is watching me. Was my reaction big enough? Was my “Thank you, I love it” good enough? What if they don’t believe me and think I’m grateful and I upset them? 

HSPs want to do our part to make everyone’s holiday experience the best it can be. But this constant pressure can start to weigh on us and detract from our enjoyment of the holiday season.

2. Having to engage in uncomfortable conversations, like “Why are you still single?!”

Most everyone is familiar with the cliché of the family fight during a holiday dinner. Well, clichés are often clichés for a reason. And even if they’re an exaggeration, many folks can relate to engaging in, or at least witnessing, difficult conversations during the holiday season. 

Perhaps there’s something about the merriment that makes your older relatives wonder when you’re going to settle down and get married, have children, get a promotion or another job, develop a cure for cancer… These questions can be awkward and exhausting, especially for us HSPs, who don’t do well with uneasy situations. Not to mention, heated debates about controversial topics, such as politics, religion, even masks and vaccines. Unfortunately, over a year after the 2020 election, we’re still just as divided as ever. And simply by being in the room among these arguments, HSPs can feel the tension to our very core. Speaking of which…

3. Being emotional sponges and soaking up everyone’s emotions 

Between the holiday fights, the screaming children, and everyone’s overall energy, the holidays can be an emotional time. This is challenging for HSPs to navigate, as we are emotional sponges who soak up other people’s feelings. And because all the holiday parties and time with family means more interaction with people, subsequently, HSPs are more susceptible to emotional contagion. (We also have to watch out for emotional vampires who can suck all our energy from us!)

Not to mention, because the holidays are so centered on togetherness and family, this time can also highlight loneliness and exacerbate feelings of loss. Indeed, after almost two years of the COVID-19 pandemic, many of us will be missing our loved ones. Feeling all these feelings can be overwhelming for us HSPs since we’re already emotionally sensitive.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

4. Experiencing way too much environmental stimulation

Due to our sensory processing sensitivity, HSPs are deeply impacted by our environment, making the holidays a particularly strenuous time. Since many of us travel to visit our loved ones, we are outside of our familiar HSP sanctuary. This can be problematic not only because we are in a space that isn’t our own, but also because we have little to no control over factors such as lighting, temperature, scent, noise, and visual stimulation of the area, all of which can significantly contribute to our sense of ease (or lack thereof). 

Even if we stay in our homes, when relatives come to visit, we are still giving up control of our environment when they bring in their belongings, don’t clean up like we would, and don’t follow our household rules, even if unknowingly. Further, the holidays mean more get-togethers, which means more time spent outside of our homes, once again, in environments outside of our control. This much time away from our HSP sanctuaries leads to overstimulation. 

5. Having our schedules change

HSPs thrive having a solid schedule. So when our routine is altered in any way, we are likely to feel thrown off-balance. Traveling for the holidays is time-consuming and leads to jetlag, or at the very least exhaustion from the journey. Since we will have a lot on our holiday to-do list — such as buying gifts, wrapping those gifts, decorating, going to get-togethers (plus time spent getting ready), and preparing for hosting and cleaning up afterwards — we will likely have less time for our usual self-care activities. And with so much to do, sleep will likely be compromised, which is even more essential for HSPs. All of this results in overstimulation. 

6. Just too much to do overall

Speaking of holiday to-do lists, there is simply too much to do over the holidays. All the parties, people, celebrating, travel, and small talk — these can all be an HSP’s worst nightmare. On top of all of this, typically there isn’t adequate time for HSPs to be alone and decompress as we so desperately need to. Our poor sensitive nervous systems are overstimulated and stretched beyond our limits without time to slow down, rest, and recharge, resulting in an “HSP hangover.” And when we are feeling miserable like this, it steals away from what is supposed to be the joy of the holiday season.

Ways to Combat Holiday Stress

Given these holiday problems HSPs are likely to encounter, it is important that we take care of our sensitive souls as best as we can. Here are my therapist-recommended tips on how to best take care of yourself during the holidays.

• Prioritize sleep. Getting enough sleep is crucial for HSPs since our nervous systems need more rest from the overstimulation we experience. Do your best to make sleep a priority by setting boundaries about when you will call it a night and how early you are willing to wake up in the morning.
• Schedule in alone time to do a restorative activity. The constant to-do of the holidays can lead to overwhelm, especially given how much of it is spent with other people. Try to schedule in alone time to decompress while engaging in a restorative activity, such as reading, taking a bath, or meditating. It’s important to remember that we can’t be all things to all people — it’s okay to set boundaries, even during the holidays.
• Try to adhere to your normal schedule as much as possible. Although it’s basically inevitable that the holidays will interfere with our usual routine, it is worth it for HSPs to make an effort to adhere to our schedules as best as possible. This helps to ground us and provide a sense of normalcy.
• Give yourself permission to excuse yourself. When the going gets tough, you don’t have to stay! If someone tries to engage you in a conversation you don’t want to have, politely change the subject or tell them that topic is off-limits. If there is too much stimulation around you, find a place to destimulate alone (perhaps a bathroom, an empty bedroom, or outside). 
• Take advantage of the holiday coziness. Some aspects of the holidays seem as if they were made for HSPs, given the sense of coziness they provide. Light your favorite candle, wrap up in a warm blanket, listen to the crackling of a fireplace, enjoy a cup of hot chocolate or apple cider, or bundle up for a walk in the snow.
• Utilize holiday movies for get-togethers. With the abundance of get-togethers, it is nice when we can make them more low-key. Watching movies is a less stimulating activity, and most holiday films are HSP-friendly, as most are not known to be action-packed or violent (unless you’re one of those folks who counts Die Hard…) Some favorites include It’s a Wonderful Life for a hopeful message, Elf for a good laugh, and The Muppet Christmas Carol for nostalgia.
• If traveling, bring objects that remind you of home. Because traveling means we won’t be in our HSP sanctuaries, bringing items from our homes can help ground us and provide a sense of calm. This might include a cherished photo, a relaxing essential oil, or your favorite foods.
• Have a buffer day. Since most of the holidays are dedicated to being with others and doing activities, before you go back to work, try to set aside a day to just be. (You’ll probably have an “emotional hangover” and will need this alone time.) This means if you are traveling, arrive home two days before you resume your job in order to provide yourself with a buffer day. This gives you more time to readjust, unpack, run errands, do chores, plus breathe and relax. 

The holidays are a special time of year, but they can also bring stress and unique problems for HSPs. Learning how to get through them as a sensitive person is essential in being able to access the joy of this season. 

You might like:

• 10 Things HSPs Dread About the Holidays
• 4 Ways to Navigate the Holidays as a Highly Sensitive Person
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The post 6 Holiday Problems Only HSPs Will Understand appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Sleep is a basic human physiological function and one that’s crucial for our health. And when you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you need more sleep than others — all the overstimulation we HSPs experience all day catches up to us. 

Research hypothesizes that sleep may be necessary for restoration, as well as processing the day and enhancing our immune response. Since we’ve evolved to spend almost a third of our life asleep, you’d think it’d be easy to come by — but it seems that’s often not the case. 

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that adults get at least seven hours of sleep per night. And research shows that sleep deprivation can have short- and long-term health consequences. These include everything from increased stress and emotional distress to longer-term effects, like hypertension and cardiovascular disease.

But certain elements of modern life aren’t conducive to sleep — and you can probably relate. From our stressful environments to our lifestyles, there are many factors which can contribute to poor sleep and insomnia. From the blue light of our devices and TVs to our busy schedules, our mind and body are constantly stimulated. So what do we HSPs do when the racing thoughts just won’t stop? 

How to Reduce Racing HSP Thoughts 

As a highly sensitive person, I’ve always been a light sleeper, the slightest noise can coax me from slumber. Nevertheless, until the uncertainty of the pandemic, I’d generally managed to fall asleep after an hour or so and sleep around 7-8 hours. 

But, more recently, sleep hadn’t come as easily. I frequently took almost two hours to fall asleep, and when I did, rest was fitful and I often woke up several times a night.    

During those times, my mind was a constant stream of overthinking. HSPs become stressed easily and external stimuli can overwhelm us. With a rush of thoughts at a time when our bodies need rest, our capacity for sleep is reduced and our quality of sleep diminishes. 

Without good quality sleep, my mood began to dip and small tasks became large mountains. After a few days of inconsistent sleep resulted in migraine, I knew I had to do something to help myself.

How to Regulate the Nervous System 

Due to sensory processing sensitivity, the HSP nervous system works differently than that of non-HSPs. We know that the HSP’s depth of processing is at work, even after the event. This means that we may be processing events or emotions from days ago — even at rest.

I find my mind races with thoughts after a day of  socializing with friends or after an important meeting at work. Racing thoughts serve to keep our stress response engaged, which in turn keeps our breathing elevated. 

Our breathing is regulated by the autonomic nervous system and is an unconscious process, along with heart rate, digestion, and other bodily system controls. Breathing sets off a whole host of changes in the body that promotes rest or stress. The vagus nerve has an important part to play here, as it sends signals to the autonomic nervous system — which slows down or speeds up our breathing.

The simplest way to calm down our body is to breathe slowly. I’d read enough about stress and anxiety to know that deep breathing is key to stress reduction and feeling more grounded. But I’d never considered the importance of breathing for the benefit of sleep. 

How to Breathe to Promote Calm

There’s a growing body of research on the effects of breathing on our health. In James Nestor’s book, Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, he states that 90 percent of us are breathing incorrectly and that this is at the root of a host of ailments. Although breathing is automatic, there are things we can do to optimize this crucial life force.

I came across Charlie Morley’s book,Wake Up to Sleep, after reading about it in a magazine. My interest was immediately piqued when I read that his techniques have been proven to help reduce anxiety and improve sleep quality in 87 percent of participants. 

A lucid dream expert, Morley is an authoritative voice, having developed mindful sleep techniques originally for military veterans and those suffering from stress- or trauma-affected sleep patterns. His methods mix mindfulness-based techniques with breathwork — and focus on regulating the nervous system. They can help anyone, whether or not they’ve been affected by trauma. 

Research also supports the importance of slow breathing for the benefit of the mind and body.  I was also surprised to learn from Morley that most of us take 15 breaths per minute — and that this is enough of a signal to convince our nervous system that we’re in danger. Surely I didn’t breathe that quickly? Yet even in my calm and relaxed state, after timing my breaths, I can report that I do indeed breathe 15 times a minute. 

I was ready to learn more about how breathwork could improve my sleep. Here are a few tips on how changing your breathing can help you sleep better. 

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3 Ways to Change the Way You Breathe as an HSP

1. Slow down your breathing.

Coherent breathing is a breathing practice that slows the breath to around five breaths per minute by taking equal inhales and equal exhales. Breathwork has been used for years in many different cultures, notably in Eastern practices. While it can be done as part of a yoga practice or meditation, it is also effective on its own. 

The aim of coherent breathing is to “get our ANS (autonomic nervous system) in balance,” Morley says, and activate a division of the ANS, known as the parasympathetic nervous system. Breathing around five breaths per minute synchronizes the electrical rhythms of the heart, lungs, and brain, causing the body to be both relaxed and alert. 

I followed Morley’s coherent breathing practice before bed for two weeks. After those two weeks, my sleep was transformed. Two changes were striking — the length of time it took for me to fall asleep decreased and my quality of sleep increased. 

On average, it only took me 20-40 minutes to fall asleep, which was much better than my usual almost two hours. The most dramatic result was that I was now sleeping for seven hours and feeling refreshed, whereas I’d previously needed nine hours of sleep to experience that same well-rested feeling. 

Coherent breathing is a simple way to help your body relax. To begin with, try it for 15 minutes a day. Breathing in this way may feel very alien at first, but it’s worth persevering and building in 20-30 minutes of this breathwork technique per day over the course of a month to really notice the benefits. 

Morley suggests you follow a coherent breathing guided audio or video online, although you can do the technique without it, as well. Here’s what Morley advises:

• Breathe in slowly for a count of 6. 
• Breathe out slowly for a count of 6. 
• Repeat for as long as you need.

Then prepare to feel calm and relaxed!

2. Make sure you close your mouth.

Morley also advises to close your mouth and breathe through your nose when it comes to an important aspect of our sleep. This impacts everything from the amount of oxygen we breathe in to the quality of our breathing itself.

Morley tells us that breathing through our nose is better for us. “The nose has a three-layer filtration system made up of nasal hairs which help stop dirt and debris entering the nose, plus a mucus membrane, which catches dust and bacteria… and microscopic hairs called cilia, which help move mucus along the respiratory tract and further filter out the bad stuff.”

Nasal breathing also increases the vacuum in our lungs, which “allows us to draw in 20 percent more oxygen than breathing through the mouth,” he says.

Morley says we should breathe through our nose as much as possible during the day, which increases our likelihood of doing so at night, too. It’s like training ourselves to breathe differently until it becomes second nature. A couple things to note:

• Notice when you might be breathing through your mouth and correct it by closing the mouth and breathing through the nose instead. 
• Spend some time on conscious breathwork each day to increase your awareness of the benefits of nasal breathing. 

For an in-depth look at the benefits of nasal breathing, check out Patrick McKeown’s book, Close Your Mouth: Buteyko Breathing Clinic Self-Help Manual. In it, McKeown explores the multiple effects of closed-mouth breathing on various aspects of our health, from our oxygen intake to our dental health. 

3. Breathe fully (in order to use your whole lung capacity). 

Most of us don’t breathe fully or use the whole of our lung capacity. When we’re feeling stressed, we’re more likely to take shallow breaths, which are located in the chest area. In doing this, we activate our stress response. 

But Morley says that expanding our lungs ensures that breathing can happen more effectively. He cites a 30-year study carried out by New York State University on 1,000 participants. It showed that larger lungs means longer life, and that lung capacity is one of the greatest indicators of longevity. 

And, as I am proof of, the effects of not breathing fully can show up in restless sleep and insomnia. This is where slow, deep breathing can help. Coherent breathing is useful here, as well as ensuring we’re taking full, slow breaths by using our diaphragm. Here’s what you need to do:

• Either seated or lying down, place one hand on your chest and one hand on your stomach.  Breathe normally. At this stage, we don’t want to change how we breathe; we just need to see how you’re breathing. 

• When you breathe in, notice where your hand feels movement (either in the chest area or the stomach area).

• If you feel movement in the chest area, it’s likely you’re using the top portion of your lungs and could benefit from deepening your breathing. 

• When you breathe in slowly, your stomach should expand as you take in air to your lungs. When you breathe out, the stomach should fall. 

The benefits of diaphragmatic breathing  include helping you relax by deactivating the stress response, increasing lung capacity, and increasing the oxygen in your bloodstream. And anything that causes you to relax is good news for your sleep, especially as a highly sensitive soul. Adjusting our breathing is an essential thing to keep in our HSP mental health toolbox.

By understanding how the effect of stress and overstimulation can impact our sleep, we can begin to help prime our highly sensitive body for sleep using the simple power of the breath.  Easy, right? Here’s wishing you sweet dreams…

You might like:

• Why Highly Sensitive People May Need More Sleep Than Others
• HSP Brains Process Everything Deeply, Even at Rest, Study Finds
• Here’s Everything Researchers Know About High Sensitivity, as of 2021

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The post HSPs, Are Racing Thoughts Preventing You From Sleeping? It Might Be Time to Change How You Breathe appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

There are many positives to being a highly sensitive person (HSP). Some are less obvious than others and some remain hidden to the outside world. But what if all the non-HSPs around us knew just what we HSPs bring to the table, in all sorts of situations? 

HSPs have valuable traits and skills that benefit everyone around us — like our heightened intuition and the way we can read how others are feeling before they even utter a word. But there are particular situations where we truly come into our own. Here are 11 of those times. 

11 Moments Where You Really, Really Need an HSP

1. When a fire alarm goes off

Pre-empting danger is an HSP superpower. When that fire alarm goes off, you’ll be glad there’s a highly sensitive person around. We know exactly where the nearest fire escape is located. That notice on the back of the hotel door detailing what to do in an emergency? The one you ignored? We’ve studied it in detail between showering and coming down for dinner. Just in case. So be sure to follow us if that fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and you’re stumbling around all sleepy eyed looking for safety. 

2. When an innovative solution is needed

HSPs are skilled in right brain thinking — we thrive on being able to hone in on an issue and put our problem-solving skills to the ultimate test. Our complex inner lives help us to tap into our creativity — and that translates into creative solutions for you. And be assured, our minds are always on the go mulling over issues, like a hamster on a wheel. In short, we are problem solvers extraordinaire… as long as you give us ample space and time to consider the matter at hand.

3. When you need a reminder that the small things matter, too

HSPs notice the details and thrive on the beauty of the little things around us: the wonder of drops of dew on the lush green leaves on a morning walk, the miracle of a deep crimson sky as the sun sets for the day, the simple joy a favorite piece of music evokes, the smile from a loved one as you enter a room, or a hug that soothes your soul. Even if it is just for a minute. We all get lost in our to-do lists and daily lives — and sometimes need a reminder that the small things may well be the things that matter most.

4. When you need to get things done

You don’t have to tell an HSP twice to get something done. If there’s something sensitive people are, it’s conscientious. Quite simply, we don’t like the consequences of not finishing an assigned task. If the environment is conducive to concentrating, then an HSP will get the job done. As the mother of two HSP middle schoolers, this trait is a godsend when it comes to getting that homework done. As a bonus, if the task relates to a cause that a highly sensitive person cares about, we require little supervision or external motivation. We will get it done.

5. When you need emotional support

When you are in need of a listening ear, then an HSP is there for you. Empathetic is our middle name. We pick up the emotional and non-verbal signals and body language, i.e., all the words you don’t say so you can’t hide emotions from us. We feel the mood in a room and soak up emotions like a sponge. We are invested. It is in our nature to offer a shoulder to lean, or cry, on when things are tough. Don’t ask us to fix your problems for you (that puts too much of a burden on us).But if a listening ear is what you need, then we are there for you. 

6. When you need to make an important decision

If thorough consideration, reflection, and a dash of intuition is what you need, then approach a highly sensitive soul for help. When we make decisions, we don’t make them lightly. You can be sure that we have considered every single pro and every single con — and carefully weighed them up against each other. We have truly considered every outcome. We mull over possible consequences prior to acting. We also remember previous mistakes, process them, and use the learnings to avoid similar mistakes in the future. Conversely, if you want a quick, impulsive decision, don’t come to us.

7. When you need someone to consider the meaning of life with you

We will happily be your sparring partner when it comes to discussing things that really matter: the injustice of it all, climate problems, inequality, our place in the world. What is our purpose? Why are we here? Spiritual matters occupy a space in our heads continually. It doesn’t mean we are religious, but the big complex issues facing the human race are definitely on our preferred conversation topic lists. The hefty challenges facing humanity matter deeply to us. Are you interested in small talk? No thanks.

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8. When you need the errors weeded out

HSPs are perceptive. Tasks that require high attention to detail are tasks made just for us. We see mistakes without looking for them — they seem to jump out at us on a page. We’re the people that can’t just overlook and forgive an error in the book we’re reading; we’re scouring for contact details and emailing the publisher so they can sort it out for the next edition. (That’s not just me, right?) We see errors as if there’s a flashing neon arrow pointing to them. We spot them so you can sidestep them. (You’re welcome.)

9. When you need a good party organizer

We revel in spreading joy and excitement. HSPs like to make others feel good. Situations where people can be together and experience happiness? We are there for you. Attention to detail, anticipating the needs of others, tapping into the emotions of others, thorough planning so that nothing is left to chance, and checking the details, not just once or twice, but meticulously — all skills that make us excellent party organizers. Just please don’t organize a big surprise celebration for us in return.

10. When you need a leader

For all the reasons above, HSPs make effective leaders. As empathetic listeners, HSPs lead with heart and soul and understand the needs of others. They also encourage team members to make valuable contributions and ensure that all voices are heard within a team. Because these are things that genuinely matter to an HSP in the workplace. On the other hand, if you are looking for a leader that dedicates themselves to office politics, lacks ethics, and puts profit first at the expense of people, then put that HSP to the bottom of your selection list.

11. When you need a friend… for life

Quality over quantity: that’s the HSP motto when it comes to friendship. Once you have truly been let into a HSP’s inner circle, you are there for life. Need somebody that seems to know what you are thinking? Has your back when you need support? Makes you feel heard and appreciated? Provides a listening ear and an insightful response? That’s a highly sensitive person. When the friendship is genuine, you get to see the real version of your highly sensitive friend. And that is something special indeed. 

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• 14 Reasons Why I’m Thankful for Being a Highly Sensitive Person
• Why I Love Being Highly Sensitive And You Can, Too
• 18 Things That Fill Highly Sensitive People With Joy

The post 11 Moments When You Really, Really Need an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Complex. Deep thinking. Intellectually gifted. These are just some of the traits of a rainforest mind (RFM). People with RFMs may prefer a good read to a rousing day at the football stadium. They draw accurate conclusions when everyone else is lollygagging. They’re at the intellectual finish line when others are just leaving the starting gate.

Many RFMs are highly sensitive people. They are capable and perceptive. They are thorough, curious, and creative. They analyze the implications of trends on social media when their friends are preoccupied with, well, reality TV. They are scuba diving through life when others are simply water skiing.

Unfortunately, RFMs are often misunderstood. Their coworkers would benefit from their insights if only they could realize that it’s insight. But others don’t understand the RFM’s creative leaps — and it gets tiring to constantly fill in the blanks. So, RFMs might sound unreasonable or weird. They’re called “overthinkers” or “drama queens.” Or both.

Sound familiar? You might be a highly sensitive person with a rainforest mind. To learn more, see my post, 12 Signs You’re an HSP With a ‘Rainforest Mind.’

You Are Overwhelmed and Underwhelmed at the Same Time

If you have an RFM, you may experience a sense of being out-of-sync with friends, family, and coworkers. As odd as it sounds, on many occasions, you might feel both overwhelmed and underwhelmed.

Let me explain.

Being a highly sensitive person, you are easily overwhelmed. Due to your wiring, you process and feel things deeply. And life is full of potentially overwhelming experiences. “Little” things that others brush off are magnified — strong fragrances, leaf blowers, bad architecture, buzzing that no one else hears, noisy chewers, unexpected weather events, houses painted orange, rock concerts, the problem of homelessness, the news, violent images, groups of more than one, unimaginable beauty, great kindness, the night sky, others’ intense emotions, others’ subtle emotions, premonitions, responsibility to save the world.

To name a few.

If you have a rainforest mind, you are often analyzing and synthesizing ideas more deeply than your non-RFM cohorts. You may not have realized that this means you are also often underwhelmed. This may have begun in school when you already knew the material that was being presented. You were an eager learner in the beginning, but if your teachers didn’t notice your advanced skills, you may have spent much time disillusioned and bored in school.

And now, as an adult, you may still find yourself in situations where you need to slow your speech or adapt your vocabulary. You may find that people can’t keep up with you or that it takes them a long time to grasp what you’re talking about. They tune you out when you are just getting started. At your job, meetings may feel intolerable if you have the answers and need to wait for others to catch up. You may find yourself spending a lot of time waiting. You are underwhelmed.

So what can you do?

7 Tips to Help With Overwhelm and Underwhelm

1. Just because you have lots of skills and abilities doesn’t mean you have to step in and rescue others.

Or take that terrible job. Or say yes to every request. Even though you may feel guilty at first, it would be impossible for you to do everything you are capable of. So let yourself be selective. (Here are some tips to say no effectively.)

2. Boundaries, limits, and alone time are crucial to nourish yourself.

If you take care of yourself, you’ll be better able to help when the situation is appropriate. Practice this phrase when someone (including your child) asks for something: “Oh. Interesting. Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.” Then, take a breath and think about it.

3. Find intellectual stimulation.

If you are frustrated at your workplace or at school, give yourself permission to find intellectual stimulation in a way that won’t draw uncomfortable attention. Use your creativity to find ways to entertain yourself in the dull moments. Knit at meetings or do the NY Times crossword. Bring a book everywhere you go. Daydream. Look for the humor in a situation. Give yourself permission to find careers that have variety, challenge, and creativity so that you won’t be bored. Change jobs when you need to. Start writing your memoir.

If you are wanting to change the culture in your workplace, get a copy of Rebels At Work and join their community. The authors, Medina and Kelly, write and talk about ways sensitive, creative, complex thinkers can work to change the system from within the organization. You will see that you are not alone and that change is possible.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

4. If you are a parent, it’s especially important that you know your limits and take time for self-care.

Your highly sensitive soul will need to take breaks. If you make time for rest and self-nourishment, your child will benefit.  If you have a highly sensitive rainforest-minded child, you may need some extra guidance. These children can be very verbal, energetic, and intense. When they enter school, you may need to be very involved if they are advanced academically. This can be draining. Look for books by Mary Kurcinka for parenting suggestions. For guidance around schooling, this post might help.

5. Meet other RFMs.

Because rainforest-minded humans can be hard to find, you may feel lonely and a sense of extreme underwhelmedness when you look for friends or partners. Find activities that appeal to you through meetup.com. Join an online group such as intergifted.com. Start your own meetup group, book group, astronomical society, or online community.

6. Learn the Argentine tango.

Yes, really! The tango is the perfect dance for RFMs. It requires sensitivity, intensity, creativity, and intuition. All of the things you have plenty of. You will not be underwhelmed. This is a tough dance to learn. And, yet, it is worth it. You will be moving with one person at a time, engaged in an in-depth, beautiful conversation, and no words need be spoken. If dancing isn’t your thing, you might try organizing a silent reading party or joining The School of Life global community.

7. Read my blog to gain more self-understanding and strategies for self-care.

Join many of my readers commenting on the posts and see what others are saying. Read my book for case studies of sensitive people in therapy and for a more detailed look at how having a rainforest mind may mean that you struggle with perfectionism, relationships, empathy, and a deep sense of social responsibility.

Above all, dear RFM, remember…

It is normal for you to be both overwhelmed and underwhelmed because of your smart, effervescent, multidimensional, perceptive, sensitive, rainforest mind. Managing your rainforest mind isn’t easy. All of those mosquitoes, monkeys, and tangled vines. It is a very, very, busy place.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

You might like:

• 12 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person With a ‘Rainforest Mind’
• Dear Friends, I Love You, But I Just Can’t Go Out Tonight. Sincerely, an HSP
• The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Saying No

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Overwhelmed and Underwhelmed? You Might Have a Rainforest Mind appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

“I think it might be in your head,” my new gastroenterologist said to me as he pressed on my stomach. I winced in pain. “Are you sure you aren’t just stressed out?” he asked.

Tears started welling up in my eyes. He was the second gastroenterologist who’d told me this. “No, I know there’s something wrong with me. I’m sick every day,” I said quietly.

Unable to find the issue, he sent me home that day without a diagnosis. I remember calling my mom that night in tears. “No one knows what’s wrong with me,” I cried. “I’m starting to think I’ll never feel normal again.”

This exchange with the gastroenterologist took place before I learned I was a highly sensitive person (HSP). It was before I discovered, months later, that my mysterious stomach issues were very real and caused by SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth). It was before I understood the impact a sensitive nervous system can have on a person’s health.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t yet learned how to advocate for my needs. In fact, I didn’t really know what my needs were, so I’d gone to many doctors who didn’t quite know how to help me either.

Julie Bjelland, a psychotherapist and sensitivity expert, is passionate about empowering highly sensitive people. She believes one of the most important ways we HSPs can do that is by learning to advocate for our needs. Bjelland told me that she’s seen too many HSPs go through situations similar to mine, or worse, as a result of their medical team not understanding their sensitivity. 

Believe it or not, many medical professionals are unfamiliar with the trait of high sensitivity — so, as a result, doctors’ visits are different for highly sensitive people.That’s why Bjelland created a form letter for HSPs to share with their medical practitioners as a way to explain the trait to them.

Otherwise, this disconnect can result in HSPs being misunderstood, misdiagnosed, or even improperly medicated. That’s why, when we HSPs take our needs into our own hands, we not only feel more empowered, but we also receive the treatment that’s best for us. And telling our medical practitioners — doctors, therapists, you name it — that we’re HSPs is the first step.  

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

What Exactly Is High Sensitivity and How Does It Make Medical Care Different?

High Sensitivity is also scientifically known as sensory processing sensitivity. People with the trait of high sensitivity have highly sensitive nervous systems and are deeply affected by subtleties in their environment. Due to their highly sensitive nervous systems, they have a tendency to get overstimulated by things like bright lights, itchy clothing tags, or loud noises, to name a few.

Most highly sensitive people will probably tell you they’ve always felt different than their less sensitive counterparts. HSPs tend to shy away from small talk, preferring deep, meaningful conversations. They also find themselves needing more sleep, alone time, and space between social engagements.

In our daily lives, most of us HSPs understand what we need. We know we enjoy more downtime, space, and quiet than most people. But, what about when it comes to our medical care? Speaking from my own experience, at least, I didn’t understand that being an HSP affected the type of medical care I needed, too.

Bjelland explains how the HSP brain is different and why this affects us. “We even have brain differences that impact us in different ways,” she says. “For example, there is more activation in the amygdala that can activate the fight/flight part of the brain, causing anxiety and even panic attacks for some. There is more depth of processing and more data input into the entire system.”    

She says this is also a sensory processing sensitivity; in other words, that an overloaded nervous system can cause many symptoms that practitioners might misinterpret and misdiagnose. “If a practitioner understands this and can teach their patients/clients ways of reducing this overload naturally, they will have better outcomes,” she says. 

Can you imagine how this would change medical appointments for us HSPs for the better?

A natural method Bjelland uses with HSP clients to help get rid of their anxiety is brain training. She teaches them how to activate calming centers that deactivate their stress centers and has seen improvement within just 1-2 weeks. “Many clients have come to me suffering years of issues,” she says. “Within weeks, they feel better using these methods and understanding why they are the way they are.”

Highly Sensitive People Are Often Misunderstood by Their Medical Practitioners    

If you’re a highly sensitive person, you know that we tend to be more sensitive to pain (both emotional and physical) than non-HSPs. This comes with the territory of being highly sensitive, right? We seem to feel everything more deeply than others — which is both a blessing and a curse. Because of this, we may feel misunderstood, or even judged, when we react strongly to pain that may be “not that bad” for someone else.

In the same way that many HSPs try to mask their sensitive nature to fit in at social situations, we may try to hide our sensitivity when it comes to our health, as well.

In her book, The Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Elaine Aron explains that because we HSPs are extraordinarily aware of subtle physical changes, this may sound off “false alarms” when it comes to our health. Many of us can relate to going to the doctor when we’ve noticed something off in our bodies, only to hear that it’s “all in our head.”

Being dismissed in this way can cause HSPs to feel self-conscious or embarrassed about seeing a doctor in the future. To avoid seeming like we’re “overreacting,” we may begin to wait until our symptoms become dangerous before finally getting medical attention.

I remember feeling wildly misunderstood and alone in my journey with digestive issues. I knew I had these symptoms, yet there wasn’t a doctor who could diagnose me. In understanding my sensitivity today, I can now see that I was acutely aware of the shifts taking place in my body.

Bjelland says I may have felt those shifts in my body because HSPs have more activation in the insula part of the brain, the area that gives them an incredible amount of early somatic information. “HSPs often have the gift of being aware of symptoms before they even show up on tests, and that means they can catch problems early and have better outcomes medically,” she says. “They need practitioners who believe them and know about this higher level of awareness.”

Being a highly sensitive person is a delicate dance of getting to know ourselves, trusting ourselves, and then having the wherewithal to advocate for ourselves. Things are simply a little bit different for us. And since we HSPs make up only about 20 percent of the population, the majority of people around us won’t understand our sensitivity trait, so it’s important that we tell them about it. Especially the people whose medical care we are in.

Depending on the situation, of course, natural remedies are often a great place to start for highly sensitive people seeking medical treatment. Because, as you may have guessed, HSPs tend to be more sensitive to medication, too. This means that if a doctor doesn’t understand our sensitive system, there’s a possible risk of being overmedicated.

Bjelland experienced the danger of this in her own life. She told me, “Many sensitive adults and children have been given inaccurate diagnoses and improperly and dangerously medicated,” she says. “When I was younger, before I knew about the trait, I’d been improperly medicated and suffered serious side effects that almost cost me my life.”

From a therapeutic standpoint, Bjelland has found that even the most simple, natural remedies work really well for HSPs. She says, “Simply spending more time in nature and daily quiet alone time with sensory breaks is the greatest medicine for most HSPs and natural, with no side effects! I have had countless therapists tell me they finally understand how to help their clients after they learn about the trait.”

From a personal standpoint, I can attest to the power of natural remedies for HSPs. In my journey with digestive issues, I finally found healing when I began working with a holistic practitioner who understood my sensitive needs. With his guidance, I learned the proper diet, supplements, and stress-reduction tactics to support my system in order to heal. Some of my favorite stress-reduction tactics are guided meditations, gentle yoga, and simply spending time in nature. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

How to Explain High Sensitivity to Your Medical Team

For HSPs, the thought of explaining our sensitivity trait to a well-trained medical professional might feel daunting. Who am I to tell them? we might be thinking. Remember, though, being an empowered HSP means advocating for our needs! We can also make this explanation much easier by utilizing the form letter created by Bjelland.

In addition to sharing the form letter with our medical team, Bjelland has some tips on how to best approach this conversation. “I believe that going about it as if you are educating them about something important is helpful,” she says. And the language you use is also important. 

She recommends saying something like:

“Have you heard about the trait of high sensitivity that 20 percent of the population has? It’s also called Sensory Process Sensitivity. You have probably noticed about 1 out of 4 or 5 patients seem more sensitive in different areas. I wanted to give you this letter so you could understand me better, because I believe it’s essential for you to know about the trait to provide me with the best care.”

If you’re explaining your trait to your therapist — or another type of medical professional — you can share a similar sentiment. It also may be helpful to note that, according to Bjelland, at least half of the people in therapy are likely to have the trait of high sensitivity. With this in mind, your sharing about this trait may help their other clients, too!

As highly sensitive people, we have an opportunity for so much personal growth when we’re informed about the way our unique systems work. Speaking from personal experience, my years with digestive issues were some of the hardest of my life, but they also gifted me the most growth. They taught me how to listen to my body, trust myself, and advocate for my needs. I’m happy to share that, today, digestive issues are no longer a part of my life.

When we learn how to advocate for ourselves, we step into an empowered space. Learning how to speak up for ourselves not only improves our lives, but it inspires the other highly sensitive people around us to do the same.

Click here to download Julie Bjelland’s letter to medical practitioners that explains high sensitivity.

Want to learn how to reduce stress and thrive as a highly sensitive person? We recommend Julie Bjelland’s online courses for HSPs. Click here to learn more.

You might like:

• Why Doctor Visits Really Are Different for Highly Sensitive People
• 9 Ways I Manage My Chronic Illness as a Highly Sensitive Person
• Why Verbal Communication Can Be Difficult for Quiet HSPs — and How to Change That

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Should You Tell Your Medical Providers That You’re an HSP? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

When I asked our social media audience of over 200,000 highly sensitive people what it means to be sensitive, many of the responses were extremely positive. HSPs view their sensitivity as a superpower, and they gave examples of how it made them better friends, spouses, professionals, and leaders. For a lot of people, being sensitive is a gift.

But there was also a darker side that came out. For every response that emphasized the benefits of high sensitivity, there was one (or more) that talked about pain. And highly sensitive people, who process stimulation deeply, feel pain as keenly as a human soul can.

That doesn’t change the fact that being a highly sensitive person is normal and healthy — and there are definitely ways for HSPs to thrive. But the reality is, HSPs may feel the highs higher and the lows lower. And since HSPs are also pretty misunderstood by those around them, the result is that being sensitive can be both a blessing and a curse.

Here are 13 of the challenges HSPs described that come with being sensitive, and four rays of hope I’d like to offer based on HSPs who overcame that pain.

Noticing everything, weeping at the drop of a hat, feeling far too deeply… I get easily overwhelmed by those around me. It can be an avalanche.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

What Is the ‘Curse’ of Being Highly Sensitive?

Why exactly is being sensitive (sometimes) so hard? Here are answers from real highly sensitive people:

• “Being sensitive is like being a walking nerve ending.”
• “I’m only ever as relaxed as the most unrelaxed person in the room.”
• “I care way too much about what other people think and feel, and what they see if they look at me.”
• “The things I observe bring up unpleasant or painful feelings in others that they don’t want to feel… and because they don’t want to feel, they shame me for feeling.”
• “Noticing everything, weeping at the drop of a hat, feeling far too deeply… I get easily overwhelmed by those around me, whether family, friends, or strangers out in public. It can be an avalanche.”
• “If I get asked for a favor and don’t want to do it, I start getting a bad stomachache. I get heavy breathing and anxiety.”
• “It used to mean I cried under stressful circumstances or from words that shouldn’t have hurt me. Now I realize it’s also the reason that I feel deeply for those in my life and what propels me to be kind to them, do things for them, and make sure they’re looked after.”
• “It means sensory overload and [being] so emotional.”
• “It does mean crying a lot (but with therapy I’ve gotten better) but it also means for me, when there’s a lot going on around me, it’s hard to concentrate; all I want is to be away from the stimuli. [And] I have a challenging time making new connections since most people like that noisy atmosphere to meet new friends, like bars or social events.”
• “A life of intensity… the good is really good, and the bad is really bad. There is very little middle ground.”
• “I feel embarrassed and like a horrible person because I’m forever asking people to turn the volume down, point the fan away from me, turn the temperature (up? down? more moderate, anyway), and rushing out of stores with room fragrances.”
• “I need a ‘life’ button to turn down.”
• “A life of emotional pain.”

These HSPs aren’t alone in how they feel. Many highly sensitive people struggle with similar pain points every single day — and for some, the world can seem harsh and simply “too much.” But we know that being a highly sensitive person is NOT a disorder, and that it can actually be an incredible source of strength and wellbeing. So how do you turn your sensitivity into a blessing rather than a curse?

How to Turn Your High Sensitivity into a ‘Blessing’

1. It actually does get better.

If you’re a younger highly sensitive person, you need to know that things will get better. Being sensitive is (usually) not as hard once you develop into your late 20s, 30s and beyond.

There are a lot of reasons why. Part of it is peer group — once you’re out of school, the people around you are a lot less likely to be openly cruel or mock you. Believe me, that’s a godsend.

And it takes time to develop the strategies you’ll use to manage your sensitivity. It does take management sometimes — and lots of self-care — and that’s okay! You’re a finely tuned instrument designed to sense and feel practically everything. It’s normal to get stressed, overwhelmed, and sometimes even crash…. and years of experience will teach you the ways to avoid or minimize that. I promise.

Also: parents are a thing. Many families are clueless about what to do with a highly sensitive person, and they have a huge role in your life even through your 20s. The results can range from simply unhelpful to outright emotional neglect.

2. It’s okay to back away from toxic people.

There may be no greater lesson a highly sensitive person can learn! HSPs can be natural targets for narcissists and bullies, because, according to psychologist Deborah Ward, they “are highly empathetic and care deeply about others, sympathizing with their troubles. They are sensitive to other people’s feelings and often feel the urge to help.”

And that’s a good trait, but it’s not healthy to allow it to be abused. Your happiness and wellbeing will change by orders of magnitude if you back away from toxic people. That doesn’t have to mean a dramatic “friend breakup” or even telling them you’re doing it. It simply means making a purposeful choice to spend less time with them.

Of course, this is easiest to do in social situations, and harder to do with your family or someone at work. Which brings me to….

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

3. Setting boundaries is a game-changer.

Often, highly sensitive people have a hard time saying no. After all, as extremely empathetic people, it really hurts to disappoint someone or let them down.

But setting boundaries is not a disappointment. Boundaries are not walls or dividers — they’re simply a list of what is okay (and not okay) with you. Effective boundary-setting comes down to two things: it’s clear and it’s compassionate yet firm. Both of these can seem daunting, but when you learn to do it, it can be effective even with a boss, relative, or someone else you know you have be around.

You can learn more about how to set boundaries as an HSP here.

4. Therapy is personal-growth rocket fuel for HSPs.

I’ve never met a group of people who seem to get more out of therapy — and enjoy it more — than highly sensitive people. Even the most well-adjusted HSP experiences strong emotions and overwhelm from time to time, and when you factor in that some HSPs are also prone to anxiety, therapy is a powerful tool.

Going to therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s taking control of your life and owning your personality, with all of its rare, wonderful, sensitive parts. In therapy, you can learn techniques to overcome shame and self-doubt, deal with criticism, and deal with “floods” of emotions — among many others. In fact, many HSPs are therapists themselves, including many of the authors on this site.

You might like:

• 5 Essential Things to Tell Your Therapist If You’re Highly Sensitive
• 20 Self-Care Ideas for Highly Sensitive People
• The Challenges of Being an HSP in a Relationship With a Non-HSP

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post The ‘Blessing’ and ‘Curse’ of Being a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Is it just me, or does everything stink?

I’m kidding. But if you’re a highly sensitive person like me, you’re probably nodding your head in agreement (at least on some level) right now. That’s because many — perhaps most — HSPs are sensitive to smells.

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are the 15 to 20 percent of the population whose nervous systems process stimuli very deeply. That doesn’t just mean smells — we’re more sensitive to lights, sounds, and textures. We notice the subtle expressions on people’s faces or an almost imperceptible change in their tone of voice. We even process emotions and ideas very deeply, making us natural creatives and highly empathetic.

But it all comes at a cost, and when your sensitivity includes smells, that cost often means living in a world that is loaded with too-powerful scents.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

What It’s Like Being Sensitive to Smells

If you’re highly sensitive, you already know what I’m talking about because you have likely experienced fragrance sensitivity yourself. But if you aren’t, or you need help explaining the idea to friends or coworkers, here’s a look at my typical day as someone who is sensitive to smells.

As soon as I step out of bed in the morning, I’m inundated with smells. Some of the smells are good ones, because like many HSPs, I’ve carefully cultivated every feature in my home to be exactly as I want it. For instance, I breathe deeply in the steamy shower, refreshed by the delicately-scented shampoo I’ve chosen. Later, the simple, comforting aroma of coffee drifts through the kitchen as I pack my lunch. A single spritz of perfume is all I need — or want — to further brighten my morning. These smells, experienced one at a time and at my own pace, are never overwhelming. In fact, they add a bright drop of beauty to my day.

But then, I step outside.

It’s immediately obvious that my neighbor, who lives four houses away, has already enjoyed a cigar this morning. I smell its remnants in my carport. Yuck. Who needs to have a cigar at 6 a.m., anyway? I plop myself into my car, only to discover evidence of my husband’s late-night run for burgers and fries. Did he leave a wrapper behind, one might ask? No, he did not. I can tell he went out because the scent of meat and vegetable oil left in the car is as strong to my nose, 12 hours later, as if the bag of fast food was still right beside me.

Annoyed, I arrive at work, sure that I smell like a cheeseburger. Work is where the real fun begins. I am a receptionist in a small medical office. My desk is comfortable, but I am in uncomfortably close contact with each patient. Each inhalation will reveal if the person standing in front of me has just finished a cigarette, whether or not they’ve been outside a lot that day, or if they’ve used fabric softener. I want to tell one patient he should have a contractor come out and check his house for leaks, because he smells like a musty basement. Another patient, bless her heart, must have neglected to change her cat’s litter for several days. She reeks of it.

My only saving grace is that my desk sits perpendicular to the suite door. My boss doesn’t mind if I keep the door cracked. The fresh air from the hallway helps to neutralize the smells that people track in with them. It’s literally the only reason I haven’t pushed my desk upside-down in rage from the constant, varying odors.

What Is ‘Smangry’?

You know that word, hangry? It means someone is so hungry that they start to feel angry. We all get hangry sometimes. But I’m going to coin a new term for the fragrance-sensitive people out there. Fellow HSPs, we might get smangry!

A person who is not highly sensitive wouldn’t even notice these smells, and here I am, barraged by the stink. I start to feel worn down, then stressed and overwhelmed, and finally, it makes me irritable and on-edge.

I guess I get smangry a lot. Do you?

The irony is, even when I’m smangry, I don’t want to look or act angry to people who are just living their lives and not meaning to overwhelm my senses. In an attempt not to hurt their feelings, I often excuse my need to leave the door open:

“I like to keep the door cracked because that handle gets stuck and people think the door is locked,” I might say.

Or, “It just gets so stuffy in here. Hot flashes, you understand,” I stage-whisper.

I can’t tell them the real reason that door is open: they smell!

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

5 Tips for Dealing with Smells When You Have Fragrance Sensitivity

I wish I could share with you a long checklist of action steps to take to keep overwhelming odors to a minimum. The truth is, there’s only so much you can do. If you’re sensitive to fragrances, you’re often going to find yourself in situations where you can’t control how the people, places, or activities around you smell.

But there are steps I take to minimize getting overwhelmed by fragrances. Here are five strategies that help me, and if you have fragrance sensitivity, may help you too:

1. Errands

I do my shopping as early in the morning as possible, when fewer people are around. Fewer people = less pungency.

2. Driving

In the car, I keep my windows rolled up and the recirculation on. Bonus: when the windows are up, I can blast the oldies station as loudly* as I want.

*Not as loudly as most people, because as an HSP, it literally shakes my nerves and rattles my brains.

3. Cleaning

Whenever I clean or paint, I wear a dust mask to help filter out smells. I also prefer unscented or natural cleaning products, if I can find them.

It can also help to wear gloves so that none of the chemicals or their scents stay on your skin.

4. The Emergency Handkerchief

I always have a clean handkerchief in my pocket, in case I have to share space with an unpleasant smell for a while. It helps if I unfold the handkerchief and breathe into it to filter out the bad scent. I would like to think I look like a grieving, beautiful ingénue out of a 1940s war movie who just waved goodbye to her lover leaving on a train. In reality, I probably look more like I’ve got a perpetual nosebleed. Either way, self-care trumps embarrassment and makes it worth it every time.

5. When a Scent Is Already Affecting You

Many fragrance-sensitive people recommend using a simple saline nasal spray — just saline water, no harsh chemicals, no scent — that you can carry with you.

A spritz into each nostril (and then blowing it out) helps clean out a smell and its effects, including many allergens, which can help head off migraines and other reactions. An alternative if you’re at home is a neti pot.

Being sensitive to smells can also be one of the biggest workplace struggles for highly sensitive people.

The Secret Upside of Being Sensitive to Smells

But the most important thing I want to share with you if you’re sensitive to smells is that you’re not alone.

While our high sensitivity may feel like a burden sometimes, keep in mind that you and I are members of a special group of people. The science is clear that highly sensitive brains are normal, healthy, and can be a powerful advantage. We may have to navigate the world a little more deftly than others in order to sidestep any salmon-scented citizens, but wouldn’t you agree that the positives — like empathy, patience, attention to detail, creativity, and deep thinking — outweigh the negatives?

Try to hold on to that thought the next time you’re forced to run full-speed back to the parking lot, away from that store in the mall that pumps cologne into the air. Take a few deep breaths of clean, fresh oxygen. When you have recovered and the wind tickles your nose with a delicious whisper of lilac from a half-mile away, know that there’s an estimated additional 15+ percent of the population doing the same thing.

Friend, you could say we’ve all passed the “smell test.”

You might like:

• 12 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person With a Rainforest Mind
• ‘Forest Bathing’ Is a Thing, and It Can Heal HSPs
• Is Your Child a ‘Picky Eater’? They Might Be a Highly Sensitive Person

The post What Do You Do If You’re Extra Sensitive to Smells? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Do you notice little details about your surroundings that others miss — especially details about the people around you? Do you quickly get overwhelmed when your to-do list is long, your weekend is busy, or when you spend time in a loud, bustling place? Do you reflect on your experiences deeply, and feel emotions in a big way?

If so, you might be a highly sensitive person (HSP). HSPs are the 20 percent of the population who process things more deeply than others. This stems from a difference in their brains and nervous systems.

What exactly makes HSPs different? Recent research has the answers. Let’s take a look at the four biggest differences.

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4 Differences in a Highly Sensitive Person’s Brain

1. Your brain responds to dopamine differently.

Dopamine is the brain’s reward chemical. Simply put, it drives you to want to do certain things, then gives you a sense of victory or pleasure when you do them.

Many of the genes involved in high sensitivity affect how your body uses dopamine — in ways we don’t yet fully understand. HSPs are likely less driven by external rewards than non-HSPs. Rewards are the “gold stickers” of life, for example, a job promotion, a paycheck, or inclusion into a social group. Similar to introverts, HSPs are simply not as excited by the things that many others chase.

This is part of what allows HSPs to hold back and be thoughtful and observant while they process information. It also likely prevents them from being drawn to the same highly stimulating situations that end up overwhelming them.

If you’re an HSP, and you just don’t find yourself very interested in a loud party or taking risks, you have your dopamine system to thank.

2. Your mirror neurons are more active.

Mirror neurons play a big role in the HSP brain. They help us understand what someone is doing or experiencing, based on their actions. Essentially, these brain cells compare the other person’s behavior with times you yourself have behaved that way, effectively “mirroring” them to figure out what’s going on for them.

That’s an important job for a lot of reasons, but one of the things it does in humans is allow us to feel empathy and compassion for others. When we recognize the pain (or joy) someone is going through and relate to it, it’s because of this system. More mirror neuron activity means a more empathetic person — like an HSP.

HSPs don’t necessarily have more mirror neurons than others, rather, their mirror neuron systems are more active. In 2014, functional brain imaging research found that HSPs had consistently higher levels of activity in key parts of the brain related to social and emotional processing. This higher level of activity kicked in even in tests involving strangers, meaning HSPs can easily extend compassion to people they don’t personally know. (The effect was still highest with loved ones, however).

As an HSP, these mirror neurons are both your superpower and, at times, more than a little inconvenient — like when you can’t watch the same TV show as everyone else because it’s too violent. But it’s also what makes you warm, caring, and insightful about what other people are going through.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

3. You really do experience emotions more vividly.

Hidden away in the front of the brain is a fascinating area called the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC). This area is hooked into several systems involving your emotions, your values, and processing sensory data. When we say that highly sensitive people process things more deeply than others, there’s a good chance it happens right here.

While the role of the vmPFC is not yet completely understood, it’s definitely associated with emotional regulation, and it enhances the things we experience with a certain emotional “vividness.” Everyone experiences life more vividly during emotional moments, not just HSPs, but high sensitivity is linked to a gene that increases this vividness, essentially turning up the dial. That gene allows emotional enhancement to have a much greater effect on the vmPFC as it processes experiences.

What does this mean for HSPs? Unlike mirror neurons, this emotional vividness isn’t necessarily social in nature. It’s all about how vividly you feel emotions inside you in response to what’s happening around you. So, if you seem to feel things stronger than other people do, it’s not just in your head (okay, it’s entirely in your head, but you know what I mean!). HSPs are finely tuned to pick up even subtle emotional cues and react to them.

4. Other people are the brightest things on your radar.

For less sensitive people, it’s easy to tune out other people. But for an HSP, almost everything about the brain is wired to notice and interpret others.

This is clear from the many other parts of the brain that get extra-active for HSPs in social situations. For example, the brain imaging study mentioned above also showed increased activity in the cingulate area and the insula — two areas that, together, may form our “seat of consciousness” and moment-to-moment awareness. For HSPs, these areas become far more active in response to images of other people, especially those exhibiting a relevant social or emotional cue.

In other words: Highly sensitive people actually become more alert, almost “more conscious,” in a social context. If you’re an HSP, other people are the brightest things on your radar.

The Gift of the Highly Sensitive Brain

There’s a lot that can be said about the gifts of the highly sensitive brain. It processes information on deep level, sees more connections, and cares and relates to others in a profound way.

But perhaps your most important gift as an HSP is the one designed to protect you. Your brain is fine-tuned to notice and interpret the behavior of everyone around you. If someone is bad news, you know it. If someone is not going to treat you right, you see it coming. If a situation isn’t right for you, you probably know that, too.

That’s vital, because HSPs need healthy environments and supportive loved ones to thrive — perhaps even more so than others.

If you’re an HSP, your brain may be the most powerful social machine in the known universe.

You might like:

• 21 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person
• How I Learned to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions
• You’re Not ‘Crazy,’ You’re a Highly Sensitive Person

The post The Difference Between the Highly Sensitive Brain and the ‘Typical’ Brain appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you might know what it’s like to live with some level of anxiety.

For me, my anxiety started when I was young and couldn’t make sense of my strong emotions. Everything overwhelmed me. With noise and kids everywhere, school was basically a nightmare full of overstimulation. I could only cope when things were calm and quiet (which, let’s be honest, it’s never that way in school). I just wanted to go home where I felt safe and comfortable.

The strangest things set me off. Little did I know, somewhere along the line, I developed the phobia called emetophobia (fear of vomiting) with my anxiety. I remember watching the movie Matilda in school and starting to panic during that scene where they make that kid eat all the cake. I was sure they were going to show him throwing up, and I couldn’t handle it.

I started freaking out and was too embarrassed to say why, so I made up something about not liking the movie. I mean, what little kid can understand and verbalize that they have a phobia or anxiety? I just thought I was insane, and I didn’t want anyone else to know.

Let’s explore why highly sensitive people might struggle with anxiety, plus I’ll share the No. 1 thing that has helped me.

Why Do Some Highly Sensitive People Have Anxiety?

Not all highly sensitive people have an anxiety disorder or phobia like me. Nevertheless, it’s not uncommon for HSPs to experience some level of anxiety in day-to-day life because we process things deeply, from sights to sounds to emotional cues.

For instance, watching that kid in Matilda eat that cake, the other students didn’t thoroughly internalize what he was doing (as silly as that sounds). Nor did their minds spin off visualizing all the possibilities of an overstuffed tummy.

As adults, all kinds of things can make us anxious, from a deadline at work or school to not knowing what’s going to happen in a given scenario. And when you’re a highly sensitive person who process and feels experiences deeply, it’s no wonder anxious thoughts arise.

What Relieves My Anxiety

Fast forward to now, at 28 years old, and I’ve definitely had my share of ups and downs with anxiety. I’ve had times of stress, full of anxiety and panic attacks, and times of calm and minimal anxiety. Lately, I have experienced little to no anxiety, and I believe there is one thing in particular that helps me release anxiety when it creeps back up. It isn’t meditation or self-care or even mindfulness, although I know all of those things can be helpful.

For me — and for many others around me, I’ve noticed — the key to relieving anxiety in the moment is helping others.

Think about that for a second.

Think about how you feel when you do something for someone out of the goodness of your heart. If you’re a highly sensitive person, you’re likely a caregiver who loves helping others. Whether you work in a caregiver career or simply love to take care of your significant other, family, friends and kids, notice how you feel when you are helping out.

This can be a fine line, though. You don’t want to become so selfless and focused on others that you forget to take care of yourself. You absolutely have to put yourself first to thrive as a highly sensitive person and meet your own needs. If you are constantly helping others, saying yes to everything and taking care of everyone but yourself, anxiety will still creep in.

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But when you’re taking good care of yourself and also focused on loving and caring for the people around you, anxious feelings tend to disappear. This is especially helpful in moments when you first start to notice you are feeling anxious.

I’ve noticed when I have enough time to take care of my own needs and spend the rest of my time caring for my friends and helping others, my anxiety is super minimal and even non-existent, even in stressful times.

Find Your ‘Why,’ Then Reach Out

The next time anxiety arises, take a moment to try to figure out why it is happening. I like to call this “finding your why.” Anxiety can arise from simple things, like being hungry or thirsty, stressed about a deadline, or worried about a loved one. It can also strike for seemingly no reason. If you’ve taken care of yourself by making sure you’re well fed, hydrated, slept well, exercised, etc., go to the next step.

Reach out to someone to help. Ask your significant other what you can do to help around the house or give them a surprise backrub. Work on a homemade gift for a friend. Ask someone to hang out. Text a friend who is going through a tough time. Volunteer. Get out of your head and help someone else.

I guarantee you will start to feel better shortly. Not only will you get the feel-good emotions of helping others, but your brain will also be distracted from your worries. Often this is enough to help you feel better quickly. You can also use helping others as a distraction to calm yourself down enough so you can remember to eat, take a nap, take your medication, meditate, or anything else that truly helps ease anxiety.

However, remember that constantly distracting your brain from anxiety won’t help in the long run. Try to frequently journal your anxiety and worries to see where it is stemming from and what you can do in your daily life to help heal it. If you suffer from frequent anxiety, you may want to talk to a mental health specialist and/or seek treatment and medication.

You might like:

• 6 Lessons I Learned About Surviving Trauma as an HSP
• Why HSPs Burn Out So Quickly (and How to Get Relief)
• 27 Things You Do Because You’re a Highly Sensitive Person

The post The No. 1 Thing That Relieves My Anxiety as a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Don’t be so sensitive — it’s not that big of a deal. As someone who’s come to appreciate my sensitive side, I find it unfortunate that being sensitive is often equated with being weak or dramatic.

Sensitivity is wrongly depicted as an undesirable trait, while nonchalance is mistaken for a sign of strength. While I do agree it’s important to recognize your high sensitivity and find ways to make it work for you — rather than against you — it’s not inherently bad to be sensitive.

In fact, there are many overlooked benefits to being a highly sensitive person. Here are eight of them.

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Overlooked Benefits of Being Highly Sensitive

1. Depth of experience and feeling

Finding meaning in everything — and I do mean everything — is both a blessing and a curse. Even so, I wouldn’t forgo this trait for a more even-keeled disposition, because experiencing the world with heightened emotion is an integral part of who I am.

Something as simple as observing a few droplets of rain on a leaf can usher in an overwhelming sense of joy and peace throughout my being, while a totally harmless comment from my boyfriend can plunge me into a sudden spiral of all-over-the-place emotion for no logical reason. The latter is frustrating for both of us, but with understanding and acceptance, even intense outbursts of feeling become manageable, and simply one more way to experience the totality of life.

2. Strong self-awareness

Typically, those of us with highly sensitive natures are keenly self-aware as well. Whether this awareness develops over time, or is with us right from the start, we often find ourselves hyper tuned in, not only with our wide range of emotions, but also with the reactions that follow. We learn about our triggers, and we start to understand that while our intense feelings are valid and should not be dismissed, others might not react the same way as we do most of the time. Sometimes we just feel sensitive about things that might not even register as blips on their radar.

By recognizing this sensitivity as part of who we are, and not as a shameful flaw of some kind, we can attempt to share this aspect of ourselves with those we care about. It’s not always easy to open up — in fact it can be incredibly difficult — but communicating ahead of time about things that overwhelm us can give our loved ones an idea about what’s going on when we appear deeply affected by something we can’t explain in the moment.

3. Increased empathy

The same qualities that make us more sensitive than others can also make us more empathetic. Because we instinctively mirror the emotions of others, putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes happens automatically.

Basically, we don’t have a say in the matter.

We intuitively connect with and attempt to understand the world using our emotions. This means we can be just as overwhelmed by a tragic real-life news story as a heavy dose of fictional violence in a movie. It just happens.

On the plus side, this often makes us good listeners because we tend to take someone in pain seriously and don’t easily dismiss their feelings as frivolous or unimportant. While many offer practical advice on ways to just get over it as quickly as possible, we see the benefit of being there to just listen without an agenda or judgement.

4. Intuitive nurturing skills

In addition to heightened empathy, our sensitivity also leads us to place value on nurturing others. We know not everyone experiences life as intensely as we do, but because we’re used to feeling deeply, we strongly desire to bring happiness to the ones we love and help them avoid pain. We have an instinct to care for others by recognizing their feelings, understanding their needs, and trying to support them in whatever way we think will help them feel most loved.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

5. Masters of self-care

For better or worse, we sensitive souls quickly learn the level to which we are affected by our environment. Whether it be noisy crowds, confrontation, tension in the office, or perceived judgment from others, even everyday occurrences can overwhelm us.

Often, we’re idealists who seek harmony and peace above all else and don’t see why everyone can’t just get along and be good to each other. After some trial and error, we learn what drains us the most and what lights us up from the inside out. We learn the importance of self-care and how to take care of, and be gentle, with ourselves.

6. Appreciative of the small things

One of my favorite aspects of high sensitivity is finding wonder in the smallest of things. I can find immense pleasure simply in noting the contrast of a green tree against a backdrop of blue sky and powdery white clouds. An unexpected kiss on the forehead or squeeze of the hand from my boyfriend can warm up my whole body with wellbeing. Hearing a song I haven’t heard in a while can spur a visceral nostalgia within me, transporting me vividly back in time instantaneously.

While in some ways I’ve always felt like an old soul, I love that my inner child is never too far away to pop out and leave me wide-eyed and awestruck by the world.

7. Finding beauty in both sadness and joy

It’s true that sensitivity sometimes leads to rather strong feelings of melancholy. But one of the great things about being highly sensitive is the ability to find sadness oddly nourishing. The spectrum of human emotion is fascinating, and I find oscillating between emotions a satisfying way to feel connected and present within myself.

I find just as much beauty in the resilience of overcoming sadness as I do in the joy of being deliriously happy. Both experiences exist for a reason, both have meaning, and both are beautiful.

8. Knack for forming close relationships

Highly sensitive people know how to bond, but we don’t do it with just anyone. It might take us a while to open ourselves up to the possibility of really letting someone have a meaningful impact on our lives. But once we’ve decided someone fits, we go all in.

Because we’re typically sensitive to the energy we sense in people, we can be choosy about who we spend time with. Our energies have to mesh.

We’re careful about who we get close to and intensely appreciate those who make us comfortable enough to show the true version of ourselves. Though we can appreciate passing conversation with acquaintances — sometimes — we put much more effort into cultivating meaningful relationships with people we feel an honest connection with.

Once someone has broken the barrier of our comfort zone, we get warm and fuzzy quite quickly, becoming incredibly loyal friends and partners.

You might like:

• 14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand
• Why Do Highly Sensitive People Absorb Other People’s Emotions?
• How to Explain High Sensitivity to People Who Don’t ‘Get It’
• For Highly Sensitive People, Sleep Is a Magical Elixir

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The post 8 Reasons Being Highly Sensitive Is a Good Thing appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Remember when people used to say they were “high on life?” I’ve definitely felt that phenomenon, but I have also felt very low too. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I tend to feel all emotions to the extreme. For me, when dealing with any sort of big life change, my emotions feel like they’re on a rollercoaster. One minute, so excited — and the next panicked and tortured about dealing with it, even if it’s positive.

This happens to HSPs because the parts of our brains that process emotions are more active than they are in other people. We’re wired to experience the world with greater emotional “vividness,” almost like we’re seeing it in HD.

And, while that can be incredible with happy emotions, it makes negative emotions completely overwhelming. A single small source of anxiety can derail me for days. In fact, believe this is a common reason why many highly sensitive people feel like something is “wrong with them” or they wish to erase their high sensitivity for good.

Here’s why negative emotions hit HSPs hard — and what you can do to deal with them.

Why Negative Emotions Hit Hard for HSPs

Besides processing all emotions vividly, HSPs also deal with more emotions than the average person. This is because we tend to absorb emotions from other people (or just from the mood in the room). In other words, we don’t just deal with our own negative feelings, we have to deal with everyone else’s, too.

And we can easily get stuck in them. When you feel things so strongly and deeply, as HSPs do, and you’re picking them up everywhere you go, sometimes you have to take time to figure out what you’re even feeling and why. Are you anxious because of how that job interview went? Or is it just because the interviewer seemed distracted? Or, is it because the barista at the coffee shop was having a bad day and didn’t realize he was practically screaming it with his body language?

Sometimes, you end up harboring emotions like anger, sadness, or anxiety for reasons that aren’t even yours to deal with. Other times, they’re definitely your own — but you’re feeling them so strongly that it’s hard to even visualize them ever getting better.

Either way, that’s when it’s time to step back and start to process them — in a way that will actually help you get “un-stuck.”

5 Steps to Deal with Negative Emotions (and Actually Feel Better)

I believe learning to manage your emotions in a healthy way is important, and I give it a whole chapter in my book about my journey as a highly sensitive person with anxiety. Here are five steps I’ve identified to processing and moving past negative emotions:

1. You’re going to have to feel those feelings.

I don’t know about others, but when I’m feeling anxious or hurt, I want to shove that icky, negative feeling as far away as possible. But here’s the trick: you need to feel those emotions before you can fully release them.

For some people, that may be as simple as sitting quietly somewhere safe (cozy blanket, anyone?) and thinking through them. For me, though, it takes more. Some effective ways to really get unblocked and process an emotion include journaling, talking it out with a trusted friend — someone who treats you with respect — or simply crying. (Yes, crying is nature’s way of truly feeling something and letting it out!)

If you’re in a safe space, you could even scream, punch a pillow, or tear up paper. All of these put the feeling into motion and help you get un-stuck.

2. Use positive physical cues to calm yourself down.

These cues can involve deep breathing, yoga, hot tea or coffee, or the aforementioned cozy blanket. Personally, I prefer hot showers, because they’re not just relaxing but also cleansing. You can even use a little visualization: as you shower, picture yourself scrubbing away the negativity and inviting in more positive vibes.

Think about the physical sensations or rituals that make you feel calm, centered, and more relaxed. If you make it a point to use them whenever you’re overwhelmed by a negative emotion, your body will start to associate the physical cue with the healing process, and you’ll begin to feel better almost immediately.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

3. Avoid negative emotional triggers.

You know what doesn’t help negativity? More negativity. No matter where it comes from, or how well-intentioned it might be.

Think of healing from negative emotions like healing from a scrape. There’s going to be a scab and a sore spot for a while. If you rub that spot, even just a little, the scab is likely to break and you’ll have to start all over (usually with even more pain).

So you need to avoid stressors when you’re dealing with negative feelings.

Personally, I try to avoid the news because it’s always negative. I also try to avoid people who are always looking for something to complain about, or who focus on the negatives. Look at the people in your life and how you feel after you see them. You may need to make some adjustments.

And, if you can’t exactly avoid some people in your life, learn to set healthy boundaries.

4. Feed your basic needs, not just your heart.

I know I tend to feel more negative emotions when I’m too tired, haven’t eaten properly, or feel stressed out. Emotions can seem all-consuming, but they live in your body with you. Taking good care of that body and mind is the first step, and will often have surprising effects on your heart as well.

Try meditation to reduce stress, eat regular healthy meals, drink lots of water, and get enough sleep. These are basic, and chances are, one of them will be more of a keystone for you than the others. Notice which things actually make you feel positive or less worried, and make a routine that works for YOU.

5. Focus on what you can control.

Often, when we’re stuck in a negative emotion, it’s because it feels big and overwhelming — like we either have to take on the world or completely handle it, or like it will roll over us no matter what we do. Usually, the truth is somewhere in between.

So, when you’re completely overwhelmed: remind yourself that you can’t control exactly what happens, and take that burden off yourself. And then ask: what do I control?

This is usually when you stop feeling powerless and start to see a path forward.

Remember: life would be boring if we only felt positive and happy. Negative emotions are there to balance you out, teach you a lesson, and help you feel grateful for the happy times. But that doesn’t mean you need to stay stuck in them.

Do you struggle with anxiety or difficult emotions? Lauren Stewart’s book, My Journey as a Highly Sensitive Person with Anxiety: How I went from an Emotional Mess to Confident Woman and You Can Too, is designed to help. Get your copy here.

You might like:

• Why Highly Sensitive People Get Mentally and Emotionally ‘Flooded’
• This Is the Difference Between a Highly Sensitive Brain and a ‘Typical’ Brain
• How I Learned to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

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The post How to Deal with Negative Emotions as a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.