Complex. Deep thinking. Intellectually gifted. These are just some of the traits of a rainforest mind (RFM). People with RFMs may prefer a good read to a rousing day at the football stadium. They draw accurate conclusions when everyone else is lollygagging. They’re at the intellectual finish line when others are just leaving the starting gate.

Many RFMs are highly sensitive people. They are capable and perceptive. They are thorough, curious, and creative. They analyze the implications of trends on social media when their friends are preoccupied with, well, reality TV. They are scuba diving through life when others are simply water skiing.

Unfortunately, RFMs are often misunderstood. Their coworkers would benefit from their insights if only they could realize that it’s insight. But others don’t understand the RFM’s creative leaps — and it gets tiring to constantly fill in the blanks. So, RFMs might sound unreasonable or weird. They’re called “overthinkers” or “drama queens.” Or both.

Sound familiar? You might be a highly sensitive person with a rainforest mind. To learn more, see my post, 12 Signs You’re an HSP With a ‘Rainforest Mind.’

You Are Overwhelmed and Underwhelmed at the Same Time

If you have an RFM, you may experience a sense of being out-of-sync with friends, family, and coworkers. As odd as it sounds, on many occasions, you might feel both overwhelmed and underwhelmed.

Let me explain.

Being a highly sensitive person, you are easily overwhelmed. Due to your wiring, you process and feel things deeply. And life is full of potentially overwhelming experiences. “Little” things that others brush off are magnified — strong fragrances, leaf blowers, bad architecture, buzzing that no one else hears, noisy chewers, unexpected weather events, houses painted orange, rock concerts, the problem of homelessness, the news, violent images, groups of more than one, unimaginable beauty, great kindness, the night sky, others’ intense emotions, others’ subtle emotions, premonitions, responsibility to save the world.

To name a few.

If you have a rainforest mind, you are often analyzing and synthesizing ideas more deeply than your non-RFM cohorts. You may not have realized that this means you are also often underwhelmed. This may have begun in school when you already knew the material that was being presented. You were an eager learner in the beginning, but if your teachers didn’t notice your advanced skills, you may have spent much time disillusioned and bored in school.

And now, as an adult, you may still find yourself in situations where you need to slow your speech or adapt your vocabulary. You may find that people can’t keep up with you or that it takes them a long time to grasp what you’re talking about. They tune you out when you are just getting started. At your job, meetings may feel intolerable if you have the answers and need to wait for others to catch up. You may find yourself spending a lot of time waiting. You are underwhelmed.

So what can you do?

7 Tips to Help With Overwhelm and Underwhelm

1. Just because you have lots of skills and abilities doesn’t mean you have to step in and rescue others.

Or take that terrible job. Or say yes to every request. Even though you may feel guilty at first, it would be impossible for you to do everything you are capable of. So let yourself be selective. (Here are some tips to say no effectively.)

2. Boundaries, limits, and alone time are crucial to nourish yourself.

If you take care of yourself, you’ll be better able to help when the situation is appropriate. Practice this phrase when someone (including your child) asks for something: “Oh. Interesting. Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.” Then, take a breath and think about it.

3. Find intellectual stimulation.

If you are frustrated at your workplace or at school, give yourself permission to find intellectual stimulation in a way that won’t draw uncomfortable attention. Use your creativity to find ways to entertain yourself in the dull moments. Knit at meetings or do the NY Times crossword. Bring a book everywhere you go. Daydream. Look for the humor in a situation. Give yourself permission to find careers that have variety, challenge, and creativity so that you won’t be bored. Change jobs when you need to. Start writing your memoir.

If you are wanting to change the culture in your workplace, get a copy of Rebels At Work and join their community. The authors, Medina and Kelly, write and talk about ways sensitive, creative, complex thinkers can work to change the system from within the organization. You will see that you are not alone and that change is possible.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

4. If you are a parent, it’s especially important that you know your limits and take time for self-care.

Your highly sensitive soul will need to take breaks. If you make time for rest and self-nourishment, your child will benefit.  If you have a highly sensitive rainforest-minded child, you may need some extra guidance. These children can be very verbal, energetic, and intense. When they enter school, you may need to be very involved if they are advanced academically. This can be draining. Look for books by Mary Kurcinka for parenting suggestions. For guidance around schooling, this post might help.

5. Meet other RFMs.

Because rainforest-minded humans can be hard to find, you may feel lonely and a sense of extreme underwhelmedness when you look for friends or partners. Find activities that appeal to you through meetup.com. Join an online group such as intergifted.com. Start your own meetup group, book group, astronomical society, or online community.

6. Learn the Argentine tango.

Yes, really! The tango is the perfect dance for RFMs. It requires sensitivity, intensity, creativity, and intuition. All of the things you have plenty of. You will not be underwhelmed. This is a tough dance to learn. And, yet, it is worth it. You will be moving with one person at a time, engaged in an in-depth, beautiful conversation, and no words need be spoken. If dancing isn’t your thing, you might try organizing a silent reading party or joining The School of Life global community.

7. Read my blog to gain more self-understanding and strategies for self-care.

Join many of my readers commenting on the posts and see what others are saying. Read my book for case studies of sensitive people in therapy and for a more detailed look at how having a rainforest mind may mean that you struggle with perfectionism, relationships, empathy, and a deep sense of social responsibility.

Above all, dear RFM, remember…

It is normal for you to be both overwhelmed and underwhelmed because of your smart, effervescent, multidimensional, perceptive, sensitive, rainforest mind. Managing your rainforest mind isn’t easy. All of those mosquitoes, monkeys, and tangled vines. It is a very, very, busy place.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

You might like:

• 12 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person With a ‘Rainforest Mind’
• Dear Friends, I Love You, But I Just Can’t Go Out Tonight. Sincerely, an HSP
• The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Saying No

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Overwhelmed and Underwhelmed? You Might Have a Rainforest Mind appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Complex. Highly sensitive. Intense. Creative. Misunderstood. Colorful. Gifted. If you have a rainforest mind (RFM), these are just some of the adjectives that might describe you.

I developed the metaphor of the rainforest mind while working as a teacher with children who were identified as gifted. As I soon found out, it’s difficult to define giftedness, and there’s a great amount of controversy around what it might be. Because of many people’s discomfort with the label, I created the RFM analogy. It was fitting. These kids were like the rainforest. They had particular traits and needs that were often overlooked because they were so smart.

When I became a psychotherapist, I started working with rainforest-minded adults. I help them understand their particular characteristics and concerns so that they learn self-acceptance and create fulfilling lives.

Maybe you, too, have a rainforest mind — in my experience, many of those with an RFM are highly sensitive. How will you know? Here are 12 signs.

Signs You Have a Rainforest Mind

1. You’ve been accused of being too sensitive, too dramatic, too emotional, too curious, and too smart.

It’s the nature of the RFM to be intense. There’s a depth of emotion and a high level of sensitivity. Avid curiosity. A desire to know everything. It can be overwhelming to others and to oneself. A “too much-ness” in many realms. There can be lots of talking, questioning, analysis, and creativity. Your intelligence is advanced but so is your emotional, creative, intuitive, and spiritual capacity.

2. You feel like too much and not enough at the same time.

Even while you’re seen as having an overabundance of sensitivity, emotion, curiosity, and insight — so much that you sometimes overwhelm others — you can also feel like you’re inadequate. In your mind, you don’t have enough of what you need. Not enough intellect. Not enough achievement. Not enough compassion. So you end up being both too much and not enough.

3. You’ve painted your living room 12 times, and it’s still not right.

You can tell the difference between white, eggshell, and ecru. People may see you as obsessive-compulsive or hyper-critical, but it just may be that your RFM sees more, hears more, tastes more, and is more affected by subtleties. Your capacity to perceive colors and sounds, for example, is greater. So, you need your environment to be just right or you’re out of whack. You might be irritated by “little” things that other people don’t even notice.

4. You love learning, reading, and research but didn’t necessarily excel in school.

It’s assumed that RFMs are high achievers and the teacher’s pet. Not necessarily. You may have enjoyed school and achieved high grades. But you may have also been frustrated with the lack of challenge and with having to wait for the other students to catch up — having to review material that you already knew. You may have been eager to start school because you wanted to learn about so many things but, sadly, you found disappointment and frustration instead.

5. People tell you that you’re not living up to your great potential. You feel pressure to be a high achiever but sometimes end up in perfectionist paralysis.

If you were identified early as “the smart one,” there may have been pressure from family members and teachers to reach your potential. But no one could explain just what that was, and as a result, you became overly worried that you’d let them all down. Perfectionism was the result. Extreme fear of failure. Intolerance of mistakes. Procrastination. Paralysis. The high expectations from others and yourself could become quite disabling. Not only that, but you were also born with high standards, whether or not you were pressured to achieve. This type of perfectionism can be the good news. Your goals of balance, beauty, harmony, precision, and justice just might create a better world.

6. You’re overwhelmed by screeching leaf blowers, strong fragrances, needy friends, loud chewers, buzzing that no one else hears, bad architecture, and beauty.

This is another way that your sensitivity makes you different. Other people may not hear or see or smell as acutely as you do. They might not hear their Uncle Charlie chewing his meatloaf. They may not notice or care much when a friend is grieving. They might like the house on your street that was painted an obnoxiously bright orange. And while you are breathless at the sight of the setting sun on the beach and awestruck at the magnificence of the starry night sky, your friends think you’re a little kooky.

7. People tell you to lighten up when you’re just trying to enlighten them.

Other folks don’t have the same curiosity you have. You may not feel particularly smart; you may think that you’re normal and everyone could know what you know if they only tried. So you share your enthusiasm. You let them know how much you love writing your Wikipedia entries and your job at the museum archiving photos from the 1930s. And surely they need to know the latest discoveries about the dangers of Teflon. Your passion for learning is the fire hose to their garden hose.

8. You may have changed majors in college several times and graduated after 9 years. You leave a job just when you’ve mastered it because you need to learn something new.

This is called multipotentiality. You have lots of interests and abilities. People say you’re a jack of all trades, master of none. But you actually do master a lot. But when you learn what you want, it’s time to move to the next thing. This can be a problem if you need to support a family or if you need to look “normal.”

9.  You’ve been socially responsible since you were five years old.

You feel responsible for making a difference. Helping people. Changing the world. When you were a little tyke, you may have done things like getting your neighbors to recycle or raising money for the organizations working to save endangered animals. Clear-cutting of forests and environmental crises kept you up at night. They still do.

10.  You’re an avid overthinker and frequent ruminator. Sleep and meditation are challenging.

People call you an overthinker but thinking deeply comes naturally to you. It’s preferable to being an underthinker. Overthinking may, in fact, not be a bad thing. It’s how your brain works. It’s what smart people do. And, yes, you will need to work on self-soothing and relaxation if you’re a ruminator. Your capacity to be creative and think a lot can be what produces all of those many worries that interrupt your sleep and make it hard to meditate.

11. You counsel your friends, relatives, neighbors, and pets, and often know what they’re feeling before they do. You have a sense of a larger Force in the universe that has a spiritual strength and a loving energy.

People are often drawn to you because of your compassion and your natural listening and counseling skills. You care deeply about others. You also have a powerful intuitive ability that may show up as clairvoyance, lucid dreaming, premonitions, or just a knowing. You’re a spiritual seeker and may find great solace in nature, mindfulness, shamanic journeying, or some other nontraditional form of spirituality.

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12. You often ask yourself: If I’m so smart, why am I so dumb?

Because you don’t know about the complexities and contradictions connected to being gifted or having a rainforest mind, you may have decided you’re not so smart. It’s confusing when you think that being a smart person is all about achievement and eminence. Or when you think that if you were smart, you wouldn’t be so sensitive or so emotional. Instead, you would make decisions easily and be thriving in a lucrative career. Well, um, no. In the rainforest,* it’s just not that simple.

If You Have a Rainforest Mind

And so…

…my darling HSPs, if you have a rainforest mind, you can begin to recognize who you really are. You can begin loving your sensitive, dramatic, emotional, curious, and smart self! (Check out my book, Your Rainforest Mind to get started.) And, well, you can paint your living room for the 13th time and not feel guilty.

(*Note: Those of you who are sticklers for precision, yes, I get that the rainforest is probably most appropriately spelled as two words. Because I’ve changed it into an adjective, I’ve taken the liberty of making it a single word. Please forgive me!)

You might like:

• 6 Tips for HSPs and Empaths to Protect Their Energy
• 5 Things I Teach My Kids as a Highly Sensitive Parent
• 13 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Extrovert

The post 12 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person with a ‘Rainforest Mind’ appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

There are so many reasons to be anxious these days. So. Many. Reasons.  

Anxiety is a particular challenge for people with finely tuned nervous systems, acute perception, complex thinking capacities, vivid imaginations, extra empathy, perfectionistic tendencies, or trauma in childhood. People who think deeply about — or “overthink” — everything.

I happen to check all those boxes. I’m a highly sensitive person — and yes, I struggle with anxiety. 

Your anxiety may manifest in any number of ways: Your very active, creative mind imagines unending catastrophes. You feel constantly overwhelmed by the news. You want to strangle your neighbor, who uses her leaf blower to clear the dust off her driveway every morning. You can’t stop ruminating about the sad story you just heard on NPR. The chaos at birthday parties leaves you and your child shrieking. You have migraines, allergies, or insomnia. Or, if you have PTSD from childhood trauma, you may feel grief, anger, depression, or despair for what feels like no clear reason. 

No matter how your anxiety appears, take heart: There are tried and true ways to alleviate your body’s and your mind’s response to stressful situations. Here are 16 suggestions for the next time it all feels like too much. 

16 Ways You Can Ease Your Anxiety

1. Start to break the connection between perfectionism, procrastination, and anxiety.

If a drive for perfection causes you to procrastinate, which in turn creates anxiety, try reading Procrastination by Jane Burka and Leonora Yuen. It is an in-depth description of the many complex reasons for procrastination and perfectionism and how you can make necessary changes.

2. Learn what it means to “self-soothe” — and how to activate it when it feels impossible.

“Self-soothing” means knowing how to do for yourself what we often wish others would do for us: comfort, calm, and reassure. This is the number one skill to use when your mind is racing with worries and doubts — but that’s exactly when it’s hardest to actually do it.

(Example: how many times have we all heard that we should create a daily meditation practice, and how easy is it to actually do it?)

So, instead of relying on sheer will, get the tools that make it easy. Many different apps exist for meditation, such as Calm, Insight Timer, and Headspace. For clarity, some people have found doing morning pages from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way to be useful — which encourages people to write in a stream-of-consciousness style every morning.

You can choose your own tools. The point is: have them ready when everything feels like too much.

3. Collect calming wisdom in the good times, and turn to it in the “overthinky” times.

This can be as simple as a list of reminders from your best self. Here are some examples: 

• My body tends to be anxious, but I’m actually safe right now. I am not in danger.
• Am I catastrophizing? Do I need to be this upset? 
• I’m older now and I have more control over my experiences. 
• I’m a fallible human — I make mistakes, like everyone. Making a mistake does not make me a bad person. 
• When I feel peaceful and calm, I am more productive. 
• Even when outer events are disturbing, I have a right to feel calm. 
• Self-care and self-compassion will benefit everyone I know. 
• There are many people who are working to make the world a better place. 

4. Forgive yourself for not being perfect.

You have great compassion for others. Let yourself receive some of that sweetness, too. Ask for help. Pay attention when friends and family reach out to help you. Let them. 

5. Instead of freezing and shrinking — expand.

You know how fear tends to make you want to freeze or shrink or push it away? Instead, notice it and be with it. Where do you feel it in your body? Remember that it is just a part of you — not all of you. And you are bigger than it. As odd as it sounds, welcome the anxiety. Imagine yourself expanding. Breathe and expand and keep expanding. 

The more you practice breathing in the face of fear, the easier it will be to get into a peaceful state. You may even begin to feel more connected to your higher self and the love that’s in you and around you. And if you want to take it one step further, turn it into a tonglen practice (from Pema Chodron) where you breathe in all the world’s anxiety — seriously! — and you breathe out love to everyone, including yourself.

6. Plan your escape hatch before you actually need it.

Keep this one in your back pocket for when social distancing is over and we’re all at big, loud public events again. Sit on the edge of the crowd or closer to the back so you can make a quiet escape. Move chairs around so you aren’t right next to someone. Breathe deeply and imagine undesirable energy moving through you and out into the ground. Let the earth transform it.

7. Walk, dance, shake, exercise, sing!

Do anything vigorous and playful that you’re able to do with your body. Don’t worry if it feels silly. This is how you transform mental anxiety into physical energy, and then let it loose. 

8. Tune into your body’s subtle needs — especially the ones you may have been overlooking.

Speaking of physical energy, be aware of any food sensitivities, hormone imbalances, or sleep deprivation that might be affecting yours. Naturopathy, acupuncture, massages, or energy work can be helpful. 

9. Keep a journal and write heart-to-hearts with your anxiety. 

Visualize the anxiety as a person and get curious. Ask why it continues to hang around. You may be surprised by the answers. Your anxiety may have something to teach you. If you give it attention, it may calm down and even share an insight or two.

10. Experiment with approaches you haven’t tried yet — even if they’re outside the box.

Try one of psychologist Belleruth Naparstek’s guided imagery CDs on anxiety, stress reduction, or healthy sleep. Read about the role the heart plays in health — I recommend the Heartmath Institute — and see about trying one of their devices to improve what’s called your “heart rate variability” and reduce your stress. Look at tapping videos from Julie Schiffman to learn about a technique that many have found quite calming. 

11. Find your sense of humor — especially when it’s absurd.

If you are alone in your car, scream. Maybe even scream obscenities. Avoid eye contact with passing drivers.

12. Go hug someone you love.

This includes your animals. Breathe and feel the connection with another spirit deeply in your body. (For the time being, of course, apply social distancing as appropriate — “air hugs” or a reassuring phone call can also work wonders!)

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13. If striving for perfection causes anxiety, explore whether you have a rainforest mind.

Understand that your perfectionism and anxiety might exist not because of something that you’ve done wrong, but because of the nature of growing up as a highly sensitive overthinker (sometimes called gifted or rainforest-minded). The complications begin at an early age. When you have a mind-heart-spirit that thinks widely and deeply — and which has a larger than normal capacity for analysis, creativity, and emotion — there is more opportunity for worry. You have a right to take the time to focus on your self-understanding and growth.

(You can read more about having a rainforest mind in my book, Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth, and with the activities in my Journey Into Your Rainforest Mind.)

14. Consider working with a team of sensitive and capable practitioners.

Each of us is complicated, so there is no one practitioner or one technique that will be the perfect answer. But you don’t have to be alone with your anxiety. Find the right people to help you by choosing from among the many types of practitioners available: naturopaths, physical therapists, energy healers, shamans, teachers, coaches, and artists who will help you find the best tools for your particular needs. 

15. If you grew up in a seriously dysfunctional family, get psychotherapy. 

Events in your present life can trigger PTSD symptoms in which you are unconsciously reexperiencing trauma. You may feel anxiety that makes no sense. Psychotherapy can help you identify the triggers and learn ways to cope and to heal.

You can read more about overcoming a difficult childhood as an HSP here. 

16. Add more tools to your toolbox.

Lastly, if you are looking for more specific techniques to help you manage anxiety, Edmund Bourne’s The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook is thorough, and includes ways to deal with self-criticism and irrational, obsessive thinking. It also includes guidance on meditation and much more. 

And finally…

Being someone who is highly sensitive, empathetic, and a deep thinker (what some call overthinker) means you are naturally inclined to be more anxious because you have a mind-heart-spirit connection that needs to be active, or questioning, or creating, or contributing. 

That means that getting more intellectual or creative stimulation can help you feel less anxious. I hope these tips ease your anxiety and maybe even help fuel your creativity. When you feel particularly overwhelmed, just know you are not alone — and there is a way out. 

You might like:

• The No. 1 Thing That Relieves My Anxiety as a Highly Sensitive Person
• 7 Amazing Things That Happen When You Finally Admit You’re Sensitive
• 8 Signs You Have an ‘HSP Hangover’

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 16 Ways to Calm the Heck Down When You’re a Highly Sensitive Overthinker appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

These days, more people are suffering from anxiety of all kinds. If you are paying attention, which you know you are, you are likely to have moments, days, maybe even weeks, when you are worried or frightened or concerned about your particular life, your family’s well-being, and, perhaps, the future of all life on planet earth. 

And, because you are a highly sensitive person (HSP) — meaning, you are empathetic, deep-thinking, and aware — you have a more finely-tuned nervous system than others. So you are more easily thrown off-course, more easily sent out of whack. If you had a seriously unstable childhood, as well, your anxiety might come with a strong undercurrent of hypervigilance, necessary to (try to) manage the chaos in your family. It was an important coping strategy then, but not so helpful now. 

Anxiety and Depression May Go Hand-in-Hand

Anxiety’s cousin is depression, and there are certainly reasons you might be sad, grieving, or, on some days, sinking into despair. Your depression, then, might be an attempt to numb these emotions, to avoid the intensity that comes with high sensitivity.

In my experience as a psychotherapist, HSPs are not more prone to depression than others. But your compassion, empathy, and awareness of issues beyond your personal world might bring it on more easily. And, again, if you grew up in a family with abuse or neglect, depression could be a real possibility. 

My first request, then, is that you understand that there are real reasons for your anxiety and depression. You are not “too sensitive,” “too dramatic,” or “too high-maintenance.” And you don’t overthink too much, either. Recognizing that your anxiety and depression often makes sense, you can stop berating yourself about them. That is a good beginning. But what are some tools and techniques that will help reduce your anxiety and depression? Good question. Below, I have outlined several strategies you can employ, as there is no “one-size-fits-all” solution, nor is there an instant “fix.”

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

8 Ways Highly Sensitive People Can Alleviate Their Anxiety and Depression  

1. Read authors who inspire you and lift your spirits. 

Highly sensitive people usually love to read. Books can be a healthy escape from daily pressures, provide a vision of a positive future, and be intellectually satisfying. They can also give you hope, because the authors are people you can respect and admire.  

Memoirs, such as Deep Creek by Pam Houston, Maid by Stephanie Land, or Unbound by Tarana Burke, are uplifting. Susan Cain’s book, Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole, is a deep-dive and puts a very positive spin on sensitivity. Cain shares her own story and her book normalizes and celebrates the challenges of sensitivity. 

2. Accept help from friends, family, and mental health practitioners.

As a highly sensitive soul, you have great compassion for others — and now it’s time to get some of that compassion back. Pay attention when friends and family reach out to help you. Let them. Of course, you will need to be selective. Not everyone’s support will feel nourishing. You have a right to set boundaries and to only let in the people who feel safe, knowledgeable, and kind. If family members are part of the problem, you may have to limit your contact with them.

And don’t just wait for them to come to you. Seek out their counsel, too — but, again, be selective.

If your depression or anxiety are interfering with everyday tasks, it will be important to find a good psychotherapist. You may even want to consider medication along with the therapy if you are having serious trouble with day-to-day functioning. There are times when medication is needed to provide enough relief so that you can even benefit from the therapy. Your therapist can help you figure this out. 

Events in your present life can also trigger post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, wherein you unconsciously reexperience past trauma. Maybe some of your anxiety or depression makes no sense — your actual day-to-day life might seem just fine. But a pandemic, for example, might trigger memories of being trapped and out of control. Of course, you may feel anxious during a pandemic. But if your anxiety or depression is very intense and unrelenting, it might be PTSD. Psychotherapy can help you identify the triggers, so you realize you are not in danger and not powerless like you were when you were young and felt trapped.

Over time, there might be other practitioners you will want to work with, too. Luckily, there are quite a few possibilities, including: naturopaths, physical therapists, acupuncturists, energy healers, shamans, teachers, coaches, and artists. You do not have to be alone with your anxiety and depression. Even though you tend to solve problems for others — and you may be the smartest person in the room at any particular time — do not give up on finding help for yourself.

3. Check to see if the anxiety and depression is all yours — or if you are carrying someone else’s burden.

When you are an HSP, you are probably an empath, too. You may be feeling the anxiety in the room or in your friends and relatives. You might feel depressed because one of your parents was unavailable and shut down, depressed or anxious themselves. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for other people’s feelings or for solving their problems. It is not your job to rescue your relatives or your friends. You can be supportive, sure, but you do not need to be self-sacrificing. There is a difference.

So, as a result, some of your anxiety or depression might actually belong to your parents or ancestors. You may have taken it on as a very young child as a way to cope, or because, on an unconscious level, it seemed like the right thing (or the only thing) to do. Imagine you can return it to the rightful owner! (Not literally, but…) 

This is a complex process for sure, usually best analyzed with a therapist. It involves designing a ritual where you gather up the anxiety and depression that is not yours — but stored in your body — and hand it back. This is often a deeply emotional experience, so it needs to be carefully facilitated. But just knowing that the burden is not all yours might begin to lighten it. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

4. Write a list of calming techniques that work for you and add them to your daily routines. 

Taking steps to soothe yourself may be particularly difficult if you are anxious or depressed, especially in the moment. To start, you will want to find something that does not take much energy. Try the different apps that exist, such as Calm, Insight Timer, and Headspace. What else would be an easy start? Perhaps getting outdoors? Walking? Listening to music? Cleaning your kitchen? Doing nothing at all? There are many grounding rituals out there — you just have to see which ones work best for you.

Guided imagery is also a useful process for anxiety and depression. Psychologist Belleruth Naparstek has some guided meditations online, so you do not have to do it by yourself. If you are looking for a science-based approach, Heartmath Institute uses reliable research to develop useful tools and devices, too. Some of my clients have also had good results with Emotional Freedom Techniques (ETF), called tapping. This is a simple tool you can learn online. You can even find therapists on Instagram, such as Nedra Tawwab, who provide quick free tips and reminders.  

5. Welcome the unwelcome — acknowledge your anxiety and depression.

I have found this technique particularly powerful when I slip into a melancholy place or feel anxious. It was called “welcoming the unwelcome” by a Zen priest I met years ago. Pema Chodron, the Buddhist nun, explains it well. It is called tonglen and is quite counter-intuitive. 

Basically, you acknowledge your anxiety or depression with a kind of acceptance. You do not push it away. Instead, you breathe in all of the depression or anxiety that exists on the planet and breathe out love to all — and to yourself. It sounds kind of crazy, but I have found it changes my state and eases my discomfort. 

6. Get involved in important issues and speak up for causes you care about.

Some of your anxiety and depression might not be inner turmoil, but the result of disturbing events in your community, country, and our world. There is certainly a lot of suffering and distress, the climate crisis being one of the largest concerns. As an HSP, you feel all of it!

Usually, you may want to stay in the shadows, but these times are different. We all really need to step up and take action on the pressing issues of our time, I think. HSPs are the activists we need and can have a significant influence. Even though it might be uncomfortable, we are needed.  

There are many organizations who could benefit from our participation. Find one that has meaning for you. Taking action might actually be what you need to boost your mood and calm some of your worries. It might help you find meaning and purpose and serve as a distraction from your anxious thoughts. 

7. Engage in intellectual stimulation and creative activities. 

HSPs are often intellectually advanced. You have a very active mind, and if you do not keep it occupied with intellectual and creative projects, it will use its imagination to catastrophize (worst-case scenarios, for example) or fall into despair. 

You may have what I call a “rainforest mind” — and it needs to be fed. Learning and creating are basic needs of yours. Give yourself permission to think, create, and dream. I, for one, know I need to always have a creative project going or else I get restless and irritable. 

Even if you haven’t engaged in creative projects before, try to do so now. Once again, it will get you out of your head. Try writing/journaling, painting, an art class, a music class — the possibilities are endless! Writing in a journal is one of my favorites; I have had journals for many years. You can write conversations with your depression and anxiety and see what you learn. 

8. Mix and match various coping techniques.

There are more obvious suggestions that you will find in other articles, but I will briefly mention a few of them here. Paying attention to your body’s needs — such as food sensitivities, hormone imbalances, sleep, and hydration — may seem like a standard thing to do. But as an HSP, you might forget about your physical well-being. However, do not ignore what your body is telling you. This includes having human/animal contact, like getting hugs or snuggling with your puppy. Even wearing your favorite sweater can ease some of your angst. And, finally, there may be times when you need to cry. It can be such a relief to just let go. And that’s perfectly okay — and healthy, in fact.

And remember: There are real reasons for your anxiety and your depression. You are not “too sensitive,” “too dramatic,” or “too high-maintenance.” Recognizing that your anxiety and depression often makes sense, you can stop berating yourself about it. That is a good beginning. And seeking out help — and self-soothing strategies — is the next step.

For more suggestions and resources, read Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth.

You might like:

• Coping With Anxiety and Depression as an HSP
• My HSP Struggle With Depression — and the Road to Healing
• How ‘Doing Nothing’ Does Something Big for HSPs

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Anxiety and Depression appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I am so relieved. We made it through another summer here in the Northern Hemisphere. You know what I’m talking about, right? Summer as a highly sensitive person (HSP). Ugh. All that pressure. Be perky and energetic. Have picnics with Uncle Jim and Aunt Betty and their eight obnoxious kids. Sweat. Go camping in remote locations without indoor plumbing, mosquito netting, or WiFi. Take vacations in smelly hotels without special pillows and the perfect mattress. Swim in chlorinated waters. Make the obligatory trip on the crowded plane to see the annoying relatives in Mississippi. Wear sleeveless shirts and swimsuits that reveal less attractive body parts. Fire season. (And I can go on…)

So, now, finally, many of us (like where I live, in the Pacific Northwest) are in autumn. In my opinion, fall is the best season for HSPs. Here is why. 

10 Reasons Why Fall Is the Best Season for Highly Sensitive People. Here’s Why.

1. You can breathe again. (Literally.)

In the fall, the air is cleaner and cooler. It smells delicious after a refreshing rain. HSPs have finely-tuned bodies that can be easily disturbed by chemicals and pollutants — we’re prone to chemical sensitivity — so clean, fresh air is rejuvenating. The perfect breezes of autumn are light caresses on our sensitive skin.

2. The days are getting shorter, which means less glaring sunlight at every turn.

In addition to chemical sensitivity, many HSPs suffer from light sensitivity, too. Thankfully, these days, there is less of that obnoxious, blinding, penetrating sunshine. 

HSPs have the capacity to find poetry and peace in a deep, rich, sensual darkness, like when a starry moonlit night sings its bittersweet, melancholy songs. We also appreciate dusk — watching the sunset is a seemingly small thing that can elicit big emotions, as the little things in life make us happy.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

3. Temperatures are not too hot and not too cold — they’re just right. 

In autumn, the weather is pretty perfect. Sensitive people can feel subtle changes in barometric pressure and are often affected by extremes in temperatures. Both extremes — too cold, too hot — can be uncomfortable, overwhelming, and even exhausting at times. It is a relief to be able to relax outdoors and be nourished in nature. (Plus, nature is the perfect cure for overstimulation!)

4. You get to wear your favorite cozy sweaters and soft, fuzzy socks (every day if you want!).

During stressful times, HSPs need to find simple ways to feel safe, so a favorite sweater (or other piece of clothing) can do the trick (especially since we HSPs are very sensitive to materials).

It is an easy solution, and most people will probably not even notice your consistency! But you will receive a sweet little hug (so to speak) from your sweater every day. 

5. You have a built-in “excuse” to cuddle with your favorite pet or person.

With the dip in temperatures, now’s the time to find your favorite person (or pet) and get in some quality cuddle time. After all, highly sensitive people have a special connection to animals — we “get” them the same way they “get” us — so they can be very nurturing for us.

Plus, in autumn, the pace is slower, which aligns better for HSPs and their significant needs for serenity. (We hate being rushed!)

6. HSPs’ aesthetic senses are nourished when the leaves on the trees change to brilliant reds, oranges, and goldens. 

HSPs are particularly aware of visual beauty in nature, and appreciate the trees and their colorful contribution. The softness of early morning light in autumn is a sensual delight, as well. Taking in these natural delights can be breathtaking and a stunning reminder of the beauty all around us on planet Earth. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

7. School starts again and, for many people, this is good. 

HSPs love learning and the prospect of a new school year — with a fresh start and bubbling potential — is exciting (but not too exciting). If we are parents, our kids are gone for the day and there is some welcome peace and quiet. 

8. Since it’s cooler outside, it’s easier to enjoy outdoor activities (before the frigid winter sets in).

When it is fall, it is not winter, with the excessive cold or snowstorms that may trap an HSP at home or leave us without electricity, which can disturb our HSP equilibrium. (We like, and need, our alone time, but too much solitude — and not by choice! — is another story!)

So ‘tis the season to go apple-picking and visit a pumpkin patch — then return home and back an apple or pumpkin pie. And, speaking of pumpkins…

9. Pumpkin-everything, everywhere.

Am I the only one who can’t get enough pumpkin products? And, luckily, they sell pumpkin everything at Trader Joe’s. Pumpkin spice coffee. Pumpkin cereal. Gluten-free pumpkin pancake mix. Pumpkin butter. Pumpkin tortilla chips (my favorite). Pumpkin cream cheese spread. Pumpkin ravioli. And more. 

The flavor of pumpkin can remind HSPs of peaceful days and comforting times, which helps soothe our overstimulated soul in a very natural way.

10. It’s the perfect time to decompress from the hectic summer before the hectic holiday season.

Winter brings with it overwhelming anxiety and commercialism of the hectic holiday season, which can leave us with even more anxiety and overwhelm. But fall is perfect. It is not yet spring, with the pressure to come out of hibernation and take off our cozy sweaters (when the blossoming trees and flowers are triggering our allergies). And then spring also ushers in the extremes of summer (and you already know how I feel about summer). 

So relish the fall — curl up in your HSP sanctuary (maybe with some pumpkin tea or pie) and appreciate the privacy, quiet, and the welcome escape of a great book. Or just take a nap. Or do nothing (which is still something).

Writing (poetry, fiction, you name it) and/or keeping a journal are more autumn-like pursuits, too, for HSPs make great writers. Whether you want to journal to reflect on your year so far (and how it is entering a new season, literally and figuratively) or are feeling creative and want to do some non-journal writing, now’s the time. Plus, these activities help soothe the HSP’s frazzled soul and remind us of simpler times.

You might like:

• How to Create Your Own HSP Sanctuary
• These 8 Things Bring Peace to Highly Sensitive People
• How ‘Doing Nothing’ Does Something Big for HSPs

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Fall Is the Best Season for Highly Sensitive People. Here’s Why. appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I hate to admit it. I actually do not even believe it. But I am 70 years old. I suspect 70 sounds old to you. It does to me. Medicare. Social security. Bone scans. Lucky for me, in 2022, 70 is the new 50. But still.

I can no longer say I am middle-aged, even though I feel about 35. It is strange to be this old and to imagine the end is in sight. To be this age and think, what do I have left to do? What do I want to be sure to do — and say — before it is too late? How have I lived? How have I loved? In what ways might I love more openly and deeply, and how might I continue to contribute to creating a more peaceful, sustainable world — especially as a highly sensitive person (HSP)?

What, then, might I tell you about my life as an (older) HSP that will provide some guidance, reflection, and relief? Maybe even a little peace, harmony, and delight? What follows are 10 things I’ve learned as a highly sensitive person over the years.

10 Things I’ve Learned as an ‘Old(er)’ Highly Sensitive Person 

1. Sensitivity is the real key to the kingdom.

Being popular, loud, and boisterous is overrated. I wish I had known I was not “too sensitive,” “too dramatic,” “too moody,” “too annoying,” or “too” anything when I was younger — after all, nearly 30 percent of the population is highly sensitive, so I am hardly a rarity.

I wish I had known I was an HSP and just had a richer, lusher, and more complex rainforest mind, which meant I had just the right amounts of sensitivity, drama, moods, and annoyingness for my particular miraculous personhood. 

It may be that popular, loud, and boisterous begets prom queens/kings. But if you are no longer in high school, turn the pressure off. I remember thinking I was a wallflower and a wet blanket in those days. Now, I hug that lonely teen and tell her: Sensitivity is the real key to the kingdom. 

2. Behind the scenes is where the power lies. 

It looks like the celebrities, actors, and famous athletes are having the most fun and wielding the most influence. But, in reality, I beg to differ.

The writers, artists, stage managers — as well as the quirky, quiet creators and tender-hearted — are the ones to truly admire. They are the ones who will change, and are changing, the world. You see, they use their sensitivity — and all the traits that come with it, like being creative and thinking deeply — to help create their masterpieces.  Whatever we HSPs set our minds to, by following our passion and purpose in life, we can achieve it. 

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

3. Be less obsessed with your “imperfect” body and “unruly” hair. 

When I think back to all the hours I spent straightening my hair, I could have been learning Portuguese or signing up for a travel abroad program. All the time I spent thinking I was not attractive enough, I could have realized that having smooth, non-sagging skin is beautiful, all you need, and should not be taken for granted. 

And, speaking of taking things for granted, breathing, walking, hearing, seeing, tasting, touching… you get the idea. 

I am now not taking even the seemingly simple things for granted. You shouldn’t either. After all, we HSPs are very good at taking in all the little details. So when it comes to noticing the tiny things about ourselves, let’s cherish them, not shun them.

4. Don’t wait to explore intuitive and spiritual realms.

Many HSPs are highly intuitive — it is part of the sensitivity package. If I were to go back in time, I would give myself more permission to explore the intuitive, the psychic, the metaphysical, and the spiritual realms much earlier. That way, I might have found a sense of connection and belonging sooner. 

I did finally find it in a spiritual practice that combines singing, dance, channeling, meditation, and writing. The connection has been so nourishing and magical. I think we all need it for guidance, support, and love, especially during these times. Do not wait any longer.

Of course, the way you explore these realms will be unique to you — your spirituality could be taking walks in nature, feeling a connection with a tree or a river, prayer, mindfulness, shamanism, or religion, for example. There are many possibilities. 

5. Believe it: Psychotherapy is cool (and often more helpful than you may realize).

I am glad I had the good sense to start seeing a psychotherapist in my 30s. I recommend it, especially if you had any sort of dysfunctional family. (And I’m not just saying this because I am  a licensed psychotherapist!) Many types of therapies have made all the difference for me. I am here writing to you today because of the healing I was able to do, and continue to do, actually. Even now. 

Inner work is often lifelong if you are deep, complex, and seeking to make a difference on planet earth, which many HSPs are determined to do (quietly, of course). If you are on Instagram, you have seen how many thousands of followers some therapists have. Psychotherapy is now cool.

But explore it beyond social media, too. There are so many ways to find a therapist, and many give sliding scale rates, as well. Even if you don’t love the idea, therapy is often more helpful than you may initially realize.

6. Nourish your loving friendships and let go of toxic ones.

Look for other HSPs when you are doing activities you enjoy. I have been very good at this. I trust my intuition and find the people who are smart, big-hearted, and sensitive. I take the initiative to build a connection with them until they are able to reciprocate and realize how fortunate they are! 

You can find good friends at any age. It might be harder once you are out of school and living a busy life. But good friendships are essential. Make the time to find them and feed those relationships.

At the same time, some of your friendships may no longer be right for you. Allow them to fall away. There is only so much time in life; don’t waste it with toxic friends or unsafe friendships. 

And that reminds me, you will need to learn how to say “no” more often. Chances are, you have lots of compassion and want to help others. But “yes” is not always the right answer. It will be good to tune into your deeper knowing and build some healthy boundaries. I am really good at saying “no,” and it has served me well. (I know it can be a challenge, though, as an HSP!) But your friends will thank you, and even appreciate you more, as a result.

7. Heal painful old patterns to find, and build, a healthy partnership.

This one has taken me the longest time to learn. I see the tendency in myself (and my clients) to choose partners who replicate patterns set up in childhood. It takes quite a lot of inner healing work to bring these patterns to consciousness and start to shift them. But if I can do it, so can you. 

There are a combination of factors that bring people together. It is a bit of a mystery. But, certainly, patterns from childhood are a big part of the mix. I knew this for years, but still fell into the typical traps. In my case, I chose partners who were not willing to examine their own past childhood traumas and wounds — and so they remained stuck in their depressive, anxious, limited states. They did not manage to grow along with me, and so eventually, the partnerships had to dissolve. 

I have come a long way healing from my past and letting go of ancestral legacies of suffering. I am comfortable in my (sagging) skin and ready to receive and give some full-hearted, unambiguous love. This is key to unlocking a healthy, thriving partnership. 

So, take time to get conscious of your unresolved issues if you are looking for love. And, if you are in a partnership now, there are many resources for resolving conflicts and continuing to grow together. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

8. Take time to explore the childfree vs. parenting conundrum.

I am happily childfree. I always enjoyed being with kids and had an early career as a teacher, which I loved. But I was also happy not to take them home with me. My introversion, sensitivity, and desire to create a fulfilling career steered me away from a parenting lifestyle. I am still quite content with that choice. 

My only very small twinge of doubt comes as I see my friends with children and grandchildren, counting on their kids to be around if any unwanted age-related disabilities rear their ugly heads. I would not want to burden my offspring with my ailments. There are better reasons to have children. And yet…

It may be a difficult choice for you. Or you may have known all along that parenting was a deep desire. With their empathy, deep thinking, and all-around creativity and goodness, HSPs make some of the best parents around. 

Yet my choice to be childfree has added extra motivation to take care of my physical and mental health. So far, so good. 

9. Jump on the self-care train.

I will be your role model for self-care. You might say I am the self-care queen, although I am really more the self-healing and preventative-maintenance queen. 

Over the years, I have been a client in therapy and explored many therapy modalities. I have seen other practitioners for acupuncture, energy work, massage, and more. Of course, this healing track would also include nutrition and other details that your sensitive body and mind needs for comprehensive care. 

Yes, I know self-care is almost cliché these days. But as a highly sensitive soul, find the particular methods and modalities that fit for you. Perhaps you, too, go beyond self-care to self-healing and preventative-maintenance.

10. Trust yourself and find your particular path (or paths) to your purpose. (You are never too old to make Instagram videos.)

It is never too early — or too late — to imagine you are on planet earth for a reason and to build the courage, strength, sense of humor, and self-confidence to access it. Be authentic, be you. 

You do not need to follow anyone else’s path, even if it looks conventionally successful and everyone else seems to be doing it. Some of my most productive years were in the last decade. I started my blog at the age of 62 and got my first book published at 64. And at 70, I am working on book three. As soon as there is a little less COVID-19 pandemic, I will get back to dancing the Argentine tango, which I discovered at 47. I have just started making Instagram videos this year, too. So, you see, it is never too early — or too late. 

Aging Is Wonderful — Especially as an HSP

If you are reading this, you are already on your way to aging gracefully — and mindfully — since you have identified as an HSP and are seeking more self-understanding. 

So what are your next steps? 

How are you living? How are you loving? In what ways might you love more openly and deeply? And how might you continue to contribute to creating a more peaceful, sustainable world? So that when you are 70 and speaking Portuguese, letting your hair go wild, and changing the world, you will know exactly where your power lies. 

For more examples, suggestions, and resources, read Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth. 

You might like:

• How Discovering I’m an HSP at 50 Changed My Life
• If You Do These 7 Things, You’re Probably an HSP
• How to (Actually) Find Your Purpose as a Highly Sensitive Person

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post What I’ve Learned as an ‘Old(er)’ Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

There is no better time to figure out who you are and what you are here to do. And to do it. No better time. 

Let’s face it. We highly sensitive people (HSPs) are not just on planet earth for the fun of it. (Are we having fun yet?) Not just here for the pizza. Not even just here to smell the roses. Highly sensitive folks are on a mission. You have a role to play. A destiny. Why else would you be so darned intricately perceptive? So indiscriminately compassionate? So crushed by the human tendency to ignore long-term consequences for short-term gain? So aware of the emotional instability of your Aunt Lucille and her neighbors?

But where do you begin, you ask? You have known this for some time, you say. But so many disturbing events (news overload is real!) — and your vulnerable, tender heart — have sent you running the other way, into panic attacks, hopelessness, and your mother’s old stash of weed. 

Well… I have some thoughts. I will start with obvious, simple ideas. You can warm up through them. (And you may already be doing many of them.) Then, I will share some less obvious suggestions and resources that are particularly designed for your highly sensitive, sweet soul. The ones that can lead to finding your mission. Your destiny. The ones where you begin to do what you are here to do. Your purpose.

4 Simple Ways HSPs Can ‘Step Up’ (for Starters)

1. Educate yourself about the climate crisis. 

You might be tempted to avoid the climate crisis topic because it is so pressing and so terrifying. Don’t. Two of the people I follow are Britt Wray, and her book Generation Dread, and Dr. Kimberly Nicholas, and her book, Under the Sky We Make. You may know of Joanna Macy, too. Her latest updated book, Active Hope: How to Face the Mess We’re in with Unexpected Resilience & Creative Power, is excellent. 

If you are a parent, a good book is The Parents’ Guide to Climate Revolution by Mary DeMocker. It includes many actions you and your family can take. Join one of the climate organizations. Make contributions to groups that are taking action. Join with others to process your emotions (which is especially important for HSPs). Reduce your carbon footprint. Live more sustainably. If you need an idea (or several), this is the book for you.

2. Vote — and take a stand for what you believe in.

You may think that voting does not matter. That all politicians are corrupt. That they are all the same. This is not true. I repeat. This is not true. Without naming names, I am sure you can identify folks who have very destructive views and who make very toxic decisions. 

So instead of complaining about it, do something. Express your opinions to the people in office. Politicians still respond if enough constituents complain to them or praise them. Even if you are put off by the rhetoric or the rancor, do not let that stop you from voting. It makes a difference. Consider running for office yourself. Imagine if we had HSPs in politics! In any case, highly sensitive people are the activists we need!

3. Support BIPOC businesses, writers, and artists. 

This is one way to start to address some of the injustice and inequity in our world — support BIPOC businesses, writers, artists, you name it. Examine your own biases. Talk to people in your community who disagree with you, and listen deeply. Read Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson. Follow Van Jones on Instagram. Listen to Van Jones’ and Jon Stewart’s podcasts. Follow Glennon Doyle everywhere. Contribute to her activist organization, Together Rising. Find housing for a refugee family. Start your own nonprofit. Write that blog you have always wanted to start and get your voice out there. Other HSPs need to hear from you (we make great writers, after all!).

4. Start or join a silent book club (or some other type of organization).

If you are lonely and needing to find friends, but do not know where to start, starting (or joining) a silent book club is a non-threatening way to do so. You do not even have to talk to the other members. You just read together. It is kind of perfect, especially if you are an introvert (and around 70 percent of introverts are highly sensitive). 

No matter what type of club or organization you join (or start!), you will not be on your own. You will have community — which is vital for HSPs — and feel less alone in the world. It will then be easier to feel your strength and capacity to be your authentic self.

Now, if you’re struggling to find ways to discover what you are here to do, look no further than the tips below.

5 Ways to Discover What You Are Here to Do

1. Fight the urge to feel hopeless — find inspiration all around you (like through books, art, music, nature).

It is easy to feel hopeless and powerless these days. Instead, allow yourself to rely on your natural idealism, even if everyone around you is cynical. Trust your capacity for empathetic idealism. Find inspiration in books, art, music, and nature.

For example, I am reading Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole by Susan Cain. This book is very much a guide for HSPs. In it, Cain asks the question “What are you longing for?” She goes on to ask, “…what is the thing you long for most, your unique imprint, singular mission, wordless calling? Have you asked where on earth is your closest approximation of home?… What is the ache you can’t get rid of — and could you make it your creative offering?…” 

Her book can help you start to explore and answer these key questions. Questions that will lead you to your mission. If there is only one thing you have time to explore, find the answer to “What are you longing for?”

On the other hand, if spending time in nature soothes you, do it. If you are a book nerd, an art lover, and if music makes your heart sing, be sure to spend as much time as you can filling up with these inspirational outlets.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

2. Strengthen your sense of self and heal any unresolved issues from childhood. 

It is not unusual to have early painful childhood experiences and trauma that create distorted beliefs about who you are and what you are capable of. And if you’re an HSP, these may be even more deeply rooted.

You may be told that what happened in the past will not influence your present, but that is just not the case, particularly if you grew up in a dysfunctional family where there was neglect or abuse. As a sensitive child, you may have been particularly vulnerable. 

The good news is, psychotherapy works. Healing is possible. Over time, you can embrace and reparent all of the wounded parts of yourself. And, as the healing happens, you can find your authentic voice and your path to your purpose. 

One good therapy structure is the Internal Family Systems model. (Look for the book No Bad Parts by Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D.) And a creative way to work on yourself is via Seena B. Frost’s process, Soul Collage. Glennon Doyle’s book, Untamed, also provides a good overview for inner work. 

If you are drawn to the arts, it can be quite therapeutic to express your grief, anger, sorrow, and loneliness through stories, music, poetry, dance, and any other forms of self-expression. I have kept journals for years, and they have been a powerful place to process feelings, let go of burdens, and find my authentic voice. 

3. Develop your intuition and create a deeply nourishing spiritual practice. 

Keys to finding your direction and purpose lie in the careful listening to your intuition and the deepening of your spiritual practice. HSPs are made for this. Your sensitivity informs your intuition. When you tune into your inner voice, answers come. 

One tool I have found particularly useful is writing a question in my journal and then writing the response, expecting the answer to come out of my pen. I visualize an inner advisor who has all of my answers. Or I ask my future self what I need to know. It can take practice to allow the answers to flow, so be patient if this is new for you. But the more you do it, the more insightful you’ll find it — trust me.

And as far as a spiritual practice goes, it will support your intuition and provide the foundation you will need to find your mission and step up to make it happen. Whether you find your spiritual strength in nature, meditation/mindfulness, yoga, religion, martial arts, prayer, or elsewhere, make time every day to tune in and feel the love waiting for you. 

If you’d like a boost, there is a spiritual network based on the book Evolutionary Relationships, by Patricia Albere, that is a community of people practicing an extraordinary new way to evolve humanity into a unity consciousness. It is worth exploring — or at least looking into. 

4. Learn about your “rainforest mind.”

Many HSPs have what I call “rainforest minds.” If you have a rainforest mind, you are not only highly sensitive and empathetic, but you are also extremely intellectually curious, you love learning, and are both quite analytical and creative. You have high standards and expectations for yourself, and others, along with many interests and abilities. 

If misunderstood, you can feel confusion, intense self-doubt, and great frustration. You can even be misdiagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), or bipolar disorder. As a result, you may minimize, or hide, your intellectual capabilities.

Reading about this in my book, Your Rainforest Mind, can provide the explanation you need to understand the reasons for your loneliness, your need for intellectual stimulation,  and your drive to make an impact and create a better world. Knowing this information will help you find others with rainforest minds — that way, you’ll have suitable companions as you find, and live, your mission. Other important related books are The Gifted Adult, by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen, PsyD, and Living with Intensity, by Susan Daniels. 

5. Share your highly sensitive self with the world. 

For this point, this quite says it all:

“We stand on the threshold of a great unknown. Individually and collectively, we launch into an uncertain future — at once, both perilous and saturated with possibility. Our accustomed, culturally-determined roles and identities are inadequate to navigate the sea change of our time. Our collective journey requires a radical shift in the human relationship with the community of all life — a cultural transformation so profound that future humans might regard it as an evolution of consciousness. Safe passage requires each of us to offer our full magnificence to the world.” ~Animas Valley Institute

So, my fellow highly sensitive souls, do it — now. Find your mission. And be your magnificent self. There is no better time. Really.

For more suggestions and resources, read Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth.

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

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• HSPs Are the Activists We Need — Even in a Chaotic World
• Why ‘Community Care’ Is Just as Important for HSPs as Self-Care
• How to (Actually) Find Your Purpose as a Highly Sensitive Person

The post Now Is the Time for Highly Sensitive People to Step Up appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

As a highly sensitive person (HSP), you probably know a lot about crying and grieving. Maybe even about falling apart. 

That said, you may have been told many times to pull it together, to toughen up, to not be so sensitive. You may have been told your feelings are not valid or to just get over it or to stop wallowing, what’s done is done. 

Perhaps you even say this to yourself. 

But your empathy, introspective nature, sensitivity, and intelligence, all make you prone to a deep emotional capacity and an openness to growth, expansion, and transformation. Which often requires crying, grieving, and, yes, falling apart. 

And that is good news. 

Because crying, grieving, and falling apart can lead you to your path, your next steps, your creativity, and your spiritual self. 

Let me tell you how.

Why We Cry, Grieve, and Sometimes Fall Apart

I am a psychotherapist, so I have seen a lot of crying (and done a lot of it myself). I encourage it. There is so much to cry about these days. You may have many personal reasons to cry. Perhaps someone you love has died from COVID-19. You may have lost your job. You could be going through a divorce. Conflict in your family or community may be overwhelming you.

If you were raised with abuse or neglect, you might have unhealed trauma and may be feeling lonely or fearful or constantly on guard. Stressful events may trigger your anxiety so that it is hard for you to manage your emotions and your life. 

Or, on a larger scale, you might be in despair over the climate crisis, racism, corruption in politics, and the inability for many humans to be kind or generous or to live in peace.

In all of these cases, and more, you have every right to be sad and to process your grief. To find safe people and places where you can express yourself and receive support. You are particularly sensitive and empathetic, which means you will feel these things more deeply than many people. Instead of bottling them up or pretending you are fine, your body-mind-spirit needs you to acknowledge your feelings and release them. 

As an HSP, you not only feel your own intense emotions, but you also absorb the tensions of those around you. You care about others and want to help. Without having ways to let go of the stress and anxiety — and to examine and understand it — you can develop unwanted body symptoms, anxiety, and/or depression. 

Which leads us to the falling apart. What do I mean? Sometimes, allowing your emotions to flow, you can feel worried that you will lose control and never stop crying once you start. I am not suggesting you become so overwhelmed that you cannot function. A total meltdown is not usually helpful. But falling apart may look like moments of surrender, emotional release, and processing — and these moments of letting go are necessary. They will set the scene for the powerful rebuilding, reconstruction, and rebirth that will happen on the other side. 

How to Cry, Grieve, and Fall Apart Safely 

First, let me say that if you are experiencing severe bouts of anxiety or depression, please look for a good therapist. There is still a stigma against therapy in many families and communities, but don’t let that stop you. Finding a professionally trained individual, who can walk with you through your healing journey, is a courageous choice. And, of course, you do not need to be in an extreme situation to choose psychotherapy. In my humble and biased opinion, the world would be a better place if everyone had a therapist guide.

Whether you choose therapy or not, there are ways to work through your grief. As an HSP, you are likely to already have a trusty journal. But if you don’t, now is the time to get one. I have kept journals for years and they are the best listeners I know. Writing freely (without censoring) can be a great release and also a way to learn more about the reasons for your sadness. You can write letters you do not send. Speak to your wounded inner child. Express your anger and despair. Sort out what emotions belong to you and which ones are not yours: Imagine that you are giving the tensions and anxieties back to the people who are the real owners. Write about it. Your journal will not judge you.

If writing is not for you, perhaps find a sketchbook where you draw your thoughts and feelings. There are also journals and sketchbooks with watercolor paper where you can paint, if that appeals to you. Both writing and drawing are ways to not only let go of unwanted fears and anxieties, but they are also ways to gain greater self-understanding and self-compassion.

For another creative process, try Seena Frost’s method called Soul Collage. She uses collage and intuition as a way to gain self-awareness and insight. It is a powerful tool — you not only combine images, but you also read the cards, as you might read from your very own tarot deck. As an HSP, tapping your creativity can lead you to finding your strengths and a direction for your life’s work.

If you are looking for inner work that also addresses your larger concerns about humanity and the planet, read Untamed by Glennon Doyle. She combines her personal story with meaningful suggestions for self-acceptance and ways to contribute to create a better world. It will help to know that you are not alone and there are others working for a more peaceful society and world, too.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

Grief Nourishes Creativity and Spiritual Growth

You might still be unsure how crying, grieving, and falling apart would have any positive benefits, but I see the benefits over and over again with my clients — and myself. In fact, it opens the door to greater self-acceptance, and even creative and spiritual expansion. 

It makes sense that if you are anxious, depressed, or worried about the future — and you try and repress or ignore those feelings — your path to growth and expansion is likely to be blocked or stuck. It takes quite a bit of energy to deny those emotions or to pretend you are not as sensitive as you are. However, instead, that energy could be used to find your authentic path and your true voice.

If you allow yourself to open to what is troubling you and you explore it, there are jewels to discover under the pain. And that is where your creativity is hiding. Where your connection to Spirit is strong. I have always loved Adrienne Rich’s poem Diving into the Wreck because it explains this beautifully. If you dive into yourself and swim around in the “wreck,” you will find the treasure chest that went down with the ship. I also like an analogy of a well. You go down deep into the well of your grief, but if you go far enough, you swim out into the underground stream that is pure, fresh, and free.  

Joanna Macy, an environmentalist activist, has led groups for years with this concept related to climate and the well-being of the planet. She says that when her participants feel into their despair and are supported through it, creative ideas and spiritual guidance is the result. 

Similarly, my counseling clients have allowed me to join them as they courageously grieve for the young parts of themselves that were abandoned or abused; they cry over their losses and fears. It takes time, but on the other side, they find their strength, take back their power, and find creative and spiritual paths that lead to creating a better world — for themselves and at large. 

In my journey, I, too, have cried a million tears, grieved, and fallen apart… many times. I have worked with psychotherapists, my journal, and other healers. Through it all, I have found my creative voice and a connection to a spiritual support team, a kind of invisible, loving, guidance system. And it has brought me here. To my sweet, satisfying, and rewarding path as a psychotherapist and writer. 

So, together, dear sensitive ones, let us cry, grieve, and fall apart. Into our vital, creative, and spirit-filled lives.

For more suggestions and resources, read Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth.

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• Do You Cry Easily? You Might Be a Highly Sensitive Person
• Why It’s So Hard for HSPs to Let Go
• 9 Ways for Empaths to Deal With Grief, According to a Funeral Director

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post The Secret Benefits of Crying, Grieving, and Falling Apart, According to a Therapist appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

No one is immune to the hectic harrowing holiday season hoopla. You may think that you are the only one bewildered, lonely, or sad. You aren’t.

And if you are highly sensitive and have high ethical standards and a social conscience, this may be a particularly tough time. It is a crazy world right now. If you are like me, single and childfree, you might have mixed feelings while you watch the frenetic humans running hither and yon.

But whether you are single and childfree or not, here are my recommendations to survive this hectic season.

How to Survive the Holidays as an HSP

If this is a difficult and anxious time of the year for you, know that you are not alone. Even those people with the big, seemingly happy families that you see on Facebook or Instagram are probably actually not that perky. They most likely have one or two or ten obnoxious relatives who dominate the conversation, drink too much, bully the children, and bring an orange jello mold to every event.

Now is a great time to rethink your holiday traditions, habits, or expectations. What is it that you really want to do? Who do you really want to be with? What if this were your last holiday season? How would you spend it? Don’t wait until next year.

Design a spiritual practice that supports your particular connection to the Force. By Force, I mean your connection to a higher power or an inner guidance network, or to your religious affiliation. Maybe it includes a tree with ornaments. Maybe it includes the score to the musical Hamilton. Maybe it includes candles and wine. Perhaps you sit with the oak in your yard or you do tai chi by the lake. Whatever it is, make it yours. Let the Force be with you.

Appreciate the quiet and peace in your home. Notice your favorite parts of your surroundings.

Consider ordering takeout for your holiday meal. Do not feel guilty. 

Start a blog. It’s a great way to express yourself and to feel loved. If writing isn’t your thing, consider painting, composing music, or anything else creative.

Move your body in ways that work for you. This can include exercise. It is not a great idea to spend the holiday season curled up under blankets eating pie. I recently discovered Katy Bowman’s Nutritious Movement. You might also find it a good alternative to sitting through too many episodes of Longmire.

If you are single, get the book Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. The author, Sasha Cagen, must have a rainforest mind. She is smart, sensitive, funny, and she dances the Argentine tango. Sasha created a movement for single folks who cherish their solitude, want to find a mate, but who would rather be alone than settle for just anyone.

 If you don’t have children of your own, find some young, deeply cared-for children. They might be family members or friends’ or neighbors’ kids. Watch them as they unselfconsciously sing and dance to the songs from Moana. It will give you hope for the future. This is what love looks like.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

HSP, Remember This

 And remember the following:

1. You are not too sensitive if you are easily overwhelmed by the holiday muzak, the florescent lights, the crowds, the frenetic meaningless pace, and the smell of stale popcorn at the shopping mall.
2.  You are not a failure as a human being if your siblings went to Stanford and are all doctors and have two and a half kids and you are still wondering what to do when you grow up because you took a detour into drug treatment and psychotherapy because your soft heart and gentle spirit needed to heal.
3.  You are not lacking in empathy if you are frustrated and irritated, well, okay, enraged by society’s focus on the status of having more and more stuff, the bigger the better, while others are oblivious to the impact of said stuff.
4.  You are not socially inept or paranoid if you have to abruptly leave a gathering of people who seem happy and charming and delightful but who make your stomach ache, because unbeknownst to your conscious mind, they are really miserable.
5.  You are not an arrogant know-it-all if you choose to wrap the kids’ gifts in newspaper, or if you give your precocious nieces homemade light switch plates instead of Barbie dolls, or if you choose funding a homeless family over yet another plastic giraffe for your adorable nephew.
6.  You are not a bad daughter/son if you have mixed feelings about attending the family event, and if you make a plan to leave early when your relatives start to berate you about your political or religious beliefs — or about why you didn’t go to Harvard when you had so much potential.
7.  You are not being inauthentic if you consciously avoid certain topics with family members who you know will react with anger or misunderstanding to your attempt to explain, say, your logical reasons for changing your college major for the fifth time.
8.  You are not too persnickety if you start your own holiday rituals and don’t allow your toddler to watch reality TV, use your iPad, or learn how to operate a cell phone.
9.  You are not a failure as a parent if your holiday meal is a flop, if your kids throw their biggest tantrums just when the grandparents arrive, if you still haven’t gotten your hair cut or trained your dog not to beg for food.
10.  You are not an oddball if you question the traditions, religion, or the obsession with television that organizes your family gatherings. Well, maybe you are an oddball in that regard, but there are times when oddballs are needed! This might be one of those times.
11.  You are not too dramatic if you cry when your relatives tease you, well, okay, bully you, because you are following yet another career path, you have stopped straightening your hair, and you are still single.
12.  You are not too intense if you can’t totally enjoy the holiday because people around the globe are suffering, the ice caps are melting, and you are distracted by your need to find and manifest your purpose on the planet.
13.  You are not too idealistic if you believe that it is still possible for a transformation to occur where the people of the world embrace compassion over fear.
14.  You are not alone if you dread the stresses of the holiday season and look forward to the end of said season. And, you are not wrong if you understand the following to be true: You are successfully sensitive, effervescently empathetic, indescribably intense, awesomely authentic, prudently persnickety, illustriously idealistic, and resplendently rainforest-minded. 

Chances are, you won’t be able to completely avoid the hectic, harrowing holiday season hoopla. But you can use it as an opportunity to reassess your life. Your choices. The meaning you want to make. The influence you want to have. Instead of being among the frenetic and the retraumatized, use this time to find your voice. To build your path to a better world.

With or without the orange jello mold.

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• 14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy
• 12 Signs You’re an HSP With a ‘Rainforest Mind’
• Get Ready for the Holidays to Yell in Your Face

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post How to Survive the Holiday Season Hoopla When You’re an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

In times like these, you may wish that you had less sensitivity. Life as an empathetic highly sensitive person is often overwhelming. And that’s even more true when it comes to being the change you want to see.

After all, you may want to take action in some way, but you don’t know what to do that will be impactful without overwhelming you.

You may already have your hands full because your relatives, friends, coworkers, neighbors, strangers, plants, and animals are already clamoring for your assistance.

Or you might feel inadequate because you aren’t the one dragging people out of burning buildings. You aren’t the one rushing into war zones to cover the atrocities.

You might even be falling into despair or anxiety about the state our world is in.

It can all make you want to stay curled up in bed, hidden away from our crazy world. But you need to understand that your sensitivity is a strength, especially when it comes to making a difference. HSPs have traits our world needs — desperately.

Here are 12 ideas I’ve used to create change anyway (without the burnout).

12 Ideas for Highly Sensitive People to Make a Difference

1. Get in touch with the activities and skills that bring you joy, meaning, and fulfillment.

Then, use your creativity to turn one (or more!) of them into a community-building effort or a service project that will change minds and hearts.

Design a project that will spread more love. That will soften the divide and reduce the fear. It doesn’t have to grow into a global phenomenon — but it might.

You may hesitate because you feel that whatever you do won’t be grand enough. Won’t be perfect enough. Don’t let that stop you; these projects can and do grow into movements. For example…

2. Use the internet to find people who are already making a difference in the ways that work best for you. Join them.

Have you heard of the Craftivist Collective? They combine crafting and activism to make items for those in need or to create handmade alternatives to consumer products. (They also have a lovely philosophy: “Our gentle protest approach to craftivism aims to change the world with deliberate, thoughtful actions that provoke reflection and respectful conversation instead of aggression and division.”)

A similar group is called Badass Herstory; check them out. I had no idea that craftivism was a thing until a client told me about it!

Of course, not everyone practices the crafting arts. But there are many options — maybe a solar power collective or, if you garden and grow healthy food, a Gleaners Group to provide nutritional fruit and veggies to those in need.

No matter what your passion is, there’s likely a group that could help you use it to make a difference.

3. Start a silent book club in your town.

The idea is that it’s a low-pressure book club that’s focused on reading, not talking. People each read a book of their own choosing, and at least one hour is silent reading in the same room. After the silent period there’s an (optional!) chance to talk about what you’re reading and hear what others are reading — so you get community as well as a peaceful inner activity.

Soothing, right?

But wait, you might say, this doesn’t sound like a service project! Well, first off, spreading the love of reading has got to be a good thing — especially if you’re providing community for people who would be turned off by more discussion-focused groups. And you could certainly choose to read books with a broader social message, adding more tools to your own toolkit and possibly inspiring others during the optional discussion.

You can even start your own silent book club here.

4. Use art as a way to influence others.

Explore organizations that promote the power of art, such as this one.

Its mission is to: “[P]ersuade by creating moving experiences that prompt people to question the world as it is, imagine a world as it could be, and join together to make that new world real…”

Since so many highly sensitive people are creatives, wouldn’t it be nice to use that creative work to also transform lives?

5. Choose to do some deep psychotherapy around family-of-origin behaviors, patterns, and beliefs.

These are the patterns of behavior you learned growing up, the ones that are your default “toolkit” of how you communicate, handle emotions, and get your needs met. They are deep-seated, usually unconscious, and they can be healthy or profoundly unhealthy.

And, spoiler alert, no matter how “normal” an upbringing someone has, most of us have at least some unhealthy patterns. If we don’t deal with them, we end up passing them on to the next generation, perpetuating the cycle.

You can stop the cycle of abuse in your family line. Find your strength and your voice so that you can relate to others from your own self-compassionate place. Ultimately, it’s not only healthy for you personally — it’s also a way of improving the world for others, especially those you live with, work with, or raise from a young age.

6. Join with climate activists in your state.

Find out how to take action that will influence policy and promote real change. Unlike other forms of activism, many (not all) of the best strategies for climate activism are relatively low-stimulus — they revolve around the political steps you take to pressure officials, the choices you make as a consumer, and your personal habits.

Want suggestions on how to begin? I recommend reading this book by Mary DeMocker.

7. Start a blog or write a book.

You might choose to become a psychotherapist who works with sensitive, empathetic, rainforest-minded souls. (If these adjectives describe you, you can see my blog here or peek at my book.) In my case, my mission is simple: helping these individuals do their inner work will also enable them to contribute in the outer world.

But even a simple, one-person blog (or Instagram account, Youtube series, etc.) can be a force for change if it inspires and helps others take action. Your focus may be different from mine, but the impact you can make is just as substantial.

8. Remind yourself: Just because you can sense someone’s pain does not mean you’re responsible for fixing it.

When you are highly sensitive, that often includes the capacity to feel the emotions of others. You can walk into a room and sense that someone is angry or grieving. It can be hard to not feel responsible for helping when you can see the problem. But, it is complicated. There is a lot that you don’t know. It is not always the best choice to step in. And you are not responsible for fixing everyone’s pain.

You will need to set limits on your helping. I’m not saying that you should shirk your responsibilities. I’m suggesting that it’s healthy to set boundaries and limits some of the time. You can send love to someone who is suffering without taking direct action. If you believe in a spiritual source, you can send spiritual energy, too.

9. Pace yourself.

Just because you can do some things faster, better, and more easily than other people, does not mean that you always have to do that something.

This may be difficult if you have been the family member who everyone relies on or if you survived in your family by taking care of others. If you are very capable in many areas, it can be hard to know what to do and what not to do.  But it is impossible and inappropriate for you to do everything you could possibly do. Exhausting yourself? Not recommended.

Look for the times when you are drawn to something because it is energizing. Head in that direction. You can be influential and of service while at the same time being motivated and fulfilled. In fact, you will be more effective when your heart is singing.

10. You may need to get toxic people out of your life.

Your ability to effect change in the world isn’t just about the outer work you do. It’s also about whether you have the healthy, safe, calm space in your life to do that work at your best — especially if you’re a sensitive person with a limited “battery.”

And getting that space may involve disconnecting from some toxic people.

This is not easy. But chances are, they will get help elsewhere if you step away. You may be enabling them by letting them rely on you. You’ll probably feel guilt. Try to let go of the guilt. Get support from friends and skillful practitioners. Everyone benefits when you stand up for yourself in healthy ways.

One of the best resources I can recommend for this is Christiane Northrup’s book, Dodging Energy Vampires.

11. Self-care needs to be part of your strategy.

Ever heard of activism burnout? It’s real. And it’s avoidable.

You are not a wimp if you need to rest. Finding ways to renew yourself will give you the energy and compassion to help when you are really needed. Self-care is not selfish. For highly sensitive people, it is particularly important to respect your needs for alone time and for limiting your social activities — and yes, even the most soul-fulfilling activism work can have the same impact on your energy as a networking event, party, or other activity. You need to plan the recovery time you need, and use the methods that work best for you to maintain your energy.

When you are refreshed, you can do your best work. Make a list of things to do that feel nourishing and uplifting. Then make a plan to do them.

12. Determine if you have a rainforest mind. Knowing this will help you navigate with more confidence in today’s challenging times.

People with rainforest minds are highly sensitive, empathetic, curious, intelligent, and socially responsible. They can often feel despair because of the suffering they see in their communities and in their world. They also tend to be perfectionists and introspective. Often they feel lonely because others don’t relate to their thirst for learning and their intense emotions.

You may already know if you have a rainforest mind, but if you’re not sure, this quiz will help.

If this is you, you are not alone! And it will change the way you go about your activism both because you’ll understand yourself better, and you’ll be able to leverage your strengths without the drain and despair.

Seek What Magnifies Your Spirit — and Follow It

You’ll need nourishment and nurturing so that you can build your social responsibility plan. Here is some final insight from Maria Popova:

Seek out what magnifies your spirit. Patti Smith [talks about] writers and artists who magnified her spirit — it’s a beautiful phrase and a beautiful notion. Who are the people, ideas, and books that magnify your spirit? Find them, hold on to them, and visit them often. Use them not only as a remedy once spiritual malaise has already infected your vitality but as a vaccine administered while you are healthy to protect your radiance.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

You might like:

• 4 Ways Being Highly Sensitive Is a Divine Gift to the World
• 20 Self-Care Ideas for Highly Sensitive People
• 14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 12 Ideas for HSPs to Make a Difference in the World (Without the Overwhelm) appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I have no trouble saying no. In fact, it is one of my favorite words. No, I will not go camping with you and your 14 friends for three weeks in Antarctica. No, I will not do your homework for you. No, I will not attend the popular gathering of hundreds of old hippies at the Country Faire. No, I will not give you free psychotherapy. No, I will not volunteer 35 hours a week at your favorite dysfunctional nonprofit. No, I will not marry you and your alcoholic family. No, I will not start a business with your homicidal, narcissistic, bankrupt cousin George.

It has always been easy for me to say no. I’m not sure why. My goal is to learn how to say yes more often. But I work as a psychotherapist with many highly sensitive, rainforest-minded people who don’t say no when they should.

And that’s a problem.

(Not sure what a rainforest mind (RFM) is, or if you have one? Many sensitive people do. Individuals with RFMs are highly empathetic, intuitive, creative, gifted, and intense. To learn more, see my post, 12 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person With a ‘Rainforest Mind.’)

If you have a rainforest mind and a difficult time saying no, then listen up. It’s time you start saying no to things that drain your energy. Here’s how.

Why Is It Hard for Sensitive People to Say No?

Why is it challenging for highly sensitive people to say no? There are a number of complicating factors.

HSPs are usually very good at problem solving. You may find an answer before everyone else knows the question. You might have more skills and could fix the issue faster and more easily than anyone else. If you have the insight and skill that will solve a problem, aren’t you obligated to do it?

HSPs often feel a need to be of service. Your intuition and empathy are highly developed. Shouldn’t you share what you know when it could make a difference for someone’s health or well-being? If you’re in a healing profession, this can be particularly difficult. Friends and relatives may expect free treatments. Clients may call in crisis. When you have a sense that a person could run into serious trouble if they stay on their path, aren’t you obligated to intervene?

You may have been told that you are blessed because of your gifts. That you must give back. That you owe the world because you were born with so many advantages. Don’t you owe the world?

And as highly sensitive person with an RFM, you have an additional challenge. You might need to say no more often than others. Not only will you be misunderstood because of your intellectual, emotional, and spiritual complexity, but you will also be seen as particularly odd if, for example, you choose a BBC documentary at home over watching the big game at the downtown pub. If you choose a trip to Powells Books in Portland over the Disney cruise to the Bahamas. If you choose a solo bird watching trek to Arizona over an all-expense-paid vacation in Las Vegas. There will be more times you have to say no because of your sensitivity.

And that’s not all. If you grew up in a seriously dysfunctional family, it may have been dangerous to say no or to ask for what you need. You may have been the caretaker for your siblings or parents. You may have learned that the only safe choice was to deny your own needs and to use your abilities to minimize the abuse. In your psyche, it could still be life-threatening to change that coping strategy.

When You Say No, You’ll Have More Energy

So. Here’s the thing.

Of course, it makes sense that you will be using your gifts to benefit others. That you would share your insights and solutions. That you would respond to your clients during their emergencies.

And yet.

You get to take breaks from changing the world. You get to construct healthy boundaries. You get to relax. You get to take vacations that you want to take. You get to say no. You get to be an HSP. You get to let others save themselves and come to their own conclusions.

In fact, if you’re always rescuing them, they won’t learn how capable they are. They’ll be dependent on you when they need to learn how to find their own way. It may be their appropriate path to make all of those mistakes.

When you learn to say no when needed, you will have the energy to address the most important issues. You will keep your own health intact so that you can shine your light more effectively. You will take the time you need to heal from your traumatic past so that you can be even more fully connected physically, mentally, energetically, and spiritually.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

How to Effectively Say No

If this feels too difficult, start with small steps. Set limits with your golden retriever. Take naps. Stop using the inadequate house cleaner. Assess future clients before you commit to seeing them. Leave the meeting early. Don’t go to the meeting in the first place. Let someone else volunteer to coach the team. Set up a chore chart so family members contribute to housework. Practice saying no to friends and family members who you know will understand.

Here are a few more tips to help you effectively say no:

• Give yourself time to respond to a request. Take the pressure off when you are asked to do something by saying, “Interesting. Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you.” Then take your time and decide. How do you feel when you think about saying yes? Anxious? Exhausted? Drained? If so, that’s most likely a no.
• Plan how to say no. Write it out if you need to. Remember that even if the person is disappointed or angry, you do them a favor by being true to yourself.
• Remind yourself that everyone benefits when you have healthy boundaries. If you tend to be codependent, saying no will decrease any resentment or anger that you harbor when you inappropriately try to please someone else. Your relationships will be more authentic.
• As an HSP, you need plenty of downtime to be your best self. Your sensitivity is not a defect, it’s your temperament. It’s your strength. Let yourself say no when you need downtime.
• If you are a parent, it’s particularly important that you have consistent, appropriate boundaries. Your child needs you to say no when necessary. Your child needs to feel that you are safely and lovingly in charge. If you have RFM kids, they might be able to argue like pros. Be prepared to explain the why of your no, but set those limits when needed.
• Ask yourself, if I say no, am I in danger? If you are actually safe but some part of you feels frightened, imagine that there is a child in you who needs attention. Perhaps your child self was hurt when he or she tried to speak up and get needs met. Listen to that child part, acknowledge the fears, and imagine a safe place for him/her to be while the adult you speaks up.
• Practice self-soothing techniques. Use one of the meditation apps like Calm or Headspace to reduce your anxiety.
• Get therapy if there is a history of trauma. Encourage your partner to get into therapy.

And, if all else fails, promise me: You will not start that business with your homicidal, narcissistic, bankrupt cousin George.

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