We’ve all been there. The gift we ordered for Mom arrives too late, we missed an important deadline, our health insurance denies a costly claim, we get into a fender bender, or our significant other says they “want to talk.” These are daily disappointments we all face, but for highly sensitive people (HSP) — nearly 30 percent of the population — these frustrations can push us to the brink. After all, we tend to be perfectionists, so it’s hard when things don’t go our way…

Here’s an example that happened to me recently. Because of COVID-19, getting my dog, Jackson, into the vet for a check-up — to discusshis aggressive behavior toward other dogs and anything on wheels — had been a huge challenge. I tried five different vets and finally found one who could see him in two weeks. I gathered his health history, planned to walk him ahead of time and, since this was his first visit with me, I wanted to keep him calm. 

I was all ready for the visit — and feeling quite proud of myself for being so prepared — when I realized I missed the appointment by an hour. I’d now have to wait another two weeks to get him in. I’d looked at my calendar the night before — how did I miss it? 

Trying to Make the Most of It

I decided to make the most of it, so Jackson and I headed to a nearby State Park to walk along the waterfront, something that usually soothes my HSP soul. We had just gone the previous weekend, but we love it so much that I’d purchased a season pass so we could go whenever we’d like. Somehow between the previous Saturday and this one, I lost the season pass, a $35 mistake. Plus, when I got to the park, the park ranger asked if I had a pass and I said “Yes.” Now I had inadvertently lied, which I loathe. But wait, there’s more. When we got there, it started raining. It seemed nothing was going my way. 

None of these things by themselves would cause me to lose my cool, but it was one thing after another, and my highly sensitive self was overstimulated by it all. I texted my boyfriend, hoping for a little support or sympathy. Instead, his reply was “Don’t stress.” Really? That’s not what I needed. 

Why are days like this such a big deal? One disappointment too many creates emotional overload and, all of a sudden, everything seems to be falling apart, even if it actually isn’t. While we may be highly sensitive, life’s daily ups and downs don’t have to sink us. Here are seven strategies that help me deal with things beyond my control. 

7 Ways HSPs Can Effectively Deal With Life’s Daily Disappointments 

1. Acknowledge the disappointment or frustration without judgment. 

My first thought after missing the vet appointment was to beat myself up (how could I be so stupid?). But that didn’t solve the problem or make me feel better, so instead I took a few deep breaths and figured out what I could do to rectify the situation. After all, it wasn’t about me; it was about getting my dog the care he needed. While his behavior was concerning, it wasn’t an urgent medical need, and his behavior wasn’t going to change overnight. Problem-solving was the next best thing.

2. Identify possible solutions. 

I called the vet right away to apologize and to ask if they could see Jackson later that day. They couldn’t, but they rescheduled the appointment and let me drop off his paperwork, so at least I was able to check that off my mental “to-do” list. This way, my HSP mind was able to relax more and let that minor frustration go.

3. Practice self-care.

Practice good self-care: take deep breaths, go for a walk, or curl up and take a nap — or maybe all three. We often hear “take deep breaths.” The act of breathing alone causes you to put your attention on something besides your frustration. A walk can do that for me, too (and HSPs love being in nature anyway). A nap works if I can turn my mind off, so it isn’t always foolproof. 

I also learned a mindfulness trick I’d read online: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. By the time you’re done, you might find that you’re a bit calmer (or at least distracted from what originally upset you).

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4.  Choose one of your “go to” activities that always makes you feel better. 

Because I get wound up when I have days like this, I can’t always think clearly to identify those “feel-good” activities, so I have a list of things on my phone that make me feel better. Then all I need to do is choose one: call a friend, take a bath, read a book to help me escape, color, or watch a feel-good movie. By having this list ready, I don’t have to think about what will calm me down, which can also be stressful (“How do I relax?!”). Instead, it is plug-and-play.

5.  Know your limitations and ask for help. 

Let’s say you had a fender bender and your highly sensitive self is triggered by this commonplace-but-still-annoying event. Call someone, like a friend or family member, to come help you. Maybe they can help you call the insurance company, get a rental car, make you a cup of tea, or just listen and give you a hug. 

Caution: Choose the person you call carefully. If it is someone who will make the situation more dramatic than it already is, or who will tell you all about their bad day rather than hearing about yours, call someone else. You want to be heard, not dismissed.

6.  Avoid making other decisions when you are triggered by the little annoyances in life. 

Being on emotional overload is not the time to break up with your boyfriend, quit your job, or tell your BFF you’re really ticked off she wasn’t there for you. Save such decisions and conversations for when you feel calm and can think more clearly. Otherwise, you risk misdirecting your anger or frustration — and possibly damaging an important relationship. Sometimes, you can’t unring the bell.

7. Cut yourself some slack. 

We all have bad days or difficult moments, but they don’t have to rule the day. Take a step back, determine how serious the problem really is, and try to find the humor in it if you can. For instance, last week, I gave my board of directors custom-made “superhero” mugs to thank them for working so hard this past year. When packing my car, I dropped one of the mugs in my driveway and it shattered. That was my mug, so when I passed them out, I joked that I wasn’t quite ready to be elevated to superhero status just yet. 

So try to remember a time when you thought the sky was falling — but you totally nailed it! You’ve probably had way more good days than bad, so try not to sweat this one. You are stronger than you think. 

As HSPs, we know these daily disappointments are going to happen. We can’t avoid them, but we can help ourselves by preparing in advance. Make a list: If this happens, I’ll do A; if that happens, I’ll do B. And so on. That way, when things go to *!@#, like we know they will, you’ll be ready, and the events of the day don’t have to derail you. You’ve got this!

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• How I Deal With Emotional Overload as a Highly Sensitive Person
• A Therapist Explains How Highly Sensitive People Can Tame Perfectionism
• 10 Things That Just Don’t Make Sense to Highly Sensitive People

The post 7 Ways HSPs Can Effectively Deal With Life’s Daily Disappointments appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

When you think of the holidays, what comes to mind? Perhaps images of Christmas trees, menorahs, snow, and lights? What about holiday movies, caroling, and cups of our favorite steaming beverage? Or perhaps, feelings of overwhelm, exhaustion, and chaos? Chances are, if you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you’re familiar with all the above. That being said, there are certain problems around the holidays that HSPs often face. Here are some common ones.

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6 Holiday Problems Only HSPs Will Understand 

1. All the pressure, from gift shopping to endless amounts of small talk

Most people hold the holiday season near and dear to their hearts. And while the holidays are associated with feelings of joy and harmony, this can paradoxically lead to greater pressure for things to be perfect. This is even more true for HSPs due to our people-pleasing nature. 

Unfortunately, the pressure of the holidays can often exacerbate our anxious thoughts and feelings. What gift should I give this person? What if someone else gives it to them? What if they don’t like it? Ugh, another paty I need to attend? I’m so exhausted, but I don’t want to disappoint anyone… They expect me to be interesting while making small talk? How do people do that? Okay, time for me to open this gift– I need to make sure I show them I like it, especially since everyone is watching me. Was my reaction big enough? Was my “Thank you, I love it” good enough? What if they don’t believe me and think I’m grateful and I upset them? 

HSPs want to do our part to make everyone’s holiday experience the best it can be. But this constant pressure can start to weigh on us and detract from our enjoyment of the holiday season.

2. Having to engage in uncomfortable conversations, like “Why are you still single?!”

Most everyone is familiar with the cliché of the family fight during a holiday dinner. Well, clichés are often clichés for a reason. And even if they’re an exaggeration, many folks can relate to engaging in, or at least witnessing, difficult conversations during the holiday season. 

Perhaps there’s something about the merriment that makes your older relatives wonder when you’re going to settle down and get married, have children, get a promotion or another job, develop a cure for cancer… These questions can be awkward and exhausting, especially for us HSPs, who don’t do well with uneasy situations. Not to mention, heated debates about controversial topics, such as politics, religion, even masks and vaccines. Unfortunately, over a year after the 2020 election, we’re still just as divided as ever. And simply by being in the room among these arguments, HSPs can feel the tension to our very core. Speaking of which…

3. Being emotional sponges and soaking up everyone’s emotions 

Between the holiday fights, the screaming children, and everyone’s overall energy, the holidays can be an emotional time. This is challenging for HSPs to navigate, as we are emotional sponges who soak up other people’s feelings. And because all the holiday parties and time with family means more interaction with people, subsequently, HSPs are more susceptible to emotional contagion. (We also have to watch out for emotional vampires who can suck all our energy from us!)

Not to mention, because the holidays are so centered on togetherness and family, this time can also highlight loneliness and exacerbate feelings of loss. Indeed, after almost two years of the COVID-19 pandemic, many of us will be missing our loved ones. Feeling all these feelings can be overwhelming for us HSPs since we’re already emotionally sensitive.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

4. Experiencing way too much environmental stimulation

Due to our sensory processing sensitivity, HSPs are deeply impacted by our environment, making the holidays a particularly strenuous time. Since many of us travel to visit our loved ones, we are outside of our familiar HSP sanctuary. This can be problematic not only because we are in a space that isn’t our own, but also because we have little to no control over factors such as lighting, temperature, scent, noise, and visual stimulation of the area, all of which can significantly contribute to our sense of ease (or lack thereof). 

Even if we stay in our homes, when relatives come to visit, we are still giving up control of our environment when they bring in their belongings, don’t clean up like we would, and don’t follow our household rules, even if unknowingly. Further, the holidays mean more get-togethers, which means more time spent outside of our homes, once again, in environments outside of our control. This much time away from our HSP sanctuaries leads to overstimulation. 

5. Having our schedules change

HSPs thrive having a solid schedule. So when our routine is altered in any way, we are likely to feel thrown off-balance. Traveling for the holidays is time-consuming and leads to jetlag, or at the very least exhaustion from the journey. Since we will have a lot on our holiday to-do list — such as buying gifts, wrapping those gifts, decorating, going to get-togethers (plus time spent getting ready), and preparing for hosting and cleaning up afterwards — we will likely have less time for our usual self-care activities. And with so much to do, sleep will likely be compromised, which is even more essential for HSPs. All of this results in overstimulation. 

6. Just too much to do overall

Speaking of holiday to-do lists, there is simply too much to do over the holidays. All the parties, people, celebrating, travel, and small talk — these can all be an HSP’s worst nightmare. On top of all of this, typically there isn’t adequate time for HSPs to be alone and decompress as we so desperately need to. Our poor sensitive nervous systems are overstimulated and stretched beyond our limits without time to slow down, rest, and recharge, resulting in an “HSP hangover.” And when we are feeling miserable like this, it steals away from what is supposed to be the joy of the holiday season.

Ways to Combat Holiday Stress

Given these holiday problems HSPs are likely to encounter, it is important that we take care of our sensitive souls as best as we can. Here are my therapist-recommended tips on how to best take care of yourself during the holidays.

• Prioritize sleep. Getting enough sleep is crucial for HSPs since our nervous systems need more rest from the overstimulation we experience. Do your best to make sleep a priority by setting boundaries about when you will call it a night and how early you are willing to wake up in the morning.
• Schedule in alone time to do a restorative activity. The constant to-do of the holidays can lead to overwhelm, especially given how much of it is spent with other people. Try to schedule in alone time to decompress while engaging in a restorative activity, such as reading, taking a bath, or meditating. It’s important to remember that we can’t be all things to all people — it’s okay to set boundaries, even during the holidays.
• Try to adhere to your normal schedule as much as possible. Although it’s basically inevitable that the holidays will interfere with our usual routine, it is worth it for HSPs to make an effort to adhere to our schedules as best as possible. This helps to ground us and provide a sense of normalcy.
• Give yourself permission to excuse yourself. When the going gets tough, you don’t have to stay! If someone tries to engage you in a conversation you don’t want to have, politely change the subject or tell them that topic is off-limits. If there is too much stimulation around you, find a place to destimulate alone (perhaps a bathroom, an empty bedroom, or outside). 
• Take advantage of the holiday coziness. Some aspects of the holidays seem as if they were made for HSPs, given the sense of coziness they provide. Light your favorite candle, wrap up in a warm blanket, listen to the crackling of a fireplace, enjoy a cup of hot chocolate or apple cider, or bundle up for a walk in the snow.
• Utilize holiday movies for get-togethers. With the abundance of get-togethers, it is nice when we can make them more low-key. Watching movies is a less stimulating activity, and most holiday films are HSP-friendly, as most are not known to be action-packed or violent (unless you’re one of those folks who counts Die Hard…) Some favorites include It’s a Wonderful Life for a hopeful message, Elf for a good laugh, and The Muppet Christmas Carol for nostalgia.
• If traveling, bring objects that remind you of home. Because traveling means we won’t be in our HSP sanctuaries, bringing items from our homes can help ground us and provide a sense of calm. This might include a cherished photo, a relaxing essential oil, or your favorite foods.
• Have a buffer day. Since most of the holidays are dedicated to being with others and doing activities, before you go back to work, try to set aside a day to just be. (You’ll probably have an “emotional hangover” and will need this alone time.) This means if you are traveling, arrive home two days before you resume your job in order to provide yourself with a buffer day. This gives you more time to readjust, unpack, run errands, do chores, plus breathe and relax. 

The holidays are a special time of year, but they can also bring stress and unique problems for HSPs. Learning how to get through them as a sensitive person is essential in being able to access the joy of this season. 

You might like:

• 10 Things HSPs Dread About the Holidays
• 4 Ways to Navigate the Holidays as a Highly Sensitive Person
• 9 Secret Powers of Highly Sensitive People

The post 6 Holiday Problems Only HSPs Will Understand appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

There are many positives to being a highly sensitive person (HSP). Some are less obvious than others and some remain hidden to the outside world. But what if all the non-HSPs around us knew just what we HSPs bring to the table, in all sorts of situations? 

HSPs have valuable traits and skills that benefit everyone around us — like our heightened intuition and the way we can read how others are feeling before they even utter a word. But there are particular situations where we truly come into our own. Here are 11 of those times. 

11 Moments Where You Really, Really Need an HSP

1. When a fire alarm goes off

Pre-empting danger is an HSP superpower. When that fire alarm goes off, you’ll be glad there’s a highly sensitive person around. We know exactly where the nearest fire escape is located. That notice on the back of the hotel door detailing what to do in an emergency? The one you ignored? We’ve studied it in detail between showering and coming down for dinner. Just in case. So be sure to follow us if that fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and you’re stumbling around all sleepy eyed looking for safety. 

2. When an innovative solution is needed

HSPs are skilled in right brain thinking — we thrive on being able to hone in on an issue and put our problem-solving skills to the ultimate test. Our complex inner lives help us to tap into our creativity — and that translates into creative solutions for you. And be assured, our minds are always on the go mulling over issues, like a hamster on a wheel. In short, we are problem solvers extraordinaire… as long as you give us ample space and time to consider the matter at hand.

3. When you need a reminder that the small things matter, too

HSPs notice the details and thrive on the beauty of the little things around us: the wonder of drops of dew on the lush green leaves on a morning walk, the miracle of a deep crimson sky as the sun sets for the day, the simple joy a favorite piece of music evokes, the smile from a loved one as you enter a room, or a hug that soothes your soul. Even if it is just for a minute. We all get lost in our to-do lists and daily lives — and sometimes need a reminder that the small things may well be the things that matter most.

4. When you need to get things done

You don’t have to tell an HSP twice to get something done. If there’s something sensitive people are, it’s conscientious. Quite simply, we don’t like the consequences of not finishing an assigned task. If the environment is conducive to concentrating, then an HSP will get the job done. As the mother of two HSP middle schoolers, this trait is a godsend when it comes to getting that homework done. As a bonus, if the task relates to a cause that a highly sensitive person cares about, we require little supervision or external motivation. We will get it done.

5. When you need emotional support

When you are in need of a listening ear, then an HSP is there for you. Empathetic is our middle name. We pick up the emotional and non-verbal signals and body language, i.e., all the words you don’t say so you can’t hide emotions from us. We feel the mood in a room and soak up emotions like a sponge. We are invested. It is in our nature to offer a shoulder to lean, or cry, on when things are tough. Don’t ask us to fix your problems for you (that puts too much of a burden on us).But if a listening ear is what you need, then we are there for you. 

6. When you need to make an important decision

If thorough consideration, reflection, and a dash of intuition is what you need, then approach a highly sensitive soul for help. When we make decisions, we don’t make them lightly. You can be sure that we have considered every single pro and every single con — and carefully weighed them up against each other. We have truly considered every outcome. We mull over possible consequences prior to acting. We also remember previous mistakes, process them, and use the learnings to avoid similar mistakes in the future. Conversely, if you want a quick, impulsive decision, don’t come to us.

7. When you need someone to consider the meaning of life with you

We will happily be your sparring partner when it comes to discussing things that really matter: the injustice of it all, climate problems, inequality, our place in the world. What is our purpose? Why are we here? Spiritual matters occupy a space in our heads continually. It doesn’t mean we are religious, but the big complex issues facing the human race are definitely on our preferred conversation topic lists. The hefty challenges facing humanity matter deeply to us. Are you interested in small talk? No thanks.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

8. When you need the errors weeded out

HSPs are perceptive. Tasks that require high attention to detail are tasks made just for us. We see mistakes without looking for them — they seem to jump out at us on a page. We’re the people that can’t just overlook and forgive an error in the book we’re reading; we’re scouring for contact details and emailing the publisher so they can sort it out for the next edition. (That’s not just me, right?) We see errors as if there’s a flashing neon arrow pointing to them. We spot them so you can sidestep them. (You’re welcome.)

9. When you need a good party organizer

We revel in spreading joy and excitement. HSPs like to make others feel good. Situations where people can be together and experience happiness? We are there for you. Attention to detail, anticipating the needs of others, tapping into the emotions of others, thorough planning so that nothing is left to chance, and checking the details, not just once or twice, but meticulously — all skills that make us excellent party organizers. Just please don’t organize a big surprise celebration for us in return.

10. When you need a leader

For all the reasons above, HSPs make effective leaders. As empathetic listeners, HSPs lead with heart and soul and understand the needs of others. They also encourage team members to make valuable contributions and ensure that all voices are heard within a team. Because these are things that genuinely matter to an HSP in the workplace. On the other hand, if you are looking for a leader that dedicates themselves to office politics, lacks ethics, and puts profit first at the expense of people, then put that HSP to the bottom of your selection list.

11. When you need a friend… for life

Quality over quantity: that’s the HSP motto when it comes to friendship. Once you have truly been let into a HSP’s inner circle, you are there for life. Need somebody that seems to know what you are thinking? Has your back when you need support? Makes you feel heard and appreciated? Provides a listening ear and an insightful response? That’s a highly sensitive person. When the friendship is genuine, you get to see the real version of your highly sensitive friend. And that is something special indeed. 

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• 14 Reasons Why I’m Thankful for Being a Highly Sensitive Person
• Why I Love Being Highly Sensitive And You Can, Too
• 18 Things That Fill Highly Sensitive People With Joy

The post 11 Moments When You Really, Really Need an HSP appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

When I asked our social media audience of over 200,000 highly sensitive people what it means to be sensitive, many of the responses were extremely positive. HSPs view their sensitivity as a superpower, and they gave examples of how it made them better friends, spouses, professionals, and leaders. For a lot of people, being sensitive is a gift.

But there was also a darker side that came out. For every response that emphasized the benefits of high sensitivity, there was one (or more) that talked about pain. And highly sensitive people, who process stimulation deeply, feel pain as keenly as a human soul can.

That doesn’t change the fact that being a highly sensitive person is normal and healthy — and there are definitely ways for HSPs to thrive. But the reality is, HSPs may feel the highs higher and the lows lower. And since HSPs are also pretty misunderstood by those around them, the result is that being sensitive can be both a blessing and a curse.

Here are 13 of the challenges HSPs described that come with being sensitive, and four rays of hope I’d like to offer based on HSPs who overcame that pain.

Noticing everything, weeping at the drop of a hat, feeling far too deeply… I get easily overwhelmed by those around me. It can be an avalanche.

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What Is the ‘Curse’ of Being Highly Sensitive?

Why exactly is being sensitive (sometimes) so hard? Here are answers from real highly sensitive people:

• “Being sensitive is like being a walking nerve ending.”
• “I’m only ever as relaxed as the most unrelaxed person in the room.”
• “I care way too much about what other people think and feel, and what they see if they look at me.”
• “The things I observe bring up unpleasant or painful feelings in others that they don’t want to feel… and because they don’t want to feel, they shame me for feeling.”
• “Noticing everything, weeping at the drop of a hat, feeling far too deeply… I get easily overwhelmed by those around me, whether family, friends, or strangers out in public. It can be an avalanche.”
• “If I get asked for a favor and don’t want to do it, I start getting a bad stomachache. I get heavy breathing and anxiety.”
• “It used to mean I cried under stressful circumstances or from words that shouldn’t have hurt me. Now I realize it’s also the reason that I feel deeply for those in my life and what propels me to be kind to them, do things for them, and make sure they’re looked after.”
• “It means sensory overload and [being] so emotional.”
• “It does mean crying a lot (but with therapy I’ve gotten better) but it also means for me, when there’s a lot going on around me, it’s hard to concentrate; all I want is to be away from the stimuli. [And] I have a challenging time making new connections since most people like that noisy atmosphere to meet new friends, like bars or social events.”
• “A life of intensity… the good is really good, and the bad is really bad. There is very little middle ground.”
• “I feel embarrassed and like a horrible person because I’m forever asking people to turn the volume down, point the fan away from me, turn the temperature (up? down? more moderate, anyway), and rushing out of stores with room fragrances.”
• “I need a ‘life’ button to turn down.”
• “A life of emotional pain.”

These HSPs aren’t alone in how they feel. Many highly sensitive people struggle with similar pain points every single day — and for some, the world can seem harsh and simply “too much.” But we know that being a highly sensitive person is NOT a disorder, and that it can actually be an incredible source of strength and wellbeing. So how do you turn your sensitivity into a blessing rather than a curse?

How to Turn Your High Sensitivity into a ‘Blessing’

1. It actually does get better.

If you’re a younger highly sensitive person, you need to know that things will get better. Being sensitive is (usually) not as hard once you develop into your late 20s, 30s and beyond.

There are a lot of reasons why. Part of it is peer group — once you’re out of school, the people around you are a lot less likely to be openly cruel or mock you. Believe me, that’s a godsend.

And it takes time to develop the strategies you’ll use to manage your sensitivity. It does take management sometimes — and lots of self-care — and that’s okay! You’re a finely tuned instrument designed to sense and feel practically everything. It’s normal to get stressed, overwhelmed, and sometimes even crash…. and years of experience will teach you the ways to avoid or minimize that. I promise.

Also: parents are a thing. Many families are clueless about what to do with a highly sensitive person, and they have a huge role in your life even through your 20s. The results can range from simply unhelpful to outright emotional neglect.

2. It’s okay to back away from toxic people.

There may be no greater lesson a highly sensitive person can learn! HSPs can be natural targets for narcissists and bullies, because, according to psychologist Deborah Ward, they “are highly empathetic and care deeply about others, sympathizing with their troubles. They are sensitive to other people’s feelings and often feel the urge to help.”

And that’s a good trait, but it’s not healthy to allow it to be abused. Your happiness and wellbeing will change by orders of magnitude if you back away from toxic people. That doesn’t have to mean a dramatic “friend breakup” or even telling them you’re doing it. It simply means making a purposeful choice to spend less time with them.

Of course, this is easiest to do in social situations, and harder to do with your family or someone at work. Which brings me to….

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

3. Setting boundaries is a game-changer.

Often, highly sensitive people have a hard time saying no. After all, as extremely empathetic people, it really hurts to disappoint someone or let them down.

But setting boundaries is not a disappointment. Boundaries are not walls or dividers — they’re simply a list of what is okay (and not okay) with you. Effective boundary-setting comes down to two things: it’s clear and it’s compassionate yet firm. Both of these can seem daunting, but when you learn to do it, it can be effective even with a boss, relative, or someone else you know you have be around.

You can learn more about how to set boundaries as an HSP here.

4. Therapy is personal-growth rocket fuel for HSPs.

I’ve never met a group of people who seem to get more out of therapy — and enjoy it more — than highly sensitive people. Even the most well-adjusted HSP experiences strong emotions and overwhelm from time to time, and when you factor in that some HSPs are also prone to anxiety, therapy is a powerful tool.

Going to therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s taking control of your life and owning your personality, with all of its rare, wonderful, sensitive parts. In therapy, you can learn techniques to overcome shame and self-doubt, deal with criticism, and deal with “floods” of emotions — among many others. In fact, many HSPs are therapists themselves, including many of the authors on this site.

You might like:

• 5 Essential Things to Tell Your Therapist If You’re Highly Sensitive
• 20 Self-Care Ideas for Highly Sensitive People
• The Challenges of Being an HSP in a Relationship With a Non-HSP

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post The ‘Blessing’ and ‘Curse’ of Being a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Is it just me, or does everything stink?

I’m kidding. But if you’re a highly sensitive person like me, you’re probably nodding your head in agreement (at least on some level) right now. That’s because many — perhaps most — HSPs are sensitive to smells.

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are the 15 to 20 percent of the population whose nervous systems process stimuli very deeply. That doesn’t just mean smells — we’re more sensitive to lights, sounds, and textures. We notice the subtle expressions on people’s faces or an almost imperceptible change in their tone of voice. We even process emotions and ideas very deeply, making us natural creatives and highly empathetic.

But it all comes at a cost, and when your sensitivity includes smells, that cost often means living in a world that is loaded with too-powerful scents.

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What It’s Like Being Sensitive to Smells

If you’re highly sensitive, you already know what I’m talking about because you have likely experienced fragrance sensitivity yourself. But if you aren’t, or you need help explaining the idea to friends or coworkers, here’s a look at my typical day as someone who is sensitive to smells.

As soon as I step out of bed in the morning, I’m inundated with smells. Some of the smells are good ones, because like many HSPs, I’ve carefully cultivated every feature in my home to be exactly as I want it. For instance, I breathe deeply in the steamy shower, refreshed by the delicately-scented shampoo I’ve chosen. Later, the simple, comforting aroma of coffee drifts through the kitchen as I pack my lunch. A single spritz of perfume is all I need — or want — to further brighten my morning. These smells, experienced one at a time and at my own pace, are never overwhelming. In fact, they add a bright drop of beauty to my day.

But then, I step outside.

It’s immediately obvious that my neighbor, who lives four houses away, has already enjoyed a cigar this morning. I smell its remnants in my carport. Yuck. Who needs to have a cigar at 6 a.m., anyway? I plop myself into my car, only to discover evidence of my husband’s late-night run for burgers and fries. Did he leave a wrapper behind, one might ask? No, he did not. I can tell he went out because the scent of meat and vegetable oil left in the car is as strong to my nose, 12 hours later, as if the bag of fast food was still right beside me.

Annoyed, I arrive at work, sure that I smell like a cheeseburger. Work is where the real fun begins. I am a receptionist in a small medical office. My desk is comfortable, but I am in uncomfortably close contact with each patient. Each inhalation will reveal if the person standing in front of me has just finished a cigarette, whether or not they’ve been outside a lot that day, or if they’ve used fabric softener. I want to tell one patient he should have a contractor come out and check his house for leaks, because he smells like a musty basement. Another patient, bless her heart, must have neglected to change her cat’s litter for several days. She reeks of it.

My only saving grace is that my desk sits perpendicular to the suite door. My boss doesn’t mind if I keep the door cracked. The fresh air from the hallway helps to neutralize the smells that people track in with them. It’s literally the only reason I haven’t pushed my desk upside-down in rage from the constant, varying odors.

What Is ‘Smangry’?

You know that word, hangry? It means someone is so hungry that they start to feel angry. We all get hangry sometimes. But I’m going to coin a new term for the fragrance-sensitive people out there. Fellow HSPs, we might get smangry!

A person who is not highly sensitive wouldn’t even notice these smells, and here I am, barraged by the stink. I start to feel worn down, then stressed and overwhelmed, and finally, it makes me irritable and on-edge.

I guess I get smangry a lot. Do you?

The irony is, even when I’m smangry, I don’t want to look or act angry to people who are just living their lives and not meaning to overwhelm my senses. In an attempt not to hurt their feelings, I often excuse my need to leave the door open:

“I like to keep the door cracked because that handle gets stuck and people think the door is locked,” I might say.

Or, “It just gets so stuffy in here. Hot flashes, you understand,” I stage-whisper.

I can’t tell them the real reason that door is open: they smell!

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

5 Tips for Dealing with Smells When You Have Fragrance Sensitivity

I wish I could share with you a long checklist of action steps to take to keep overwhelming odors to a minimum. The truth is, there’s only so much you can do. If you’re sensitive to fragrances, you’re often going to find yourself in situations where you can’t control how the people, places, or activities around you smell.

But there are steps I take to minimize getting overwhelmed by fragrances. Here are five strategies that help me, and if you have fragrance sensitivity, may help you too:

1. Errands

I do my shopping as early in the morning as possible, when fewer people are around. Fewer people = less pungency.

2. Driving

In the car, I keep my windows rolled up and the recirculation on. Bonus: when the windows are up, I can blast the oldies station as loudly* as I want.

*Not as loudly as most people, because as an HSP, it literally shakes my nerves and rattles my brains.

3. Cleaning

Whenever I clean or paint, I wear a dust mask to help filter out smells. I also prefer unscented or natural cleaning products, if I can find them.

It can also help to wear gloves so that none of the chemicals or their scents stay on your skin.

4. The Emergency Handkerchief

I always have a clean handkerchief in my pocket, in case I have to share space with an unpleasant smell for a while. It helps if I unfold the handkerchief and breathe into it to filter out the bad scent. I would like to think I look like a grieving, beautiful ingénue out of a 1940s war movie who just waved goodbye to her lover leaving on a train. In reality, I probably look more like I’ve got a perpetual nosebleed. Either way, self-care trumps embarrassment and makes it worth it every time.

5. When a Scent Is Already Affecting You

Many fragrance-sensitive people recommend using a simple saline nasal spray — just saline water, no harsh chemicals, no scent — that you can carry with you.

A spritz into each nostril (and then blowing it out) helps clean out a smell and its effects, including many allergens, which can help head off migraines and other reactions. An alternative if you’re at home is a neti pot.

Being sensitive to smells can also be one of the biggest workplace struggles for highly sensitive people.

The Secret Upside of Being Sensitive to Smells

But the most important thing I want to share with you if you’re sensitive to smells is that you’re not alone.

While our high sensitivity may feel like a burden sometimes, keep in mind that you and I are members of a special group of people. The science is clear that highly sensitive brains are normal, healthy, and can be a powerful advantage. We may have to navigate the world a little more deftly than others in order to sidestep any salmon-scented citizens, but wouldn’t you agree that the positives — like empathy, patience, attention to detail, creativity, and deep thinking — outweigh the negatives?

Try to hold on to that thought the next time you’re forced to run full-speed back to the parking lot, away from that store in the mall that pumps cologne into the air. Take a few deep breaths of clean, fresh oxygen. When you have recovered and the wind tickles your nose with a delicious whisper of lilac from a half-mile away, know that there’s an estimated additional 15+ percent of the population doing the same thing.

Friend, you could say we’ve all passed the “smell test.”

You might like:

• 12 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person With a Rainforest Mind
• ‘Forest Bathing’ Is a Thing, and It Can Heal HSPs
• Is Your Child a ‘Picky Eater’? They Might Be a Highly Sensitive Person

The post What Do You Do If You’re Extra Sensitive to Smells? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Don’t be so sensitive — it’s not that big of a deal. As someone who’s come to appreciate my sensitive side, I find it unfortunate that being sensitive is often equated with being weak or dramatic.

Sensitivity is wrongly depicted as an undesirable trait, while nonchalance is mistaken for a sign of strength. While I do agree it’s important to recognize your high sensitivity and find ways to make it work for you — rather than against you — it’s not inherently bad to be sensitive.

In fact, there are many overlooked benefits to being a highly sensitive person. Here are eight of them.

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Overlooked Benefits of Being Highly Sensitive

1. Depth of experience and feeling

Finding meaning in everything — and I do mean everything — is both a blessing and a curse. Even so, I wouldn’t forgo this trait for a more even-keeled disposition, because experiencing the world with heightened emotion is an integral part of who I am.

Something as simple as observing a few droplets of rain on a leaf can usher in an overwhelming sense of joy and peace throughout my being, while a totally harmless comment from my boyfriend can plunge me into a sudden spiral of all-over-the-place emotion for no logical reason. The latter is frustrating for both of us, but with understanding and acceptance, even intense outbursts of feeling become manageable, and simply one more way to experience the totality of life.

2. Strong self-awareness

Typically, those of us with highly sensitive natures are keenly self-aware as well. Whether this awareness develops over time, or is with us right from the start, we often find ourselves hyper tuned in, not only with our wide range of emotions, but also with the reactions that follow. We learn about our triggers, and we start to understand that while our intense feelings are valid and should not be dismissed, others might not react the same way as we do most of the time. Sometimes we just feel sensitive about things that might not even register as blips on their radar.

By recognizing this sensitivity as part of who we are, and not as a shameful flaw of some kind, we can attempt to share this aspect of ourselves with those we care about. It’s not always easy to open up — in fact it can be incredibly difficult — but communicating ahead of time about things that overwhelm us can give our loved ones an idea about what’s going on when we appear deeply affected by something we can’t explain in the moment.

3. Increased empathy

The same qualities that make us more sensitive than others can also make us more empathetic. Because we instinctively mirror the emotions of others, putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes happens automatically.

Basically, we don’t have a say in the matter.

We intuitively connect with and attempt to understand the world using our emotions. This means we can be just as overwhelmed by a tragic real-life news story as a heavy dose of fictional violence in a movie. It just happens.

On the plus side, this often makes us good listeners because we tend to take someone in pain seriously and don’t easily dismiss their feelings as frivolous or unimportant. While many offer practical advice on ways to just get over it as quickly as possible, we see the benefit of being there to just listen without an agenda or judgement.

4. Intuitive nurturing skills

In addition to heightened empathy, our sensitivity also leads us to place value on nurturing others. We know not everyone experiences life as intensely as we do, but because we’re used to feeling deeply, we strongly desire to bring happiness to the ones we love and help them avoid pain. We have an instinct to care for others by recognizing their feelings, understanding their needs, and trying to support them in whatever way we think will help them feel most loved.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

5. Masters of self-care

For better or worse, we sensitive souls quickly learn the level to which we are affected by our environment. Whether it be noisy crowds, confrontation, tension in the office, or perceived judgment from others, even everyday occurrences can overwhelm us.

Often, we’re idealists who seek harmony and peace above all else and don’t see why everyone can’t just get along and be good to each other. After some trial and error, we learn what drains us the most and what lights us up from the inside out. We learn the importance of self-care and how to take care of, and be gentle, with ourselves.

6. Appreciative of the small things

One of my favorite aspects of high sensitivity is finding wonder in the smallest of things. I can find immense pleasure simply in noting the contrast of a green tree against a backdrop of blue sky and powdery white clouds. An unexpected kiss on the forehead or squeeze of the hand from my boyfriend can warm up my whole body with wellbeing. Hearing a song I haven’t heard in a while can spur a visceral nostalgia within me, transporting me vividly back in time instantaneously.

While in some ways I’ve always felt like an old soul, I love that my inner child is never too far away to pop out and leave me wide-eyed and awestruck by the world.

7. Finding beauty in both sadness and joy

It’s true that sensitivity sometimes leads to rather strong feelings of melancholy. But one of the great things about being highly sensitive is the ability to find sadness oddly nourishing. The spectrum of human emotion is fascinating, and I find oscillating between emotions a satisfying way to feel connected and present within myself.

I find just as much beauty in the resilience of overcoming sadness as I do in the joy of being deliriously happy. Both experiences exist for a reason, both have meaning, and both are beautiful.

8. Knack for forming close relationships

Highly sensitive people know how to bond, but we don’t do it with just anyone. It might take us a while to open ourselves up to the possibility of really letting someone have a meaningful impact on our lives. But once we’ve decided someone fits, we go all in.

Because we’re typically sensitive to the energy we sense in people, we can be choosy about who we spend time with. Our energies have to mesh.

We’re careful about who we get close to and intensely appreciate those who make us comfortable enough to show the true version of ourselves. Though we can appreciate passing conversation with acquaintances — sometimes — we put much more effort into cultivating meaningful relationships with people we feel an honest connection with.

Once someone has broken the barrier of our comfort zone, we get warm and fuzzy quite quickly, becoming incredibly loyal friends and partners.

You might like:

• 14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand
• Why Do Highly Sensitive People Absorb Other People’s Emotions?
• How to Explain High Sensitivity to People Who Don’t ‘Get It’
• For Highly Sensitive People, Sleep Is a Magical Elixir

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The post 8 Reasons Being Highly Sensitive Is a Good Thing appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Is everyone recovered from Thanksgiving already? No? Well, too bad I guess, because it’s time for everybody’s favorite marathon: eight weeks of aggressive advertising, in-your-face holiday prep, and loudly proclaimed good cheer. Are you good cheered yet? Are you? You need to good cheer harder.

Look, I believe the holidays are special and magical. I love (parts of) the holidays. Growing up, there was nothing more enchanting than watching our house transform with lights and decorations, and almost bursting with anticipation for the big day itself.

And cookies. There was definitely nothing more enchanting than cookies.

As an adult, I love seeing people be kind to each other, and putting up the tree. But, dear God in the manger, why does the holiday season need to be so extra?

I guess the high-pressure, multi-sensory holiday onslaught must hit the spot for some people — or at least, I guess marketers think so. But, for me, I’d prefer a calmer holiday season. The hustle and bustle doesn’t enhance the magic; it robs it, like a Grinch creeping through the homes of the Whos down in Whoville.

And there’s a reason I feel that way. It’s because, like roughly 1 in 5 people, I’m a highly sensitive person.

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Being highly sensitive means I was born with a nervous system that processes everything very deeply, from my thoughts and feelings to what I take in from the world around me. (Here’s how to tell if you are one, by the way.)

In general, being highly sensitive is a blessing — but not in loud, overstimulating, highly emotional situations.

Which, apparently, includes almost every minute of November and December.

Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the lineup.

“The holidays are holistic medicine for the human soul. But careful with the dosage, please.”

The 6 Ingredients of Holiday Season Overload

1. The fever pitch starts two months too early

First things first: I want to leave Halloween out of this, because it’s actually one of the more manageable holidays in my opinion. It puts my creative streak on full display. Something about making my own slightly-sardonic costume from scratch is far, far too satisfying to ever fall out of love with.

But Halloween does bear honorable mention because, apparently, it is now part of the Christmas Industrial Complex. I could barely find a skull or ceramic pumpkin all October long, because they were already crowded out by quaint little snow-covered model houses and miniature Christmas trees. Get your spook on in August, I guess?

And that’s the first step in the holidays being A. Bit. Too. Much. Anything fun (like the holidays) tends to be highly stimulating; anything joyful tends to be emotionally charged. My sensitive system can handle either of these things in small amounts, but when it goes on for three (or more?) nonstop months? That’s about the time my phobia of leaving the house kicks in.

To be clear, I know some people love playing Christmas carols in August and setting up their tree as soon as the calendar strikes November. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that — you do you.

What’s overwhelming is that all the stores, commercials and radio stations start in early, too. And they do this for no reason other than making more profit. The result is that department stores become a sensory/emotional megaphone, one that actually incentives me to avoid going shopping (nice work, marketers!). This doesn’t just last for a few special weeks, but for months at a time.

Which brings me to….

2. The holidays have become disconnected from the actual seasons

The ever-earlier start to the holidays doesn’t just wear me out. It also creates a disconnect between season and seasonality. Which is to say: Santa’s fur-lined coat is darling in December, but ghoulish in 70-degree September.

I know, I know, there are people in many parts of the world who have no sympathy on this one, because they’ve been doing Christmas under palm trees their whole lives. But I grew up seeing a beautiful symmetry between the seasons of the earth and our holiday traditions.

Halloween and its skeletons show up when the world is first darkening and seeming to die away. Thanksgiving arrives after the last of the harvest, when the fields are hard with frost. Rudolph and fur-suited Santa roll in on a sleigh, a type of vehicle that literally cannot function unless the world is covered in snow.

They fit, right? And I think anyone can appreciate the magic of a season that comes for only a short and special time.

But, as an HSP, I connect it to something deeper: I notice that the decking of trees with lights, the birth of a new hope for mankind, the lighting of a miraculous menorah, and a dozen other let-there-be-light traditions from around the world all happen when it’s, you know, very very dark. And the emphasis on good cheer, kindness, and giving each other gifts, why, that shows up just as seasonal depression really bares its claws. It’s almost like our species intuitively knows what we need and when we need it, and we make our traditions support that.

In that sense, the holidays are holistic medicine for the human soul. But careful with the dosage, please.

The marketers, of course, don’t care. If they can get a purchase at the tail-end of summer, or at least get their brands in front of you to sink into your unconscious, why should they care what your soul needs or why. Cash or credit, ma’am?

Speaking of which…

3. The things I used to hold in my heart are now just a sales gimmick

I know a writer who once had probably the coolest job in the world. He got to be Santa — not at the mall, but at an imaginary North Pole. He worked with a company where kids would send in their Santa letters, and Santa would actually write back. He literally wrote the words that they would receive from Mr. Claus himself (and sometimes a side note from Rudolph or the Missus). Sometimes, he said, he teared up as he wrote it.

I gotta admit, that’s pretty darn magical.

But there’s also the weird cost to these productions. Not just in dollars — you can believe the parents shelled out for this magical experience — but in our expectations. Every single part of the holiday miracle is now commoditized. You can buy apps, clothes, seasonal flavored lattes, home décor, funny sweaters you’ll wear one time, Menorah socks, lawn inflatables, rooftop Santa sleighs, oversized mangers, event tickets… need I go on?

No single one of these items is wrong on its own (okay, this pepperoni statue of Santa might be). But add them all up, and you have an experience where everything just feels “yuck.” Maybe so-called “normal” people don’t notice this, but as a highly sensitive person who picks up on the “vibe” of a situation, I notice when things are fake. No one wants to find out their boyfriend or bestie is only around because they’re getting paid; I feel the same way about holiday magic.

And that’s the thing, the magic is not there because you pay for it. The more it’s commercialized, the less the magic is there at all. I guess I wish we could all just calm down with the marketing gimmicks and the screamy-splashy Xmas sales. The less dopamine hits I get in a mall, the happier I am.

But at least we’re all nice to each other, right? Oh, wait — 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

4. It’s… oddly divisive, I guess?

I’m not gonna comment on the Merry Christmas Wars, except to say: A little empathy would go a long way, on all sides. And we HSPs excel at empathy.

Personally, I’m very sensitive to how people react to my words. As a result, my policy is to try to be conscious of the holidays that other people celebrate, wish them well in a way that will matter to them, and not assume they celebrate the same things I do. My other policy is that I sometimes slip up, and please don’t yell at me.

Why? Because the holiday season is supposed to be people coming together. It’s supposed to be goodwill to all humankind. It’s an excuse to be nice in a frankly not-very-nice world.

So, when I’m given two buttons to push, one labeled BE GRACIOUS and the other labeled THROW A FIT ABOUT HOW SOMEONE PHRASED THEIR NICE THING THEY SAID, I am deeply upset that people hesitate to push the right one.

And that’s true no matter what your preferred greeting may be.

5. The family situation (Moooooom, STAHP!)

I love my family. Most of them. A lot of the time. If I’m well-rested.

Which is kind of the point. For anyone, highly sensitive or not, I think family obligations are often a mixed blessing. On the one hand, it’s important that there are occasions that bring us together with loved ones; on the other, they often involve sibling rivalry, parental henpecking, opposing child-rearing styles, and the almighty Uncomfortable Political Convo (UPC).

The UPC is my least favorite part of any holiday gathering. That’s because, as a highly sensitive person, I check the following boxes:

• We’re highly aware of other people’s anger (or discomfort)
• We hate upsetting people
• Yelling makes us anxious to the point of nausea
• We don’t just “move on” when the arguing stops
• “Good-natured debates” are often neither of those things, and we can see right through it
• We thrive on harmony and, like a fragile flower, rougher conditions make us wilt

As a result, I absolutely Do Not Want to Be Around for the political outrage — especially this year. In my family, it often starts as indirect comments meant as bait or, worse, underhanded slights. When I hear these, I no longer wait until I’m ready to cry: I just leave the room (and I’ll take my plate, if need be). If my family ask me to stay, I’ve learned to say this:

“I want to stay too, but I don’t feel well when political debates start. Can we agree to table that topic until after dinner, and I’ll give you space for it?”

That will usually shut people up and, if not, I’ve found that turkey and podcasts are a perfect combination.

6. Everyone’s expectations are just A. Little. Too. High.

For me, this is what ties it all together. I could probably get through the whole morass of everything above if we just didn’t take ourselves too seriously. If we went into the holidays with a light heart, a light touch, rather than so much invested in it.

But that’s not how I see people doing the holidays. (And, yeah, I’m guilty of this, too.)

Instead, everywhere around me, people are piling pressure and demands and needs upon the holidays, absolutely insisting that everything be just so: the look, the events, the schedule, the gifts, even what people say and do. I honestly believe that if we invented a weather control device, we’d use it to get Christmas “just so” before we used it to solve world hunger. That gives me sadface, you guys!

And it’s this part of the holidays — the high expectations — that I have to admit is a joint effort. I do it to myself as much as anyone does it to me. I think we all do. And it’s this part that I think is hardest for many HSPs.

I remember a time when I was eight years old. I made the mistake of spending some of my gift money on something for myself — it was small — and not just gifts for others. My mom figured it out, and I started crying. I knew I had been “selfish.” I figured I should be ashamed.

My mom gave me a hug. She didn’t tell me I was greedy. She told me, “We all make mistakes.” Later, we baked cookies and I made sure to include some with all my gifts to my friends. The holidays had been fixed.

Highly sensitive people: We don’t have to do the holidays the way everyone else does them. We don’t have to put the pressure on ourselves and others. We don’t have to live up to those expectations ourselves, either.

When the holidays are overwhelming, give someone a hug. Tell them they’re okay. And for the love of Saturnalia, bring them some gosh-darn cookies.

You might like:

• 8 Things All Highly Sensitive People Need to Survive the Holidays
• Dear World, Your Trendy Restaurants Are My Personal Hell. Love, an HSP
• These 21 Things Stress Out Highly Sensitive People the Most

The post 6 Reasons the Holidays Stress Highly Sensitive People Out appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Even though growing up as a highly sensitive person (HSP) wasn’t simple — being made fun of for crying too easily or being more emotional when compared to my “tough” brother — over the years, I’ve truly embraced my sensitivity. And while it’s Thanksgiving that got me thinking about all the reasons I’m grateful for being a sensitive person, the truth is, I’m grateful year-round. 

Yes, I may be the only person crying at a Super Bowl party when the underdog loses, but I’ll also be the only one who will truly empathize with you when your heart gets broken or when you lose that job you so loved — and you didn’t even have to say a word, I just knew. (It’s an HSP superpower, after all — our instincts are always on point.)

So, without further ado, here are 14 reasons why I’m thankful for being an HSP.

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14 Reasons Why I’m Thankful to Be a Highly Sensitive Person

1. I get to feel things completely — there’s no such thing as being half-in or half-out as an HSP. 

HSPs wear their hearts on their sleeves — there’s no such thing as a “poker face” with us. While some people can “poker face” their way through various life situations, HSPs aren’t that way. If we’re feeling a certain emotion — overwhelming joy for a friend who just got a promotion or extreme sadness for a friend whose pet is ill — you’ll see it in our faces immediately. Even “smaller” emotions will be self-evident on our faces, and via our body language, too. We feel things completely — there is no dimmer switch. And as much as I feel things deeply, I also like how I can sense others’ feelings, too…

2. I can easily read other people’s emotions and body language — it’s an HSP superpower.

Although any HSP will tell you that absorbing others’ emotions is both a blessing and a curse — after all, we’re talking about all their emotions, not just the happy ones (and the not-so-happy ones can take a toll on our mental health and overstimulated senses) — I think it’s more of a blessing. Sometimes, someone may say “Everything’s fine,” yet you know something’s not. So, as a sensitive soul, you delve deeper and ask if everything really is fine. Oftentimes, the person will open up and share what’s on their mind. 

This just happened to me the other week. I called a friend to say hi and knew something was off by the sound of her voice. It turned out she was having outpatient surgery the next day and hadn’t told anyone (until I’d picked up on her semi-sad tone). Once she started talking about it, she said she felt a lot better, and we’ve been checking in with each other more regularly ever since.

Similarly, I pick up on every little thing when it comes to someone’s aura and body language in person, too. In this way, we can tell if they’re lying about something or if they give us cues as to how they’re feeling. Someone can be telling you, verbally, that they’re doing great, but you know by their body language (their slumped shoulders or sad expression) that they’re really not. So then we HSPs enter the picture like superheroes to save the day (or at least try and make them feel better). 

3. Being an HSP comes with a sixth sense (and ‘Spidey senses.’)

You know how you’ll have a sixth sense or bad feeling about something? When you’re a highly sensitive person, that happens a lot. And it’s truly a gift when it does. You’ll feel someone walking behind you and turn around — sure enough, there’s someone walking a bit too close to you (in the dark), so you duck into a store or restaurant as a safe haven. Or you go on a date and just get a bad feeling about the person — and then a friend of yours confirms your suspicions. So having a sixth sense as an HSP — and listening to your intuition — is definitely something to be grateful for every day.

4. The creativityyyyyyyyy

Highly sensitive people are naturally creative, whether it means we take up painting, music, writing, or a myriad of other artistic pursuits. I started writing as a small child, as soon as I was introduced to crayons, and was typing up my first newspaper, Nat’s Neat News Notes, shortly thereafter. This translated well to my current career as a freelance writer and editor. And if you’re a sensitive person yourself — or know someone who is — they’re likely creative in some capacity, too.

5. How I notice — and appreciate — the little things in life.

Sensitive people are known for noticing the little things and nuances in life, whether it’s the beauty of the petals of a rose, all the hues of a sunset, or all the subtleties in a piece of music. While others may see the overall picture — like the rose itself — we see every little detail. For this, I’m grateful. And when I point these little things out to others, they seem to be appreciative for being able to see them in a new way, too.

6. I get recharged by nature itself.

Since we HSPs get overstimulated by many different environments we experience each day — from the overhead fluorescent lights at work to the overbearing lights at the grocery store (coupled with the super loud music) to all the traffic lights and sounds on our commute home — it’s a refuge for an HSP to get out in nature. There, we can just appreciate the quiet and recharge from the endless amount of stimuli we experienced all day. We don’t have to worry about experiencing chemical sensitivity from the freshly painted walls at work (or our coworker’s new perfume) or light sensitivity — we can just be with little stimuli around us.

7. My wonderful, complicated, life-changing empathy.

Sensitive people are empaths. Just like we absorb others’ emotions, we also relate to them on a deep level — we’re not just sympathetic (feeling bad for someone) but empathic (we really feel bad for someone and can relate to how they’re feeling as though we’re experiencing it ourselves — and probably have at some point). 

Sometimes it can be surprising and sweet all at once. I used to have a boyfriend who didn’t have the ability to cry, for example. I, on the other hand, would tear up watching basketball playoffs or the Super Bowl when the underdog would lose (and I wasn’t even a basketball or football fan, but I’d still relate to what they’re going through). In a way, his tears became my tears, but over something we could enjoy together. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

8. That close, close connection HSPs have to animals.

Just like we HSPs can pick up on how fellow humans are feeling, we can also pick up on how animals are feeling. Even though they can’t directly tell us, once again, we primarily use nonverbal clues to assess how our pets are doing. Do they seem calm? Anxious? Could they use more of our time, love, and attention? And our connections to animals almost mirror those that we have with humans — a pet is not just a pet, but a distinct part of us and a part of our family. 

9. That deep HSP focus when working on meaningful tasks and projects.

One thing we HSPs excel at is the way we’re deep thinkers — when we put our minds to something, we give it our complete time, attention, and focus. We’re detail-oriented, we’ll do the research that has to be done, and we’ll do our absolute best. Single-tasking tends to work better for us than multi-tasking — that way, we get into a “flow state” when we work on things and we don’t let any outside distractions get in our way.

10. My innate ‘people-pleaser’ tendencies — even if they’re sometimes my Achilles’ heel.

We highly sensitive people are people-pleasers — we love helping others and hate disappointing them (due to our high levels of empathy) — and this is a great trait to have. However, we must also be careful to not let it get out of hand. After all, even though we have a natural affinity to help others, at the end of the day, we must keep in mind that we’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. Boundaries are something we HSPs struggle with enforcing, but the more we practice it, the more we can still be there for others while also being there for ourselves.

11. Those powerful HSP emotions.

Even though I used to hate how emotional I’d get at seemingly nothing — it would make me feel embarrassed, especially if I was the only person in the room tearing up at something — now, I embrace it. Plus, my true friends could care less — they know I’ll be the most emotional one in the room (even while we’re watching a Disney movie; they’ll hand me more Kleenex instead of making fun of me like my brother and his friends did when I was growing up). I’ve also realized that displaying our emotions is a sign we’re living, breathing beings who have the ability to care for — and empathize — with others, which is a beautiful gift when it comes to being a sensitive person.

12. The deep, intimate friendships with people who understand me.

We HSPs value deep friendships, not just ones based on small talk. While we may attract energy vampires and narcissists due to our empathic, super nice natures, we value friendships that are two-way streets and ones where there’s an equal amount of listening give-and-take. They say “no man is an island,” and I find this to be especially true for us HSPs — when we find the friends who “get” us, we don’t want to let them go. 

13. Getting time alone to recharge (whew!).

Being a highly sensitive person is no small feat — after all the overstimulation we experience all day, we need plenty of time alone to recharge in our HSP sanctuary (whether it’s in our bedrooms or sneaking outside between work meetings). Otherwise, we’ll get an “emotional hangover” (or an HSP one), and feel even more drained. After pockets — or hours — of alone time, we sensitive types feel refreshed and recharged for all the stimuli waiting for us.

14. I am thankful for knowing, and understanding, what it means to be a highly sensitive person through and through.

I think the better we HSPs understand what it’s like to be a highly sensitive person, the more we can embrace it and recognize the trait in others. I think my younger self shunned it simply because I did not understand it (plus, there was no clear label for it then as there is today). But now that I know what it means, there’s comfort in it and I love being a highly sensitive person.

You might like:

• These 2 Traits Can Make HSPs (Almost) Immune to Narcissists
• 10 Things That Just Don’t Make Sense to Highly Sensitive People 
• 13 Signs You’re Secretly a Highly Sensitive Person

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post 14 Reasons I’m Thankful for Being a Highly Sensitive Person appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Have you found yourself, in the depths of your soul, wondering why you feel everything so deeply and why that mind of yours is constantly working on overdrive to answer one question: “Why am I like this?”

It’s a feeling that sticks on the days you feel overstimulated in your own environment of day-to-day activities. You feel drained and need to retreat to your sacred place of solitude. You wonder why most people can’t relate and they often try to tell you how to be everything but how you’re feeling, saying something like, “Don’t be so sensitive.”

But, lately, I’ve begun to accept being a highly sensitive person (HSP). So I feel things more deeply, or process things longer, than a non-HSP — so what? Now, instead of feeling ashamed for being “different,” I embrace being an HSP. But I didn’t always feel this way.

Growing Up, I Never Felt I Belonged

As a child, I was often shamed for being emotionally expressive, sensitive, and soft-spoken. I was told that I wouldn’t make it in this world if I didn’t have the qualities extroverts do, like thriving around groups of people. 

I heard things like this time and time again from the people closest to me, which I subconsciously absorbed, leading me to eventually have little confidence and a low sense of self-worth, common among HSPs, I’d later learn.

I grew a deep dislike for who I was, so I became incredibly reserved. I told myself it wasn’t safe for me to reveal my “sensitive” layers to anyone, that being emotional and sensitive was a weakness. The once playful and compassionate child quickly became a recluse and ashamed.

But Everyday Life Slowly Revealed My HSP Gift

Growing up, I was also the little girl who would beg her parents to let me go sit with an elderly person I’d see dining alone. Or there was the time I begged my dad to stop his car to help two women on the side of the freeway whose car was on fire. And I was also the child who hid her tears anytime she saw someone with a physical ailment. 

I saw myself as a girl who wanted everyone to feel that they had a place in a world that often seemed cruel. But I also saw myself as someone who’d feel immense joy from the smallest things — the smell of the ocean breeze, the laugh of a loved one, a bloomed spring flower, or a perfectly sunny day. I could cry at the thought of any of those images.

As a teenager, I expressed my deepest self through creativity. I did everything from art, writing, and learning how to play guitar to eventually taking up photography. 

I started shooting street photography on film of people in their element, photographing things most people wouldn’t. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was another key sign you’re an HSP: seeing beauty in things other people would easily overlook. The more people didn’t understand my highly sensitive side, the more I found refuge in my photography classes.

In essence, I was the girl who noticed the subtleties. I was an observer of my environment and, through my observations, I picked up patterns, details, scents, and changes in people’s energies. This, too, led me to grow a deep compassion for people and to always extend my empathy to others. 

Everyday Life Also Revealed My HSP Struggles

Even though I didn’t even know the term “highly sensitive person” at the time, the gifts of being one also presented the struggles of being one. 

For instance, I became a people pleaser to overcompensate for my lack of self-worth, eventually disconnecting to who I truly was. I found myself overextending every bit of my being to everyone else’s needs, except mine, so I could feel appreciated and seen as meaning something to them — someone worthy of love and appreciation instead of someone flawed for being “too emotional” or “too sensitive.”

Ironically, people often came to me with their problems — HSPs can’t help but take on others’ emotions and feelings — but I later realized these were unsafe friendships: these same “friends” would also put me down for being my true self and expressing my feelings.

The more I’d experience these types of friendships, the more I’d keep the deepest parts of myself hidden in future relationships. I needed to feel completely safe, seen, and understood, which I hardly ever felt. It was a vicious cycle, but I had my breaking point and learned that enough was enough.

How I Learned to Get My Power Back

I didn’t know I was an HSP until a year-and-a-half ago after going through a painful relationship and breakup — one that threw me into the deepest descent of my life at the time. 

I found myself feeling the harshest emotions I’ve ever felt, ultimately realizing that this feeling was familiar: It was activating dormant wounds that I had experienced growing up, having always been shamed for who I was for my highly sensitive nature. I finally understood why I fell into the same patterns with familiar people. 

The kind of awakening I experienced was something inevitable, one that could not be predicted or controlled. It was like seeing a glistening jewel in desert sand that was just waiting to be picked up. 

It taught me that wherever I felt emptiness, there was also a capacity for space to transform. That transformation took me deeper into self-sufficiency, compassion, and love. The rebirth of that playful, warm, confident, and energetic little girl — sensitivity and all — was reconnected to again. I decided not to hide my high sensitivity, but to embrace it and use its gifts.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

How to Use Your Power of Sensitivity to Heal and Help Others

In my relationships, I learned the hard way to establish boundaries, find sacredness in my solitude, and relearn the power of my intuition. I also learned to focus on deeper, more meaningful friendships, and have learned to let go of toxic people.

Now, instead of being ashamed by my overly sensitive self, I love that I’m a highly sensitive person — including being innately attentive, empathetic, and understanding of people’s emotions. 

Because of these qualities, I have strengthened my intuition and have become much more perceptive and receptive. My natural ability to listen, accompanied by my strong memory, grants me a high perception of others, the ability to see the uniqueness in people’s complexities, and allows me to grasp their intentions and energies within seconds. 

Although my ability to unconsciously absorb others’ emotions is often draining — it’s easy to get mentally and emotionally flooded, and fast — knowing that I can help others makes it worth it. With my innate empathy, I like being able to relate to their struggles and comfort them as best I can.

Too often, our world has applauded the absence of feelings as a strength when, in fact, it is the complete opposite. Avoiding emotions causes a disconnect; it’s no wonder there’s an epidemic of loneliness, anxiety, and depression in the world. 

Instead, it’s our duty to strengthen our communities through meaningful connection with our incredible HSP awareness. If our words and actions are not rooted in empathy and compassion, we are doing the world a disservice. 

Being emotional is my strength, and it is yours, too. It is what makes us present to the human experience and we should see it for the gift it is as it helps us be of service to the world and others. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

You might like: 

• 4 Ways to Tap Into Your Strengths as an HSP
• 5 Simple Ways to Access Your Intuition as a Highly Sensitive Person
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Here’s How Being Highly Sensitive Can Make You Stronger, Not Weaker appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

This result didn’t surprise me. In fact, it was liberating.

I’d known my whole life I was “different,” even before I knew I was highly sensitive. I always felt my body and mind craving calm throughout the day, and I couldn’t understand how the people around me didn’t become severely fatigued in “busy” situations.

Everyone else seemed to navigate life effortlessly with no trace of fear or discomfort. But not me.

I was the opposite: I consistently found all five of my senses drained after a hectic or intense activity. My eyes tiring, my body aching, my hands trembling — and yet I would be asked: “Why do you want to be alone? That’s not normal,” or “You want to make friends, don’t you?” It was something every highly sensitive person (HSP) deals with: overstimulation.

I’m not just a highly sensitive person; I’m a highly sensitive male. And being a highly sensitive man presents its own unique double whammy — not only do I not fit the typical “male” stereotype, but it’s also harder to talk about the overstimulation I face.

Growing Up as a Highly Sensitive Male

Growing up, I wasn’t equipped to understand my sensitivity or deal with the frequent overstimulation I felt. The overarching desire I had was to feel like I belonged, despite being an outlier amongst what was expected of my gender identity.

I always felt like something was off with how I experienced the world. I was more emotional, more easily startled, quicker to react to the physical nuances of my environment, and more prone to encapsulate the feelings of others, especially strangers.

I was raised in a small-town environment, which made me feel like I was incapable of conforming to the typical masculine identity. I never felt the need to be aggressive or dominant. I wasn’t interested in competing with other boys. I was naturally more reserved.

Most of all, I was perfectly comfortable pursuing my own interests, even if they didn’t follow the stereotype of what it meant to be “a man.”

At recess, I kept a ten-foot pole between the sports field and myself, because I’d rather be dreaming up a new narrative or conversing with female companions. Writing was and still is my passion. To me, telling stories was more significant than any hockey game. (Although I respect males who are genuinely interested in those things. Everyone has the right to value what they love.)

Even outside my artistic interests, I felt ostracized for feeling emotions and sensations so strongly. I have this vivid memory of sobbing at the end of “West Side Story” when I was eight years old — and thinking about the tragedy of those two fictional lovers for weeks. Just last year, I had a difficult time enjoying a trip to New York City because I was so emotionally devastated after seeing a documentary on the life of singer/songwriter Amy Winehouse.

As a highly sensitive man, I’m more impacted by my outer and inner world on an emotional and physical level than other men. Although this trait is not valued in men in our culture, I’ve been learning to cultivate a sense of confidence with the unique way I’m wired.

I get one life, one body, and one mind — so I’m choosing to value my sensitivity as a strength.

But there are still struggles. And the biggest one, as for many HSPs, is overstimulation.

As an HSP Male, I Couldn’t Talk About My Overstimulation

HSPs are born with a higher level of what is known as “sensory processing”: We are more aware of the subtleties in our physical environment, and we register even minor stimuli. HSPs take in every little sound, taste, smell, sight, sensation, and emotion on a deeper level.

Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t take as much for our senses to become overstimulated. We process information seemingly without a filter, picking up on almost everything. It’s a unique way to experience our surroundings, but it comes with a cost — overstimulation.

Highly sensitive men experience this just as much as female HSPs do. But as a male, I was conditioned to believe wholeheartedly that “boys don’t discuss their feelings,” and therefore if I started feeling drained or in need of rest, I never voiced it. I just kept going and going, covertly pining for the solitude of my bedroom and the end of the day.

Overstimulation hasn’t gotten any easier with the transition from childhood into adulthood. A walk to a downtown grocery store can feel like crawling across enemy lines. The sounds of cars roaring by, the energetic buzz of crowds of people, and the sea of advertisements plastered on billboards and vehicles — it’s like drowning in what non-HSPs think is shallow water.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

5 Ways I Deal with Overstimulation as a Highly Sensitive Man

As an HSP, I’ve learned I have to be my own best friend and make my wellbeing a priority. No one is going to completely understand why you turned down that social outing after a stimulating day, or why you put your phone on silent after 7 p.m. — you might be the only one who will get it.

Here are five approaches I use to combat overstimulation that may also work for you:

1. Take time to yourself before, during, and after your day. It can be completing a morning meditation, taking a walk on your own at lunch, or simply reading before bed. It’s about making time every day to do something calming — alone.
2. If you begin to feel overwhelmed, take deep breaths. Breathing deeply has a relaxing effect on the body and mind. It can be very helpful if you’re in the midst of an overstimulating activity or environment and can’t get away.
3. Make a playlist of music that you find relaxing. Classical music or instrumental jazz always does it for me, but even acoustic covers or isolated vocals of your favorite songs may do the trick.
4. Get comfortable saying no. After a long day filled with commitments, it’s not worth overwhelming yourself with an invitation to a loud nightclub or dinner with friends. There’s no reason to feel guilty about it; you are taking care of yourself so that you can be at your best. Ultimately, it benefits not only yourself but also everyone around you.
5. Create a safe, low-stimulation space for yourself. This could be your bedroom, your personal office, or even a quiet coffee shop you enjoy sitting in. But it’s crucial. Few things make a bigger difference than having a place you can go to in order to escape the overwhelm.

As highly sensitive people, our experiences can feel monumentally intimidating — and that’s just as true for men. Each sensation and emotion can be so unbelievably strong. But living as an HSP doesn’t mean you have to be left overstimulated or overwhelmed. You can learn to manage your routine and get the most out of your powerful trait.

Our sensitivity is part of who we are, and it doesn’t have to limit us. It can empower us.

Are you a male HSP? We’d like to hear from you. We’re seeking submissions from highly sensitive men about what it’s like being a sensitive male. We want to know about the particular struggles you face and how you deal with them. If you’d like to contribute an article, please see our writing guidelines.

You might like:

• 20 Self-Care Ideas for Highly Sensitive People
• 21 Signs That You’re a Highly Sensitive Person
• 14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy
• Why Do Highly Sensitive People Absorb Other People’s Emotions?
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand

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The post The Double Whammy of Being a Highly Sensitive Man appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I was nine years old; introverted, anxious, and a highly sensitive person — and my entire world had been turned upside down.

They say hindsight is 20/20, and looking back, it’s easy to see why it took me so much longer than the rest of my family to adjust to our new home and city. And yet, even armed with that knowledge, I didn’t expect to have any of the same issues when I moved out of my parents’ home as a young adult.

Spoiler alert: I absolutely did.

I cheerfully picked out an apartment, packed up my belongings, and immediately set about making my new home a place I could call my own. But on that first night, as I lay in bed in a room that felt too big, surrounded by unfamiliar sounds and smells, the anxiety began to creep in. Again, I found myself wandering, submerged in a sea of emotions — and this time I had done it to myself.

But, as with so many things I’ve googled when wondering what the hell is wrong with me, these feelings surrounding a move are not uncommon to highly sensitive people. Research suggests that everyone is susceptible to feeling miserable after a move. But because HSPs process experiences more deeply than others, for many of them, moving is extremely unsettling.

Let’s explore the specifics behind why moving can be overwhelming for HSPs, plus how to make your next (or current) move easier.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

Why Is Moving So Unsettling for HSPs?

As highly sensitive people, we crave the feeling of comfort and familiarity in our everyday environment. For this reason, even “fun” things like traveling or taking a vacation can be extraordinarily stressful.

It’s a similar story when it comes to moving to a new home. Moving brings up a veritable smorgasbord of emotions. Our homes are attached to our wellbeing, and physically tearing ourselves away from them may cause feelings of sadness, regret, frustration, and anger.

Melody Warnick, author of the book, This Is Where You Belong: The Art and Science of Loving the Place You Live, explains that this is called “place attachment,” which is “the feeling of belonging and rootedness where you live.” It takes a while to create place attachment, and we often feel unhappy until we do.

In other words, it’s completely normal to feel upset after a move.

Getting used to a brand new house, where things feel, sound, and look different, can also be very difficult. Your former home, neighborhood, and familiar places kept you centered, and now you may feel unanchored, set adrift. For all intents and purposes, moving leads to a grieving process of sorts.

There’s also quite a bit of overwhelm and exhaustion that comes with moving. You have to go through the entire rigamoroll of buying a home or renting an apartment, logistically plan the entire process from beginning to end, pack all your worldly belongings into boxes, and actually move heavy items from one place to another. There’s so much multitasking, hurry, and commotion about that it’s incredibly easy to become completely overwhelmed. Moving takes a lot of energy — and it doesn’t offer many opportunities for HSPs to recharge.

When highly sensitive people are deprived of the opportunity for emotional quiet, the “fight or flight” response can kick in and hinder the ability to settle into a new environment. If this goes on for too long, anxiety can rear its ugly head.

Fortunately, this anxiety is a temporary response to feeling overwhelmed. It will clear up as you become more comfortable in your new life.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

How You Can Make a Move Easier

Now that we know why moving can be so hard on HSPs, let’s look at a five ways to make the process less painful:

1. Give yourself ample time to physically, mentally, and emotionally prepare for the move. Make a list of the good things that will result from the move, as well as a list of things that worry you and how you might mitigate them.
2. Take time during the move for downtime. This will help to replenish your energy stores, as well as prevent emotional flooding and burnout.
3. Clutter and general disarray can make the anxiety of being in a new place worse. Unpack as quickly as you can to add a sense of familiarity to your new home.
4. A study found that people who had recently moved spent less time on leisure activities and more time on the computer (presumably staying in contact with friends and family back home) than people who had stayed put. After a move, resist the urge to hunker down. Go for a walk and explore your new neighborhood. Say yes to some social invitations. Do the activities that made you happy in your old place. The sooner you create a new bond of place attachment, the better you’ll feel.
5. Finally, if at all possible, take a day or two off after you’re fully moved to settle into your new home. Having just gone through a major transition, you’ll need some time to put down roots before going back to your usual schedule.

Moving is stressful, especially for those of us who are highly sensitive. However, by preparing yourself ahead of time, finding quiet moments to recharge, and allowing yourself to process your emotions, you can take some of the sting out of the move.

A version of this article was originally published on Introvert, Dear.

You might like:

• Why Highly Sensitive People Get Mentally and Emotionally ‘Flooded’
• 21 Signs That You’re a Highly Sensitive Person
• 14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy
• Why Do Highly Sensitive People Absorb Other People’s Emotions?
• 13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand

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The post Why Is Moving to a New Home So Unsettling for Highly Sensitive People? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

When you think “scary,” you probably think of haunted houses, horror movies, and unresolved crimes. By most people’s standards, these things are pretty terrifying.

For highly sensitive people (HSPs), these things are, of course, scary. But, if you’re an HSP like I am, you know there are also plenty of “scary” moments that happen in real life for us almost every day! Check out this list of 13 things that tend to scare HSPs the most.

13 Things That ‘Scare’ HSPs the Most

1. People who don’t stop talking

One of the scariest (and most overwhelming) things for an HSP is a person who doesn’t stop talking. Whew! As HSPs, we enjoy connecting deeply and having meaningful conversations. However, if we’re in a one-sided conversation where the other person is chatting away with no signs of stopping, we can begin to feel trapped, anxious, and completely overwhelmed. At least let us get a word in!

2. A busy day with no downtime

Ask any highly sensitive person what they dislike most, and I’ll bet a majority will tell you that a busy day with no downtime is one of the worst. When we’re moving from one thing to the next without a chance to breathe, we can quickly feel overstimulated and overwhelmed. Although busy days are sometimes inevitable (especially if you’re a parent!), we operate best when we can have breaks to decompress and reconnect to ourselves.

3. Being snuck up on

It never fails. Any time my husband sneaks up on me, I get spooked. If I’m deeply immersed in work and a coworker taps me on the shoulder, I almost always jump. It’s a visceral and immediate reaction that always gets my heart racing. For HSPs, being snuck up on, even when it’s totally harmless, is scary!

4. Getting stuck in a loud social situation

Okay, I said that HSPs probably dislike busy days the most… but being stuck in a loud social situation might take the cake. Imagine you rode to a party with a friend, you hardly know anyone there, it’s loud, and you can’t leave when you want to. Sounds scary, right? As highly sensitive people, we’re processing so much of our environment — the smells, sounds, lights, energy, and emotions. It can quickly become a lot! Especially if we don’t feel we have a way to escape it.

5. When someone yells or is rude

For many sensitive people, even overhearing someone yelling or being rude can be scary. Personally, I get an instant stomachache when I hear someone speaking rudely to a server at a restaurant. And don’t even get me started on people with road rage! 

Now, when the yelling or rudeness is directed at us… that’s even worse. As HSPs, we have sensitive nervous systems, which mean we will react more strongly than non-HSPs to these types of behaviors.

6. Small talk — about the weather, traffic, you name it

“So, how about this weather we’re having?” *Shudder*… Small talk can be quite brutal for HSPs. As sensitive souls, we tend to thrive on deep, meaningful conversations. Like, if we get on the topic of spirituality or our greatest fears in life, I’ll talk to you all day long. But, if our conversation is centered around the weather or traffic… I’m going to find a way out, quick.

7. Sleeping in an unfamiliar place

When it comes to my sleep, I’m incredibly particular and sensitive about it — and highly sensitive people need more sleep in general. I need a fan running, an eye mask on, and my earplugs in. I know I’m not the only HSP who’s like this. So, if I’m sleeping somewhere new — whether it’s a hotel room or a friend’s house — it can be a little anxiety-inducing. We HSPs might think things like: What is that weird noise? Ugh, it’s so cold in here. These sheets are itchy! Which may then keep us awake, which leads me to my next point…

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8. Being expected to function while exhausted

Sleep is critical for highly sensitive people. Since we tend to get overstimulated by the world around us, our bodies desperately need sleep to rest and recuperate after a long day. And when we don’t get the rest we need, it can be really tough on our sensitive systems, causing increased anxiety, stress, and illness. You certainly don’t want to be around us when we haven’t gotten enough sleep either — now that can get scary!

9. Someone watching over your shoulder as you work

Does anyone else perform poorly when someone’s watching over your shoulder? Yeah, that’s definitely an HSP thing. I can be totally proficient at a task, but as soon as I know someone’s eyes are on me, I get nervous and make mistakes I’d never make otherwise. Do us a favor and don’t watch us perform tasks — it freaks us out.

10. A last-minute change in plans

Most sensitive types appreciate having extra time to prepare and plan ahead. We like to know what we can expect when walking into a situation. So, when there’s a last-minute change in plans, we can easily feel overwhelmed and thrown off. Spontaneity isn’t usually our middle name, and that’s okay.

11. Being rushed, which will only make you more flustered

Do not, I repeat, do not rush an HSP. If there’s one thing that causes a sensitive person to feel flustered, it’s someone barking at them that they’ve gotta leave in one minute! For most of us HSPs, we need extra time to transition from one activity to the next. Whenever possible, we thrive when we have time buffers so we’re able to ease into new situations without rushing.

12. Loud, sudden noises

Whether it’s someone’s booming voice or the sound of sirens rushing by outside, a loud, sudden noise can cause an HSP to leap out of their seat. Again, with our finely tuned nervous systems, we simply react more strongly to stimuli in our environments. So loud noises can feel especially jarring for us.

13. Inauthentic people

We HSPs have a knack for sensing if someone is genuine or not thanks to our keen intuition. Since we tend to be very genuine, sincere people ourselves, we can easily sniff out if someone is acting fake and inauthentic. Some people say that HSPs are almost like human lie detectors — we always seem to know when someone is being dishonest. So, when we get the feeling that someone isn’t being real with us, it can be a little scary!

HSPs, what “scares” you most? Let us know in the comments below!

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• These 21 Things Stress Out Highly Sensitive People the Most
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The post The 13 Things That Scare Highly Sensitive People the Most appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.