Self-Development Archives - Sensitive Refuge

Overwhelmed and Underwhelmed? You Might Have a Rainforest Mind

Paula Prober — Wed, 17 Dec 2025 08:00:00 +0000

If you’re an HSP with a ‘rainforest mind,’ you’re analyzing ideas more deeply than others. That means you can get both overwhelmed and underwhelmed — but can also do great things.

Complex. Deep thinking. Intellectually gifted. These are just some of the traits of a rainforest mind (RFM). People with RFMs may prefer a good read to a rousing day at the football stadium. They draw accurate conclusions when everyone else is lollygagging. They’re at the intellectual finish line when others are just leaving the starting gate.

Many RFMs are highly sensitive people. They are capable and perceptive. They are thorough, curious, and creative. They analyze the implications of trends on social media when their friends are preoccupied with, well, reality TV. They are scuba diving through life when others are simply water skiing.

Unfortunately, RFMs are often misunderstood. Their coworkers would benefit from their insights if only they could realize that it’s insight. But others don’t understand the RFM’s creative leaps — and it gets tiring to constantly fill in the blanks. So, RFMs might sound unreasonable or weird. They’re called “overthinkers” or “drama queens.” Or both.

Sound familiar? You might be a highly sensitive person with a rainforest mind. To learn more, see my post, 12 Signs You’re an HSP With a ‘Rainforest Mind.’

You Are Overwhelmed and Underwhelmed at the Same Time

If you have an RFM, you may experience a sense of being out-of-sync with friends, family, and coworkers. As odd as it sounds, on many occasions, you might feel both overwhelmed and underwhelmed.

Let me explain.

Being a highly sensitive person, you are easily overwhelmed. Due to your wiring, you process and feel things deeply. And life is full of potentially overwhelming experiences. “Little” things that others brush off are magnified — strong fragrances, leaf blowers, bad architecture, buzzing that no one else hears, noisy chewers, unexpected weather events, houses painted orange, rock concerts, the problem of homelessness, the news, violent images, groups of more than one, unimaginable beauty, great kindness, the night sky, others’ intense emotions, others’ subtle emotions, premonitions, responsibility to save the world.

To name a few.

If you have a rainforest mind, you are often analyzing and synthesizing ideas more deeply than your non-RFM cohorts. You may not have realized that this means you are also often underwhelmed. This may have begun in school when you already knew the material that was being presented. You were an eager learner in the beginning, but if your teachers didn’t notice your advanced skills, you may have spent much time disillusioned and bored in school.

And now, as an adult, you may still find yourself in situations where you need to slow your speech or adapt your vocabulary. You may find that people can’t keep up with you or that it takes them a long time to grasp what you’re talking about. They tune you out when you are just getting started. At your job, meetings may feel intolerable if you have the answers and need to wait for others to catch up. You may find yourself spending a lot of time waiting. You are underwhelmed.

So what can you do?

7 Tips to Help With Overwhelm and Underwhelm

1. Just because you have lots of skills and abilities doesn’t mean you have to step in and rescue others.

Or take that terrible job. Or say yes to every request. Even though you may feel guilty at first, it would be impossible for you to do everything you are capable of. So let yourself be selective. (Here are some tips to say no effectively.)

2. Boundaries, limits, and alone time are crucial to nourish yourself.

If you take care of yourself, you’ll be better able to help when the situation is appropriate. Practice this phrase when someone (including your child) asks for something: “Oh. Interesting. Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.” Then, take a breath and think about it.

3. Find intellectual stimulation.

If you are frustrated at your workplace or at school, give yourself permission to find intellectual stimulation in a way that won’t draw uncomfortable attention. Use your creativity to find ways to entertain yourself in the dull moments. Knit at meetings or do the NY Times crossword. Bring a book everywhere you go. Daydream. Look for the humor in a situation. Give yourself permission to find careers that have variety, challenge, and creativity so that you won’t be bored. Change jobs when you need to. Start writing your memoir.

If you are wanting to change the culture in your workplace, get a copy of Rebels At Work and join their community. The authors, Medina and Kelly, write and talk about ways sensitive, creative, complex thinkers can work to change the system from within the organization. You will see that you are not alone and that change is possible.

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4. If you are a parent, it’s especially important that you know your limits and take time for self-care.

Your highly sensitive soul will need to take breaks. If you make time for rest and self-nourishment, your child will benefit. If you have a highly sensitive rainforest-minded child, you may need some extra guidance. These children can be very verbal, energetic, and intense. When they enter school, you may need to be very involved if they are advanced academically. This can be draining. Look for books by Mary Kurcinka for parenting suggestions. For guidance around schooling, this post might help.

5. Meet other RFMs.

Because rainforest-minded humans can be hard to find, you may feel lonely and a sense of extreme underwhelmedness when you look for friends or partners. Find activities that appeal to you through meetup.com. Join an online group such as intergifted.com. Start your own meetup group, book group, astronomical society, or online community.

6. Learn the Argentine tango.

Yes, really! The tango is the perfect dance for RFMs. It requires sensitivity, intensity, creativity, and intuition. All of the things you have plenty of. You will not be underwhelmed. This is a tough dance to learn. And, yet, it is worth it. You will be moving with one person at a time, engaged in an in-depth, beautiful conversation, and no words need be spoken. If dancing isn’t your thing, you might try organizing a silent reading party or joining The School of Life global community.

7. Read my blog to gain more self-understanding and strategies for self-care.

Join many of my readers commenting on the posts and see what others are saying. Read my book for case studies of sensitive people in therapy and for a more detailed look at how having a rainforest mind may mean that you struggle with perfectionism, relationships, empathy, and a deep sense of social responsibility.

Above all, dear RFM, remember…

It is normal for you to be both overwhelmed and underwhelmed because of your smart, effervescent, multidimensional, perceptive, sensitive, rainforest mind. Managing your rainforest mind isn’t easy. All of those mosquitoes, monkeys, and tangled vines. It is a very, very, busy place.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System?

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

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The post Overwhelmed and Underwhelmed? You Might Have a Rainforest Mind appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Should You Tell Your Medical Providers That You’re an HSP?

Alissa Boyer — Tue, 16 Dec 2025 12:00:00 +0000

A sensitive nervous system can cause many symptoms that medical practitioners might misdiagnose. When should you tell your doctor about being an HSP, and how should you explain it?

“I think it might be in your head,” my new gastroenterologist said to me as he pressed on my stomach. I winced in pain. “Are you sure you aren’t just stressed out?” he asked.

Tears started welling up in my eyes. He was the second gastroenterologist who’d told me this. “No, I know there’s something wrong with me. I’m sick every day,” I said quietly.

Unable to find the issue, he sent me home that day without a diagnosis. I remember calling my mom that night in tears. “No one knows what’s wrong with me,” I cried. “I’m starting to think I’ll never feel normal again.”

This exchange with the gastroenterologist took place before I learned I was a highly sensitive person (HSP). It was before I discovered, months later, that my mysterious stomach issues were very real and caused by SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth). It was before I understood the impact a sensitive nervous system can have on a person’s health.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t yet learned how to advocate for my needs. In fact, I didn’t really know what my needs were, so I’d gone to many doctors who didn’t quite know how to help me either.

Julie Bjelland, a psychotherapist and sensitivity expert, is passionate about empowering highly sensitive people. She believes one of the most important ways we HSPs can do that is by learning to advocate for our needs. Bjelland told me that she’s seen too many HSPs go through situations similar to mine, or worse, as a result of their medical team not understanding their sensitivity.

Believe it or not, many medical professionals are unfamiliar with the trait of high sensitivity — so, as a result, doctors’ visits are different for highly sensitive people.That’s why Bjelland created a form letter for HSPs to share with their medical practitioners as a way to explain the trait to them.

Otherwise, this disconnect can result in HSPs being misunderstood, misdiagnosed, or even improperly medicated. That’s why, when we HSPs take our needs into our own hands, we not only feel more empowered, but we also receive the treatment that’s best for us. And telling our medical practitioners — doctors, therapists, you name it — that we’re HSPs is the first step.

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What Exactly Is High Sensitivity and How Does It Make Medical Care Different?

High Sensitivity is also scientifically known as sensory processing sensitivity. People with the trait of high sensitivity have highly sensitive nervous systems and are deeply affected by subtleties in their environment. Due to their highly sensitive nervous systems, they have a tendency to get overstimulated by things like bright lights, itchy clothing tags, or loud noises, to name a few.

Most highly sensitive people will probably tell you they’ve always felt different than their less sensitive counterparts. HSPs tend to shy away from small talk, preferring deep, meaningful conversations. They also find themselves needing more sleep, alone time, and space between social engagements.

In our daily lives, most of us HSPs understand what we need. We know we enjoy more downtime, space, and quiet than most people. But, what about when it comes to our medical care? Speaking from my own experience, at least, I didn’t understand that being an HSP affected the type of medical care I needed, too.

Bjelland explains how the HSP brain is different and why this affects us. “We even have brain differences that impact us in different ways,” she says. “For example, there is more activation in the amygdala that can activate the fight/flight part of the brain, causing anxiety and even panic attacks for some. There is more depth of processing and more data input into the entire system.”

She says this is also a sensory processing sensitivity; in other words, that an overloaded nervous system can cause many symptoms that practitioners might misinterpret and misdiagnose. “If a practitioner understands this and can teach their patients/clients ways of reducing this overload naturally, they will have better outcomes,” she says.

Can you imagine how this would change medical appointments for us HSPs for the better?

A natural method Bjelland uses with HSP clients to help get rid of their anxiety is brain training. She teaches them how to activate calming centers that deactivate their stress centers and has seen improvement within just 1-2 weeks. “Many clients have come to me suffering years of issues,” she says. “Within weeks, they feel better using these methods and understanding why they are the way they are.”

Highly Sensitive People Are Often Misunderstood by Their Medical Practitioners

If you’re a highly sensitive person, you know that we tend to be more sensitive to pain (both emotional and physical) than non-HSPs. This comes with the territory of being highly sensitive, right? We seem to feel everything more deeply than others — which is both a blessing and a curse. Because of this, we may feel misunderstood, or even judged, when we react strongly to pain that may be “not that bad” for someone else.

In the same way that many HSPs try to mask their sensitive nature to fit in at social situations, we may try to hide our sensitivity when it comes to our health, as well.

In her book, The Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Elaine Aron explains that because we HSPs are extraordinarily aware of subtle physical changes, this may sound off “false alarms” when it comes to our health. Many of us can relate to going to the doctor when we’ve noticed something off in our bodies, only to hear that it’s “all in our head.”

Being dismissed in this way can cause HSPs to feel self-conscious or embarrassed about seeing a doctor in the future. To avoid seeming like we’re “overreacting,” we may begin to wait until our symptoms become dangerous before finally getting medical attention.

I remember feeling wildly misunderstood and alone in my journey with digestive issues. I knew I had these symptoms, yet there wasn’t a doctor who could diagnose me. In understanding my sensitivity today, I can now see that I was acutely aware of the shifts taking place in my body.

Bjelland says I may have felt those shifts in my body because HSPs have more activation in the insula part of the brain, the area that gives them an incredible amount of early somatic information. “HSPs often have the gift of being aware of symptoms before they even show up on tests, and that means they can catch problems early and have better outcomes medically,” she says. “They need practitioners who believe them and know about this higher level of awareness.”

Being a highly sensitive person is a delicate dance of getting to know ourselves, trusting ourselves, and then having the wherewithal to advocate for ourselves. Things are simply a little bit different for us. And since we HSPs make up only about 20 percent of the population, the majority of people around us won’t understand our sensitivity trait, so it’s important that we tell them about it. Especially the people whose medical care we are in.

Depending on the situation, of course, natural remedies are often a great place to start for highly sensitive people seeking medical treatment. Because, as you may have guessed, HSPs tend to be more sensitive to medication, too. This means that if a doctor doesn’t understand our sensitive system, there’s a possible risk of being overmedicated.

Bjelland experienced the danger of this in her own life. She told me, “Many sensitive adults and children have been given inaccurate diagnoses and improperly and dangerously medicated,” she says. “When I was younger, before I knew about the trait, I’d been improperly medicated and suffered serious side effects that almost cost me my life.”

From a therapeutic standpoint, Bjelland has found that even the most simple, natural remedies work really well for HSPs. She says, “Simply spending more time in nature and daily quiet alone time with sensory breaks is the greatest medicine for most HSPs and natural, with no side effects! I have had countless therapists tell me they finally understand how to help their clients after they learn about the trait.”

From a personal standpoint, I can attest to the power of natural remedies for HSPs. In my journey with digestive issues, I finally found healing when I began working with a holistic practitioner who understood my sensitive needs. With his guidance, I learned the proper diet, supplements, and stress-reduction tactics to support my system in order to heal. Some of my favorite stress-reduction tactics are guided meditations, gentle yoga, and simply spending time in nature.

How to Explain High Sensitivity to Your Medical Team

For HSPs, the thought of explaining our sensitivity trait to a well-trained medical professional might feel daunting. Who am I to tell them? we might be thinking. Remember, though, being an empowered HSP means advocating for our needs! We can also make this explanation much easier by utilizing the form letter created by Bjelland.

In addition to sharing the form letter with our medical team, Bjelland has some tips on how to best approach this conversation. “I believe that going about it as if you are educating them about something important is helpful,” she says. And the language you use is also important.

She recommends saying something like:

“Have you heard about the trait of high sensitivity that 20 percent of the population has? It’s also called Sensory Process Sensitivity. You have probably noticed about 1 out of 4 or 5 patients seem more sensitive in different areas. I wanted to give you this letter so you could understand me better, because I believe it’s essential for you to know about the trait to provide me with the best care.”

If you’re explaining your trait to your therapist — or another type of medical professional — you can share a similar sentiment. It also may be helpful to note that, according to Bjelland, at least half of the people in therapy are likely to have the trait of high sensitivity. With this in mind, your sharing about this trait may help their other clients, too!

As highly sensitive people, we have an opportunity for so much personal growth when we’re informed about the way our unique systems work. Speaking from personal experience, my years with digestive issues were some of the hardest of my life, but they also gifted me the most growth. They taught me how to listen to my body, trust myself, and advocate for my needs. I’m happy to share that, today, digestive issues are no longer a part of my life.

When we learn how to advocate for ourselves, we step into an empowered space. Learning how to speak up for ourselves not only improves our lives, but it inspires the other highly sensitive people around us to do the same.

Click here to download Julie Bjelland’s letter to medical practitioners that explains high sensitivity.

Want to learn how to reduce stress and thrive as a highly sensitive person? We recommend Julie Bjelland’s online courses for HSPs. Click here to learn more.

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The No. 1 Thing That Relieves My Anxiety as a Highly Sensitive Person

Lauren Stewart — Fri, 05 Dec 2025 06:21:46 +0000

Most HSPs live with some level of anxiety. Could one counterintuitive tool help solve it?

If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you might know what it’s like to live with some level of anxiety.

For me, my anxiety started when I was young and couldn’t make sense of my strong emotions. Everything overwhelmed me. With noise and kids everywhere, school was basically a nightmare full of overstimulation. I could only cope when things were calm and quiet (which, let’s be honest, it’s never that way in school). I just wanted to go home where I felt safe and comfortable.

The strangest things set me off. Little did I know, somewhere along the line, I developed the phobia called emetophobia (fear of vomiting) with my anxiety. I remember watching the movie Matilda in school and starting to panic during that scene where they make that kid eat all the cake. I was sure they were going to show him throwing up, and I couldn’t handle it.

I started freaking out and was too embarrassed to say why, so I made up something about not liking the movie. I mean, what little kid can understand and verbalize that they have a phobia or anxiety? I just thought I was insane, and I didn’t want anyone else to know.

Let’s explore why highly sensitive people might struggle with anxiety, plus I’ll share the No. 1 thing that has helped me.

Why Do Some Highly Sensitive People Have Anxiety?

Not all highly sensitive people have an anxiety disorder or phobia like me. Nevertheless, it’s not uncommon for HSPs to experience some level of anxiety in day-to-day life because we process things deeply, from sights to sounds to emotional cues.

For instance, watching that kid in Matilda eat that cake, the other students didn’t thoroughly internalize what he was doing (as silly as that sounds). Nor did their minds spin off visualizing all the possibilities of an overstuffed tummy.

As adults, all kinds of things can make us anxious, from a deadline at work or school to not knowing what’s going to happen in a given scenario. And when you’re a highly sensitive person who process and feels experiences deeply, it’s no wonder anxious thoughts arise.

What Relieves My Anxiety

Fast forward to now, at 28 years old, and I’ve definitely had my share of ups and downs with anxiety. I’ve had times of stress, full of anxiety and panic attacks, and times of calm and minimal anxiety. Lately, I have experienced little to no anxiety, and I believe there is one thing in particular that helps me release anxiety when it creeps back up. It isn’t meditation or self-care or even mindfulness, although I know all of those things can be helpful.

For me — and for many others around me, I’ve noticed — the key to relieving anxiety in the moment is helping others.

Think about that for a second.

Think about how you feel when you do something for someone out of the goodness of your heart. If you’re a highly sensitive person, you’re likely a caregiver who loves helping others. Whether you work in a caregiver career or simply love to take care of your significant other, family, friends and kids, notice how you feel when you are helping out.

This can be a fine line, though. You don’t want to become so selfless and focused on others that you forget to take care of yourself. You absolutely have to put yourself first to thrive as a highly sensitive person and meet your own needs. If you are constantly helping others, saying yes to everything and taking care of everyone but yourself, anxiety will still creep in.

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But when you’re taking good care of yourself and also focused on loving and caring for the people around you, anxious feelings tend to disappear. This is especially helpful in moments when you first start to notice you are feeling anxious.

I’ve noticed when I have enough time to take care of my own needs and spend the rest of my time caring for my friends and helping others, my anxiety is super minimal and even non-existent, even in stressful times.

Find Your ‘Why,’ Then Reach Out

The next time anxiety arises, take a moment to try to figure out why it is happening. I like to call this “finding your why.” Anxiety can arise from simple things, like being hungry or thirsty, stressed about a deadline, or worried about a loved one. It can also strike for seemingly no reason. If you’ve taken care of yourself by making sure you’re well fed, hydrated, slept well, exercised, etc., go to the next step.

Reach out to someone to help. Ask your significant other what you can do to help around the house or give them a surprise backrub. Work on a homemade gift for a friend. Ask someone to hang out. Text a friend who is going through a tough time. Volunteer. Get out of your head and help someone else.

I guarantee you will start to feel better shortly. Not only will you get the feel-good emotions of helping others, but your brain will also be distracted from your worries. Often this is enough to help you feel better quickly. You can also use helping others as a distraction to calm yourself down enough so you can remember to eat, take a nap, take your medication, meditate, or anything else that truly helps ease anxiety.

However, remember that constantly distracting your brain from anxiety won’t help in the long run. Try to frequently journal your anxiety and worries to see where it is stemming from and what you can do in your daily life to help heal it. If you suffer from frequent anxiety, you may want to talk to a mental health specialist and/or seek treatment and medication.

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How to Deal with Negative Emotions as a Highly Sensitive Person

Lauren Stewart — Mon, 01 Dec 2025 12:00:57 +0000

HSPs are wired to experience the world with greater emotional “vividness” — and that can make negative emotions overwhelming.

Remember when people used to say they were “high on life?” I’ve definitely felt that phenomenon, but I have also felt very low too. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I tend to feel all emotions to the extreme. For me, when dealing with any sort of big life change, my emotions feel like they’re on a rollercoaster. One minute, so excited — and the next panicked and tortured about dealing with it, even if it’s positive.

This happens to HSPs because the parts of our brains that process emotions are more active than they are in other people. We’re wired to experience the world with greater emotional “vividness,” almost like we’re seeing it in HD.

And, while that can be incredible with happy emotions, it makes negative emotions completely overwhelming. A single small source of anxiety can derail me for days. In fact, believe this is a common reason why many highly sensitive people feel like something is “wrong with them” or they wish to erase their high sensitivity for good.

Here’s why negative emotions hit HSPs hard — and what you can do to deal with them.

Why Negative Emotions Hit Hard for HSPs

Besides processing all emotions vividly, HSPs also deal with more emotions than the average person. This is because we tend to absorb emotions from other people (or just from the mood in the room). In other words, we don’t just deal with our own negative feelings, we have to deal with everyone else’s, too.

And we can easily get stuck in them. When you feel things so strongly and deeply, as HSPs do, and you’re picking them up everywhere you go, sometimes you have to take time to figure out what you’re even feeling and why. Are you anxious because of how that job interview went? Or is it just because the interviewer seemed distracted? Or, is it because the barista at the coffee shop was having a bad day and didn’t realize he was practically screaming it with his body language?

Sometimes, you end up harboring emotions like anger, sadness, or anxiety for reasons that aren’t even yours to deal with. Other times, they’re definitely your own — but you’re feeling them so strongly that it’s hard to even visualize them ever getting better.

Either way, that’s when it’s time to step back and start to process them — in a way that will actually help you get “un-stuck.”

5 Steps to Deal with Negative Emotions (and Actually Feel Better)

I believe learning to manage your emotions in a healthy way is important, and I give it a whole chapter in my book about my journey as a highly sensitive person with anxiety. Here are five steps I’ve identified to processing and moving past negative emotions:

1. You’re going to have to feel those feelings.

I don’t know about others, but when I’m feeling anxious or hurt, I want to shove that icky, negative feeling as far away as possible. But here’s the trick: you need to feel those emotions before you can fully release them.

For some people, that may be as simple as sitting quietly somewhere safe (cozy blanket, anyone?) and thinking through them. For me, though, it takes more. Some effective ways to really get unblocked and process an emotion include journaling, talking it out with a trusted friend — someone who treats you with respect — or simply crying. (Yes, crying is nature’s way of truly feeling something and letting it out!)

If you’re in a safe space, you could even scream, punch a pillow, or tear up paper. All of these put the feeling into motion and help you get un-stuck.

2. Use positive physical cues to calm yourself down.

These cues can involve deep breathing, yoga, hot tea or coffee, or the aforementioned cozy blanket. Personally, I prefer hot showers, because they’re not just relaxing but also cleansing. You can even use a little visualization: as you shower, picture yourself scrubbing away the negativity and inviting in more positive vibes.

Think about the physical sensations or rituals that make you feel calm, centered, and more relaxed. If you make it a point to use them whenever you’re overwhelmed by a negative emotion, your body will start to associate the physical cue with the healing process, and you’ll begin to feel better almost immediately.

3. Avoid negative emotional triggers.

You know what doesn’t help negativity? More negativity. No matter where it comes from, or how well-intentioned it might be.

Think of healing from negative emotions like healing from a scrape. There’s going to be a scab and a sore spot for a while. If you rub that spot, even just a little, the scab is likely to break and you’ll have to start all over (usually with even more pain).

So you need to avoid stressors when you’re dealing with negative feelings.

Personally, I try to avoid the news because it’s always negative. I also try to avoid people who are always looking for something to complain about, or who focus on the negatives. Look at the people in your life and how you feel after you see them. You may need to make some adjustments.

And, if you can’t exactly avoid some people in your life, learn to set healthy boundaries.

4. Feed your basic needs, not just your heart.

I know I tend to feel more negative emotions when I’m too tired, haven’t eaten properly, or feel stressed out. Emotions can seem all-consuming, but they live in your body with you. Taking good care of that body and mind is the first step, and will often have surprising effects on your heart as well.

Try meditation to reduce stress, eat regular healthy meals, drink lots of water, and get enough sleep. These are basic, and chances are, one of them will be more of a keystone for you than the others. Notice which things actually make you feel positive or less worried, and make a routine that works for YOU.

5. Focus on what you can control.

Often, when we’re stuck in a negative emotion, it’s because it feels big and overwhelming — like we either have to take on the world or completely handle it, or like it will roll over us no matter what we do. Usually, the truth is somewhere in between.

So, when you’re completely overwhelmed: remind yourself that you can’t control exactly what happens, and take that burden off yourself. And then ask: what do I control?

This is usually when you stop feeling powerless and start to see a path forward.

Remember: life would be boring if we only felt positive and happy. Negative emotions are there to balance you out, teach you a lesson, and help you feel grateful for the happy times. But that doesn’t mean you need to stay stuck in them.

Do you struggle with anxiety or difficult emotions? Lauren Stewart’s book, My Journey as a Highly Sensitive Person with Anxiety: How I went from an Emotional Mess to Confident Woman and You Can Too, is designed to help. Get your copy here.

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How to Break the Cycle of Self-Blame as an HSP

Shannon Whyte — Wed, 19 Nov 2025 09:21:46 +0000

Highly sensitive people may be more prone to blaming themselves for other people’s mistakes. Here’s how to break the self-blame cycle.

Have you ever been working on a group project and, when a mistake or problem surfaced, you automatically assumed you were to blame?

Or, when a person you know looks at you grumpily, do you assume they’re mad at you for some yet-to-be-discovered reason?

Assuming responsibility for mistakes that may not be yours can be emotionally exhausting and lead to problems, especially if it’s an automatic or “knee-jerk” reaction. As a result, you might feel emotionally off-balance — overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed.

Especially if you’re sensitive. Highly sensitive people (HSPs) may be more prone to immediately taking responsibility for problems and mistakes, given our conscientiousness and how strongly we react to emotions and conflict. Not only do we often “beat ourselves up” over a mistake, we can end up blaming ourselves for things even if we didn’t make a mistake — yes, even if it was someone else’s mistake.

Here’s why self-blame is so destructive, and how you can break the cycle.

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Why Do HSPs Blame Themselves?

To be clear, this kind of behavior isn’t restricted to HSPs — but I do think it’s a pitfall for us. Partly, this is just because we hate letting others down, and we’re very aware when other people are disappointed. We also tend to pick up on the emotions of others and react very strongly to criticism. That means that any sign that others are upset feels, to us, like a punch from a heavyweight.

And the line between “I want to make it better” and “it must be my fault” is a thin one.

But self-blame comes with consequences (whether it’s for a mistake that’s really ours or one that’s not). Over time, this tendency contributes to feelings of shame, anxiousness, insecurity, and a spiral of negative self-talk, leaving us vulnerable to depression and low self-worth. That’s unhealthy on its own, but it can also hurt us at work or in social situations, when we avoid taking an opportunity in order to minimize the chance of a mistake.

HSPs are also vulnerable to high levels of stress — and we can even feel that stress physically. We may experience stomach problems, headaches, sleep problems, or fatigue, making it harder to focus and do our best. As a result, we may have a harder time coping with mistakes, causing us to become further entangled in a self-blaming cycle.

3 Ways to Turn Off the ‘Blame Machine’ as an HSP

1. Take the panic out of it

When you catch yourself in the spiral of self-blame, it’s a good idea to treat it much like any other unhelpful emotion: take the panic out of it. One effective way to do that is by taking several deep breaths. Deep breathing helps reduce stress, including calming your heart rate, helping your body relax, and giving your mind the calm it needs to think.

Personally, I like to add a calming word or short phrase while I breathe deeply. This helps prevent the blaming thoughts from repeating over and over. I personally use “I’m okay,” but it can be anything soothing — it simply needs to have meaning to you (the word “peace” or simply counting will work just fine). While you’re breathing deeply, repeat the phrase quietly in your mind — you don’t need to say it out loud unless you want to.

Repeat this three or four times (or longer if you prefer), and only turn your attention back to the blame issue once you feel calmer.

2. Look at the situation objectively

Feelings of blame aren’t always about the issue itself. Often, they come from surprising places: whether we feel well-liked, who’s in charge, or how recently we’ve made other, unrelated mistakes. So it helps to get real about what happened.

Start by taking a moment to explore what your level of responsibility might be — before you make any conclusions. To be objective about it, try to step back by pretending you’re giving advice to a friend – not yourself. What really happened and why? What was your role here, and what actions did you take (not not take)?

If during this process you discover, yes — that was my responsibility — then own up to it, help problem-solve the situation, and learn from it to prevent future miscommunications. Remember that what really matters to others involved is whether they feel it’s been fixed, and that’s something you still have control over.

However, if you discover it was not your responsibility, remind yourself of that too. Don’t automatically take responsibility and don’t beat yourself up. If you can want to help problem-solve and come up with a solution, great. Just don’t take the blame.

3. Increase your self-compassion

A lot of times when we talk about compassion, it’s about how we treat others. But how kind you are to yourself matters, too (all the time — not just during the blame game!).

Dr. Kirstin Neff conducted research on self-compassion after becoming interested in Buddhism. She’s found that self-compassion can make it easier to handle and cope with mistakes. It also makes you more emotionally resilient in general, especially when it comes to painful emotions like fear, anger, or betrayal.

Dr. Neff recommends several practices that can help increase self-compassion:

Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness can help you overcome your inner critic, be more present in your everyday life, and learn to observe and not judge your thoughts and feelings.
Keep a journal. Journaling is a safe place to take note of situations where you thought harshly of yourself, judged yourself, or automatically took the blame. And it can help you change your viewpoint. For example: Would a friend treat you the same way you treated yourself? What would a friend say to you? If your friend had experienced this difficulty, what would you tell them? You can also use your journal to write down a kinder response that you can say to yourself — which can help put the brakes on self-blame.
Remind yourself that you are not the only person to feel this way. This reduces the feeling of “woe is me” and helps connect you to the world and avoid feelings of isolation.

Dear HSP, Love Yourself

Everyone makes mistakes. And it’s healthy to be honest about them when they happen. But, automatically assuming you’re responsible is emotionally exhausting and leads to problems.

As an HSP, you provide a variety of qualities that others value: a strong work ethic, loyalty, and empathy, to name a few. Never assume you are the problem. By taking the time to implement and practice these strategies, you will minimize future occurrences of automatic self-blaming and strengthen your feelings of self-acceptance. This will allow you to evaluate mistakes honestly, taking ownership when appropriate — but without the burden of self-blame.

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7 Self-Care Ideas for the Highly Sensitive Soul

Dawn Bevier — Mon, 17 Nov 2025 10:00:00 +0000

Dear highly sensitive soul, if you’re feeling like the world is “too much” for you, then it’s time for some self-love. Here’s how.

We highly sensitive humans have special qualities that both bring us triumph and cause us turmoil. Our rich inner life and emotional nature make us intuitive, creative, and compassionate; however, our delicate nature at times also causes us to feel overwhelmed and exasperated with the chaos of the modern world. English poet William Wordsworth perfectly summed it up when he wrote, “the world is too much with us.”

HSP, if you’re feeling like the world is “too much” for you, then it’s time for some pampering and self-love. Here are seven small ways I treat myself; perhaps they will bring you comfort, solace, and rejuvenation as well.

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Self-Care Ideas for the Highly Sensitive

1. Candles

There’s something about the mystique of a candle flickering in the dark that comforts my highly sensitive soul. Add a pleasing scent and, even better, a crackling wood flame, and I’m instantly transported to my “happy place.” Forever an “old soul” — as many highly sensitive people are — my spirit leaps at this small luxury. Perhaps the otherworldly and enchanting aura of the past reflects itself in the flame, and somehow this small item acts as my porthole into the sanctuary of another time and place.

Even better, it allows me to inhabit other, more immediate sanctuaries — my inner selves, my imagination, and my crucial need for quiet reflection.

2. Fragrance

Highly sensitive souls are deeply sensual and have an appreciation for anything that brings us closer to our emotions. Sonya Rykiel, French fashion designer and writer, perfectly explains the allure and intoxication of fragrance:

“Perfume is like a parenthesis, a moment of freedom, peace, love and sensuality in between the disturbances of modern living.”=

Sensitive souls like you and me need this olfactory vacation; we’re bombarded throughout the day by unpleasant smells, and due to our deep processing, we run the risk of becoming smangry. A rich fragrance, on the other hand, quiets my inner mania and rebalances my equilibrium.

In addition, perfume adds a fantastical element to the mundane world I sometimes feel trapped in. As HSPs, our vibrant inner world is usually far more intriguing than the outer one. The added sensory aspect of fragrance enhances the drama of my surroundings, bringing a touch of charm to the day-to-day drudgery.

3. Books

Poet Anaïs Nin once said:

“Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a center. So we lost our center and have to find it again.”

Her words could be applied to highly sensitive people as well, as we think deeply, crave downtime, and cherish calm.

Books help me find this center. Through immersing myself in the life and thoughts of others through literature, I come closer to understanding myself and my world. I use the lessons gathered in their pages to unravel the intricacies of my own psyche and the complexity of the souls who wander through my world. This thirst for understanding preoccupies all HSPs, and a book is a cool drink of water for our parched souls.

4. Anything soft or fuzzy

Sometimes my HSP need for inner tranquility translates into odd texture fetish: for example, brushed cotton pajamas, a wooly sherpa blanket, the cool slick touch of silk, or the comforting warmth of cashmere. These make my heart beat a little faster — in a good way. Why? Perhaps they remind me of the security of the womb, soft, safe, and snug. Being nestled in a cocoon of tranquil textures calms my anxiety and provides a soothing barrier from the harsh chaos of the world.

5. Music

Looking for good words to describe the highly sensitive soul, I came across one that seems to sum up the needs of most of my tribe: Epicurean. In its modern day usage, it means indulgence or the desire for the extravagance of sensual pleasure. For those most attuned to their inner identity, music provides this luxury. For me, it is the soulful piano melodies of Chopin. For you, it may be the hypnotic notes of Billie Holliday as she croons to a provocative jazz rhythm.

Everyone’s preferences in music are different, but its curative powers remain universal. Music speaks to my sensitive soul, mirroring my emotions or acting as a soothing balm. At times, I, like many highly sensitive souls, feel there are so many different sides of me struggling to coalesce, and music speaks to each of these warring factions, somehow bringing them into balance.

6. Silence

“Silence is golden” is never more true than for the highly sensitive soul. Chatty coworkers. Crying babies. Arguing children. The endless stream of outside noise can chip away at our limited energy. I have to have a “time out” of sorts, and a few moments of silence can do wonders to alleviate my struggles.

A white noise machine (or one featuring gentle ocean sounds) can take the bite out of the auditory overload we HSPs often experience. Less glamorous but still helpful? Noise cancelling headphones make the ambient sounds of the workplace or subway less taxing for me.

But the best case scenario for those willing to pay more for a peaceful interlude? My best “me” gifts are giving myself up to the pleasure of a weekend trip to the mountains or a quaint bed and breakfast near the ocean; there’s no better balm for overstimulation than switching from sounds of screeching traffic or police sirens to the quieting murmur of ocean waves or the lulling sounds of a babbling brook.

7. Mix and match the above ideas for self-love success

These are some ideas that thrill my highly sensitive soul. Brainstorm your own similar options that evoke the pleasures of the senses. For example, instead of perfume, you could purchase an aromatherapy diffuser which radiates the calming scent of lavender or the comforting essence of chamomile. Add more pleasure by investing in a soft, velvety, weighted blanket — perfect for those who have anxiety because the added weight calms the muscles and hugs the user in a swaddling effect.

Whatever the treat, rest assured it will be perfect if it speaks to your senses, promotes beauty and balance, or entices the emotions. Happy hunting, and may you find the peace your highly sensitive soul deeply deserves.

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This Simple Concept About Balance Changed My Life as an HSP

Tiara Ariel — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 08:00:00 +0000

From one HSP to another — please, don’t limit yourself to just surviving. You are capable of so much more.

How to live happily and healthily as a highly sensitive person (HSP) has been something I’ve been trying to figure out my whole life. As what I refer to as a “full-blown HSP,” I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how I could make this vision of health and happiness a reality. But before I could, I had to figure out what that vision even was.

In my first few days of my Health Coaching education, I learned a very simple but profound concept that would become a recurring theme throughout the program; a concept that has really stuck with me in my personal life and in my coaching practice. It was a way of looking at life that divides it up into key foundational sections that can either feed us, stabilize us, or drain us. With this model, our overall health and happiness depend on the total sum of our levels of satisfaction in each area.

Too often, we see someone else who looks happy and healthy, and we think: “Wow, they have the perfect relationship,” or “They have an excellent high-paying career,” or “They have the ideal body shape and are incredibly healthy.” We see one thing that someone has succeeded in and think they’ve got it all figured out.

But the person with the wonderful relationship may struggle with their finances or career, and the person with the high-paying job may be burned out. Having the idea that excelling in one area of life brings us health and/or happiness is a misconception. Choosing to focus all your energy into one aspect to reach extreme success in just that single area is actually doing the rest of your life a disservice.

From these realizations, I came to this conclusion: true health and happiness come (and stay) with balance.

Let me show you what I mean with a metaphor: Imagine a structure built atop one single pillar — pretty unstable, right? Hmm… how about two pillars then? That’s a little more stable, yes, but there’s still a great deal of swaying that can occur on either side.

Now, imagine that same structure built atop three, four, or even five strong, solid pillars… pillars that extend far beneath the surface and do not waver in the wind. Now that is a sturdy structure; that is a solid, dependable foundation that can fully support and actualize a vibrant vision of what healthy and happy is for you.

Why This Is so Important For HSPs

Over and over again throughout my studies, I came back to this idea of balancing the energy we put into each of our pillars. I contemplated more deeply what this could mean for someone like me, a highly sensitive person.

This concept is valuable for all people (sensitive or not), however, if you’re an HSP, I believe this is even more so the case. Your pillars as an HSP need to be that much more rooted into the ground in order for your “structure” not to sway back and forth in the ever-changing winds of life.

Part of what makes us beautiful as HSPs — and what makes life challenging at times — is how much we’re affected and touched by life. We need to embrace and work with this aspect of ourselves to truly be happy. Don’t shame the pillars because they’re so shaky. Instead, look at them with loving eyes, and spend time nurturing them.

Strengthen, balance, and slowly build the pillars up. Create a foundation that is unapologetically and uniquely empowering and supportive to you as an HSP.

I want to encourage HSPs to really take this idea to heart. Speaking from personal experience, and those of my clients, it will change your life.

5 Tips to Build a Solid Health and Happiness Foundation

So, how exactly do I nurture my pillars? Here are five tips to help you get started:

1. Make a list of your pillars.

Think of each pillar as an area of your life that stabilizes and grounds you. These pillars can be your career, relationships, nutrition, home environment, and more. Try to look at your life with fresh eyes and be honest with yourself. What are the main factors contributing to your overall health and happiness?

2. Pick 1-3 areas that you think affect your health and happiness the most as an HSP.

Think of the few things that affect your day the most as an HSP. What areas are most likely to uplift you when they are going well, and really drain you when they are not?

For example, I’ve found in my coaching practice that home environment is a big one for HSPs. We absolutely need a sacred space to come home to each day to unwind, decompress, recharge, and de-stimulate. So, you might put “home environment” at the top of your pillars list.

3. Re-evaluate your needs in these areas.

Try to be observational, non-judgmental, and compassionate towards yourself when reflecting on what your genuine needs and wants are, and what exactly may need to shift in your life to better support them. This should be an empowering exercise, not another way for HSPs to beat themselves up.

4. Take action in small ways day by day to improve them.

I encourage people to start small, and work their way up to larger tasks to prevent overwhelm and burnout. Big changes that last happen in small steps that you are consistent with. Don’t increase your likelihood of getting discouraged by taking on too much at once. Pick action items that are manageable that you can and will follow through with. Over time, you’ll see tangible, positive improvements that will stick.

For example, if you chose “home environment,” you might focus on creating an HSP sanctuary of sorts. It’s my belief that every HSP needs at least a nook in their home — if not an entire room! — where they can have a “stimulation break.” An area with soft blankets and pillows, where the lights can be dimmed, and the sounds can be muffled, where maybe they can be surrounded by beautiful artwork or music, and/or where they can be alone and breathe without interruptions.

Ask yourself these questions:

Do I currently have a sacred space in my home?
Do I need to communicate to the rest of the household that I need a time and/or space where I can recharge?
Do I need to declutter?
Do I need to shift my living arrangement altogether?

Work to adjust whatever comes up for you, one step and one day at a time. Before you know it, you will have strengthened a pillar.

5. Seek out support from others when you need encouragement or guidance.

Asking for help is not weakness, it is strength. Positive change is much more likely to happen when you have someone to inspire you and hold you accountable, whether it’s a coach, friend, or group of others with similar goals. (If you’re looking for an online group like this, you’re invited to join my Facebook group for support in self-transformation.)

If You Remember Anything From This Post, Remember This

If there was only one thing I could teach HSPs, it would be to believe in the possibility of thriving in life, and not just surviving. There are all these resources out there now for how to survive as an HSP. While I think it’s excellent that these survival guides are helping the trait become more widely known — and providing a helpful tool for HSPs — I also feel that the mere fact that they are titled “survival guides” sends us the underlying message that all we can aspire to be is survivors.

How we view what is possible for us has a major influence on our health and happiness. I choose to believe that our potential as a group is far beyond that.

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From one HSP to another — please, don’t limit yourself to just surviving. Try to entertain the idea, even just for a moment, that you are capable of so much more. Thriving is possible if you start putting loving energy into each pillar of your life until you are well past the point of surviving.

Your pillars can become so well-grounded that the things in life that used to sway you a great deal no longer do. And once you get there, know that your source of health and happiness is coming from a place that has been built with structural integrity, and was created to last.

Trust that it will stay that way if you continue to nurture each pillar as you grow. This is how you cultivate and maintain deeply authentic, long-lasting health and happiness — and thrive as an HSP.

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Do You Prefer Writing to Speaking? You Might Be a Highly Sensitive Person

Ann Harikeerthan — Tue, 11 Nov 2025 12:00:00 +0000

Is it easier for you to write something than talk it out? This might be why.

Every day after getting back from middle school, I’d hurry to my room, open my notebook, and start writing. There were stories of things that happened which I didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone about out loud. There were emotions that needed to be expressed, which others might have called “too much” or “inappropriate.” And there were thoughts that needed to be sorted through which weren’t clear enough to be a part of an actual conversation.

I wrote to express these tales, feelings, and ideas. The page was my companion as I unburdened myself. It listened in silence without prejudice or judgment. It didn’t call me names. It just provided a safe space wherein I could dive deeper into myself. I felt my thoughts get clearer and my emotions ebb to calmness with every sentence. I felt heard and understood. And I found satisfaction in the process, as well as in the things I wrote.

If you have noticed that it’s easier and more enjoyable for you to write rather than speak out your emotions, thoughts, and experiences, you might be a highly sensitive person (HSP). Highly sensitive people are the roughly 30% of the population who are wired at a brain level to process all information more deeply. This makes them more sensitive to the world around them, both emotionally and physically.

In other words: if you’re a highly sensitive person, you’re experiencing the world very differently than others do. You think more deeply, feel more strongly, and have a lot going on in your head. That can make it hard to get your words out — unless you have the time to sort them out in writing.

Sometimes, this can feel like a liability. After all, who doesn’t want to always have the perfect comeback, or know the perfect thing to say? But your preference for writing can actually give you an advantage. Here’s why — and how to get the most out of it.

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Why Writing Helps Sensitive People

There are three main reasons why a preference for writing is actually an advantage for sensitive people:

1. It streamlines your many, many thoughts.

In the book Sensitive by Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo, co-founders of Sensitive Refuge, there’s a line that really resonated with me: “She has a lot of thoughts — libraries of them — and people rarely understand them.”

Because highly sensitive people are deep thinkers and process everything deeply, there tend to be scores of thoughts swirling around in our minds. It is wonderful that we are this way, but when there are too many things to think about, it can feel heavy and overwhelming.It’s often difficult to talk about these thoughts aloud because, although there’s a profound idea in there somewhere, it may not be formed enough to be shared.

Writing can really help with this. The process of holding a pen to paper and writing — or clicking on keys and typing — grounds us. Writing streamlines our thoughts. Our focus converges to one thought at a time. And things slowly get clearer. Thus, writing can be a wonderful way to listen to ourselves.

(Plus, personally, I think HSPs make the greatest writers!)

2. It helps you release your feelings and emotions.

Sometimes, we experience overwhelming feelings that we can’t easily describe. Once, I felt an emotion that was like a mixture of sadness and excitement, as well as profundity and potential. It was very frustrating to know that I was going through something without knowing how to explain it to anyone else.

At that point, the flowers on the trees outside my window caught my attention. I began to write a poem imagining myself as a bud, wondering whether it could bloom. By the end of the stanza, I had concluded that I might as well try. Through that poem, I felt like I could express all my complicated emotions. I also had something simple that I could show to my loved ones to let them know what I was experiencing.

Writing can help HSPs express feelings and emotions that are not straightforward. The process of doing so can reduce overwhelm while also creating something beautiful. Writing allows space and time for the expression of what is otherwise difficult to convey.

3. It can be a judgment-free space for creativity.

We HSPs capture a lot of information from our environment and imbibe the emotions of the people around us. Then, we spend time reflecting on it… all of it. This tends to fill us with bustling ideas, and as a result, HSPs are often very creative. As Granneman and Sólo say, “sensory intelligence, depth of processing, and depth of emotion… together add up to a creative mind.”

However, we rarely express our ideas perfectly the first time around. Writing is great in this context, because it doesn’t put us on the spot with the requirement that we perform at 100 percent. Whether it’s planning a vacation or running a business, we can use the process of writing to better prepare ourselves.We can have secret notebooks and documents that are extensions of our minds. They can be judgment-free zones.

Mine are full of scratches and scribbles, incomprehensible and disconnected. It’s okay, because they’re for my eyes only. We can then work on our “scribblings” more, test our ideas, reorder, polish, edit, and rewrite as much as we’d like. We can also familiarize ourselves with, and become comfortable with, its content — and share only what we want to (and when we feel it’s ready to be shown).

So, if all this piques your interest, there are some writing techniques you might like to try.

4 Ways to Harness Your Knack for Writing

Here are four writing techniques that can help you get the most out of your preference for writing — and turn it into a major advantage.

1. Morning pages

In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron says, “Write your morning pages. Three pages of whatever crosses your mind — that’s all there is to it. If you can’t think of anything to write, then write, ‘I can’t think of anything to write…’”

In essence, morning pages are three pages of thoughts. You write whatever comes to your mind without censoring, correcting, or editing. Your writing doesn’t have to be artistic or beautiful. It’s just the conduit for you to listen to the creative part of you within.

The first time I tried morning pages, it felt awkward. However, as I persisted, it slowly became a practice I enjoyed and looked forward to. I’ve found morning pages to be particularly useful when I’m waking up from troubling dreams, when I’m disturbed by the things I’ve encountered, or when I’m overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. It has been very calming and has helped me understand myself better.

2. Timed free-writing

I learned this from my teachers at the Creative Writing Programme, UK.It’s similar to morning pages in that we write whatever comes to us without censoring or editing it. However, instead of the three-page cut-off, an alarm goes off at the end of 10 minutes. Often, our teachers would couple timed free-writing with a prompt to help us get started. A prompt can be anything, such as, “Write about a time you felt free/scared/happy,” or what have you.

This method has been my go-to whenever I feel unmotivated to write. It tends to feel like a chore in the beginning. But I tell myself, “It’s just 10 minutes. I can do that.” Very often, I find that I enjoy what I’m writing and keep going even after the timer has gone off.

3. Writing with the senses

As mentioned in the point above, we can use prompts to help us get started. One type of prompt could be a sensory experience. A couple of years back, I was writing a short fictional piece about a butterfly, inspired by something I heard on the news. However, a paragraph in, I was stuck and couldn’t write anymore. After trying to get my mojo back for a couple of days, I decided to try sitting in a park to write. Nature stirred me. I imagined what the world would feel like from my hero’s (the butterfly’s) perspective. Ideas began coming together and I was able to complete the first draft of that story in a few hours.

The prompt could be a piece of art, a song, or an object that you twirl between our fingers. Anything that teases the senses would work. These prompts can help kickstart a project, as well as enrich and deepen your writing.

4. Writing with questions

The final tool I’d like to share is writing with questions. We can use prompts that already exist (here’s an article on journaling that has a few to help you get started) or we could begin by first thinking of a few questions that we’d like to answer.

Once we have the questions, we sit and write out the answers. It’s as if we’re interviewing ourselves. As we do, we’d see just how much wisdom exists within us. I’ve found this to be particularly helpful when working on bigger projects, like essays. It helps bring structure and keeps me focused on what I need to cover. It could also help you reflect on your personal growth, business, and goals.

What Should You Do With Your Writing?

We’ve considered how writing can help HSPs and looked at a few techniques to get started. You might now be wondering what to do with your writing. What happens to all those notebooks full of your inner thoughts and ideas?

It could be just for you. Writing is a very personal experience. We don’t need to share anything that we are not comfortable sharing. Our writing could be just for us. I save all my notebooks and look through them when I need inspiration. It’s often been very rewarding to read my ideas from years back. It could encourage you to see your growth. You might also find thoughts in there that were unformed when you jotted them down, which are now ready for further exploration.
You could share it. While some writing may just be for us, we might find that there are other pieces of work that we want to show the world. We can develop it further, post it on social media, add it to our blog, send it out to magazines (including Highly Sensitive Refuge) or read it out and perform it for a group of friends and family.
You could use it to inform your personal development. In many ways, writing can be a lifesaver. Personally, this practice has helped me get through anxiety and spells of having a low mood. It has also helped me rediscover who I am and give myself love and acceptance. In this way, the page has been my therapist. However, there are times when we need to reach out to someone else. A couple of good indicators are when successive pieces of writing seem to be obsessing over similarly distressing themes or when it feels like we cannot see solutions to our struggles. The process of writing itself provides a lot of insight and can help us identify when to reach out to another person.

So, Give It a Try

As sensitive people, we can write to understand and express our emotions, thoughts, and ideas. If it’s not yet a part of your daily (or weekly) practice, give it a try.

But as an HSP, also remember to be kind to yourself as you begin the process, and refrain from judging your words (or blank pages, for that matter). Happy writing!

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9 Ways I Manage My Chronic Illness as a Highly Sensitive Person

Rebekah Harcrow — Fri, 31 Oct 2025 08:00:00 +0000

Why do chronic illnesses hit HSPs differently — and how can you stop them from taking over your life?

When my fibromyalgia symptoms first began four years ago, I legitimately thought I was dying. It’s a chronic disorder that causes widespread pain, fatigue, and other neurological symptoms. Debilitating pain struck through my entire body like lightning, and exhaustion found me everywhere I went. At 26 years old and a life-long “go-getter,” it was unnerving — to say the least.

As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I’ve always had a fairly low tolerance for pain. I remember feeling traumatized as a child after falling one day while riding my bicycle. I had only scraped my knees, but the pain felt so overwhelming that I was afraid to ride again for months afterward. So to be an adult and have this sudden onset of new symptoms that caused acute pain all over my body was especially petrifying for me.

Combating a chronic illness can be burdensome for anyone. But as an HSP, my struggle contains a unique twist. Highly sensitive people not only tend to have a higher sensitivity to pain, but we’re also very attached to our safe routines in life. So, making a change — i.e., having to adapt to having a sudden chronic illness — feels similar to driving a train that has just been derailed. Additionally, highly sensitive people can often become overwhelmed by their emotions, making even day-to-day life seem daunting (before you even add a chronic illness into the mix).

Thankfully, I soon learned that fibromyalgia is not lethal, it only feels that way sometimes. Although my journey since my diagnosis has been arduous, I have found ways to help manage my symptoms and continue living the best life I can. Below are nine steps that have helped me, as a highly sensitive person, effectively process my diagnosis and manage my chronic condition. You can apply the tips to your life, too, no matter what chronic illness you may be suffering from.

9 Ways to Manage Your Chronic Illness as a Highly Sensitive Person

1. Find a therapist you trust and who “gets” you.

Research shows that psychotherapy offers an abundance of benefits for those needing support. However, sitting in a therapist’s office revealing intimate details of my life initially felt unnatural to me — and even frightening. This is especially common for highly sensitive people, since starting therapy can be a nightmare: it is a huge change of its own (have I mentioned that HSPs loathe change?). Plus, seeing any kind of doctor can be stressful for HSPs.

I realized that I just needed time to adapt, which meant I needed a therapist I could trust to be patient with me during that process. In her book, Maybe You Should Talk To Someone, psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb explains that therapists and patients must establish a feeling of mutual trust in order for change to occur; a process that can often take multiple sessions.

Forming this bond with my therapist took months, but eventually she helped me take the steps I needed to accept not only my illness, but myself, as well.

2. Establish an effective bedtime routine, like avoiding screens for an hour or two before bed.

HSPs typically need more sleep than others due to their overactive senses. For me personally, nine hours per night is the “sweet spot.” Any less sleep and I feel overwhelmed, moody, and unproductive. And my fibromyalgia symptoms? Unbearable.

Ensuring you get a proper night’s rest requires intention and discipline. I became mindful about my decisions throughout the day that could harm my chances of getting enough zzz’s at night. This meant creating a helpful “wind down” routine before bed each evening to prepare my mind for sleep. Experts, too, stress the importance of practicing good sleep hygiene.

Here is my current ritual I’ve adopted over the years, which I typically begin one to two hours before bed:

Spend at least 10 minutes meditating (Headspace, Calm, and Sanvello are my go-tos).
Turn off all screens (phone, television, and laptop).
Dim bedroom lights.
Take a relaxing hot shower or bath.
Lights out!

3. Avoid foods that exacerbate your symptoms; creating a food diary can help.

I’ve always been a “selective eater” when it comes to certain foods (some HSPs are known for their picky eating). So about a year after my symptoms appeared, I began paying even closer attention to how particular foods affected me: I created a food diary, taking note of specific foods or ingredients that aggravated my symptoms.

As a result, I eliminated refined sugar, artificial ingredients, and dairy — foods that have been shown to cause inflammation — from my diet completely. Since HSPs often feel the effects of caffeine more strongly, I felt additional relief whenever I replaced my morning coffee with herbal tea.

4. Set clear, kind boundaries and put you and your needs first, like if you only have energy to video chat for a half-hour.

As highly sensitive people, setting boundaries with those around us is crucial to maintaining our sanity and preventing overstimulation. However, saying “no” was a problem for my HSP self and something I struggled with immensely — I’d find myself apologizing profusely (out of guilt) for declining activities I knew my sickly body couldn’t handle.

But my mindset shifted when I discovered that setting clear boundaries is actually an act of kindness. As researcher Brené Brown explained in her book Dare to Lead, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Being clear with someone about your feelings may seem awkward, but it is ultimately a kind thing to do if done tenderly. Soon, I felt empowered to unapologetically put myself first, even if that meant saying no to others.

Setting kind boundaries can look like saying things such as “It’s been wonderful catching up with you over video chat, but I have to get going now” or “I would love to meet you for a hike. However, I will need to head home at six o’clock sharp.”

5. Find a strong support system you can lean on.

In a Psychology Today article, Emma Seppälä, Ph.D., explained that being truly connected to others has been shown to strengthen our immune systems and — believe it or not — actually increases life expectancy.

Being a highly sensitive person can be a blessing and a curse, so in difficult times, having people around me who truly see and support me has been crucial to persevering. I joined an online support group for my illness, confided in dear friends, and found a mentor who has walked in familiar shoes. In terms of relationships, it’s quality over quantity for HSPs. So even having one or two people in my life who I can consistently turn to for support has been highly beneficial.

6. Adopt a pet — they’ll be a comforting presence and remind you that you’re not alone.

Highly sensitive people are known to adore animals of all kinds, as they can be a comforting presence in the midst of quiet solitude. Although I’ve always been especially fond of the canine species (I grew up with several beloved dogs as a child), some have proven to be too high-energy for me as a chronically ill HSP.

Luckily, cats offer the same loving companionship of dogs, but are far more independent as pets. After I became a cat parent, I discovered that, although felines often need their peaceful solitude (just like their HSP owners), some will still curl up next to you on the couch for a while, subtly reminding you that you’re not alone.

No matter what kind of pet you get — even a smaller one, like goldfish or rabbit — they can prove to be a comforting presence for your highly sensitive soul.

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7. Invest in a comfy wardrobe. Elastic-waisted pants? Yes, please!

Because HSPs are more sensitive to certain stimuli, tight clothing or harsh fabric can quickly become intolerable for us.

Combined with the fatigue from my chronic illness, I soon found that comfort triumphs over fashion most days of the week. I began investing in clothing I can feel cozy in: cotton and silk tops, loose-fitting sweaters, and elastic-waisted pants are some of my favorite essentials. I avoid, avoid, avoid heavy or scratchy materials, such as denim, wool, or polyester. I also select bras without wiring or bulky padding (or at times opt to go braless altogether). Also, a few (or twenty) pairs of fuzzy socks never hurt anybody!

8. Create a therapeutic environment you can retreat to — your very own HSP sanctuary.

Because highly sensitive people tend to have the inherent need to retreat in solitude, I created a restful space in my home that allows me to channel my energy into fighting my illness — my very own HSP sanctuary. I chose a soothing color scheme (deep blues, soft greens, and light pinks are calming colors that promote a tranquil environment for me) and decorated the area in accordance to things I love most — after all, the space needs to feel like it’s my own.

Because HSPs can be sensitive to cold temperatures, I also use an electric heating blanket during the winter to help maintain a comfortable atmosphere. And since highly sensitive people are known to be weary of bright lights, dim lighting — like candles or a small lamp — helps, too. Additionally, I diffuse a small amount of lavender essential oil (which has been proven to enhance relaxation) — HSPs can be sensitive to strong smells — and voilà: I have a harmonious retreat my senses thank me for.

9. Cultivate gratitude: be grateful for everything from your daily coffee to the sunny day.

Former U.S. president Theodore Roosevelt famously said that “comparison is the thief of joy.” Similarly, writer Elaine S. Marshall has stated that “gratitude is the gateway to joy.” And in her book, The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want, American professor Sonya Lyubomirsky described gratitude as an “antidote to negative emotions.”

Because highly sensitive people are deep thinkers and often spend time reflecting on their lives, they must be mindful of the direction of their thoughts. I started a gratitude journal where I write down five things I am grateful for each day. When I focus my thoughts on being grateful for what I have — everything from my morning coffee to a sunny day to a friend who really helped me out — rather than worrying about what I do not, I often find myself cultivating gratitude. And, therefore, this automatically translates to a feeling of great joy.

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How to Deal with Overwhelming Social Events as an HSP

Jacquie Shea — Wed, 29 Oct 2025 07:00:00 +0000

Using these tactics, you can thrive — not just survive — in stimulating social environments as an HSP.

If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you probably read the title of this article and wondered how it’s possible: How can HSPs possibly thrive in stimulating social environments? And, you know what? I get it.

Well, consider this, how research has shown that while HSPs are more susceptible to displeasurable sensory input, we are also more susceptible to receiving the benefits of enjoyable sensory input (which also means increased capacity for recovery). It is under this idea that I have found ways to enjoy large social gatherings — even just for a few hours — and better sustain myself if, and when, the stimulation becomes overwhelming.

So, below, I’m going to give you real, actionable steps that I take to better prepare myself for large social events as an HSP and set myself up for the best experience possible. And you can, too.

7 Ways to Thrive in Stimulating Social Environments as an HSP

1. Do as much preparation as you possibly can

One key to doing well in stimulating environments is to prepare — both mentally and physically — as much as you possibly can beforehand. If I know I have a large social event on a given day, I try to make sure that the rest of the day will be relatively slow and/or soothing for my nervous system. Then, about an hour before I leave for the event, I meditate (preferably outside) and engage in energy work practices. First, I feel myself connect to both earth and spirit through my spinal cord. Then, I imagine earth elements filling in any holes in my energetic field and envision a beautiful pink bubble of love surrounding and protecting me. Doing this energetic work beforehand has been a game-changer for me, and there are a variety of techniques that you can employ if you’re unfamiliar with the practice.

I also prepare for an event via spiritual scheduling. To each their own, but for me, I notice a big difference in how I take in sensory and emotional input during different phases of the monthly cycles (both the moon’s and my own). So I try to avoid scheduling long social events within a day or two of the full moon, as well as toward the end of my premenstrual phase and the beginning of my menstrual phase. These tend to be the times that I feel most “spongey” to external input, so if I do have to fit something in during these time frames, I make sure to choose environments and people that I feel extra comfortable with whenever possible.

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2. Scope out the place as soon as you arrive

The moment I arrive somewhere, the first thing I do is a “vibe check.” As overused as the phrase is, HSPs tend to pick up on the subtleties of their environments deeply and quickly. This gives us the advantage of being able to detect the most friendly people, areas, and objects for our nervous systems from the get-go.

For me, these spaces are usually farthest from the music and alcohol, and closest to any plants and comfortable seating areas. If you are unable to choose your seating, try to locate a sensory input that is pleasurable to you and come back to it as often as necessary. This could be a silky tablecloth, the fruit water in your glass, or a beautiful piece of art in your line of sight.

3. Engage: Focus your attention on certain people or activities

I know, it might sound counterintuitive to engage with people or other types of input (like sounds, tastes, or sights). But if you focus on ones you like, it will improve your experience.

I’ve often found that while the overall atmosphere of a large social gathering is overwhelming, when I focus my attention on one person or activity, other input becomes somewhat peripheral. I think of it as a sort of “flow state,” if you will. If you are in a particularly stimulating area (i.e, one with lots of noise), you can also ask whomever you are talking to if they’d like to move somewhere else. People say “sure” more often than you think!

4. Take lots of breaks — they will help lessen any overstimulation

Regardless of how much fun you’re having, it is likely that you will eventually need a break (or five). Sometimes, it’s easy to step outside and get a breath of fresh air. If this is the case, it’s even better if you can find a dirt or grassy patch where you can take your shoes off and connect to the earth. After all, nature makes highly sensitive souls happy.

If this is not the case, I’ve often found solace in taking an extended bathroom break (individual rooms are better, but a stall can work, too). This is where a well-packed purse can come in handy. These are my purse must-haves:

Water and healthy snacks (as I am sensitive to spicy + extra sugary foods)
Lavender essential oil (talk about calming)
Flower essence remedy of your choice
Phone charger (to ensure car playlists can be played to, from, or during the event)
Hair tie (putting my hair up if it gets too warm is a simple and effective way to decrease or prevent overstimulation)
Grounding stones or crystals (great to hold in your hand if you start to feel overstimulated)

So when you’re on a break from socializing, apply your lavender oil and hold a piece of the earth in your palms! I like to practice the emotional freedom technique (EFT), too, wherein you tap various energy “hot spots” on your body while reciting a phrase such as “I am safe.” The tapping helps you access your body’s energy and sends signals to the part of the brain that controls stress. I also like to practice conscious breathing during my breaks to calm my nervous system and recenter. Pro tip: When you wash your hands, imagine any unwanted energy falling down the drain — works like a charm!

5. Have go-to phrases ready to make leaving easier

When we highly sensitive souls need to leave a social gathering, we need to leave. We’ve had enough and just want to be alone! After all, we want to avoid getting an “HSP hangover”! So it helps to have some go-to phrases ready:

“Thank you so much for inviting me. I need to get going to (insert commitment here), but it was great seeing you!”
“I have a long drive back tonight, but I want to thank you for having me at this lovely event.”
“I’m feeling a bit tired and have to get up early tomorrow, so I’m going to get going. Thank you so much for the time and energy you put into this gathering. I hope I see you again soon!”

With these in mind, you won’t get even more overwhelmed trying to think of reasons to leave. (You can also have these written down on a piece of paper in your purse or in a Notes app in your phone!)

6. Schedule in alone time afterwards

We sensitive types need alone time after we’re overstimulated — there’s nothing we love more than holing up in our HSP sanctuary to do something calming, like reading a book or taking a nap.

In order to figure out what you need after a social event, listen to your body. After a particularly stimulating social event, I tend to feel one of two ways — exhilarated or exhausted, depending on what kind of event it was. Usually, the first occurs during smaller events if I happen to connect with someone in a really profound way and am feeling excited to have meaningfully connected with someone. Either way, though, neither feeling falls within a state of regulation, so it is important for me to tune into my body and feel which direction I’ve swung to guide my rest and recovery process.

A few months ago, for example, I celebrated my college graduation with my close friends and family the day before Mother’s Day. Needless to say, I had to sit in a quiet room by myself the following Monday to decompress from two days in a row of social activities. Usually, I try to avoid this by scheduling out multiple days in between long social gatherings and by limiting them to 1-2 times per week when possible. This helps decrease my sense of overstimulation a lot. In cases when this is not possible, I try to schedule in time for a restorative practice — like yoga, tai chi, or a simple meditation — before jumping from one activity to the next. Speaking of which…

7. Have a post-event decompression method ready

I find that what I do to decompress after an event all depends on the type of social event I just attended. For instance, if I’m all keyed up afterwards and feel jumpy or antsy, the sensory information that my body tries to process can be too much to bear. The first thing I will do in this situation is literally shake it out. A great way to do this is to jump around and let your arms flail without trying to control a single muscle in your body. Similar to how your dog periodically shakes off extra stimulation, I’ve found that this freeform movement has a similar impact on us humans. I also make an effort to breathe slowly and choose slow-to-mid tempo music for the car ride home so that my nervous system can re-regulate back to center.

However, if I’m feeling depleted, I’ll use another technique to restore my HSP balance. I can always tell I’m depleted when I feel tense and dried up — figuratively, I feel like sandpaper that’s been stripped of inner and outer barriers and resources. The first thing I will do in this situation is move my body in a more flowy way — think Phoebe Buffet — to allow any tension to start to shift, and I will combine this movement with some EFT.

Drinking water is also very helpful in this situation, as it literally feels like my body becomes rejuvenated with this life-giving liquid (our bodies are around 60 percent water, after all!). I also imagine myself breathing in vital life force energy and exhaling all tension, and will often drive home in silence (but if I do choose to listen to something, Essie Jane is usually my top choice).

Or, I’ll take an “HSP recovery bath” — here’s how:

Take a physical shower and imagine the day washing off
Take a warm bath with Epsom salts and your favorite scents
Take an energetic shower — either in the physical shower or somewhere else you feel comfortable — and practice some of the energy techniques described above
Take a forest bath and feel any excess energy compost into the earth

All in All, Do What Works Best for You

Although it may take some trial and error, soon, you’ll know which decompression methods work best for you. The bottom line? Curate what you can, and trust that these choices will help you enough to move resiliently through what you can’t. While it may not be easy, learning to thrive — and not just survive — in these stimulating social environments is possible for us HSPs. So, the next time you’re invited to a large social gathering, prep your schedule, pack your toolbox, and enjoy the party.

Fellow highly sensitive people, what are some ways you thrive in socially stimulating environments? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

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Why Therapy Can Be a Nightmare for HSPs (But Doesn’t Have to Be)

Amy Bouwer — Mon, 20 Oct 2025 11:00:00 +0000

My therapist told me I was being “silly” and I should “stop being so emotional.” She was wrong.

Depression, anxiety and other mood disorders are realities for many highly sensitive people (HSPs) that we may come to accept as the norm. While seeking out professional help is a huge and necessary accomplishment, the initial experience of therapy can actually be traumatic and terrifying — especially if you’re highly sensitive.

(Note: being an HSP is not a disorder, and is a healthy thing to be. However, many HSPs, like anyone else, can suffer from depression and other disorders, and therapy helps.)

It took several months of pleas from my desperate loved ones for me to see a specialist. For me, the very act of acknowledging that I needed help was difficult and scary. I was fine, I told myself. This was just a rough patch. A rough month. A rough year.

I’d get through it.

A lot of people have this reaction when they first consider therapy. But for highly sensitive people, it can be even harder to actually make that appointment, because we might see reaching out for help as a personal failure, a threat to everything we know about ourselves.

More than that, we fear judgement when we finally do open up, thanks to the criticism we’ve heard time and time again: “Stop being so sensitive.”

My psychiatrist diagnosed me with severe depression and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder within ten minutes. Although there was some relief in knowing this wasn’t something I’d have to deal with alone, it was also exhausting and draining to open up to a complete stranger — and shatter my facade of perfection, of “I’m fine.”

More weight crept onto my shoulders when she recommended that I set up a weekly appointment with a psychologist. That meant I’d have to go through the emotional process of “coming clean” and admitting my failures all over again — every week!

I wasn’t looking forward to it.

At First, Therapy Was Everything I Was Afraid It Would Be

The psychologist I found seemed perfect on paper. She described herself as empathetic, gentle, and compassionate.

But I should have known from our first meeting that we were a bad match.

Throughout my life as an HSP, I’ve become an expert at hiding my flaws for fear of criticism and judgment — even from myself. What I needed in therapy was somebody who would work hard to earn my trust and encourage me to share the parts of myself that I was so accustomed to hiding. Someone who would help me vocalize my fears, emotions, and deep-seated anxieties about never being good enough.

Instead, therapy appointments became yet another space for me to indulge my insecurity by criticizing myself. My psychologist told me I was “living my life wrong” and “needed to re-learn how to be human.” When I did vocalize some of my fears and feelings, she told me I was just “being silly” and I should “stop being so emotional.” She gave me mindfulness exercises to do at home, and gradually started postponing my appointments until I was seeing her once every two weeks, then once a month, then… not at all.

I felt completely invalidated. And if you’re a highly sensitive person, you know just how damaging that can be.

Ultimately, my therapy experience made me feel as though I’d been “faking it” the whole time. It was so easy for me to convince myself, once again, that I was entirely fine. I carried on with life, did my mindfulness exercises, and told myself I felt “whole” again.

If I had a “bad” day, where my emotions threatened to overwhelm me, I’d channel it into my work and try to ignore it. I was back to a life of pretending, of faking smiles and lying awake at night repeating the mantra that nothing was wrong with me.

Perhaps it was my fault for not explaining what I needed from her. But how was I supposed to know what method of therapy would work best for me?

Yes, There Is Such a Thing as HSP-Friendly Therapy

If you’re highly sensitive and you’ve had a bad therapy experience, you need to know:

This isn’t normal.

There are better options out there for you.

It’s only thanks to a different, brilliant psychiatrist that I was able to see that therapy is not supposed to be a quick solve, not sticking a band-aid of “mindfulness practice” on a problem that can be personality-deep. There are no quick solves when it comes to mental health.

(And to be clear, high sensitivity itself is not a problem — but for some HSPs, it comes hand-in-hand with anxiety or other conditions.)

She explained that, yes, my depression and coping mechanisms were “all in my head,” but that didn’t mean they weren’t real. “Your brain is still an organ,” she said, “and it acts like a muscle. We have to treat mental pain just like we would any other injury: sometimes with medication, but always with patience, care, and rehabilitation.”

In other words, therapy is supposed to be restorative, not destructive.

And when you find the right therapist, that’s exactly how it works.

How to Find a Therapist Who Understands Your Sensitivity

Although my first therapist left a bad taste in my mouth, I knew it was important not to abandon the process of mental healing. For an HSP, therapy is hard. Talking about your vulnerabilities is terrifying — even more so with a complete stranger (especially if you have a history of being judged as “too sensitive”).

Here are three steps you can take to find a therapist who is right for you — and to make the process of therapy itself easier:

1. Focus on the positive feelings therapy can offer.

Sure, opening up is tough. But it can also be incredibly freeing to know that you don’t have to bear the heavy weight of your fears and emotions alone. It helps to remind yourself of this — especially if you catch your inner voice talking negatively about the possibility of therapy.

2. Know what an HSP-friendly therapist looks like — and trust your HSP instincts.

We HSPs need somebody determined to earn our trust, patient enough to let us share at our own speed, and passionate about helping us navigate the labyrinth of a mental illness. We need somebody empathetic. Somebody who creates a safe space for us to express ourselves without letting us become too comfortable in our unhappiness.

As HSPs, we have a powerful ability to “feel out” people quickly. Use that ability when you first talk to a potential therapist (and trust it!).

3. Let your therapist know what’s working for you.

Therapists aren’t perfect, and chances are they’ll get a few things wrong from time to time. When something doesn’t feel quite right, we HSPs tend to blame ourselves. But it’s important to recognize this feeling and talk about it.

The easiest way to resolve this is to tell your therapist which of their techniques are helping you and which are harming you. A good therapist will be prepared to work with you to find the most comfortable way of approaching your mental illness and managing your stress.

(You can also find HSP-supportive therapists near you worldwide using this helpful index.)

The right therapist is out there. And if you, like me, feel disheartened by negative experiences, please keep searching. You deserve happiness and mental wellbeing. The journey will be hard, but you are worth it.

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6 Signs You’re Out of Alignment as an HSP — and How to Get Back on Track

Jolene Tan — Fri, 17 Oct 2025 11:00:52 +0000

What makes an HSP fall out of alignment in life — and how do you finally get back on track?

In a highly overstimulated world that doesn’t bat an eyelid to flashing billboards or crammed app interfaces, it takes intention for us highly sensitive people (HSPs) to carve out a personally sustainable lifestyle.

Is it challenging? You bet! But HSPs do it anyway, because that is what makes life meaningful and worthwhile to them. Whether it is design, music, creativity or a certain pace of life (to name a few), you probably already have inklings of what you need to experience calm, grounded joy and deep peace on a regular basis.

However, more often than not, you wander far from that happy place you envision. Environments and interactions drain you, leaving you unhappy, overstimulated, and simply, out of alignment with yourself. Read on for the six signs you’re out of alignment as an HSP, and how to get back back on track.

6 Signs You’re Out of Alignment as an HSP

1. You lose track of your surroundings.

In the periods of life when I was dealing with high stress, I used to hear, “What’s going on in your mind?” To my family members’ frustration, I was totally oblivious to my surroundings.

This could look like unwashed plates, stacks of papers on the floor, messy tables, and half-done jobs laying around. Pause for a moment to scan your surroundings. If our physical environments are a reflection of your internal states, a messy one is a hint you might be too overwhelmed with everything that’s going on. (And our environments are very important to us HSPs!)

2. You’re in 110 percent hustle mode.

We HSPs feel so much and so deeply — both little and big things can cause this. When it gets to be too much, however, you might just switch to the other side: Shutting off and going on autopilot.

You bulldoze through things, mark things off your checklist, and charge toward your goals like there’s no tomorrow. Numbing out the senses can seem like a great thing to do in the moment, but only you know how exhausted you are deep down. You crave deep rest — we HSPs need more sleep anyway! That nagging thought of regret floats in the back of your mind, “Why did I push myself so hard?” If this sounds like you, know that it’s okay to not go-go-go all the time (or even some of the time).

3. You long to feel invigorated again.

Beauty is the lifeline of HSPs, and proudly so. Tearing over a dance full of life and vigour (that’s Flamenco for me), or missing home because of a touching video you saw, these can be quite commonplace occurrences for HSPs.

To have these disappear from your life, even temporarily, can feel excruciating. Because appreciating beauty is such a big part of who you are, it almost feels like losing a part of beauty in yourself. You wonder where that’s gone, and you crave for it!

4. You get snappy toward your loved ones.

At their best, HSPs enjoy being present, soaking up all there is and enjoying moments with loved ones. Being highly attuned to how others are feeling at any point in time, it’s practically your superpower to be able to pick up signals and provide a safe space for others to just be.

However, when HSPs have not had their own tank filled up and their needs met, they can easily get snappy and agitated. You lose patience and find unkind words coming out from you. This is yet another sign you’re out of alignment with your sensitive soul.

5. Your (overbooked) schedule fills you with dread.

What a terrible feeling to open your calendar and hear yourself groan, “Huhhh… I don’t want to do that.” Even though we easily get exhausted from social interactions, we’re not allergic to social events or hanging out with people. It can be pretty enjoyable for us!

However, it is true that these can drain us of energy — and HSPs need periods to ourselves to recharge before we can head out again. If you’ve agreed to things you’re not actually interested in, or overpacked your schedule with too many hangouts — those are signs to do some rearranging! After all, your mental health is at stake.

6. You’re using music (or TV or other coping mechanisms) to escape.

Ah, this is a tricky one. Music (and TV and other distractions) can be very healing for many, but can also serve as a coping mechanism. If you haven’t had time to process things lately, you might feel like life has become too much for you lately.

Things like music serve as an escape and an easy way for HSPs to shut off. Only you can identify this, but once you realize that these outlets are no longer supporting you — but shutting you down — you know it. Something in you needs to be expressed instead of suppressed.

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How HSPs Can Get Back Into Alignment

If you find yourself identifying with many of the points above and have been feeling unhappy and not like yourself lately, you are most likely out of alignment as an HSP. Don’t worry, though, it happens to everyone — and these are great chances for us to learn more about the ideal conditions we need and to restore our balance. It’s just like how dandelions thrive in a broad range of conditions while Orchids require super specific conditions. It’s just nature’s design. Here are some ways you can get back in alignment with your true HSP self:

Communicate clearly and frequently. As a highly sensitive person, it can sometimes feel frustrating engaging with the world. You might even feel as if the systems of the world do not support or celebrate the lifestyle of a typical HSP. That’s not surprising, since non-HSPs form the majority of the population — about 70 percent — after all. They are not our enemies, though; most of society just does not understand sensitive people. To help the people around you help you, it is totally paramount to communicate what you need to be able to thrive — be it time off, shorter periods of interaction, or quieter environments. Express these and ask for them. Chances are, your loved ones will understand more than you think.

Stop, let go, and do nothing. After you’ve done the above and received space and understanding from people, it’s time to retreat! That’s where an HSP sanctuary can come in handy! The key is to make plans for yourself that will really help you relax. It could be an afternoon watching the sky, lounging on the couch, meeting a fellow HSP friend and enjoying companionship, or simply a good old nap. These simple things are deeply rejuvenating for HSPs and are also super easy to access. I suppose that’s the perk of being more sensitive to dopamine — we don’t need too much to feel stimulated!

Analyze and understand yourself. Experiences in our lives are like massive blocks of data — looking back at what happened and understanding it is a wonderful part of “HSP Data Mining” (so to speak). Consider what made you react in a certain way and why you felt so much pressure. Also consider external factors: Was it because of back-to-back meetings or social events? Or meeting too many new people this week? Or simply leaving the house too often? By learning from these experiences, you can make more supportive plans and decisions for yourself in the future.

Go back to your “expressive” place. Sensitive people can feel so much, yet at times, words aren’t enough to express the depth of all that is experienced. By making time to express yourself, it is also a way of slowing down and processing the emotions and experiences within. That might look like painting, singing, gardening, poetry, knitting… the list goes on! Whatever it is, block out creative time for yourself. Self-expression is not a luxury, but a true need for every human being, more so for HSPs!

Do the KonMari — get rid of things you don’t need! Yep, I’m leaving the best for the last: Decluttering! It’s one of the most effective ways to reduce your sensory overload instantly. There are many different ways to declutter your life:
- Cleaning and organizing your physical environment
- Decluttering physical items
- Resolving old relationship issues
- Sorting out digital files
- Releasing commitments that no longer align with you

When these are sorted out, you will find much more mental, physical, and emotional breathing space for yourself. And, dear HSP, take as much time as you need — we’re not anything if not resilient. We’ve got a whole lifetime to experience, love, create, and learn. There is time. But the more you’re in alignment with your true sensitive nature, the better you’ll feel — trust me.

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