Jenn Granneman, Author at Sensitive Refuge

21 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person

Jenn Granneman — Fri, 28 Mar 2025 11:00:00 +0000

Highly sensitive people make up about 30 percent of the population. Here’s how to know if you are one.

A highly sensitive person (HSP) experiences the world differently than others. Due to a biological difference that they’re born with, highly sensitive people are more aware of subtleties and process information deeply. This means they tend to be creative, and insightful but it also means they’re more prone than others to stress and overwhelm.

What is a Highly Sensitive Person?

A highly sensitive person is someone whose brain processes all information very deeply, including emotions, thoughts, and sensory input. This makes them more physically sensitive and emotionally sensitive than other people. High sensitivity is considered a normal, healthy personality trait, although one that — like all personality traits — comes with its own advantages and drawbacks. Researchers refer to this trait as Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), environmental sensitivity, and differential susceptibility.

HSPs are often negatively described as “too sensitive.” But being an HSP isn’t a bad thing. Like any personality trait, it comes with challenges, but also many strengths. For example, highly sensitive people tend to excel at creativity, empathy, and the ability to notice things that others miss or make connections that others do not see. In fact, according to Linda Silverman, the director of the Gifted Development Center, high sensitivity is linked to giftedness. The tradeoff for these gifts is that the sensitive mind can become overworked easily, which makes HSPs prone to becoming overstimulated or emotionally overloaded.

Based on these traits, you might recognize a friend, coworker, or even your partner or yourself as being a highly sensitive person.

Still, although high sensitivity is completely normal — meaning, it’s not a diagnosis or a disorder — it’s often misunderstood, because HSPs are in the minority. Recent research suggests that roughly 30 percent of people are highly sensitive — less than 1 in 3 — and some researchers put the number as low as 15 to 20 percent. Either way, highly sensitive people often feel like they are rare or “alone,” perhaps because our culture does not value sensitivity, and tells us to hide our sensitive side.

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The Science Behind Highly Sensitive People

Sensitivity is a personality trait that everyone has, but some people are more sensitive than others. According to Michael Pluess, a researcher who specializes in sensitivity at Queen Mary University of London, sensitivity is a continuum. This means that some people are “low sensitive,” some people are “high sensitive,” and the majority of people fall somewhere in the middle.

How sensitive you are is partly due to your genes, and partly depends on the way you are raised. Your genes determine your basic sensitivity level, which means that if you are a highly sensitive person, you were likely born that way. However, in twin studies, identical twins with exactly the same genes can end up with different levels of sensitivity as adults — largely because of their life experiences. Pluess says that sensitive people need a supportive environment to thrive, and get more benefit out of an emotionally healthy upbringing than other people do.

There are also profound differences in the highly sensitive brain. If you are a highly sensitive person, you likely have more activity in areas related to empathy, emotion, and reading social cues, as well as the part of the brain known as the “seat of consciousness,” especially when you’re in social situations. This suggests that HSPs are highly alert and very tuned into the people around them.

Finally, highly sensitive people tend to act differently than others and want different things out of life. Generally speaking, HSPs prefer a slow pace and like to take time to enjoy subtle experiences. For example, an HSP may get more joy out of the smell of their morning coffee and the view out their window than they do from a loud concert or a crowded event. This makes sense for someone who can get overstimulated easily: small pleasures and a slower schedule allow them to be at their best, bringing out their sensitive gifts without getting overloaded.

How Do You Know If You’re a Highly Sensitive Person?

Perhaps people routinely tell you that you’re “too sensitive” or you “think too much.” Perhaps you get easily overstimulated in loud, noisy situations. Perhaps you wonder why things bother you so much more than other people.

Those are just some of the signs you may be a highly sensitive person. There are many more. If you relate to most of these signs, there’s a good chance you’re an HSP.

21 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person

1. You absolutely abhor violence and cruelty of any kind.

Everyone hates violence and cruelty, but for highly sensitive people, seeing or hearing about it can be extremely unsettling. You might be an HSP if you can’t watch very scary, gory, or violent movies without getting upset or even feeling physically ill. Similarly, you may not be able to stomach a news story about animal cruelty or similar brutal acts.

2. You’re frequently emotionally exhausted from absorbing other people’s feelings.

Although highly sensitive people are not necessarily empaths, HSPs tend to “absorb” other people’s emotions, almost like an empath would. It’s not unusual for an HSP to walk into a room and immediately sense the moods of the people in it. That’s because highly sensitive people are very aware of subtleties — including facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice — that others may miss. Pair this with the sensitive person’s naturally high levels of empathy, and it’s no wonder HSPs feel emotions that are not their own. As a result, highly sensitive people tend to suffer from frequent emotional exhaustion.

3. Time pressure really rattles you — more so than other people.

In school, timed quizzes or speed tests made you extremely anxious — perhaps to the point of not being able to perform as well as you normally would. As an adult, when you have too many things on your to-do list and not enough time to finish them, you feel very stressed. HSPs are more sensitive to stimulation, and time pressure is no exception.

4. You withdraw often.

Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you need plenty of downtime, preferably alone. You often find yourself withdrawing to a quiet, darkened room at the end of a long day — in order to lower your stimulation level, soothe your senses, and recharge.

5. You’re jumpy.

When someone sneaks up on you, you jump like a frightened cat. Many HSPs have a high “startle reflex” because even in non-threatening situations, their nervous systems are dialed up.

6. You think deeply.

The cornerstone of being an HSP is you process information deeply. This means you do plenty of reflecting on your experiences — more so than other people. Unfortunately, this also means you’re more prone to negative overthinking. Sometimes you obsessively play events over and over in your mind or spiral into anxious thoughts.

7. You’re a seeker.

HSPs seek answers to the big questions in life. They ask why things are the way they are and what their role in all of it is. If you’re a highly sensitive person, you may have always wondered why other people aren’t as captivated by the mysteries of human nature and the universe as you are.

8. Sudden, loud noises startle you.

For example, a loud motorcycle suddenly roaring by your window may really shake you.

9. Your clothing matters.

You’ve always been sensitive to what you wear. Scratchy fabric or restrictive clothing — like pants with a tight waistband or pantyhose — really irritate you. Of course, non-HSPs might dislike these things too, but an HSP will carefully select their wardrobe to completely avoid them. And if an HSP inadvertently wears one of these things out, the discomfort may detract from their entire experience.

10. Your pain tolerance is less.

Many HSPs are more sensitive to pain of all kinds — headaches, body aches, injuries, etc. — than non-HSPs.

11. Your inner world is alive and present.

Again, due to your deep processing, you have a rich inner world. As a child, you may have had several imaginary friends, enjoyed fantasy-based play, and were prone to daydreaming. As an adult, you may have vividly realistic dreams.

12. Change is extremely upsetting.

HSPs take comfort in their routines, because the familiar is far less stimulating than something brand new. For this reason, change — both positive and negative — can really throw off HSPs. For example, when dating someone new or getting a job promotion, HSPs may feel as equally stressed as they do overjoyed. Generally, HSPs need more time than others to adjust to change.

13. Sometimes your environment is your enemy.

Similarly, moving to a new home or traveling (even if it’s just a “fun” vacation!) can be quite difficult for you, because your senses are bombarded with so much new stimuli.

14. You’re misunderstood.

High sensitivity is often mislabeled. You may have been called “shy” or “anxious,” and perhaps it was implied that something was wrong with you. Similarly, many HSPs are labeled as introverts, because introverts and HSPs share many characteristics, such as needing lots of downtime. However, 30 percent of HSPs are actually extroverts.

15. You get hangry easily.

HSPs tend to be sensitive to changes in blood sugar levels, so they may get quite “hangry” (hungry + angry) if they haven’t eaten in a while.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System?

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

16. Who needs stimulants…

…when your nervous system is already ratcheted up to the highest level? Some HSPs are sensitive to caffeine and need very little of it to feel its buzz. Similarly, some HSPs are also sensitive to alcohol’s effects.

17. Conflict is your poison.

When there’s tension or disagreement in your close relationships, you feel it deeply. Many HSPs even report feeling physically ill during conflict. As a result, some highly sensitive people become conflict-avoidant, doing or saying almost anything to keep the other person happy. It’s because conflict hurts so much.

18. Criticism is a dagger.

Words really matter to HSPs. Positive words can make them soar, but harsh words will send them crashing to the ground. Criticism can feel like a dagger, and negativity is toxic to the highly sensitive person’s finely-tuned system.

19. You’re conscientious.

At work and in school, you try hard not to make mistakes. Of course, this doesn’t mean you’re perfect — nobody is! — but you’re always giving things your best effort.

20. You’re deeply moved by beauty.

Fine meals, rich scents, beautiful artwork, or stirring melodies have a deep impact on you. You may find that music or certain sounds put you in a near trance-like state, or the way the wind catches the leaves in the autumn sunlight leaves you awestruck. You don’t understand how other people aren’t as moved by beauty as you are.

21. You’re perceptive.

Because you notice things that others miss, you’re seen as perceptive and insightful. Even as a child, you may have been wise beyond your years. The world relies on highly sensitive people like you to make it a more compassionate, understanding place to be.

Okay, I’m an HSP — What Should I Know?

If you identify with these signs, congratulations, you’re a highly sensitive person! You’re in good company. There’s an entire community of people like you out there, who understand how you feel and how difficult it can feel sometimes.

Being a highly sensitive person in a world not built for you can feel overwhelming, but there’s good news: as long as you’re aware of yourself, you can avoid pitfalls and add easy steps to your routine to make your life better.

Pitfalls

Sometimes, life can feel like a minefield for highly sensitive people. Being aware of potential pitfalls can help you mentally prepare to handle them when they pop up. Some potential pitfalls for HSPs include:

Hectic days: Having to run from one thing to another all day can be exhausting for the best of us, but it can lead you to feel overstimulated and overwhelmed.
Interpersonal conflict: You’re often more prone to stress when conflict arises between you and another person.
Expectations and Comparisons: You easily pick up on the expectations and needs of the people around you and can easily internalize them and beat yourself up for not meeting them.
Failure: No one likes to fail, but it may feel crippling for you. You’re are prone to self-doubt and obsessive rumination, beating yourself up for even small mistakes.

HSP Tricks for a Happier Life

The good news is: you can create space for yourself by being aware of your own needs, and by being prepared for potential pitfalls. Here are some easy tricks to help insulate yourself from overwhelm and pitfalls:

Avoid pitfalls: If you know a hectic day exhausts you, pad time into your schedule to rest between events. Space work and events out throughout the day and week so you don’t overwhelm yourself.
Avoid stress: Stay away from things that cause you undue stress, like horror movies, or that coworker that always saps your emotional energy.
Say no: Whether it’s to extra work, extra plans, or to your own expectations of yourself. Teach yourself to say no to things and be okay with it.
Create a soothing space: Make your home (or at least a room in it) a space that helps you feel calm and safe. Fill it with pillows, blankets, books, movies, or whatever helps you decompress.

Celebrate Your Sensitivity

Being sensitive is not a bad thing! The high points of life bring you even more joy and happiness than a normal person. Your awareness of and empathy for other people aren’t weaknesses. Be kind to yourself, make a plan to take care of yourself in stressful situations, and celebrate your sensitivity each day.

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12 Things People Do That Actually Mean ‘I’m a Highly Sensitive Person’

Jenn Granneman — Fri, 31 Jan 2025 08:00:00 +0000

Not every sensitive person knows they’re an HSP — but these 12 signs never lie.

Only 15 to 20 percent of the population can say they’re a highly sensitive person. That’s too many people for the trait to be considered a disorder. But it’s also too few people for it to be understood by the majority.

As a result, high sensitivity is often mistaken for something else entirely.

Sometimes it’s mislabeled as anxiety or depression. Or HSPs are dismissed as simply “too picky,” “too rigid,” or “too emotional.”

And those mistakes can be costly for highly sensitive people, who often benefit from learning about their trait — and the true root of their overstimulation and overwhelm.

Do you know what behaviors signal high sensitivity? Here are 12 things that people do that might actually mean “I’m an HSP.”

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Things that Mean ‘I’m a Highly Sensitive Person’

1. Retreating into a quiet, darkened room alone

After a very busy day, you might find an HSP curled up in bed alone. Or hidden away in some other private, darkened space. Although some might mistake this behavior for depression or laziness, for the sensitive person, that’s probably not the case at all.

Biologically, HSPs are more sensitive to all types of stimulation. “Little” things that might not bother others can profoundly impact the HSP — from a tense conversation with a coworker to an outsized to-do list.

When overwhelm threatens, HSPs must remove some layers of stimulation in order to regain calm. Retreating into a private space accomplishes just that.

2. Zoning out in very busy environments

It might seem rude if someone is zoning out in a social setting. Or you might label that person as “lost in their head” or “a daydreamer.”

But HSPs might zone out for completely different reasons. Again, it comes down to stimulation. Bright lights and loud or repetitive noises, combined with the presence of many people, can be enough to overstimulate an HSP — making their mind check out.

3. Skipping the party — even if they’re an extrovert

Socializing can be fun and meaningful. But it can also be highly stimulating.

When you’re an HSP, there are times when you simply can’t deal with the added stimulation of social interaction. And this isn’t just true of highly sensitive introverts. Extroverts can be HSPs, too.

It’s not antisocial. And it’s not meant to be rude. The HSP is simply protecting their mental health.

4. Turning down invitations to busy, crowded places

Very busy or crowded bars, restaurants, outdoor festivals, concerts, parties, and malls can feel like an assault on the HSP’s senses. Someone who turns down an invitation to one of these places might be an HSP.

It’s probably not you, it’s them. They may genuinely enjoy your company but can’t stand the intensity of these places.

5. Avoiding certain shows, genres, and topics

HSPs have high levels of empathy and process information deeply. This creates a double whammy for them, especially when it comes to things they read, watch, or hear. Seeing animal abuse in a movie — or simply talking about the topic — might be too much for the sensitive person.

When they change the topic or stop watching, don’t see it as them coldly turning away. On the contrary, they’re feeling it too deeply.

6. Asking the big questions

As children, HSPs are always asking questions — the big questions. Why is something the way it is? What’s the point of this or that? Wise beyond their years, they think deeply about their world and the meaning behind things.

As adults, this tendency doesn’t go away. HSPs ponder the meaning of life, death, and everything in between on a regular basis.

7. Avoiding prolonged contact with certain people

HSPs tend to be very selective about who they spend their time with. It’s not that they think they’re superior to other people. Rather, they easily pick up on the “vibes” or “energy” of others — whether it’s positive or negative, toxic or healthy, selfless or self-centered. And they not only pick up on those vibes, but they also tend to absorb the moods and emotional states of the people around them.

Being with the right person can make them soar. But being around the wrong people can leave them depressed, aching, and stressed. For HSPs, the moods of the people around them matter just as much — and sometimes more so — than their own.

8. Having strong emotional reactions and crying easily

Yes, HSPs tend to have strong emotional reactions — both positive and negative — and they may cry more easily than others.

And once they get worked up, it might be harder for them than others to calm down. Simply shrugging off criticism or a mean comment usually isn’t an option. Because of their depth of processing, “letting it go” takes time.

But don’t consider this to be overreacting. Nor is it “weak” or “hyper emotional.” It’s simply part of the whole package of being an HSP. They feel both the good and the bad deeply.

9. Becoming “flooded”

“Flooding” is the extremely uncomfortable feeling of being completely mentally and emotionally overwhelmed. If you’re having a hard time focusing, are suddenly feeling anxious or “overheated,” or your fight-or-flight response is kicking in, you’re probably experiencing flooding.

Although flooding can happen to anyone, HSPs are especially susceptible to it.

10. Overthinking

One of the negative side effects of processing things deeply is overthinking. It’s not uncommon for HSPs to get trapped in analysis paralysis or to be unable to shut their mind off after certain intense experiences.

11. Reading others well — and caring deeply

Insightful and perceptive, HSPs tend to read others like an open book. Sometimes they know how someone is feeling before that person even realizes it themselves! Because of this, they often know exactly when they’ve hurt or disappointed someone. So they may work hard to be considerate and conscientious of others — sometimes even when it comes at a cost to them.

12. Needing extra sleep and self-care

Processing stimulation deeply gets exhausting. That’s why HSPs tend to need extra sleep, downtime, and self-care. Again, it’s not laziness or selfishness. It’s simply what HSPs need to function at their best in the world.

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How to Love a Highly Sensitive Person

Jenn Granneman — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 12:00:42 +0000

If you’re in a relationship with one of the world’s deep feelers, thinkers, and processors, read this.

Compassionate. Intense. Thoughtful. These are just some of the adjectives that describe highly sensitive people (HSPs), the 15-20 percent of the population who live with life turned up more than everyone else.

Why? According to Dr. Elaine Aron, researcher and author of The Highly Sensitive Person, HSPs are born with a unique, finely tuned nervous system that processes stimulation deeply. From sights to sounds to other people’s emotions, HSPs see, feel, and experience it all on a somewhat more intense level than others.

And if you’re like me, all that deep processing means you sometimes feel “crazy,” weird, or broken. For example, “little” things that don’t bother other people — like the repetitive ticking of a clock or a loud, crowded restaurant — can acutely irritate, frazzle, or even overwhelm you.

In a similar manner, other people’s words have a bigger impact. Some days, without meaning to, your significant other’s offhand comment becomes an EF5 tornado that ruins your afternoon. On the flip side, HSPs feel positive experiences deeply, so praise or words of affection can be a hot air balloon that lifts you to the sun.

It’s true: Being an HSP sometimes feels like a blessing, but other times, a curse. Thankfully, there are ways to manage the overwhelm you may feel, and tap into your HSP strengths.

If you’re in a relationship with one of the world’s deep feelers, thinkers, and processors, here’s what you should know — and how to show your love.

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How to Love a Highly Sensitive Person

1. Speak words that lift us up, not drag us down.

As I’ve already mentioned, words really matter to HSPs. We process them deeply, just like everything else. It’s no wonder many HSPs have a natural gift with language; they’re among the world’s most celebrated musicians, poets, and writers.

Take, for example, Bob Dylan, John Lennon, Celine Dion, Barbra Streisand, Mozart, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Virginia Wolf, E.E. Cummings, Robert Frost, and many more. All are thought to be HSPs.

Nobody likes to be criticized, but it can be especially painful for HSPs. Even more so when they come from our partner, harsh words and negativity cut right to the heart and lodge there. Tone of voice matters. Connotation matters. Body posture matters.

Of course, I’m not suggesting you walk on eggshells around HSPs, nor am I saying you shouldn’t speak your mind. But please use loving words whenever possible, and avoid pointed teasing, anger as a weapon, and negativity.

Want to make us really feel loved? Speak the words that help us flourish: Praise us when we’ve done something great. Reminisce with us about a special time together. Describe how beautiful (handsome) we look today.

2. Check in on us.

HSPs may not always say when they’re hurting. Some of us have a tendency to bottle up our emotions, or turn the blame in on ourselves. It’s not something we’re proud of, and rest assured that we’re working on it. Other times, we just don’t want to spread the stress or drama around. After all, we know — from firsthand experience — that emotions can catch as easily as the common cold.

Plus, as HSPs tend to be highly conscientious, we’re acutely aware of inconveniencing or burdening others. So if we’re a little quieter or more distant than usual, don’t brush it off. Check in on us. Ask us how we’re doing. It will mean the world to us that you’ve noticed.

3. Indulge our senses.

No, we don’t posses supersonic hearing like Superman, but essentially, our five physical senses are “turned up.” That means we can get great enjoyment from physical pleasures. Each HSP will have their own tastes, so take the time to figure out what does it for yours. A fine meal, a love song from the soul, rich dark chocolate, anything of wonder or beauty or intellect — to us, these are meaning and love and all things good. Don’t get unnerved if there are tears.

4. Check your vibes.

Generally perceptive and observant, HSPs will notice little details about people. Sometimes we even feel what others feel, literally taking on other people’s moods or mental states as our own.

In other words, if you come home stressed, pacing and venting, slamming doors and sulking, we will soon feel stressed, too. If you are positive and resilient in the face of difficulty, we will feel braver ourselves. Almost everyone, HSP or not, experiences this on some level (remember how emotions catch?), but for HSPs, it can be even more intense. So be aware of your vibes.

5. Yes to hugs, kisses, and physical touch.

But do it gently and with consent! According to Dr. Aron, HSPs can feel physical sensations (including pain) deeper than others, so certain “typical” forms of affection or love-making may be too intense for us. (On the flip side, good touch may feel extra good).

And some HSPs just don’t feel comfortable being touched in certain places. For example, my partner often wants to rest his hand on my leg as he’s falling asleep, but for me, it’s too stimulating and distracting, barring me from sleep.

6. Respect our limits.

There will be things that don’t make sense to you. You may not understand why we burst into tears while watching an ad or why we need to leave the loud, crowded party RIGHT NOW. Or why sleep is so damn important to our mental health and wellbeing (personally, I can’t even function without a full night of it), or why “little” things sometimes become such a big deal.

Do your best to not take it personally, and please try to understand that our limits may be very different from yours. That doesn’t make them wrong.

7. Show us that you notice us.

An HSP will notice when your mood suddenly changes, or if you just didn’t sleep well last night. An HSP will see that leg pain you’re trying to hide, or when stress is piling up. We may say something about it, or perhaps just silently try to make your load a little easier today (with the kids, with chores, or whatever).

But too often, HSPs feel like others don’t return the favor. We’re often left wishing that others could see our needs and emotions as easily as we see theirs.

No, I’m not asking you to be a mind-reader; that’s impossible. Ultimately, it’s our responsibility to speak up for ourselves. It’s on each of us to advocate for our own needs, HSP or not.

Many HSPs will tell you they simply desire to be seen and heard. We know you may never be as attuned to “little” things as we are. That’s okay, because we love you as you are — that’s why we chose you.

We just ask that you try. A little goes a long way. Try to notice your HSP the way he or she notices you.

HSPs, what would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments below.

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Why Are Vacations So Exhausting for Highly Sensitive People?

Jenn Granneman — Wed, 18 Sep 2024 11:00:00 +0000

All too often, vacations turn into one big source of overwhelm for highly sensitive people. Here’s what an HSP expert says on making your trip relaxing instead.

Has this happened to you?

You spend months — or years — planning the perfect get-away. You’re finally taking a much-needed break from work or the kids. You’re going to explore that place you’ve always dreamed of visiting.

Bliss and relaxation will finally be yours.

But then the long-awaited vacation arrives, and you feel anything but relaxed. In fact, you feel downright exhausted, frazzled, and stressed. This isn’t the way it was supposed to be.

Let’s explore why travel can turn into one big source of drain and overwhelm for highly sensitive people (HSPs) — even though they’re drawn to it. I’ll also share some tips from an HSP travel expert to help you make vacations relaxing again.

Why Highly Sensitive People Are Drawn to Travel

Although travel can be overwhelming for HSPs, there are plenty of good reasons we’re drawn to it. Losing yourself in a faraway place is magical. And not only does travel capture our imagination, but it’s also rich with opportunities for meaning.

Highly sensitive people are “often drawn to the sense of meaning and inevitable transformation that comes from experiencing a new part of the world,” HSP travel expert Melissa Renzi told me. Renzi leads HSP-focused retreats to places like Thailand, Peru, and Guatemala.

And, because HSPs are deeply in tune with their senses, “travel can be enriching as we take in the details of our surroundings. And sometimes, when we step into unknown territory, we feel greater permission to be ourselves.”

If travel is supposed to be magical, why do HSPs often end up stressed?

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HSPs Process Everything Deeply — Especially in New Surroundings

For HSPs, the stress usually begins before they even leave the house. That’s because, according to Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, HSPs process all kinds of stimulation deeply. This causes them to think deeply about things and to look at issues from many different angles.

And this can lead to stress and anxiety when getting ready for a trip.

When planning a trip, there are so many things to consider — where to stay, what to do, what to pack, etc. HSPs process everything deeply, and the details of their trip are no exception.

Not only do HSPs think about all the fun they’ll have on their vacation but also about all the things that could go wrong. What if it rains? Will I be safe? Will my shoes be comfortable? And on and on.

Pre-travel anxiety can shut down our wildest vacation dreams before they even take flight. Or, at the very least, it can leave us worn out before we even reach our destination.

The Problem of Overstimulation for HSPs

If we manage to actually get out the door, HSPs then face overstimulation at their destination.

“Travel situations with an abundance of sensory stimulation can overload the HSP’s nervous system,” Renzi explained.

That’s right, travel can actually be quite unpleasant for HSPs.

Highly sensitive people pick up on subtleties in their environment — again, it has to do with their depth of processing. They notice little details that others might miss, from the way the sunlight looks on an early autumn morning to the anger emanating from a pair of strangers having a fight.

Noticing these subtleties enriches the HSP’s life, often making them highly creative. But when you notice every little thing, it can add up fast.

Highly sensitive people tend to find comfort in routine and familiar environments because familiarity is less stimulating. When you’re vacationing in a new place, all that familiarity goes out the window.

Highly sensitive people aren’t the only ones to experience tiredness and stress while traveling. This well-documented phenomenon has been dubbed “travel fatigue” or “vacation overwhelm” by others. But for HSPs, due to their depth of processing, it can be even worse.

Too Many Things to Do, Do, Do!

A final reason vacations can be exhausting for HSPs has to do with this familiar problem: We only have X days here, so we have to make them count!

When you book the trip of a lifetime — paying all that money, taking all that time off work, and spending all that time planning — you feel compelled to make the most of it. You dash from one tourist spot to the next, intent on not missing a thing.

And while all that busyness would tire anyone out, it’s especially wearisome to HSPs, who need plenty of downtime to recharge from the overstimulation they face. Often, they’re the ones coming home saying, “I need a vacation to recover from my vacation!”

How to Make Vacations Relaxing Again — the HSP Way

So what’s a highly sensitive person supposed to do?

Travel doesn’t have to be exhausting. Here are five tips from Renzi:

1. Avoid over-scheduling by making deliberate choices.

Think about the environments that feed you. Then think about the environments that drain you. Does a casual stroll through an art museum sound relaxing, whereas partying at Oktoberfest sounds like a nightmare? Make deliberate choices about your travel destination and the kinds of activities you’ll do once you get there. The choices you make on your trip should make you feel good.

2. Tell others about your high sensitivity.

When traveling with others, be upfront about your needs. HSPs often feel the need to hide their trait. But casually sharing in conversation that you’re an HSP does a few things:

It sets the stage for having your needs respected.
It offers a chance to dispel myths about high sensitivity.
It serves as a bridge to deeper conversation (something HSPs crave).
It helps us find other HSPs, which can lead to new compatible travel buddies and relationships.

Not sure how to talk about your trait? See our guide to explaining high sensitivity to those who don’t “get” it.

3. Narrow your list of “must-sees.”

Simply put, busy environments and crowds can overwhelm the sensitive person’s system, so give yourself permission to skip them. Try choosing just one or two tourist hotspots then calling it good.

4. Build buffer days into your vacation.

And make them non-negotiable. You might make the first day after arriving at your destination a buffer day. Or the day after the trip is over, where you’re doing nothing but recovering.

Your buffer day might mean relaxing in your hotel room and ordering room service. Or doing an activity on your own (being alone lowers your stimulation level). After the trip, it might mean unpacking, cleaning up, and getting some R&R.

Here’s the trick: The only way to get your buffer day is to firmly schedule it. It won’t just magically happen, so this is the time to be your own advocate.

5. Give yourself permission to change plans.

Even when you build downtime into your trip, it may not be enough. You may need to let go of some things and adjust your plan when necessary to take care of yourself. When we allow our trip to adapt to us instead of the other way around, we can find ourselves in a much more meaningful experience.

Want a vacation that’s actually HSP-friendly? Try this HSP retreat in Thailand

Want to take the stress and drain out of travel, and experience what it’s like to travel with other HSPs? Renzi still has upcoming retreats in some of the most stunning spots in the world — in a setting that honors your HSP needs for downtime and calm. The next retreat is being held amidst the stunning natural beauty of Thailand(!).

So what is it really like to travel with other HSPs?

“It was an acceptance I’ve never felt before in my life and I’ve been searching for since I was a kid,” said Marian M., who recently returned from one of Renzi’s retreats. “It was reinforcement that there are people out there who understand.”

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The Science Behind Why Highly Sensitive People Need Alone Time

Jenn Granneman — Fri, 30 Aug 2024 11:43:09 +0000

Do highly sensitive people need as much alone time — or more — as introverts? A growing body of brain research may tell us why.

As I waited in the ticket line, I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. The whole room buzzed around me as dozens of people laughed and talked. My friends excitedly poured over the tour brochure. I was on a weekend trip to Seattle, and we were about to embark on a “world famous” underground history walk.

In that moment, I loved my friends. I loved Seattle. But I was also so, so exhausted.

The trip had been full of stimulation — three days’ worth. Places to go, things to see, conversations to catch up on. I was making incredible memories, I was experiencing a city I’d always wanted to visit, but as a highly sensitive person (HSP), it was suddenly too much.

Pretty soon I was struggling to answer simple questions like, “What tour time should we book?” and “Should we eat before or after?” Thankfully, my closest friend came to my rescue. She knows me well and could see that I was completely overstimulated and overwhelmed.

“Why don’t we take a break and come back tonight,” she suggested. “We can each do our own thing for a while.”

Relief washed over my face. I was so overloaded that I hadn’t even realized that alone time was what I desperately needed. I loved my friend so much in that moment for protecting a need of mine that I couldn’t even articulate myself.

We did what she suggested, each going our own ways. As I walked around the city, then spent time in my hotel room — alone — I could physically feel my thoughts becoming clearer, my muscles becoming more energetic, and my mood lightening.

Later that night, we came back fully charged. The history walk that seemed so daunting only hours earlier was now one I could savor.

All Highly Sensitive People Need Alone Time

Many people aren’t familiar with high sensitivity. It’s actually fairly common: About 30 percent of people are biologically wired somewhat differently from everyone else. We feel things deeply, process information thoroughly, and can be quite sensitive to our environment — noticing details that others miss. And, for most of us, our sensitivity means we need to withdraw for lots of time to ourselves.

“Wait,” you might say, “Doesn’t that mean you’re an introvert?” Not necessarily. HSPs have some traits in common with introverts (and also empaths), but they’re not the same thing. You can learn more about the differences here, but basically:

HSPs can be introverts or extroverts.
Introversion and extroversion have to do with where you get your energy — quiet pursuits or external stimuli. High sensitivity has to do with how much information you take in about the world around you, no matter what you’re doing.
All HSPs, even extroverted ones, need downtime.

In fact, it’s possible that many people who self-identify as introverts but don’t perfectly “fit” that label may actually be highly sensitive extroverts. If you enjoy social time but need to do it in quiet, calm environments, you might be one of them.

Want to know if you’re an HSP? Check out my post, 21 Signs That You’re a Highly Sensitive Person.

Why HSPs Need Alone Time — the Science

On the trip, all my friends got tired, but I was the only one who got mentally and physically wiped out by the weekend’s events. So why do HSPs like me get overwhelmed more easily than others? And why is downtime so crucial for us? Turns out, it’s science.

Dr. Elaine Aron, author of the book The Highly Sensitive Person, explains on her website that:

“At the foundation of the trait of high sensitivity is the tendency to process information more deeply… HSPs simply process everything more, relating and comparing what they notice to their past experience with other similar things.”

And this is something we do whether we’re aware of it or not. Imagine you had to solve a math problem one way, then go back and solve it again a different way — and repeat that process thirty more times! That’s how the HSP brain thinks about everything. If that sounds exhausting, trust me, it is.

Recent research confirms that HSPs process information deeply. For one, research by Jadzia Jagiellowicz of the Highly Sensitive Society found that HSPs use more parts of the brain associated with “deeper” processing of information, especially on tasks that involve noticing details.

Another study conducted by Aron and others found that, compared to non-HSPs, highly sensitive people could more easily solve a perceptual task uncommon to their cultural background. In Aron’s study, the tasks were challenging and required more brain activation or effort depending on the culture the person was from. The non-HSPs struggled in exactly the way that the researchers expected, but the HSP subjects did not experience this same struggle.

Aron explains, “It was as if [the HSPs] found it natural to look beyond their cultural expectations to how things ‘really are.’”

Finally, research by Bianca Acevedo and her colleagues has shown more brain activation in HSPs in the insula. This tiny region of the brain plays a huge role in our concept of self-awareness, including awareness of our bodies and emotions, and how they interact to create our understanding of the present moment. Some scientists have even called it our “seat of consciousness.”

It makes sense that HSPs would have more activation in this area than others, because we’re more aware of what’s going on inside us and in the world around us.

The HSP Brain Works Overtime

All this to say, if you’re an HSP, your brain is always working overtime. No wonder you get drained easily and need plenty of downtime. Aron perfectly sums it up:

“We, however, absolutely must, simply by our nature, have downtime to recover from overstimulation and digest our experiences.”

How to Get the Downtime You Need

Unfortunately, not every HSP has a friend like mine who swoops in (wearing a metaphorical superhero cape) when they’re overstimulated. Most of the time, I’m not so lucky. What usually happens is I get more and more overwhelmed, becoming exceedingly tired and cranky, unable to make decisions about little things, and spiral downward into negative thoughts. If I don’t get the alone time I need, I crash — hard.

I’m learning to take better care of myself, and you can, too. Here are three things that help me get that crucial downtime:

1. Adopt a “minimalist” lifestyle when it comes to your calendar.

Minimalism is all the rage these days, and for good reason — it can help you simplify your life and consume less. But minimalism isn’t just about your closet — it’s about your calendar, too. I know that’s easier said than done, but for HSPs, it’s crucial to learn to say no and pick your battles. Here are some tips to help you say no effectively.

2. Know the signs of overwhelm, and catch it before it’s too late.

On my Seattle trip, I was so far gone that I didn’t recognize my own exhaustion. Sometimes that happens, and although it’s not great to experience, I’ve learned to not beat myself up about it. Most days, I do a better job of recognizing when I’m about to plunge headlong over the cliff of overwhelm. The key is to create downtime before I’m mumble-mouth exhausted and about to crash.

3. Be your own advocate.

Most days, you will have to take matters into your own hands and speak up when you need downtime. Although your spouse, friends, and coworkers may know you well — and know you’re an HSP — they probably won’t materialize a relaxing bubble bath when you need it most. I know it can be hard for us HSPs to disappoint others (we have so much empathy), and we hate being “that one person” who needs special consideration. Nevertheless, it’s crucial that we learn to speak up for our needs — because, dear HSP, although your natural inclination to put others first is noble, your needs matter, too.

HSP, you may need more downtime than others, but there’s a good reason for it — it’s all that deep work your brain does every day. And that’s okay. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about it.

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27 Things You Do Because You’re a Highly Sensitive Person

Jenn Granneman — Mon, 26 Aug 2024 13:00:00 +0000

Other people may not understand why highly sensitive people (HSPs) do these seemingly unusual things.

About 1 in 5 adults are HSPs, or “highly sensitive people,” so either you know one, or you are one yourself. But if you’ve never heard of the term, you’re not alone. Despite being coined by researcher Dr. Elaine Aron in the late 90s, high sensitivity is often mistaken for other things: anxiety, “pickiness,” or even a personality defect.

Yet being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is a perfectly normal, healthy trait. In fact, it’s likely an evolutionary advantage, given how HSPs easily notice details and patterns that others miss. It may have even helped keep the human race from going extinct. Hey, my fellow cave people, there’s a saber-toothed tiger hiding in those bushes! I saw the smallest twitch of his ears. Or, there’s something about these mystery berries that just doesn’t smell right.

Essentially, if you’re highly sensitive, you were born with a nervous system that processes all stimulation deeply, from sights to sounds to textures. The downside is HSPs can get easily overwhelmed. Imagine 100 alarm clocks going off at once, as opposed to everyone else’s one.

(Sound like you? Find out if you’re a highly sensitive person.)

As a result, highly sensitive people tend to organize their lives around protecting their sensitive systems, and they do some things that others may find, well, strange. Non-HSPs may not realize the real root of their actions — and perhaps the HSP doesn’t even realize it themselves.

So, here are 27 things HSPs do that may be related to their high sensitivity. Not everything on this list will resonate with every HSP (sensitivity looks different from person to person), but this article is a good starting point to understand and normalize HSPs.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

Things You Do Because You’re a Highly Sensitive Person

1. You shut down in loud, busy places.

HSPs may mentally shut down or zone out in crowded bars, at big parties, or even in a busy office setting. It may look like they’ve “checked out” or aren’t listening, but really, they’re simply overwhelmed with sensory input. Remember, their minds are processing every little thing deeply, from the words you just said to the expression on that couple’s face, five tables away.

2. You can’t watch or read about certain topics.

Certain topics may immediately trigger a stress response in HSPs, especially those involving suffering or cruelty. Those Netflix shows labeled “violent and gritty?” Hard pass. Personally, I can’t watch those TV commercials about animal abuse, even though I regularly donate money to animal relief groups. When HSPs changes the channel, it may look like they’re being cold and indifferent, but really, it’s quite the opposite: They are deeply moved, so much that it’s painful. Of course, no one enjoys suffering, but for HSPs, the effect is magnified.

3. You build a lot of little routines into your day.

Bedtime or morning, HSPs are known for their love of routine, because doing things in a similar way brings comfort and involves less stimulation than anything new. Change can be quite stressful for HSPs, both positive and negative changes.

4. You’re easily startled.

If your roommate sneaks up behind you or your alarm clock unexpectedly goes off, you may jump as sky-high as a frightened cat! Many HSPs have a high startle reflex, again due to their nervous system — it’s already “turned up,” so to speak, so even a small amount of added stimulation can activate their fight or flight response.

5. You get stressed and anxious when someone raises their voice at you.

If someone yells at you, or expresses disappointment in a stern voice, you may feel your whole world crumble — or you may lash out with an oversized response. Conflict can overstimulate HSPs, who aim to please. In school, if you were the student who felt bad when other students got scolded by the teacher — even though you weren’t involved! — you might be an HSP. A fight with a friend or spouse may leave an HSP feeling so physically unwell that they can’t sleep or eat.

6. You can predict the future.

You’re always holding back an “I told you so.” No, HSPs aren’t psychics, but they usually see it coming, on account of their pattern-recognition abilities and penchant for future thinking. This can be a valuable asset to those around them, helping their families and work teams avoid trouble.

7. Time pressure and deadlines really rattle you.

Deadlines are stressful for everyone, especially ones happening RIGHT NOW, but for HSPs, it’s worse. Time pressure, whether it’s getting out the door on time to catch a flight or handing in an assignment by its due date, is another form of stimulation that can really rattle HSPs.

8. When you fall in love, you fall hard.

It’s exhilarating, like your whole world feels like it’s changing. But any changes — even good ones! — are processed deeply by HSPs, and can border on overwhelming.

9. You absorb other people’s feelings as your own.

You may have a hard time distinguishing your emotions from those belonging to others. Due to their heightened empathy and ability to read others well, HSPs can be emotional sponges — and it’s exhausting.

10. When your significant other is stressed, you get stressed.

Similar to #9, when those around you feel sadness, anger, or tension, you soak it right up. They probably don’t realize that when you’re trying to cheer them up, you’re trying to make the bad feelings go away for yourself too.

11. A normal day at work can be utterly exhausting.

So much noise, so many demands. Sometimes, when you come home, you head straight to your bedroom, where you turn the lights low and relax in silence; it’s what’s needed to calm your overactive senses.

12. You have a very strong sense of smell.

Good smells can invigorate HSPs, while bad smells may make them “smangry,” again due to their deep processing of all sensory information. When someone wearing strong perfume walks into the room, HSPs may have to move away because the smell overpowers their already ramped-up senses.

13. You love certain foods and have a strong aversion to others.

Maybe raspberries are too tart, seafood is nauseating, and dark chocolate is divine. Other people may judge your food preferences: “Stop being so picky!”

14. You’re very sensitive to dips and spikes in blood sugar.

When HSPs get hungry, they get really hungry, and along comes everyone’s “favorite” hangry symptoms: irritability and a lack of focus.

15. Certain substances hit you harder.

Caffeine, alcohol, and even prescription drugs can have a strong effect on HSPs. This can be a good thing, because only one cup of Earl Grey will do the trick, but it may also mean you’ve woken up to some, err, head-pounding hangovers.

16. When people are physically uncomfortable, you know exactly why.

Because HSPs are so in tune with their environment, they know when the lights are too bright, the layout is claustrophobic, and the chair backs are too hard. No, they’re not being “picky” — they really can’t help but notice!

17. You’re deeply moved by art and beauty.

If you’ve ever felt a deep sense of awe — or pain — at art, music, or literature, you may be an HSP. Personally, music can make me soar, and leaves blowing in the wind on a crisp fall day catching the sunlight can make me feel like I’ve stepped into another world. On the downside, one of my most alienating memories as a child was wondering why my peers weren’t moved to tears and unshakeable questions about the universe after watching a movie about outer space.

18. You have a strong inner world.

That likely includes a rich imagination, natural creativity, and vivid dreams.

19. You have a low pain tolerance.

Similar to #15, a headache can really hurt; a muscle cramp can feel like a vice. HSPs are strong, and they hate to complain, but if only others knew what they were going through.

20. You often turn down social invitations, even if you’re an extrovert.

Dr. Aron estimates that about 70% of HSPs are introverts, so it makes sense that they’d love their alone time. But even extroverted HSPs often decline social invitations, not because they don’t love their friends (they do, madly!), but because socializing can be loads of stimulation.

21. Malls, stores, and other public spaces can be sensory overload.

Similar to #1, busy public spaces can simply be too much. You might be an HSP if you know exactly when the grocery store is busy and avoid going at that time.

22. You’re always trying to get the volume just right…

…whether it’s your music, the TV, or the podcast in your headphones. One click up or down makes a big difference to your sensitive ears. You often find yourself trying to sneak the remote control away from your spouse!

23. You’re extremely observant of other people.

Research has found that HSPs have genes that make them see other people as the brightest “things” on their radar. That makes them natural counselors, healers, and human lie detectors. It’s not an exaggeration to say that HSPs often understand other people better than those people understand themselves.

24. You need more sleep than others.

For HSPs, sleep is not just self-care; it’s also a way to soothe their overwrought senses and process their strong emotions. If you’re the one in your family who is militant about bedtimes, you might be an HSP. Because when you don’t get enough sleep? Everything. Is. Awful.

25. You’re easily “flooded.”

“Flooding” is the extremely uncomfortable feeling of being overwhelmed mentally and emotionally, and it happens to HSPs a lot. Here’s how to recognize and calm flooding.

26. Sometimes you have trouble saying no.

Strong empathy and an innate desire to help mean you don’t want to disappoint anyone. No wonder HSPs suffer from burnout, exhaustion, and overwhelm at higher levels than others.

27. You seek meaning in all that you do.

For HSPs, life isn’t about their paycheck, their “toys,” or their social media likes. Sure, they want to live the good life, too, and we all need a certain measure of money, friends, and security to do just that. But for HSPs, they can have all those things and still feel desperately unhappy if meaning is lacking. They will leave a well-paying job (or a “good on paper” relationship) if it doesn’t fulfill their inner needs. Deep processing means deep thinking, so HSPs seek the eternal truths that underpin it all: love, connection, justice, making a difference, and peace.

HSPs, which of my points resonate with you the most? What would you add to this list?

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14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy

Jenn Granneman — Fri, 23 Aug 2024 11:56:37 +0000

Due to a biological difference, HSPs process information deeply, so they need different things in life to be happy.

Growing up, I was a very sensitive child. One of my earliest memories is of freaking out after seeing a particularly bad story on the news. I don’t remember what the story was about, but I do remember running to my bedroom, plugging my ears, and making up a song about how “everything will be all right.” I sang it as loudly as I could — to cover the noise of the TV — until my mom came in, shocked to find me in such a ramped-up state.

It wasn’t until much later in my life that I learned I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP), and things finally made sense. HSPs process information deeply, and as a result, they experience the world a little differently than non-HSPs. Images of violence or stories of heartbreak can be excruciating for them to witness. Sudden loud noises, bright lights, and busy schedules have the power to rattle them profoundly.

(Read more about what a highly sensitive person is.)

Today, I’m an author who studies introversion and high sensitivity. I’ve found that HSPs need somewhat different things in life than non-HSPs to be happy; here are 14 of those things. Keep in mind that every highly sensitive person is an individual, so these points may not full apply to each HSP.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

What Highly Sensitive People Need to Be Happy

1. A slower, simpler pace of life

Because they process information deeply, HSPs may move a little slower than non-HSPs. They may need more time to do certain tasks, like getting out of the house in the morning. They may take a little longer to make decisions, such as which item to buy at the grocery store, because they are taking in not just the mountain of choices, but also nutrition information, price, and how they feel about chicken noodle. Suddenly, their mind flashes to chickens being cooped up in tiny cages then slaughtered… and they must take a few beats to ponder if they can live with this reality on their dinner plate or not. All of this takes time.

2. Time to wind down after a busy day

Like introverts, HSPs can’t go-go-go for too long. Their extra sensitive nervous systems absorb mounds of information and process it to the umpteenth degree. As a result, they may get easily overwhelmed and worn out after a busy day. Time to relax lowers their stimulation level and restores their sanity.

3. A calm, quiet space to retreat to

Preferably #2 is paired with #3. This space, ideally, would have low lighting, little noise, a warm feeling, a beautiful look, and the HSP’s favorite tools to relax (a book, music, a comfy pillow, etc.).

4. Permission to get emotional and have a good cry

Not only are HSPs extra sensitive to environmental stimulation, they’re also sensitive emotionally. According to Dr. Elaine Aaron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, sensitive people tend to cry more than non-HSPs. “Sensitive people can’t help but express what they’re feeling,” she told the Huffington Post. “They show their anger, they show their happiness. Appreciating that is really important.”

5. Time to adjust to change

Transitions can be tough for anybody, but for HSPs, they can quickly snowball into a bundle of stress and overwhelm. Even positive changes, like starting a new relationship or moving into a dream home, can be overstimulating and require an extra long period of adjustment.

6. Close, meaningful relationships

HSPs crave deep connections with others. In fact, according to Aron, they may get bored or restless in relationships that lack meaningful interaction. However, this doesn’t mean that they’re prone to relationship hopping. Rather, they may actually work harder to strike up a meaningful conversation with their partner and create intimacy.

This also means HSPs tend to be selective about the people they let into their lives. A simple surface-level, give-and-take relationship will simply not cut it for an HSP. They want to dive deep into your soul and connect with you in a profound way. Let them.

7. A gentle, healthy way of managing conflict

HSP or not, fighting with a loved one is the worst, but sensitive people tend to feel extra anxious when conflict arises. Often an internal battle takes place. The HSP may have strong feelings about something, but they keep them to themselves, because they don’t want to make the other person mad. Dealing with an angry person can be overstimulating.

Plus, we hate hurting other people because we know from personal experience just how much that sucks. HSPs tend to have high levels of empathy, and this is just one of the ways our caring for others shows up.

Unfortunately, this means sensitive people often hide their needs and just “go along to get along.” They need a healthy way of dealing with disagreements that doesn’t involve yelling or drama.

8. A good night’s sleep

A lack of sleep is enough to make anyone cranky, sloppy, and oh-so-unproductive. But a lack of sleep for an HSP can make life almost unbearable. Getting enough sleep helps soothe the HSP’s ramped-up senses and allows them to process their emotions. How much sleep a sensitive person gets can literally make or break their day.

9. Healthy meals, spaced regularly throughout the day

According to Aron, hunger can really mess with a sensitive person’s mood or concentration. HSPs are the ultimate hangry monsters.

10. Caffeine-free and nonalcoholic options

Surprise, surprise… some HSPs (not all!) are more sensitive to the effects of caffeine and alcohol.

11. An outlet for their creative side

Many HSPs have a strong need to create. They channel their poignant observations, insights, and emotions into art, poetry, music, and more. Deborah Ward, author of Overcoming Low Self-Esteem with Mindfulness, writes, “Sensitivity can be overwhelming, but it is also like having extra RAM on my personal hard drive…Creativity is the pressure valve for all that accumulated emotional and sensory data.”

12. A strong sense of purpose

Some people seem to drift through life without direction or purpose. For HSPs, this is unthinkable. Rather, they think deeply about the big things in life. Who are they, why are they here, and what were they put on this planet to do? Whether it’s writing a novel, traveling the world, or leading the way for a cause they believe in, HSPs crave meaning.

13. Loved ones who understand and respect their sensitive nature

Because most people are not highly sensitive, they simply don’t understand what it’s like to get very stressed out by, say, a startling noise, a busy weekend, or a violent scene in a movie. Not everyone will understand, and that’s okay. But what an HSP needs is at least a few people — preferably the people closest to them — to “get” their sensitivity. Someone who not only gets it, but helps protect them from overstimulation (“Yes, it’s perfectly okay that we leave the party now. I can see all over your face that you’re overstimulated.”). And, someone who sees all the wonderful gifts that come with this rare trait.

14. Natural surroundings and beauty

HSP or not, our environment affects us. For example, people tend to feel happier in rooms with curved edges and rounded contours than in sharp-edged rectangular rooms. Also, green spaces boost our mood and soothe mental illness. For HSPs, this effect is even more profound. For them, the way things look really matters. Cluttered, chaotic, or just plain ugly environments may really unsettle them. Beauty is a soul-balm that rejuvenates and soothes.

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Science Confirms That Emotions Hit Highly Sensitive People Harder

Jenn Granneman — Mon, 25 Mar 2024 11:00:53 +0000

Life is emotional, there’s no denying that. No matter our upbringing, gender, or personality, we all feel emotions, some stronger than others. As Earl Riney once said, “Our emotions are the driving powers of our lives.”

But maybe you’ve long suspected you feel emotions deeper than other people. Your sadness is a monster that squats on your stomach and chest. Your joy is a bunch of balloons that float you to the sky. You cry easily, get stressed easily, and other people have told you to “just get over it” or “toughen up” — but you can’t.

If your feelings seem bigger, deeper, and more intense than those of other people, it’s because they are. But don’t take my word on it; it’s science. Let me explain.

Are You a Highly Sensitive Person?

Before we jump in, I want to be clear about something: When I talk about intense emotions, I’m not talking about a mental health condition — for example, clinical depression, which can feel like ongoing intense despair, or Borderline Personality Disorder, which can feel like an emotional rollercoaster that won’t stop. If you’re experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please get help immediately here.

I’m talking about the capacity to feel deeply in everyday life, both the good and the bad. I’m talking about highly sensitive people.

The term highly sensitive people (HSPs) refers to the 15-20 percent of the population who process stimulation deeply — everything from visual cues to smells to their own thoughts. Sometimes referred to as sensory-processing sensitivity, this trait is completely normal and healthy, and actually comes with a lot of advantages. Although research shows that being highly sensitive is not simply the same as “being emotional,” there is an emotional dimension to the trait.

Not sure if you’re an HSP? Check out my post, 21 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person.

HSPs Feel More Negative Emotions

Three recent studies show just how big emotions can be for highly sensitive people. The first, published in 2015 in the Australian Journal of Psychology, involved over 150 participants between the ages of 18 and 60. Participants filled out surveys about their levels of stress, anxiety, and other negative emotions, among other things. The researchers also determined if the participants were HSPs or not, using the Highly Sensitive Person Scale developed by Dr. Elaine Aron.

The results? The HSPs were more aware of their negative feelings and experienced more of them — depression, anxiety, stress — than other people.

Wow, you might say, how depressing.

But before you throw up your hands and decide you’re doomed to be a miserable person, that’s not the whole story — read on.

HSPs Feel Positive Emotions More Intensely

Turns out, along with feeling negative emotions more intensely, HSPs also feel positive ones more intensely, too.

In the second study, published in 2016 in Social Behavior and Personality, researchers showed emotionally-arousing images to nearly 100 participants, half of which were HSPs, the other half which tested low on Dr. Aron’s sensitivity scale.

Compared to the other participants, HSPs rated the images — especially the positive ones — as significantly more intense emotionally. They also responded faster to the positive images.

So, while the lows may be lower, the highs may be higher.

The HSP Brain Is Wired for Emotion

Finally, a third study compared a group of women, some who were highly sensitive and some who were not, again using emotionally-arousing images and brain imaging. Compared to the other participants, HSPs simply showed more activation in areas of the brain associated with emotion, emotional memories, and emotion processing.

Yeah, our feelings are big… so what the heck do we do about it?

For HSPs, Emotional Regulation Is Key

Let’s go back to the first study that found HSPs feel more negative emotions. Why is this? More research still needs to be done, but the scientists believe the reason has to do with emotional regulation. Another significant finding of that study: HSPs do less of it than other people.

Why is emotional regulation such a big deal? Well, if our emotions are the physiological, behavioral, and experiential responses to our evaluation of a situation, then emotional regulation is what we do about it.

For example, if you’re frustrated, do you take a step back? If you’re stressed, do you go walk in the sunshine? If you’re angry, can you find a reason to laugh instead? These are examples of healthy emotional regulation.

Why do HSPs struggle with healthy emotional regulation? Perhaps we’ve had so many bad experiences that the typical strategies just don’t work for us (this loud, crazy world isn’t made for HSPs). Maybe due to our depth of processing, our negative emotions simply stick around longer (we keep turning them over and over in our minds). Or maybe some of us didn’t learn healthy coping strategies when we were young (most parents don’t know how best to nurture an HSP child).

No matter the reason, if you’re struggling in this area, it’s not your fault, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed — but there are some things you can do from here on out that will help.

How to Improve Your Emotional Regulation

Getting better at emotional regulation could be a whole other article in and of itself — nay, a series of articles followed by a lifelong course — but here are some tips to help you get started.

Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, recommends these five simple steps:

Accept your feelings.
Do not be ashamed of them.
Believe you can cope as well as others do.
Trust that your bad feelings will not last long.
Assume there’s hope — you can do something about your bad feelings eventually.

Another strategy is to imagine that you have two brains — an “emotional” brain and a “cognitive” brain. The cognitive brain, according to Julie Bjelland, a therapist who serves HSPs, is the rational, fact-based part of us that helps control our emotions. When our emotional brain becomes too activated, our cognitive brain essentially “goes to sleep.” So the key is to bring your cognitive brain back online.

How can you do that? Essentially through language. You have to use your cognitive brain to find words you want to write or say. So when you’re feeling big emotions, try talking to someone supportive or journaling.

Bjelland also recommends actively checking in with your emotions throughout the day. You could do this every time you go to the bathroom (or any other repetitive activity). Ask yourself these two questions in a compassionate, loving way:

How am I doing?
What do I need?

“You will be amazed at how much better you can feel when you keep checking in on yourself and keeping that cognitive brain awake, supporting your emotional brain,” Bjelland told me via email.

The bottom line is you can learn emotional regulation. Although big feelings will always be there for HSPs, they don’t have to master us.

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Why Do Highly Sensitive People Hate Being Rushed?

Jenn Granneman — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 12:00:00 +0000

Due to their wiring, highly sensitive people observe more, think more, and move slower — which is a good thing.

“Hurry up,” my 4th grade teacher scolded me. All the other kids had left for recess, while I stood alone in the hallway, still putting on my coat.

“You’re very thorough,” my boss told me at my first job where I cleaned a furniture showroom. “But I’d like you to speed up.”

Hurry up. It’s a phrase I’ve heard all my life. For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me because I do things in a slower, more deliberate way, compared to most people — and I prefer a calm life over a busy one. Then I learned I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP), the 20% of the population whose brains process information deeply, and my “slow and steady” style finally made sense.

Even better, in a chaotic and often too-busy world, I started to see my thoroughness as a strength.

No one likes feeling too busy or rushed, whether you’re highly sensitive or not — but for HSPs, that stress can be intense. Like, really intense. Here’s why.

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What Is a Highly Sensitive Person (and Are You One)?

Would you rather spend a relaxing weekend at home… instead of hopping from event to event with little downtime in between? When your to-do list runs off the page, does it feel like a whole football team is standing on your chest? If someone tells you to hurry up!, does it, in fact, have the opposite effect — making you feel so frazzled that you mess up and slow down?

If so, you might be a highly sensitive person.

“Highly sensitive people,” a term coined by researcher Elaine Aron in the late 90s, have more sensitive central nervous systems than the rest of the population, making them more attuned to physical, social, and emotional stimuli. In other words, what others see as subtle sensations, HSPs experience intensely. This could be anything from a bright overhead light, a busy office with lots of noise, or even work deadlines or a loved one snapping that you’re late.

Wondering if this is you? Here are 21 signs that you’re highly sensitive.

How Deep Processing Affects HSPs (and Slows Us Down)

According to researchers at Ghent University, HSPs “process stimuli cognitively deeper,” than non-HSPs, as well as notice and respond to more cues in their environments. “This may result in taking more time to observe and react slower,” as well as making them “less prone to act when confronted with a new situation and have more aversion towards risk-taking,” they write.

Aron, author of the bestselling book The Highly Sensitive Person, sums this up as “depth of processing,” which can affect HSPs in many ways, from causing us to not notice time passing, to overthinking things, to being overstimulated when there’s a lot going on — either in our environment or on our calendar.

For example, Aron explains why it’s not unusual for HSPs to run late, even though we’re generally very conscientious and thoughtful of others. The sensitive person’s depth of processing might cause him or her “to be thinking, maybe planning or imagining, and not noticing the time passing” — in other words, we get lost in a rich state of concentration.

Our depth of processing may also make it harder for us to get out the door and get to appointments or scheduled events on time.

For example, let’s say you’re an HSP who’s leaving the house for a vacation. As you pack, your depth of processing kicks in. You start thinking about all the possible scenarios that might happen on your trip (and all the little things that could go wrong). Wait, I need my umbrella because it might rain. Hold on, these shoes won’t be comfortable for walking — I need to change them. And so on.

Unfortunately, people often dismiss this behavior as HSPs being “too picky” and “getting hung up on little things” — but they should remember that what is minor to others can be major to us! For example, clothing with a tight waistband or uncomfortable shoes can make all the difference for an HSP between a fun day and a torturous one. No wonder HSPs put a lot of energy into trying to predict or avoid what others would call “minor” inconveniences.

The downside: All that preparation takes time.

The HSP’s Strength in a Too-Rushed World

We all know people who speed through things, make mistakes, and cause big problems. Those people are probably not HSPs.

There are upsides to our deliberate ways. For one, when traveling with a group, HSPs are usually the ones who have exactly what’s needed, from Advil to pre-printed bus passes.

HSPs are also the ones who are most likely to be praised by their bosses, teachers, and clients for turning in exceptional work. Think: the four years it took Leonardo to finish his masterpiece, the Mona Lisa.

And the decisions we arrive at — slowly — might be better and more trustworthy. According to Daniel Kahneman, author of Thinking, Fast and Slow, thinking slowly can take us off “mental autopilot,” which allows us to better tap our intuition and not jump to hasty conclusions.

How HSPs Can Cope With Time Pressure

Of course, sometimes the world demands we move quickly, plus, always doing everything to the most thorough degree leads to burnout. So, here are some tips to help you:

1. Leave extra time (more than you think you’ll need).

When you have to get to somewhere, leave extra time. More time than you think you’ll need. Ridiculous amounts of extra time! That way, when your depth of processing kicks in and you start thinking about grabbing extra tissues or changing your clothes, you’ll have the time you need.

2. Write lists of what you need ahead of time.

I have a master packing list that includes everything I need when I travel, saved on my laptop so I don’t have to recreate it every time. You can do this for other things, too, such as a list for what you need when you leave the house in the morning for work — and it’s especially helpful if you’re responsible for getting young children out the door.

3. Remove any extra stimulation (that means you, spouse and kids!).

If possible, make your preparations — like packing your suitcase or purse, or fixing your hair in the bathroom — without other people around. Close the door. Ask your spouse to watch the kids (or not talk to you while you’re getting ready). Doing things quietly and alone removes excess stimulation.

4. Give yourself permission to say no.

This is the best defense against a too-busy calendar. When you say no, you’re saying yes to more energy for the things that really matter.

5. Like a parent to a child, give yourself gentle time warnings.

If you run late because you struggle to pull yourself out of your current task, keep an eye on the clock and give yourself time warnings (like you’d do for a child who needs to quit playing soon and pick up his or her toys). “Twenty minutes until I need to get ready to leave… 10 minutes…” and so on. You may even want to set a timer.

In a lot of ways, the busy modern world works against the HSP’s thoughtful, deliberate way of doing things. While this can create problems for the sensitive person, it’s also a powerful strength. Who would you rather have doing your taxes, watching your children, or planning the company’s next big move? The thorough HSP, of course!

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13 Problems Only Highly Sensitive People Will Understand

Jenn Granneman — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 14:00:00 +0000

When you’re an HSP, sometimes “little things” are too much.

We all get overwhelmed sometimes, because, as 17-year-old Augustus Waters points out in The Fault in Our Stars, “The world is not a wish-granting factory.”

But if you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), life can feel like it’s spinning out of control — fast. Seemingly “little” things that don’t bother other people sometimes completely overtake you. What may be a minor irritation to some might make your palms sweat, upset your stomach, or quickly zap your energy.

Why? Because HSPs process all forms of stimulation deeply due to a biological difference in their nervous systems; this includes what they see, touch, taste, think, and experience. As a result of that deep processing, they get mentally overloaded quicker than non-HSPs.

Although it comes with challenges, being an HSP isn’t a malfunction or disorder. In fact, it’s perfectly normal and healthy — and in some cases, advantageous. According to Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, about 15-20 percent of the population are highly sensitive. Meaning, there are too many of us for high sensitivity to be considered “wrong”!

Are you a highly sensitive person? If so, you will relate on some level to these 13 problems.

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Highly Sensitive Person Problems

1. Loud noises (even the ones that other people love)

Concerts, movie theaters, and even the music in your own headphones can be loud. While no one likes having their ear drums blasted, for highly sensitive people, loud noises can feel like a full-on assault on their senses. The problem is made worse when you have no way to control the volume — and when other people don’t seem bothered by it at all, you feel like the “difficult” one.

2. Little sleep = hell

HSP or not, life can be tiring, and we all feel worn out from time to time. However, due to their depth of processing, HSPs may need more sleep than others. When they don’t get that sleep, they miss an important opportunity to rest and reset their ramped-up senses. For the HSP, running on little shut-eye can feel like the very definition of hell — every minor irritation and inconvenience is ratcheted up exponentially.

3. Having a strong, unexplainable reaction to both violence and beauty

No one loves violence and cruelty, but HSPs absolutely abhor it. Watching a scary or gory movie may make them feel physically sick. Similarly, they may not be able to watch or read shows or books about certain triggering topics (like animal cruelty or other similar brutal acts).

But the opposite is true as well. HSPs often have very strong positive reactions to art. It may move them to tears and leave them thinking about the work for days. If you’re an HSP, you may wonder why other people don’t react to art and beauty like you do. You may want to talk about your reactions, but you don’t, because you know others won’t see it the same way you do — and this feels isolating.

4. Emotional exhaustion — which often comes from other people

Is your spouse stressed? Suddenly you feel stressed, too. Is your best friend sad? You feel sad, too — even though your day was going fine. Many highly sensitive people absorb the emotions of others. Rather than just sensing what someone is feeling, they actually feel it themselves. And what’s more emotionally exhausting than carrying your own feelings, plus those of others?

5. Overanalyzing every little word and gesture

Highly sensitive people notice little things that others miss. A lot of little things, especially when it comes to other people. They notice when someone’s tone of voice doesn’t match their words. They notice when someone won’t meet their eyes when answering a question. And they may find themselves agonizing over the interaction afterward, especially if they suspect the other person wasn’t being completely honest, or worse, is upset with them.

6. Not socializing the way most people do

For many people, going to a bar, party, or hanging out with a large group of people is just what you do for fun. But for HSPs, spending a prolonged period of time in a noisy, crowded environment can simply be too much. Especially in your younger years, this can severely limit your options for socializing — and make you feel like the odd one out.

7. You can’t easily brush things off

Someone makes a disturbing or crude joke, and everyone laughs but you. Even though it’s “just a joke,” you may have a hard time brushing it off. For HSPs, injustice and cruelty are no laughing matters.

8. Vacations can be anything but relaxing

Vacations are supposed to be relaxing, right? For many people, they are, but for HSPs, sometimes “little” things — like sleeping in a different bed and navigating a new environment — make them wish they were home.

9. Getting really hangry

We all get “hangry” from time to time (hungry + angry), but for HSPs, this feeling of irritability can be even more extreme. According to Dr. Aron, HSPs tend to be more sensitive than non-HSPs to dips and spikes in blood sugar levels.

10. When someone raises their voice at you

For highly sensitive people, words really matter. Tone of voice matters. And for them, there’s little worse than knowing someone is mad at them. If you’re an HSP, someone raising their voice at you — especially someone close to you — can feel like a punch to the gut. Similarly, as a child, you may have cried the moment a parent or teacher scolded you. (Or in the classroom, you felt guilty when the teacher scolded other students, even though you had nothing to do with the problem!)

11. Time pressure causes serious distress

Nobody likes rushing around; it makes us sloppy and creates stress. But for highly sensitive people, time pressure can cause serious anxiety. Having to do something quickly, like checking off a thousand things on a to-do list, or simply running late to an appointment, can leave HSPs quite flustered. According to Dr. Aron, all types of stimulation, including time pressure, affect HSPs more.

12. Saying yes when you want to say no

Highly empathetic and aware of the feelings of others, HSPs don’t want to let anyone down. Although this is admirable, sensitive people may fall into the trap of people-pleasing, compromising too quickly, or saying yes to a request even when it comes at a great cost to them.

13. Even positive changes have their downside

Change can be hard for anyone, but it can be especially challenging for HSPs who find great comfort in routine (routine is far less stimulating than something new). So even good changes, like a job promotion or new relationship, can cause them stress. This may confuse their friends and family, who don’t understand why they aren’t riding the “high” of their newfound luck or success. But for HSPs, those feelings of excitement can be overstimulating in and of themselves! Highly sensitive people usually need extra time to adjust to changes — even positive ones.

HSP, what would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments below.

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Are Highly Sensitive People More Intelligent?

Jenn Granneman — Fri, 08 Dec 2023 13:40:00 +0000

The higher your IQ, the more likely you are to fit the characteristics of a highly sensitive person.

In our loud, fast world, being sensitive is often stigmatized and misunderstood. If you’ve ever been told to “stop being so sensitive,” then you know what I’m talking about. However, in our book, Sensitive, which I co-authored with Andre Sólo, we argue that sensitivity is a strength and an advantage in life.

In our book, we identify the five gifts of sensitivity: empathy, creativity, sensory intelligence, depth of processing, and depth of emotion. These gifts are powerful tools that sensitive people can use to navigate the world, connect with others, and succeed in their careers. What’s more, we found that sensitivity is connected to brilliance. The characteristics of the world’s smartest people — those who are considered gifted — often overlap with the characteristics of sensitive people.

In this article, let’s explore how sensitivity is related to brilliance, in order to highlight another way that this trait can be a powerful asset in a world that often undervalues it.

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What Does It Mean to Be Sensitive?

First, let’s define what we mean by sensitivity. Despite the stereotypes that exist, a sensitive person is not necessarily someone who cries a lot or is easily offended. Rather, high sensitivity is a personality trait that is characterized by increased sensitivity to stimuli. Sensitive people are more aware of their surroundings and tend to feel emotions more intensely than others. Everyone is sensitive to some degree, but about 1 in 3 people are considered highly sensitive, meaning they fall on the far end of the spectrum.

So, if you are a highly sensitive person, it means your body and mind respond more to the world around you. You respond more to heartbreak, pain, and loss, but you also respond more to beauty, new ideas, and joy. You’re more affected by everything around you, but you also draw more from these experiences. A better word for “sensitive” might be “responsive.”

Because the sensitive mind processes everything so deeply, sensitivity comes with a cost: overstimulation. In certain situations, sensitive people are more prone to feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed. A busy weekend with lots of plans, the demands of parenting, or a “normal” day at work or school can leave sensitive people feeling drained or overstimulated — or even overwhelmed.

To learn more about the signs of sensitivity, read this post. Or, to understand the difference between sensitivity, introversion, and being an empath, check out this post.

What Does It Mean to Be Brilliant?

Next, let’s define what we mean by brilliance. To be brilliant means to have exceptional intelligence, talent, or skill in a particular area. A brilliant person is often able to think deeply and critically, solve complex problems, and generate innovative ideas. They may also be highly creative, intuitive, and have a strong sense of curiosity and a thirst for knowledge. Or, a brilliant person may have exceptional communication skills, be highly adaptable, and able to work well in a team. When you think of brilliant people, you probably think of history’s most exceptional individuals, such as Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Stephen Hawking, Mahatma Gandhi, William Shakespeare, Leonardo da Vinci, Maya Angelou, and others.

How Is Intelligence Linked to Sensitivity?

When writing our book, we spoke with Linda Silverman, the director of the Gifted Gifted Development Center. In her work with over 6,500 gifted children, she found a correlation between giftedness and sensitivity, with highly gifted individuals often exhibiting the traits of a sensitive person.

“I personally consider gifted people to be sensitive,” Silverman told me via email when I reached out to her while writing my book. “The higher an individual’s IQ, the more likely the person is to fit the characteristics of a sensitive person.”

She says this correlation has been observed across a wide range of fields, from the arts to science to business. In the arts, for example, some successful musicians have been shown to possess high sensitivity, often displaying a withdrawn and introspective personality behind the scenes. As Andre Sólo and I explain in Sensitive, the rock-and-roll legend Bruce Springsteen is one such example.

Similarly, in science and business, highly sensitive individuals are able to think deeply and carefully, making connections that others may miss, which leads to innovation and good leadership. For example, Satya Nadella, the CEO of Microsoft, is often praised for his empathetic leadership style. Under his leadership, Microsoft has seen significant growth and revitalization.

Are All Sensitive People Geniuses?

What Silverman isn’t saying is that all sensitive people are geniuses. But those who are the most gifted — the people who rank among the smartest 1-2 percent — tend to be both introverted and sensitive. “We have found that highly gifted individuals are more likely to be introverted than mildly gifted people,” she told me.

And, it’s important to note that brilliance can be subjective and context-dependent. What is considered brilliant in one field or culture may not be the same in another. Moreover, brilliance is not solely defined by high IQ or academic achievement, but also by a range of other qualities that contribute to excellence in a particular area.

Why Do Gifted People Tend to Be Sensitive?

According to Silverman, the overlap between giftedness and sensitivity can be best explained by the concept of overexcitability. This idea originates from Dabrowski’s theory of positive disintegration, which suggests that certain people may experience stronger neurological reactions to stimuli. These traits, known as overexcitabilities (OEs), can be psychomotor, sensual, imaginational, emotional, or intellectual.

A psychomotor overexcitability involves a heightened energy level. A person with this OE might be constantly in motion, talk rapidly, or engage in multiple activities at once. Someone who has a sensual overexcitability might experience heightened pleasure or displeasure related to certain textures, sounds, tastes, or sights. For example, they might find certain clothing fabrics intolerable or be deeply moved by music or art. Someone with an imaginational overexcitability might have a rich and active imagination, whereas someone with an intellectual overexcitability might have an intense desire to seek understanding and truth.

Of these OEs, emotional overexcitability has the strongest correlation with sensitive people and giftedness. People with emotional OE experience their emotions very deeply, whether it’s joy, sadness, empathy, or anxiety. They might have intense emotional reactions to events that others find less upsetting or feel a strong sense of injustice. For example, they might be deeply affected by news stories or personal events.

In a small study, Silverman found that parents of children with high emotional OE rated their kids as highly sensitive, compassionate, morally sensitive, and concerned with justice, while parents of kids with low emotional OE were uncertain about these traits.

Unfortunately, some academics who dismiss the inner world of the gifted also make fun of overexcitabilities. However, there is considerable research on OEs in the gifted, and it is a cross-cultural phenomenon, said Silverman. It is important to note that not all gifted people have OEs, but one meta-analysis found that the higher the person’s IQ, the stronger their OEs.

To Be Sensitive Means to Think Deeply

When I think about my own work with highly sensitive people, it makes perfect sense to me that they would be very intelligent. To be sensitive means to think deeply and carefully in any situation. The more sensitive a person is, the more connections they see — connections that others frequently miss.

So, the next time you feel bad about your sensitivity — or the next time someone tells you to toughen up — remember that your sensitivity is also your personal source of brilliance.

Our book, Sensitive, has been named an Amazon Best Book of 2023! Susan Cain says, “This important book reframes the way we think about sensitivity and shines a light on the great power of being highly attuned to the world.” Click here to buy it on Amazon.

This article originally appeared on our sister site, Introvert, Dear.

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Are You an Introvert, a Highly Sensitive Person, or Both?

Jenn Granneman — Fri, 03 Nov 2023 11:00:00 +0000

Both introverts and sensitive people are creative and introspective, but only one of them craves solitude. Which one(s) are you?

Introverts and highly sensitive people (HSPs) are often thought of as being one and the same. However, while there is certainly some overlap between these two traits, there are also some key differences that set them apart.

As I explain in the book Sensitive, which I co-authored with Andre Sólo, introversion describes a social orientation: a person who prefers the company of small groups and enjoys spending time alone. Sensitivity, on the other hand, describes an orientation toward one’s environment: HSPs do best in calm environments and struggle in chaotic or overstimulating environments. Therefore, we could say that introverts are primarily fatigued by socializing, while sensitive people get worn by excessive stimulation, whether it involves socializing or not.

So, which one are you? Actually, you can be both an introvert and a sensitive person, just like you can be both tall and left-handed. In this article, let’s explore some of the similarities and differences between highly sensitive people and introverts, so you can determine which one(s) you are — or are not.

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Similarities Between Introverts and Highly Sensitive People

1. Both of them are introspective and reflective.

Compared to their extroverted and less sensitive counterparts, introverts and HSPs tend to be more attuned to their own thoughts and emotions. For introverts, this is because they spend more time alone and therefore in their inner world. For HSPs, by contrast, this is a fundamental part of their wiring — sensitive people, by definition, process information more deeply and tend to reflect on it more; they’re wired to be deep thinkers.

This tendency toward depth shows up in a variety of ways. HSPs and introverts are more likely to engage in mindfulness practices like meditation and journaling — and may get more out of them — or creative activities like writing, painting, or music, as a way of exploring and expressing their vast inner world. They may create art that reflects their emotions or write stories or poems that allow them to delve deeper into their thoughts and experiences. They may constantly be asking themselves deep questions about life and their identity, like, “What are my values?” and “What do I want out of life?”

If you’re an HSP and/or an introvert, then you know that this focus on introspection can be both a benefit and a challenge. On the one hand, it gives you a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you. On the other hand, it can sometimes make you feel anxious or self-critical, for example, when you overthink a decision or overanalyze a past conversation.

2. Both of them need plenty of downtime.

Both introverts and highly sensitive people can get worn out faster than others, though for different reasons. For HSPs, it’s the “cost” of a brain that’s wired to go deep: too much stimuli overloads it, resulting in overstimulation. For introverts, it’s more of an exhaustion or brain fog that comes from too much people time. Either way, the result is that both introverts and sensitive people can become stressed, irritated, overwhelmed, or tired when there’s too much going on, like a lot of noise and social interaction, or a busy schedule. For HSPs and introverts, a “normal” day at the office or in the classroom can feel like too much. After work or school, instead of running an errand or meeting coworkers for happy hour, all they may want to do is go home, relax, and decompress!

For introverts, some of the biggest stressors include parties, making small talk, people who talk nonstop, and unexpected social interactions. Sensitive people, on the other hand, use their downtime to recover from the intense emotional and sensory experiences that they encounter throughout the day. For example, a sensitive person may become drained by loud music or bright overhead lights, or a busy schedule. Socializing can be a source of overstimulation, like attending a convention with hundreds of people, or it can be quite enjoyable, such as meaningful conversation with just one or two friends at a quiet, softly lit cafe. It all depends on the level of stimulation involved.

So what constitutes downtime? For both groups, any soothing, solitary, low-stimuli activity will do, as long as it allows the mind to rest or run through its thoughts. That includes activities like reading, taking a long bath, listening to music, vegging on the couch, or simply spending time in nature or in a peaceful space — like the HSP sanctuary.

It’s important to note that introverts and sensitive people aren’t the only ones who benefit from downtime. Everyone needs time to recover from the demands of daily life. However, for introverts and sensitive people, downtime is particularly important because they become overstimulated more easily than others.

3. Both of them may struggle with anxiety or feeling overwhelmed.

Both introverts and sensitive people may feel overwhelmed or anxious in certain situations. For example, introverts may be anxious about attending a large social event because they know that the need to engage in constant conversation will drain them. HSps may feel anxious about the fast pace of their job or the demands of being a parent. Both introverts and sensitive people may struggle with conflict or confrontation, as the emotional intensity of these situations can feel overwhelming and trigger overthinking. Basically, any situation that is loud, highly stimulating, or intense can feel like “too much” for the gentle, peace-loving highly sensitive person or introvert.

However, the good news is, HSPs and introverts may be able to manage these feelings more effectively than others, once they become aware of them. After all, they have a greater understanding of their own needs and abilities — remember, they are very introspective!

4. Both of them may feel out of place in society.

Introverts make up 30-50 percent of the population, while sensitive people make up about 30 percent of the population. So, if you are an introverted or sensitive person, many of the people who you encounter in life will not be like you. They will not experience life in the same “turned up” way that you do, nor will they be able to relate to your need for solitude or downtime.

And, as we explain in our book, our loud and often rushed world is not always friendly to sensitive people and introverts. In many cultures, especially Western ones, extroverted and aggressive behavior is highly valued, while reflective or introspective behavior is seen as a weakness or a failing. Emotions — which sensitive people experience intensely — may also be seen as a weakness (“Stop crying!” or “Toughen up!” or “It’s not that bad!”). This can lead introverts and sensitive people to feel pressure to be something they are not, or to feel like they are somehow not measuring up to societal expectations.

Differences Between Introverts and Highly Sensitive People

1. Sensitive people can be introverts or extroverts.

It’s estimated that about 70 percent of sensitive people are introverts, while 30 percent are extroverts. In other words, you might be an introverted sensitive person who cherishes solitude and quiet, or you might be an extroverted sensitive person who is outwardly expressive and thrives on relationships.

An extroverted sensitive person may appear quite different from an introverted sensitive person. While an introverted sensitive person may be quiet and reserved, an extroverted sensitive person may be outgoing and sociable. Unlike introverted sensitive people, extroverted sensitive people may enjoy meeting new people, trying new things, and maintaining a wide social network. In terms of their verbal and nonverbal communication, they may be highly expressive, using gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice to convey their emotions and ideas. Although extroverted sensitive people feel energized by socializing, they still need downtime to calm their senses and process their experiences.

2. Sensitive people and introverts experience emotions differently.

Sensitive people experience emotions deeply and with greater complexity than others do. Called “depth of emotion” — one of the gifts of sensitivity — this trait means HSPs may feel more moved, touched, or deeply impacted by their experiences, and they may need more time to process their emotions afterward. They may also experience a particularly emotional event, such as a sad movie, a break up, a loss, or a personal tragedy, with greater intensity than someone who is less sensitive. Their depth of emotion springs from the fact that they process all stimulation deeply — including internal stimulation. This emotional depth can make sensitive people particularly empathetic and compassionate, but it can also make them more susceptible to anxiety, trauma, and depression.

Introverts, on the other hand, do not necessarily feel emotions in a stronger or more intense way than others do. In fact, introverts may be more reserved or guarded with their emotions. They may prefer to keep their feelings to themselves.

3. Sensitive people and introverts react to stimulation differently.

While both introverts and sensitive people may be more sensitive to external stimuli, sensitive people tend to have a more intense and visceral reaction to it. Certain smells, sounds, or rough textures may trigger a physical sensation in their body, an emotional reaction, or a feeling of discomfort or unease. (For example, as a highly sensitive person, I can’t wear leggings or pants that have a tight waistband.) For introverts, the primary source of feeling drained and overwhelmed is socializing, while for sensitive people, it is more about sensory input.

Of course, if you are both an introvert and a sensitive person, you may feel drained and overwhelmed by many things at once. I remember attending a “speed friending” event where I sat in a circle and had to talk to a new person every five minutes. The sensitive person in me was drained by the noise and activity level in the room, while the introvert in me was exhausted by making small talk with so many people!

4. Introverts crave solitude while highly sensitive people may not.

Introversion is characterized by a preference for solitude, which has to do with how us “quiet ones” process rewards, a concept that I explain in this post. For example, introverts might skip a party and instead opt for a solo activity like reading or gaming because they love spending time alone. As Susan Cain writes of introverts in Quiet, “Solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe.”

Being sensitive, on the other hand, is about how a person experiences the world around them. Sensitive people do not necessarily crave solitude in the same way that introverts do — they may have no desire to spend an entire night (or weekend!) alone. Rather, sensitive people may find themselves needing downtime only when they feel tired or overwhelmed. They may step out of a loud room for a few moments to calm their senses or spend the morning journaling to sort out their thoughts.

For too long, society has told us that sensitivity is a weakness, when it’s actually your greatest strength. To learn more about your superpower, check out our bestselling book, Sensitive.

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A version of this article was originally published at Introvert, Dear.

The post Are You an Introvert, a Highly Sensitive Person, or Both? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.