Sleep is a basic human physiological function and one that’s crucial for our health. And when you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you need more sleep than others — all the overstimulation we HSPs experience all day catches up to us. 

Research hypothesizes that sleep may be necessary for restoration, as well as processing the day and enhancing our immune response. Since we’ve evolved to spend almost a third of our life asleep, you’d think it’d be easy to come by — but it seems that’s often not the case. 

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that adults get at least seven hours of sleep per night. And research shows that sleep deprivation can have short- and long-term health consequences. These include everything from increased stress and emotional distress to longer-term effects, like hypertension and cardiovascular disease.

But certain elements of modern life aren’t conducive to sleep — and you can probably relate. From our stressful environments to our lifestyles, there are many factors which can contribute to poor sleep and insomnia. From the blue light of our devices and TVs to our busy schedules, our mind and body are constantly stimulated. So what do we HSPs do when the racing thoughts just won’t stop? 

How to Reduce Racing HSP Thoughts 

As a highly sensitive person, I’ve always been a light sleeper, the slightest noise can coax me from slumber. Nevertheless, until the uncertainty of the pandemic, I’d generally managed to fall asleep after an hour or so and sleep around 7-8 hours. 

But, more recently, sleep hadn’t come as easily. I frequently took almost two hours to fall asleep, and when I did, rest was fitful and I often woke up several times a night.    

During those times, my mind was a constant stream of overthinking. HSPs become stressed easily and external stimuli can overwhelm us. With a rush of thoughts at a time when our bodies need rest, our capacity for sleep is reduced and our quality of sleep diminishes. 

Without good quality sleep, my mood began to dip and small tasks became large mountains. After a few days of inconsistent sleep resulted in migraine, I knew I had to do something to help myself.

How to Regulate the Nervous System 

Due to sensory processing sensitivity, the HSP nervous system works differently than that of non-HSPs. We know that the HSP’s depth of processing is at work, even after the event. This means that we may be processing events or emotions from days ago — even at rest.

I find my mind races with thoughts after a day of  socializing with friends or after an important meeting at work. Racing thoughts serve to keep our stress response engaged, which in turn keeps our breathing elevated. 

Our breathing is regulated by the autonomic nervous system and is an unconscious process, along with heart rate, digestion, and other bodily system controls. Breathing sets off a whole host of changes in the body that promotes rest or stress. The vagus nerve has an important part to play here, as it sends signals to the autonomic nervous system — which slows down or speeds up our breathing.

The simplest way to calm down our body is to breathe slowly. I’d read enough about stress and anxiety to know that deep breathing is key to stress reduction and feeling more grounded. But I’d never considered the importance of breathing for the benefit of sleep. 

How to Breathe to Promote Calm

There’s a growing body of research on the effects of breathing on our health. In James Nestor’s book, Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, he states that 90 percent of us are breathing incorrectly and that this is at the root of a host of ailments. Although breathing is automatic, there are things we can do to optimize this crucial life force.

I came across Charlie Morley’s book,Wake Up to Sleep, after reading about it in a magazine. My interest was immediately piqued when I read that his techniques have been proven to help reduce anxiety and improve sleep quality in 87 percent of participants. 

A lucid dream expert, Morley is an authoritative voice, having developed mindful sleep techniques originally for military veterans and those suffering from stress- or trauma-affected sleep patterns. His methods mix mindfulness-based techniques with breathwork — and focus on regulating the nervous system. They can help anyone, whether or not they’ve been affected by trauma. 

Research also supports the importance of slow breathing for the benefit of the mind and body.  I was also surprised to learn from Morley that most of us take 15 breaths per minute — and that this is enough of a signal to convince our nervous system that we’re in danger. Surely I didn’t breathe that quickly? Yet even in my calm and relaxed state, after timing my breaths, I can report that I do indeed breathe 15 times a minute. 

I was ready to learn more about how breathwork could improve my sleep. Here are a few tips on how changing your breathing can help you sleep better. 

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3 Ways to Change the Way You Breathe as an HSP

1. Slow down your breathing.

Coherent breathing is a breathing practice that slows the breath to around five breaths per minute by taking equal inhales and equal exhales. Breathwork has been used for years in many different cultures, notably in Eastern practices. While it can be done as part of a yoga practice or meditation, it is also effective on its own. 

The aim of coherent breathing is to “get our ANS (autonomic nervous system) in balance,” Morley says, and activate a division of the ANS, known as the parasympathetic nervous system. Breathing around five breaths per minute synchronizes the electrical rhythms of the heart, lungs, and brain, causing the body to be both relaxed and alert. 

I followed Morley’s coherent breathing practice before bed for two weeks. After those two weeks, my sleep was transformed. Two changes were striking — the length of time it took for me to fall asleep decreased and my quality of sleep increased. 

On average, it only took me 20-40 minutes to fall asleep, which was much better than my usual almost two hours. The most dramatic result was that I was now sleeping for seven hours and feeling refreshed, whereas I’d previously needed nine hours of sleep to experience that same well-rested feeling. 

Coherent breathing is a simple way to help your body relax. To begin with, try it for 15 minutes a day. Breathing in this way may feel very alien at first, but it’s worth persevering and building in 20-30 minutes of this breathwork technique per day over the course of a month to really notice the benefits. 

Morley suggests you follow a coherent breathing guided audio or video online, although you can do the technique without it, as well. Here’s what Morley advises:

• Breathe in slowly for a count of 6. 
• Breathe out slowly for a count of 6. 
• Repeat for as long as you need.

Then prepare to feel calm and relaxed!

2. Make sure you close your mouth.

Morley also advises to close your mouth and breathe through your nose when it comes to an important aspect of our sleep. This impacts everything from the amount of oxygen we breathe in to the quality of our breathing itself.

Morley tells us that breathing through our nose is better for us. “The nose has a three-layer filtration system made up of nasal hairs which help stop dirt and debris entering the nose, plus a mucus membrane, which catches dust and bacteria… and microscopic hairs called cilia, which help move mucus along the respiratory tract and further filter out the bad stuff.”

Nasal breathing also increases the vacuum in our lungs, which “allows us to draw in 20 percent more oxygen than breathing through the mouth,” he says.

Morley says we should breathe through our nose as much as possible during the day, which increases our likelihood of doing so at night, too. It’s like training ourselves to breathe differently until it becomes second nature. A couple things to note:

• Notice when you might be breathing through your mouth and correct it by closing the mouth and breathing through the nose instead. 
• Spend some time on conscious breathwork each day to increase your awareness of the benefits of nasal breathing. 

For an in-depth look at the benefits of nasal breathing, check out Patrick McKeown’s book, Close Your Mouth: Buteyko Breathing Clinic Self-Help Manual. In it, McKeown explores the multiple effects of closed-mouth breathing on various aspects of our health, from our oxygen intake to our dental health. 

3. Breathe fully (in order to use your whole lung capacity). 

Most of us don’t breathe fully or use the whole of our lung capacity. When we’re feeling stressed, we’re more likely to take shallow breaths, which are located in the chest area. In doing this, we activate our stress response. 

But Morley says that expanding our lungs ensures that breathing can happen more effectively. He cites a 30-year study carried out by New York State University on 1,000 participants. It showed that larger lungs means longer life, and that lung capacity is one of the greatest indicators of longevity. 

And, as I am proof of, the effects of not breathing fully can show up in restless sleep and insomnia. This is where slow, deep breathing can help. Coherent breathing is useful here, as well as ensuring we’re taking full, slow breaths by using our diaphragm. Here’s what you need to do:

• Either seated or lying down, place one hand on your chest and one hand on your stomach.  Breathe normally. At this stage, we don’t want to change how we breathe; we just need to see how you’re breathing. 

• When you breathe in, notice where your hand feels movement (either in the chest area or the stomach area).

• If you feel movement in the chest area, it’s likely you’re using the top portion of your lungs and could benefit from deepening your breathing. 

• When you breathe in slowly, your stomach should expand as you take in air to your lungs. When you breathe out, the stomach should fall. 

The benefits of diaphragmatic breathing  include helping you relax by deactivating the stress response, increasing lung capacity, and increasing the oxygen in your bloodstream. And anything that causes you to relax is good news for your sleep, especially as a highly sensitive soul. Adjusting our breathing is an essential thing to keep in our HSP mental health toolbox.

By understanding how the effect of stress and overstimulation can impact our sleep, we can begin to help prime our highly sensitive body for sleep using the simple power of the breath.  Easy, right? Here’s wishing you sweet dreams…

You might like:

• Why Highly Sensitive People May Need More Sleep Than Others
• HSP Brains Process Everything Deeply, Even at Rest, Study Finds
• Here’s Everything Researchers Know About High Sensitivity, as of 2021

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post HSPs, Are Racing Thoughts Preventing You From Sleeping? It Might Be Time to Change How You Breathe appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Do you notice little details about your surroundings that others miss — especially details about the people around you? Do you quickly get overwhelmed when your to-do list is long, your weekend is busy, or when you spend time in a loud, bustling place? Do you reflect on your experiences deeply, and feel emotions in a big way?

If so, you might be a highly sensitive person (HSP). HSPs are the 20 percent of the population who process things more deeply than others. This stems from a difference in their brains and nervous systems.

What exactly makes HSPs different? Recent research has the answers. Let’s take a look at the four biggest differences.

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4 Differences in a Highly Sensitive Person’s Brain

1. Your brain responds to dopamine differently.

Dopamine is the brain’s reward chemical. Simply put, it drives you to want to do certain things, then gives you a sense of victory or pleasure when you do them.

Many of the genes involved in high sensitivity affect how your body uses dopamine — in ways we don’t yet fully understand. HSPs are likely less driven by external rewards than non-HSPs. Rewards are the “gold stickers” of life, for example, a job promotion, a paycheck, or inclusion into a social group. Similar to introverts, HSPs are simply not as excited by the things that many others chase.

This is part of what allows HSPs to hold back and be thoughtful and observant while they process information. It also likely prevents them from being drawn to the same highly stimulating situations that end up overwhelming them.

If you’re an HSP, and you just don’t find yourself very interested in a loud party or taking risks, you have your dopamine system to thank.

2. Your mirror neurons are more active.

Mirror neurons play a big role in the HSP brain. They help us understand what someone is doing or experiencing, based on their actions. Essentially, these brain cells compare the other person’s behavior with times you yourself have behaved that way, effectively “mirroring” them to figure out what’s going on for them.

That’s an important job for a lot of reasons, but one of the things it does in humans is allow us to feel empathy and compassion for others. When we recognize the pain (or joy) someone is going through and relate to it, it’s because of this system. More mirror neuron activity means a more empathetic person — like an HSP.

HSPs don’t necessarily have more mirror neurons than others, rather, their mirror neuron systems are more active. In 2014, functional brain imaging research found that HSPs had consistently higher levels of activity in key parts of the brain related to social and emotional processing. This higher level of activity kicked in even in tests involving strangers, meaning HSPs can easily extend compassion to people they don’t personally know. (The effect was still highest with loved ones, however).

As an HSP, these mirror neurons are both your superpower and, at times, more than a little inconvenient — like when you can’t watch the same TV show as everyone else because it’s too violent. But it’s also what makes you warm, caring, and insightful about what other people are going through.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

3. You really do experience emotions more vividly.

Hidden away in the front of the brain is a fascinating area called the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC). This area is hooked into several systems involving your emotions, your values, and processing sensory data. When we say that highly sensitive people process things more deeply than others, there’s a good chance it happens right here.

While the role of the vmPFC is not yet completely understood, it’s definitely associated with emotional regulation, and it enhances the things we experience with a certain emotional “vividness.” Everyone experiences life more vividly during emotional moments, not just HSPs, but high sensitivity is linked to a gene that increases this vividness, essentially turning up the dial. That gene allows emotional enhancement to have a much greater effect on the vmPFC as it processes experiences.

What does this mean for HSPs? Unlike mirror neurons, this emotional vividness isn’t necessarily social in nature. It’s all about how vividly you feel emotions inside you in response to what’s happening around you. So, if you seem to feel things stronger than other people do, it’s not just in your head (okay, it’s entirely in your head, but you know what I mean!). HSPs are finely tuned to pick up even subtle emotional cues and react to them.

4. Other people are the brightest things on your radar.

For less sensitive people, it’s easy to tune out other people. But for an HSP, almost everything about the brain is wired to notice and interpret others.

This is clear from the many other parts of the brain that get extra-active for HSPs in social situations. For example, the brain imaging study mentioned above also showed increased activity in the cingulate area and the insula — two areas that, together, may form our “seat of consciousness” and moment-to-moment awareness. For HSPs, these areas become far more active in response to images of other people, especially those exhibiting a relevant social or emotional cue.

In other words: Highly sensitive people actually become more alert, almost “more conscious,” in a social context. If you’re an HSP, other people are the brightest things on your radar.

The Gift of the Highly Sensitive Brain

There’s a lot that can be said about the gifts of the highly sensitive brain. It processes information on deep level, sees more connections, and cares and relates to others in a profound way.

But perhaps your most important gift as an HSP is the one designed to protect you. Your brain is fine-tuned to notice and interpret the behavior of everyone around you. If someone is bad news, you know it. If someone is not going to treat you right, you see it coming. If a situation isn’t right for you, you probably know that, too.

That’s vital, because HSPs need healthy environments and supportive loved ones to thrive — perhaps even more so than others.

If you’re an HSP, your brain may be the most powerful social machine in the known universe.

You might like:

• 21 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person
• How I Learned to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions
• You’re Not ‘Crazy,’ You’re a Highly Sensitive Person

The post The Difference Between the Highly Sensitive Brain and the ‘Typical’ Brain appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

“You know it’s not real, right? It’s just a movie!”

I often hear some variation of this when someone is trying to convince me to watch a horror movie. Yes, on a rational level, I do know that it’s “just a movie” and not real. However, there is part of my brain that, well, doesn’t. 

That’s not to say that I have a poor grasp on reality, or can’t tell fiction from real life. On the contrary, I do recognize that the monsters, gore, violence, and scary stories present in horror movies are only real in the cinematic world. 

Yet for me, the horror doesn’t stay contained within the screen — my mind makes it feel real due to factors like having a heightened threat response and depth of processing. 

You see, as a highly sensitive person (HSP), my brain works differently than that of a non-HSP. I also see this phenomenon happening with my HSP clients in psychotherapy. Indeed, these neurological differences impact our decision-making process, in everything from what movies we decide to watch (or stay far away from!), to how we interact with others, to how we live our lives. 

What Makes HSPs Different? 

Highly sensitive people, who make up nearly 30 percent of the overall population, experience what researchers refer to as sensory processing sensitivity. Due to the heightened sensitivity of our nervous systems, this amplifies seemingly every aspect of our lived experiences, from how loud noises sound to how strong our emotions feel. 

One common way to define the experience of HSPs is through the DOES acronym, coined by sensitivity expert Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person. DOES stands for: Depth of Processing, Overstimulation, Emotional Reactivity/Empathy, and Sensing the Subtle. Indeed, these factors also offer an explanation as to how HSP brains make decisions differently from our less sensitive counterparts. 

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How HSP Brains Make Decisions

Now, let’s break down the DOES acronym and explore what it means, as well as its impact on decision-making when it comes to HSPs.   

Depth of Processing

The HSP Brain: The HSP brain is wired to process everything on a deep level. Indeed, research indicates that HSPs experience more activity in brain regions associated with depth of processing, reflective thinking (including self-reflective thinking and reflective thinking in response to emotional stimuli), cognitive control, and awareness. 

Further, HSP brains also show greater reward response, resulting in increased motivation. Researchers hypothesized that this mechanism was a survival strategy in that deep processing of environmental stimuli helped HSPs prepare, and implement, an appropriate decision when the time came.

Impact on Decision-Making: The way our HSP brain processes information deeply means, first and foremost, that we sensitive folks take our time to make decisions. Far from impulsive decision-makers, HSPs need adequate time to truly think through whatever it is we’re pondering, carefully weighing each pro and con. This may also look like integrating various aspects of knowledge when making a decision. 

For instance, we may draw on our past experience and first-hand experience, research professional opinions, and reach out to friends about their insight, all while comparing and contrasting each option. This may also mean that it takes us longer to integrate new information, as well as come to an actual decision. 

While non-HSPs may find such tendencies to be overly cautious, HSPs’ depth of processing contributes to a conscientiousness in decision-making that ultimately helps us feel more secure and grounded in our decision. 

To this end, researchers found that HSPs tend to do best at making decisions through a deliberation method (i.e., thinking through the problem thoroughly) as opposed to an implementation method (i.e., focusing on finding a concrete, practical solution), suggesting that the former is how most HSPs excel when addressing issues. That previously-mentioned reward response likely plays a role here, in that our brains are naturally motivated to think deeply when making a decision. 

Overstimulation

The HSP Brain: The HSP brain tends to have greater activation in the amygdala, which is the area of the brain responsible, in part, for feeling overstimulated. More specifically, the amygdala is associated with the emotions of anxiety, fear, and stress, or those typically involved with the fight-flight-or-freeze response. 

Impact on Decision-Making: Research shows that when the amygdala is activated, we tend to make decisions that are more impulsive. This is due to what’s known as the amygdala hijack: the rational, thinking part of our brain (prefrontal cortex) goes off-line to make way for our amygdala to kick into high-gear. Although this process can be rather frustrating, it originally developed as a survival mechanism in order for us to bypass our thinking process when a quick decision needed to be made. 

HSPs’ tendency to not only become overstimulated easier, but also reach that overstimulation threshold faster, means that we are especially susceptible to our fight-flight-or-freeze response taking over. That’s the reason why we tend to react differently when feeling frazzled than we otherwise would when we’re able to engage in our natural deep processing. 

This is also why we are more likely to make immediate (and sometimes regrettable) decisions when feeling overwhelmed — our brains are trying to get us to escape to safety as soon as possible! Returning to the horror movie example: If I were (accidentally) exposed to a horror movie, I wouldn’t take my time to process the decision. My overstimulation would immediately become too much and I would get out of there!

Obviously, making impulsive decisions due to overstimulation is far from ideal, especially since HSPs value making a well-informed decision. This is why it is vital for HSPs to engage in good self-care, have strong boundaries, and develop a coping skills toolkit to turn to in cases of emergency. These strategies help to combat potential overwhelm, keeping us at our best when making decisions.

Emotional Reactivity

The HSP Brain: The HSP brain is one that is wired to emphasize our emotional experience. More specifically, studies, like the ones I mentioned above, have found that HSPs have greater neural activity in areas involving emotional memory, stress control, emotional processing, and preparing for action in response to emotionally-evocative stimuli. 

Further, HSP brain activity has also been shown to be associated with intricate memory processing. This, along with our depth of processing, can help us remain calm while engaging in emotional systems, researchers suggest. After all, just because we feel emotions strongly doesn’t mean that we can’t successfully navigate such experiences!

Impact on Decision-Making: Having a strong emotional experience means that HSPs are more likely to factor in our feelings when making a decision, as opposed to attempting to ignore, or suppress, our emotions. This may look like making a decision that comforts our emotional experience (like deciding to engage in some extra self-care when feeling sad), addressing the emotion itself within our decision (like addressing our loneliness by reaching out to a friend), using information from the emotion to act accordingly (like setting a boundary upon feeling angry), or even simply feeling our feelings in order to process them before we move forward with our decision. 

Emotional memory also plays a significant role in HSPs’ decision-making process. Essentially, sensitive people are more likely to use our memories of emotionally-significant events, including what happened and what we learned from it, when making decisions. For instance, we may remember how we felt guilty when we did not act in alignment with our values. This helps us to learn that it does not feel good to ignore our values, and to consider our values when making decisions in the future. 

Or, we may remember how confident we felt after receiving praise from our boss on the project we were working on. This helps us to remember how good it feels to succeed, and to decide to put in similar effort in the future. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

Empathy

The HSP Brain: Our HSP strength of empathy is reflected in our neurology. Indeed, the HSP brain has greater activity in regions involved with self-other integration, social processing, and, of course, empathy. More specifically, HSPs’ neural activity is associated with detecting, and interpreting, the emotions of others. 

Researchers believe that this is part of the mirror neuron system. As the name suggests, these neurons (or, messengers within our brain) activate when we witness the actions of others. This helps us not only to learn by observing, but also to intuit others’ internal state, a core feature of empathy.

Impact on Decision-Making: Given HSPs’ high levels of empathy, we are much more likely to be considerate of others when making a decision. This could look like involving others in the decision-making process (especially when the decision involves them), deciding to avoid consuming stories that display suffering (like turning off the news for gruesome stories or refusing to watch horror movies), making a decision to show kindness to someone (like holding the door open for a stranger or being supportive to a friend who is having a bad day), or ensuring your decision does not hurt others (like refusing to vote for politicians and policies that infringe on others’ rights).

Sensing the Subtle 

The HSP Brain: As the very name suggests, sensory processing sensitivity entails being better able to sense the subtle. More specifically, there is more neural activity in regions involved with attention, integration of sensory information, as well as with high-order visual processing and detecting minor changes in stimuli. 

Some researchers believe this means that HSPs are more likely to attend to, notice, and integrate subtle changes around them. Thus, this ability may contribute to being more ready to act when faced with a threat.

Impact on Decision-Making: The HSP ability to detect subtle information plays a role in our decision-making process by taking this information into account. For instance, we may decide how to respond to someone given the faint details in their body language. Or, we may decide what road is the safest to travel down (and which ones we should avoid) given the subtleties of our options. Or, we may decide which job feels best to us based on the distinctions between the different environments, such as people’s energies, lighting, and layout details. 

HSP, how do you notice your sensitivity playing a role in your decision-making? Comment down below! (As for me, I’ll decide to continue to stay far away from horror movies!)

You might like:

• The Difference Between the Highly Sensitive Brain and the ‘Typical’ Brain
• HSP Brains Process Everything Deeply, Even at Rest, Study Finds
• Here’s Everything Researchers Know About High Sensitivity, as of 2021

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post A Highly Sensitive Person’s Brain Really Does Make Decisions Differently. Here’s How. appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

One of the remarkable parts of being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is their profound ability to experience empathy. And since HSPs make up nearly 30 percent of the population, that means there are a lot of empathetic people out there.

When the neural activity of HSPs was examined as they viewed images of human emotions ranging from positive, negative, and neutral facial expressions, researchers found heightened brain activity in HSPs across all emotional conditions, whether the image was of a stranger or someone they knew. The activated brain areas were associated with awareness and attention, action planning, and empathy. 

Because HSPs are emotional sponges and empaths by nature, they often are also highly compassionate. Interestingly, though, you can experience one without the other, because empathy and compassion are uniquely different.  

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

Empathy vs. Compassion

Empathy precedes compassion, as it is the initial physiological response toward someone else’s pain. When we have empathy for someone, we literally feel what they are feeling — so if they are suffering, we suffer. 

This leads to a deep understanding of the other’s experience, such as “seeing or feeling” another’s pain. Understanding another’s pain is an important step toward being able to show compassion. However, empathy itself does not motivate action or the desire to help. If anything, empathy can lead to negative stress in the body, which is the reason I, as an HSP, may suffer a headache if my husband tells me he has one (more to come on how to protect your empathic energy if this happens to you!).

Compassion, on the other hand, happens when we have sympathy or concern for another’s suffering. While we are aware of what they are going through, we do not necessarily embody their suffering (unless we have already had an empathetic response).  

The brain also responds differently to compassion than it does empathy. Scientists, when mapping compassion in the brain, have found that when we feel compassion, our heart rate slows and our brain secretes the bonding hormone oxytocin, which helps activate pleasure centers in our brain.

So while empathy can cause stress in the body, compassion causes pleasure that inspires action. Studies have found this to be true, as well. The act of “showing” compassion comes from a place of helping. The amazing thing about compassion is that even if you do not have a specific way to change or fix a situation for someone, even wishing the person well and mentally lifting them out of their suffering can have a positive impact on your own stress levels and energy, researchers have found.

How HSPs Can Balance Empathy and Compassion

For sensitive people, the suffering of others and the world at large can feel crushing. As a result, knowing how to handle our empathic response can feel daunting. While empathy helps us connect with another’s experience, it can also be taxing on the mind and body. I say this not only as a therapist, but researchers have found this to be true, as well.

Knowing when you are experiencing empathy fatigue — which some researchers call “compassion fatigue” — can be a helpful step in managing it. The questions below help reflect on this experience. 

• What do I feel in my body? Common empathy responses include tightening in the heart center, tension in the head and back, nausea, or lack of appetite.
• Do I find this sensation tolerable? Keep in mind that even moderate stress in the body over a long period of time has a compounding effect on well-being, studies have shown.
• Am I able to change or control what is happening to this person or group? Feeling stuck and unable to change the suffering of another is a major component to empathy fatigue.

If you answer “no” to questions 2 or 3 above, meaning the sensation is not tolerable and/or you are unable to change or help the other person, you will want to employ helpful tactics for managing empathy. 

Want to reduce stress and thrive as an empath? We recommend these online courses from psychotherapist and sensitivity expert Julie Bjelland. Click here to learn more.

4 Ways for Highly Sensitive People to Manage Empathy 

1. Create distance since closeness increases empathy.

Because closeness increases empathy, sometimes it can help to create physical space when you are feeling dysregulated. For example, as a therapist (who is also highly empathic), I ensure I have enough space between my client and myself so I can preserve my energy and emotions to support them. Something as simple as a deliberate step-back (think: personal bubble) can go a long way to help deal with empathic stress.

2. Honor your boundaries, which will help decrease your stress levels.

If you feel emphatic stress, it is okay to practice the power of saying “no” and eliminate potential situations that may create stress. This can feel difficult for empaths and sensitive people, as they feel pain if they believe they are hurting someone or disappointing them. (We are often people-pleasers, too, after all!) But it is important to remember you are not able to be compassionate (help) if you are feeling overwhelmed. So honor your boundaries, and practice enacting them often!

3. Connect with the power of your breath. 

When your body and mind are having an empathic reaction to suffering, you may find your breath becoming shallow as your body responds to another’s pain. Reconnecting with your breath (perhaps using four-count box breathing or paying special attention to a nice, long exhale) can help increase regulation in your body.

4. Try Metta meditation, also known as a loving-kindness meditation.

This form of meditation is very powerful for strong empathy responses. It can evolve the stress that empathy can cause into a more positive feeling of compassion. To perform this meditation, do the following: 

• Find a comfortable position and spend a few moments focusing on your breath and concentrating on relaxing the muscles in your body. 
• Once you feel ready, begin with focusing on yourself and slowly repeat the following phrases in your head: “May I be happy.” “May I be healthy.” “May I be safe.” “May I be at ease.” 
• Next, you can repeat these steps, focusing on someone you care for and repeat: “May you be happy.” “May you be healthy.” “May you be safe.” “May you be at ease.” 
• Then, if you would like, choose a neutral person, someone you see regularly but may not know well, and repeat the same wishes for them. (You can also choose to provide well wishes for a group of people, animals, a certain nation, and so forth.) 
• Finally, you can choose a person who you are struggling with and provide the same wishes for them.

The key is to allow for space and time between each person you focus on. You can also choose to begin specifically where you feel the most need, i.e., with the person you are struggling with. 

Science shows that simply wishing someone well helps improve your mood and mental health, lower perceived stress, and help regulate your nervous system. These positive changes also allow HSPs, who find great value in their relationships, to enjoy being around others, even at times they may be struggling. 

You might like:

• For HSPs, ‘Compassion Fatigue’ Is All Too Real
• Why Highly Sensitive People Absorb Other People’s Emotions
• Why Highly Sensitive People Tend to Be People-Pleasers — and How to Stop

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post HSPs, Do You Have ‘Too Much’ Empathy? (And What to Do About It) appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Enduring something traumatic or stressful is not only noticeable in your brain in the form of thoughts, but research shows that it also translates to pain in your body. You can get a headache or earache, sore muscles, feel nauseated, tense shoulders, pain in your neck, a stomachache, diarrhea, eczema, and the list goes on. And trauma is even more magnified when you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), since everything affects us on a deeper level.

It is thought that if you don’t do anything, the trauma will be stored in your body for the rest of your life. 

A while ago, I watched/heard Therapy in a Nutshell,  a video about a polar bear that shook off the trauma from being chased. Apparently, animals do this to prevent the trauma from staying with them in their body. This self-healing exercise is known by animals, but humans seem to have forgotten this skill. 

I Don’t Have Any Trauma… Do I?

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), “trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event.” You might think: I have never experienced real trauma, so this doesn’t apply to me. But you might be wrong. You may think about experiencing an attack, a flood, or losing a loved one when you think about trauma. However, for our brains, other, less-drastic stressful situations can be perceived as trauma, too. 

So having an argument/being yelled at, almost having an accident, or losing an opportunity can cause the same effect. When not taken care of, it can result in trapped trauma in your body. And that is where the trouble lies — when we don’t deal with it. The tension is still trapped in our body. So we get pains, a rash, strange muscle spasms, you name it. 

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Being Told to ‘Just Deal With It’

In my upbringing (in the 1980s and ‘90s in Western Europe), there was no place for education about how to manage big emotions. My parents didn’t see my sensitive nature, so didn’t act accordingly. And I have these phrases so many times growing up: “Keep your chin up”; “stop crying”; “stop overreacting”; “you must toughen up”; “don’t be so sensitive”; “just suck it up”; “let it go”; “don’t worry about it”; and countless others… 

I believe that in many cultures and families, kids don’t learn how to deal with their emotions in a healthy way. So what happens? We are thought it is “weak” or “wrong” to show we are sad or angry, so we stuff the feeling away — which some call “emotional buffering” — and it festers in our bodies for years. These core wounds, like not feeling wanted or like enough — are really worth investigating and deserve a healing and loving approach. 

And, even as adults, we give each other the “don’t sweat it” and “toughen up” messages. Say you have a near-accident on your way to work. When you tell your coworker, they say, “Oh, well, good thing nothing happened,” and then move on with their day. But you are left with a feeling of unease; you were shocked by the near-accident. 

Another example may be you missing out on a promotion (or raise) at work that you’d had your heart set on. You’re actually a bit crushed, sad, and disappointed. You start to feel insecure and wonder if you should have done more or worked harder. You talk to a friend about it and their response is, “Oh, well, nowadays you should be happy to have a job at all; don’t worry about it.” But you do worry about it — that’s the thing — and you actually feel grief since you feel you lost something. 

Instead of embracing your HSP feelings and emotions, we tend to put them aside; after all, we don’t want to seem childish, selfish, insecure, or weak. We want people to view us as “strong” and “tough” people, and we have been taught that showing emotions is not a part of that. 

But I am here to say: Emotions are not a bad thing or things that need to be hidden away like a secret. Instead, we should just listen to them and learn from their message. 

And know that it is perfectly okay to feel this way; it is not a situation that needs “fixing.” Most people either downsize your emotional response or will repeatedly tell you, “It will be alright.” But sometimes the best thing we can tell each other is, “Oh, yes, I can understand — that just really sucks! You are right to be angry/sad/lost/anxious/worried/tired, etc.” (And maybe throw in a big hug, too.)

So What Do We Do Now?

Should we shake the feeling off like the polar bear? Well, yes, actually we should. The trick here is to go from your brain to your body. You have to reverse the interaction between your body and your brain. Your brain foresees a threat, and your body gets into the well-known flight-fight-freeze response. 

Because there is a physical reaction to what is going on in your brain, you can reverse it by calming your body down. A calm body sends a message to the brain that all is well and you don’t need to fight off a threat or run from an enemy. Here are some ways you can relax.

8 Ways to Calm Your Body Down

1. Give yourself a vagus nerve massage.

The fight-flight-freeze reaction sprouts from your so-called lizard brain. This is the part of your brain that is really old and does not respond to language, but listens to sensations in the body. Your vagus nerve is a parasympathetic nerve responsible for the resting, digesting, feeling-joy-and-connection-to-other-people part of your brain. So in this nerve lies the solution to relaxing muscles that are cramped up due to stress and/or trauma. Watch this video on how to do this. Basically, it involves applying pressure to parts of your head and neck. Even looking over your shoulder and stretching the opposite side of your neck can work wonders (at least for me).

2. Pat various parts of your body.

This can be as simple as touching your face or patting your arm or leg. Just the sensation your body feels will reconnect you to your body and help reduce any tension. 

3. Do intentional movement, like dancing, yoga, or push-ups.

Moving intentionally creates a sensation of feeling safe and can release trapped trauma. 

When I have emotions bottled up inside, or when I am overstimulated and do an intense exercise such as push-ups, I will start to cry. The intensity of the muscle work will release the plug. For me, crying is my pressure valve. I will feel tired and have a headache afterwards, but I feel like a weight has lifted and I can breathe properly again. 

So interact in big movements with your body to release the energy inside you. You can put on some music, close the curtains, and just dance, do yoga, or exercise. Whatever works best for you!

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

4. Sit in stillness.

We HSPs absolutely love and cherish stillness. This desire can be hard to fulfill in a world where there is always something going on or making noise. Humans really should appreciate the benefits of stillness and quiet more; it can do so much.   

Being still, like through mindfulness or meditation, taps into the brain’s default mode; in this setting, the brain briefly enters an idle state. You will start daydreaming or your mind will start to wander, signs of self-generated cognition. You can sit still and stare into the abyss, stare at the sunset, the ceiling… just let your mind wander. Close your eyes if you want to. Closing your eyes is also a great way of giving your brain a break from all the stimuli it receives. 

5. Do breathing exercises, like the Wim Hof Method.

Your breathing is a great tool to send your brain the “I am safe and okay” message. Try the 4-7-8 technique, the Wim Hof method, or the Buteyko technique. Or make up your own method — as long as it relaxes you!

6. Laugh… often!

Don’t you feel incredible after laughing out loud? My husband and I are renovating the kitchen and he asked me to blow through a tube in order to remove dust. It made such an unexpectedly hilarious sound that we fell into a laughing fit, tears streaming down our faces, and it felt so good! 

Look up funny videos or do crazy things with your kids or partner and just laugh your socks off. I can really recommend this video; it absolutely cracked me up.  

7. Cry

Opposite of #6, but also very effective. As I mentioned, crying can be a great emotion-releasing exercise. Watch a sad movie or listen to sad music. Some piano music loosens my tears almost every time. If I cry easily while watching a movie (and trust me, I cry in an instant: a lost cat or two lovers losing sight of each other and I am in need of tissues), I know I have a lot of emotions built up inside me. 

8. Do shadow work.

A way to release repressed emotions is also through so-called shadow work. This allows your body to let go of the trapped traumas and will improve your well-being, too. I myself use the Loner Wolf Shadow Work Journal, and love it. Shadow work helps you get in touch with your hidden/dark sides that you keep hidden and feel ashamed about. 

I hope I have given you some ideas about how you can deal with build-up emotions and unresolved trauma. Please keep in mind that it can take some time to feel relief, and know that emotions are not things that need “fixing.” Awareness, respect, and space are the tools to process emotions and give them a place in your heart and soul. It is not about erasing, but about embracing. 

Note: I’m dedicating this article to a dear friend of mine. We often talk about being highly sensitive, and a topic that comes up frequently is feeling an emotion as physical pain in your body — and what you can do about it. 

Meanwhile, I’d love to hear from you in the comments on what your experiences are with feeling trauma and emotions in your body — and how you deal with it. 

You might like:

• HSPs, Your Body Affects You More Than You Think. Here’s How to Make it Your Friend.
• 9 Life-Changing Skills HSPs Can Learn from Meditation
• Trauma Hits Differently When You’re a Highly Sensitive Person. Here’s Why (and What to Do About It)

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Having Unexplained Pains? It Might Be From Neglected Emotions appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Do you frequently find yourself feeling overwhelmed in crowded public spaces? Does a fast-paced work schedule leave you far more jangled than your colleagues? Or, do you simply find busy restaurants too loud and stressful — even when everyone else is enjoying themselves?

If so, there’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re far from alone — you might be a highly sensitive person (HSP). And your biology may be the reason you get overwhelmed when others do not.

Let’s look at the surprising science behind why sensitive people get overwhelmed — starting with what it means to be highly sensitive.

What Is a Highly Sensitive Person?

About 1 in 5 people are born with the trait of high sensitivity. That means that their nervous systems process information more deeply than those of other people. Being an HSP is a normal, healthy trait, and comes with advantages — but it also means the world is “turned up” for you, and can quickly become too much.

If you’re an HSP, you may notice things that others miss, see connections that others don’t make, or simply think about things very thoroughly. You may also have stronger reactions to “small” stimuli — like being bothered by a subtle noise (the ticking of a clock), or having a stronger emotional reaction (like tears of joy, or being unable to watch a violent movie).

Still not sure if you’re an HSP? See 21 Signs That You’re a Highly Sensitive Person.

Because the world is so “turned up,” being overwhelmed is a common experience for all HSPs. Here’s how to tell if you’re experiencing overwhelm.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

7 Signs You’re Getting Overwhelmed

Overwhelm can seem to come out of nowhere, but usually it’s preceded by smaller symptoms of burnout. Here are seven signs to watch for:

1. Small problems start to feel like really big ones. And this can lead to feelings of nervousness or panic.
2. You’re getting mentally or physically fatigued. You find yourself suddenly lacking energy or “running out of steam.” This affects your motivation for activities, social events, or work.
3. You can’t concentrate. A sense of “brain fog” or even uncertainty are both common signs of overwhelm. This can include having a hard time making decisions or doing anything at all — especially things that require focus.
4. You have a headache or other discomfort — for no physical reason. It’s true: stress can manifest physically in the body. (And physical stressors contribute to mental overwhelm, creating a cycle.) That means overwhelm can start with a headache, stomach ache, or other types of pain.
5. Every little thing starts to irritate you. Ever seen a kid get cranky because they need a nap? Yep, adults do it too. (Personally, this is the biggest sign of overwhelm that I fall into.)
6. You start obsessing over small things. Because overwhelm often feels like losing control, it’s common to cast about for anything you can control.
7. Ragequitting. I use this term figuratively, since it’s not actual rage. But the urge to just leave, walk off, or quit something — even something you care about — gets stronger and stronger as you get more overwhelmed.

Do you regularly experience some combination of these things? If so, keep reading; you can manage overwhelm. And it starts with knowing why it happens…

Why HSPs Get Overwhelmed Easily

The tendency to get overwhelmed is “part of the package” when you’re highly sensitive. Biologically, there are three big reasons HSPs get overwhelmed:

• You take in (and process) more detail than other people. This happens at the level of the brain and nervous system; HSPs are simply “fine tuned” for in-depth processing of every stimulus. That means a lot more work than other brains do.
• You feel emotions strongly. We often forget that our brains “paint” emotions into our experience. An autumn leaf that is merely pretty to one person, for example, may be highly sentimental to someone whose grandmother taught them to press leaves in a journal. But some brains use more emotional paint than others, and the highly sensitive brain is a prolific artist. It adds more emotional resonance to experiences, so that HSPs may perceive profound beauty in the sound of rain, hidden malice in a well-concealed sneer, or pure joy in giving a cat a treat.
• You care more. Brain studies also show that all the parts of the brain related to empathy are much more active in HSPs. This is true not only when you think about loved ones, but also strangers. In other words: your vivid emotions come hand-in-hand with a strong concern for others. As an HSP, you may feel a sense of responsibility or concern when others would not, and that extra caring can contribute to overwhelm.

All of this combines to take a huge mental toll, which means…

Overwhelm Is About Cognitive Fatigue — Not Weakness

Processing all that information and those strong feelings comes with a cost. It’s like a computer processing more information than it has memory for — it may slow down, not perform well, or even crash.

This is true for everyone. Brainpower, or cognitive energy, is a limited resource. And if we focus too hard, on too many things, for too long, we burn out. We get overwhelmed by processing it all.

And no one processes more information than HSPs — which means it’s no surprise that they get overwhelmed more easily.

How to Deal With Overwhelm

Being highly sensitive does not mean you have to spend your life on the edge of burnout. Here are three ways you can deal with overwhelm, or prevent it altogether.

1. Move away from stimuli

Overwhelm is, at its heart, caused by overstimulation. And there’s no cure more powerful than turning the stimuli off.

One way to do this is to simply take a break in a quiet place (if you’re trapped at work, you might spend some time sitting alone in a bathroom or go for a short walk), Likewise, soothing sensations help, from a hot shower to relaxing music to surrounding yourself with beauty and artwork.

You can also do this proactively. Most HSPs have a place that is their “refuge” (often a bedroom, art studio, garden, or other place they call their own), and that’s where they go when they need to retreat. But don’t wait until you’re already overwhelmed; make it a point to spend time in your refuge every day, or at least on a regular basis.

(And do it alone. For HSPs, the presence of other people — even if they’re being quiet or doing their own thing — is like an app running in the background, taking up valuable mental energy.)

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

2. Set boundaries

The two biggest pitfalls that HSPs fall into are not setting healthy personal boundaries, and saying yes when you really mean to say no. Both of these happen because HSPs care deeply about others. Unfortunately, both of them also contribute to overwhelm.

If you feel consistently overwhelmed in your life, or in certain situations, ask yourself: Am I doing too much? Am I taking responsibility for things that aren’t really my problem? Am I getting my own needs met? Most importantly: Is there anyone in my life who consistently fails to respect my boundaries?

Depending on the answer, that may mean it’s time to learn how to set healthy boundaries, disconnect from toxic relationships, or start prioritizing your own needs.

3. Separate yourself from overwhelming emotions

Because HSPs have strong emotions, emotional processing is also a common cause of overwhelm. And, since HSPs tend to “absorb” the emotions of others, sometimes it’s not even their own feelings that cause it.

That means that the simple act of separating your own emotions from those of others can go a long way toward combatting overwhelm, both in the moment and before it starts. (It also helps make your life more peaceful in general.)

It also helps if you deal with negative emotions like anger or sadness in a direct, purposeful manner — perhaps through journaling, artwork, therapy, or even crying it out.

Highly Sensitive Person, You Do Not Have to Feel Overwhelmed

For many highly sensitive people, overwhelm feels like just part of the deal. And it is something that every HSP deals with. But it doesn’t have to be this way. It is possible to develop habits that keep it to a minimum — or, in many cases, avoid it entirely. When you do, you free yourself to start living your best life. Dear HSP, I’m rooting for you.

You might like:

• This Is the Difference Between a Highly Sensitive Brain and a ‘Typical’ Brain
• It’s Okay to Disconnect From Toxic People to Protect Yourself
• Why HSPs Burn Out So Quickly (and How to Get Relief)

This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in.

The post Why Do Highly Sensitive People Get Overwhelmed Easily? (And How to Fix It) appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

Inside the modern cafe with minimalist furniture, I order my coffee and sit down to write.

Not long into the writing sesh, quite incongruously to the surroundings, SoulJa Boy begins blasting from the speakers (I’m not exaggerating —  Crank That pulses through the cafe at near-nightclub status). Hipsters shift in their seats, some darting their eyes around the room, others pulling their summer beanies over their ears to block out the noise.   

Even with my headphones on, the background noise pierces through the bridge I’m trying to build between the paper and my purest thoughts.  Senses overwhelmed — particularly since I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP) who’s more aware of their environment — I elect a more cognitively simple task to engage in until the moment passes.

Four songs in though, it still hasn’t — so I relocate to the back patio.

Back here, in lieu of Soulja Boy, I hear sparrows chirping and the soft clack of my fingers against the keyboard. The air is fresh, and a calming breeze tussles my hair. Much more my jam.   

Senses no longer hijacked, I begin entering a  “flow state,” which is something we HSPs excel at. Suffice it to say, for highly sensitive people, our environments can make or break us.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Click here to subscribe!

What Is Environmental Psychology?

As a highly sensitive person who is definitely influenced by their environment, I began paying attention to the way environmental factors affect mood and productivity. I was inspired after taking an environmental psychology class while a student at  UC Davis. It was through this class that I also began to think about how modifying our environment can, in turn, improve our mental health. In fact, a  study conducted in 2010 found that “wives who consider their home cluttered had higher cortisol levels during the daytime.”

While an awareness of the field can be important for everyone’s well-being, this is especially true for HSPs, who are more sensitive to environmental stimuli. As John Montgomery, Ph.D., wrote in an article for  Psychology Today, “When we live in environments that are drastically different from the environments that we’re biologically adapted for, we become subject to various ‘evolutionary mismatch’ effects that can be extremely detrimental to our physical and emotional  health. Perhaps the most important consequence of this mismatch is that we become highly prone to being triggered repeatedly and unnecessarily into various states of ‘survival mode’ by our surroundings and circumstances.”

Factors from lighting to noise level to the comfort of furniture  can have a profound impact on well-being — especially for HSPs. 

4 Environmental Psychology Factors That Can Influence Highly Sensitive People

1. Noise level — too much can easily overstimulate HSPs

Julie Bjelland has done research on, and worked with, HSPs — and has found that we have more sensitivity to noise. To that end, one night inside a crowded bar, I found myself inadvertently pushed and shoved by taller bar-goers while I waited in line to get a drink. After finally getting one and returning to my table, I kept having to shout and repeat myself with my companion. The noise in the room had the effect of reducing our conversation to caveman language, and I found myself feeling frustrated.

So, my fellow HSPs, pay attention to your noise threshold. How much is the “right” amount? At what level do you begin to feel anxious? I’ve personally found that   too much noise can be overwhelming while just the right amount can enliven and pump energy into the interaction.

2. Lighting — many HSPs suffer from light sensitivity

In addition to writing, I work as a Spanish medical interpreter in various hospitals and clinics around the Bay Area. I find that when interpreting inside fluorescently lit rooms that have no windows, discomfort arises after more than 20 minutes, as I begin to feel like I’m inside a buzzing electrical box. I start to feel disconnected from the natural world, or like the patient and I are lab specimens inside a science experiment. Rooms with a window and natural lighting have me feeling much more at ease.  

Research, too, has found this to be true, highlighting that humans  have a strong need for safety and security, and that we look for those attributes in our environment — seeking physical comfort (i.e., an environment with the right temperature), and one that is psychologically comfortable, with a balance of familiarity and novelty.

Because many sensitive people suffer from light sensitivity, it’s good to assess what lighting you best function under and adjust your environment accordingly.

3. Proximity to the wall and window access 

Past experiences can predispose certain individuals to particular environmental triggers. For instance, many war veterans find that facing a wall while seated can spark claustrophobia, triggering visceral reminders of times during which they quite literally could not escape their physical surroundings. Conversely, facing a door or window while seated allows them to feel like they have a quick escape, should they need it.

I experienced something similar to this once at a cafe in San Jose. After having trouble relaxing back into the couch, I realized this was because its back was to the balcony.

It seems like there would be some evolutionary basis to this seemingly idiosyncratic preference. For instance, having a view of their entire surroundings protected our ancestors against potential predators, whereas when their backs were to everything, they were literally in a more vulnerable position.

Weird, Eleni. Do you really think a predator’s going to come attack you while you’re sitting there reading your Joan Didion book and drinking your cup of coffee?  I ask myself. Rationally, no. But the body sometimes follows a different logic than the mind does.

4. Ceiling height 

Look up. How high above your head is the ceiling? How are you feeling right now? What are you trying to accomplish?

I’ve found low ceilings promote the feeling of being enclosed, protected, and safe. With fewer distractions, I’m better equipped to concentrate.  A possible explanation for this is the cathedral effect, which is the relationship between perceived height of a ceiling and cognition. In other words, the perception of high ceilings enables creativity and free-thinking while low ceilings enable attention-to-detail and rational thinking. Research, too, has found this to be the case. Two associate professors believe the cognitive effects of ceiling space can be used to students’ advantages when they study. It will benefit them to go to a spacious area with high ceilings if they’re studying for something creative whereas it’s best to go to a smaller, more confined area if they have to complete a test.

 Higher ceilings, on the other hand, I’ve found work better for  creative tasks or unbridled “expansive thinking.” When I want to generate new ideas or get out of a creative rut, I head to cafes that have them. When I want to crack down, focus, and finish something, I settle into coffee shops that feel more like burrows.

It’s not always easy to gauge whether the cause for our discomfort is internal or external. When we’re off-balance for whatever reason, environmental factors that, under ordinary circumstances, may have been negligible suddenly become all too apparent and disruptive. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

Using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) To Help Feel More Comfortable in Various Environments

When we cannot escape our environment(s), a simple practice can help:  cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT helps people learn to identify (and challenge) maladaptive thought patterns. I was first introduced to CBT in therapy as a teenager, but didn’t begin applying it to my relationship with my tangible environment until years later, after I had an understanding of environmental psychology. 

When I’m having trouble sleeping, for instance, all of a sudden my bed may feel physically uncomfortable (even though it caused me no discomfort the night before). In this case, or if for whatever reason I can’t modify my environment, I’ll practice CBT.

Feelings aren’t always these vague, nebulous sensations that randomly take residence inside us. Many times, they’re the direct product of thoughts. Identifying those thoughts and working through them can, in turn, shift our feelings. 

An example:

I’m anxious right now. Why? Because I’m facing the wall.

What is it about facing the wall that  triggers your anxiety? I’m aware of the presence of people behind me and I can’t see what they’re doing, and that makes me feel vulnerable.

And then you can keep going with it. By doing so, you will shine light on the perceived threats and can disarm some of their power. Perhaps your mind will begin to see that the threat was exaggerated, or if not, at least begin to see them as less threatening.

If CBT Is Not Possible, Practice a Grounding Exercise

It may be inopportune or impossible to do such thorough self-analysis when directly in the moment, in which case a simple grounding exercise might suffice. In other words, direct your attention to your tangible environment.  Doing this is key for highly sensitive people since it’s so easy for us to feel overstimulated.

Naming objects and their physical characteristics inside the room (for example,  What color are the walls? Lime-green) can bring you out of your head. Now busy thinking of them, the mind replaces inward-based rumination with outward observation of concrete details.

If we compare the mind to a beehive, grounding exercises are like the flute that lulls the bees to sleep. More generally, take note of what you like about a place, and make a point of returning to environments with similar qualities. This will also help  prevent your highly sensitive soul from getting too overstimulated.

Pay attention both to your surroundings and to how you’re feeling. In what way are the chairs positioned? How close are you to a window? For instance, in one  study, when participants were closer to the window in a VR setting,  decreases in physiological stress levels were found. 

See if you can link some of these environmental factors with any anxiety, claustrophobia, or sudden lethargy you may be experiencing. When you’re calm and present, notice that, too. 

Journaling is also a helpful way for HSPs to process things, so it can help to write your environmental observations down. Here’s an example from when I did that in response to a positive experience at a cafe:

“The balance is optimal — sequenced enough that I don’t feel chaotic, overstimulated, or like things are out of control — but also with enough life to inspire me and keep the thoughts flowing. The visual variety imbues the coffee shop with its intrigue and personality. People may be less likely to think, ‘The world is boring and limiting and you always know what to expect’ when inside here. Oftentimes, loud conversation, jarring fluorescent lighting, and a high ‘person to empty space ratio’ severs the cord connecting me with my thoughts — but that wasn’t the case here.”

As an HSP, Always Stay Mindful of Your Environment

Many of us HSPs have preferences and subtle triggers, even if we’re not aware of what they are specifically. We can become more conscious in selecting a “perfect” environment once we’ve identified them.

The goal is not to hyper-focus on  every small detail and become stubborn or rigid about the environments we choose to place ourselves in. Rather, it’s to be mindful so that when we do have the option to either choose or modify our environment, we’ll be equipped to make the changes that best serve us.

Personally, I’d love to see an app called “Got Your Back, HSP” that could track how many people are currently inside a given place. It could also alert you to the current decibel rate, availability of comfy chairs, and the proximity of those comfy chairs to loud groups. Maybe someday… In the meantime, I’ll keep taking my advice above and hope you do, too.

Want to get one-on-one help from a trained therapist? We’ve personally used and recommend BetterHelp for therapy with real benefits for HSPs. It’s private, affordable, and takes place online. BONUS: As a Sensitive Refuge reader, you get 10% off your first month. Click here to learn more.

We receive compensation from BetterHelp when you use our referral link. We only recommend products we believe in.

You might like:

• Why Your Physical Environment Is So Important If You’re an HSP
• How Practicing a ‘Flow State’ Is Revolutionary for HSPs
• Here’s Everything Researchers Know About High Sensitivity, as of 2021

The post Why a Little Bit of Environmental Psychology Can Be Life-Changing for HSPs appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

HSPs, did you know there are actually three different “types” of highly sensitive people? 

For a long time, sensitivity was seen as a single, unified trait — either you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP) or you’re not. Research strongly suggests, however, that there’s a lot of variation within HSPs, so much so that highly sensitive people may fall into three different groups or “types.” 

Each of the types has its own strengths and drawbacks, and each one can tell you a lot about yourself and how to harness your sensitivity to thrive. 

Here’s what researchers have to say about the three types of highly sensitive people, and how to tell which one — or ones — you are.

How Did Researchers Discover the Three ‘Types’ of HSPs?

In the late 1990s, sensitivity researcher Elaine Aron developed the HSP Scale, a test that is still used today to assess how sensitive a person is. In Aron’s original theory, high sensitivity was a single trait that comprised many kinds of sensitivities — for example, the same person who is sensitive to caffeine or hunger will likely also be sensitive to emotions and moods. Since early data seemed to support this view, the HSP Scale included questions related to many kinds of sensitivity. If a person checked enough boxes — of any kind — they scored as highly sensitive.

As sensitivity researchers began to work with larger sample sizes, however, they noticed a pattern: People’s answers on the HSP scale tended to cluster around certain groups of questions. 

For example, a person who is sensitive to hunger might indeed also be sensitive to caffeine, but not as much to emotions. Meanwhile, another person might strongly agree with all the questions related to emotions — both their own and those of others — but not with the questions about physical sensations. Both could score as highly sensitive, yet they seemed to be reporting very different experiences.

It was neuropsychologist Kathy Smolewska who first brought these differences to light. In a 2006 paper, Smolewska and her colleagues identified three distinct patterns in how people responded to the HSP Scale, representing three different styles of sensitivity. Today, researchers including Aron have largely accepted this finding, and refer to it as the three “subscales” of the HSP Scale. 

The three subscales are: 

• Ease of Excitation (having strong reactions to things, especially emotions)
• Low Sensory Threshold (being highly aware of sensory sensations), and 
• Aesthetic Sensitivity (a deep attunement to art and beauty). 

Any given highly sensitive person might fit one, two, or all three of the subscales. Thus, you can think of them as representing three styles or “types” of HSPs.

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What Are the Three ‘Types’ of Highly Sensitive People?

In our book, Sensitive, my co-author Jenn Granneman and I decided to give the three types of HSPs nicknames, to make them easier to understand: the “super sensor” (Ease of Excitation), the “super feeler” (Low Sensory Threshold) and the “aesthete” (Aesthetic Sensitivity).

Below are each of the three types and how to tell if you fit that type. Remember, you might not just be one type — some HSPs fit more than one!

1. The “Super Sensor” (Low Sensory Threshold)

Super sensors are HSPs who score high for the Low Sensory Threshold subscale, meaning they are highly aware of their external, sensory environment. If you’re a super sensor, it means you do not filter out as much information about your surroundings, instead noticing every little detail with all five senses — hearing, sight, touch, taste, and smell. This makes super sensors so perceptive that, at times, it may seem you like have “super hearing” or other “super” senses. In reality, your eyes and ears are no sharper than anyone else’s — it’s just that you pay more attention to what they pick up. 

Signs You’re a Super Sensor

Signs you are a super sensor include:

• You are particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine, medications, recreational drugs, or alcohol
• You struggle to tolerate loud noises, strong smells or bright lights
• You are very sensitive to the texture of the fabric in your clothing
• You notice sounds, smells or subtle details that other people don’t seem to be aware of
• You get overwhelmed in crowded or chaotic spaces
• You feel nervous or on-edge when a lot is happening around you
• Loud, aggressive, and violent media bothers you

Super Sensor Strengths 

Being a super sensor comes with many strengths. Super sensors tend to be highly observant, which can make them excellent at detail-oriented tasks like accounting, coding, or the fine arts. If you’re inclined toward sports, you may find that your super-sensing gives you terrific “field vision” — the ability to remain aware of every player on the field or rink, like you have eyes in the back of your head. (In our book Sensitive, we argue that sports legends Wayne Gretsky and Tom Brady are both HSPs — and likely super sensors.) 

Being a super sensor may also give you greater situational awareness, meaning you notice indicators of a problem or threat before anyone else does — a skill that can save lives. Hospitals actually train their staff on situational awareness so they notice when something is going wrong with a patient, but super sensor HSPs may be naturally good at it.

Super Sensor Challenges

Super sensors also face challenges. For one, having keen senses isn’t always fun. (As one super sensor who had a particularly strong sense of smell told me, “It’s the worst superpower ever.” He worked in a gym.) The biggest, though, is likely overstimulation. Super sensors get overloaded by external sensations, especially when they’re extreme (like yelling) or there are too many at once (like a crowded, chaotic event). If you’re a super sensor, the best thing you can do for your self care is to control your physical environment as much as you can, and make time to sit alone in quiet or dark places to “de-stimulate.” 

2. The “Super Feeler” (Ease of Excitation)

Super feelers are HSPs who score high for Ease of Excitation. This means they tend to have strong responses to stimuli of all kinds, whether it be internal (like hunger or pain) or external (like the weather). Often, this means means having stronger emotional responses, and super feelers tend to be highly aware of and attuned to the emotions of themselves and others. The archetypal HSP who absorbs people’s emotions and may be an empath is likely a super feeler. 

Super feelers have a special relationship with emotions and can seem to channel or embody them. (Actress Nicole Kidman, a self-avowed HSP, says that “Most actors are highly sensitive people,” perhaps because of this ability to channel emotions. When Kidman acted in an abuse scene for the show Big Little Lies, she says it was so emotional for her that she had to just lie down on the set with a towel covering her, unable to speak. It was almost as if she had lived through the abuse herself, rather than acting it.) This emotionality is the source of both a super feeler’s greatest strengths and their biggest challenges.

Signs You’re a Super Feeler

Signs you are a super feeler include:

• You are affected by the moods and emotions of others
• You’re easily startled 
• You tend to be more sensitive to pain, almost as if it hurts “more” for your than it may for others
• You have a strong sense of empathy
• You feel overwhelmed when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time
• You tend to be conscientious about doing things right, avoiding mistakes, and being on time
• You worry whether you’re doing a good job and feel guilty if you’re not
• You have a strong reaction to hunger, so that it’s nearly impossible to ignore
• You worry a lot or overthink things
• You get very self-conscious when being observed while you do something, so much so that you actually do worse at it. 
• You take great efforts to avoid conflict and upsetting or overwhelming situations.

Strengths of Super Feelers

Strengths of super feelers include their incredible ability to read other people and sense what they are feeling. They often have a very strong sense of empathy, even by HSP standards, and if they harness this empathy by practicing compassion they can be a force for change in their own lives, the lives of those around them, and the world. Similarly, if they practice emotional intelligence, a super feeler has a tremendous ability to unite people and get things done. They can be very passionate, inspiring individuals who know how to make each person feel at home, listen to everyone’s needs and perspective, and find solutions that work for all. With practice, super feeler HSPs can become great leaders. 

Challenges of Super Feelers

The biggest challenge that super feelers face is the sheer power of their emotional reactions — especially when it comes to negative emotions. For a super feeler, anger or sadness can feel all-consuming, and it can be hard to remember that the emotion will pass. They may get overwhelmed, much like a super sensor, but rather than sensory overstimulation the cause is more likely to be emotional overload. In some cases a super feeler may even feel “stuck” in an emotion and unable to move on from it. This is exacerbated by the fact that super-feelers often take on the emotions of others, not just their own, so they may find themselves feeling stressed or upset and not even know why. 

Super feelers do best when they practice emotional regulation and work on identifying cognitive distortions so they can stop being afraid of their emotions and start to harness them instead. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

3. The Aesthete (Aesthetic Sensitivity)

Aesthetes are HSPs who score high for Aesthetic Sensitivity. That means you are highly attuned to art, beauty, and the way our physical surroundings influence us. For example, you might be a foodie, always trying to refine a recipe to get just the right melange of flavors. Or you may be a natural interior decorator, fashionista, landscaper, or artist, intuitively sensing which combination of things will look just right. Above all, you have an emotional reaction to artwork and beauty, whether it is natural (like an autumn tree with golden leaves) or human made (like van Gogh’s Starry Night). 

Signs You’re an Aesthete

Signs you are an aesthete include:

• You are deeply moved by artwork and music, and may have a strong emotional response to certain pieces
• You are strongly affected by the “vibe” of a place
• You have a rich, complex inner life. You may daydream often, journal regularly, or spend long periods of time just thinking. 
• You have a vivid imagination.
• You notice and enjoy delicate flavors, sounds, scents, and artistic touches
• You seem to appreciate artwork, literature, or music on a deeper level than others
• You have a hard time focusing and working in a space does not have the right “feel” and look
• You are very open to new ideas and experiences

Strengths of Aesthetes

Aesthetes tend to be highly creative, perhaps fitting the image of the “sensitive artist” or the “reclusive writer.” They are the types of HSPs who can produce striking work and seem to intuitively understand what makes a song, story, or work of art compelling. Aesthetes often have an excellent visual sense, turning even their everyday outfits or their office cubicle into a canvas for subtle, tasteful flourishes. At times, they can even use this power to help others: If you’re an aesthete, you’ve probably noticed that you have a sixth sense for what makes a space seem “off” and how to fix it to be comfortable and inviting to everyone. 

Notably, aesthetes tend to score higher for the personality trait of Openness, which involves being receptive to new ideas and experiences. Not all HSPs score higher than average for this trait, and many HSPs are very cautious about new things, but aesthete HSPs tend to be open-minded and even experimental. 

Challenges of Aesthetes 

Little research has been done on the specific challenges faced by those who are aesthetically sensitive — and unlike the other two “types” of sensitivity, it is not as strongly linked to neuroticism. However, one of the biggest pain points I have heard from sensitive creatives is that their aesthetic ability itself is not valued. Many creatively-inclined HSPs find that little attention is paid to beauty or artistry in everyday life; that most products — including most décor — are as aesthetically neutral as possible; that corporate and public spaces are often left in a bland, uninspiring state (either to save cost or to guarantee they are inoffensive); and that the work of even highly trained professional artists is often underpaid and undervalued. 

There is no simple fix to make the world see the value of art, but as an aesthete HSP myself, I focus on what I can control: I curate my home, my writing space, and my daily habits to surround myself with as much beauty as possible, from my houseplants to the route I take for my afternoon walks. I cook unnecessarily elaborate meals and share them with friends. And I look for interesting, quirky, creative misfits who fill my mind with the sparks of new ideas. We can’t all live in Montmartre, but we can all make a Montmartre of our lives.

How to Use Your ‘Type’ to Help You Thrive

Understanding which “type” (or types) of HSP you are can be meaningful and help you better understand yourself. But to get the most out of it, there are three things you need to remember:

• Many HSPs are a mix of the the types. Even though people tend to group around the types, their answers on the HSP scale are rarely a clean, “all of this type, none of that type.” Most HSPs have elements of two or all three of the types, even if one type is more dominant for them. Researchers have yet to confirm whether your type is determined more by genetic or more by your life experiences, but the answer is likely that it’s a mix of both. As an HSP, you can likely tap into the strengths of all of the types if you try — you are not confined to just one.
• All of the types are powered by the same deep-processing brain. The best theory we have to explain the trait of sensitivity is still Aron’s theory that highly sensitive people are wired to process information more deeply at a brain level, and there is evidence to support this. That depth of processing, in turn, would explains all of the types. A deeper-processing brain is one that spends more time, attention, and mental energy on incoming information, whether that be related to sensations (super sensors), emotions and implications (super feelers), or beauty and meaning (aesthetes). The fact that a deep-processing brain may learn to specialize in one of these types of information is unsurprising, as some information may prove more useful over the course of a given person’s life experiences.
• None of the types is better than the others, and all have strengths and growth points. All HSPs share certain characteristics: All can end up mentally fatigued or overwhelmed if their deep-processing brain is overloaded. All will struggle more with stressful environments, but benefit more than less-sensitive people from healthy and supportive environments. All can harness the sensitive Boost Effect to radically improve their lives. Understanding the type or types that best fit you is a nice starting point to identifying your strengths and the biggest growth points you might want to focus on. Look at it as a jumping-off point for personal development.

HSPs, which type — or types — do you think fit you the best?

You Might Like:

• This Is Why You Absorb Other People’s Emotions, According to Science
• What Is ‘Aesthetic Sensitivity,’ and Why Is It So Important for HSPs?
• 11 ‘Little’ Things That Overwhelm Highly Sensitive People

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The post There Are 3 ‘Types’ of HSPs. Which One Are You? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you may already know that high sensitivity is often compared to autism. This can be surprising — the signs of the two traits are very different. However, both have been treated very similarly by the general public. Just as autism is now increasingly seen as a healthy trait, being an HSP is not a disorder, and it’s a trait found in up to 20 percent of the population. Both traits also come with a ton of advantages. In the case of high sensitivity, that includes empathy, compassion, creativity, and the intuitive ability to see connections that others miss. 

The similarities go deeper than that, however. For example, both autism and being an HSP can involve extreme sensitivity to your environment. Any highly sensitive person understands what it’s like to have the world “turned up too loud,” and many autistic individuals have that same experience—especially about seemingly “small” stimuli, like the rub of clothing texture or an intrusive noise.

Likewise, both HSPs and individuals with autism tend to get overwhelmed by environmental stimuli. Autistic children, for example, may panic, have a tantrum, or “shut down” in response to overwhelming stimuli, and many HSP children will do the same thing when they get overstimulated, especially if their parents haven’t taught them good strategies to avoid overwhelm.

But, despite those similarities — and despite the fact that a person can be both highly sensitive and autistic — the traits are two different things.

Not only that, but a recent study shows they are profoundly different — and that high sensitivity is also unrelated to various disorders, such as schizophrenia and PTSD. It suggests that being a highly sensitive person is a normal, healthy trait.

Here’s what the study found, and what it means for highly sensitive people.

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What Makes Autism Different From High Sensitivity?

The study, led by Bianca Acevedo of the Neuroscience Research Institute of the University of California, is an exhaustive analysis of 27 papers comparing high sensitivity, autism, and other conditions. (You can read the full study here.) It refers to high sensitivity by its formal name, Sensory Processing Sensitivity or SPS.

The study also refers to autism as Autism Spectrum Disorder, and uses some language that I think many autistic people would disagree with. I’ll just say up front that many people argue that autism is highly advantageous and should not be classified as a disorder at all; a fair amount of research agrees, including evidence that autism may correlate with high intelligence.

Acevedo and her team found three major differences between SPS and autism:

1. Autism comes with “social deficits”; high sensitivity does not.

Acevedo’s research noted that autism comes hand-in-hand with so called “social deficits,” such as difficulty making eye contact, recognizing faces, responding to others’ emotional cues, and reciprocating another person’s intentions — think of smiling back at someone who smiles at you. (An alternative view of these “deficits” might be that autistic people do not follow the often disingenuous social conventions of neurotypical people.) These social differences are obvious in autistic children as early as two or three months of age, and they’re directly tied to how an autistic person’s brain works — they tend to show less response in brain areas associated with social cues and self-reflection. One reason for this may be that autistic individuals have very different body language than neurotypical individuals, and they don’t get to “mirror” people with their own body language nearly as much as neurotypical children do. In other words, this so-called “deficit” may be much more of a lack of opportunity than an innate part of autism.

For SPS or high sensitivity, exactly the opposite is true. Rather than showing social “deficits,” highly sensitive people tend to be extra responsive to social cues, facial expressions, and the intentions of others. Likewise, the same areas of the brain that are less responsive among autistic individuals tend to be highly active for HSPs, who present high levels of empathy, social awareness, and self-reflection.

2. For highly sensitive people, social situations are (extra) rewarding.

Human beings in general are wired to find social interactions rewarding. This encourages us to form strong bonds, help each other out, and cooperate with one another; it’s always been a key to our survival. Highly sensitive people are no exception, and may respond even more strongly to social interactions than others do — feeling anywhere from calmed to downright jubilant about a positive interaction.

People with autism experience social interactions differently. For them, Acevedo’s study points out, there simply isn’t as much of a sense of reward, calmness, or emotion involved in socializing. An exchange with another person may get their attention, but not necessarily feel meaningful. The study says this further affects their ability to respond appropriately to others.

Interpretation matters a lot here. To be clear, autistic individuals can and do form deep, meaningful relationships like anyone else, and they have no shortage of empathy. The difference is in how rewarding they find social interaction in its own right. Whereas it’s extra-rewarding for HSPs, it is less inherently rewarding for autistic people.

3. Their brains handle stimuli in dramatically different ways.

Given that both HSPs and autistic individuals can be extremely sensitive to stimuli, it’s no surprise that they do share some areas of high brain activity in common — specifically areas related to attention and reacting (physically or mentally) to stimuli. But that’s about were the similarities in brain activity end.

The highly sensitive brain, for example, shows higher-than-typical levels of activity in areas related to calmness, hormonal balance, self-control, and even self-reflective thinking (the ability to process one’s own actions and feelings and come to deeper conclusions about them). These go hand in hand with the greater level of empathy and depth of processing that define high sensitivity. All of these are either positive, useful traits or can be good or bad depending on the situation.

And all of them contrast starkly with the autistic brain, which Acevedo found to be less active when it comes to the brain regions related to calmness, emotion, and sociability. 

Brain-Training for the Highly Sensitive Person 

Highly sensitive people have brain differences that make us more susceptible to high stress, overwhelm and even anxiety.

But what if you could retrain your brain?

This exceptional online course was created specifically for HSPs by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. Julie draws on cutting-edge scientific research, years of gentle work with HSP clients, and her own experience as a highly sensitive person. The result is one of the most effective, transformative courses we’ve seen.

In this course, you will learn to:

• Feel more in control of your emotions and be able to pause, reflect and respond — instead of react
• Have more energy, even creating extra “brain space” to get the creative center in your brain flowing
• Sleep better and wake up feeling refreshed and positive
• Get your needs met — without the guilt
• Finally feel calm in situations that used to make you feel anxious or overwhelmed

This is one of the most popular courses Julie offers for HSPs — don’t miss out. Sign up today.

High Sensitivity Is Unrelated to Mental Health Disorders, Too

High sensitivity is also sometimes compared — wrongly — to various mental health disorders. The big ones are schizophrenia and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These two conditions have little in common on the surface (with each other or with being an HSP), but all of them can involve increased sensitivity to sensory stimuli.

Acevedo and her colleagues delved into these disorders, too — and it turns out that none of them are connected to high sensitivity.

For starters, schizophrenia shares even less with high sensitivity than autism does. Like autism, it comes without any of the increased empathy or self-reflection that HSPs exhibit, and unlike autism, it has almost no brain activity in common with high sensitivity. (Also, although not mentioned in the study, unmanaged schizophrenia almost inevitably causes major problems in a person’s life and relationships; high sensitivity does not.)

PTSD is a bit trickier, because highly sensitive people may be at higher risk of developing PTSD if they go through some kind of trauma. But PTSD patients show none of the enhanced activity in areas related to calmness, self-control, or social awareness that highly sensitive people show, and suffer a variety of symptoms that HSPs without trauma do not. Disruptions in a PTSD sufferer’s brain, for example, tend to affect their memory and their ability to integrate new information. These abilities — and the capacity to process information in general — are actually strong points for a highly sensitive person.

Perhaps most strikingly, high sensitivity is a trait that is with a person from birth, and is healthy in most people. PTSD is something that develops only in response to traumatic circumstances.

High Sensitivity May Be an Evolutionary Advantage

Scientifically, it makes sense why researchers would look for a connection between these various traits and disorders. After all, if they all involve some kind of increased sensitivity, it’s worth checking whether they work the same way in the brain — especially if that could help people.

What’s fascinating about this research, however, isn’t just that it reaffirms that being a highly sensitive person is “healthy” and “normal.” Frankly, if you’ve spent any time talking to HSPs, you probably could have seen that one coming.

No, what’s interesting is what else this study suggests. At every step, it practically trips over the fact that high sensitivity is strongly beneficial. Being an HSP comes with heightened activity in useful brain regions; strong association with desirable personality traits; and even a tendency toward positive, useful, prosocial behavior.

I think the study’s own conclusion says it best:

“We suggest that adaptive SPS strategies involving empathy, awareness, calmness and physiological and cognitive self-control may serve a species by facilitating deep integration and memory for environmental and social information, which may ultimately foster survival, well-being and cooperation.”

In other words, your high sensitivity might be an evolutionary advantage — one that helps our entire species.

You might like:

• These 3 Sets of Genes Make You an HSP
• 27 Things You Do Because You’re a Highly Sensitive Person
• 8 Reasons Why Gentle Discipline Works Best With the Highly Sensitive Child

The post Is Being a Highly Sensitive Person the Same as Having Autism? appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

People often lump introverts, empaths, and highly sensitive people together. Although they share some similar traits, they’re each quite different. So what is the difference — and do you see yourself fitting into one or more of these categories? Let’s take a look.

Introverts

There’s been a lot of awareness-raising about introverts lately, and most people now understand that being an introvert doesn’t necessarily make you shy or unsociable. In fact, many introverts are social people who love spending time with a few close friends. But introverts get drained quickly in those social situations, and need plenty of time alone in order to recharge their energy. That’s why introverts often prefer to stay in, or spend time with just one or two people rather than a big group.

Being an introvert is genetic, and it involves differences in how the brain processes dopamine, the “reward” chemical. People who are born as introverts simply don’t feel as rewarded by external stimuli such as parties or chitchat, and as a result, they get worn out in those situations relatively quickly. On the other hand, many introverts draw deep satisfaction from meaningful activities like reading, creative hobbies, and quiet contemplation.

If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you’re much more likely to be an introvert than an extrovert. Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, estimates that about 70 percent of HSPs are also introverts — so it makes sense why they’re often confused for one another. A highly sensitive introvert may come across as very observant, caring, emotional, and able to read others well — even though people exhaust them!

Nevertheless, you can be an introvert and not be highly sensitive. This would look like being less “in tune” with people, because for HSPs, the brightest thing on their radar is other people! It may also mean being less stressed by certain types of stimulation, such as time pressure, violent movie scenes, repetitive noises, etc. — even though you still need plenty of alone time.

Additionally:

• About 30 to 50 percent of the population are introverts
• Some introverts are neither empaths nor highly sensitive people
• Introversion is a well-studied personality trait that’s separate from the other two.

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Empaths

The word “empath” has been taking on a new meaning lately. At one point, it was used mostly in science fiction to describe a person with paranormal abilities to understand the mental and emotional states of others. Although many people still associate empaths with a spiritual component, today the word has become more mainstream. Now it’s commonly used to mean someone who is extremely aware of the emotions of those around them.

Here’s what that looks like. Empaths would say they’re not just “noticing” others’ feelings; the experience is often one of absorbing their emotions. It’s as if empaths feel others’ emotions right alongside them. And, according to Dr. Judith Orloff, author of The Empath’s Survival Guide, this may even include physical symptoms. When overwhelmed with stressful emotions, empaths may experience panic attacks, depression, chronic fatigue, and physical symptoms that defy traditional medical diagnosis, she writes.

For empaths, this ability is both a gift and a curse. It can be hard because many empaths feel they cannot “turn it off,” or it takes them years to develop ways to turn it down when needed. As a result, empaths can find themselves going from perfectly happy to overwhelmed with stress, anxiety, or other feelings simply because someone else walked into the room.

At the same time, an empath’s ability to absorb feelings is their greatest strength. It allows them to understand others and connect deeply with them. It’s also what makes them extraordinary caretakers, friends, and partners — especially when others understand and appreciate their gift.

Similar to HSPs, empaths also have highly tuned senses, strong intuitive abilities, and can need time alone to decompress, according to Orloff.

• Empaths can be introverts or extroverts
• “Absorbing” emotions most likely happens by picking up on subtle social/emotional cues and then internalizing them — an unconscious process that empaths often can’t control
• Many empaths are likely highly sensitive people

Highly Sensitive People

Like introverts and empaths, highly sensitive people are often misunderstood. It’s common to use the word “sensitive” as if it’s a bad thing, which means HSPs sometimes get a bad rap. But the truth is, being highly sensitive simply means you process more information about the world around you than others do. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “easily offended” or you cry at the drop of a hat.

For HSPs, that means:

• Processing things very deeply and noticing connections that others don’t notice
• Sometimes becoming overwhelmed or overstimulated because your brain is processing so much input (especially in highly stimulating environments like a party or busy classroom)
• Picking up on emotional cues, like empaths, and feeling a deep degree of empathy for others
• Noticing small and subtle things that others often overlook (like textures and faint noises)

In other words, being highly sensitive has an emotional dimension to it, and many HSPs would qualify as empaths — they tend to feel the emotions of others just like empaths do. At the same time, being an HSP also involves being more sensitive to all sensory input, not just emotions. HSPs can become overwhelmed in situations that are simply too noisy, crowded, or fast-paced, whether there are specific emotions to deal with or not.

Like introversion, high sensitivity has been well studied. It’s largely genetic and involves several unique differences in the brain. It’s also a healthy, normal trait shared by up to 20 percent of the population.

• HSPs can be introverts or extroverts
• It’s likely that most (if not all) HSPs are also empaths
• Empaths and HSPs may turn out to be two sides of a single trait as empaths are studied more

Are you an HSP? Check out these 21 signs of a highly sensitive person.

The Overlap Between Introverts, Empaths, and HSPs

There can be overlaps between these traits, but there doesn’t have to be. A person can be all three — an introverted, highly sensitive empath — or they can be any one or two of them. These are, after all, personality traits, and everyone’s personality is unique.

As a rule, however, it is likely that most empaths are highly sensitive people. Many of the traits we ascribe to empaths are just the traits of HSPs by a different name. Not every HSP that they “absorb” the emotions of others; but those who do are probably empaths.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

The Opposite of an Introvert, Empath, or HSP

The opposite of an introvert is an extrovert. Extroverts are sometimes said to get their energy from social situations. They have a much longer “social battery” than introverts, and their brains are wired to get a great deal of satisfaction from these situations.

The opposite of empathy or high sensitivity is sometimes said to be narcissism, but that’s simply not true. Just as being highly sensitive (or empathic) is healthy, being less so can be a healthy trait as well. Less sensitive people simply aren’t as impacted by the stimuli around them. Just as high sensitivity can be extremely valuable in certain situations, being less sensitive can also be valuable — particularly in loud, demanding environments like industrial work sites, the military, and others. These individuals are not necessarily narcissistic or selfish.

All personality traits exist for a reason. Introversion, empathy, and high sensitivity are all valuable, advantageous traits. And the human species does best when we have a diverse population with many different perspectives. It all depends on the situations you find yourself in and how well you learn to use your personality’s natural strengths.

Are you an introvert, empath, or a highly sensitive person — or several of those? Please leave me a comment below and share your thoughts.

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The post The Difference Between Introverts, Empaths, and Highly Sensitive People appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

I used to feel overwhelmed all the time. You see, I didn’t know I was a highly sensitive person (HSP) until I was well into my 20s. Before then, I thought I was broken or had some kind of disorder.

Growing up, I was told I was overreactive, melodramatic, and attention-seeking. Being told that my responses and experiences weren’t valid was a strange form of gaslighting, a form of manipulation where your sanity or version of reality is questioned. So I began to doubt myself. I wondered things like:

Why can’t I cope like other people do?

How does everyone else just coast through life?

Why aren’t other people upset by the things I find upsetting?

It remained a mystery to me for years.Throughout my teens and 20s, I struggled with anxiety, depression, and burnout. I tried to fit in by hiding my sensitive nature. But it only made my mental health worse.

I yearned to be a calm person. I still do. And day by day, I think I’m getting better at becoming calm. Learning more about the neurobiology of being a highly sensitive person has really helped. Here’s what I’ve learned and I hope it can help you just as much.

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The Biology of High Sensitivity    

The scientific term for being highly sensitive is sensory processing sensitivity. And one of the key traits of high sensitivity is “depth of processing.” The nervous system of an HSP literally processes information deeper — even at rest (!). This means that both internal and external cues — like temperature, pain, emotions, thoughts, and even loud noises — penetrate more deeply and take longer to work through. Imagine a computer running 20 percent harder and longer than a regular computer. Which one do you think is more likely to burn out?! It’s the same for highly sensitive people: all the subtle details we notice; all the extra information we process, all the unsuitable environments we have to endure. It’s a lot. And it’s stressful.

Which is why being a sensitive person sometimes means it can be really hard to calm down.

Why Calming Down Is So Hard

There is one word that will help you understand so much about your mind and body. With this one word, you’ll realize that you are not wrong or broken. You are not an anxious wreck. Your feelings of overwhelm are not your fault. They are innate biological responses that have kept you safe in the face of stress. And that word? Dysregulation.

Dysregulation is the “chronic activation of the nervous system and here’s how it works. There are two components to your nervous system: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous system. As Harvard Medical School puts it:

“The sympathetic nervous system functions like a gas pedal in a car. It provides the body with a burst of energy so that it can respond to perceived dangers. The parasympathetic nervous system acts like a brake. It calms the body down after the danger has passed.”

A healthy nervous system manages or regulates this energy well. When you’re well-regulated, you can easily shift from stress to calm. Which means a dysregulated nervous system is one that has been inundated by stress and trauma. It gets “stuck” in hypervigilance, anxiety, and overwhelm. Over time, chronic dysregulation leads to burnout and exhaustion; and HSPs already experience burnout and exhaustion more easily anyway.

Because we sensitive types process information deeply, we are more susceptible to dysregulation. So how do you go from being dysregulated to well-regulated? How do you learn to shift more easily from stress to calm? Basically, it takes practice…

Calm Is a Learned Skill

Calm is a function of the parasympathetic nervous system. That’s the soothing arm of the nervous system, the brake in the car analogy. And activating this calm is a learned skill.

In infancy, this skill is called co-regulation. An attentive caregiver soothes a child in distress, helping them experience calmness. This soothing regulates a child’s nervous system. Over time, with consistent co-regulation, a child will grow up learning to self-soothe or self-regulate.

However, we can have trouble regulating our own nervous systems if we haven’t been shown how to. Even if you had loving parents and a stable home environment, you may not have been given successful self-regulation skills. Our parents are fallible human beings. They may not have always been present and attentive. They also may have struggled to self-regulate themselves.

The good news is, you can teach yourself to self-regulate through practice. Your brain and nervous system are highly adaptable. Which means you can learn to become calm. 

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

How to Become Calm

Simply put, you develop the skill of calmness when you practice experiencing calmness. Anything that will help you soothe your nervous system and slow down will help you become calm. This will vary from person to person, but some go-to ideas to try include:

• Deep belly breathing
• A weighted blanket, which has been shown to help quell anxiety
• A warm shower or bath
• Gentle stretching
• A nice cup of tea
• Hugging a loved one
• Patting a beloved pet
• Time in nature

If you are struggling deeply with feelings of anxiety or overwhelm, it’s also important to reach out to someone, whether it’s a trusted friend or professional — you may need the support of a trauma-informed therapist and/or medication. There is no shame in receiving assistance to help your nervous system calm down.

Why Calming Down Matters

As I said before, being a highly sensitive person isn’t always easy. We live in a chaotic world that doesn’t value neurodiversity — which is exactly why learning how to calm down is so important.

Calm isn’t just a lovely feeling. And out of all the scientific benefits of calm, there’s one that really stands out: Resilience. When you are resilient, you can recover more easily from setbacks and stress. You’re able to cope better. You can embrace a deep and meaningful life. You can do the things that matter to you.

These days, I see my high sensitivity as a blessing instead of a curse. Being an HSP is one of the best things about me. It brings me so much creativity, love, and joy. And even though I wish I could go back and teach my younger self how to become more calm and resilient, the next best thing I can do is practice becoming calm today. And so can you.

Want to experience effortless calm? Meditones® make you calm without you having to do a thing. Discover how with a FREE trial of the Seekers’ Sanctuary today!

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The post The Science of How to Calm the Heck Down appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.

At an artists’ retreat in the small village of Hämeenkyrö, Finland, on an old leather couch, in a room that was once a school, I lie with my hands over my heart. It was mid-January, the room dimly lit by soft lamps as the snow drifted steadily down.

I had spent the day in a silent retreat, along with the other attendees. Nodding quietly to each other as we passed in the kitchen. But never speaking.

After a rich full day of quiet introspection in my bedroom, I was drawn to the sounds of exquisite music floating up through the floorboards.

I went down into the communal living room to discover a fellow resident playing his favorite tracks over the speakers. I laid down on the couch and surrendered to the sound.

There were long, patient, ambient tracks that sunk me deeper into the couch. There were neo-classical masterpieces that left my heart soaring.

By the end, I felt like my rib cage had been rung like a giant bell, with all the music reverberating around my chest. A profound sense of peace, clarity, and inspiration welled up inside me.

This is the power of calming music for a highly sensitive person.

And it’s not just me. Researchers, too, have demonstrated that music has a powerful effect on our bodies, mind, and mood. As both a music composer and highly sensitive person, I can speak to why calming music is so soothing for HSPs, as well as the science behind it.

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3 Reasons Why Calming Music Is So Soothing for HSPs

1. Music calms the nervous system.

Depth of processing is a key marker of being a highly sensitive person. Which means that our nervous systems process information more deeply and for longer. It’s common for HSPs to become easily overwhelmed by stress and daily demands.

Soothing the nervous system and becoming calm is vital for highly sensitive people to maintain physical and mental health. And music is a fantastic way to relieve stress.

But why is music so calming?

In a word? Entrainment.

Entrainment refers to the synchronization of organisms to an external perceived rhythm. Our bodies and minds integrate musical patterns in unison with our own biological rhythms. Sometimes those rhythms are obvious, like tapping your foot along with the beat, or dancing the Tango. But some entrainment rhythms are more subtle. Music can entrain our heartbeat, our brain waves, and even our hormones.

For example, researchers at Stanford University found that music with slow beats encourages slow brain waves that are associated with meditative states. (And meditative states are a great way for us sensitive types to decompress!) Similarly, German researchers demonstrated that listening to music lowered cortisol (a stress hormone) during surgery. And a study from Taiwan found that listening to soothing music before bed resulted in significantly better quality sleep.

Bottom line: Music soothes an overwhelmed HSP.

2. Music boosts your mood.

Have you ever felt chills or goosebumps when you listen to really beautiful music? These are called musical frisson, a French word meaning aesthetic chills, and they are a transient emotional response to music or other experiences of beauty. And as my fellow HSPs know, we find beauty in even the smallest of things. As it turns out, these chills are caused by the same feel-good neurochemical triggered by sugar, cocaine, and being in love.

Dopamine.

Dopamine is a critical neurotransmitter for emotional and cognitive functioning. And listening to music you love will make your brain release more of it. In one study, levels of dopamine were found to be up to 9 percent higher when volunteers were listening to music they enjoyed. To determine when dopamine was released, researchers marked when participants felt a shiver. Musical frisson pinpointed the exact moment volunteers felt maximum pleasure.

But who is more likely to experience musical frisson? Studies have shown it’s most likely experienced by people who:

• have unusually active imaginations
• appreciate beauty and nature
• seek out new experiences
• often reflect deeply on their feelings
• love variety in life

Sounds like a highly sensitive person, right?

Of course, not every highly sensitive person will experience musical frisson. But even if you don’t? There is a definitive link between music and pleasure.

Bottom line: Music makes HSPs feel good.

Need to Calm Your Sensitive Nervous System? 

HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload and stress — and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you could finally feel calm instead?

That’s what you’ll find in this powerful online course by Julie Bjelland, one of the top HSP therapists in the world. You’ll learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make space for your sensitive gifts to shine.

Stop feeling held back and start to feel confident you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making a change today. Click here to learn more.

3. Music nourishes the HSP soul.

Music expresses the ineffable: It is a complex array of vibration, harmony, and dynamics that is greater than the sum of its parts. It connects us with our emotions, can bond us to other people, trigger nostalgia, and make us feel part of something larger than ourselves.

Being a highly sensitive person can be lonely at times. Because we only make up around 30 percent of the population, our experience is often dismissed and we may experience gaslighting.

And yet music can make us feel less alone — through lyrics that convey how we feel, or patterns that stimulate deep thought, or by soothing our overwhelm. Music touches the edge of mystery. It is a form that understands us. Music often speaks where we cannot.

One of the best things about being a highly sensitive person is how deeply we appreciate beauty, and music can be profoundly moving and nourishing. It can satiate a highly sensitive person’s need for beauty and meaning.

Savoring beauty is not superficial. It isn’t about consumerism or buying luxurious items. Beauty is a portal to deep appreciation. When you immerse yourself in calming music, you’re allowing yourself to just be. To exist in the peace of the present moment. To feel gratitude for the simple pleasures in life.

Bottom line: Music is a nutrient for HSPs.

What Is the Best Calming Music for HSPs?

Now that you know why calming music is so soothing for highly sensitive people, you might be wondering what kind of calming music to listen to.

Firstly, it needs to be music you enjoy. Perhaps you love the gentle nostalgia of lo-fi hip hop. Or perhaps you prefer the undulating flow of instrumental jazz. Or maybe deep, ambient drone is your thing. Experiment with different genres to find the best kind of calming music for you.

Secondly, it needs to be slower paced music.

BPM stands for beats per minute, and in music, it represents the tempo (or how fast/slow the beat is). But BPM can also measure your heart rate, i.e., how many times your heart beats in one minute. Because your heart will synchronise to the beat of the music, having a slower BPM in music will help calm you down.

Music that is between 60-100 BPM is perfect for relaxation because it is the same speed as a resting heart rate. But you don’t need to calculate the exact tempo to know if a track is calming. If the music feels slow, gentle, and soothing, it’s the right tempo for you.

When to Listen to Calming Music as an HSP

The great thing about music is you can listen to it all day, every day. But there are some specific times that calming music will work best.

You could listen to calming music:

• after a long, draining day to restore your energy and balance
• before bed for a good night’s sleep
• while you’re studying or working to help you focus
• to reduce or relieve pain
• during travel, to help relieve stress and anxiety

Calming music is a balm, especially for highly sensitive people — it soothes your nervous system, boosts your mood, and fulfills your need for beauty and connection. It’s not always easy to be a highly sensitive person in a world that doesn’t value your sensitivity. But music can make your HSP experience a little easier and a lot more enjoyable.

You might like:

• How ASMR Can Benefit Highly Sensitive People
• 7 Ordinary Sounds That Overwhelm Me as an HSP
• ​​These Two Traits Can Make HSPs (Almost) Immune to Narcissists
  

Meditones® soothing music makes you effortlessly calm without having to do a thing. Discover how with a free trial of the Seekers’ Sanctuary today.

The post The Science Behind Why Calming Music Is So Soothing for HSPs appeared first on Sensitive Refuge.